How men communicate!

hey it's on the gas is here wanna pop in and talk to you about communicating with a man now you got to understand this because I get a lot of questions from women and they're like hey Tony how do I tell him this how do I say this how do I say that I remember one time as I was studying the human mind and I was reading these differences between the male mind and the female mind and one of the things I read was talking about how men can kind of be straight A to B you know just right to the point and I noticed that with myself sometimes you may see me respond to somebody respond to a comment or somebody asks me a question and it's very blunt it's very direct some people may say it's rude or it's harsh but I'm just straight to the point like I'm not all trying to you know I say what I need to say and I don't yell and I don't curse but and I've heard my wife say it before she was kind of describing me to somebody and she was like he can really you know rip you to shreds tell you exactly how he feels without yelling without cursing and that's how a lot of me and speak and but at the same time you got different type of man so you got you got the guy who was loud and he talked tough but he won't bus agree then you got the guy who don't really say a whole lot but he could do a whole lot of damage then you got the guy who he don't talk tough and he don't want no smoke then you got the guy who he does talk tough and he'll back it up so that's four different type of guys right there but at the same thing at the same time all four of those men we see women the same way and the way we see women is for one every man comes into a relationship feeling like a woman is a beautifully complex being a beautiful complex being meaning that you are the object of his affection but he does not understand you and that's what you have to understand that a lot of times women say well he should just know that he should know that he should already know he should understand that a man is never going to understand a woman unless that woman helps that man understand her and to be honest with you the same is true the other way around that's why I have to do what I do because I get so many questions and a lot of the questions I get from women is very elementary to me I'm like wow I remember when I wrote my book at 22 years old my mother who was 44 had never heard any other stuff I was teaching in my book like and to me the stuff I was expressing about a man was like eighth grade knowledge it was like what I would call eighth grade level understanding of a man like I understood that much about men in eighth grade and here it was women in their 40s and 50s started booking me for coaching sessions when I was 23 years old because they had never heard what I was talking about and that is essentially why I do what I do because I realized there that we need to bridge the gap and a man asked me you know can you talk more you know more balanced and my answer is no my message is what it is and if it's not for you then somebody else has the message for you but I only got the message that God is giving me the GILF another lady asked me can you do video shorter than an hour and hit all the points and it's like listen to what you ask you if I can't hit all the points in an hour what makes you think I could do a video shorter than an hour and hit every point it's just not possible you know and other reason why my videos are so focused on one thing is because I do a video every day so that's 365 videos a year so if I hit every point in one video ain't no need for me to do a video tomorrow so I want you to understand this because all of this plays into male communication now when it comes to communicating as a man I will be on the the an anomaly I would be in the top 1% and what I mean by that is not in a bragging way not to say that's good to be honest with you it actually works against me a lot of times but what I'm saying is I've opened my mind up and tapped into a space of communication and articulation that most men will never enter by choice as you hear how much I tell on these videos it's not many men it's a handful of men that's gonna tell as much business as I tell give away as much gain as I give away on these videos that's what you need to understand about a man is that 9 out of 10 men are not conditioned to communicate and the reason being is because a man is taught to put up or shut up a man is taught from 6 months old shut up big boys don't cry be quiet you know stop stop crying like a look stop stop how to tell her stop talking too much that that's what men give so men are taught suck it up be quiet so all his life he's been told to reserved his feelings when you feel like crying gotta suck that tear back up and a lot of times crying is the expression when you don't have words so when he talks you talk too much talking too much like a little girl if he tells see something wrong speaks on it now you a snitch not your tattletale if he is expressing himself he's articulate oh you talk white oh you talk too much or oh it's always something that a man is dealing with in the area of communication and the craziest thing about it is I'm like it's a lot of women's dream for a man to communicate but then I see those same women who want their man to communicate telling their son shut up big boys don't cry suck it up stop talking so much stop Christ I can play now stop telling those same women who won't dare baby daddy or their husband their boyfriend to open up and communicate is perpetuating the cycle of men feeling silenced and it also is biological I was studying and read that the part of the brain that helps us communicate that helps us talk is larger in the brain of a woman than it is in a man so what it was saying is that women possess cognitive skills that men don't possess and that is why you've heard the saying you never win an argument with a woman that is why when a woman goes to argue she can hit all these different points she can ask the same question in ten different ways and the man is like didn't I just answer that and the woman is like yeah but you didn't say this so what I'm asking you is if I just told you that and so a man is a to be but a woman she's like look I need you to go from A to G M a NOP element ik you come back to be lower case then upper case it didn't see me at C and D and that's how a lot of women maybe to where you really wanna know like that's why I made this t-shirt caveat some nuances because a woman want to understand the caveat and the nuances of what you're talking about I talked a whole hour and women still have more questions so what about this I'm like oh when I just talked to our Father still got another question so that's a woman's mind so what you got to understand with man is that man we direct like in a man that I know he talked to me I'm direct with every guy that I know and a man feels that he understand that he respects that a man respects somebody who's direct a man respects that he may not fear it if he's not a scary man but he respects it and so if a man direct with me that let me know that I got full rein to be direct with him if some man I'm direct with them and they get sensitive it hurt a feelings because they not direct they'll rather sit on their thoughts and their feelings first is saying something that could possibly hurt your feelings or offend you and those are different types of men the man who will sit on his words because he don't want to say it cuz he don't want to offend you that's also typically the type of man who may talk tough and won't bus agree the man who will say what he needs to say even though the truth may hurt that's the type of man who may not say a whole lot but what he says it counts and he'll back it up that's the kind of man you gotta take Sears you got to understand what's up man you got now but even with this man over here who won't bust her great if you test them and test them and testament push them when he does respond he gonna fly off the handle and he's gonna fly off the handle because he just bottles up so much where this man over here he don't say he don't say a whole lot but he addresses everything he lets you know how he's feeling when he feels it so he's not boiling over it come up a little bit starting to simmer he I mean started to run over he get it right on back down telling you how you feel a listen just what I need right here and so you have to understand that and one of the things that drive a man crazy is a woman who her body language says she has something to say but she too afraid to say it out her mouth because remember 70% of communication is nonverbal so man because of how men are wired men read humans in point five seconds so I could look at somebody and I could tell you what they going through just by looking at him I could look at somebody and I could tell you what their life has been like just by looking at her men read people very easily so when something's off in a woman's spirit when she feeling a type of way a man knows it but the thing that drive a man crazy that will push a man away make him start to resent the woman is if when he inquires within when he opens his mouth and does something that he does not often do which is openly express concern what's wrong with you regarding so high he how he does it what's your problem what's wrong with you what you going through what's the matter regardless of how he says it he is expressing openly his concern for your state of being your state of mind if you say not that ain't no ain't I wrong me what's wrong with you why do you worry about me now you bout to tick him off because he just went into a vulnerable position because he's been wired to ignore emotions but he just went into a vulnerable position to ask you what's going on now in that moment it should be in a time of peace meaning that's not something that happened once the argument broke out so he says that and then you're able to say do you really want to know yeah I asked you didn't know well I just been thinking and I just haven't really been feeling as if you are invested in the relationship you've been feeling kind of distant and it's throwing me off what do you mean what you mean I'm distant and then what a man is always gonna do he want to hear everything you gotta say but he's gonna have a rebuttal for everything you say he's going to be very defensive he's gonna be defensive but but you still got to get it out so when you said you know you've been kind of distant you always you're on your video game a lot or you're going you're working all the time then when you're done working you come home and you want a smoke for an hour you on the video game for two three hours and then when you finally get done then you want to tap me on my back end expect me to want to do something but you ain't spent no time with me Oh you don't know what it's like being me you don't know what it like being me man I'm not networking and on my inner hots on man that's on hot and I come home and I just want to follow no one saying get me something ring anything and get on my game trying to relax cuz you don't understand you know how to change my life you wanna saying I used to be out here getting out the ending screen now I'm trying to do right and then every time I'm gonna do right here you come yeah yeah that's the worst thing one can do a nag and then in that what happened is in that and I'm not talking like that just cuz what I got when I'm closest to nah if he if he if you of another race or another culture then just translate that to your race and culture if he over there well what do you mean Lindsey you know I just am so sick and tired of this you know I bust my butt working like an African slave and then I come on and I just want to have a few brewskis and then here you are yeah baby yeah baby yeah well what would you like so if that's how you talk just switch this come on Todd y'all after me can use another voice no I using voice that I'm used to okay so listen process this and understand that that is a man's defense mechanism that's his defense mechanism he's hearing what you're saying and he wants to hear it because he wants to be better and he wants to be challenged but he gonna push back he's going to push back but see this is what a man does because you got to remember man built for something different than what women are built for think about it who in the Army nice both but when they put somebody on that roof over there [Music] that's not on 10 times a man men built for something different than what a woman is built for so me and our men read energy a man want to see if you scared and a man want to figure out what type of person you are I remember a man went yelling at me at a soccer game ah not you I'm not you too ALPA hit yell he born on he loud I look down they'll read about you see he one type of man I'm a different type of man he doing all this right here I sent an immediate meeting maker without yelling at her so me and understand that sooner that interaction oh he ready for it bought a jump in front on block Hey hey Brittany sup break this up man used to reading that so when a man yells at you when you bringing up a situation for one he yelling and defensive because he's guilty and he feels guilty that's what you always does it's gonna get defensive if he doesn't do that and if it's not true if you reach him and you know you reaching and you just trying to be a baby you just trying to you know get some attention and you know you're reaching and he's innocent he gonna more most likely laugh you all what you talking about here you go again oh hi Betty come here girl you are you all right and that's what you want so now you leave it what stop leave me alone leave them stop making fun of me and so you know if what you bringing up is valid or you making it up and then you're gonna you need to be able to tell by his response if he truly guilty or if he don't honestly feel like what you're saying is valid when he gets defense of what he is reading what he's watching is if he said you understand me you don't know what it's like to be me I healed working hard doing all this and can't get ahead in this world everybody everything against me feel like ain't got nobody and then I count on you to be my piece and then all you do is willing to stretch me so when he does that if you say Oh fine fine you know you know what all right just forget it you're right you're right I'm sorry I'm sorry for stressing you you're right I don't know what it's like to work 810 hours in the hot Sun you're right I'm a stay-at-home mom or I work in a condition all day so yeah you're right okay so play your game you know smoke you we drink it your alcohol and you know what okay fine if that's how you do then boom he got you he want but if you come right by Adam you come right back out on and you say no this is not what I signed up for I understand that you work I understand that things are hard but I also understand that you a real man and that you can balance more than one thing and then when you talk and he's gonna try to yell or cut you off you let him yell let him cut you all and then without so don't yell don't escalate to to the level that he owned with that yelling you stay cool calm and collected and see that's the mistake the mistake that women made when communicating with a man is either you wanna get froggy and you want to L up escalate to that level that he that he yelling at or you shrink and you and you like a turtle pulling that putting their neck in inside that she'll you can't do that you got to stand right there you got to be stand right in the heat of the kitchen and be right there and come right back with it cool calm and collected say no but it's not right you know you want me to cook and clean and and be on my back for you and you want me to do all of this but I ask you for one thing all all I ask of you is that when you get home and you shower and you can after you've gotten you a little relaxation whatever that may be that we spent some time together then we can sit down and talk from that we could sit down how dinner together and talk from 7:00 to 9:00 you know 7:00 to 8:00 all I'm asking for 30 minutes undivided attention that you would have listened to me and talked to me to note to ask me about my day and then when we go to the bedroom I'm in a totally different emotional state because you gave me quality time you treated me like your woman not like the one you picked up off the side of the street corner so you come right down and suppress it you got something man who they gonna get it and they're gonna get it and they're gonna be like you know what all right all right all right toe toe what's the one talk about talk alright so you got something that's gonna be like that now you got some manners you know what ain't got time for you man water he'll come on you know what it's over Oh Marty I'm tired it is and he gonna walk out the door get it key a you woman you got to stay level because when you feed in you're reinforcing the behavior so when a man wanna grab his key and lead a lot of women no you better not leave grab him by the arm grab him by the shirt so now you're getting him an excuse to push you off he pushing you for the old in the new he that all that energy he put in that push then you have to do with what y'all talking about that's for the old in the new that's forever our game is look you know for me told you not to touch me and then now a lot of women want to escalate oh you thank you back oh and get me hung hear me I dare you and so you want to escalate the correct thing to do and then some women go to the opposite and then someone want to go there the correct thing to do all right all right you got to type of man one gonna go out that door he gonna leave he gonna be gone he might be gone for an hour he might go spend the night at a friend's house go stay at his mama house try to put you on ice to see if you really bout that life he testing you to see if you gonna hit them off because a lot of them are gonna hear them up I'm sorry for the way I acted I shouldn't have came at you like that I shouldn't have said that I need to be more understanding of how hard your life videos that's the wrong thing to do he wanna leave let him leave he gone on that though and then what are you gonna do he's gonna be talking to himself he know he was fighting he know he bluffing he know he's in the wrong and he was checking on you were checking him for being in the wrong not giving you quality time so if some man it's gonna be an hour some man is gonna be 24 hours some man it might be 72 hours just depend on how he built that's the silent treatment I got a video about the silent treatment he waited to see if he could break you down it's like in poker he got a bad hand you got the winning hand but he gonna Bluff like he got to win a hand your move your move he gonna make you think he got to win a hand you got to win a hand so you like oh my god you know what I'm out you follow your hand you had to win a hand all alone but that's how man built man know how to read Bluffs men know when you real and when you fake that's honestly man read energy me and read energy so to be honest with you people always say to me Tony you have problem with man like I know me and hate you to be honest with you me and really don't say nothing to me because they know if you give him way the game on the level I'm giving her away and you live in it they know you a real man and they know what a real man capable of they know a real they know they not gonna put any fear in a real man heart not a Duke that's faking it that's talking it but ain't living it he'd know he Fugazi he faith so if you want to intimidate him he know he can intimidate him cuz he ain't really by the life he even talked about in love and relationships see me and really energy so the correct way to communicate with a man that you stay even keel you stay right where you at and I know you gonna feel like well why I gotta be the mature why I gotta be the mature way he wanted yell and get mad and store my oh I could yell and get mad at store my - why you want me to stay huh why I always got to be the one that's what you got to realize is you built different you can't beat no man you can't beat no man so unless you gonna take him all the way out with that in what you want to do cuz you need to be in this free world so don't don't don't don't get froggy because that's gonna cost you and that's not where you're trying to go then were you trying to go if you stay cool calm and collected and he's still woman and he want to get aggressive now you know you were the wrong man now you know he cuckoo for cocoa puffs and that's gonna be the last day he ever seen you in his life if you ain't push him to that level even if you push him to that level now if you push them to the level but you got to understand is that he human ain't God God will forgive you God could be bigger than you be better than you he's not God that's a human so you go jumping bad and you wanna you know he be ah damn you and he catch you with one and you like and then the next thing you know cuz I haven't seen this I've seen it coach do it the one she do I call him on a lot his name can't be he meant trying to kill oh you ain't a real man and then it's like what are y'all accomplishing ain't accomplished not that you worse off when you started at so now your point didn't get across everything that you were trying to accomplish just blew up in your face so as a woman you gotta understand that women possess the cognitive skills that man lack he may not be even able to communicate on the level that you can communicate on and this from birth if you don't believe me go talk to a three year old girl and talk to a three year old boy and see the difference in the way they talk this biological he might not even truly be able to get on that level with you so guess what you express yourself and you direct and and honestly this one thing that a lot of women don't do is you need to be able and feel comfortable enough to call the town-hall meeting the world when he's sitting there and he own the game he own the game the way you able to say a I needed I need to talk to you and he paused that game regardless of what he say it JEP I don't know it don't matter how you say what'd he say oh my good what you doing I'm right in the middle of this what is you doing online playing what would you talk about you need to talk but you if you know you finna be on the game for hours and y'all need to talk you got to go and interrupt that and you can't be afraid to do that and that's the problem see a lot of women tiptoe around a man you can't tiptoe around a man when a man smell fear when a man smell intimidation that's gonna be your worst nightmare you're gonna be living a nightmare you can't be afraid but see this the other thing see now caveat some nuances get a t-shirt under this video there's the other thing is you can't come with false energy you can't be scared see when you're scared you got the blue show self up you boosts yourself up and you got the and you come in you come in you run it hot you come in eight put your gang down right now I mean you need to talk you can't come at a man like that the worst thing you can do is make a man feel disrespected a man need one thing in a relationship then what about say husband's love your wives wives respect your husband's a woman need love a man need respect they're one in the same but they different at the same time you see your own ten so to love a woman is to respect the woman to respect the man is different than to love him but respect goes inside of love as well so understand is when you attack a man verbally whether it's nonverbal energy or verbal energy or physical when you attack a man you just made that man feel like he living on his knees if he stayed with you and you're gonna pay a mighty price for that you you will not get out of that the way you want to trust me and it's so men and women that do this wrong yelling at your man cursing at your man calling him out of his name calling them all kind of names he everything since Sunday he you know twice on Saturday he he every name in the book and you think you tough you think you bad cut you from the hood I thought you grew up with crazy man you grew up around this hill and so you think that that make you tough no no that make you dawn that makes you weak that make you ignorant that make you immature and guess what he gonna still write to your level now a real man that's gonna be the last time you talk to him like that if you talk to a man like a piece of trash and he stayed you need to leave cuz you finna pay a price you me and it's gonna hurt so bad it's either no it's gonna be him getting another one and Freddie him going and catching son bringing it back to you knowing he got it him putting hands on you him getting you pregnant then leaving you so that you attached to him for life but he's sorry ain't doing nothing for you when you talk to a man like a piece of trash he gonna make you pay trust me they're just higher man built a man cannot deal with disrespect he gonna find a way to get back so that's what the thing about with my wife make sure you pre-order this he'll but not a woman's influence come on April 7th 2020 make sure you pre-order the book it's going let your life tell you about my wife never yelled at me never curse at me now here's the thing what she used to do wrong is she wouldn't communicate she sure she showed me nonverbal energy but wouldn't say it I eventually had to create a safe space and a place to where she can open up and say it I had a rebuttal for everything I eventually got to the place to where I could hear her and receive her message and what she would be saying to me is something like she would say something like I need 30 minutes of undivided attention that's all I need I'm not asking for a lot and what my thing was is I got so caught up at that time in my life I was just you know 2010 2011 2012 I'm just building my brand so to be this regular dude who didn't got hundreds of thousands of followers online and reaching millions of people a week I was always responding to a message always reading an email always reading a comment I was so consumed by my servanthood and I couldn't draw a line between the two and I just expect to her just be there and be okay with it and so she needed to communicate so I want something from her at the end of the night but hand give giving her none throughout the day that's how I know that example that's how I know it's real I lived through it and then I would get defensive and try to make excuses but then when she took him when I took him grew and got to the point I said you know what she's making a very valid point and she started to show me like when I get her quality time ain't even got to make the first move that night when I didn't made love to her mine so that's why you got to get to the place as a woman that you speak your mind that you express yourself cool calm and collected you're not yelling you're not cursing and this is damned if he want to leave you let him leave when he comes back now he just added another item to the docket now when he come back now we got to talk about what we had to talk about and also you leaving you walking out hey listen to me and that's how you gotta talk to him hey listen if you don't want to be here just let me know because I'm not awarded I'm not a prison guard if you don't want to be here I'm not a slave Mouse are you free to go yeah that makes you cringe you like know what if he really leaves in order to keep a man you got to be willing to lose a man if you ain't if you doing if you will do everything to keep him and won't do nothing that's authentic to you because you afraid he gonna leave you were saying you ain't no wife you property you need a person you property so you got to be able to state what it is that you need so when he come back I'm telling you as a real one this what I'm gonna respect and if you want a real one this hide you got to come 9 if he'll grown boy he gonna skedaddle when he get out oh then you good riddance bye hit go you're stuck don't forget your stuff now you gonna cry in the car but he don't see that that between you and God now you go and do the word heal your heart break the soul tie fall in love with yourself go out attract the real man yes it's gonna hurt yes you're gonna cry yes you felt like that was the one but if he couldn't man up that obviously was not the one he was a decoy a distraction that looked like destiny be willing to let a man go be willing to let up the only way you could keep a man is if you willing to lose zone so understand this when he come if he the type that he want to leave he come back how you doing I'm fine how you doing not too not too well so are you ready to have a conversation that we didn't get to finish having didn't hear you oh my goodness again he thought him leaving taught you a lesson when he come back you let him know normal in the same energy look if you want to be with this man you got a it the relationship cannot move forward until this issue is addressed it is acknowledged and the changes are adhere to the relationship cannot move forward we want on a date we get a no bed on the bike without us a resolution we got to have this conversation because a little bit of leaven leaveneth the whole lump it's the small fox that spoiled the vine so this conversation got to be had because if we just keep sweeping this little stuff under the rug eventually we're gonna trip over this all right on our face so we got to address this because if this is not addressed it's gonna grow it's gonna be like a tumor in the body and it'll kill you from the inside out so it got to be address this is what I need if this relationship is to continue what I'm going to need is action interaction and attention Point Blank period I can't be I'm not a place man I'm not a hold me down I'm not a battery in your back you gotta be able to I'm a woman that deserves to be loved that's what you got this friends regardless of him getting defensive regardless I'm getting offended guess what if he loves you he's going to hear you what I mean by that is he might not acknowledge it right then in the moment but guess what when the head hit the pillow everything stops when the head hit the pillow you got to hear your own thoughts when you hear hit the pillow you got to hit your own you got to face the music the truth gonna ring so loud so if he loves you he's gonna hear you and he gonna make changes last night not something I put my phone down and you know put my phone down you me being somebody who's hands-on in my brain that's real hard because I always got a thousand comments that I gotta read to see what people need me to speak on what I need to touch on I got 25 email addresses not emails I got 25 different email accounts might be 30 all along got some mental that I got to go through so when you email into support although I'm not the one answering it sometimes I'm the one answering but although I'm not the one answering it I read every email the ones that come in and want that go out and honestly 24 hours in a day really I could work around the clock and still might not be through all and I still wouldn't be through all my emails so for me to put my phone down my wife know how much I got to do [Music] what kind of message you think that's gonna sing that's a huge message she's like wow he putting down a whole lot of business to give me undivided attention that's gonna build a little more love so guess what when a man loves you and you express yourself you communicate what you need he's going to hear you even if he doesn't acknowledge it right then he's gonna hear you and he's gonna make changes if he loves you if he does not make changes that's when you gotta realize you a placeholder that's when you got to realize you'll hold me down that's when you got to realize that he doesn't respect and value you so when it comes to this communication and make it work if you have to read make it work if you read make it work make sure if you go forward if you came forward it's on audiobook too but I put communication rules in there communication in a time of peace you prepare for war so what that means you sit down you say I need to talk to you okay that's how you express yourself no the other no cursing no name-calling okay you express yourself you tell him what you need you use I feel statements I feel like you take our relationship for granted I feel like you think that I always be here regardless of how you treat me I feel like the reason why you using I feel statement is because a person can't tell you how you feel see when you flip that and you say you never spend time with me now he just spent time with you two weeks ago so when you say never not you telling a lie when you say you always are on your game he just was at the he-double sit down eating for 30 minutes so now you're telling the lie and although yo you understand your point and you're not being literal now he could pick a hole in your argument but when you say I feel like he can't say you don't feel like that dang how you feel you got no feelings any how you feel cuz then it's like how can you tell me how I feel so that's why you use I feel statements and you don't use words like you never and you always the other thing what you gotta realize is in this here communication you ain't taking shots never compare a man to another man what Tony Gaskins says this never do that never call a man out his name never belittle - man you know I just feel like you're a grown boy instead of a grown man never do that just tell him what you need do you need more time do you need more communication and this what you got to understand with communication it brings clarity and what I mean by this cuz you're gonna say well what if he doesn't communicate there how do I get clarity that is your clarity if he's unwilling to communicate with you but you know he can't communicate you hit him talking to his friends with him talking to his family you hear them talking on the video game you hear him you know you know he can talk he can express his thoughts but he's not doing that for you that is your clarity that you wit the wrong man this man does not value you love you and respect you regardless of what he's done regardless if he pays all the bills regardless if he eat peach cobbler every night regardless if he spend money on you if he won't communicate and then make the changes to give you what you need he does not value you as his wife even if he's married to you he does not believe that you will leave he feels that you are will that you are strong and that you are so desperate for love and the image of love being a wife and a mother in a whole household that that has you trapped that you are trapped by the perception of others by the opinions of others and that you care so much about what other people think and feel that he can treat you like crap and you'll never leave that's what he's telling you so that's what you got to understand so in this communication there is no getting around communication ain't no sweeping under the world like it didn't happen tomorrow we back to normal no tomorrow we on the same issue just like when we're in the court of law the same thing with the court of law in the court of law okay we deliberate okay recess deliberate okay here by the back today quarters all right we'll resume tomorrow 9:00 a.m. still ain't done we'll resume tomorrow 9:00 a.m. we're gonna keep on going and if we if we get a mistrial or we get a verdict and then you get up he'll guess what you keep going til you get that final result ain't no running from it and sometimes you know I asked my wife like what do you need but I talk about love and relationship so much I understand I understand how to treat her and what she need and what to do and she really I don't really give her because I'm always trying to be the absolute best man that I can so that means talking to her respect and me spending time with her and me speaking her love languages so I try not to leave any room for improvement for her to say I need you to do this I need you to do that and my hope is that she would do the same thing that she will reciprocate that energy and say let me be everything that a wife and a mother should be so that he don't have to sit me down and say look I need this from you and that's the goal and that's what communication gets you to and so something gonna be out of your control you know but that's where communication helps you get to understand it so if a man says look I need more it is from you and you say well right now it's hard for me to give you that because we got a newborn and I got to wake up every two hours to feed him or her or we got a new a new pet new dog and he or she little and I got to get up every two hours to take them out to use the bathroom in the training so do you want to do that no I can't do that you know I can't do that man my hair to be hurting so bad in it they'll be falling over you know how you built like that okay so if I'm the one that have to do this then I don't have the energy to give you this at the end of the night so that's what communication helps him understand so Dan what he says it's okay if I want to make it easier for her let me get up take one of those feet and shifts or in the middle of the day or when I come a go take your two hours now get you over take your hour now 45 minute now I watch this over here I take care of this hey let me cook tonight or eight I got some good takeout coming you know whatever ate let me wash dishes so he'll realize what he has to do to make things a little easier so when it comes to communication understanding and wrapping this up hey I'd be willing to do 15-minute video sometimes just ain't him the Lord Justin gave me too much you know I got I got laid all the way out when it comes to this understanding is say what you need to say to a man don't say it in the midst of everything going on everything going haywire in a time of peace address the issue called a meeting speak to your heart speak your heart do it with respect cool calm and collected do not be waiver by how he respond because he may try to respond in a way to try to make you shut down make you give up make you storm off don't give in to that let him show you who he is if he go to yellow if he go to courser if he go to calling you out your name if he go to blaming you trying to flip it on you call him out on that too if you afraid that the way he acting he's gonna do something to you physically deescalate let it go when he go to work tomorrow pack your stuff get gone you should never be in a relationship with a man that you physically fear if you physically fear your man you should not be in a relationship with him although I know what I'm capable of what every man is capable of that's not the energy I have for my wife my wife don't fear me at all she don't fear me at all it's not that she doesn't think I'm capable of you know doing something crazy but it's just she does not fear me she in a safe space and I had to create that space because if she feared me she wouldn't be with me and that's that's the rule so if you afraid to talk to your man that's not your man if you were afraid they'd express what you need that's not your man you with you with somebody else husband or somebody else long-term career boyfriend and you need to let it go so come to the table say what you need to say be direct don't beat around the bush if you need to cry get your crying out before you come talk do all your crying before you come talk when you come to talk don't process every feeling that it's gonna make you cry just stay on that straight and narrow go from A to B see when you're going from A to G to H to MN NOP trying to find the words to say that's what wills up your emotions and make you start crying to where now he can't even hear you can't even listen to you because you snot-nosed and you up there and all that's not and then you're trying to express yourself it that makes him cringe because what that does to a man is it makes him feel inadequate because men are fixers so now his brain shuts down because he's like why I can't deal with the crime because that's something I can't solve with you crying so you got to get to the point where you've said it out loud enough the way you decried all the tears you need to cry if it's something or if it's nervousness if it's you know whatever it is because it's not your personality to be addressing this our town hall meeting then guess what you gonna have to talk through it till it gets comfortable so you can express it and do not move forward until he acknowledges either with actions or with his words in the conversation and then followed by actions and then understanding is communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life that's original Tony gasps and quote understanding is you communicating will bring clarity it will bring clarity and when it brings clarity it's either going to build your relationship by building confidence in the two of you or that clarity will bring closure meaning that when I communicate with this man he refuses to listen he refuses to change he refuses to acknowledge his behavior he refuses to acknowledge my feelings so guess what that means I now have the closure to move on with my life because I am loving the wrong person a tostone guy says I hope all that makes sense to you understand speak your mind don't live in fear don't sit on your words get out what you need to get out and if a man can't hear that respect that and do what he needs to do to give you what you need because you're giving him what he needs then leave that relationship Point Blank period I hey god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 201,471

Rating: 4.9214249 out of 5

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Id: 0SCphgx-a64

Length: 55min 50sec (3350 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 02 2020