No One Is More Broke Than A McDonald's Employee. LeClerc Andre - Full Special

my teacher told me i had potential she says i don't think my mom let me celebrate halloween because she didn't want to spend the money on a costume every time i asked for something she was like you think money grows on trees huh we're poor i can't afford we can't afford costumes and candy and i'm like we we're poor i'm six i don't how did my decisions end up here huh how did you don't consult with me with the bills okay i'm not even old enough to work how are we broke i don't understand i don't even know my social security number right you're poor mom my teacher told me i have potential she says she says i could be anything i want to be you're poor mom you messed up i don't know what happened but don't shame me okay that's on you mama yeah my mom very very stingy when i was a kid i couldn't wait to start working man i was so happy to get a job when i was 14. started working at mcdonald's then i knew what poor was i was like oh this is what she was talking about i can't it was hard man i used to work at mcdonald's it's a terrible job but people used to complain all the time at mcdonald's can we agree as a room any complaint that you have at mcdonald's can be answered with it's mcdonald's right you know what you signed up for right diarrhea why are we why are you writing letters what's going on get upset at me they get really upset they're like sir excuse me i'm like you don't have to call me sir okay i'm a child like sir excuse me but somebody's taking a shower in the urinal okay i just thought you should know that i'm like yeah it's mcdonald's this ain't chick-fil-a right yeah it's not my pleasure to be here i'm a hostage okay i should i feel like that should be their slogan right this ain't chick-fil-a you want ice cream psych our machine is broken up [Laughter] just happy to make money man this is my job now i get to do comedy i love doing stand-up comedy yeah it's fun yeah i get to travel a lot which i like a lot i was in texas last week and uh yeah person there told me he doesn't see race to my face he told me i was like peekaboo hello what do you mean you don't see race right that's a crazy position to take right also like for the record white people have great vision top-notch i would argue the best vision of all the races you guys have seen things that no other race has ever seen you seen bigfoot that was you you see ghosts the movie la la land yeah great vision i tried to watch la la land the other day and netflix was like did you mean black panther i'm like no stop recommending hitting figures what's going on really good vision you guys be seeing stuff there's never been a ghost sighting in africa the whole continent weird right not one haunted hut not even [Music] [Laughter] we don't see ghosts the only ghost black people see is the holy ghost that's it you see it we catch it we dance and we let it go [Applause] but you guys have a great vision man you do i was really upset when he said that to me because at the time i was also dressed extra black right like i was wearing a do-rag and tims so even if he was like truly colorblind you can deduce [Laughter] like if i saw a guy and i was colorblind he was wearing an argyle sweater i'm like he's probably a white dude it's the white uniform right there [Laughter] if you don't know what a do-rag is uh sorry uh to fill you guys in the people who aren't laughing a durag is something a durag is something that black men wear to stop gentrification all right that's not why we wear them but i like to imagine a world where like that's our last line of defense that's how we keep our neighborhoods pure yes we see people coming to our neighborhoods we're like oh snap everybody do rags up okay everybody try to do it i need to flap in the back so you know i'm fast give me the flaps then we start dribbling imaginary basketballs making you guys nervous and then when you guys leave we go back to making almond milk from scratch what is a ghetto i don't know yeah now you guys know what do-rags are that's fine i've been studying about like white culture too that's a fun thing i like to do it's true i'm doing my research earlier today i wrote a yelp review i [Laughter] drinking white claw i'm doing stuff [Music] having a good time i just found out what seasonal depression was that's a good one you guys have been hiding seasonal depression calling out on mondays huh i didn't know it was a real thing i thought of something you guys made up from like not putting enough seasoning on your food but wrong seasoning my bad seasonal impression is a real thing man it's a very real thing i uh i have a i used to have a roommate uh years ago she uh she would leave me passive aggressive notes in my apartment i hated it it was the worst you sleep past regressive no she put a note on my door it said uh to whom it made concern [Laughter] karen okay just write my name who is to whom it's just me and you in this two-bedroom apartment you to whom it make concern wait do we have ghosts you have to tell me i can't see him myself okay do you have those tell me karen okay she would follow that up with uh with all due respect [Music] if you don't know that expression that's something people say right before saying something very disrespectful it's never something sweet after with all due respect be able to hurt your feelings i uh i'm happy to announce that this past summer i uh tied the night i got married yeah thank you yeah i don't have a joke about marriage it's just something my wife insists i say on stage now like make sure those women know okay he is off the market yeah got married man it's exciting getting married for the first time my first marriage it's a big deal i was so happy to get married for the first time my first wife is amazing you guys no she's great i love her to death she she's incredible she loves me with all of her heart she's supportive like my first wife is setting the bar so high she really is she's incredible like we hardly ever argue or fight the only thing she be like getting arguments about is that she doesn't like it when i call him my first wife but other than that we're great like perfect i love being married man i used to hate dating that was the worst i didn't care too much for dating i used to go on dates i went on a date with a co-worker once anyone here trying to get fired by hr that's how you do it well a day with a co-worker trying to canoodle with a co-worker that's what i was doing the day was bad it was really bad but it got really bad when the check came when the check came she was like you're not going to pick up the check i was like um you're my manager like no i'm not picking up the check heather okay you get paid twice as much as i do what are we talking about she's like well i can't be dating a broke man i was like oof well then promote me heather what's going on with the beat something give me a raise girl i uh i was raised by my mom she raised me all by herself and i didn't see anything wrong being raised by a strong single woman i didn't see anything wrong with it when i was a kid yeah she did her best you know she's broke but she did her best we could have used an extra salary dad but yeah she did her best man i i i really enjoyed growing up with my mom but i didn't have a lot of the perks that a lot of kids with dads had like i didn't get to watch my dad's favorite movie like scarface or godfather right growing up my favorite movie was the sound of music i know the whole soundtrack didn't get to watch basketball and football on sundays my mom made me watch her favorite sport which was figure skating i wish i could sit here and tell you guys how much i hate figure skating i love figure skating it's an incredible sport have you seen it oh my god the winter olympics i really didn't see anything wrong with it until i invited my friends over one day and they came up to my bedroom and they're like yo who's that who's that sexy girl on your wall i was like you mean kristy yamaguchi she's a queen two-time gold medalist oh i used to love christy yamaguchi she was my hero when i was a kid man i didn't want to be like mike i want to be like christy [Laughter] i really didn't see anything wrong with it until i was given an assignment by my teacher to dress up as our heroes [Laughter] [Music] my childhood was cruel it was terrible could you believe my mom who didn't let me celebrate halloween let me dress up as a figure skater and go to school let me put on a onesie a bedazzled onesie i went to school and i had to get my classmates to guess who i was first gus was prince that was the first test yeah i was like i'm a athlete prince i don't know what's going on it was one of the saddest days i was so upset that day and i remember being in front of class and seeing them start making all these gay jokes got really homophobic because kids are mean and i was getting upset i was sitting in front of my peers and i was really embarrassed and one of my classmates saw i was getting embarrassed and you saw my eyes watering up he stood up he was like hey what are we doing okay every day i go home to two dads and what the clerk just did man man that's the gayest thing it's the game thing i've ever seen guys and my dad sleep with the door open i don't know what's going on but take the feather out your hair leclair what are you doing you need a dad i got two i got an extra one you can have my extra dad i don't need but that really happened man i did my mom was so strict she's from haiti so my mom is a immigrant she loves america loves it so much she loves america she loves american expressions or idioms even if she doesn't know what they mean which is unfortunate she heard one american parent say when you get home that butt is mine and my mom was like oh oh what is this eh what is this expression there she looked at me she said look clerk when you get home your butthole is mine like excuse me she's like i brought you into this planet so i kill you i'm like now i'm like mom you're gonna lose custody if you keep saying that don't say that in public okay [Laughter] she tried though she tried her best my mom is trying to date now which uh which is bad she's trying to date online and uh you know the internet and my mom they don't really get along she tried a date online make an online profile and when i looked at her profile it was just a picture of a cat and uh yes we can that was her whole account she was like i don't know why anyone's not emailing me i'm like nobody wants to hook up with a cat mom why this is the first impression you're making she's like well can you help me with my online account i'm like yeah but first you need a picture do you have any pictures she's like no i'm like all right fine me and you we're gonna have a photo shoot yeah me and my mom photoshoot it was going well but halfway through it i found myself saying things that a son should never say to his mom i was like ooh you a bad girl go ahead mom looking good go hey show me some shoulder mom give me some shoulder right there oh you're gonna kill him you're gonna have a hot girl summer mom this is what you're gonna have her pictures turned out great she uh we went back home she uploaded her pictures and uh i was like all right mom i'll come back in a week and we're gonna see what emails you got and i came back a week later i'm like any dates what's going on she's like no i haven't i haven't emailed anyone back i'm like why not we we set up the thirst traps right all you gotta do is check the bait what are you doing mom she's like well english is my second language i'm not comfortable sending guys emails son can you can you send emails for me i'm like mom uh with all due respect hell no i'm not gonna send no emails for you crazy kidding me what do i look like she's like well we've come this far please i'm just trying i don't want to be alone i'm like all right mom i'll do this for you right so turns out i'm surprisingly good at flirting with 70 old men like these guys love me i don't know what it is they like christy yamaguchi i like christina it's a match made in heaven if i'm being honest i don't think that most of the guys that i matched with were good for my mom i know they weren't good enough for her my mom deserves the best you guys understand she deserves the best and then i met harold this angel harold oh my god he was different he really was he was the first guy to ask me about me you know what i mean he is really special i really liked harold i talked to harold for three months for my mom stay on course guys for my mom talk to her for three months and it was he's great man eventually i told my mom i was like mom i think i found the one like harold is perfect for us life he's great eventually he asked my mom out and i'm like mom this is your chance this is what you've been waiting for she was like i don't have anything to wear what do i wear i'm like mom don't worry about it let's go to the mall so we went to the mall she found this perfect dress she put it on uh it fit her like a glove she was like cinderella then she looked at the price tag and she was like ugh this is way too expensive i don't feel comfortable sitting and spending this much money son can you can you buy this for me my mom if i'm being honest with you she never wanted me to get into comedy she wanted me to be an engineer or or a scientist or a doctor she was so ashamed that i got into comedy because it was hard and i wasn't doing well at first and then i did a tonight show yeah yeah and my mom called me she was so happy she said son you know i always believed in you i know you didn't so this is my chance to pay it forward i'm finally doing better she's like son can you take care of this and i'm like you know what mom do you think money grows [Applause] on trees we are poor i don't know [Music] you guys have been so great my name is the clerk is [Music] you

Channel: Dry Bar Comedy

Views: 443,360

Rating: 4.8469806 out of 5

Keywords: Clean Comedy, Dry Bar Comedy, Stand Up Comedy, Worlds Largest Library of Clean Comedy, LeClerc Andre, LeClerc Andre Dry Bar Comedy, LeClerc Andre Comedy, LeClerc Andre Comedian, Dry Comedy Bar, Dry Comedy Stand Up, Clean Stand Up, Clean Stand Up Comedy, Clean Stand Up Comedy Clips, Clean Stand Up Comedy Routines, Clean Stand Up Comedy 2021, Clean Stand Up Comedy Full Show, Dry Bar Full Show, poor, We're poor, McDonald's, Chick fil A, money on trees, comedy, stand up, broke

Id: P_I7vsMsBb4

Length: 20min 44sec (1244 seconds)

Published: Tue May 04 2021