r/Comedyheaven | where jokes ASCEND

Stevie Wonder if I could play video games you better would be it sorry it's kind of sad actually what's up guys and welcome back to Ma my name is Damian and today we're looking through our slash comedy heaven hey look it's a toothbrush taped to the ceiling and you get the toothbrush up there oh you know what tape says it in the title dipstick this restaurant is absolutely amazing definitely worth the trip response from the owner Yoda death sound perfect hey look it's a 2000 XP message from Tupac I am Alive I am Alive Tupac's alive in my computer I shaved my eyebrows you look stupid yeah same same energy strong men aren't just the ones with big muscles they are also the men who spend all their energy spreading the truth of all and there he is shouldn't he be when is it isn't the pray or kneeling not bowing I don't know but I feel like this is I feel like this is already incorrect it's nothing about the extinction of the American chestnut tree hey nice profile picture Luke I'm tired who's the president of Iraq Yoda good for him moving up in the world I guess finger hands and then finger hands for my finger hands what am I gonna get finger hands for my finger hands for my finger hands huh why am I like oh right in front of that is a name the emoji flash card game for movies describe samples of matter give one example of a solid of liquid in a gas for a solid we have poop for a likkle reef pee and for a gas we have fart I mean he's not wrong those are all states of being in five minutes I will collide with the earth and only then will you know the true power of Donkey Kong I'm finally here question how about should this all cost answer never forget the sacrifice of those brave Americans who are ground up and made into hotdogs that's what the fourth of July is really about M&M 313 Shady the M&M in me yeah you really feel like givin em huh $300 invisibility cloak the same used by Harry Potter in box only I'm holding it in the first photo wearing it in the second photo you know what's great about that as I know there was someone dumb enough to take the baton thing it was real the best part about that oh it's the gergan ama gaming chair racist a logistical high-back PU leather office chair computer desk chair executive economics tousle video chair headset lumbar support red the fact it took me only two tries to read that really system about me I am 300-pound yeah are you buddy for only $89 Wow er as much money as mr. Krabs what would you spend it on toothpaste good answer hey racism I brought you some lunch it's a knuckle sandwich with cheese if sexy being crime of an I am arrest and look at that back hunched them glasses the slicked back hair he is the definition of a hunk ands a beefcake you've ever seen one has trays made of high-quality glass and look at who they have the only one that matters the son with the glasses that is the only one that matters I'm buying their entire stock I want to eat this ATM machine so bad please why don't you do a DK huh he's scared HD Mickey Mouse baby dead and gas explosion you're not sad but not as sad as seeing full anthropomorphic fool top body like this normal person looking Mickey and Minnie I think that's really the worst part of this did you know some time when they are a problem best to do is improvise god bless the cam projector who is winning in your life Bible a phone you know this is comedy I guess this isn't comedy heaven but I really appreciate the craftsmanship it took this little this gentleman I appreciate that yeah they take his pictures of himself in three different positions there he did it beautifully Bravo this guy bull poop I said poop not s I said poop not as I said said Cena s reported no I said C not ass I swear not to late fun clutch 22 what's this Chiron is it a carrot is it a carrot mama June are you sure I'm a gamer and I can help jet with a gamer now and not thanks so we got four so light two videos from this young prophet here the main problem with Donald Trump I'm communists trans Bamba is stupid and what should we tolerate he's a young skeptics to youtuber and I like that I like that about him crap Psy's Gangnam style just got more views than mine nice tonight what are you talking about I can't reach a comment you said Arun Davos are against ear are you right now hey keurae baro now hey ari andhad what are you talking about I can't read your comment and he even spelled it out for the Biebs but he didn't know we've said what oppa Gangnam style Gangnam style oh oh oh oppa Gangnam style song is the video you look gay in that video Bieber you made a violation you're under arrest oh and what violation if I made you don't dance Gangnam style oh oh oh oppa Gangnam style and Justin's all like [ __ ] high I assume that's how he screams it's a lot of person gets quiet as the steam rises to his head and blows up his brains help buy me crack a hundred a hundred dollar goal I am raising money because I just want some damn crack that's an honorable cause watch what cup the ball is in they aren't moving Nana has a totally ah bro I like that I would play along with that if you like it's the left cup far left anyway not same one in the middle you want moving still but hey what's the hardest thing you ever had to say to someone I had to tell my sister that her dad had killed himself or sister Shire that's the hardest thing I ever had to say just died but it was a challenge the devil has a pitchfork the Reaper has a scythe it's farming a big thing in the underworld yeah yeah it is how'd you know tweet us anything with googly eyes on it and we will name it dead hamster man that's that's a shame play Sonic games Hey left-wing poet a waiter out your butt and put it in my freaking mouth yeah that's right I'm a bummer your friends on Facebook what do you got a save Deborah stupid frickin [ __ ] die okay Deborah there's a hundred cents in a dollar but zero cents to you fellas I'm sorry I like the eyebrow that's right on the island of that minion dog you screwed a dragon and everyone's okay with it yeah dogs hope believes climate changes a hoax Dolan's hope is an idiot you're counting the solutions for it is the real hoax hey Joey sounds eating about this yeah I drank my own piss get over it need any more that Joey salads run for Congress that there you'll bring this up in the bay inflation fetish I am 12 and I have an inflation fetish I want to see inflation video I found I YouTube wrong our slash man this sub is about economic inflation even Batman isn't safe from failure learn about a wreck function and what you can do about it together we can win Miss find I will set in the fart out of your butt thanks Michael it was really stuck in there man fat cat eats fat meal he looks like he's enjoying and I don't see a problem with it wow this guy is gonna give me free candy if I get in his van things are finally starting to look up for me you know this the third Donkey Kong tree not here and it's just a real song all the way through going bald honey hella hats help 83 dollars raised by four people in 19 hours get yourself some hats ami got your nose photos of that kid who turns old and fades away guess what what know yet the guess I don't know grandmas in the hospital why would you make me guess that and what role would that be okay for me to guess all my school photos since you're 7 what the hell happened in year 9 you got a haircut look at him smiling who's the burger now hand burger hmm God the screaming fee that is a face of pure shock in agony hey that's a minion handed underwear dong warmer dong sock vibrator cozy custom willy warmer crochet accessory from an anorak fit handmade for $20 only man what a steal you little turd screw you I freakin hate you you're a runt I want you obliterated stop smiling you freak stop it now hey man he can't stop smiling he's delicious and he knows it 800 children infected with HIV the clues led to one man James Charles babe I miss you hug did I just hug a pillow forever alone hit me up girls Jesus is calling you can either answer or do drugs instead in any man I just brought a little bit of weed in this dime bag there love dime baggie a weed normally it's for cocaine but about weeding it you want some decline the call I love what you guys are doing keep up the good work Jew thank you but please refrain from using that acronym our organizations name is journalists excellence worldwide I understand my middle name is Kevin Keith what a weird name to say weird way to spell Keith too with an angry I want to kill that guy who did this to her I like to dominate women but not like a bat that goes too far it brought us an animated show one bullet isn't enough to kill a legend yeah he got shot five times is that enough Maria I don't like that that guy's profile pictures of this man you see that and add a public reply I don't like that what's wrong you little crybaby snow click piece of crap Millenial fish did you not get any like on social media that's me right now I'm gonna like on social media I post great stuff all the time and when doesn't get like like it's sad my comment my comedy gold should never go unnoticed yeah that's right that's comedy gold your mom likey when we do 69 and skittles 4200 died a burn so hard that's so imposter way my wife crashed my Mustang no she hurt not yet she launched herself in the bathroom hey wait a minute bud you think about what you've done 15 Disney princesses taking a dump and what they're turds would look and smell like yes Disney Princesses need to do number two to princess Jasmine's turds we probably long curly and smell really awful as the food in Arabia at that time would have consisted of dates barley rice and meats I don't like that that's what you described buddy lol I love crystals lay to breath hey look it's his mane ask a guy who works at McDonald's anything hey what do you work McDonald's any other questions yeah I said a little extra Mayo not a damn macum which sandwich they brought us okay I just eat it it's a spicy meat chicken too you've ever tried and dole out the spice what did Hannah bring back from vacation a t-shirt a snow globe or measles vaccine preventible diseases are still out there how to make a working electric chair and minecraft yeah working one tell me how minion is that your penis this homeless guy found my mom's phone and keeps face having me telling me he's my new dad found listen I'm on your mom's phone right now and could you just lend me $300 please don't tell me that that's what I think it says please don't worry that just says ninja that's your intro I don't know if that's a good interim in why don't intend Oh code so long guys my code doesn't work anymore yeah you're the idiot for posting it and then not doing anything about it hello number neighbor you just text my dead wife's number ass play 8-ball Oh it's what it is yours truly videogames made me kill my wife did they really Oh j32 nobody loves you nobody likes you nobody loves you nobody thinks you're pretty nobody wants to talk to you nobody wants you to live don't worry my name is no money your name is Paul Pawlowski I'm crying I'm crying but you are a good person I have never begged anybody like this before please just a photo of you didn't that's it please he wants a drop of coochie he needs it I hate the Muppets because of the pig girl she was disgusting I hate her with my life she does not leave the lizard alone Thanks looks okay I found an incredibly specific anti pitbull meme page this is you if being a pitbull defend a piece of crab or a sport a mean he looks proud of all of his trophies I bet you don't have any trophies dude perfect I did a new photo this is not a door then what is it no potato hey little lettuce you want me to check out your peepee whoa that's the tiniest peepee I've ever seen hey man it's not about the size of the ship okay it's been a motion in the ocean the size of the ship Daniel Pina feel is with Nicole Prado hey Daniel your girl looks awfully like you oh my god I'm pregnant say what I'm pregnant you're the father it's not mine but you're the only guy I've been with I got a vasectomy five years ago deal with it hey look it's an word radio night what would you do you saw me drunk like this smash your skull with the heaviest rock I find damn take it easy man hey where is SAT the SAT scholastic aptitude test can be taken in many different locations go to college readiness or go to find one near you Lucas I will crap on you Hey look at that little elf on the show well Google he is when he named that platonic Satan yeah whatever what a fitting name how much sawdust can be put in a rice krispies treat before people notice this was my experiment the answer too much so much sawdust Wow oh wow sure well Frick up you heard Robert McDonald Rabiya shut up teachers and gamers agree slave Tetris is and how you educate kids about slavery thanks to a social media backlash a Danish company learned the hard way that there are better methods for teaching students about a painful chapter in history I mean yeah this should be pretty universally agreed-upon spelling lesson the last four letters in American I can the last four letters in Republican I can the last four letters and Democrats rats nothing wrong with a little bit of rats you ever watch write it though I love rats my hair may be straight but my body is not I have scoliosis and that brings us to the end of our slash comedy heaven if you liked the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from MK it's good for you it makes you feel good and we all like feeling good and as always I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,653,958

Rating: 4.9352336 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/comedyheaven, r/comedyheaven best posts, r/comedyheaven top posts, comedyheaven, r/comedycemetery, r/comedycemetery best posts, r/comedycemetery top posts, r/comedycemetery emkay, comedycemetery, reddit funny, r/bruhmoment, r/bruhmoment emkay, r/comedyheaven emkay, emkay

Id: OcSC9_ZcltM

Length: 14min 11sec (851 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 22 2019