A Woman’s Influence with Sheri Gaskins

bless try Tony Gaskins here aid now I got the Queen can y'all hear me where everybody at where y'all coming in from got the Queen here Whitman died listen I'm nervous okay I'm nervous this with this my wife first time joining me on alive so can y'all see us and hear us can you hear us make sure you can hear us hey okay you could hear now listen now this McQueen um Martine and we get out of quarantine she could take it to another level in y'all what excuse the quarantine I want to bring on ain't got the boat is it wasn't it right there yeah I gave you that one shorts all want me to get it where is it I got pants on okay I'll get it where's it's it might be yeah it's um right out there in that box okay not that we needed I'm here but I know that look like but y'all hold on the Queen getting the book I had a book today but my barber came in cleaning me up a little bit but uh we were safe he had on masks and gloss [Music] is it on the floor right now no I just looked in the box today check and see no oh all the boxes right there stacked up their top oh okay hey y'all forgive him let me uh check and see if there's that I doubt it no cuz that her life is from my wife we looking for a copy of the bullet thanks to everybody who got a copy of the book already I heard some grateful feedback yeah that's her this chair come from her dining table fatty on you god bless you the Queen getting us booked so y'all give him a second now for those of you who's never been on a live this my wife first time coming on a live with me baby this your first time on live in huh this her first time on the life and so I'm nervous also how does it feel you gotta know what your focus so this our new book for those y'all who don't know just came out today something to read while you won't lock down so now we're gonna take some questions in a little bit but to be honest with you I have questions for my wife that I wanted to know Hiroki lead and I see I told you about Kili who come in and bless me every time I come on thank you so baby now what why did you take so long to come and grace the people with you they come out and support me in this journey um I sound like I'm cool with being behind the scenes and I don't like feel like I have to force it or try to come you know one real speaker um not saying I'm not opposed to it but it's like I feel like in the right time in the right season I'm not likely have to do it cuz you're doing it right now whenever God opens that door naturally then you know but I have kids and then focus on them right now and but I mean if you know the opportunity were to present itself okay but I'm not gonna be like kind of be like both of us gone both of us traveling yeah I know I proved myself in that way or something you know now what book is this what book is this for me did you no no no no like a lot this probably might be my 15 for 17 book and we wrote this one together now so each chapter she add a couple of pieces in there to be honest with you I have not read her part do you believe that you read my part all right yeah yeah she had to read minor respond I'm a little scared to see you know what she say it in there because oh so let's let's address the audio book thing real quick look okay arguable so if you get the audio book you'll hear Tony's recording and I was supposed to record my parts but because of like Ovid and everything getting shut I wasn't able to record it because it happened around that time so just so you know it's not my voice but it's still yeah see someone just asked that um but it's still my words just um one else have to record it because I was two days were shut down and I'm not trying to get coded so yeah right yeah we keep saying that but like you have to understand the situation yeah this Jessie she just wrote me and I told her that yeah the studio was shut down when it was hurt hurt I mean honestly I'm a blank no publisher cuz we want to know - we wanted to push it back a little bit thank you but eyebrows you know they're they're hanging on now see these eyebrows this is one of my specialties okay this is a little bit what I do and see what I do that's now what I do is I actually had to sit and like pluck them today because they're looking a little rough and that is really painful just a little something I do on the side okay so what I do is I pluck with a special way so when you need not be full of that's my fee fee third stream with income okay all right now let's address this okay how many get we've been married how many have we been married 13 I'm asking you know I know I know I got it how do you live at 13 okay it's kind of anniversary what's the anniversary date yeah what is it asking you March 30th now see do you believe now you didn't know about my full pass right when I met you right why didn't you ask me about my full pass um because I knew if I knew your pass that I probably wouldn't have dated you and to be honest it doesn't really matter cuz every like if you ask the guys past nine times it's not gonna be honest - anyway so it's like you know he's I'm like oh yeah I slept with thousands not gonna tell you that so it's like I'm not I'm gonna give you the opportunity to live and then if I did know your truth I probably don't want it we'll see what axe for questions they ask don't actually want to know the answer to did I did not get you a number no I think you know no not until you got your first book and I stuck here on these interviews and I'm like okay so a lot of people they always say well a lady said to me today oh you wait you're Wyatt got with a man who had been messing around and all of that yeah I'll have all question right here how did we meet two different stories right so we actually met in the mall no no and what she said no so the mall was after we had a rent already met right and what see this a thing when I met her at the apartment complex I didn't know it was her I didn't know the same person that I saw in the mall brain so that's doesn't let me know that was gone yeah yeah so I was living the same a carpet apartment complex and we're in college I was on crutches he was on crutches and I used to run track in college those on crutches and he I was walking into the apartment with my roommate yeah you look the 6-3 Kombi brother Lonnie on on five ten so I'm like yeah and what I say it y'all so I think he might ask my number or something and I think because I said like no whatever man he went and asked my roommate it's not very when it was bad what it was bad so I said uh hey do y'all got a boyfriend and then she was like what'd you say I got a boyfriend yeah you know and I'm like what do you got a boy frickin either one of y'all huh hi hello bad what but then I was in the mall and I was walking through the mall did have any money and I said hmm that like a porter up the party Ricky and I see ain't no but they didn't know Puerto Rican I know so I said let me go over here and see if I could fake like I'm buying some of this jury she was seven hundred knew he was not gonna buy anything so um yeah you got here late I just we like we just said that I didn't know he was a player like when I met him she was a player I ain't tell all my business she found out when I published my book she read my book now when I walked up to her at the mall I say man that's a pretty woman here so I'm thinking you know I still was a grown boy and I'm faking like I wanted to buy some juror right but I knew you weren't gonna my knee and then I I shot my shot you know got a phone number we met up tall how long doctor now we talked like on the computer and like text for a while are you I could was my I am name what so you went into me no go I don't he was like you he was a friend but I'm her do you oh my I am yeah room rocker 89 well that's good hi the name was rim rocker 89 cuz he want the doll yeah I thought that I could dunk expected like a million calf raises in high school she used to try to play basketball I know I didn't okay alright I used to play basketball so I I tried it you playing hey yeah okay so basicly anytime I've seen you play basketball currently it's not pretty senator I already explained that to you I don't like to hurt people feel this so when I play basketball nah I take it easy cuz I don't know he's aka out of shape I don't want to hurt anybody feeling cuz I might ride to be a humble guy so now this is a question now did you have any clue that I have been a player in my past when you met me um I mean I didn't you didn't tell me but I mean that's majority of guys like at that age like that's what you know guys were doing but don't know the full extent of anything like ain't tellin and my number was five if somebody asked me my number it was fire cuz I just felt like that's decent little number Marilyn god bless you part of life did God tell you he was your husband if so in what ways that God speak to you about him um so I think it was more of a thing like if you're like praying to stuff you kind of like know or you have a feeling that this could be the right person you know so I think we talked the first one we talked and talked for like six hours maybe by the pool outside not in my house outside by the only before Court bench we thought for six hours and talked and I left the conversation saying like okay wow this could be someone I could marry and I had bench print in my bootie bench I mean Buddha was so yeah and now what you say it not to tell me to say about me oh gosh I said that you know okay I left the conversation saying okay this is someone that I could marry oh that's what you say yeah who you told it to my roommate at the time but I did break up with him after that so like short not like right away how long was that back to three months yeah probably so and why did you break up with me explaining this um because you're being like really kind of controlling and like kind of going off Intex I'm just like was a red flag I didn't like it and I didn't feel like we was they want your cash yeah well you can cash out to him but put my name in the comment so I mean in the caption um but you you were like texting like we're you yeah and if I like answered or didn't answer right away or um you know all that and I was like okay no you got time for it so I just went ahead let me go like I'm trying to be I was trying to be controlling right and I guess he thought I might think that's cute but I'm not I was like yeah no just like if I tell you I'm somewhere and you don't believe it but that's like not my issue so yeah I was trying to like what I did and I put this in my book call heel before you deal I didn't he'll know so I was in a toxic relationship for two years before her so I tried to bring that same energy right and she was like you see you later yeah now when you love me was it a bright was you planning on coming back was you expecting me to chase you um no none of the above but I mean cuz I think that you kind of what did you say when you left I think I just text him was like listen you're asking way too many questions we were like fresh you know maybe a couple months of dating and it kind of was just like it wasn't anything rude wasn't thinking mean I can't just said like you know I just maybe we just need to we don't like work together cuz that just I don't really it wasn't used to that and I wasn't gonna be answering 50 questions about going to the mall or so you just was willing to walk away from me yeah cuz I mean we doesn't let me go yeah good man like what you were gonna yeah you ready convinced on the whole line here what you say it cuz I'm I'm looking at her in the cameras y'all so I know y'all might think I'm reading your comment but she they're looking so good right here cuz he we on this hill lockdown so shame did it gotta dress up to also thank you Mary thank you got my blood s I could get started god bless you oh please don't be you want to know each I've got guns okay I'll try to do it more often so now what we gonna do being that we're in this situation right here on lockdown with y'all blessing us thank you you know we actually to do that but I appreciate it so what we're gonna do tonight be anything that come in I'm gonna bless her with it so that she could pay me for my services doing her brows and nails that thing for that why are we in this situation because she can't go to the nail place and all that so so you're doing my nails me yeah so thank you my nails are grown out he's not doing anything so if you get all your wisdom from about me explain is to me um I don't know if it was like that I had this like big manual of men it wasn't about my wisdom about men it was more so about how I thought about myself and like what I thought like men were so I never was like oh I'm desperate for this guy or I can't wait to be in a relationship or um I'm looking for my husband blah blah blah I was like okay man is there that looks like he's a good person okay great but if not I'm cool too I think that's like the perspective people have that's wrong is like they're so desperate that they acted out of desperation like I left someone that would turn out to be my husband not knowing if we'd ever talk again but I was okay with that because I was like I don't like the feeling that I'm getting in this like situation so I think it's more so about what I do but myself versus what I knew about a man not telling what you say it took me that little I'm bout yessiree yeah so I always thought of like I was never a big dater like in high school or even college it's very because I was thought of men as an accessory not a necessity right so that's how I operate early I was like okay well you know I didn't like that text I don't like how you spoke so let's just chill out like it's not I didn't you know I was never like the cause like what accessory much a closet like you man is like your nice handbag but you could take it off the handbag an outfit still looks cute that's how I 13-year when happy now you're in a semi now you could be like a t-shirt you know like a basic white team like that kind of it the question hey let me go back to 88 god bless you god bless you thank you see lots of questions so thank you appreciate that see this question okay so read it out loud okay so hey Sheree how did you identify that Tony had the ability to be the god-fearing man that you wanted in life so when we talked for that six hours right I didn't my point in the conversation wasn't to tell him all the things I required from him or everything about me I let him talk like he talked the whole time so I got to see like his heart and kind of like the things that he morally stood for we talked about everything from like Christianity to like just every like every basic thing you could think about so I think sometimes we like get caught up in talking so much and expressing like what we want or what we want in our life instead of listening so if you listen you get to see like the true character of someone so in that conversation I heard a lot of what I wanted to hear from him you can't make some that stuff up like like knowing certain pastures that I do or just different things so I think it was more about like listening like take the time let them talk and in that moment you'll hear like what you you know what you want to hear if you're looking for it I'll tell my wife I'll be like listen you're talker so when I'd be on the light if you had me feeling like this dance with me blessings coming in you like nah oh now I'm kind of listing why at all I'll get here to talk like this often y'all got to realize this how first time going live with me so now I'm listening I'm like do I learn from her she learned from me bang let me see Latoya god bless you god bless me see this old seed want that come on right old kids right yeah it's kind of a random like encounter kind of thing like he was writing me about his friend being in town or something and wanted to I don't know something like that was like very random I think was like months later we hadn't said like one word to each other like we had long yeah six months we hadn't like literally haven't spoke to each other at all I think he wrote me on like instant messenger computer or something ask me about like his friend was coming in town and my roommate wanna like hang out with him or something like that and end up falling through and we met up and we sat outside of my house on a picnic table and talked like it was always putting out all the way back Alex died of dude like is never in my house it was always on a bench probably uncomfortable I didn't care so and and now when I when I tried to grab my little Buddha she grabbed my hand pull it back up yeah I tried to get my little kiss on the lips she turned her face I had to kiss on the cheek got a forehead I was like wow yeah hey god bless you Oh see see god bless you y'all are such a beautiful couple is what real love looks like yeah we need to pop one wall hey god bless you yeah no I got the pale appearance for you to come on here but it's the thing she really focus on family yeah she really focus on family and she she'd be biting boys two songs I said well I was at 9:15 that's why I was at 9:15 I had to make it 9:15 because I know they got to do that nighttime routine they come give me my hook she take them in the room say a prayer with this one going the other one won't say a prayer with him so I knew 9:15 because you know in that situation they go to bed a little later what is this day so interesting you and ask questions about you when you first started dating um yeah of course like I mean I wouldn't have continued if it was like just all about him but what I mean is I just let him have time to talk cuz what what happened when a man gets to talk about much they'll either like show you the person you want to be with or they all hang their own self that's not my time I don't blowing not this more face moisturizer okay uh never boss around cuz you don't even smell this you know hey you know I my whole life I didn't smile for 32 years then I started smiling at 32 but when I told her that she was gonna make me smile just because you know I've been that I've been at this since 2007 and she's been supporting me so it's like bringing your wife to work day for me so you know it just feels good Tony at what point did you realize she was your wife to be honest with you the first time we talked it was six hours so when I got up I called my mama my my homeboy and I thanked my sister and I said hey I just met my wife and the reason why it the face you looking at me look fellas thanks but your conversation but the reason why listening was because we talk for six hours and she could talk about everything and what I noticed was when I got a close - I'm like okay she take care of herself stephannie god Bless You God bless you part in her life she take care of herself and she was she was emotionally intelligent she didn't debate she didn't want to argue like I could have said something maybe she disagree with but it's like why argue with a stranger so she sat and she listened and so it was like emotional intelligence and she could talk about anything we talked about politics we talked about sports we talked about religion we talked about school college dreams hopes everything and so I like many gwanak ago they want to really know how to hold a conversation without trying to dominate the conversation right hey god bless y'all point up blessing my god buddy help me quarantine radio 9 what they had a block I saw today absolutely not jack on a god bless you I love you both I will be picking up my book at Barnes & Noble some are also now see you were done reading a question yeah why is he read six 600 words a minute so whenever we read something I'd be like up here and he'd be down here does she say thank you ain't no you say thank you for a 25 role I would say you have plenty of time and so you don't have to rush anything so I think in being 25 you can be patient and you can see red flags and let people go so you don't have to act in a sense of desperation 25 you got plenty of time work on yourself if someone falls in your lap that seems like mr. right okay great but if not keep moving until until you know now was i mr. right because I fell in your lap somebody asked well how old were we when we met ha ha ha what's that girl you finally make sure this one okay well by the con get you play aid I told y'all Shana did we tell Shane yeah we did god bless this ain't a part of our life Oh Canada in the house god bless you honesty is the best policy Cherie so shed some light on how you got through knowing you might not see Tony again after you let him go good question Sheriff don't you want this part I mean not that really wasn't linked because okay here's the thing if someone is exhibiting like red flags and signs that they could be controlling which then leads to abusiveness you shouldn't feel just right about that lady no sleep absolutely not walking about your life I pushed you out my life you don't walk out so so think it's like you can't lose sleep over someone that isn't healthy free you get like you just like who I dodged a bullet amen and keep on moving like you know god bless you Gia CDs right here some time I did disappear like on the ones I try to god bless you you're welcome you read the whole question yeah I ain't getting read it off uh see thank you for being your wife to work today okay to operation lady and you reading to fan now you need to slow down on it read Thank You Helen bless you oh yeah that's a pal Oh a URL I just completed chapter 1 in the 72 hour will rule what struck me was the fact that you were willing to walk away from a marriage what made you believe he would act on your stipulations after it then revert to his old days god bless you um the thing is people I think people asses a lot like how do you know they'll come back you don't know like you don't know like you may walk out and it may not work out but if it doesn't work out then it's not meant to be you just have to be okay with that like I feel like people leave and then they're like waiting by their phone and they're like so desperate for the person you have to leave because you love yourself not because you want to prove a point if you're gonna lead to prove a point then don't leave you're just setting yourself up for failure leave because you're completely a hundred percent okay of your decision to be by yourself then if you leave and they don't call you you're completely fine you're going about your day like when we were dating or even when we were married but mostly were dating if I was like upset if I wasn't if I told myself I wasn't talked to him I would literally put my phone under my bed and continue about my days there was no temptation there was no like you know I didn't even see his calls he would call a hundred times yeah what'd you put on my bad one do you babe under my bed so you weren't even looking at it no well that way don't like don't take that as like oh I'm leaving to prove a point or I'm leaving to do this if you're doing that and that's the wrong reason leave because you deserve better you want better and you're okay with it not working out I didn't know who's gonna come back that was not the intent and I wasn't actually intending on him to come back any advice for 27 year old mom of two separate of her husband gonna work out between us god bless your chance thank ya thank you um I would say that be thankful that you learned early on I'm like that he's not a good person for you and you're really young you have plenty of time to find someone else but work on yourself and this time spend time with your kids and just build yourself a back up so that you can be ready when the time comes again but if you're leaving him but it's obviously for a good reason and be okay with your reasoning I am queen she is the brains of the reason that you getting out of hand getting out of hand she is though door to god bless you thank you for that now somebody add a song na to Bella got something going on I keep saying to Bella and I see to Bella Mia I tell you - Bella caramel kiss isn't Cher they got the ability to block people right mute people and y'all know and play by the Queen I saw anybody get out of pocket any troll a blonde spraying you gone Roxie god bless you god bless now who so nice a nice God I'm actually not a big talker more listener so I was dating this guy that told me I'm too quiet so he stopped dating me but I'm thinking isn't that the point of relationship to cultivate each other and strengthen each other in the areas that are weak am I wrong yeah hey god bless you should nice thank you for that blessing that's a huge blessing baby what you've got to say to that about cultivating because I mean she actually is quiet like she wasn't talking and then she was not the world's greatest communicator like we would get into a real conversation she'll shut down a lot of times now know how you got through that how did you I think it's time and I think that any person you're dating should understand that as you're like eyes who feel safer with them you open up a little bit more as the time progresses so that person that left he wasn't for you you'll find someone that like sees like hey yeah you might be quiet but as I love her and show her she's safe here this is a safe place she'll continue to develop into a more talkative person you'll be able to open up more so it's okay that person um left they weren't they weren't for you in as you feel more comfortable you will be more vocal and be able to talk more and open up to that person because you'll feel safe you obviously didn't feel safe there and it wasn't your safe place and that's okay you just move on and find someone else who can give you that safe place you all do you all of for bless you yeah Queen Gaskins what advice will you give for a 30 year old single mom who wants to marry a godly man I can trust Allah with my child be very patient your kids are honestly the most important thing so you have to take your time and don't introduce them to your kids you look like you a good amount of time so you can see everything the good and the bad all those little things that kind of like after the honeymoon fades kind of come out you wait for all of that and you also let them feel that your child is a priority so if they say let's go on a date and you're like you got your kid needs to be in bed at 9:00 you say no sorry tada so that they can understand that's your priority at the moment and you'll find someone that can appreciate that that respects that and that will be great to provide your kids but you just have to be really patient and not being a rush don't act out of desperation your child is first and then that person you meet will always be second Queen Sharif who was your main influence has a young woman before you met Tony I would see my mom for like dating my mom was a tough cookie she's like her traditional Jamaican woman and I wouldn't say like I was like looking at my mom for relationship advice I just think that her strength and just life like the struggles and everything the strength that she had kind of just carried over um in ways I didn't really realize until I got into relationships and I just always saw her function with or without a man and so I kind of realized you'll be all right it could be by yourself you do do you work two jobs you did you got do and if you got a man okay great you know just go to god bless you god bless you be blessed gasps names Tony Montana when you pretend ya get to the end I Bianca god bless you okay you really don't want narcissistic act left me has given his life to Christ and I see has changed take him back say no or take things slow I mean I can't tell you whether to take someone back or not that's totally on you but if you do definitely take it very slow because everyone can put on an act for like three months to a year so if after six months he's still that same person a year like you let him pass all those benchmarks before you give him a hundred percent floor make that man work with you absolutely but at least for sure like people can always act for like three to six months they can always put on an act and then you'll start to see small things and as soon as you start to see red flags you need to let it go so don't like give those red flags grace like okay no you already left him one time so as soon as you see things that remind you of that old person all right cuz everybody finds Christ in their break but they don't really find them so you got to make sure that he actually found him Shanta god bless and I said I got a bag on ICT probably in the VIP so I do I have coached a few people right now I'm not just because with being home I gotta like teach my five my six-year-old and just a lot going on so I don't really have the time during the daytime if you like follow me it's again you probably see it's pretty busy but um after this period I probably will start coaching and be very limited just cuz of the time and I'm not willing to like give all of my time to it but um so yeah after we're not in quarantine anymore and the kids are on a regular schedule then I will open up some session so we'll post about it when it's open let me see Misha god bless you I have a hard time being confrontational letting things build up cut people off when I feel wrong I know this will be unhealthy in a relationship advice how difficult so I kind of am similar in that sense like I I've done that like with friendships I've done that in a lot of relational ah'd of different relationships not even just like dating when I feel like you're not treating me right I will but I think it's a pro and a con like it can help you Nation because you'll be tough you'll be strong but you have to find that person that allows you to soften up just a little bit and the right person will soften you up you'll realize you won't even realize her until it happened so I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing because it'll give you kind of like that filter to filter out foolishness that was that one yeah rad woman's influence today did 95 percent like Cherie he still left four days after abortion now he's with a CPA director I'm a designer my job money satis the problem he's a lawyer um no your job probably isn't the problem he just wasn't a hundred percent committed like so often I think women are like what did I do wrong like you don't have to have done anything wrong he could have just not been really committed and saw the next thing that was walking and then left and and that's okay like you just got to understand that and not blame yourself move on and are saying that you got bigger and better coming cuz if you can't cry over spilled rotten milk so like if he was a man that left you and he's no one to waste your time even thinking about like move on someone else is better out for you and you just dodged a bullet so not just filled meals bill writing great meal right tea tea god bless you redeemed god bless somebody asked me a question here oh you go wow these things piling up y'all y'all forgive me hold on okay let's go a little fast maybe March 31st he's birthdays a ninth and - 15 so I reach out much my birthday would just go about my day uh go about your day hon if y'all broke up keep moving cuz then he knows you're thinking about them and it gives that door open to communication no keep on the server if they wish I'm taking y'all away I'm gonna retire and let her take over did I take care of kids no our kids be failing in school yeah thank you - yes god bless you Sarah Dominguez um so I'm okay so I'm not a doctor but thank you for thinking that I am but no I did like the first year of like a master's program my first year med school program and then I we had our son and he was a preemie baby and I chose to take care of him cuz I couldn't do both he was came with a Nicky was there for four months and then I just realized that wasn't where God wanted to meet me to be at the moment but um it's all balancing act then you just put your priorities first and whatever your prior maybe at the moment is what you take care of first there's a good question yeah do know somebody asked me what made me stop chasing other women and she just was everything it's like when you find that thing you have no reason to keep looking so I found a woman who loved God a woman who knows how to express herself in a conversation know how to hold a conversation she's respectful she's kind she's loving she's ambitious so it wasn't looking like she wasn't looking for a meal ticket she wasn't trying to get on her back to keep me she wasn't willing to put up with whatever I wanted to give her and it just was like out of by this time when I met her she probably was like the hundred and thirtieth woman that I had dated and cuz I've been dating since 15 and I was looking for my wife and when I met her she literally was in a class of her own because every other woman has something that was like you know they was settle they would bring their past into the present and it would be too prominent and I literally honestly was looking for a woman who could call me out hold me accountable and because I want it better but every woman I met they would reinforce my grown boy behavior and that's why I titled this book a woman's influence because it was her influence I wanted to do better but it was her wanting and holding me to it Jacqueline god bless you because you're both wishing him anything okay maybe not yeah a lot of that now see which one you wanna address do you feel your marriage is strong due to many similarities y'all have or you because you both complement each other weaknesses we're actually complete opposites in a lot of ways so some of those things like we balance each other out because of our differences if he says he likes this kind of food I would eat the completely opposite thing here's some examples of that how are we completely different um just appreciate like she won't eat a bowl of Esther she want to eat a bowl of vision he wants really some Popeyes right right so he's allowed to have Popeye his once a month she like her some fiction books and like the what's a podcast that's about crime and stuff right and all I wanted to listen to some something all right and she is very outgoing so like she like roller coasters I jumped on a plane for playing 14,000 feet I'm on the plane we look on the sign let's say no flagellants I said May what flagellants and then what's blood Julie's no passing gas I like oh yeah well I felt like my stomach I'll get ready to let it go but I jumped out a plane 14,000 feet skydive to show her how much I love her like me I like to stay on the ground I like what she likes my man so she gonna plan eight do it was yeah it was eight different things and each of them had like a clue and this always like it was a clue you know we're gonna fly like oh no you'll have a bird's-eye view and it's Susie yes it was like oh Lord Oh got me jumping our plan me too yeah it's a mix some things are about you some things about me and I mean I have no life insurance at the time so I knew it was just by law countless milk god bless you listen to the book today great work Thank You Sheree apart from your daily devotional with God what else did you do to grow and improve yourself love um so I think it's a lot of like your self-talk what you listen to what you speak to yourself also like when in our marriage like when we had difficulties or issues or things like that I when we talked I would take whatever we talked about and like find the good in it and make the growth in those areas but I think she's always seeking and wanting to be better so if you know you have an area that you can work on and it's then wanting to see growth in that area and being honest to yourself I think so many people feel like oh well I'm God's gift or whatever the case might be that you have no areas of improvement but you do and we all know the areas that we lack so it's just being honest to yourself and then making an effort a conscious effort to grow in those areas but I also think it was just my outlook on relationships and how that even find I think I was like oh the previous girl in the world I feel like I still deserved someone that treated me that way and you as a beautiful I think it's a horrible idea of me just to focus on me but have a guy for what I want some attention because it seems when I get into something I put too much into it and get dried so I'm just ready to be standoffish it's not about being standoffish you don't need a coach assist question yeah yeah in the VIP now god bless you what you gonna do come yet companies of coaching but examine that you can't you can't play with fire cuz if you bring someone your life just for attention it's gonna backfire you and every time so if you're gonna work on yourself and work on yourself with nobody else involved you shouldn't need a man for attention during that time so you gotta gotta be you gotta be on one side of the fence the Lord God bless you in life married five years mine at church but haven't been since move what does that mean he doesn't contribute she haven't been since she moved oh okay he doesn't contribute to houses mean disrespectful refuses council been sleeping differently was report for two years fam says I need to get back in God's grace to fix marriage what's your opinion stay ago if he's been disrespectful to you and doesn't want to get help then I feel like now let's know what to do but if it was me and then he's not trying to love you and he's not trying to grow on your in your area sleeping in different water 20 years he's not interested in you anymore and there's no there's nothing it has nothing to do with you being in God's grace it's him not wanting to be in that relationship so I think if someone's being disrespectful to you and being mean to you then I wouldn't waste any more time there somebody say to me talk fast I do I'm sorry she does I talk about it she talk like a blogger now when I met her we in the south so she could talk a little hood so she put a little bit of the hood you know put on that's that that's the phase of life that wasn't yeah she was a little more who'd beat now cuz she Jamaican and Indians are making so I'm like okay yeah you know Matt no it's a making with Indian so are these questions to but see they but they up here Oh Paul's here so they come up here they put them in their fat now when we got married she put that she went to talking problem I could mix it up don't get it twisted oh alright guy was getting to knew you are a goblin what telling would tell me he doesn't want me to leave passive-aggressive about things and apologizes too much I cut it off and tell him to work on himself and he always that right to say that absolutely hey let me read the question kind of dude wait you read our Yuri so I can process what she said I let me read this question here already incident read the question I said you never gonna answer any questions okay God was getting to know what tell me he doesn't want me to leave okay passive-aggressive passive-aggressive about things and apologizes too much I couldn't often told him to work on himself and he'll was our right to say that yeah absolutely W say yes what other education and now God bless you of the fact that you're so smitten I've never seen you smile so much hey dr. Hart great god bless the dr. Hart gray yeah ain't gonna take my love is me good night some god bless you advice for women late 30s early 40s still waiting on love the way this heart no matter how positive you are the dating pool is small and time seems to be flying by how to cope with it may not happen oh I got to read again now i'ma tell you not in initial work remember when you asked that question you what you got to ask yourself is what have you done have you written your book have you started your company have you started your nonprofit are you at your goal weight have you do you have your goal and have you accomplished all your single goals that's what you got to get to because if you're just sitting there waiting and you come to waste away it's gonna be even longer and you won't attract the man that you need or deserve Chrissa god bless you saw his dad said he loves me is not trying to love another miss me but not the headache told him well you're not trying to get me back said that was not true not consistent with calls chasing money he's not consistent cuz you're still there and he's able to reach you and he wants to reach you if you only talk to you about your son and showed him you were serious about moving on if he wasn't ready then he would actually try to get you back if um he wanted to but you're still there so we can have his cake and eat it too hey we got my 15 more minutes nine um thank you guys for your open honesty and true self I signed up for the Academy ten stuff to self love and the first two questions broke me I need coaching I'm very grateful to humble for y'all services god bless you and thank you for that blessing you could go to my mentor that life my mentor that life you may see it all here a little bit oh no we got about 20 more minutes cuz we start a little lazy god bless you Monique let me see how did you implement and enforce boundaries with Tony right away so like just like I said like when we had our first conversations they were outside they were at the pool in public places at picnic tables and then the first time I let him come in my house and we were like watching a movie and I think he putting his hand on my thigh and I took it off then he put his hand on my thigh again I took it off I think it's every time I was like oh he won't believe it was like that overnight it was dark outside and Amy I'm sure don't know boo no no cd8 oh my god I'm making my chances on girl what you kind of put me up with all this jumping and eight-pack now what she was up to I just thought that was inappropriate and I had actually to stop in third time's a charm out if I tell you three times you won't be nickel par and that's what throat matter - because I'm like I had been I feel so every woman was like there was jazz if you want a date whatever you want to do they was ready and when I met her I'm having to jump through fiery hoops so I'm like wow so when you meet somebody that's on another level on my age or age there's my two met my match not I got to be you that sees vision what Chandi she said she'll sign up for a session I have to work out or add you so much you pay for the night I know you just pull it all up you can afford a session now what you did we're gonna for so much to be on the phone for hours after all the things I'm getting through a I feel you but I was a long time to be honest with you I was a long time for tea god bless you okay you read it baby cuz I'm trying to keep up with how do you determine whether you're settling or not sometimes you meet nice well disrespectful people but you don't necessarily in them being the one how to know when to move on um something is you have to also check yourself and see what you're looking for to be the one so if they meet like when I said I've met him and he was the one it wasn't because like oh he has the most money in the world or you know he ticks all these like physical things it was more about like his morals who he was as a person so I think a lot of times you're like oh well is he 6 4 or is he working in this great job or all these different things and it just depends on what you're looking for so if you yourself are being you know looking for the wrong things then every single person is not gonna check any of those boxes so what you're looking for those right things that are gonna actually matter in a marriage I'll try to read a question fast but love to see God bless your true healthy leading man cause we're shine through you I didn't stand by my standards throughout relationship I love him and know my lack of self-love played in the failure but how can bring it to his attention that I'm operating from self-love now ah you can't like you you can't operate out of self-love for him you got to operate out of self-love and continue on with your life and if it comes back full circle okay great but it's not your job to go and point it out to him that's just its desperation you got it if you truly love yourself then you don't go back you move forward and understand it yes it was a mistake and but everything happens for a reason to make it in the house okay don't get it twisted now this is the awesome chance tonight you guys are so full of sugar and spice and all things nice thank you thank you do you that's for you I don't know what the reason is is there a little bit yes yes yes yes I do recommend that course what you saw on Sheree how do you describe letting a man lead in love do you know what I mean um leading in love like letting a man love you like this job yeah memo on chopped and you have them say it first no actually it's really difficult for me because I in our marriage or just always growing up I've always been very independent and like take care of myself but then we were first married and I like I didn't ask him for anything I didn't like god that's a really difficult thing for me so it took time to be like to be able to get things and they don't bless little widow that's a nice blessing oh yes then you said you give it to me that's how they blessed it so we need okay anyways so um I mean you lose 25 but I think it just takes time and I thought oh god we feel like a dance yeah money's gonna go down when you start dancing if that's not the skill that they come here for yeah but I think it just takes time and it it um I mean what's between by Ronnie let me look back at nothing am I the Savage okay look I tried to get him to do a tick-tock with me and he refuses they all time how's when I just split up and I feel that's messed up with Co but he's supposed to be the head of the house it's been practiced you're hard and depressing should I fight or be patient any advice um well if he's pulled up with you there's nothing to fight for like you can't make someone's day that doesn't want to be there so you gotta understand and respect his decision and keep moving and act like he's not there and you just gotta figure out how to get it on your own and you can you know how does that we'll be okay it'll be rough at first but you'll be okay she talked about the club I might tell you about my club for couples uh-huh you gonna do it we'll talk about it later how'd it get passed along this while waiting I know we say pray or happy zone once you finish your prayer workout then you still want a companion um and you have to understand it's gonna be a real feeling that you feel at times and that's okay but there's always something else for you to work on so whether that's you know just watch movie hanging out with friends like you know you're gonna feel that feeling address it understand it's real but not let it consume you yes this one beautiful did you leave him before after you were married the first few years of marriage I heard it's tough it is did you pray for him in specific to be the man he is today or did he change on his own I'm the question so yeah so I did leave him once when you're married our baby was in the NICU um and what NICU neonatal intensive care unit he was four and three months premature so I had to I wasn't working at the time I think wasn't maternity leave maybe um so I could leave him at that moment and I left him prepared to like not come back and not be with him because he had my bathtub selling drugs and whatever and you know just a canned food so I left him and she told me you know gyoon right yeah that ain't cute yeah so I did and yes I did um pray for him to grow in areas that I thought he needed to grow in I separate specific prayers like Laura please help him to you know see his worth I mean there's only some points where I was just like lord help him not like just pray specific things you want work I'm gonna give one thing a day and you just pray but first it's argue with them he would present an idea that I didn't like and I would pray that night that the Lord show him that idea was wrong and then he would wake up light ain't no mind I'm like okay what you yes praying against mom because it universe is having an argument like might argue about it I know it's wrong I'll just Primack Lord show him the error in his ways okay we fear the golden sea I tell you I got learned by somebody you see all right Brannon gets more even knowing okay okay y'all we got about 15 more minutes ten more minutes ten fifteen more minutes it's a lot of little comment so I'm trying to look for the question okay let me see what kita Sam god bless Shiki do thank you pardon alike now I can't be blessed like on or he might be a secret me now no do the tip top there's all right there you see this one yeah okay what is he had to leave husband been three months he was disrespectful held him accountable he cheated prayer now he says now he says he kicked me out but messages and calls and he denies talking to women now but I know oh he's messaging calling you just block them for right now you know um because if he's not if he's not being a man he needs to be he shouldn't go to reach you and I said she walked Queen oh yeah and I promise you in those moment of silence that's when they decide to grow wait when you cannot reach someone when you physically like when he cannot reach you through calling you 100 times texting you hundred times he will then realize either a how much he needs you in his life or be home move on and your should be okay either way that's ain't here the 72-hour rule I created 72-hour rule I heard Drake online of they lying by said to our rule he made it something else but no we both got him to our rule I created 72-hour rule after and when we was married when she left me she left for three days and I was Colin Colin cold and I probably call eighty eight times because I saw they don't movie that a man called eighty eight time it was more than that so I'll probably call eighty eight times and yield more to that hmm it's not that I just found out nine the phone was under the beat so now I'm hot okay so in that time it allowed me to go through a range of emotions right and I was coaching myself so by the time she answered the phone I was like hey what you need me to do Empire State Building I'm standing up there anything you need me to do just tell me what you need you got it so that's what you really got to realize and these God Bless You God bless you should need Tomiko god bless you y'all sha na na hold on y'all just before everybody in before the Lord we're gonna happen to come up with a new arrangement for the blessings that's all no see this hold him accountable y'all said he said he's gonna bless me with it so well I'm gonna tell you what okay I'm gonna charge you 250 the DUI brahs first of all you don't do any of that imma charge you yes 75 okay anyways Santa five for your feet you haven't done any of those things right it's not 85 go back to the questions please to make a god bless you Leah god bless he was late Leia god bless Tony no chargebacks easily put that thank you how should we share with us TT thank you okay don't nobody get that nothing hater boy hey there's no I can't see you shine question all right we got about ten more minutes now cuz I can't hold the Queen on here too long y'all know I do 90 minutes now but uh I can't hold the Queen on her too long I'm trying to read on Tony don't be stingy see you go home I am what's both y'all zodiac god bless that go together oh yeah god I don't know we don't really do zodiac signs I mean like we don't really like pay attention to that but I'm a Pisces we breath see a Libra you know what almost broke up with when I saw this one of y'all a little horoscope thing that y'all be putting out there we grew up in the church so you really don't read horoscopes a zodiac when you grow up in a church because you know your parents be like a and so I saw this thing that's it Libra and Pisces is like 50% my 50 feet like people just a parable if I've ever read anything about it like I'm like kind of a mix like Virgo and me bro look I have a lot of Virgo traits cuz it's early in the Libra section but everything yeah we can say the same five right so the other day I don't think that really matters and if y'all keep basing your life on that you got no single forever so that is another thing to what I tell people don't don't get caught up in as in that zodiac and all of that because you'll start to believe it all right and then you're like oh someone's touching says they can't be my whatever and it's all of that we cause based on that we're not supposed to be together right and so another thing about that too is your believe it Mary and god bless you god bless you now don't talk getting at nothing now because the only game beside herself bless you speak on how you being mean in the beginning of your marriage made a charade should we be being entertaining um what she adapted to the situation like she wasn't gonna be the type that just lay down and just let me be me so I felt like by me being kind of condescending and when I say mean don't let your mind go too far I just be kind of look look you know attitude I like that and it made her kind of like put a wall I said like your safe place so at that time he wasn't my safe place so I'm like I'm not gonna let my guard down around someone that I don't trust to keep my feelings and everything safe so I was time to honor that I could felt like that was my safe place then I became more kind and like loving and opening up in that way keyonna god bless you readers if you guys could go back in time would you go save yourselves for marriage or do you feel like it's just that bump in the road that brought y'all close together and made Rock row after of course like if you could go back you would now to be honest I feel like God knew what he was doing because had we not had a little Tony we probably would not be together he was a thing that was like okay if I'm gonna give it a chance it's firm I like son and like his father so I think God knew that we needed that in order for us to be in the place that we are because Tony also caused him to grow up and when I knew it was like God took what the devil meant for evil way and made it good right go we was in seeing right but it was really because - she wasn't raised to be like her mama didn't talk to her about that right so like you it was like you know I fear - making you know like it's just like you don't talk about it and it doesn't happen and you know that it is what it is so you I had to learn myself so we're obviously better educating our kids in that way but yeah you just didn't know anything so I kind of learned and taught myself which of course we're teaching herself free to make mistakes but um yeah do I think every happens for a reason right it worked out but if I could I would definitely I would I would wait - I just was operating based on what society was saying a man should be and to be honest like I'm here today like y'all see me but when we met there was someone saying you gotta give her every penny of that money so I'm telling you what it said we'll check back in with all along that what but what when we met it was nobody preaching abstinence it was nobody it was no young relationship coaches that you could look up to right wait why didn't know you to know was it or if it was I wasn't watching guys it no one II Tomiko god bless you no thank you no job no chargebacks not god bless you Oh Tony what is your favorite character trait about Sheree Jackman god bless you I'll be honest with you I can't even pick one because it's life I love her energy you know I love her intelligence I love the way she think outside of the box I love her emotional intelligence like she never yelled at me she never cursed at me she let me see her back walking out the door what you're not the type of where she going set up come on you know he never like that and I just I love just when we was flat broke we didn't have no furniture in the living room she still was all smiles when we had to skip bills and stagger our bills when we had lights off for water all four car repossessed she still was Jess she never liked you ain't even no real man you ain't it and I just was like this woman so she was sent by God I don't think it was all her I really believe it was God that just said look this what I'm about to do with y'all so I need you to be down for the call ten told down and he gave her the peace and the strength and the wisdom to where she needed to walk away she could walk away purely for kid god bless you god bless you what I say Cherie this blessing is because you have a dedicated mom it's the highest calling Bravo thank you he stayed back because people don't always acknowledge that you write it you write and I was trapped in society of you thinking that old woman got to beat his boss got to be out doing all this traveling the world I gotta be a speaker with a husband got me doing all this and then it dawned on me in our marriage like she doing the highest calling that you could do right because it ain't about us right it's not about us our future just a bottom legacy yep hey god bless y'all sending two-minute blessings do you think it means anything spiritual to see someone I dated everywhere and his name and his name isn't common no I think you just want to see it kinda like you know you get a new car and you see that brand of car all the time it doesn't it doesn't mean anything is it god bless you Julia bless you Cherie what advice would you give to a 23 year old trying to pick the right career path not sure the career I'm in is what's best for me I would definitely say listen to your heart and um you have to just go with what you're good at so identify your talents and find a career that aligns with that I think being Jamaican I get it that like you're kind of you know certain careers are kind of like put in front of you that's all you know and you would you break it nope I'm saying no I'm Jamaican I underst so I think that there's such an important thing in figuring out what you're good at and like what makes you excited and find that thing that makes you excited and pursue that so I knew that time you got time like you can do what you want to do right now to pay the bills but still be seeking that future thing it may be something that you do you on your own it may be working for someone doesn't matter there's no right or wrong way I'm Bihar Tony can you speak about faithfulness in marriage as a man do you feel like men can settle down or do you think the old saying that a man will only be as faithful as his options is true a man can't settle down but I honestly feel like his purpose has to be a line like he got to know what he's here for what he's doing and I never thought that I could be faithful but here I am 13 years of marriage and we haven't had to go through like this knock-down drag-out affair women called me own and all that and she wouldn't she wouldn't put on you know our first two years we were learning each other getting each other but I learned that I could be faithful but at the same time she helped me identify my gifts and my purpose and so that's what really in addition to me loving her I love God and souls that's bigger than just me and that's not something like you define someone that has that moral compass even if it's a little bit kind of like in the Shelf needs to be dusted off but it has to be there you can't expect someone that's like doesn't operate from that to be sick to be faithful to you because they respect nobody else on a higher power you know the gods cave god bless you how did you open up to receive change and not keep walls up X is making efforts to show he's change but I'm still skeptical I would like it to work I know it takes to to move forward I think it's important if it is an X to keep walls up until you feel like it's genuine but on the other side if you cannot break those walls down with that person and they're not supposed to be with him soon as an X is an X for a reason even though he's changed it may not be enough for you so identify if you can be in that relationship while being your true self and if not then there's no point to be in it because he will be frustrated with you and you'll be frustrated with him the honor miss Rachel asked god bless you Cena got 35 I'm 30 no sex he has two kids it's two moms naturally I felt skeptical but he is putting in the work our combos no pressure for sex does this man deserve a chance what should I be watching out for um I mean yeah because I feel like people make mistakes when they're younger so maybe he's grown and maybe he's you know come to a better place if he's not pressuring for sex and that's a great thing and I think you have to be patient you know um let him show you if he truly is that person and as time will tell kids like everyone can not press you for sex for the first few months so or other trying to court you but see if he continues to be that same person of integrity and if so then of course you deserve the chance I mean why not Tiffany little god bless you Selita god bless you thank you both for the awesome chat tonight hope this will become a regular thing eh nah I'm willing to have it all here whenever she'll be all here now talking love God bless your single for so long and loving my me time but I feel like I'm too comfortable with being alone I've dated I haven't dated anyone in years any advice um you probably are cuz it's been so long and you're gonna step out your comfort zone a little bit be okay to going places once you know we're allowed to going places where you can meet someone or bump into someone and just be open for the opportunity um cuz it won't happen unless you put yourself in a place that you are able to be reached but it's okay to be okay being alone because that way if you do meet someone they're not they're not the right person for you though you'll be okay with walking away so you get one question in the green maybe the time I the last one this one no it's not a question tell me - Leah god bless you did we miss somebody question up there it could have disappeared because sometimes if like the big the big ones the they hold it up there am I your strength missus Gaskins how are you able to be so strong when you left Tony so I think it's a balance of understanding why you're leaving that you have a reason and then also sometimes you got to like even fake it till you make it like you may be hurt a little bit or you may be bothered but you have to just continue speak to yourself and like remind yourself over and over again of why you're not there and then we're like why you don't want that person there and remind yourself that you're better than that and you deserve better and I know you just the Perseid do you Tony into my videos and do you laugh at him all the time cuz he is a part-time comedian you see I really don't tell jokes you know I know he's always being a clown I don't see all of them I see some of them cuz he does film quite often so I wouldn't be able to watch all of them but I do see some of them and I hear them a lot of times when he's filming and I hear him filming it hear what he's saying there where you get all your game from no sir you get your game for me you just don't admit it hold on you said I hear what he's saying and you kind of did it with this like I'd be saying son you'll improve oh no no no tell you if I didn't drop I'm not eavesdropping you just told yeah god bless you thank you so much for allowing your husband to help us because whether we ladies understand it or not that's a sacrifice for you as well I really appreciate it you're welcome but a sacrifice is how much of a sacrifice and how did you get to that place of being okay with letting me serve um I guess I've never been the person that needs like someone to be like up under them or something like I don't know like people just always ask me how are you okay cuz you he's a travel look a lot like all the time and they're like how are you okay with him traveling I'm like that's his job like I got stuff to do like I'm not what you might miss you but I'm also not like I can't function if you're not here I got two children no I mean I thank you it is a sacrifice but I also I mean he's you know every I know I fall asleep before he gets out does he mean here five hours doing it yeah eh but you know I be at Miranda John's god bless you you read back cut off hello I put my husband out due to cheating behavior I told him he needs help so I introduced into Tony's YouTube and now he's asked asking how can he get help let him sign up for some coaching if you will do coaching and pay to get better then he's on the right track if he won't do coaching then he knows that he's just kind of pulling your leg and he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear so email support Antonio says calm or look on my mentor dad our life so I'm having time for a coaching session and Tony will talk to him and then he can tell you if he's really seriously about change a guy from my past wants to pursue me and I told him he needs time for a coaching session with you and that is the only way I would consider giving him opportunity he need keeps being hesitant saying he doesn't need it really is one Beauty event because whatever your stipulation is he should if he really wants to do with you he'll do it you're right when she told me everything I need to do you got to get coaching my dad is a life coach and he's a pastor so ain't had a money she let me sign with him but she made sure I had to talk to him and he actually taught me how to be a man cuz he knew even though he had made mistakes she told him I got to get back in the church the next morning I was in the church and I was at an altar call he hit me the pastor put the mic in my face God rest his soul and I said I was in the street but now I'm in here I want to rededicate my life he said you want to say anything young lady and she said I'm just up here to support him and then what he's talking oh I got to get out of streets so I called my homeboys I said listen I ain't coming to the club no more and I can't be in the streets hustling no more what man you can't do it like that oh mama oh [ __ ] I say a bra you ain't gonna see me no more god bless it not a look at me today and then like whoa that man made because but as sacrifice sure you have how to interact with an emotionally abusive ex who I see at work ignore completely or be cordial he says hi do I say hi back or completely ignore I never initiate that so I you're at work so I would keep it civil but no more than so he says hi you say hello you hit him with the formal we're not friends I'm gonna say hello to you like you're a complete stranger and I'm not gonna let you know that you're getting like you're so under my skin that I have to ignore you so he says hi hello and keep it moving listen it'll be man no you want to thank that but no oh god how you got me will how does one get to a place of emotional intelligence um I did you do that could I be trying to get under your skin so I'm trying to see um I think it's that like I no matter what's going on like I always immensely find myself to stay cool calm and collected so I never let myself no matter how much I want to I'm always like it's like it's an internal thought like cool calm and collected he can be saying all kind of craziness back in the day and our times look at him not and keep it moving and then I I personally believe in killing someone what silence then words helmet a/c crazy that's why she gotta be telling myself you know cuz honestly I always say it's like it's two things for me it's like cool calm and collected or prison for life so I want to stay over here so I say cool calm and collected and I mean I hated it CeeLo god bless you thank you for being a great influence and aspirations in Tony's life sure he's a blessing to us much appreciation for blocking your purpose and helping Tony stay in his when he wanted to switch is something else thank you I appreciate that see poor in our life I try to switch the business on y'all several time yeah and I told Tyler trying I asked another day can I open up a piece of shop I want to open up can't use a baby went open a piece of shop but don't know how to make pizza it's like no this is about like finds me you're actually good acts and now I pointed strongest buddy get back in okay go smacks the questions cuz anybody ask my children Oh anybody asks about your other aspirations I'm finna root out y'all oh that's awesome good job thank you to me good Wow mom you are not like book Tameka love your messages and advice continue people asking Thank You Leslie alright ladies and gentlemen I say see how can be those on Oh welcome because just ones if they do a donation to go to the top but these is just in the chat oh you do mommy advice you're awesome and how you easy boys I'm not worried about men I really want to be the best mom I can be and gain knowledge from those who are pure I'm playing to be to your boy I know I need to do something else it is I'm gonna tell y'all right down I mean y'all will give me say let me tell y'all something about this woman here this the best mama in the world yeah you know like and ain't saying it cuz she's sitting right here so hold your thanks not baby listen it's the best mama in the world I'll be honest with you if I give her the right a parenting book when I tell you for one you're gonna be shocked and blown away let me tell you about my songs it's all they got a mama but they got two daddies and I'm gonna tell you something my sons ain't never had terrible tools my saws I think how terrible tools my son don't do no back-talking my son is my oldest son got straight A's no a minuses i'ma tell you yeah good woman he'll see know how to raise some kid you know how I likes ezel the dog whisperer it's right here the child wish mom tried say yeah so I'm gonna get the book out of them because this she's gonna raise some kids on my high seed or could you please finish the leading with love question you were saying it was hard for you could you go on about how you dealt with him thank you I cut all he did um yeah so it was difficult for me because I wasn't used to letting anyone leave so that actually was where we kind of butt heads the first years of marriage cuz we both were like you know used to being the boss and so he had to kind of chill out a little bit and I had to meet him in the middle you know um and I think as I felt like our marriage is a safe place I was able to let go a little bit of the reins a little by little and see that I could trust him with leading and trust him to take care of me and trust that it wasn't something that wasn't like come back at me or you know I never won someone to feel like I needed them so for him to lead me I feel like that was saying okay I need you and I had to get to a place where I trusted my heart with him and I realized okay no this person has good intentions and you know this is part of a godly marriage so it takes time it's something like okay you wake up and you feel like I know how to do this time and it just takes that person earning back from you and I'm gonna tell you leaving with love you know I had to learn this when marriage was kind of getting a little weak that too between two and three years and I mean when I first remember I did that calendar rubber feet on Monday yeah - dude she kicked her feet off for two weeks I would get mad with the Lord I'm like meh don't rubber feet on Monday I'm massaging Bank on Tuesday I'm writing a poem on Wednesday for nothing guilt for two weeks she done let me do it wait am I getting a meal or something but then when she reciprocated it blew me away it knocked my sauce off and I'm gonna tell you we was married by five or six years before she said to me baby can I get my nails done she never would asked me for nothing yeah she won't ask me for not there not leave with law is going viral right now I made that up now I'll be taking my credit dollar the question is for both of you Congrats on 13 years what are your tips for a long-term marriage you often hear horror stories of things like the 7-year itch fry your divorce and the routine marriage um getting used to look get it - what's your tips um keep it fresh so that's one thing like we continue dating each other we get dressed up we make an effort it's a thing like we make that time even if I'm exhausted I'll go to go drink a coffee to go on a date night so keep it fresh be open communicators and like respectful of each other do the little things that you know that will make that person happy so like feed into each other's love languages make that person your best friend you know so we spend time doing things for each other to compromise like he may want to be working all the time but he knows that I mean it means something to me to sit and watch Netflix or sit and talk about this beauty thing that came out that he probably could care nothing about and I don't maybe I want to talk about business 24/7 but I do so I think it's just like finding those middle things and also just having grapes like you'll have to nitpick after everything look what inflation what I do anyways um and then late have grace with each other so there there's like certain things that people will do that you could make a big deal and you can make it into an argument every time it happens it probably certain things that I do that we may argue we just don't argue we have discussions we talk about it but an argument is when you are yelling or you're upset about something it's like we don't let the other person feed it like get the attention from the behavour Sookie I can tell he's catching an attitude about something I actually ignore it and treat him as if nothing's happened so if I could see he's in his feelings I'm like okay we're you hungry do you want some food and I've done that I don't even see that because I'm redirecting that behavior I'm telling him like listen I don't care what you gotta add to you about it's nothing nothing nothing is serious so maybe we're telling I'm gonna see that attitude and guess what if no one's giving you attention for that attitude you look like a fool so I'm gonna add you by yourself so guess what I'm not good you end up being completely mine see right now that's what she learned from behavioral science yes so I used to be a behavior specialist so you know you have like stop redirect if someone's doing something or you have ignore redirect and reinforce so you ignore the negative behavior you redirect them to something positive and then you reinforce them when the behavior has become positive we all say yes well that's only the Christi god bless I bless you all for the blessings bless you my ex is gonna be doing residency the same hospitals meme I'm dreading seeing him how should I behave if I see him we broke up about eight months ago and he got a new girlfriend 5 months later so like I told the other person y'all so sad for you um yes you keep it simple so you don't want him to know that you're bothered or that you're dreading seeing him so if you go and ignore him he's gonna know like ok I still got her hey how you doing keep it moving hello keep it moving so he thinks wow she's like completely fine you just keep it simple keys he's any other doctor that works there so how are you treat any other resident you say hello keep it moving and that's it so he deserve no extra time but you don't let him know that it bothers you you fake it to make honey okay yeah woman got eyes water veins paddy god bless you I think I lied in fear and don't know how to come clean without emotionally mounting down question above similar wanted to ask him to go to redwoods California event praying for wisdom that's my opinon reward self law don't know how to come clean without emotional meltdown like what is it though what is he coming clean about she live in fear maybe she cheated mmm emotional no but if you okay so if it's not cheating something else if you lie didn't feel this on a good sign because someone shouldn't make you feel like you have to lie to like because you can't be honest with them you know like that Eliza she's I just do that I have a safe space right so I didn't feel comfortable telling him the truth about you into small things cuz he's always just get upset or something you know so you have to also figure out if that's the right person for you because if you feel fearful being honest and being truthful about something that may not even be a big deal then he may not be the right person for you need that give fines when a gives you that a safe space where you can be comfortable and know they're not gonna make you regret it all right y'all we got about five more minutes rinoa but Nora god bless you 90 lavender Queen Street you're still beautiful thank you classy and smart happier here I like some I'm like someone long-distance met back home last month he's been consistent with communication should I come cut him off if he doesn't make plans to see me after this 19 stuff um yeah I mean definitely continue talking until then longest relationships are tough because don't really know what's going on outside of you but I mean definitely good communication is good and yeah if he doesn't you guys don't make the effort it's each other especially if he's not trying to see you then it's probably not gonna work out he probably has you're right now it's kovin so you can't really tell like probably a lot of time to talk so I guess you probably see as the future progresses TT god bless has a full-time professional and mom is hard to remain consistent with my your son tips Cherie um you have to be consistent no matter what like it may be exhausting you may have to drink three cups of coffee to get through it did I tell y'all some she have thrown up like beautiful song I'm so tired she'll get migrant [ __ ] she throw up like she'll be she'll be running on E like literally three hours to sleep sometimes and she just fine away sometime you got to still look nap when you can plan your tomorrow's today right get your day planner she got a day planner got two of them two of why you got to be very intentional and because really that's bigger than anything like your job may fire you tomorrow but your kid is gonna be here forever and what you do right now is gonna shape their future so if you don't make the time now at their eyes therefore you're not gonna see them on their 13 they're gonna be a hot mess and you're gonna be calling somebody to come stop your child from doing whatever you know so you got to make that conscious effort now and figure out where you can fit time in for them and how you can be consistent no matter what actually god bless you how do you two feel about alcoholic beverages when dating is it a red flag with me and drink I didn't drink when we met you know and then when I got around her and her family they're kind of like more to wine yes learn about why is she drinking right I think definitely you don't view someone that's drinking too much because obviously that's like they got something else going on if they need alcohol is like a you know as like a clutch or something you know that was a crutch and they may need so I mean you want to kind of pay attention to that and see how often that behavior is married after high school Tina that ten years remarry we remarried and he cheated after three years I divorced him again he blames his relationships with God for failures how to break a soul tie with a man you were supposed to have one with that's you know that's tough um so you guys probably shouldn't have remarried but you did so you just have to understand now that it's like some God has nothing to do with it that's a choice that he made and you have to realize that he's just not a good person for you it's not gonna be easy because thirteen years is not a short amount of time so it's gonna take literally a date today thing or just self talk every single day and just remind yourself of the reason why you guys aren't together and it's not it's it's gonna take time just be patient with yourself thank you for that blessing he's got the purpose nurse Tony loved that woman look at how he looks at her my husband don't look at me how Tony look at his wife without all those hey MA no give a look behind the scenes but my love for you and how you be brushing me off um you know how I talk to you when we were on a house yeah he's Emerson he compliments you 24/7 even when you're like I know I look a hot mess you looking good yeah and see me I'll be looking at him ham cakes okay let's see a little bit of a help Kate hey and so I just hello nice oven and she real you know cool at home she not know twerkin tight team with the twerking scene with the she's just cool and calm and she made me work for her love yeah we probably five six years in a marriage you know yeah and I'm still was working I see other guy didn't wouldn't I start calling you a term of endearment like right babe uh-huh there Bablu was two years and felt like know probably three because yeah Bianca you guys are amazing blessing y'all y'all bless me and I've learned so much I'm an author because of you guys also bless you'll be off y'all go get Bianca book on Amazon Hey two more minutes y'all we're gonna take this last question from for15 god bless you my ex-fiancee moved on a week after break-up it left me super heartbroken and feeling worthless how do I move on from this terrible feeling it's a sucky feeling and there's no way to like move on to it completely but just be sure knowing that he was not the right person and if he moved on in the week after he probably was dating that person while y'all were together so just understand that you dodged a bullet and try to think of that remind yourself that better is coming and work on yourself during that time but it's not gonna be easy it's gonna hurt and that's okay deal with that hurt and realize what caused it and use that to grow yourself during that time hey thank you all so much y'all been here amazing retention rate and Tintin span y'all have people say tennis fan is seven minutes I really appreciate please make sure if it's affordable I know it's tough time so we tried to push the release back but then they felt like hey maybe this will give people something to do take their mind off of stuff please order the book a woman's influence oh I might say a woman's word Wang is work who is that right ruby god bless you thank you god bless you hey now which I want to see her own he'll want someone somebody said make this a monthly thing so we're gonna try to do this at least once a month I get on my people to talk to her people and we'll try to figure out her appearance because she's gonna be charging me you come over here but she really has focus you know in managing the household and our businesses she run everything so when y'all send him emails him understand she watching knows why she see don't be rude and see the exact she's executive on you know figuring stuff out right and I gotta bounce stuff off of her so she she has a lot that she does and this this all I do you know cuz she manage stuff I know some people are you out the help oh you posed to be help and I try to help but get out the way I don't want you watching the dishes I don't know how to do it properly you know I don't want you folding me clothes yeah I'm slightly type of a mat like things done a certain way and she typed capitulate yeah be nice yeah nah nah y'all blessed us a lot tonight okay we asked y'all to do that okay lean pad no played around so I wonder we can read negotiate how we gonna you know if I still got to keep Meru don't you people have already commented said don't renege that it's for me so what you gonna do with it you know I had that kind of blessing thank y'all thank y'all see they said no say thank you thank you thank y'all shoes phone thanks see you they look let's go this right here keep your word that's for sure read all for Sheree uh-huh yeah thank you wow this is a question I don't see the more blessing than you know I've left my husband it's been almost two years I'm not doing up until you realized some steaks I don't want to be over but I'm a point where I'll just be with God the thing is you're waiting for something that may not happen like he may not realize his mistakes and he may not want to grow in that way you have to be okay with that because you're kind of keeping yourself stationary for someone that's not caring to move forward with you hey god bless y'all thank you all so much she made an hour and a half I'm shocked y'all know I always do ninety minutes ain't no she was going out of energy but I got a copy okay she bark I look down said hey god bless y'all we'll talk soon bye

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 228,695

Rating: 4.9440517 out of 5

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Id: dHOd7Tysqs8

Length: 91min 47sec (5507 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 07 2020