r/Cursedcomments | *windows startup noises*

oh my god they turned murder from among us into a real thing there's no kill cooldown i just checked oh crap they figured it out you better stay inside folks the among us fandom is spreading into real life how's it going ladies and gents welcome back to mk i'm your host robin and today we're going to be taking a look at r cursed comments [Laughter] i love these ones they inflict me with such a pain the likes of which i don't get in my daily life anyway without much further ado let's get to it you get a mild cough the doctor looks worried your mom starts crying the avengers visit you today the avengers tomorrow stan lee ah why no seriously how does he wipe his butt that's why he wants his wife back and his kid bathroom with a glass floor over an abandoned elevator shaft imagine just taking a dump and someone manages to get into the old elevator shaft and they look up at you like what is wrong with people how to survive a bear attack if it's brown lie down if it's black fight back if it's a bear get the heck out of there in britain we don't bother with these bull crap elections we just have a queen that doesn't die i reckon that'll change soon i reckon you're full of crap and just some prick who owns a gun i reckon it'll happen on november 25th dude schlatt you can't say stuff like that man you can't insinuate that you're going to go out and kill the queen also i'm sorry schlatt but she would absolutely whoop your ass how many toes you got you mean in my mouth are blocked have a horrible day yes i agree how dare you one pixel per us cobia 19 death oh beautiful open bars and thanksgiving are about to get this big to 4k you know luckily enough here in colorado we completely avoided a surge after thanksgiving so go coloradans i guess there's always a bigger fish you could probably just shove kevin hart up yao ming's ass woman filmed driving without seatbelt says it wasn't her fault because the belts are racist to fat people they would that is a race got it yeah a race to the death there may be a slight delay a bomb dropped by britain during world war ii just exploded in a canal in poland ping boris be like why did i just get xp well well no you only get xp if it killed if it killed some oh no why shrek is one of the most diverse movie series of all time body positive gays trans latinos racial commentary interracial marriage commentary on privilege and milks these are all poor categories my favorite part of shrek was gays yo cinderella what is up how'd she sneak out at midnight with those things clapping someday i'll get back to disney springs someday yes i'm a disney park fanatic grow up maybe for my birthday next year slazzle will send me to disneyland ah yes semen flavor finally an ice cream place that gets the color right seek medical attention please oh i have never seen this before you have 15 seconds to ruin a job interview what do you do or say the interviewer asked me what i knew about the company apparently talking about their company spokesperson being arrested for child it wasn't the correct answer wait were you gonna go to work in subway never ask a man his salary a woman her age mojang how they got the panda death sound we don't ask mojang anything anymore just because they don't do anything anymore so oh how disgusting since this isn't on r slash don't put your dick in that i will assume that i can i mean you always can reddit is not law you can if you want to just understand there are always going to be consequences if a boy turns into a girl for a day not sure if you're going to milk your boobs too much or fingering your vagina many times washing dishes you filthy mind i think i lost a couple of brain cells there or at least lost a wrinkle or two in my brain when you're watching a movie and the villain is starting to make some good points me when watching a world war ii documentary there it is didn't take long at all to get to a hitler one huh doctor was called in for an emergency delivery while still wearing his halloween costume next thing you know the hospital blows up gotta respect the fact that he came in looking like that though belle delphine only likes to play with herself isn't a dolphin elon doesn't know her helps adults who feel alone or dolphin wants to play with you is literally a dolphin got featured in meme review with elon musk helps people with autism asking the big questions here if a centaur had a penis where would it be both is a mythical creature why not have a double-dunger yeah like that one guy on reddit from years past adults on board we want to live too no baby on board feel free to drive into me ah the duality of man 1.6 billion dollars worth of gold one of those bars is enough to change someone's entire life and their family's lives especially if i dropped it on their head please drop it on mine also where the hell these people getting pictures of billions of dollars worth of gold huh how'd you get into fort knox i missed the days when men went off to war and never came back i miss the days when women died giving birth what's going on here deep fried talk why can't americans lose weight losing weight involves losing americans never lose america is even winning covet we have so many more kills than everyone else and you can thank a very particular group of people for that one can't wait for the stimulus pizza party i love this country penguin egg whites become transparent when hard boiled sad feet i don't even know what to say who the hell decided rendezvous would be pronounced like that poor monolinguals they can't seem to understand that other languages exist beside english what the heck did you just call me she called you a mongolian the french has entered lechette translation the french are freaking the cat what is going on that one was a bit of a nightmare to read males of reddit how would you feel if a girl gave you a flower i'd just be glad they came to my funeral same at wait anon donates blood be me donate blood get message week later your blood has been put to use track down the guy on facebook message him really cool guy actually weeks later meet his new girlfriend dude i'm gonna get to third base tonight that's my blood and your ding-dong i'm the one getting to third base not him technically i screwed his girl see you later virgins well your blood is in his body it'll never touch the girl this means all your blood did was make another man hard which makes you gay photographer has been capturing gingers around the world for seven years and it's not just about the air are they gonna let them go seven years is a long time to capture anyone even gingers for real though why is this photographer traveling the world to take photos of ginger kids i don't get it hoping trump loses just because this would be objectively extremely funny to watch deutsche bank may seize trump's assets if he loses and fails to repay debt trump tower is going to be the biggest spirit halloween store in the country i would travel across the country to visit that spirit halloween if she's able to walk with her two legs after sex you failed as a man that's why i always keep a hammer beside my bed just in case if i was having sex and they started to walk i will quite literally crap myself that's some scary stuff for a corpse to do hey hold up santa claus is immune to covet 19 says dr anthony fauci harvest his dna bleed him dry well his blood's not going to be very useful it's literally just coca-cola what's more impressive when it's done naked attending a sexual harassment seminar that's a power move but the last power move you'll ever make my ding-dong and balls when i'm not the one unzipping my jeans dad why did nine year old me think jizz was another word for piss once asked my teacher after watching this if i could go jizz in the toilet i still to this day lose sleep thinking about it oh my god how in the world did you find something more embarrassing to say to your teacher than calling them mom it's likely i could lose my job soon i should have a backup plan other skills let's see what i've got in if she's really good at it she might not lose her current job what's the weirdest compliment you've ever been given i'd kill my grown children if i could go back in time and make a new set with you old lady buying cigarettes holy god it's like as people get older they either get super mega prudish or they do this they go the exact opposite direction and decide to go full horny actually a thing who invented russian roulette and has anyone ever actually played it my grandfather was so good at this game he only lost once that's quite a record disneyland reopening the most infected part of the world i'd kill a thousand children before i let my company die children are temporary money is forever except disneyland has not reopened at all since this began i lost track of my husband while shopping but i'm pretty sure he's in the area yes i'm gonna do that except i work in a morgue it's always weird seeing that people still go to shopko i thought they all went away yes that's what i got out of it not the morgue joke i mean come on i only lost because a freaking moth flew onto my balls while i was playing and i panicked kick it and slapped my nuts and lost the match i'm waking up to moth and dust i missed the moth and i slapped my nuts i'm waking up watch over the house for us alright sure see you later i think we all know where this is going it's not incest if you say no chromo thanks i hate it it's human can we go out and make a human that's not a nose charlie if you had 30 minutes to hide from a nuclear blast where would you go as close to the nuke blast radius as possible better to be nothing but a shadow on the ground in one instant than to survive a few weeks of dying of radiation poisoning plus you get to pick what kind of shadow you leave behind funny thoughtful physically impossible and good fodder for cryptid alien conspiracy theorists you've got 30 minutes to plan steal a giant salami from stop and shop and go down as the legend with a 27-inch long 4-inch thick ding-dong who jerked it to a new clear fireball what would you do if you were appointed to be the king of the world for a day and starvation that's not a one-day thing it is with nukes man you ever played fallout me watching porn and my earbuds getting accidentally unplugged pornhub's auto paws when earbuds are removed my grandma's funeral watching her last only fans maybe chuckle made me come come at me bro i'll beat your ass up i'm jacked steven forgets that he isn't on the internet stephen hawking origins not again dad what's that i started growing my own pot yep best dad joke of all time this is how pansexuals are converting your children not my children your children the test isn't that confusing the test maybe pluto's just kinky as hell exactly you don't know his life let him be you're cute and all but the a not being capitalized in your name is bothering me i think that's a problem though i'm all for lower case letters i respect that but keep in mind capitalization is the difference between helping your uncle jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse removing the polish with chemicals versus removing the polish with chemicals marketing level gods oh a bit disturbing how the girl is so young compared to him don't worry she's a professional giving my boyfriend an empty ps5 box with a positive pregnancy test inside good luck receiving child support minus the support i'm gonna need more pictures for research right no literally for masturbation purposes finally someone stops the science joke this page has been static since i woke up and it's starting to get on me nerves i grew up in brazil we have our results two hours after the polls close i grew up in russia we have our results long before the polls even open their faces says it all patrick is canonically hung what is wrong with schlatt man has anybody checked in on him recently how do i ask a boy out roses are red violets are blue guess what my bed has room for two oh my god no twinkle twinkle little star we can do it in a car stop it row row row your boat gently down the stream merrily merrily merrily merrily i can make you scream i feel like the last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory [Music] the passenger seat is the most dangerous you can't risk the ps5 bro have it in the back risk her life damn so i'm guessing she's single as hell now huh when your family is broke af and needs you to work when your grandson finds a golden ticket to a chocolate factory eat the kid and save the ticket for yourself grandpa joe you're a bastard new harry potter movie idea adam driver as a young snape his years as a death eater and his transition into dumbledore's inside man 10 out of 10 would watch can't happen snape was a gay black man oh right i forgot about that for real though we can't have anything nice until jk rowling grows the hell up every time dear small line of dirt that won't go into the dustpan screw you just snort it no nut november begins my [ __ ] sock 50 000 people used to live here now it's a ghost town the poop sock is still going strong though hey yeah that's right my man fastest man alive which might explain why you can't get a date uh uh he's still smiling because he had sex with her while she was talking oh no not cool off if you're cold they're cold bring them inside all right what's step two oh hmm sorry about that you're gonna have to figure that one out on your own voldemort likes snakes magic and death zero matches oh pork medusa oh i get it looks like she already turned part of him to stone oh god i hope not i wouldn't wish that on anybody this is the most positive suicide song i've ever heard it really is what it is isn't it deep down bruh moment how could we have been so blind will you survive the next four years no i don't think i will we shall see ladies and gentlemen we shall see thinking about buying a gong that would be very useful for you i bought 1 000 gongs and hit them at the same time to cause an earthquake thanks for the video idea i always knew my tweets would one day lead to hundreds of deaths you know what the heck is up with these people local bagel store doing their part if you come in without a mask we will have to take your temperature ps we only have rectal thermometers choose wisely sir this is your fifth time in here without a mask today yeah do you have a bigger thermometer also could you kiss my neck before taking my temperature look it's 20 20. we're all starved for the things that we once got all the time what's the most inappropriate nickname you can give a toaster forbidden bath bomb i'm dying then take the toaster out of the water your hands i want to hold them your lips i want to kiss them your dreams i want to hear them your toes hand them over same idea different designs why is the bear trap blushing like an anime character oh nichon please don't leave me grips you tightly never ask for anything ever again how did they know to call it world war one if world war ii hadn't come out yet because it was a planned trilogy from the start i beg your pardon yeah when are we gonna see the release of world war iii it's been a long time cristiano ronaldo reveals he's considering four more children to match his shirt number if the last one becomes twins he may have to murder one he does seem the type doesn't he also what a really great reason to have kids dad why was i born short number the day this man drinks two liters of water his kidneys will restart like windows vista oh badlands i really hope you're taking care of yourself as much as you can though man i don't know what the hell thick water is but please what if you put your fingers in a girl's mouth to be sexy and she just made a really loud whistle with the call the horse over player 3 has entered the game people whose jobs require them to enter someone else's house such as plumbers and electricians what was the weirdest thing you've seen at a customer's house my wife oh i'm sorry i made the softest pant in the world i thought winnie the pooh had an only fans well he's gotta get that honey somehow get that money get that honey all right i'm gonna give this a shot i want to start woodworking woodturning and epoxy projects but i don't know where to begin any recommendations for an la based mentor and or guru probably stay away from the woods man your career just got back on track for some reason woodworking and l.a doesn't really compute in my brain when they're said together in transylvania count stop you i can't believe that you're drawing a beloved children's television icon doing this what are you teaching our children a punch like that should have been delivered with a straight wrist he's gonna break something and on that wonderful sesame street ass note we've come to the end of another video ladies and gents i've been a fan since day one so i decided to make some fan art i really like the colors on this one yes even though i'm color blind i can still see colors so there always remember if you even somewhat enjoyed today's video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed it well then consider getting subscribed and clicking that bell icon and until next time we'll catch you [Music] later

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,374,504

Rating: 4.9485059 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, cursedcomments, cursed comments, reddit cursed, reddit memes, reddit funny, cursed memes

Id: XUioKGj68io

Length: 17min 46sec (1066 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 11 2021