r/Comedycemetery | this is EPIC!!

it's comedy Cemetery no jokes to be found here officer what's up guys and welcome back to mi name is Damian and today we're going through our slash comedy cemetery 20% and battery let me just charge it okay two hours later let's see wait two percent battery it wasn't plugged in all the way far animal problems equals relatable humor I love that it's five stars five stars of the five I love that relatable comedy recipes from heaven all visit us and there the link for those that don't want alexa listening in on your conversations they're making a male version it doesn't listen to anything I mean seriously not a recipe Hey look an alien hey this is my planet so you are a freaking alien here it's right it's right English it's amazing oh god I know I messed up this word before I've seen people tommays at curva is it curva I think it's curva kirbeh kirbeh English it's amazing polish ogre bah I don't I don't speak Polish I don't know man but it's just that word repeated over and over again it's showing it's a multi-purpose word and they can respect that we call them Avengers area 51 calmy and area 51 here I come telepathic communication with aliens is my specialty I'm in bruss area 51 get ready can you guess what the rock it's not guessed can you smell what The Rock is cooking this meme ruined this meme is ruined it's not guess what The Rock is cooking smell what The Rock is cooking babe I'm really worried just heard the news some idiots driving the wrong way down the freeway is even worse than that there's hundreds of them no I get it cuz he's that he's the bro he's the bro driving down the rocks like these dreams that he fit perfectly in between the lanes too I love that he's got one compact car huh it's an old man just selling some fruit and look at that young lady comes up and he puts the oranges in a shirt he goes look I look like you now the young lady comes up you put some melons in the shirt he goes look I look just like you older lady comes let me gots bananas he goes look I look just like you this girl's taking off his pants he's like no wait wait she takes it off discover it's a basketball he's like geez I didn't want you to find out this way and she's like Shh take a look at this and real says she's got a hoop under her skirt he's like and we realized that ball is life I need to use the bathroom Batman what's a room in which battle did Napoleon died his last one where was the Declaration of Independence signed at the bottom of the page the Ravi River flows in which state liquid state smartass what is the main reason for divorce marriage he got an F on the test but nay plus for creativity mmm someone give that kid a metal our bros want beef I'm more of a seafood guy myself that Patrick Starr is Rick Ross you believe in ghosts no our maid said ghosts exist oh we don't have a maid meet me out in the car right now why we don't have a son wait I'm not married so are they all ghosts I don't get there's a lot of conflicting storylines here there's no one strict joke this is Bob bob has no arms knock knock who is it it isn't Bob it's never Bob hey dude what's your name bond James Bond and yours Ken chick Ken the boss pushes them forward the leader pushes with them the leader of real life and anyone born after 1992 they're chillin out there having a good time this man's wife wouldn't let me go with his friends then he does this four guys have be going on the same fishing trip for many years a few days before the group's annual departure date John's wife puts her foot down and tells them he isn't going John's fishing buddies are very upset that he can't go but what can they do two days later the three get to the camping site to find John sitting there with his tent set up firewood gathered and dinner cooking on the fire drinking a cold beer hey I could John how long you been here how'd you talk your missus into letting you go well I've been here since last night yesterday evening and I was sitting in my recliner wasn't my wife came up behind me put her hands over my eyes and said guess who I Bowl our hands off and there she was wearing a ninety she took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom where she lit candles I put the rose petals all over the place well she's been reading Fifty Shades of Grey on the bed she had handcuffs and ropes she told me to tie her up and come to the bed so I did and then she said do whatever you want so boys Here I am she doesn't have a phone does she now she's been left there I have a feeling I'll be a boy you won't be nothing we're in the throat boyfriend and girlfriend are sitting in their apartment the boy is playing on a game console why do you look so sad the girl says nothing the boy turns off his console why did you stop playing because there's something much better than my console the girl blushes and then the boy turns on his PC get it PC master-race love it my bros got some sugar on the spoon sprinkled it on his pillow bro what do you sprinkle your pillow is sugar that has sweet dreams bro when the fine is more than the cost of the tire how'd you get home idiot did you tow it this is a dumb one clearly there's worse implications here I've cheated on you same April 1st June 22nd ohh 100 he was just trying to pull a joke and she was genuinely unfaithful look the Chinese government on my cellphone donald has six letters trump has five letters 5 times 6 is 30 30 squared is 900 Donald Trump has 11 lettuce 900 plus 11 is 911 Trump did 911 confirmed and just like that the Illuminati sends him a message and goes don't frickin move a founder of match.com Gary Kremen lost his girlfriend to a man she met on match.com not stocks seems like the old switcheroo nee I'm a country girl because no one not a single soul woman it's because I'm a country gal say Dada mama no data mama da frick frick see what Frank honey I'm home brick oh my god who taught you that word da da parenting life lesson these aren't funny I I I had to add my own flavor into these out of necessity because these just aren't silly adults that's the name of the subreddits comedy cemetery no jokes to be found here officer our daughter lost her first tooth I know she won't touch my play station again what thanks thunder for playing of the mom in that situation the devil whispered to me I'm coming for you I was but back bring tacos this man makes coffins so one day he was about to do a delivery when his vehicle broke down so he didn't want to be late so he decided to put the coffin on his head and walk a police stopped him and asked him what he was doing and where he was going he turned to the police and said oh like where I was buried some relocating the police fainted that's right all of them doctor I have a problem of forgetting something when in 3 seconds when the problems start which problem doctor mama I'm nervous to go to a human school how don't worry gob Lena just try to act like a human oh why hello there maggot it rhymes an elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran away I asked if she was okay and she smiled and said that it was really no big deal because she carried her old purse to put her dog's poop in until she gets home to dispose of it 200 IQ honey my stomach is getting bigger I think I'm pregnant yeah and I know who the daddies are who McDonald's Domino's KFC and subway it's epic serenity daddy why is this body so little me baby that's his time I can never undo this now that's right I did it and I can't undo it after facebook after Angry Birds after Temple run after fruit ninja after pub ji hello sir did you screw my girlfriend yesterday no sorry I only speak minecraft enchanting table lmao yeah minecraft 100 some like a block that's so funny wait you liked it we didn't upload it she's she should not be here homosexuals are gay heterosexuals are straight dogs are animals books or reading materials violets are flowers computers or electronic watches tell time waters a drink women are female men their male children are young oxygen is h2o h2o is water idiot I want a Barbie and a GI Joe for my birthday doesn't Bobby come with Ken no she comes with GI Joe she fakes it with Ken Oh okay all right I see what you're going for here I see you jokes will you go out with me no what was my question will you go out with me you just say will I'm a smooth operator police come here fast yeah what is it many people died here god damn where are you in the cemetery I'm in jail now is totally worth it dad dad what I have a crush on my grandma I want to marry her marry grandma but she's my mother well you married my mom well you married my mom - why can't I marry your mom kid as a point no he doesn't he has no point I hate you I don't care I hate you I don't care you're stupid I don't care you're ugly I don't care Harlem shake sucks say it again bruh and I'm gonna kill you so that's what that's what crosses the line the Harlem shake I hate it when mom says get up it's already morning the Sun is out so what am I supposed to do photosynthesis yes you saw spongebob do it you do it too son dear Justin Bieber haters please respect him I owe my life to Justin last August 16th 2014 I was in a coma for four months due to a terrible car accident one day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song so I got up and I turned the radio off honey Chelsea scored a goal great who scored Samsung I'll watch football so I don't get the joke I get that the Samsung is the sponsor but I don't know the only experience I have with with with you know English footballer football for the rest of the world rather is I watched couple friends play fifa and that was about it hit like when you notice you idiot that's juvenile I like that that's cute important be careful not to hurt a villager because the iron golem will smack you into the next biome wall Steve hits villager iron golem not Steve into the next update look at the bug fixes Steve's attitude is one of them at least invite me out to dinner oh I'll go out with married women sorry well I'm your wife I make no exceptions he's a gentleman I golf with a hilarious 78 year old man and he was dishing out life tips the whole time the most DGAF I I've ever met he tells me after the round don't talk to me in the parking lot my wife is picking me up and she thinks I went deaf five years ago well legend mom tell me a joke huh no you don't understand human jokes oh sure because humans are so smart and dogs are dumb knock-knock oh my god someone's at the door be right back what's up virgin not anymore just ask your sister I don't even have a sister idiot just wait nine months put the funny screamy the super hot fire reaction these are so bad I have no commentary for this cuz they're just terrible there's there's nothing that I can add that would make this funny comedy cemetary is the mass grave for bad jokes unmarked mass graves did you hear McDonald kill Burger King in front of Popeyes over that bra Wendy the funeral is at KFC you going I'm taking the subway Oh bro never kiss a lady police she'll say hands up right bro bro never kiss a lady doctor she'll say next please again right bro but always kiss a lady teacher bro why bro cuz she will say repeat it five times genius bro a couple of bros hanging out nothing wrong with that why do I have this knife and where did this bag of money come from and why is there blood on me oh wait I did another robbery in my sleep didn't I classic I'm going to jail laundry day I should probably do my laundry right now hmm my mommy's at home it's that right it's that correct you claim you ride the gym during the murder that's right yeah you didn't post about it on Facebook Wow guilty is he guilty though man bought his girl flowers so she goes oh so I guess now I have to spread my legs wait you're that easy that's the real question here all it takes is a bouquet of flowers why don't you have a vase no no you're missing the point here guy you've bought her some daffodils and she's already she's she's ready to go you did it dashing through the halls failed my test yesterday don't know where to go with my life today jingle bells taken else hit me with a sleigh I'm so done this isn't fun there goes my GPA that's cute that was planned that was cute you should watch what you eat Oh idgaf ooh ice cream McDonald's take my money you have one month left oh where did I go wrong values give me the MCEs how long did you work during your last job 30 years what's your age 20 years you're 20 and have 30 years experience how's that possible over time a man asked his wife what would you do if I won the lottery she replied I take half and leave you great he said I won twelve dollars here's six stand touch after research has found that women who jogged without a bra get longer breasts some men asserted running without underwear it will not have the same effect and that brings us to the end of our slash comedy cemetery and I know it sucks to see it go but it hurts me more than it hurts you if you liked the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from MK and as always I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 2,226,938

Rating: 4.9272552 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/comedycemetery, r/comedycemetery best posts, r/comedycemetery top posts, comedycemetery, comedy cemetery, r/comedyheaven, r/comedyheaven best posts, r/comedyheaven top posts, comedyheaven, comedy heaven, reddit funny, r/comedycemetery emkay, emkay

Id: XjGHe25lRfo

Length: 14min 15sec (855 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 17 2019