r/Technicallythetruth | DAMIEN STRIKES BACK???

bullets only do their jobs after they're fired sit on that take that home that's for you to enjoy [Music] what's going on guys and welcome back to mk my name is damian and today we're looking through r slash technically the truth this is another little guest spot on the mk channel where to be a guest on this channel after so long huh but hey if you want to hear more of me you can find me on the new channel daily now let's see what may technically be the truth before and after in only two weeks robert lost two weeks nobody gained so much more respect live your truth robert a scammer made over five hundred thousand dollars selling 5g repellent lotion online wow i mean that's a hustle i can't even i'm not upset at that that's a full hustle the guy that sells anti-5g lotion is not lying when he says that if he uses lotion you won't be harmed by 5g i'm not sure if it's correlation but hey just just putting it out there hey what's a fun little fact about yourself i turned 11 on 11 11 11. uh edit that's 11 11 11 for non-americans thank you [Laughter] write something special about africa in africa 100 of birth circles by pregnancy and also in africa the day before the current day was yesterday and now you know well vaccines cause more people having autism because vaccines mean more people and more people means more autism i think we should hire this guy seems like he's onto something don't know what but he's onto something where am i you're at the vet you've been neutered what you bastard i'm gonna kill you ah you don't have the balls [Laughter] that is the vet laughing betty white was born in 1922. sliced bread was invented in 1928. wait really what what was a sandwich before 1928 just two whole loaves of bread i mean it's not too different from the diet nowadays huh therefore sliced bread is the greatest thing since betty white i wanna you i wanna see a sandwich in 1927's [Laughter] someone show me what that looked like it's two whole loaves of bread i'm never i'm never looking at a sandwich the same way again i want to have a traditional sandwich two loaves hey what can i do to get healthier doctor oh you could use a bicycle and cut the carbs well don't mind if i do i knew this was a good purchase amazon came through stay close to your roots well um gal gadot those are branches not really roots maybe um you know i'll i'll i'll go ahead and let your pr team forget that one out warrior i swear i'll have my revenge for the death of my brother you have my bow and my ex and your brother hey what well i guess it doesn't need revenge anymore thanks necromancer what a nice necromancer pregnant women are bodybuilders change my mind oh wait you can't move along oh that one made my fist clinch a little bit this is just marginally funny this is like something my stepdad would post on facebook that made me so angry i hated that joke is that butter not stonehenge i can't believe it's not butter sticks of lard dude natural light one less calorie and better at spelling just thought i'd let you know i mean the facts are there 95 calories versus 96 calories and they're a spelling champion i'm a cracker but a natural light if life is a video game the graphics are great but the plot is confusing the tutorial is way too long says the guy playing with the cheat codes enabled elon geez sounds easy when you're on top huh big guy oh well here's the different kinds of cones cake cone the sugar cone the waffle cone ooh 76 cents and the pine cone if you get your ice cream with a pine cone you're banned from the store that's just the rules of the establishment see that notebook there contains a list every maniac who's ordered a pinecone double chocolate scoop what would be the coolest way to die hypothermia come here a little smartass what do you think you're funny you you get to i mean he's right it is hypothermia it would be the coolest death but what would be the coolest death like evil knievel cool still hypothermia oh look it's my cry corner there's the wall the wall on the floor now don't mind me i'll be there for the next 30 minutes original image cropped image well wouldn't that be harvested i don't think that's right i take i have contention with this post i don't think you would call it cropped no this isn't this doesn't count this does not count no i don't like this one i've got good news and bad news the bad news is 41 kids tragically died in the fire the good news is it was an orphanage so i have no parents notified man can i get any darker yeah if you turn your screen brightness down that'll help bit it goes down pretty far you can also turn on night mode but i think you got that one figured out man found dead in cemetery well which one [Laughter] there's lots of them whew it must be 90 degrees outside oh looks like it it's this way you guys watch doctor strange someone living in the dr strange mind bendy world this is what they were seeing when they look outside out of there no bedroom no bathroom flat new york sesame street is my favorite show about a group of immortal puppets who watch the humans around them slowly age and die it's great for the kids black widows should be dropped on disney plus immediately if you want to see black widow drop on disney plus jump to 1 hour 52 minutes 50 seconds at avengers end game thank me later uh his graveyard looked overcrowded must be dying to get in ah the crowd just like yeah that's how it works [Laughter] and then the team rex just thank you for telling me how it works professor you can't write an essay overnight exam you have one hour to write this essay okay whatever you say i mean most of the time the exams don't take place at night so they got you there hi james i need your help oh i love james fridman i lied to my friends that i visited paris can you photoshop me in front of the eiffel tower thank you very much voila careful what you ask for that's an eiffel tower i told my six-year-old his shoes were on the wrong feet and after a very long pause he said i don't have any other feet he doesn't yeah he's absolutely right there so your kid's weird no your kid is correct reward your kid yum some pizza rules combo pizza strolls too not the cheesecraft combo or bust man one time i saw a comment on a sewing website that had posted a dress pattern for a two-year-old with a comment was asking for help resizing it to fit a one-year-old and a year later the website owner responded with a sorry for the late reply it should fit now and if i haven't seen something so good because now he is absolutely correct you can't take it can't take it back no take backs photo without flash and a photo with flash and that looks right to me name one popular queen uh freddie mercury he was the most popular a plus oh fundy what's this furry man have to say if we remove all laws crime rate would technically be zero percent that sounds like a techno blade tweet honestly i'm not gonna lie if there was one man for removing all laws it wouldn't be the pig but hey i'll take where i can get he is right he has a point not a very sharp one but a point i've never seen a ghost before um that's because they're invisible oh i see no you don't yeah no remember they're invisible i thought we established this water is heavier than butane because butane is a lighter fluid more jokes like this found right here at the indian hills community center just if you want to come back next week we have a guy rotating the sign around for a new joke for more classic knee slappers and gut busters that are technically correct help a thief yay why weren't you arresting him commas lady i could see the text right above your head now we both made off with your purse and i'm the getaway vehicle technically i'm a criminal now but hey ain't that the truth could i request a picture edit please could the phone be removed in his hand be holding me instead thanks [Laughter] is this what you meant grab better with something fierce before you post think is this true is it helpful is it inspiring is it necessary is it kind those all start with i this sucks this is stupid he's right you know you should you you clearly didn't think before you posted well those start with ivan a kidnapping in progress indeed it is don't wake him up he'll be really crankyly cranky as hell it's a kidnapping why can't we eat lava what the hell oh you can't eat lava actually but only once i've moved my microphone even lower i wonder how this will uh sonically feel hope i feel closer to you now dog licked a baby's head i saw it the baby was bald uh how how exactly was this a shower thought i remembered it in the shower [Laughter] he remembered in the shower that does classify it as a shower thought just because you have high standards you stickler when a parent tells me that their kid is an angel so is lucifer he's just saying watch out today i learned the great smog of london in 1952 was so bad that pedestrians couldn't even see their feet some of the four thousand who died in the five days at last and didn't suffer lung problems they fell into the fames and drowned because they could not see the river so hear me out is it drowning still a lung problem technically but i give you a lung problem for that don't no don't make me think that i want to talk about lung problems please wear a mask do you know who i am yeah because you're not wearing a mask so please put it brush brush the mask put it on i don't want to have to kick you out you made some really cool movies just please pause it okay all right you know what i i i oh bruce you couldn't have just worn the mask you wouldn't have been on the news you were living you occupy space you have a mass you matter no i know that i know i am i matter a lot al albert cheese is just a loaf of milk i'll let you sit on that for a while but that's a fact i'm home i missed you so much then just i missed you too can i have it back oh this is shaggy so like when you ask for someone's name you're essentially asking them what noise you should make to get their attention i was a bad shaggy what shaggy's like i like scoob i haven't done it in so long oh man let's try that one more time i'll just do it normally if that shaggy sounded good keep it but i don't know about it when you ask for someone's name you're essentially asking them what noises made to get their attention and for this guys like dude i'm sucked i know shaggy hey what rhymes with orange no it doesn't damn love him or hate him he's spitting facts owning a camera doesn't make you a paragraph just how it is what are you gonna do i love that got three thousand likes and over twenty three thousand shares since twenty three thousand people go hey look at this stupid stupid post what's a paragraph baby boy born without penis an extremely rare case the exact same thing happened with my sister so you know i thought i'd throw my hat in the ring and tell you it's not that rare you know what i'm done with dating sites i'm now focusing on pizza delivery guys because at least i know they have a job a car and a pizza okay and that's honestly all i'm asking for stability availability hey what did i say what did i say about indian hills [Laughter] yeah plagiarism getting in children for something you didn't do indian hills round of applause oh i love them you can't buy hot pockets you can only buy cold pockets you are expected to supply the heat yourself don't believe the lies you really should be branded as cold pockets okay this propaganda this hot pocket propaganda this hot propaganda i'm not buying one farquaad is well four foot six 95 pounds and his blood type is red so is mine i have inquired as to why snes titles aren't available for the 3ds and nintendo only sent me this image in response well that does make sense thank you nintendo the people behind me can't see i am an [ __ ] ah you are but you know what it's okay because you're a funny mascot whoa hold on look at the lady in the gray sweater right next to the the word me her nose has a curvature did she get hit in the what happened oh my god it's like her it's like it's like the dude in blue smells real bad her nose is just turned away from it it's ridiculous hey uh former flat earthers what made you come around well you know that's the mobius strip earthers that had more compelling arguments no no no no no no there would be no need for arguments it's wrong on the same side and that got 39 awards as it should have that's a fantastic mobius strip joke hey nice try people named tristan or should i say stand stand stand figured it out crack the cone five stars i am the author and i think i did a pretty good job buy my book the you starter pack as tall as your height prefer to eat foods you like rather than those you dislike oh that's a good one born at least once yes i'm glad i got that in my starter pack enjoy your interests get out of town this is the best you starter pack i've gotten stingrays are such beautiful elegant sea creatures check it out oh no it tickles me more the car in the water the the dad walking by pretending nothing happened this is his car daddy why is that book so thick it's a long story yeah i like blacksmithing but i'm not married to it best with sword hey you know what that sword's gonna do a lot of damage one day maybe that sword may even cut a boat in half i don't know it'll do a lot of damage remember folks fit bits are just modern day tamagotchis except the stupid animal you're trying to keep healthy is you thanks he-man just [Laughter] thanks man what's your greatest weakness honesty i don't think that honesty is a weakness now i'll give a damn what you think he covers his mouth i said it was a weakness i'm sorry god damn it you're hired this new umbrella creates a forced field of air to protect you from the rain that's cool i like that a lot i want one like all jokes aside that is really cool the person next to them hey man cool umbrella um mind using it a little further away from me for my third wish i wish you forgot you ever met me it's done nothing's changed greetings i am the genie of the lamb i shall grant you three wishes unlimited wishes nice job guy that's a way to cry i never thought about that to crack the genie code our baby saying his first word woof woof woof woof woof woof woof ah he knows all the words what about r for bark clearly he doesn't know all of them yet give him some time write 80 to 100 words 80 to 100 words you know what a plus just for that gag alone a plus a book on how to make money work yeah you got me there and that's going to conclude our time here for technically the truth and i hope you guys enjoyed if you did be sure to leave a like and subscribe for more videos just like this one and hey if you want to hear more of me go ahead and subscribe to us at our new channel daily and until next time i'll be seeing you

Channel: EmKay

Views: 713,347

Rating: 4.9714746 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/technicallythetruth, r/technicallythetruth emkay, technicallythetruth, technicallythetruth emkay, reddit truth, truth, reddit puns, dad jokes, puns, emkay technicallythetruth

Id: CnPfkr5_gYg

Length: 16min 51sec (1011 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 14 2021