It’s Not Racist if it’s True. BT - Full Special

oh my god this food take yoga my favorite hot yoga hot yoga is as the white girls say just if there's a reward the young white girls own it is everything to young like white girl is like oh my god this food it's french fries I don't care it's open that's not even stereotype that's the truth and some stereotypes aren't you wouldn't make your races they only white guys and fit Bluffs only white guys can rock flip-flops like nobody's business like alright going to a wedding better get my good flip-flops on alright I'll be the toast of Provo weenies son of a guns you want how many black people live in your town go to a 40 cent wing night at Buffalo Wild Wings like oh my gosh I know we had is Nene you guys live here in Provo no I'm from Chicago heard on Facebook I heard 247 wait not spicy garlic vocabulary alright my god watch this one Floyd made with a fight when we sucker punch this guy and his white lady a sucker punch you like me it's a weird time to go I got one just for me with a fight any and the second fine just got and it's white the next one goes oh my gosh that guy just got clobbered I will clobbered no offense clobbered flabbergasted no business you guys work no offense every that conversation in the hood like here right Devante that side what happened he got beat up last night Devante got beat up oh I'm forgetting what happened some white dude some white dude in flip-flops at 47 wing night beat him down and it was a and that is the best I've felt since I've been here seriously I'm not happy cuz I'm cold I don't like this I'm cold it's like old of you people your wife it's not cold Teresa don't ha ha don't get mad you seen the Winter Olympics it's three of us and then kind of commercials so we had these your Olympics I'm freezing nothing I hate more than cold weather I hate cold weather cold weather racism New England Patriots that's how much and I hate the Patriots the Patriots can play the KKK I'd be like oh she's go she cochis cochise so I'm really not happy right [Music] you guys understand I'm miserable man I was like wait for my uber and it's not really that cold but for me it is and I'm I got my Kohana I got my mug the gloves I got my psyche out I got a star far away from my over uber driver shows up Dodge Ram 1200 windows down he's got a t-shirt on I was like this is a man he rolled up I feel like I was his date I go hey booboo where we going roll the windows up ooh who is cold I am not happy here at all man serious - for two reasons one like I just got through having a hip hopera had a hip replacement done and there is nothing exact there is no way to be cool and have after you have a hip replacement I mean whatever a little bit of cool I thought I had is done you can't try and talk to a girl with a walker at the same time like a girl were you going with your name girl are you gonna run away don't run away from me girl come on it are you gonna take the steps okay you gonna take the steps okay okay you know I kicked you to a good parking girl come on now what's up you know so but you know what I did though honestly I said you know why someone be handicapped for a little bit I'm gonna make it look good so instead of getting like the traditional Walker like oh people have I see you know what i'ma go gangsta style so I got my Walker it's copper right blacked out wheels black that handles no tennis balls I was standing all gangsta like what's up girl like that on my Walker I gotta hide you because I didn't have a hit but I was like hey what's up girl like this you know oh my god I look good and although all the nurses like all my nurses were white except for one she was black and all the nurses like oh my god where'd you get that Walker it where'd you can get a walker you know I can a tennis ball I go I don't use tennis balls but that's not how I roll and all night oh my god nice Walker and the black nurse came in she goes oh I like that Walker I go I don't know but I was worried the whole time about getting that by getting the operation because the nurses kept getting little stuff wrong cuz they go okay so we're doing your left it's not right here and they kept doing it then it's not like much but like that's like an operation it's all I got a haircut you know a barber's who's your hair cut up you know you can grow it back right I mean you know everything right ball here dude he said I even [ __ ] really hectic hey right but they keep cutting here and getting it wrong I won't just keep getting shorter and shorter you know three or four operations I'm like a black gnome I'm like this big you know me that's not good right so I was kind of being a jerk about it I kept going and saw I was going to get my operation I go so you guys ready to get my right hip done right now right here the others me my right hip break yeah my right hip and they knew what I was doing so they go here we'll get you right it rich right hip and right before I went under I'm all like kind of like drugged up from the anesthesia I'm right about to go out and the nurse that she was messing with but she goes okay you ready for your new breasts I go and when I woke up which really would have been that babe you think about it I woke up like my hip hurts but I won't be able to play for a drink for the rest of my life this is great this is gonna come in handy on the weekends you know I mean so but I still got that like I'm still kind of like a little bit depressed you know why because when I watch the Olympics I go TV now it's like I realize I can't do that anymore and what you win and it then so much but every man here will tell you every man in the back of his mind all reserves that little space we still think we can do a professional sport you guys know no time I right yes every guys ladies if your man watches the game like this he still thinks he can do that you know I mean and when you realize you can't it's the worst feeling in the world isn't it I mean I can't do it like I'm watching all the Olympic sports I can't do it well well curling I can do I could be a curler I can be a curler curling is what happens when a janitor and a bowler have a key that's our curliness so hope I heal up pretty good man cuz you know like I was just like my buddy man I'm like I want to get in and in the movie that's my thing movies you mean like I want to be an action movies you I mean like cheese the extra how much cheesy do I wanna be in cheesy things you mean like I'm a firm believer we're all gonna be in at least one Fast & Furious movie before it's all over I'm like I'll see you like weren't you in Fast and Furious 300 yeah boyee jumpin North Korea South Korea that was you you know I mean like I like cheesy movies man like where you say cheesy stuff like eight you forgot your receipt stuff like that you know name is your pistol need some old name you know what I mean but you can't be an action movie star with a bad hip Jason oh man now I'm gonna audition for different roles and I gotta be the old black maintenance man helps the football team win you know I got a straight Nikita who's upon coming home for let me talk to you I gotta be like Ray Lewis in a wheelchair come on the Lord put you in for me that's my thing man I love acting you know I'm not favorite actors in the whole world or uh Denzel Tom Hardy and I believe it or not Brad Pitt yeah you know Brad Pitt who's worried about Brad Pitt he can't play any role in Hollywood except a faithful husband in that we're Brad Pitt played the Mexican I mean man he played the Mexican like what next Brad Pitt is Kunta Kinte the only role that I haven't seen him play is a horror movie that's my two movies I want to be is I wanna be an accident recent horror movies cuz horror movies stay with you forever like they they invade your so like I saw jaws when I was a kid until this day I won't get in the ocean right like I saw jaws when I was a kid I went to California the next year and I went in the ocean and a piece of seaweed hit me I literally ran across the water everybody's like oh snap like Jesus look at me scholar but I love scary movies but in which is weird cuz I'm was a very scary guy gets scared really easy like there's any adults here other than myself afraid of the dark anybody really one person thank you so much old women but think I was thinking you guys any guys here afraid of the dark just reel me in here okay just me okay anyway yeah it is that scary I'm I was in Iowa one time right which is one of the few states wider than you guys were I was in Iowa right I came out of my room and I in and I was giving a walk down the hallway but I did hear my door shut so when I turn back to shut my door there's three white girls walking down the hall but they were walking they were all in unison walking like this and their heights were like this and they all had dresses that came down to here they all had a flower on this side of the hair and they were all blonde and I was like huh and they looked at me like should we do that to you I mean you're a black man in Iowa we've better chance seen Bigfoot riding a unicorn but you you know but that's how I just want to be in movies man I mean horrible coming the scariest movie I've ever seen in my whole life was Paranormal Activity 2 because that way we didn't have a soundtrack I don't wanna bring you guys down but in real life you don't know when you're gonna die and when you do there's not gonna be any music playing it's every sounds your horrors real life you like and I realized watching that movie I can never be a parent cuz that Ghost was inside that house the evil spirit and that dad went back in to save his family that was me it's scary as I am I've been butt-naked on the street like the comedy was wrong I think my family's still inside that house man you think hey man I heard of noise they didn't samurai got a pattern man but I think my wife and kid I send us out that house officer look people that soothing to scare black people the police and ghosts and if you get a black Quinn I won't leave your house tell them it's haunted by police ghosts they will never come over your house ever again no brother won't get beat up by spirit I said freeze Pope man what like we don't deal with the supernatural well yeah we deal with the here right now like we'll fight anybody yeah but but if you ever fight anybody brother any black people here will you ever fight anybody never fight a Samoan that's me learn that the hard way trust me cuz they call the tribe in you will somebody's man what's up hold on in trouble must go trust me on that trust me so yeah man I'm trying to deal with this with him and just uh like I say I'm trauma trust in the doctor I'm trying to it's hard for me to trust there are things I don't trust in life you don't mean like my ears my fly I get nervous because how much you got I lost that airplane at one time and they never found it does anybody know about Malaysian airline they just lost it how do you lose an airplane like I said keys in every type of airplane part out of the ocean right and they took the serial number it's not better airplane is it well shoot them at it how about this this sooner what's it that's on it how about this well Sumer that's not it how many planes at the bottom at Ocean thanks Reina oh sure like an episode of Sanford and Son none but empty airplane parts Malaysian airline has lowered the bar for everybody it's like American airline we might lose your luggage but we won't lose you and honestly unless you tell me otherwise I'm gonna say aliens I'm not you guys I believe in that matter fact I believe in everything but the government it's true I believe in God I believe in ghosts my fact if you told me you saw Bigfoot snowboarding down this mountain not really that means no words that big but the government said we're gonna lower taxes no you're no you guys don't believe me remember uh remember well about five years ago you try to make us believe and get the Ebola virus remember that every time your stomach a go let me get sick up here but a minute and lower intestine get it real you gotta clench up like the one thing you got a bowl up having you got a potato sack race to the bathroom I think I got a bowl up man would you eat last night Taco Bell you ain't got a bola so Sigma it's always something new that gets you about every five years the government over something new like what it was it hola now what's the Zika virus remember that all right that's what the athletes in the last Olympics had to deal with there in Brazil remember they said they had with the Zika virus is he to swim what they thought was Ross which makes you wonder how bad they want that gold medal I mean wasn't worth at where mikey is at three eyeballs in a tail but hey I grew up wanting to be an Olympics Man Group a group version by the way you know Oklahoma hey buddy woman anybody heard about it one fifty states Oklahoma anybody he's my mama you've been there thank you nice people I put in there before I was passing through when I was like well this is no one ever leaves off from Oklahoma they go you really warm up like why would I make that up like when you're black gonna be for some place it sounds Coolidge is how we are like what are you from dog New York who are you from Cali where are you from cuckoo you know just and I'm the only one who hears Oklahoma and I'm the only one of my family the only one of my family be only one of my family the only one of my family who has not currently or at one time worked for Walmart I'm the only one that got out yes I feel like that gang member who leaves the gang and then the interview man is in a you know darken his face and distort his voice yes I feel like like you I'm a Walmart Polites what I represent we go to small towns we take over everything no target don't came are no softcore life life I ever get a tattoos on me of a smiling face right here with rollback prices right there at Walmart for life I will do a drive-by on a target in minutes at a target I grew up man it is I go home is change my thinking but like I feel I feel like I'm going back like to my Oklahoma ways like I finally decided in my life that I did I uh I might get a gun I find this side of that you know I used to be anti-gun you got a that gun of course of course you do of course you do but now I'm with that thing cuz I think our guns used to be it used to be it's mine but you know you have a gun next few bits that table case somebody breaks in and when they do you know at night so when it breaking it up oh look some eyes here you take your gun out of your like box all right take it off safety and you love it oh there there I used to say next to your bedside table have a stack of Chinese throwing stars cause no matter how tired and groggy you are you can always chunk something it's like somebody's here think about it the miss is gonna be scarier than they hit it's a nice cover whole way together oh man we're just broke into an instant sauce done yeah [Applause] and I want to get more than one gun my father used with my own cup now I realize that's not practical gotta get more than one you know for you because it's not gonna go down like you think it is right people think next you pass that table like like a thief gonna be like you know I'm here gotcha buster you know you gotta be ready I have one for bed and one for like the kitchen geez case your woman's make you some cookies or something like you know a man's coming home making some cookies sorry brick get your money oh I didn't know you were gonna be here hold on let me just kid I got money in the Sugar Bowl right so one for the kitchen one for the kitchen one for uh one for the living room right now he's walking in the hallway to me break a few money Oh see I'm sorry I got money behind this picture I'll just okay don't shoot yeah I had one for that right one for uh the Dean maybe you know watching the Mormon Tabernacle Choir something like that right they having a great night and also nice money break you know man I got money right here in the console please please oh shoot I got my right another right there right one for the bathroom right you never know you never know it's never gonna go down like you think it have one for the bathroom right have they have it taped to the back of the toilet like Jason Bourne styles might come in right there okay man hold on miles on the toilet is how do I make it okay right but your are in the bathroom anyway you don't I say you do here's what I say you do right some people you might have felonies and you can't own a gun and if that's the case I see you get a weapon that's conducive to your nationality me I'm black which I'm assuming I'm African so he breaks anybody hold on man okay let me just keeps it better don't you have a break in my house again do you understand that fill the Bulldog with the white people who do understand when to say there was a blow-by-blow about that is that is a black history moment for all your white people we do that's what we do now the big debate is whether who's we have guns in school that's the big debate which which yeah they said that ago we should arm the teachers what she has what I say cuz that says safety for a kid like crossfire that's just teaching all right here we go ayyy oh are those gunshots kids these days kids underneath the desk underneath the desk underneath it and it's time miss Thompson to blow somebody's okay coast is clear what an Ikea come on out it's okay it's okay come on out come on out now we have a new word problem if miss Thompson had three clips unloaded two clips how many clips miss Thompson a black the last one way to go Devante snow Eddie's got his bacon cap on but I don't know will you find man where you from Oh Brazil oh nice latina Oh like that I do your walking about Latin women they always turned me down the nicest you go to a dance club you ask the wrong black woman today and they just give you that look like hey doctor dance and get you one man you ask the wrong white girl dance hey check it oh my gosh Heather Melissa amber come here oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god Darryl Strawberry is asking today in space that team has you give me hope I can track the dance No [Laughter] no wonder they don't care out all the guy is his beautified Maria you're 19 he's 34 I don't care I love Carlos Carlos is good to me black woman is saying white girl he is too old for you what's wrong with you girl he can retire from the post office in two years girl benefits girl your Latin woman's scare me cuz you're so fertile you just think about having a baby go over a speed bump just joking don't get mad I want you to stab me after the show Danny yes daddy gets awesome it's how you think shall we meet the one you look me I like going to different countries I like testing out there they're like cuisine I come I like this is that different food like no offense I had a little ethnic food here like I like stuff that like I went to Arizona a couple weeks ago I went to us about Mexican food restaurant they speak English I didn't speak Spanish but we both got the job done you do charades like I wanted to talk you know I mean like you know man like every ethnic restaurant should be their way you should go to like a soul food restaurant there should be an old black lady in a rocking chair going [Music] interracial couple comes in mm-hmm you go to a Irish restaurant for waitress there's a black guy and a kid you know real authentic you know man oh that was bad but the black lady rockin sure that was okay okay I just wanna make sure okay okay now me personally I think it's a corner of the market I want to open up a Native American restaurant there's none of those there I'm Oklahoma I could do it thank you one lady from Oklahoma who passed by thank you I want to call it the reservation how great is that a restaurant called the reservation you make reservation at the reservation how great would that be you know means you come in right and then like I say I'll have the 1/16 Cherokee platter last mayor had two Custer platter Oh killed it right when you're the middle of the meal somebody just comes and snatches the fry me like yeah you can't do that ha yeah you like it you know I mean you guys are all right Matthew guys they're all right now I live in I live in Indianapolis right now anybody Indiana anybody before the Indiana but no Oklahoma really how does that work really Indiana is are you from area you live are you've lived there or you pass by which one is it did you live there oh you been how you been there ain't no but no I live there no one's live there oh would you like would you live Oh mate back me up Indiana is a great place that if you're a race car driver or racist it's a great place to live and if you're a racecar driving races that is the spot for you it is truly the burning crossroads of America right it is a great place to live but I love it there I love I live with a roommate and she's got a kid and it's not by traditional I she's a kid she had like like in vitro fertilization done this house she got a kid right but that cost like $15,000 right my room was five feet away I could have saved a 14-8 give me a Red Bull and a Walmart gift card you've got yourself a baby and I love that kid like I'm gonna tell you guys right now man I'm gonna apologize any parent in here I'm apologize you right now that's one of the toughest jobs in the world I was one of those people who didn't have a key in trying to tell you people how to raise your kid I'm gonna tell you right now by the heart I apologize to each and every one of you parents that's one of the toughest jobs and watching the kid and that kid and I loved it and that kid I feel like he's my kid I'm not gonna have a kid I mean my my my my neighbor was like you just have a kid I'm like really I'm 49 now but I might get a kid we can walk one we say to the kid like hey buddy now take a walk you're gonna help push Daddy up the ramp put him old Paris I to graduation I don't know where I'm at let's say I love you dad Oh but I love this kid so and the weird thing with kids now is he'll come to my room and kids don't play with toys they go on youtube and watch other kids playing anybody norm time they watch and at the where to say in the world they watch kids play with toys I'm hunting YouTube blows my mind they don't play what they watch another kids toys so he goes my room watching it right and so he's you know my bed I'm sitting his chair he watching me he gets up and I know it's there's a wet spot on the bed I go hey buddy did did you pee on my bed he looks me dead in the eye he goes nope I go daddy said why did you did you pee but he goes nope and kids will look you is there no weirder just creep your stare than a stare of a two or three year old looking you in and they just look at you like this the whole time and it makes you uncomfortable you're looking serious they should have kids in police interrogation rooms then really sure get the truth out of my head like a good cop bad baby you know put in a Roma did you kill that person no have it to Rio just okay so the kid so I know he did it and I'm manic oh yes you t why you lining me goes no okay okay but he got mad and he do my iPad down right I'm trying to be good but I'm thinking if I was a parent what would I do cuz I'm back in my day you know I'm back in our day a long time ago we just get beat like beat dead luckily I'm glad and I'm glad that's done personally I really am cuz I mean I beat your kids a make it a comeback trust me when I say this I have a couple ants right now who should be on death row for their des back in the day right but I'm one of the few people from that generation who do you think you should be the kid even my mom was whooping me I got mama this is wrong know what I mean and everybody from a generation girls know I got beat this kid it made me the man I am today you know getting beat is akia taught me to fear black women with red hair that's what it taught me I can't watch the Nicki Minaj video we have a nervous breakdown yes they're all right man you really are what a good time this was not a really good time seriously thank you guys so much I guess I hope that be out in LA sometimes pursue a dream of being an actress my thing likes it but I gotta save up money which I'm bad at I'll tell you right now I'm bad with money I think I'm overdraft for next month already I'm very bad that you're bad with money then your bank statement bank statement it's Sally look at like man that Snickers bar calls me $37.50 Denny's satisfy this got to the point I got to rob my own Bank you walk it up all right give me money Donny I don't give it to me put it in account number seven three zero simple five that's why I have roommates right now I mean cuz because I'm trying to save up money so I have roomie I know it's not like I'm a loser that's why I have roommates if I see the money to move and because my apartment it gotten broken into so many times I finally realized here watch me because the last time they broke it let me see him last time I mean I've been broken into a lot the last three broke in my apartment they broke in and they stole my bed exactly a bed is gonna impulse steal people I've never been a thief before but I imagine it's something like hey cat this cat that let's go a bit is like Oh [Music] let's call somebody up help us come get it you know I mean that's under their watch because they stole my bed but they left my sheets that's kinda their watch me that's why like I love coming out west you do you guys know the value of land you know I mean like I don't like people knock on my door and I'm not ready I don't like that I'm gonna live like the country you know but about ten minutes from a mall you know just you know split the difference just k7e see my underwear you know just something like they're gonna mean over safekeeping I want to moat around my house with a drawbridge you get a drawbridge and a moat you eliminate foot traffic by 98% there one or two might show up as a Navy SEAL or a pole-vaulter coming but they do so you got to talk to my go ahead anybody Jehovah's Witness how you doing you made it past the alligator man investigators let's talk about Jesus man come on in folks I'm BT you guys been great thank you guys so much for us [Applause] you [Applause]

Channel: Dry Bar Comedy

Views: 1,424,553

Rating: 4.8080859 out of 5

Keywords: Clean Comedy, Dry Bar Comedy, Stand Up Comedy, Worlds Largest Library of Clean Comedy, BT, BT Dry Bar Comedy, BT Comedy, BT Comedian, Dry Comedy Bar, Dry Comedy Stand Up, Clean Stand Up, Clean Stand Up Comedy, Clean Stand Up Comedy 2020, Clean Stand Up Comedy Full Show, Clean Stand Up Comedy Routines, Clean Stand Up Comedy Clips, Clean Stand Up Comedians, stereotypes, chicken wings, buffalo wild wings, amazing, dbc, stand up, cold weather, dont like cold, patriots, new england

Id: xdigjf35vOw

Length: 29min 59sec (1799 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 21 2020