Political Correctness Has Gone Too Far. Rob Little - Full Special

look at all the money we save by not going on dates and uh wow look at all there is a lot of bald guys here what what is are we having a meeting or something what's going on awesome what's up bald brother yes oh i love being bald don't you oh my look at all the money we save by not going on dates and uh yeah we can look at them this is crazy are we having a meeting i feel like we should be like we could start our own band we got enough of us right here call ourselves the four tops or something that'd be awesome i see you're keeping the side though yeah okay just keep it at you can let it go let it go let it go awesome look at all the cute girls too it's weird i'm getting older and it's weirder things get me excited about women right you're getting older you know what i'm talking about like look at them there's a lot of good ones right here yes yes yummy yes what girls and glasses drive me and i just see them and i'm like oh boy she's got bad eyesight yes when those come off i am gonna look so good [Music] i look really good blurry so i love girls with disabilities so hot so hot oh you got a guy with glasses that's adorable do women feel the same way about guys with glasses it's not the same is it i know it's probably like oh my oh boy he's gonna fix my computer [Music] [Laughter] oh man i uh this is gonna be this is gonna be fun so um i'm kind of a party guy i feel like this is a party crowd for them yes that's what i i'm the kind of guy if you're having a party and you invite me i'll come i don't care what kind of party it is ladies a pinterest party i'll bring the craps right tupperware party let's pull the lid off this place you ever been to a crappy party though we all have if you have it you need to get out more i'll tell you that i went to the worst one i've ever been to in my life it was a um a search party everybody was crying ugh couldn't find this one guy great i start crying because byob i'm like this party sucks man who invited the cops this is a weird party i didn't know we could bring our dogs not everybody's laughing over here i feel like i feel like you guys are missing someone or something it was like we can't find todd we're like what are you doing at dry bar go home and look for them you jerks jesus never been married no kids and uh i'm an uncle though that's awesome any answer uncle's out there tonight answer uncles isn't it awesome when they're not your kids oh because my sister is so mean to me and i use my nephew against her right like i'll pick him up take him to a fair feed him cotton candy like he's pooping sugar cubes by the end of the night right and then we get back to my place he's like i want to jump off the fridge and i'm like you can do it you know 4am rolls around i'm like brady you got to go home buddy but before you do here's a 4 foot long pixie stick there you go there you go wash it down with this it's called five hour energy drinks [Music] oh my nephew too he's at this age where he's just a little bro he's 10 years old and i don't know what he's up with they may have kids 10 and under out there little ones yeah you guys do how old are your kids darling 15 and 14 and 13 and 9. i don't think you heard the question the alligator eats the bigger number [Laughter] i was looking for equal to or less than for a moment i thought you were giving me the lotto numbers there was a lot well thanks for taking a break to come out tonight wow yes you guys got a lot of kids nine-year-old boy or girl just a little brat at that age right you ever make the mistake and tell them they can have some but don't give it to them right away they don't shut up right my sister slipped and told my nephew they could have a pet but didn't let him pick one out right away and he wants a cat and i'm like oh he's gay no offense but i was just like wow i couldn't tell if you two were together or not but i just i don't want to offend anybody it doesn't bother me i wouldn't even care if he was it's not about that it's about i'm his uncle i want to get him a dog but he wants a cat cause grandma's got a cat and he's grandma's little boy so i told my sister go get him a cat right but i don't even know where you get a cat like salvation arm i don't know where you get a cat just go out on the road and grab one they're everywhere right [Music] there's a box pick one up there's probably 12 a minute just take one huh who cares dress somebody's house take theirs they're probably sick of it by now wow i feel like this crowd cares about cats this side's laughing but not so much over here i bet i bet someone has paid for a cat in this area he has i can feel it i knew it how do not you how much did you pay for the cat eighty dollars look at all the other dudes what [Music] what's the matter santa claus bottom okay so you're still believing in that stuff [Laughter] eighty dollars you couldn't talk them down to nothing that's what you do next time just walk in and go how much is this one they're like 80 bucks you're like i don't want it start to walk away they'll be like you can just have it then just have it we thought you might be dumb and try to pay 80 bucks [Music] is it a fancy cat no just piece crap cap 80 is a weird amount too like like i could see like 100 or 75 but eight what you have a group on or something and just that's not even that much some of the some people pay a lot of money for fancy has anybody got a fancy one out there fist cat yeah right here little woman right here wait how much what kind of cat you got yeah blame it on your daughter now my daughter has one but she lives with me and i bought it sleeps with me [Music] but i let her name it that's how that's hers it's hers what kind of cat is your cat darling savannah nope that's not a cat did you have to go to the savannah to get it or something is where what kind of cat is savannah cat i've never heard of that fourth generation sure yeah [Music] yeah so you went into town and got its genealogy a lot of people don't know it's related to the sphinx so we're just letting anybody into these tapings now is that what we're doing you're adorable thanks for coming out darling how much you pay for that savannah cat okay how about your daughter pay for this 5 000. [Applause] wow wow five thousand dollars wow you guys have okay i have some dvds for sale after this show they're normally 20 but for you 5 000. it's like a down payment on a house for some people you're like no my daughter wanted it she she's a good girl wow that's crazy my uh my sister my i was at a i was doing a cruise ship once and i actually somebody was dumber than you she's she spent 6 500 on a cat and i said what kind of cat was it she said it was a um bengal i was like uh i think you bought a tiger it sounds like you got a good deal if you ask me what'd you get it from some guy named roy by chance he's like this one's a little aggressive it's more of an outside cat right siegfried yeah you don't want to cuddle with this one rip your face off oh my sister's not as dumb as you she spent uh 300 on a cat for my nephew and i thought you'd give him like a kitten to grow up with right nope she got him an 18 year old cat and it was 300 bucks because it had wheels for her back legs my nephew picked it out he thought it was like a transformer right just grabbed him pulled it back thinking it was gonna shoot forward came with a death certificate so old gets up every morning to watch the price is right [Laughter] i love being an uncle man i love it but my nephew he loves he's little he's in kindergarten he loves going to the park no i don't know if you guys have ever been to like a like a new playground before they suck there is no danger at playgrounds anymore none except for an occasional dude in a white van big deal who doesn't like candy right like i used to run up that guy you got any candy today you'd be like get out of here fats oh i'm looking at the skinny kids look i see jolly ranchers in the bag i just just want a red one hey what's going on what are you doing i think they make the rides too safe for the kids that's what it is right like boys we need to get hurt we're just gonna keep doing dumber and dumber things like they're monkey bars monkey bars five feet off the ground now that's it if they fall they land in this corkboard spongy recycles they don't even gotta climb they just walk with them i told my nephew i was like dude when i was your age those things were like 10 feet off the ground if they'd be so rusted you'd need a tetanus shot before you go up on them there'd be holes where there's like birds nests and there'd be a hornet's nest at the other end and if you fell would you land in [Music] your school must have hated you guys would you just have an extra parking lot or like put it up put them up we don't care if they get hurt we had gravel which i thought was bad or broken glass or cigarette butts from the teachers you know get up you little wussy you know they got rental rides too if you go to a brand new park you'll never see these ever again and i'm looking at the second row and i bet these kids probably never how old are you darling right here you're 11 years old oh you probably don't even know what a merry-go-round is they got rid of them i was like oh how are we gonna figure out which kids are gonna grow up to be alcoholics right this is pretty much the same feeling you get on it hope some big kids around and get it spinning so fast that you fly off and hit your neck on a horseshoe pit stake and stand up throw up all over yourself this is the best ride ever that was a little chubby kid so they always made me sit in the center right or else it'd be like an off-balance wash load going around they got rid of the see-saw which i don't care i i never got to see anything i don't know why you're not coming down just catapult the kid the other way they got rid of this ride too and i know you will never know what i'm even talking about and it was huge when we were kids i don't know what they called it but it was always like a cartoon character or a horse and you'd get up on its back and then it'd have this like industrial strength spring coming out so you did this when you were riding there just [Music] right but i was the chubby kid so i just did this my back's touching the ground so just let go and the thing would shoot forward and take my nuggets with it my chicken nuggets now their slides are made out of plastic when we were little they were made out of that hot molten lava metal been baking out in the sun all morning hey let the kids out to play you know you go down this thing you got shards of butt flap hanging off of you just it's like a csi crying scene right they still make this slide you got this slide darling a little twirly that one's fun yeah if you're skinny that's a good time [Music] but if you're a chubster you can get some speed going on those states and they don't make it with like high banks or railings or anything to hold on to so you got like half a butt chick hanging off the whole right thinking you're about to fly out of this thing any moment and then whoever designs this like that guy's a jerk man because they start out wide and comfy but when you get to the bottom they just narrow into these tight little crevices it's like a fat kid cow catcher kids up top they can't see us so they're coming down kicking you in the bag you got scoliosis before you get off of this thing and the kids were mean to me because i was the chubby kid so they'd be whipping those red dodge balls at me they see them stuck i'm eating a sandwich [Music] i love sandwiches it's my favorite right if you're single and you make me a sandwich i'll be yours forever i love them does anybody else love sandwiches i'm not the only one right yes yes i love when girls say what's your favorite number one favorite sandwich chicken salad okay that's a little gross but yeah yeah that's not even a top five for me what did you clap too bro what'd you what's your favorite blt nah matt might make top five nice job nice what's the matter geez oh that's a big dude too holy cow all right whatever you say we're not gonna fight you on this sound like he had something in his mouth while he said those are good ones i like that one too buddy i know it i love i love it man my favorite are um ice cream sandwiches [Applause] i feel bad for some people some people can't eat certain things they got a food allergy that's that's gotta be horrible i can't imagine that i can eat whatever i want and i usually try to i don't know is anybody out there have a food allergy i don't want to make you feel bad but i know what sucks you do cutie right here what are you allergic to lactose intolerant okay so you're getting a little specific where me well it's not an allergy just not very tolerant of it and if they might if it ain't my nephew i'm a little kid intolerant so i i get it i get it that's tough that's one of the worst ones ever i'm gonna come back to you let's see anybody else i don't want to leave anybody else out if there is one other person nobody oh that's that's horrible i uh i think that's you have the worst one if you ask me because there's somebody over here has one do you agree what is yours gluing so somebody just like taking their butt coming at you like no they're jackie that's a dumb one that ain't really [Applause] nobody had that when we were kids right if a kid came in and said he had a gluten allergy we'd put that kid down that was wrong something's wrong with that kid right you're a mormon you just make more um i don't know i think she has the worst one yours is bad but you you can't eat like ice cream right i love ice cream what happens when you eat bad things you just bust open the bathroom door with a knife somebody gave me ice cream get out of here family of four was murdered by a lady lactose intolerant do you mean you just have bad like like everybody needs a 30-foot radius or something i feel bad for you i don't care i if i had it i'd i'd still eat it i'd just be calling 9-1-1 what's your emergency rob is that you cookie dough i hate all this stuff i hate that we got to change things i don't like being politically correct i hate all that i don't know if any of you guys feel the same way but i just feel politically correctness has gone a little too far for me i should rights okay thank you i can prove it i can prove it do we have any teachers out there tonight any teachers oh you're a teacher too the lactose girl no so the kids are all like where's mrs smith [Music] been in the bathroom all day watch out when she comes out bad things happen what grade do you teach eighth and seventh we go backwards from you okay so just whoever shows up that day or something i'm in seventh grade well i'm teaching eighth grade math today you better catch up there's a couple teachers over here too what grades what grades third grade i'm the facilitator okay so you didn't hear the question but you raised your hand so you did the right thing you did the right thing and i was looking for real teachers third grade you might be able to back me up on this and anybody that's got little kids you might have heard this this blew my mind when my nephew came home and told me this did you know little kids can still sit this way but you cannot call it indian style anymore right now it's crisscross applesauce whatever that's supposed to it sounds delicious sounds like a cobbler or something like we go to grandma's everybody some crisscross applesauce waiting for me do they say that at your school what do they tell them to do with their hands there's always something with their hands sit up just sit on your hands you guys don't even care it's usually hands in your lap because they're basic but yours works too it's basically they say that so you don't smack a kid that's what they're doing right but some teachers get very creative with this obviously your school's not that creative but some some schools i've been all over the world the best one i've ever heard was in oklahoma they say uh they got a poem they'd go crisscross applesauce pockets on the floor hands in your lap and talk no more i was like oh that's adorable but some states are stupid like missouri's got the grossest they say crisscross applesauce hands in the chocolate sauce it's like dude if there is chocolate sauce [Applause] pretty sure that kid had an accident texas is the most aggressive they say crisscross applesauce catch a bubble in your mouth and i was like what does that mean it was a first grade male teacher he goes and means shut up and he said in front of the kids which that blew my mind and they're all like yeah he says [Music] i don't know what they say but i don't know ohio is the dumbest they they have a they have a poem but there's something obviously wrong with it and you guys i'm sure you'll catch on right away they go uh crisscross applesauce pepperoni pizza put your hands in your lap and listen to your teacher [Music] i don't think that rhymes ohio pizza teacher where'd you get your ryman dictionary from dora explorer [Applause] i don't think native american indians care that we say indian style right they they probably just call it style it's probably nothing to them right is there anybody out there that has some real native american indian in them that'd be awesome if there was yeah raise your hand if you do because we have like cherokee in my family one over here do you guys bro oh she raised she pointed at you and then she oh she doesn't know that you're not indian this is the gluten lady by the way what what makes you think he's indian is this goatee or something because anybody can grow those you don't have to be indian although i am cherokee we have a little cherokee in our family is there anybody else i feel like i'm not the only one right you do too darling what brand or not brand tribe tribe cherokee that's good one hi uh do you know your percentage a little bit yeah let me go to the teachers on this somebody goes hey what's uh 33 minus four of them do the percent and they're like well it's partial credit partial credit why do you think you're cherokee if you don't know your percentage just grandma said hey if anybody asks just tell them your cherokee well good luck scalping me i don't know what to tell you you're indian too you raise your hand bro what kind another cherokee do you know your percentage grandma told you too that's awesome do you either have you got siblings because that's the best part right do you have wait a minute do you have kids awesome is this one of them right here that runs with no blind sight or something she has glasses that's adorable how many kids do you have just her you have three so you got one little two little three you have the first verse look at second row they have no idea what i'm talking about right now that makes me sad you know what we should do we should sing it oh i can't believe we're gonna do it yes okay indians this is your song so get ready all right if there's any black people in here we're singing so all right here we go on my beat get ready you're gonna do it right grandma's i'm looking at you you're probably there when the song was made so let's okay here we go watch this you're about to blow your mind ready [Music] yes that was awesome i can't believe we did it were you three just like how do they know that did you catch on by the second verse though yeah i see where they're going with this [Music] they don't teach it anymore which is hard they say it's racist they don't say racist but they come out and basically say that's racist but they don't right and it's not your fault that you guys don't know it it's the teacher's fault i would be upset if i were your cherokees because you only got one famous indian he's part of a group that doesn't cover it they just sing ymca all day did you three learn to count if you didn't know that song that's like your fingers yeah your fingers but you lose a finger right you're down to nine you're like what's after that we could do that blindfolded that's how good we are but they don't teach it because they say it's an inappropriate racist or whatever but i don't i think it's just a counting song right cherokees right it's your song christ it's a county talk it can't literally be anything he'd be like one little two little three little white kids four little five six little black kids seven little eight little nine little mexicans a little bit of percent cherokee local man robs wendy's with alligator for the alligator boys now and the later they sent them to the bank should be going mom mom oh

Channel: Dry Bar Comedy

Views: 518,754

Keywords: Clean Comedy, Dry Bar Comedy, Stand Up Comedy, Worlds Largest Library of Clean Comedy, Rob Little, Rob Little Dry Bar Comedy, Rob Little Comedy, Rob Little Comedain, Dry Comedy Bar, Dry Comedy Stand Up, Clean Stand Up, Clean Stand Up Comedy, Clean Stand Up Comedy Clips, Clean Stand Up Comedy Routines, Clean Stand Up Comedy Full Show, Dry Bar Full Show, Not Politically correct, political correctness, cats, cat breeds, fancy cats, ten little indians, Playgrounds, monkey bars

Id: d2B_eqnEVqY

Length: 32min 4sec (1924 seconds)

Published: Sat May 01 2021