Things that push a Good Man away?

a Tony Gaskins here popping in you know what got this question from a few different ladies and I don't I don't know why y'all ask this question what you wanted hit you want to hear by yourself you want to hear by somebody else I think what it is sometimes is when I'm preparing women about the red flags of grown boys you have that certain type of woman that she get tired of hearing about man and she wants something to be turned on to the woman you know I don't know what that's called when you you just you won't do some blame you won't choose some blame and I'll be honest with you women ain't perfect women are not perfect by far so like that women do wrong but it's a lot of movements today that just bashing women and I to get women and seduce and trick women first so that's why I take the other approach of speaking to the man because I'm a man and preparing you about growing boys because I was a growing boy and it's a man that they get mad with me and they say Tony you think you think women pervy y'all man women do this to women do that to and it just a lot of it is just not true to be honest with you like they say women cheat as much as men and I've seen you women say that and it's like no Lester you might cheat as much as men but I know for a fact women don't cheat as much as men because if women cheat as much as men I would have never been turned down in my life by a woman who say I got a boyfriend I heard that all the time and when I tell you that women of all walks of life all walks of life all ages all races all skin tones all body types have told me I got a man I got a boyfriend and and some a lot of a majority will tell you without even looking at you you know you you you standing right here in front oh yes excuse me I got a boyfriend got a boyfriend take him take him and just keep walking you really don't hear too many men and maybe you and your friend group now it might be two or three of y'all ladies go out to the mall and nine okay this is a hard part right hitting on make sure I don't know I say that I have somebody told you that you chew that's you beautiful now if you've heard that then in this season right now you might not be considered looks challenged now understand what I'm saying now cuz I know y'all ready to go Oh everything about looks what I'm saying is everybody had a season okay sometimes light-skinned is sometimes dark skin and sometimes pale in sometimes tall and short in you know for luck shoeless toothpick it's all kind of stuff that's in it just changed with the media with the movies okay if you're in season if you are in season and you're not out of seat if you out of season don't mean you look challenged you just out of season okay but if you in season maybe get you a group of two or three oh three twofold women and y'all go to the mall and y'all do a social experiment to where the best looking at a bunch y'all vote who look who look the best y'all gonna approach up man and you approach ten different men while he's sitting down while they standing somewhere chill and asked that man shoot jump shot ask that man for his phone them phone them and then see how many men say I'm married or I'm taking now his thing you might get that answer if he feels like you looks challenged or you're gonna get that answer if he's taking like myself and he's faithful this my left hand in case the camera got me flip if he's taking it he's faithful even if he's taking it he's faithful he might pause for a few seconds ah um I'm actually married yeah not sure how much that matters but yeah I'm married he might give you that right yeah you like but that really was the war inside of him he was in spiritual warfare right there you mean men and women different men and women of different women can be savages I understand that but when I look at this and I do this every day as a professional relationship coach from coaching celebrities to everyday people who have you know a normal life and don't have to sign autographs and take pictures or whatever and so I see across the board and men and women are different and when it comes to relationships on average women are better at relationships demand that's just that just is what it is and but see here's what men go to Harlem I owe you mayn't women all perfect youth ain't what you think all the women don't cheat whatever cheat like me it know they don't know they don't know they don't yes you went and chose somebody who work in the sex industry and then you got cheated on you win it plot the off the pole you you got an offer that nasty website that's her lifestyle what you expect her to do or you went and got this woman that you know is out of your league that you know she thank you looks challenged but because you wanted a treat but because you want your fantasy so yeah she end up cheating on you because she tried to tell you for six months that she didn't want you but but you kept sniffing behind a booty chasing chasing chasing chasing and then wouldn't let her go and then he wanted to be crazy and so when she finally cheated on me not you want Oh women ain't worth nothing women ain't working no if you just wanna date it the woman that wanted you you wouldn't got tea at home but you kept chasing after this woman over here that's what happened with a lot of men and they don't want to understand that they don't want to admit that you got cheated on because you was with a woman that did not want you and she tried to make that clear to you but you didn't want to hear that because you wanted what you wanted see there and that's what happened most of the time because let me tell you I have coached women who work in the industry that industry where you get paid yes and they are faithful to their man I have coach women who slide down a pole for a living and they faithful to their man so men and women different but the ladies asked me to say a tell us some of the toxic traits of women now i'ma tell you now it's it's the difference here it's the difference here because it's some things that is toxic in something that's just annoying that could be seen as toxic by a man he may just lump them all in together so from the light to the heavy you know we'll go from the light to the heavy so what I've heard what I what I want you to understand is on the light side of this here is just being and I don't have these written down our progress is rolling down and getting old pen and paper see if I write something easier down y'all get my look saying I try not forgetting okay and and so 3sc hmm we'll start with the first one what I come up with was nagging now a lot of women y'all don't like to hear this I understand y'all not gonna like to hear none of this what I got to tell you today you ain't gonna like to hear any of what I have to tell you today because some of this may step on your toes just sit with it okay the truth only steps on your toes when you walk out and out of line y'all ask the question I'm answering the question for you okay so did but here's the thing if you could watch my videos and see what type of man I am in a way I think and the way I moved the way I carry myself if you don't want a man that's nothing like me if you want a man that is nothing like me then this don't apply to you okay but if if you want a man that has a similar mindset similar view on life and maturity or responsibility whatever it may be then this gonna apply to you because it's one thing about me it's only two types of man it's grown boys and it's grown man grown boys don't know they're growing boys a lot of times some of them do I've had plenty of them tell me how I know I'm growing boy I know I'm wrong I'm cool with it but a lot of grown boys think they're grown man but really they just ask are broken hurt man because they was hurt by the X and now they trying to take it out on every other woman and just because the first time they love the woman she dogged oh my but what he's not even drawing the he's not even understanding why that happened he don't understand because he was trying to get a woman that didn't want him instead of and then he was looking down on the women who did want him and that's why he got hurt that's that's just what happens you know I'm gonna get hurt if I go to all or 30 NBA teams and tryout I'm going to get hurt at five foot ten eleven with some good shoes on my feelings have not played basketball since my eleventh grade year of high school I'm going to get hurt if I go try out for 32 NBA teams I'm going to get hurt if I go try for 32 NFL teams have not played since I was in college at 21 years old and then put on 30 pounds and since then then lost all my speed and my feelings is gonna be hurt and that's what the men don't understand a lot of times so there's a lot of these movements that's going at women in a tacking way for the wrong reasons and that's why I try to stay away from because I don't want to be lumped in with old scar hurt bitter man and so this right here coming from the perspective of a real man a grown man coming from love now this number one is nagging now and what I mean by nagging is the type of woman that always got an opinion why are you doing like that and still doing like this why why why are you doing it that way why don't you do it like this why don't you do this why don't you do that hey you should be doing this hey you should be doing that hey you should be doing it no man want to feel like you his mom and you trying to raise him like you trying to tell him every little thing every little thing without him even asking and you you could just maybe make a little face or something or give a little look or just look mm-hmm well just right there that's enough he already know alright tell me what you're thinking tell me what you think this one said 10 what you think be honest would be honest with you because now you didn't let him inquire within whereas before he even asked you why are you doing like that you should do it like this why you doing like this usually like this what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing and just always being a know-it-all and you got to ask yourself and you got to think about it well where does this come from because a lot of cases it could be that's what your mom did now what your dad did that's what your ex did that's what your coach did you teach it your mentor whoever somebody was always nit picking on you so now you want to nitpick on somebody else because you saw them people or that person as like a person of authority a position of power and so now that you got an opinion you want to raise this man you want to nitpick and you can't do that you know you cannot do that so think about this hair thing okay and understand this where you're going and you got to be open to be able to hear this you can't be nagging could be synonymous with just being a know-it-all and just always having the spirit of bed to differ that's annoying you got to understand when you should beg to differ and when you should just let it be like if it's a life-altering decision this man is getting ready to make then you could beg to differ but if it's just something like he'd rather put jelly on both pieces of bread and then try to put peanut butter on top of the jelly not understanding that when he wrote that peanut butter it's finna wipe off all the jelly just let him struggle through that he's gonna find that still you hold on what are you doing what do you know let me show how to do this I'm trying to do this and then he like and then I'm when you get ready to make a baloney sound hold on hold on what are you doing what are you doing what do you know why are you putting my necks on both sides break you really only need on one side we're always trying to control the situation a man finish and the thing about it is the crazy thing about me and me and I ought to just leave me and ought to just leave and but me and hate being alone me and hate been alone because a man was not created to be alone that's why God probably looked at Adam I was like it man so miserable this man over here talking to that talking to that go he's been telling that goal for eight hours that go ain't said a word just looking at Adam like he cracked you know what I don't commit come here bro lay down okay let me get there real that's what god I had to do because he looked that man and realized man cannot be alone and so that's what it is today like me and just struggle being alone man struggle being alone lot of time when a man is okay being alone he's either extremely extremely mature or he's gone through so much in his life or he's warning in his spirit he's battling with something himself whether it's his sexuality whether it's you know a spiritual warfare and he needs to be alone because he would because anybody in his life would end up a casualty of his spiritual warfare but other than that a man wants to be with a woman and so what happening is when you nagging and you nitpicking and you always trying to control and dominate the situation to where is what people say oh she wear the pants in their relationship when people start saying that that's when I was a woman you bought the housing problem you bought the housing problem here's the thing this is the greatest thing that looked at a lot of women don't understand is a man ago cheat on you and he'll be cheating on you having a full-fledged affair just to get back at you in his mind and if you have ever if you're in this position or you ever been in this position where you feel like you got his and you twist them and you feel like you the woman and you then got hole and that's what you think you been cheated on left and right he probably siphoning money out your account and you don't even know buddy he probably putting a look grandma sugar in your tangle err day and it just well when it finally time out and go all the way out on you he he out of town on business and you stuck on the side of the road and got to sit down for a two-hour waiting on the tow truck listen he's gonna get you he get you back yeah or you might have a real man that's gonna say look you just not the woman for me I'm up out of hell and if that's the case let them go let them go if you didn't act on my dough you to nitpick them out the door let them go that that must be what you wanted now on the other side of this thing here the next thing that I would mention is insecurity listen one of the things that men cannot stand is old insecure woman now here's the thing now here's the thing its caveats and nuances 9a now here's a caveat okay don't let a man make you think your intuition is an insecurity and I see what I mean by that is okay listen Tim there's Tim enough okay let's say he coming home late hour hour and a half every night but that chick coming in every two weeks the same amount as if he only worked 40 hours but he basically putting in an extra five hours a week so in that month that's supposed to be an extra 20 hours of work at time and a half but anyone who checks Shawn so your intuition like hmm and he coming home different he had one one extreme or the other either very annoyed and on edge pins and needles or he overly happy and smiley and cheesy and you like yeah what's going on that's really into wishin that's letting you know he cheating on you now when you go to speak on that he oh my goodness you're so insecure how can you be that insecure I cannot believe this see this is why men like me good men like me can't be with a woman like you because you're so insecure you know but you know you see all the red flags you got all the evidence that you need to know this man up the son okay and this t-shirt problem the video I don't know if they keep it there from our teach brain but I had gonna make these caveats in nuances and so you probably sitting there and you know right from wrong your intuition has let you know what's going on and he tried to make you feel like you crazy but here's the thing if you can identify and you see really you look at your your behavior you look at your conversation and you realize that you accusing him and you blaming him and stuff and you pulling stuff out of thin air and you you know he made a phone call yesterday to order food and you forgot that he ordered the food and you get his phone and you like Pisa Hut oh this short for this cold for Felicia Henderson I know Felicia Henderson she works with me and you met her at a company barbecue and you want to put her in your phone as pizza you know and you reach in and you grab and stuff and you just making stuff up and deep down when you look in the mirror you like yeah I know I made that one up but I had to just test them I just want to see how you respond I want to see and you and then you dig deeper and you realize you just did that because your ex cheated on you and you didn't catch him cuz you loved him so much you wouldn't you weren't suspecting anything with your eggs and then BOOM wanna come calling your phone telling you she'd been with yo man long as you've been with your man and you like what and I've been loving you down and cooking and cleaning and flipping and tossing and sucking and ducking and you've been cheating so now you wit this man here and you accuse him stuff he and came close to dawn he thought about it it's the first six months he's still trying to get used to you and you accuse him of having a full-fledged affair guess what that right there damn security that's a that's a toxic trait women have and it's it's gonna cost you because either one or two things gonna happen in the in the rare case you got a real real man he's gonna tell you I can't do this and he gonna leave you on the other on the flip side of it he gonna go and do what you've been accusing him of doing and he gonna do it and get away with it and be laughing at you why he doing because you've been accusing him the whole time so this is and then he gonna blame you for having a lack of integrity and a lack of character to go do what are you doing yes I understand that don't make no sense but that's the reality other situation now here's here's nothing what I put on here yelling and cursing we'll put this in the same boat because a lot of y'all don't don't get this right here Lottie I don't get this okay a toxic trait that a lot of women have is yelling and cursing when you get into something and here you go to all lot.you you know oh is you did and you try me who you think this is and not you re-enacting the scene that you've seen on love lust and hip-hop or a lot of house girlfriends and now you reenact the net and you think it's gonna fly no you getting ready to lose your man you getting ready to run you a man off 19 worth nothing okay cool but it feel good man and you just letting a normal situation blow out of hand and you want to scream and yell a fuss and cuss you getting ready to run you a good man off because I told you see a lot of times y'all a women I say to me with Tony it ain't know me and out there that think like you and carry themselves like you and and it is but they only looking for a certain type of woman my wife ain't never yelled at me ain't never cursed at me and I would not be here today with her if she did have a yelling and cursing if she didn't check her insecurity she had insecurities you know it's things she can nag about if she didn't check all that we wouldn't be together we celebrating 13 years of marriage this month this month March 30th for me 13 years of marriage I might do a post a special video on that day I probably won't do it on that day but I may have to go up on that day they let you know the keys to the success and a lot of right here now y'all make sure you preorder a woman's influence make sure you preorder that but listen to me let me help you understand something now and it's a little some of the I will say negative traits that some women have and when it comes to yelling that means a lack of emotional intelligence so the way a good man will think is a good man is always thinking about his children and the example that a woman will be in the child's life so instead of getting your feelings and feeling like I'm asking you to be perfect no I'm asking you to be a good role model because that's what a good man is going to ask of you like I had to get on to my wife a few times just about other little words like the word crap or dang or Dern like when I was growing up I couldn't even say why we had to say telling the story you telling stop telling stories you're telling a story whereas you know my son say my six-year-old say are you lying are you telling lies he got a voice thing he liked to do are you telling lies lies was a curse word when I was growing up but we're on the change now I don't let them say any real words but even when I hear them say lie it made me cringe because how I was raised but my wife you know she hurt cursing growing up she hear cursing you know from from her family never curse never never said a curse word and so unless they were mad and arguing or something that was just when I was really young like before the age of six so guess what a good man who is a man of God that y'all say y'all want a real man of God not doesn't curse Jeff point-blank period because what is cursing cursing is profanity what is God God is sacred holy and righteous you can't mix the sacred with the profane so that's why a good man like a real real man of God is not gonna be using profanity now if he get mad or you know he playing mr. nasty late night then okay you might that does special circumstances but just in his day to day conversation just talking just shooting the breeze he's not gonna be cursing you're not gonna hear that so understand that and what you have to realize is he is looking for a woman that can be a role model to y'all children y'all children or if he already has children or if you have children he is looking for a woman that's gonna set a good example so if you yelling then that scares the children it scares them and they like whoa what's going on if you cursing you teaching them bad language so that when they get into something in school they yelling and cursing the classmates I yelling and cursing the teacher out and it come from you and you don't even realize where it come from and so a lot of women don't understand that that that is that's a red flag for a good man I could not meet personally I could not be with a woman that curse but it's so men and women who support me that you know curves like a sailor but that's your personal choice in this life so what that means is is that you will have to be with a man who curse and if he curses then he's gonna be a certain type of man it which is a difference have a man for me because I don't curse and I don't curse because I feel like as a man I feel like it's immature I feel like it's irresponsible and the be honest with you when I really stopped cursing I was watching when I watched the Mad Max movie and I'm Christian any muscle but the man told Malcolm X when he was injured in prison he said hey he said man curses because he lacks the vocabulary to express what's on his mind whew that thing hit me I said listen I don't want to be no dummy I do not want to be no diamond I need the vocabulary even though it gonna be country I need to pull Cabul area to its rest what's on my mind without using a curse word so I don't curse at all I don't curse at all and so understand that and so understand where it's coming from now so you got to argue with me so if you believe in cursing and you like the curse and you don't think it me not okay cool okay cool you not you if you want a man that is the opposite of the type of man that I am like a man who thinks different than me thank the opposite and carry himself the opposite and all of that right now then this ain't for you so you ain't gotta argue and debate with me cuz I'm already mayor okay you see you see huh you see her right huh I'm already married okay so this only one I'm really worried by I'm just answering y'all question the people who kept saying tell us about the toxic traits that women exhibit okay because they want to know what a real man is looking for if that's not you be quiet you okay and here's the thing it's some of my top supporters that curse but they understand that that's their choice they understand that they may still be you know growing in certain areas that they like and they also understand eight is Tony you know this Tony he just sharing his opinion now the other part of this is a toxic trait is women who drink too much drink to the point uh you slob and you ready to follow all that again irresponsibility irrational behavior poor role model and that's gonna that's gonna cost you that's gonna cost you wit with a real man so it's okay like my wife was able to have a drink at like 12 years old because she come from that type of Jamaican family you know we heard that he is Indian to making and they drink they wine and so he introduced his daughters to wine and looked drink early on and that was his parenting method to let them taste it so that when they become adults it wouldn't be like this forbidden fruit that they go crazy on and I saw how that played out so like today my wife doesn't really drink like and if she have a like oh dad so why is he don't even finish it and that's because it's not really a thing to her because whereas I've heard stories tell us you know some of my close family members who was raised you know devout strict Christian couldn't do nothing anyone around know kind of drank one round no nothing and get grown and got to be carried I got to be carried out the club from over drinking you know my wife has never been there because she experienced it as a young age realize what it tastes like that it wasn't the greatest taste realize the purpose of it and you know and she watched her father live his life nowhere near a drunk nowhere near it you know drink for social relaxation and earn millions of dollars in his lifetime and but you got some women who it became a habit and it you whatever it may be any type of substance now think about this it's not just drinking it could also be smoking it could also be pain pills it could also be whatever it may be that you are addicted to that can really cost you a relationship with a good man because if you unstable in your ways or if your digits the things that's going to cut your life short that could cut your life short then you hurting yourself and but see this is a thing that's why we can't be unequally yoked because see here's the thing you got some women who they believe in smoking anything wrong with smoking you know they smoking who cuz we all this different stuff and then getting drinking like a fish and then guess what they end up with that type of man who smokes and drinks so a man who smoke a man who smoke we gonna tell you as a woman that oh I think it's as if a woman smoke weed and that means she cool she chill she relaxed you know I think that's it but guess what that same type of man that got that issue with that smoking is the same type of man that gonna be cheating on you yeah left right front center and and this a thing and women I asked me that oh so Tony you are telling me that because my boyfriend smokes weed he's cheating on me yes yes that is what I'm telling you that's what I'm telling you because the easiest thing for a man to do is cheat that's the easiest thing that is the easiest thing like a man who lives a pristine lifestyle a man who eats clean he could be vegan vegetarian pescetarian you hit me intermittent fasting a man who eats perfect who works out seven days a week who reads his Bible seven days a week who does not curse does not drink does not smoke that man cheats that man is capable of cheating he can do that it's harder for a man to smoke weed than it is to cheat like it's more of a choice it's more of a decision it takes more of a risk taking is more of a risk taking behavior to smoke weed than it is to tea so if a man will do something that will cut his life short like blacking his lungs you know blacking his laws affect his mind affect his his mental state alter his his brain chemistry and what his brain is releasing into his bloodstream through either getting drunk or getting high if a man will do that he absolutely 100% will cheat on you Point Blank period I'm in the trenches I'm out here I'm a man I didn't drink smoke or curse I didn't even curse and I was one of the biggest womanizers because that was like innate thing it was like that came like walking that came like talking you know sleeping around like for a man that's totally different that's totally different and you're gonna have something man oh hi Noah cheat but I smoked weed I smoke weed and I did you know that I get and I had me son to drink you know I get drunk but I know Qi don't want he learn and and and if he is getting drunk and high and he does not cheat the only reason why he's not cheating is cuz he insecure about look Jimmy that's why so if you got you a man that you honestly feel like is 19 and you know that coincides with look Jimmy that's why but if all that right that certain kill below the waist if all that right now is happy and confident and where he needed to be cheating the easiest thing in the world so it's way easier to not smoke to not drink to not curse than it is to not sleep around because of how a man is wired and this may make no sense to a woman and it's always women who come to tell me that that doesn't make sense it is not that hard it is not that hard and I'm like when have you been a man how can you speak for a man you ain't never been a man not your boyfriend your fiance your husband will come in the comments and tell that lie for you because he don't want you to suspect anything so your cousin yo your brother yo your boyfriend who who you tell this to and he just mad at me for having a voice and having a platform he'll come and tell that lie but behind closed doors every man know every man know and he never met a man in my life that say it's the easiest thing in the world for him to not cheat never met a man in my life one on one behind closed doors as man told me and know me and know how that temptation here but it's it's a lot of men those same men that maybe tend to cheat ain't tempted at all to smoke or to drink now let me have to understand is more than go into this now so when you think about it another toxic behavior that that a lot of women have that not a lot but some women have is is being allowed just loud and boisterous and what I mean by that is attention-seeking like it's okay to have a voice that carries I'm not saying that but when you attention-seeking it's because that that'll push a man away because you attention-seeking from a place of lack from a place of true insecurity so you trying to be seen and you're trying to be heard and what I mean by being seen is if if you dressing very seductive a way that's gonna be turning heads based on how much skin you showing how much cleavage you Sean because you want attention for your body that you work hard for or that is just genetic but you want that attention because you like when people oh and I compliment you and chase you and a lot of women will get in relationship but still be wanting that outside attention from others because they feel so insecure that same thing with some men who getting in my eight-pack and you always want to have a shirt off and it's like what we used to call gonna catch a cute cold you bout to catch a cute cold trying to show skin just because you didn't work for you a little body and that right there that attention seeking behavior you know being super loud and being you know all of that right there that that'll run a man on that'll run a man off now I'm gonna tell you another toss behavior I ain't got all these written down and I realize when I write down it kind of it is slowed me down to the thumb L is negative Nancy negative Nancy always seeing the glass half empty always got something to say something argue about some debate about being Negative Nancy gotta run a man that will run a man all being doubting Dana that'll run a man all especially if you got you a good man an ambitious man it's it's okay to speak your mind and that's what I love about my wife you know she she will like I'll say stuff and a lot of time I'm just joking I'll I will right past you know Sonny's barbecue down here in the south oh no if Sun is everywhere but a lot of Sun is getting got closed down cuz I mean you got that good cue in there you got that good barbecue in else are you gonna eat some roaches you know you got to deal with roaches when you got that good barbeque sitting around and so a lot of Sunny's barbecue gets shut down roaches roaches infestation other building so it's the Sonny's I lost and got shut down and I ride passive light way I want that Sunday I'm hoping that sunny that we can turn that into Tony G's corner kitchen and I'm kind of just talking and my wife would be like no no you're not no you're not we are not doing that you already had a restaurant you saw how that went we're not doing that you got to wait till you got money to flush down somebody toilet before you try to do another restaurant so let it go and I'm just kind of talking but if she said if she said oh yeah absolutely do that do that and all right not probably what went on head and do it but that's another red flag not for a woman who can't speak her mind so you got to be able to speak your mind so a lot of stuff I say my wife you know it's like I'm she just grabbed my arrow out of bait just just pop my bust my bubble you know and some of the stuff I really want to do and she'll shoot a guy and I you know we we got us a corporate office for my mentor that life link in description book your session with a coach my mentor that life and the corporate office is not it's not cheap but she let me do it she let me do it because good look is it's a place where interns and staff can work out of you know if they in our city it's somewhere I could work out of it somewhere I could do my meetings it's somewhere I could do recordings and you know record for my courses and it's something we could do she let me do it so that right there is not being negative Nancy or doubting Dana it's just she using her wisdom for stuff that makes sense and what happens is is a lot of times if you get an ambitious man who he's willing to work he's willing to crime but you the type of woman that just so negative so controlling then you're gonna lose man so you got to know when to say no and reel him back in and when it encourage him and speak life into him and support him in that vision because when you look at men like Jeff Bezos wouldn't be Jeff Bezos where Amazon had it not been for the love and support of his wife I think it was either by her idea or her first investment on the money or something like that but he wouldn't be who he is without her Bill Gates to tell you the same you know I think Warren Buffett started early on but still your wife got to be there because you gonna do what your wife says do because you she's the closest person to to you so a man is gonna look at a woman and say okay is she overly negative is she pessimistic is she always doubting is she always controlling does she always have a spirit of beg to differ you know but at the same time is she strong is she vocal about her true and real feelings in a respectful and honest way so it's a balance it's not saying just be quiet and get ran over but it's saying know when to speak up and how to speak up when to speak in a time of peace when they express yourself without being condescending and trying to take shots and talk down to the man but to present the pros and the cons and so like everything I want to do my wife is basically just told me it's the time for it like you're gonna be able to do everything you want to do but you're gonna know when it's time so instead of going and stressing my selfish and stretching myself too thin like if I want to have a tonig Athens Academy building that's like a college on the street corner that people can come and get training in all these different topics life love and business in the building that they come in and go to class and they get certificates that can count as continued education on the job if I want to have that I can do that one day but today ain't it it's basically what she'll tell me you know you'll know when it's the right time when it's time to launch something like that and so that's what a man really is looking for and a woman is not just a woman that's gonna lay down and let him do whatever but a woman that has that balance a woman's influence and so think about this now and here's the thing the overall message here is as a woman you really should not have or would not have toxic trace just like a man would not have toxic traits if you do the work if you look at your pain points in your life and you identify the pain points in your life and then you see how they are showing up in your life today and you look at all of your actions in your life today look at your personality look at the way you carry yourself and analyze it right and and when you analyze you say where does this come from and I'll give you an example I'll give you an example I use myself an example and you kind of do this so I would I was a tight and I may still be the type where I get in a meeting I get in a meeting and I'm talking to a network I'm talking to a cast director and I go to singing all my praises i go to i go to bragging you know I go to bragging I'm ditch this on this on this on this on that on that on that and I do this I do this and I do this and it'll come from a place of arrogance it'll come from a place of arrogance and the reason why is really because arrogance is rooted in insecurity so the reason why I felt like the reason why I would do that and reason why I would take that posture and I would talk down a condescending or be arrogant is because I was sensed that this person think I'm country and I'm dumb and they trying to get over me now that could have been true but I shouldn't have reacted in the way I reacted I should have stayed emotionally intelligent and cool calm and collected and just stated what I didn't want and what I want excel and don't really to express why and run down my list of accolades and all my numbers because the person I'm talking to already knows but see I didn't know that because I couldn't see myself from the outside looking in so I was acting out of insecurity which came off as arrogance and I would do that when I felt like I was in the room with a snake or a shark and they were trying to take advantage instead of me being cool calm and collected with a humble confidence see it's a difference and my wife she started to tell me she said baby when you go into a room they know everything about you they don't watch your YouTube video they stay they looked at your Facebook and see that you got 1.7 million and over 900,000 on Instagram and over 300,000 on Twitter they that's what their job is they didn't research you they didn't Google Julianne Google's your network even though it's lower than it's supposed to be online but somebody put that up there they didn't saw that they didn't saw the picture of you know you ain't open when you win and told your story they didn't Google and saw all your quotes that's archived around places online and she kind of run it down for me and I'm running it down for you but she'll run it down for me and say so you don't have to posture they know exactly who they in the room with they know if they try on you so just instead of you know getting angry getting upset and coming off arrogant just say now I don't think that's gonna work I'm gonna really need X amount and when you say that they'd know exactly why you need that and exactly why you feel that way so why I've had to speak that into me but I had to realize where that's coming from so guess what if you loudmouth if you loudmouth and boisterous you got to ask yourself why am i loudmouth and boisterous where is it coming from word you overlooked as a child were you insecure were you seen as look Challenge the ugly duckling where you treat it that way were you alienated ostracized or did you get attention for a certain thing a certain body part your booty your thighs you know your breasts your smile your eyes ears you know where did this come from this behavior today if you smoke if you get drunk when I and that's what I'll say drink I said get drunk because you can drink you know Jesus turned water in the wine they drank wine it just was a sin to become a wine-bibber you're having wine guzzler a drunkard but people drink socially and it's not gonna ruin your life I don't believe in smoking socially cuz it's gonna ruin lungs okay so think about this go to the root of it and if you do the work you won't have toxic trace you won't have to worry about that because you operating from a place of self-love because you've addressed your pain points you've addressed your insecurities usually you've addressed your past pain and trauma so now in the present you're able to operate from a place of healthy love self love healing abundant thinking you see what I mean because you've done the work but when you are domineering controlling yelling screaming cursing condescending disrespectful cheating lying manipulating deceiving it all comes from somewhere somebody abandoned you somebody cheated on you somebody abused you physically sexually emotionally mentally some kind of way somebody did something to you that hurt you and that's what you have to realize that's what you got to understand is that if you operating from that place if you're operating from that it's going to run off a good man but if you address it and you start to heal from it and let me help you understand okay that's a - ash war you know what they used to call catch-22 ain't never really understand catch-22 and SS war but this what its gonna mean to me right now okay call my wife showed me this and this what she'll do she would be so nice and so sweet like conversation just flow like water I mean it just beautiful sweet as honey and it just so just flow she would not debate she would not argue she would not condescend she would not enter Jack she would not disrespect she was just perfect conversationalist beautiful spirit that's how she is now beautiful spirit and well now does she know me a little more she'll cut them off she'll interject a little bit but and I kind of have to keep stopping her baby hold on I ain't done now but she is not disrespectful or condescending but guess what if you try her if you try her in a instant she'll show you a whole nother side and she'll check you in a heartbeat and and it's weird because it's like how long this person was so sweet and kind and nice and I thought she was a pushover but then when I tried her she turned in the king cobra like whoa what world happened that's what I mean when you address your pain points and you have heal you know how to be humble but you're not weak you still strong and confident and that's what I had to learn in my life and that's how I becoming my life and I know but I'm so easy to work with so chill but then when you try me like a basil I'm on your neck I'm letting you know and they're like whoa and then they try to flip it Wow Tony I never oh my goodness I can't believe that you said that I never saw No you've been trying on me I was being nice with your night but you want to try me like a fool had to show you I ain't no fool just cuz I'm country and I'm nice don't mean I'm dumb okay and that's where you got to get to get to that place and so the the wrap this up make this plane a man like myself man I hear who thinking positive desire to be 100% faithful desire to serve and please God man like myself we don't want a woman who was attention-seeking in her behavior or her dress how she's dressing how she's behaving in public we don't want a woman who is a yelling and cursing type of woman we don't want a woman who gets drunk who smokes anything even a vapor we don't want a woman who is doing any of that we don't want a woman who is abusing peels or any other type of substance we don't want a woman who was in secured to the point that she can't love herself to where she want to change every single thing about herself meaning it's okay to enhance yourself and enhance beauty but you don't have to reconstruct everything about you you know if the Lord gave you thin lips you want to get you a little plump okay but don't go get lips my size when you know the Lord didn't give you no lips you know the Lord and give no booty he gave somebody the mind created to go to the gym and do the Stairmaster and do this watch and and then see what the Lord gonna bless you with instead of going and getting on the table and getting and going to dr. Miami I love yourself enough to do what you can do and then what you can do then if you need to consult an aesthetician beautician whatever they call to enhance beauty that's fine but a man want a woman who has self-love not self hate a woman who was doing things for her not because of Instagram and what she's saying other women who may be hurting lost and confused doing and this woman just because she has a following and just because men liking her picture don't mean that's what real men won't a woman who is all into vanity and operating from painting insecurity so a understand that I don't know if this video going gonna be up if you got this far put be blessed in the comments god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 188,245

Rating: 4.889452 out of 5

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Id: 1oWJb7zEHmw

Length: 58min 31sec (3511 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 16 2020