Grownboy Tactics!

hey Tony Geiss is here popping in now something you heard the term that I created this term years ago called a grown boy and you know it just kind of went viral and people say it in different ways but essentially what I'm talking about is really an adult male who hasn't matured to the point where he is a classy individual now the thing about it is is a lot of grown boys look just like grown men so that's what you have to realize is you may meet a grown boys representative first so then you think wow this is a real man but grown boys wear many different hats you have grown boys in every arena in every walk of life so every job whether you talking surgeons pastors as you see presidents across the board firefighters police officers you have grown boys school teachers coaches in every arena and the thing about it is see with a grown boy for one he has not read a woman's influence this is not this right here you know how you see a slug on the ground and you pour salt on the slug you know how you put salt on the slug that's what this right here is the salt - a slow for a grown boy a woman's influence not see I still had grown boy and me oh yeah grown boys still it's very very strong it's very strong it's older it is so deeply just it's so deeply rooted it's so ingrained man and I shed every last bit of it and you'll be surprised and you hear me talking you watch my videos still have some grown boy in me that's how real it is I said I'll love it when I wrote a woman's influence cuz see what a grown boy won't do is a grown boy will not level the playing field a grown boy will always be trapped inside of gender roles a grown boy with always he always wants to have his foot on the neck of a woman metaphorically speaking and sometimes physically speaking and so with a grown boy what it is is he lacks true understanding he was not raised to be a man he was not raised to be a husband he just grew meaning he just got older every year but he wasn't taught and so it's not his fault because if his daddy was a grown boy if his granddaddy was a grown boy then he's not growing while running in there in the blood in the genes you know so and that's where most men are is in that mindset that it's a man's world I can do what I want a woman was created to be my helpmeet so help me how and when and where I need you and shut up don't do nothing else you don't get a voice you don't get an opinion you don't get the call no shots you you eat last I eat first you eat last that's a grown boy a grown boy is always gonna have some type of what you would call misogyny and male chauvinistic now it's it's some sensitive women out there who could see a grown man and still accuse him of being a grown boy and throw out names and all of that and that's a lot of times when the problem is is with the woman but what you're gonna realize is when you meet a grown boy you're gonna go through these steps of being tested and I have a video on why do men test women in relationships now a grown boy gonna test you in ways that is for his advantage meaning ways that he can find out your weaknesses he can find a hole so he can exploit those areas now a grown man is still gonna test you the thing about it is when you have the word test when you see it as a negative thing you took tests all through school it's really just to see what do you know so a grown boy and a grown man is gonna do it it's just gonna look different so with a grown boy he's literally going to for one he may put a whole lot it's gonna be one extreme or the other he's gonna put a whole lot of love and attention just gonna just bombard you with attention just just calling you all the time you I talked to you about talking to a man one hour a day if you're seriously trying to build something with him a grown boy might give you hour two hours three or four hours because he really wants you to get comfortable so you can drop your guards now a grown boy also in this space is going to be he's gonna be assertive and he's gonna be forward he's gonna be direct when he's taking that approach on the other approach a grown boy may try to mess with you here and what I mean by that is he may try to create scarcity he may try to call you every other day he may give you his word and say hey I'm gonna call you at 7:00 p.m. and then you don't hear from him until your good morning text at 7:00 a.m. the next day so you lost a little bit of sleep wondering why he didn't keep his word and why he didn't call you and because you've starting to feel the desperation in your heart you tell yourself that you were worried about his safety and wondering if he living and that's why you blew up his phone that's what you told yourself to make yourself feel better when you could have just put it in God's hands and said if something wrong hopefully somebody give me a call or I figured out in a few days Lord bless them keep them and cover and put your angels around everything going to sleep but that's how you know if you desperate if you try to say awkward if he living words everything okay but no really it was just your conscience couldn't rest because he told you he was gonna call you and you sitting on pins and needles waiting on his call see a grown boy knows that as well so depending on how he views you depending on how you look to him he's he's judging you by how you look because how you look to him tells him how the world has treated you because as you know who the world deems whatever attractive or what-have-you they are treated a certain way so he looks at you and he makes an assessment and he decides in his eye if you are attractive kind of attractive or unattractive and then then he starts to understand how you may have been treated by the world then that lets him know your disposition in life so now he he knows kind of what's right and wrong with you based on how he assumes the world treated you and so then that helps him figure out what buttons to push so if he senses arrogance and like you like to be catered to because of how you look then he's gonna take that approach of really really bombarding you with chivalry and quality time to get you to relax and drop your guards if he senses insecurity then he's gonna play on your insecurities like not calling or you call it a him not answering you texting to him making you wait an hour before he responds he's gonna play on your insecurities which has created some desperation and some frustration so that's the angle he's going to take now so you're gonna have to understand now that your barometer and all of this is how do I feel how do I feel because what I'm telling you is a million different things grown boys do and it's a million it's a million different species of grown boys so it's not a one-size-fits-all so but here's the thing the barometer is how do I feel how do I feel because you have to trust your intuition and this is a thing a grown man he may make you feel flustered but a grown man is gonna bring peace he's gonna be bringing peace and he's gonna bring confidence and you're gonna bring calm so while you're thinking about him you have like the warm feeling and it's just like hmm this feels good this feels good that's what you're gonna feel like but when you feel like you're sitting on pins and needles when you feel like you're walking on eggshells when you feel like you're holding your breath that's when you're dealing with a grown boy because he's either overwhelming you with love and attention it's not really love or he's depriving you so it's putting you in an uneasy uncomfortable state but a grown man he is sensing your heart and your energy so he knows how to bring ease so he knows when to put his foot on the gas he knows when to let off for the gas he knows how to keep you balanced to find that balance that sweet spot so that he's giving you just enough but not too much and not too low and it's really this fluid thing where he's reading you you're reading him and you're both reading and responding not reading and reacting because he a reaction could be negative you're reading and responding you're receiving and you're reciprocating and it's just like playing a good game of tennis just like that just a good game of tennis okay but see when you were grown boy now it's gonna feel like you playing a game of keep-away like he just got the ball and you chasing him trying to figure out what he's gonna do and you got to try to get the ball from him and he won't and he trying to keep it away from you so now y'all are more soul opponents breaking one another down instead of making each other better and what you realize now with growing boy you're gonna go through everything you're gonna go through the arguments early early within three months you're gonna go through the arguments or disagreements or the debates see when you would have grown man he's not gonna argue and debate with you whatever you believe he don't let you they're gonna let you have that and if you too far left if you too far gone if you too far off base he's gonna politely let you go he's gonna let you go that's what a grown man gonna he says this this doesn't is not gonna work and he's gonna let you go he made ghost you but it's not you see it as ghosting because y'all didn't sit down and have a closure conversation but he had that conversation that said okay you know a great talkin to you you know take care and you miss that take care and and then you didn't hear from many more okay that was your closure just deal with it I know you won't closure you gotta get yourself closure just understand that so a grown man he's not gonna argue with you he's not gonna debate with you he's not gonna be fussing and fighting cuz he just what you have to realize is when you with a grown man who tryin to be a grown man who's growing into his manhood it's gonna be smooth sailing you see what I mean majority of it gonna be smooth sailing just like on the airplane majority of the flight is smooth sailing but it's certain if it's hot outside and you're gone you you you're gonna feel some turbulence you know it's certain little pockets to where you're gonna feel some turbulence the same thing but the pilot gonna let you know age we got it we just got to get through this storm just get on the other side of this turbulence going love-a-lot okay put your seat belt on I'll let you know when the seat belt can be taken off and you can get up and walk about the cabin that's what it's like when you with a grown man now when you with a grown boy you're gonna feel uneasy every other day it's gonna feel like you in a canoe in the ocean and it's a storm like you just gonna be all over the place and you're gonna be confused of whether it's good or like because you have some moments of namaste okay and I say that word but it looked good when I read it but it's you know you're gonna have those moments to where you just whoo okay and then at the same time right after that you think you feeling a deal and you're like man what's going on and then you you know like when you're on a roller coaster and you just you can't catch your breath and and at some point it's exhilarating but then at some point it's terrifying and that's what it feels like when you with a grown boy and he keeps you in that state of uneasiness because see when you're uneasy you can't think straight when you cool calm and collected you're able to connect with your power and you know who you are but see when a grown boy has you uneasy you can't think clearly you can't think straight because just all the endorphins all these chemicals just running through your body all the time and so what happens is is he becomes your drug and you get addicted to him because of all of the shifts and changes in your chemical balance based on your interactions with him whether he is feeding you or starving you whether he is turning you into a glutton or he will taking you through a famine and it literally becomes feast or famine he's either amazing or he's either terrible but you rarely have just this consistent steady stable peace and happiness you really have it and so that's a sign that you with a grown boy now when you think about growing boy tactics it looks all kind of way I mean I beheld a okay so he one of the early stages is separation his separation in isolation and what that means is he wants to take time and steal time from your friends your good innocent on his friends he made bad-mouthed them or he may see them call and it's a donee on cell phone me and you talking don't that's the fun you got to put your phone up you got to turn your phone off he wants to isolate you from your friends and your family he wants to replace them he wants to be your everything who you laughing at oh oh oh he funny since when dave chappelle been funny and you never laughed at me like that why you know what okay since he finally let him touch you tonight man okay let him help you with rent then and and you and you literally go into tears because you feel like he really upset he really mad and it literally will be about something small you know aunt but he does it because he knows that you care and it'll be something so oh my goodness what did I tell you you could kill me I'm making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and you dipped in the jelly didn't dip in the peanut butter not a jelly then caramelized crystallized in the peanut balm so I'm not unfollowing knives because you put Jenny in Davina model and then you like oh my goodness calm down now why are you getting angry cuz I you know what I just saw oh I'm sorry and so now you cryin by peanut butter and jelly not because it's a kingdom issue but because you ran high you you dis high you boiling over because he nitpicking about every little thing he want to argue about every little thing every little thing he want to give you a silent treatment every little thing he wants to threaten the break-up or threatening divorce every little thing and so it got you just so on edge dad you leave the door open on the car you didn't shut it all the way and not y'all in an argument cuz he talked about you could fall a lot and then he got the jerk the wheel to grab you and then both of y'all going doctor he's trying to grab you cuz he loved you that much like y'all literally arguing about nothing and then you crying about everything and guess what when you do that when you go up and down when you crying or yelling and you flustered or you angry every time he push a button and he gets a reaction it's like a vitamin it's like a vitamin it's like you just you gave him more energy you just gave him more power because you're giving him more control never let a man see you sweat even if you got to wear a towel around your neck never let a man see you sweat now see a grown man on hand if y'all get into a sensitive subject a topic where it creates a rift and you have a disagreement now a grown man he feels uneasy and he wants to correct that he wants to come to common ground or at least come to a palatable place of agreeing to disagree a grown man wants peace calm and ease he wants you to feel safe whether it's you got your seatbelt on because it's a little turbulence or whether you could take your seatbelt off and walk about the cabin he wants you to be safe wheels up wheels down 13,000 miles high we don't get there he wants you to be safe and trust his pilot team okay and so let's see that's not how a grown boy wants you to feel wrong but I want you to feel terrible ends he wants you to be grabbing that mascot the ceiling and you know ain't nothing really going wrong he know game by the crash but he won't you grabbing and mad he won't you you know holding on he won't you holding on him he wants you just fearful of life fearful of the unknown fearful of what's coming and just you turn your back on your daddy for him you turn your back on your sisters for him your best friends for him and he wants complete control don't smile without him don't laugh without him you can't get dressed without him when he called you you need to FaceTime show him your surroundings like he won't you like this right here on faith time that's why he got too and you said man you he want to see uh whatever go back over there what that was what it was behind you he wanna hear everything he and he just your daddy can't drive better than he can your dad I don't know how to fix no car better than me he want to be everything he funded in every comedian and it's not funny but got to jet and you just laughing just because you so uneasy it may it's making you allow cut your stomach so uneasy you so this is the state that a grown boy put you in okay and you got to understand that so it's so many different tactics you know from from that isolation see hurt masse one time I connect isolation calm before annihilation and and that's true in relationships because with this isolation guess what when he take you off take you out the city and take you out to the island and put you out here on Gilligan's Island can't nobody hear your screen so when you start to soften you start to go through you losing your mind you can cut off your best friends so now you feel guilty to call them because you didn't gave them your but the kiss you don't want to call your parents because they try to tell you you never by customer for your grown boy and so now you afraid to admit to them that they were right but you need some help and you sitting over here and you losing your mind and you need a way of escape you need some help but you'll know how who to call cuz you nageire bite of your butt to kiss so that now he got you right where he wants you and this how you end up in a relationship that does not make you happy majority at a time for three years five years seven years 10 years 12 years 15 years these numbers real numbers I don't hurt 20 years and you just your inch away from just complete misery and he got you where he want he isolated you and see this other thing what the wrong boy does now is he's nitpicking because we want to be right and now see when you self-confident nitpicking don't bother you like okay left my plate on the table you could have picked it up oh I get when I get back to it see when you self-confident that's how you respond when you not when you even been made insecure when you didn't been broken down he get on to you by leaving your plate on the table about leaving your drawers on the floor but you know not lifting the seat back up after you get up he wants you to lift the toilet seat back up after you get done using the restaurant instead of leaving it down we're supposed to be you know and you fluster oh my goodness I'm sorry geez calm down why are you like what are we arguing about and you know it's crazy but you still there you still Darren's and what you're not paying attention to is just how the brain works in and because you getting a release because you're getting a release that release may come from anger the release may come from anxiety the release may come from fear the release may come from a negative place but because it's making you feel something you're associating it with good you're associating it with normal like hey I'm just in a relationship now listen to what I'm telling y'all I never read a book on any of this stuff I never took a class on any stuff I live this okay so I'm telling y'all I'm the book that your therapist study in college to talk to you about in a session ok did what you is the book talking to you okay so a little this I have been a growing boy alright I understand this so you so you sitting there and you just associating it with something and then before you know it you get so used to that to where if you go on a break if you all have a 1/2 week one month three months six month break and you happen to meet amazing gentlemen you will become your ex the same way your ex treated you that's how you will be treating this amazing gentlemen you'll be accusing him of cheating you'll be controlling you'll be jealous you'll be you will sabotage the relationship because of what you're used to feeling and I've seen that happen and so see this what this is why this how you know you have a grown boy now y'all watch when I do these q and A's and I might I might do one tonight since I missed Sunday night but y'all watch when you do these Q&A when I do these q and A's how many people ask about their ex and if they should give their ex a second or third or fourth chance and in a lot of cases the excellent went and got another woman pregnant they excellent put hands on the woman when they was together they ex cheated on her multiple times the X turn left for three full times and she's still sitting there wondering should I give him another chance and you listening to the question and you want to slap her with some baby powder but because it's so clear to you to see but it's not that clear to see when you in it see when you in it that's how you know you got a grown boy when he the dog do left and right up and down front and center and then you still wonder about giving him another chance that's how you know heat him put his claws in you and then got you to where he wants you to be here and strip you naked so much to where you feel bare without you feel like nothing would you feel dependent upon him and you think that this is love you think that it means he cares you think that it means he loves you you think that this is a rite of passage meaning something you have to go through to get to and you wrong you completely wrong so but you sitting in you wonder and see this what this white wrong boy does what he does see a grown boy will be controlling he will isolate you he and see this wasn't this is what men don't realize Oh Tony make video for the man this video for you because I'm talking about Joe but I'm talking about the stuff you'll be doing so yeah why you think I'm talking to a woman I'm talking to you so ladies send this to your ex-boyfriend sending this to your boyfriend that you want to break with your situation she'll send this to your brother tell your daddy if he's sorry to your uncle if he saw her to your cousins if they sorry if they exhibiting these behavior let them see the video that's what men don't understand the lesson in here for you because I'm talking about you okay just learn something so now listen the growing boy what he's gonna do is he's gonna isolate you he's gonna control you tell you what to wear what not to wear where you can and you can't go all white handle some shorts yesterday they weren't that short but it said we're getting me where I needed to be who you know just doesn't I'm gonna die you hit me and I think looking at thought not Lord knows her shorts probably would be considered too long - a lot of women today with the shorts women be wearing the date of the shorts women weather day and the shorts parents let me down as well I see girls that got to be in high school with this much booty cheek hanging I walk it through the stove I'm like what is this bright light what so I need to slap your mom I be looking at the mom and the dad what is you doing like what is you doing your child this this come on nah come on but so my wife shows probably is considered long but they look good to me you hit me so the old grown boy and me would have been like a training short I asked the SI a tool but I was joking with her and so she's not looking I was hanging sugar you can put sweat pants you can walk at all put sweatpants on girlie looking too good but I was joking but she not grown what he gonna do that for real you literally and you don't feel nothing wrong with your shorts or your sundress yeah and that that when that wind blow is grabbing them Helms and it's seeping between them hams and you can see the whole silhouette you don't feel like nothing wrong with it because everybody got a sundress but that wrong boy you finna go change that you finna go change that you're gonna put on the old sweat pants that's got a hole in it and go out there that 90 degree heat and walk the dog cuz it's a man little cross the street so man live over there you need to be out there and I'm hot booty shorts so a grown work on control you he gonna tell you what to eat what not to eat how much you could spend what not to spend what you can and can't go what you can and can't do that what a grown we're gonna do okay and he's gonna make you feel and then what he's gonna do is he's gonna nitpick on so many little things that you're gonna lose your self-esteem you're gonna lose your self-worth you're gonna start to feel worthless you're gonna start to feel inadequate like you're not good enough and like everything you do is not good enough and you start to feel imperfect and now you're living to please him and he just the sorry is two left feet on the three headed body he just does sorry as he wanna be but he's not addressing his sorriness because he's so sorry he made you feel even sorry a hit him you feel like trash you mean so he is now the top of the trash can and he got you feeling like that stuff that be at the bottom of the trash can sitting in the juice and the milk that came out the carton and you sittin down at the bottom of the trash can with the magaz he got you feelin like that he trashed too but not he the paper plate that's at the top of the trash can you see what I mean so all y'all trash and you look stank relationship but he got you feelin like more trash than him this how it feels okay and and and now with somebody healthy cuz he I used to be y'all and I used to be in relationships like that so now I'm somebody healthy we even come out of this okay we over here now we looking at y'all like you said I mean so I can see you clearly that your relationship is trash but you think it's love you think it's love and I see this the problem my daddy told me this Turner barefoot and praying he said man some men won't ever want to keep warming back for the pregnant and you know I don't really know what me but when you think about it we know what it means but essentially you see the women that with a man and then had three four five kids or even two kids in the first two years and three months that's what a grown boy keep going to you and if you don't know your worth he will keep you on your bike he will keep you on your bike and now he got you popping up his chair and a grown boy what had you popping out multiple before he married you and being what are you gonna do is a grown boy and uh why are you pregnant he'll cheat on you be because in your most vulnerable and emotional state where your hormones all over the place he wanna put it in your bike he wanna put it in your bike so now you just feel like complete nothing now he completely owns you and then what he's gonna do is you pray and he get another woman pregnant at the same time or you pray and he leaves you why are you pregnant to go sleep around cuz he doesn't love you so your stomach with that baby in it to him look like an alien you look like an alien yeah oh yeah to a grown boy you are hating and this what you gotta realize is what we call the most beautiful time of a woman's life when you caring that somebody that only looked good as somebody who loved you okay somebody did grown boy don't love you you look like you got an alien in your stomach it look like a tumor in your stomach so what are you gonna do he's gonna be mean to you he's gonna be ruled to you he's gonna talk down to you so now you got all these toxic chemicals running through your bloodstream because your brain is releasing this stuff into your bloodstream from stress worry and anxiety and it's all going to you to your child it's all going to the baby you carry in you and they're growing we're gonna put you through that now that man right there that does that no I wouldn't never that night no no don't y'all get don't y'all get confused nice it says it's a line here okay I was a grown boy I would never that grown boy but this the thing because of what I do I know what all this looked like cuz I don't read every I got so many emails and do so many coaching sessions I know every every form I got I only had my period with my wife I never got another woman praying while I'm with my wife I didn't leave my my wife while she was praying nine when I got with my wife that's when I became man and that's when I became a father so it was before her where I had my experience and I was in them trenches now but not dealing with children and all of that it was cheating lying and control manipulation so I understand that completely but now what I'm seeing this new phenomenon what I didn't really recognize or didn't see when I was a grown boy because I met my wife at 21 so I was still young so but what I'm seeing today is I'm just getting so many messages of women who you'll see it in my Instagram Q&A they're like hey I'm seven months and they put the picture of the lady the prating lady oh hey I'm eight months oh hey I'm three months and then you read and he has another woman pregnant or he left me or he's with another woman or he cheated on me that's the new thing that's what a growing boy gonna do and you're most vulnerable uncertain moments whatever that may be whatever it may be it could be pregnancy it could be you lost a family member it could be you lost a job it could be you failed a big test in school that you tryna you know for your degree or your certification it could be you got in a car accident it whatever your lowest or your most vulnerable space a grown boy don't kick you when you down put it in your back and when he does that you just you floor you floor you like can life get any worse can life get any come or confusing so now you feel so addicted and so attached because you didn't been through so much the thought of leaving and starting all over and possibly having to go through this all over again is so frightening you like let me just stay here and that's the mistake you making that's the mistake you make him because you've allowed this grown boy to make himself your world and so you think that the entire world will be just like what you're in you think everybody got to go through what you're going through and you may know a bunch of women who have gone through what you're going through or worse so then you convince yourself that this is life this is men this is what a relationship is like this is the world and then you get online and you see that the divorce rate is high you see that people are marrying as often as they used to and so then it reinforces your belief to stay in your mess that's the worst decision you can make that is the worst decision you can make that is the dumbest decision you can make that is the weakest decision you can make you don't have to get up and leave regardless of what you got to give up where you got to go what you got to do you got to leave you cannot stay with a grown boy don't worry about how do I leave gently if you got to go to a shelter if you got to go stay with a family member a friend go to the church you hear me talk to the pastor somebody got an extra room one of the members on a duplex or quadruplex all kind of Plex some the blessing out there you just got to go seek and find it its foundations in your city yes nonprofit organization that will pay your first and last month's rent delete the in a new apartment the leader relationship google it get on Google leave the relationship stop looking back stop worrying about if he could change this understand this I was a grown boy look at the man that I am today man could change so what a man gotta be willing to do the work and it's gonna be intense work it's not just getting on a session once a week with me that ain't gonna do it he got to change what he on television he gotta change the music he listened until he gotta change what he listening to throughout his day while he working while he working out he needed to be listening to these videos to podcast uplifting motivational instructional information he need to be listening to new stuff watching new stuff he needs to be surrounding himself with positive people good people like a grown boy can change but he has to be intentional and it's gonna be drastic measures because he has to make a drastic change but here's the thing you can't get stuck waiting on him to make the change because he might not be able to change for you he may be unwilling to change for you and that's the irony of this all is he could treat you like crowd dog you out and then literally look at you like crap because you put up with all of that and you like wow he should be giving me credit for loving him through all of this mess when in actuality he actually looking at you like trash because you put up with all of that and then now he's starting to grow and change and he like man I want a real woman this woman she let me do everything the huh she didn't she didn't read to a threesome she let me put hands on she let me curse without I don't want this kind of woman did woman broke busted and disgusted yeah that's the irony that's the irony that he would dog you I and then I grow you and lead you fall woman that's gonna hold him accountable and you sitting over there looking like who shot John I forgot to kill them you like what [Music] sometimes this Yuda had his children sometimes is you didn't put a car in your name put apartment in your name or a house in your name sometimes is you like all that I've been through with you all lot of put up and then you gonna go and be with this woman over here anyone we got three four kids I'd heard of that him going to be with a woman and ignoring his responsibilities with you and going to take care of somebody else responsibilities gonna take you another one the kid and you know why cuz when you win over there hey this hurt the truth hurt now you can argue with you you can argue with it you could get mad or you can scratch a booty and get glad there's just the truth at the end of the day it all come down to personal responsibility at the end of the day and I know what people say well why is it always on the 1 why I was always on the 1 its own the man 2 he gonna pay his price believe me he gonna pay his price you just might not be in the room to see it he paying his price so you can't worry about what it looked like on Facebook just because it looked like he and a happy relationship and he happy that woman now that woman whipping that man in the shade that woman charging that man so many tolls that man and she might cheat on him that one might cheat on him she might flip the script and break him down he met his match he met his match and then what you got to realize you didn't been broke busted and disgusted you didn't been beat down now you down trodden ran over run amok bamboozled okay Clement rocked and landed on you so now what you got to realize is okay not got a chain instead of becoming bitter let me take that guy out of there I put an e in now instead of becoming bitter let me become better and then let me allow what I've gone through to make me humble but let me keep getting this knowledge I'm getting on there free youtube videos and build confidence and let me move forward healed and whole and Comfort Inn t-shirt on the way already got it design he'll whole and confident so now you move forward guess what your grown boy that let you go or that you let go after listening to the video he if he doesn't change he gonna pay a price if he'd not see if he grows and he outgrew you and he realized that he cannot change with you because he speaks a certain language with you so he has to leave the relationship to start over fresh so if that's what he realizes let him go don't beg and plead because all you have been through how many years what you to sacrifice how many kids don't not beg and plead for him the state let him go let him go it ran its course learn your lesson as bad as it hurt learn your lesson and let go so you can grow now you know but now you know so you could teach your children you could teachers what they need to do you could teach them so now your lineage your legacy don't have to suffer because you suffer because you learn so let it go let it go like that song said it was the only letter let it go your leg let it go going about your business I know it hurt I know you wanted to have a family for your children I know you had dreams of it working on I know you put in 13 years I know you sacrifice too much I know you gave your parents and your friends and family but the kids I know you don't want to lose to this other woman who she got a basketball team that he over there taking care of a fee and it won't get you a dime in child support I know you upset I know you heard let it go you got what it takes to take care of you and yours and if you ain't got no turn a if you ain't got no children from the grown boy you need to do a praise dance you hit me you need to get them feet going you need to get that tamarine you hear me you need to be shouting Wow rounding the walls of Jericho you hit me you need to be running you better do your praise dance right now I'm trying to tell you if you ain't got no children from that grown boy oh the Lord spared you if you got children from from them I'm praying for you I'm praying for you but Lord louder it happened Lord I had them do it that was you that was you and you're doing but it happened now you got to get a lesson from it get the lesson from it understand that you got to move forward okay then now understand this because you know he y'all go with the nuances he y'all go I just heard I just heard you oh well Tony so if a groom what if a grown boy what if the man I'm with goes and talks to my best friend and spends the night with her it's that a grown boy as well and I'm lying listen just because I didn't give your exact example of what happened to you if it all makes sense to you if it hurts you if it sent you mixed signals if it broke you down if it bothered you yes that's wrong behavior that is wrong boy behave look don't try to look for no little wiggle room oh well what if he just always calls his mom and tells her everything and he calls her before he calls me and then he comes and takes all of her advice and just runs me through the ringer and his mom hates me because she wants to be with them yes that's a grown boy that's a grown boy yes every example you could think of if you're not happy whole and confident in your relationship you with a grown boy or you are a grown girl one of the other or both just understand that okay understand that stop looking for your reason to stay well what if we have four children we've been together twenty-one years listen you got a whole lifetime to live it's never too late to start over it's never too late to send the right message to your children they tired of seeing you get dog died they tied us in you get hemmed up they tied us in you getting cursed I listen listen to me you need to move on with your life move on with your life I'm begging and pleading move on with your life stop dealing with that grown boy and I understand it's not ain't saying in a relationship every second gonna be peaches and cream ever saying you're gonna be on cloud nine just floating in the Latin magical carpet I'm not saying that you're gonna have disagreements you're gonna have what you might call or argue men but it's not gonna be any cheating it's not gonna be any uh-uh-uh-uh it's not gonna be any cursing you out it's not gonna be any leaving for three days silent treatments over and over and over it's not gonna be any controlling you telling you what you can and can't you can and can't go who you can and can't talk to it's not gonna be any of that it's not gonna be anything that's against your wheel my wife felt comfortable in her shorts okay it must not be anything wrong with it because I know I didn't marry no thought I know I did not marry loose booty 901 so if you okay and and and truthfully they were not short it's just that I'm so in love with her I was lusting so hard that it had me so ready to go woo I would turn known that I'm like but another man might look at him like she's approved of shorts are too long and shorts are too thick you know another man might have thought that most likely base because of what he's seeing out here you see what I mean so if you okay with that okay cool you know my wife she worked in our confidence she made good money the other day she want to buy some a make sense to me but that's her money she worked you know she gave money so guess what if you wanna buy that go ahead go ahead now ask to buy time you really gonna buy that and then because she loved me she like maybe I should but then I'm like no gonna hear the buy because I know she went by so later I said you got that you ordered that go ahead get that night won't be one two and so that's when I went ahead and told her why because I'm a grown man not wrong boy I would have put my foot down and told her what she can and can't do that's what grown we're gonna do but when you went a suit when you with a grown man what the grown man is gonna do he's gonna give you agency in your life okay I learned that word agency and son in a class somewhere it really just means you have the ability to make decisions for yourself he's gonna give you agency in your life so where if if you comfortable in these clothes you can wear these clothes if you comfortable going here you could go here if you comfortable talking to this person you could talk to this person if you comfortable buying this you Chabad is if your strength is interior design you could design a house is your strength if your strength is party planning you could plan the birthday parties if your strength is driving you could drive if you're a type personality got to have the trashcan up by a certain time and he working you could take the trash out my wife said to me yesterday I'm about to take trash shop night hit me because of gender roles because of gender roles it hit me like man who was role of trash cannot but we don't have gender roles in our relationship I might do something that a man feels is a woman's job she might do something that a woman feels is a man's job that's what a healthy relationship is it's being strong where you stronger and and respecting one another strengths respect and one another person now that I was telling my homeboy yesterday and he was saying like well my wife she got to get up when when they have school she gets up at 5:00 a.m. every morning and he like ain't brought you know never be like hey baby I got it I got it for you this morning and I'm like new new don't do that you know because I said I can't even function I can't function five o'clock in the morning that dang hyung built and then I said I was I told that to my wife and she like if you did get up to do that I had to get up anyways because I need to make sure the bacon is made the right way I need to make sure you brush taking teeth the right way and that's her personality so it's like I'm not gonna step on her toes and say well let me do this you know let me get some time with brushing my son teeth you know let me get him ready some mornings for school let me take him to school because that's her thing that's her routine that what she'd like to do so I got my thing with our son she got her thing with our son she's like she know what she like to do I know what I like to do when you want a healthy relationship control is out the window manipulation is out the window deception is out the window cheating in four led outside the window isolation is out the window like I could sit and talk on the phone with my daddy my mama my homeboy our two hours my wife could get on the phone there's a lady a mom from the school with texting her like 10:30 10:45 p.m. a random question you know I could have been like a put your phone out man a you know the grown boy it's always on your shoulder you know but when you're a grown man you learn how to deal with that when you're a grown woman you learn how to deal with that so understand this sit down a day if you single think about an envision what you want your relationship to be like get your deal-breakers in order write them down so and read them back I'll allow to yourself so that they X on the tables of your heart if you single if you're in a relationship be honest with yourself and evaluate if you in a with a grown boy or if you a grown girl and y'all need to go y'all separate ways evaluate if y'all act out as grown boys and grown girls from time to time and y'all need to make some changes evaluate that if and if you are in that relationship but you need to lead a gonna get on gonna get on if it's not a violent situation then you got some time to plan but you got to go got to go see you later if you broken up right now and that relationship was toxic a lot going on do not go back do not go back remember unless they walking like talking like smelling like dripping like eating like everything like Jesus Christ unless you could see the olive oil dripping off of them you you stand in a presence and you and you feel anointing unless it's something like that and it's consistent let it go it is Tony Gaskins remember a Hall Pass out yet god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 115,256

Rating: 4.9494252 out of 5

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Id: xGurqKhv-PM

Length: 59min 15sec (3555 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 20 2020