- Hey guys, well- (dramatic music) (whipping) (cheering)
(whistling) (goofy music) Uh, I'm too lazy to put them on the wall. So just, just pretend
they're a little bit higher. What if I just go like that, do the whole video here and just have, I just edit it to make it
look like they're up there. (upbeat music) Okay, welcome back to my channel. If you're new here,
what's up, how's it going? And if you're coming back,
what's up, how's it going? It's really good to see you again. (upbeat music) I hope you're doing well and I hope you like the new set up. See what happens when you
subscribe to my channel, you get an extra greeting at the beginning of every
single one of my videos, except for that one time. So press that subscribe button, for an extra greeting. All right, folks. (clap) So I'm sure you've seen this man all over the internet
in the last few weeks, he's sort of become
this big meme on TikTok. - I ain't never seen
two pretty best friends. - And I had a bunch of people
like sending me his videos, mentioning me in his comments, telling me to make a video about him, so. I went over there to see
what all the fuss was about. Did a quick fuss check on him. And yeah, this man is terrifying. (laughs) And I have so many questions
about this guy and his content. I thought we would just jump in, take a look at his videos and try to figure out what
his deal is. Together. (dramatic music) So this guys' name on
TikTok is jayrscottyy, but his real name is Jordan Scott. He's a model. Obviously, look at him. (moaning) There's some people you just
know, you know, you know, when you know, you know. You know? My guy has the sharpest
jawline I've ever seen, dude. He doesn't even use a knife
when he's cooking. Okay. He just puts the food down and- (metal music) (fancy music)
Bon Appetit! I shouldn't have done that.
That fucking really hurt. (crowd awwing) I couldn't find out like too much about this Jordan Scott Guy, but he's on this one modeling website. It says he's a male, age range, 0 to 24. He could be a little 4
year old. I don't know. That's why he hasn't seen
two pretty best friends. He hasn't been alive long enough. He just came out of his mommy's womb. (baby crying) We scroll down a bit, we see his skills are
football, soccer, basketball, Tae Kwon Do, and jump rope. - [Man] Wow. - Those are, those are
his only skills, I guess. I can't cook. I can't clean. Hell, I don't even know how to read, but if you give me a jump rope. (ominous music) Sorry, I don't know how to breathe. But Jordan isn't popular
for his modeling career. No, no, no. He is popular for making
probably the weirdest videos I've ever seen in my life. And you know, and I've
seen a lot of weird ones. Okay enough blabbing,
let's watch this TikTok. - I ain't never seen
two pretty best friends. It's always one of them gotta be ugly. - So this video has been
pretty heavily like memed over the last few weeks and rightfully so. He's got like this weird
filter on his eyeballs. He doesn't blink. (laughs) He doesn't blink for the
entirety of the video. And there's like no inflection
in his voice either. It's just, the whole thing is very, the whole thing is just giving me sliv- shivers, shivers, not slivers. The whole thing is
putting wood in my skin. The fuck, bro? It's just so weird. Like he doesn't look like a real guy. He looks like a guy you
would see in your dream and you wake up and you're like, whoa, but he's so confident in
saying this, you know, it's like, he's been alive
for thousands of years. Those eyes have witnessed everything. He's seen wars waged. He's watched all of his loved ones die. Signing of the Declaration of
Independence, he was there. The theft of the Declaration
of Independence, he was there. JFK assassination, he was there. Moon landing, he was there. But after seeing everything he could possibly see on Planet Earth, he still ain't never seen
- I ain't never seen two pretty best friends.
- Two pretty best friends. [Both] I ain't never seen friends. - The show. Is it good? And all of his videos are
like this, by the way, this isn't an anomaly. It's just him sitting in his car or just a car, I don't know, maybe he breaks in and films these. And he just recites quotes
that he finds on iFunny. Straight up. Like 99% of these, you
search them on Google and it shows up on iFunny. - If we're dating, you are
not getting tired of me. Go get you an energy drink. Had an A in her name, she for sure crazy. And let's not talk about if
she got two A's in her name. Nobody drinks more wine than a single girl with her own apartment - iFunny more like iScary. Because his eyes are scary.
I'm scared of his eyes. - I love me a woman
that could slay one day and then look homeless
the next. Balance, baby. - Okay. I love a girl who has a house one day and is homeless the next. Eviction, baby. Imagine if the 'balance,
baby' wasn't even related to what he said before. I love me a woman who could slay one day and look homeless the next. Balance, baby! (dance music) - [Jordan] Balance, baby. - It's a bird, it's a plane.
No, it's balance baby. The baby that can balance on anything. Holy fuck, that's so dumb. - Women swear they're broke. Then all of a sudden here
comes the UPS/Amazon truck. - Ah, yes. The UPS Amazon truck. Oh shit, I'm late for
my doctor's appointment. Let me get in my Toyota Honda car. Also, dude, like, I don't know, why are all, like all of his videos are just like slightly misogynistic. Well, not slightly. He's pretty upfront about it. No two girls are pretty. I like a girl who can do different stuff, cause not many of those exist, and women spend their money irresponsibly. Those are the boiled down
versions of the last three videos. He should have just done this. Yo straight up. Fuck women. All right, let's watch another one. - Take her car,
(dramatic thud) wash it and detail it, - Okay - Gas it up. - Okay. - And make sure you stick
a few dollars in there in her cup holder. - Okay, Jordan. Dude, where's my car? That's a good movie. No, where is my car? I took it. Why? MENalations 2:11, take her
car, wash it and detail it. Make sure to leave a few extra
dollars in the cup holder. Okay, well I need my car, Jordan. Okay. I'm already late for my job interview. When, when are you going to be back? I'm just around the corner. Okay. Fine. (car rumbling)
(brakes squeaking) (footsteps clicking) Finally. There you go! Thanks. That was nice of you, I guess. Oh wait, I forgot to gas it up! It's okay. I can get gas on the way home. Oh, you looking good, who's this? Oh, you're looking hot as fuck. Ho ho, beep beep,
(car beeps) I've never seen two pretty best friends, but I have seen one pretty car. Damn. What are you, what are you doing? I'm gassing it up. Balance baby. Whose baby is that? I don't know. Okay, let's watch another one. - Long behold you, if my
girl say she wanna see me, I'm canceling all my plans. I don't care who mad. Come here, pookie! - The hell is a pookie anyway? Why would you lock up your poo? (crowd booing) Poo key.
(lock clicks) (fart) - Long behold you. - I think he meant to say lo and behold. Well maybe it was long behold you. Like thousands of years
ago when he was growing up. But behold means to like
observe something, right? So long behold, he's just staring at you. Well, I mean, that's what he does. I'm long beholding you right now. Also, dude, I, look, when I see TikToks of people like filming themselves, like while they're driving their car, I think it's so funny to picture like them flipping the camera around and there's this, they're just driving down the opposite side of the road. They're just swerving all over the place and cars are coming at them. I haven't long beholded
the road in a while. I don't care who mad. (explosion)
(shout) Okay, so I was pretty confident in my theory that Jordan Scott
is thousands of years old and he has all the
knowledge of the universe. But after seeing this next TikTok, I'm a little, I might, I might be wrong. He very well could be a
science experiment gone wrong or like an alien sent here
to become a famous TikToker, because look at this next video. - So if you're in a relationship, is it cool to go 24 hours
without speaking to each other? - Like just genuinely asking a question because he has no idea. So if I'm in one of these
relationships and we kiss, does that mean we're
married? Also what's food? Let me know in the comments above. - [Voice] Below, below,
comments are below! - Or below, comments below.
- [Voice] Oh my god. - Oh yeah, also. Dude, this guy is truly something else. Someone commented on the two
pretty best friends video, and they said 'what
laboratory created you'. And I'm assuming, they're saying that like you're not a real
guy. You're terrifying. But his response to that was 'thanks'. So I guess he read that comment
and thought to himself, wow, this person thinks I'm so perfect, that I was created in a lab. Imagine having that much confidence, man, I can't imagine that. A stranger could literally walk up to me, look me dead in the eyes and go, sir, you look
really handsome today, okay. And I, I'd already be
halfway down the street because I get nervous
when strangers talk to me. So hats off to you, Jordan. - Book her a flight, tell
her don't bring no bags, - Kay. - Just pull up to the airport. And we go shopping when we land. Facts. (air horn blares) - I'm guessing this was
filmed before the pandemic, because I don't think going on, you know, just surprise vacations
is a very good idea. - Facts. - Well, actually on second thought, this man has lived through the Spanish flu and the Bubonic Plague, so he's, I'm sure he's
not scared of anything. - Facts. - Also, what awful advice. Right? I don't know if this is an
original quote of his or not, but imagine how that
would go in real life. Actually, no, don't imagine
it. I'm going to show you. Jordan. Hey Jordan. Hi. What's wrong? You told me to, you told me to hurry to the airport. What's, what's wrong. I booked us a flight! What? Where? To a different airport. Well, yeah, but where? Hey, don't worry about bags. We'll go shopping when we land. Jordan. (sighs) You know my first shift at my new job starts in like two hours. I barely even got the job
because I was almost late because somebody stole
my car for no reason and decided to gas it up. I said, we'll go shopping when we land. Oh, that'd be great, Jordan,
but we don't have any money. You spent it all on colored
contacts, all right? We're broke. We're fucking broke, Jordan. Women swear they're broke, then here come the UPS Amazon truck. (clicking)
(PA System plays) What? - [Jordan] I ain't never
seen- long behold you- balance baby! - Jordan, what's going on? - [Jordan] Balance baby!
Gas it up! Long behold you! - Uh. - [Alien] I ain't never seen
two pretty best friends. - I ain't never seen
two pretty best friends. (evil laughter) All right, well, that's all I can really
take, from this fella. Jordan, if you're watching this, I'd love to have you on my podcast. It's a legitimate podcast. I got my plaque for a
hundred thousand subscribers for the podcast channel. So I'd love to have you on, I have a lot of questions for you and just about just life and earth, you know, like who built the pyramids? What were dinosaurs like? So yeah, let me know. Okay. Let's hear a word from
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please press that like button, cause one like equals one poo key that I will send to your door and you'll be unlocking
shit boxes all day. (farting) Uh, leave a comment. Let me know what you thought. Let me know your theories about this guy and yeah, let's get him
let's get him on my podcast. I would love to have him. You can subscribe to the
channel. That'd be great. And as soon as you subscribe, you become a valued citizen of Curtistown. If you didn't know, Curtistown is the best
place to live in the world and I'm the mayor. So you have to be nice
to me. It's the law. and yeah, check out my
podcast Very Really Good, it's a weekly podcast, it's a great time. If you like my videos, I'm
sure you'll like my podcast. All right, these will be up on the wall by the next video, okay? I got to go. Sorry. I would stick around, but
I have to take her car, wash it and detail it, gas it up and leave a few
dollars in the cup holder. Bye. (dramatic music) (honk)
I ain't ever seen two pretty best friends...
This is probably my favorite Kurtis video yet, he nailed the skits like always