r/Technicallythetruth | memes that make you breathe

hey sodium bromate wanna hang this weekend nah bro science jokes perfection [Music] what's up sexy i'm lexi and welcome back to mk we have gathered here today to sample the variable smorgasbord of smart alec comments known as r technically the truth but first you know we gotta steal a cookie of fan art from the cookie jar of the subreddit and today's fan art is brought to us by lazy shadow king i really don't know if this is actually fan art but okay that is totally fan art and it's a rainbow i double approve y'all sell yourselves short but you guys make some awesome stuff thank you so much lazy shadow king and now the subreddit that makes you say well they're not wrong relationship goals or are they goals in a relationship these are the important questions we're going to ask here today ducks are just waterproof chickens and if we take that one step further swans are waterproof turkeys i'd also accept the argument that flamingos are waterproof ostriches but uh that one might be a little too much of a stretch fun fact spiders are the only web designers that enjoy finding bugs hey if you get a website designer a bowl of skittles and tell them one skittle per bug i'm pretty sure that'll change alice places a prepared slide under her microscope but when she looks into it she can't see anything suggest one reason why not oh she is blind excuse me if she was blind she would have tapped the microscope with her cane i'm legally blind i get to make that joke stop saying she's my wife that's sexist af period hello everyone meet lorraine she's the woman i fracked on the night of my wedding seriously i i'm genuinely curious what the leap of logic was there i'm trans and married and the lexi wife calls me wife all the time i don't see a problem with this what is gay and straight at the same time bisexuals freaking show-offs that think they're so talented what was the biggest karen you have ever encountered her name was karen and she was five foot seven r technically the truth roll credits you came out of a vajayjay c-section for the win you were never born then just removed ouch happy removal day tumor baby i'm using tumor baby every single opportunity i get from here on out to the guy who invented the number zero thanks for nothing just like the people that invented the golden ratio and pie my math class was neither delicious nor sparkly i want a refund when you get right down to it a thermonuclear detonation is just a hot mess ah the warmth of the end of 2020 probably i don't know wouldn't surprise me at this point post punk is a style i can get behind i like this this is really freaking cool which biomes stop squid from spawning nether i don't know enough about minecraft for this but i assume that nothing spawns in the nether my wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him went out had a few drinks nice guy he's a web designer no no i didn't come here for dad jokes take that right back to where you found it skyrim is without a doubt one of the games ever made i did do that like four times to not say greatest games ever made what made you lose faith in humanity ah humans me too buddy me too with great power comes great electricity bill yeah we're not gonna talk about the amount of air conditioning i've had to run this summer yeah atheists if god isn't real how do you explain walking on water can you walk on water like jesus yes show me a video of you walking on water i don't need to you just need to have faith that i did anonymous pixelated facebook user has a point and uh might be a water walker cool frack oh my god what happened i put tape on my fingers i wanted to be a dinosaur some earrings i ordered on aliexpress never arrived and they asked for photo evidence oh my god i wish this happened to me i would so do this from every single angle you see my hand it should contain earrings it does not and that is the problem hi do you accept children under the age of two at the festival nope just credit card or cash thanks what is the going rate on child for music show tickets if we were speaking uh um hypothetically because like when shows open back up i wouldn't mind seeing muse or wolfmother you know i just want to get a good eyeball and how many children i might need to pay for that me doing a push-up my arms i raised that boy if you don't watch a series entirely you are not a true fan if you do watch a series entirely you are not a true fan you are only a true fan if you are powered by electricity have multiple flat blades and spin around really fast this one goes out to anyone whose gatekeeped anything ever boys who don't flirt with every girl need to be protected done [Laughter] coding jokes i i can appreciate this i volunteered to help blind children today that's a verb not an adjective by the way i bet those kids never saw it coming wait pianoman 69 were you the one who killed my optic nerves oh my goodness we have so much to talk about just hold still maybe there's someone faster than usain bolt but they just hate running bolt hates running that's why he gets it done so quick yeah honestly of all the running sports the dash was the only one that appealed to me at all running a mile just seemed like pure pain if scooby-doo is a talking dog scoob is the only supernatural creature the gang has found i worry about you sometimes candace honestly something i would have said as a child too they think your haircuts are un-american well it was very observant of them because we aren't american actually we won the war against coronavirus the same way we won the war against vietnam it got too expensive so we pretended that it was over mission accomplished if 13 year old you met current you what would they think of themselves now he'd be impressed with my time machine i'm sure there's one 13 year old out there that's like yeah time machine real cool if we can just get through this month we only have one more month to go before we need to get through another month before we only go through and oh god it just keeps going teacher you can't breathe underwater me challenge accepted step-by-step guide on how to fall down stairs step one step two step four step seven step twelve step eighteen step 25 hospital um uh you skipped a few steps chapter 10 can we travel faster than light no how come water doesn't evaporate out of water bottles but water on my kitchen floor dries within a day thank you um bottles have lids um my house has a roof is your house airtight now i'm worried yeah sex is cool but liquid nitrogen at negative 321 degrees fahrenheit is much cooler shut up twain when a deaf person wins an auction i've won but at what cost i do not have the proper credentials to make jokes on this so uh we're just gonna move right along okay okay the cameraman in the flash is just as fast as flash i don't want to give you my upvote but i will honestly that's even more impressive because the camera operator is just running backwards really really fast with a steadicam and everything bell delphine or something i don't know i'm not a simp as far as i know this is probably accurate i have no idea i get my bath water from a spigot ohio veteran 37 who went viral for refusing to wear a mask died of covet 19. oh he went viral alright i can't come to work today my dog is sick how sick extremely sick the desire to train my dog to ride a skateboard increases every day give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day teach a man to embrace the paradoxes of quantum mechanics and he'll give himself the same fish over and over again in an eternal loop of temporal torment good lord i was not ready for the end of that sentence but imagine an infinite bag of swedish fish how to make your computer run faster step one gotta go fast step two watch as sonic is shredded by the cpu cooler step three buy a faster computer frozen two official trailer huh looks legit to me they must be doing some sort of like trader welding thing with it i don't know uh what rhymes with orange no it doesn't sometimes my genius it's almost frightening you discover that you have the ability to go invisible the catch is you can only do it while holding your breath what is the first thing you do oh my breath can you imagine just being in a really empty room and then you just hear and alexi just appears out of thin air that's a great way to give somebody a heart attack black widow should be dropped on disney plus immediately if you want to see black widow drop on disney plus jump to 1 52 50 in avengers endgame i did not come here to be punched in the feelings the four keys to success s u c and e i really want to see a custom tiny keyboard with these four keys on it and one guy whose entire job is just to type success on it over and over and over again some entrepreneur comes along i have the keys to success thanks bob a high five has 50 less bacteria than a handshake a fist bump has 90 less bacteria than a handshake but if you sweep the leg you get 100 less bacteria than a handshake help fight the spread of covet and sweep the leg as a greeting honestly a world in which martial arts were greetings i i would totally sign up for i die but i'd totally sign up for it a vaccine for coronavirus is coming don't get vaccinated the vaccine will contain the virus yes that's what vaccinating means i swear if we have a third wave for people that won't vaccinate their crotch goblins i am going to sweep so many people's legs as a greeting of course a deadly mosquito-borne virus that causes brain swelling in humans has been detected in florida yeah this is big brain time honestly that would explain so much about florida man hey i'm from florida too wait cutlery stablery scooplery my next fancy dinner party is going to be spent seeing how many people i can convince that this is an actual thing i hate anti-masters they make me sick i wonder how i would look with a six-pack looking pretty sharp there dude nice three words eight letters say it and i'm yours three words eight letters smart alec signed fell oh so it did if i put it back up will it say sign rose can you tweak of the picture of the critter card for me x6 oh sure here you go no you don't understand you i need to see the front so that i can steal the numbers i work at mcdonald's i have a part-time job in fast food i handle transactions for a multi-billion dollar company and industry on a daily basis and help provide around two billion dollars to the us economy each year what you have here are the three levels of resume padding and also the three levels of people you're trying to impress on tinder i just want this as a sticker to stick on my keyboard i might actually make this this is great frank's small arms dealer wait these guns are big welcome i'm frank the idea of a t-rex with a sniper rifle is somehow both adorable and horrifying did you know scuba divers roll backwards out of boats because if they rolled forward they would just go into the boat oh so that's what i was doing wrong on that trip no wonder i had such a headache i follow a psychic subreddit only for the entertaining stories people post one person was 100 convinced that they bought a haunted car because they got into three car accidents in the first month of owning it maybe they're just a bad driver but no dozens of people came forward to give them advice on cleansing the spirits from their car in fairness consuming spirits in the car can definitely lead to accidents i don't know how we got from cleansing to consuming but uh this is gonna get real interesting 2019 avoid negative people 2020 avoid positive people honestly anybody who still has a positive outlook in 2020 i'll have whatever you're having hey look an alien this is my planet so you're the freaking alien here it's quick it's easy and it's free pouring river water in your socks why would i do that it's quick it's easy and it's free this has been reposted like too many times already reposting is quick easy and free you son of a britch i'm in without using numbers how old are you oh my god okay a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year and a year boom first try yes i'm too lazy to count them how much is this at least three actually it's 33 and yes i am that dedicated to the cause graham could you define chair for me in a way that includes all things which are chairs and excludes all things which aren't a separate seat for one person typically with a back and forth legs happy to help but try google next time the definition of woman is there too chair welp it satisfies all the requirements oh is this that anti-trans bastard oh god yeah no none of that we ain't got time for that kind of garbage here the flash would go faster on a bicycle than a motorcycle this is true if the bicycle could actually hold up many modern things have their origins in the middle ages for instance this terrifying plank thing which was used as a torture device became the ice cream sandwich i'm gonna make it to the top of this mountain to meet the wise old man wise man tell me the secrets of the universe 50 of canada is the letter a oh god i don't care how much i have to pay for boneless watermelon it's worth it and this my friends is the power of marketing cause you wouldn't want a non-boneless watermelon would you uh actually yes i would ah jesus the comment section got into my studio again 3 times 4 is 12. um actually that is the factorial of 12 so if we do all this unnecessarily complicated math we get uh 12 yes 12 it is total 12. morgan ploy cremated by mistake while taking a nap oh my god that's terrible that can't be a real story i guess two people got fired that day i didn't come here for dad jokes what's upstairs unfortunately the stairs don't talk but we can talk to the sellers about a concession since you wanted talking stairs you are what you eat so cannibals are the only real humans well yes but actually no ten words i can spell right are ten words i can spell right are octopus seven two three out of ten see me after class why are you booing me i'm right i want to know how octopus got in there from r next fracking level made this when i was 11 and i don't really remember how uh um i can help you there it's probably with your hands i wish nothing changes it is done nothing's changed correct ah well uh something changed if you think about it he now has two wishes instead of three i'll only buy you a new game if you get an a on one of your tests hmm c d b minus aha i got an a plus on my blood type test oh the kid looks so happy good job kid keep going if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points this is me watching any sport ever went to restaurant with wife waiter hey we love you guys and wanted to get you a dessert what would you like we pick check comes got charged for dessert me hey uh sorry it looks like you charged us for that cake waiter uh yes you ordered it me but but what waiter we wanted you to that is some freaking scumbaggery oh my god oh a cute photo of them in 1963 and now in 2014. that's adorable this is fake they clearly haven't been sat on that rock for 50 years if you look closely you can clearly see her swimsuit is different than the second photo it has stripes on it and the guy's shorts seem to have a more floral pattern in the latter photo also if someone sat on a rock for 50 years it would have made the news my theory is they simply returned to the same location 50 years later and recreated the original photo good lord i bet you're fun at parties i'm fully aware this is a joke but i'm still gonna make fun of it satanists don't believe in a literal satan then what do you call people who believe in a literal satan the church of satan responds christians from out of context pixar oh my goodness a shoulder wow are we going back to the 20s where shoulders turned people on well it is the 20s watch hamilton with a critical eye there are some major historical inaccuracies many of these large musical numbers never happened freaking entertainment industry spreading lies about our american history top 10 best photo bombs oh oh no oh no no no that is awful this pen is amazing it writes underwater it writes other words too they had us in the first half not gonna lie i'm a skateboard fan yes you are you're such a good little skateboard fan yes you are the best little safety hazard i've ever seen you haven't lived if you haven't done this i feel alive a really really really zoomed out picture of me man you're looking sharp in that photo i love this exam write a 200 word essay me olive oil composed of refined olive oils and virgin olive oils oil comprising exclusively of olive oils that have undergone refining and oils obtained directly from olives oh my god what is up with the post today this is a time machine quick destroy it before somebody does something dumb with it if you can read be very upset if those kids could read they'd be very upset this was the logical finality of this meme and it is beautiful and this meme is now done my wife's calculator wasn't working due to lack of light so i told her to use her phone this was not what i was expecting we all know one person like this i said no used to use the calculator on your phone a stoned wall with a twist that is actually really cool i love that design that is so neat uranus has a diameter of more than 50 000 kilometers that's more than a mile oh thanks i didn't know that due to my dumb imperial measurement system also you uh you might want to see a doctor about that and that brings us to the end of our slash technically the truth also known as the smart alex showcase if you laughed cried burped sneezed coughed or just smiled during this video go ahead and hit that like button and if you want to force lexi to read even more long-winded posts go ahead and hit that subscribe button and don't forget to beat the crap out of the bell it probably deserved it my name is the lexi kitty but you all can call me lexi have an absolutely victorious day tomorrow stay safe stay awesome make more stuff and i will see you guys in the next video

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,291,474

Rating: 4.9187522 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/technicallythetruth, r/technicallythetruth emkay, technicallythetruth, technicallythetruth emkay, reddit truth, truth, reddit puns, dad jokes, puns, emkay technicallythetruth

Id: GhL1K3lFKYI

Length: 18min 53sec (1133 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 05 2020