Best of the Worst: Plinketto #9

and we're back well jack we're here today with another plinketto episode of best of the worst i can't really recall the last fling kettle episode hmm this is a [ __ ] nightmare holy [Music] uh but our first film who killed captain alex by the walk hollywood film company yes uh of course this is a famous famous b movie which we have never watched it's true very excited and a very inspiring story about people uh making a action-packed special effects heavy movie on less than no budget sure sure everybody knew wisconsin is famous for snow and the space cups wow i know which kind of space cup is the best movie ever made our next film is the suckling he'll always be mommy's little mutant they'll always be mommy's little mutants yeah this is a story about rich evans [ __ ] you [ __ ] you so what's next mike it's another film about rich evans evil spawn [Music] i can't even look at them yeah i can't even look at them i won't make eye contact that's that's that's smart uh next up is the howling two two it's not over yet the next movie is brian bosworth stone cold oh that's it and next is the center of the plinketto board which is dropper's choice yes yes i hope to land on that uh because i just said the ball rarely lands in the middle and i am very excited to watch space jacked uh spaceships guns babes screaming what else what else can you ask for uh it's got it all it's got i know it's gonna have it all next is ice cream man and i think haven't we done this on an episode already definitely not no you don't think no i think why am i remembering just watching it and doing a whole discussion that's so weird starring uh clint howard uh famous star trek alumni and brother of director ron howard yes the more handsome are of the howard brothers women love that then deformed head of his yes yes misshapen maybe misshapen is the kind word for deformed right is that the more peace eater i feel like i can't talk about people's shapes head because mine's very egg like a normal hat first of all thank you i appreciate that miss chapin deformed our offensive words it's differently shaped differently shaped but then exactly that implies that a sense of normalcy that they are not involved in so that is also not very shaped head he has a shaped [Laughter] mike i prefer the term alternatively handsomely alternatively handsome is that what you've been called rich alternatively handsome that's what my mom says about me uh next is dungeon master oh that's such a generic title i i thought we would have watched this by now i think i confused this with beastmaster sure uh and one of the millions of dungeon movies that we have on the shelves um you know we'll try to if we do watch this we'll try to limit our number of uh critical fail or nat one right right right yes uh next is disintegration why don't you go ahead and take a look at this box jack oh no what do we know we're not going to land on it so this is a blind pick this is a blind pin this is we pulled it off the shelf we looked at the back okay and we just said let's roll the dice on this one and lastly a film that predates best of the worst a classic uh movie night movie blood shack this is the trooper the film also known as the trooper and this is the film that inspired the phrase shooting the rodeo what a lineup what a spectacular what a marvel we have before it's amazing it truly is uh and it's gonna be a great time yes it's going to be a great day let's not even watch any of these i'm so happy with just seeing the covers we don't even need to watch it all right yeah all right we'll see you later seems great where do i leave is there an exit well jack why don't you drop the first ball i'd love to this is a ball oh there's creepy things back here [Music] oh that's a good one [Music] hello puppy mike i know i i have nothing to do with this yeah i'm gonna make a distraction okay you put in space jacked i've wasted 19 minutes of our lives i'm just gonna go get something oh rach what are you doing [Music] oh [Music] on your first attempt i landed on space jacked everybody and welcome to the star princess interactive dining menu please enter your selection why why the ladies just saw that lady i'm so happy to be there well rich this is drop two do your best jay you've you've put our fate in my hands i want you to think about that well what do you what do you want it to land on and think about this think about this wisely okay because what you wanted to land on whatever i wanted exactly i definitely want to watch disintegration okay that's great that is my pick it's totally gonna [ __ ] land on disintegration now i really want to land on disintegration man just there go all right [Music] what is it what is it what is it dungeon master oh damn rich we didn't land on disintegration we didn't land on it oh oh it failed [Music] uh the dungeon master he is the overlord of strange beast and stolen souls richard mull the sword and the sorcerer night court oh they do listen to my card i was going to say if they don't list night court that's totally the order i'd put that in too right he should just he shouldn't even go by his name he should just go by bull when he acts in other things bull from night court will be his official credit and jeffrey byron starring this futuristic thriller about an evil wizard who wanders the galaxies in search of a formidable opponent to play his brutal and very deadly game so we're we're mixing sci-fi and fantasy here okay okay and we're going to start in uh contemporary la and we'll spend 50 of the movie in a guy's apartment yeah either that or wandering around the woods well that'll be the first part of the movie the fantasy part no it'll start modern la then the fantasy will be him in the woods it'll be griffith park and then he'll go to a post-apocalyptic world and it'll be the desert see i think we're going to start the fantasy land which will be the forest preserves near la okay and then they're going to get in their spaceship which will be made out of cardboard and then that will crash in downtown l.a okay that's what i think whatever they can do to keep the budget down [Music] it's thrown in any direction doesn't matter oh no i feel bad for him [Music] oh poor guy goblins [Applause] [Music] what what what oh it created a bit of a gravity well because einstein understood that gravity and time space uh intersected with each other that made perfect sense i'm sure that's what happened okay mike it is all up to you now i'm gonna do my best save the night you do your best to let random chance be random i'm gonna try really hard [Music] the suckling [Music] i'm gonna do it again if i do it again [Music] very little on the back oh okay one sentence after a woman goes to a back alley abortion clinic that's how we want any movie to start uh her aborted fetus attacks her her boyfriend and everyone else at the place that's the place you know we only needed one sentence on the back of this box and that was it after a woman goes to a bachelor abortion clinic her aborted fetus attacks her her boyfriend and everyone else at the place that's like that's like if you're just lazily describing a movie to your friend and then it always says he'll always be mommy's little mutant uh wow i have so many emotions right now and and they're all horror yeah well let's go watch the suckling [Music] do we have to i don't know what to say except the strangest thing i ever heard why did they get the wackiest looking people to be in the doctors because they're the ones they could afford because they said we're making a movie about an aborted fetus monster and these are the ones that said okay all right sure your voice is an anomaly i know i know there's nothing we can do to fix it or make it more palatable or fit into some sort of range no it does whatever it wants to do put all the compression on it you want it he'll still break it it's amazing i know so people that yeah people that complain about that like can you lower rich's audio when he laughs we do sometimes it doesn't make a difference i lower it as low as it goes and it still is there i muted it and you could still hear it i don't know how it works rich you've been you've been giving cats nightmares for you i hate cats it's fine which others you really [ __ ] with my cat anyways welcome to another episode of best of the worst right yeah yeah that's still the name of the show that's what this show is the green table flincado oh yeah yeah yeah yeah breath of the wild yes legend of zelda we're going on an adventure today through the genres mike well jack since your name is in the title why don't you tell us all about space jack i would love to tell you about space jack a space jack is the story of a luxury space ship that gets taken over by luxury it's a story of a cardboard box that's that's full of leaves and feathers and feathers the story of an unused spaceship set somewhere in los angeles [Laughter] the real question is why is there dust everywhere like they blew through drywall because spaceships are made with drywall they still have to you don't know what spaceships are made of it's true no winner i won an award most creative use of cardboard i'm so proud of this production and plastic parts from a junkyard most unexpected use of feathers [Laughter] what is that feathers what the [ __ ] in space jacked jack is trying to explain that corbin bernstein uh burnsen roger he's not a corbin corbin berenstein bear jack it's bear stein hello he he takes over the ship because it's full of billionaires and he has a plan to kind of disable the ship hold the billionaires hostage to get a bunch of money um so uh the intro to the movie is uh is the opulent billionaire party in which we see people judge knees oh yeah yeah that's a weird start edward tuban from sioux falls idaho has the knobby sneeze in outer space look the guy was offering ecstasy pills or virtual reality porn the older older people are into the knee-judging contest when given the choice the combination of these things make the cruise part of this completely irrelevant yes both of them you could do in your shitty studio apartment yeah you don't need to go on a luxury cruise oh this wasn't a shitty studio apartment i mean that's where they shot it sure [Music] oh they did the doodly doo they actually did it yeah our sexual fantasy has to be raped by a caveman oh my god it is apparently how embarrassing is how embarrassing for everyone oh and she's in the middle like of the public square yeah that's the real thing she didn't take the vr goggles back to her private quarters or anything right it's the future they're all just they're all just uh out and open about this kind of thing you didn't fix monica miles up with a vr fantasy did you what of it but she's an addict been through detox and everything she's the big girl she's addicted to getting [ __ ] by cavemen in classic roger corman fashion we get two sets well three if you count the hallway i guess the one hole the one hallway yeah you're right that's like a shovel it's it's yeah inside the ship well don't forget the the captain of the space freighter his cockpit i mean that was oh yeah that's quite a set they literally just shot it in a junkyard well it feels like a subpar generic action movie that they decided later in in like the pre-production process to say let's set it in space because it could be yeah set on a cruise ship or on a fancy plane or something they decided let's make it in space you're gonna go far in this business after you hey thanks for all your help [Laughter] roger corman had a spaceship set already for like eight of his other movies yeah make it on this set and it will cost me less money says roger corman can we get corbin bernson for an afternoon okay uh he was on star trek the next generation roger corbin oh no he probably was he's in silence of the lambs roger corman he is yeah he's in it george romero's in it getting back to the shitty movie uh yes this is a very action schlocky movie without any of the budget for the fun schlock well they have the fight scene at the end and then they have my favorite sequence in the movie the explosion and subsequent disaster sequence which is that's hilarious that is the standout like sequence of the movie that's where the movie falls apart literally two one blast off [Music] all right now you can't pull too hard why do they feel the silly blue rocks [Music] everyone get on the big set [Laughter] [Music] oh no oh no nothing happened [Music] with every edit it takes like a half a second before something bad happens yeah so like are you are you filming [Music] he's putting a bug zapper on his face why are you doing that the the poseidon adventure moment because that's kind of what this reminds me of a bunch of rich people on a yacht or cruise space cruise ship they're going on a cruise to the moon and it cost them a million dollars each to be on it in the most terrible looking set with the worst host the guy with the blue hair yeah and the microphone and oh it's just so dirty it looks like the space cop uh moon mirror oh yeah it was like terrible windows they paid a fortune to go on this junky ship um and then corbin bernsen sets off a bomb or rather he has an android set off a bomb who does it incorrectly and it blows up the whole ship right mostly much to the help of the budget it blows up all of the potential cast not see that coming do you think that was just unrelated footage of their son falling apart we got some rewrites for you we had all the cameras rolling now hold on to your seats everybody it's getting nothing but boring yeah hey we got excitement it's an action movie where our action heroes don't have anything actually need to do like see virtual reality like sex addiction lady that should have came into play later where she tricked corbin bernstein into having virtual reality sex if a character has a strength or a quirk you use they use it later in the film to the advantage of the story yes instead of the end a guy just punches corbin bernsen that's true and then lets toxic gas into the room so corbin brunson freezes freezes and then he left the set so they still needed shots where his character would be in the background so they just put a crew member under his sheet because carmen runs to the left he's [ __ ] favorite part one of the neat aspects of this being as low budget as it is is they have like anti-gravity moments you know they have moments where the characters are in zero g and like floating around and they're shot shockingly well yeah yeah i think we figured out how they did it how they like hung them from the ceiling and they just had the whole set kind of sideways or whatever but it's not bad it works really well yeah yeah and far cheaper than apollo 13. they skimped on the budget for the helmets that they wear when they're in space i like how it just goes on the shoulders there's no like sealant it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it's not it's a helmet [ __ ] it go go go watch him put it on with nothing uh underneath it yep it looks like one of those like old-timey diving helmets yeah so that zero g scene there was a an incredible zero g scene where they had to climb the outside of the spaceship that given just like 10 more dollars could have been super exciting and intense but um closest we get to any kind of tension in this movie [Music] i can't grab anything for some reason fingers stopped working oh you have to close your hand i've never been to space before a special note needs to be paid to corbin bernson's performance he well yeah this was like i'm gonna do whatever i'm here for a day and a half i'm just gonna have fun with it is this some sort of [ __ ] android revenge you think you're human now you're not inching along a lot of people watching this might not realize that this man was one of the biggest stars on one of the biggest network shows 30 years ago it's not like it's not like this is just a nobody this is somebody who can theoretically act there's a whole graveyard filled with movies of actors that have passed their prime that do [ __ ] like this it's not surprising but but long enough for him to actually forget how to act no he just didn't care no he knows how to act he just doesn't give a [ __ ] watching this what i'm saying is watching this you would not realize that this is a man who can in fact act right he's he's entertaining himself to the detriment of the movie i would say that he's chewing the scenery but i know he doesn't like the taste of cardboard trying styrofoam better cardboard is more hard consonants styrofoam and hot glue yeah yeah cardboard cardboard's funnier punches more styrofoam i would say legos he doesn't like the taste of legos because the set made of well legos of bad though the the ship that they get onto at the very end of this is somehow even worse looking than our main spaceship set it looks like backstage at a high school theater production yeah there's just shitless stuff what do we got left over it just looks like right over there yeah yeah it looks like the corner of our studio brooms and some wall some flats your goddamn android i programmed you what for some reason our main villain is now wacky yeah they made the decision to make him uh well like a home alone villain yeah and this dreadfully serious uh science fiction film i would like to make a special note of the weird-ass soundtrack the real star of the film not corbin bernsen it's the birdman score [Music] [Music] it evolves over the it starts with literally one string on a violin just then you get the congo drum then you get a counter drop the congo drum why not and then it turns into literal arty farty [ __ ] birdman drum solo only soundtrack improvisational jazz yeah there's a trumpet then there's a guy cleaning the reed for the uh [Music] like tuning something corman was like that was perfect he said oh i wasn't even playing anything i was just uh tuning up my instrument oh that's great then i don't have to pay you because it's already in the film we're moving on we have to score carnosaur three this afternoon that is ten minutes of your service here is your coupon to subway i bet you this is some labs in connosaur3 it's not necessarily space it might be science labs [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] is so strong i think i think they were going for like unhinged bad guy but but the score the score throws what is what threw it off we spent less time rolling around in a spray painted office chair more time trying to get bank account numbers he might have been more successful i'm glad we never saw die hard starring corbin burns would have just rolled his office chair right out the window john mcclane never even has to reach for the gun john mcclane had just taken his shoes off and he just hears somebody oh wow what a weird christmas party this is honey anyway back to the movie oh look space checked ain't got nothing on the dungeon master dungeon master why don't you tell us all about it rich the the dungeon master is aka rage war aka rage war uh there's a computer nerd who has all of the technology like he has he has magical uh glasses he predicted tons of things that are now common technologies google glass his glasses are basically google glass yeah he's got a fitbit he's got a he's got a fitbit and he he can use this technology to manipulate stop lights yes which is you know not accurate today but still oh also he invented siri how was my time three minutes over yesterday so he goes home to his girlfriend and froze his door and then she turns him down because he's a computer nerd even though even though all this hot tech he's sitting on we know this man's gonna be a multi-billionaire within a decade even beyond that rich he has a stable job and looks to be in he's a healthy man with a stable job and they seem to have a good relationship who cares if he's a tech nerd if that's his job she's jealous of the computer yes yes that's important to note it's not because he's a computer nerd it's she's jealous it's true that's true she's jealous of the computer and then they're kidnapped by satan then that happens it's important to phrase it that way because it just happens there's no setup for it it opens with a fantasy scene and then he has another fantasy sequence and then immediately after he has the other dream satan teleports him to hell yes i don't believe this [Music] so he had a dream about a fantasy or a fantasy world and then he got sucked into his computer to a fantasy world wait so this just happens i guess yeah no hinting there's no likes like you don't start the movie on like like the creepy hand scrying i need to find my next job oh that was a great yeah this computer nerd looks to be a worthy adversary yeah satan just shows up that's bold from nightcore oh it's man it's [ __ ] yeah it's [Laughter] but he has selected what's his name did computer just calm computer nerd yeah he selects computer nerd as his his next opponent because computer nerd has this wonderful new magic yeah because satan sees that the computer google glasses and everything as some form of magic yes it's actually kind of an interesting little setup here where he's like i have witnessed you have mastery over this new magic technology so you are worthy opponent like that's that's interesting i'm okay with that well that's that's what they have is an interesting concept they don't flesh it out into an interesting story yes yeah well the the the the bad part too is like this is not an interesting concept right no um this is an interesting concept but it also has the ability like the it has the props and the monsters and like this is just no like so the sets are so bad um but this like some of the stuff in here is neat well i think it's the zombies look great yeah well like we talked about with space jacks like the theory that oh they had existing sets so they just shot a movie on it yeah uh dungeon master it's important to point out is directed by like six or seven different people yeah it's a bunch it's a series of little vignettes challenges satan gives them the setup is satan says that computer nerd has to go through seven different challenges and every every challenge is a little little mini movie directed by somebody else yeah and it feels like because this is produced by charles band and a lot of the directors or people that he's worked with before on movies like you know ghoulies and puppet master and all this [ __ ] and it feels like a lot of things that they already had like laying around we see at one point uh john carl beakler our ip directed one of the segments and he just flat out reuses his little google puppet from he's like death stalkers demon goblin yeah it's the exact same puppet from death stalker uh one shows up well yeah that's what it feels like though where it's like hey we have all these things we have access to the band [Music] wasp [Music] new director so what's the challenge here just to listen to the music so one of the challenges is like facing the rock and roll demon guys there's nothing to do with fantasy or anything but we know the bandwagon they did a music video for ghoulies too so let's throw them in here this sucks no no this is something special yes yeah this is great the girl is always in in peril in every scenario for some reason because i guess if he doesn't complete the challenges they go to hell right that's the threat he gets both of their souls yeah uh the guy who is a computer nerd and he should have been a game programmer oh yeah yeah i'm really hard on programming this fantasy game where you you know you go through these challenges and you fight these monsters and then satan says he makes a deal with satan for our escape you can challenge all these mortals via these games and all over the world people will be playing and and i'll keep satan busy for millennia yes right or like i have a challenge for you i've made a game you have to play in my game something some fun clever twist so they punch each other just like this one that is the major that is like the first major problem with this there is nothing clever about any of the challenges yeah he doesn't have to solve puzzles and it's always shoot the laser he he needs to be with somebody he can talk to yeah it's weird that he's just silent through the whole thing yes give him a sidekick and he can say things like well what do we need to do in this challenge i don't know dan then then you know they could formulate a plan execute the plan maybe have to improvise along the way yeah yeah you know like what would happen in a movie maybe maybe maybe the the girlfriend isn't kidnapped maybe she's with him mm-hmm and she learns about computers can he has to use it on his arm and he learns that she has some useful skills as well yeah sometimes you can't always rely on your computer get it lying good old-fashioned human intuition that's right it's like you've seen a movie in the fantasy land his computer cal is an armband his computer armbands right and it serves the same purpose every single time he uses it which oh it shoots a laser well the problem is he ends up in scenarios where computer technology doesn't exist so there's nothing for the computer to interact with like during that car chase the closest thing i could think of well there's the real life scenario which he does use to disable the police locks on the the car door remember that was like a non-laser i'm trying to think of non-laser applications of this armband but everything else is just like like ghouls and goblins kind of stuff sword and sorcery where a computer is not applicable whatsoever yes not einstein or leftovers from madame tussauds that closed yeah looks like every criminal in the world is here and einstein for his crimes against god [Music] he's just waiting for it take that jack the ripper oh my god the mummy [ __ ] you mummy the mummy the wolfman and einstein history's greatest monsters this guy he is he's fit he's in shape he jogs he's a handsomish leading actor man and he's already dating the girl and or getting married sure she's not quite sure about marriage because she's a little jealous of computer but what you do is you have the the cheerleader type who is kind of like oh that's the neighbor kid you know he's he's kind of nerdy oh well i really like computers yeah but but she still has a little soft spot for him oh you're kind of cute you know you know you know where i'm going with yeah and um someday i'll get a you know he's not he's not he's not hideously ugly like most nerds what i call movie glass is ugly right he's he's he might be kind of normal but he's got the glasses with the tape in the middle and he doesn't quite know what to do around the girls and he's into computers and then she ends up in this in the in the in the hellscape with satan and she's like it's you you're here you're the hero right right i'll show you and then throughout the course of the movie eventually he'll lose his glasses he might gain some courage and some strength and then he'll prove to her that he is indeed a hero on the inside and out punching satan sure well no we don't do that he outsmarts sure you do something more yeah you don't but but that's like the kind of the typical 80s like set up right you don't have like handsome football jock man as a computer nerd also and that's that's i will say this movie we're talking about everything that gets wrong the fact that it gets all these things wrong and it is so blunt and stupid is what makes it entertaining in its own right it does it has a bit of a charm to it premise alone is so great they really fumbled it but that's a lot to me that's the charm though the fact that they they just went with the dumbest most simplistic thing for every possible idea makes it fun absolutely i shall destroy you i reject your reality and i substitute my own hey that's something i know that sounds familiar what is that from i reject your reality and substitute my own we we do know that there's at least two fans of this movie one being jj abrams because he cast the lead actor in a very minor role in star trek oh nine how the hell did that kid beat your test and the other being adam savage of mythbusters that's right yes the famous quote it's a famous quote to somebody and i guess it is to adam savage it's it's a line that he said on mythbusters that became very very popular but apparently it originated right here in the dungeon masters well i see i didn't even know the adam savage connection i just heard the line in the movie i was like i know that from somewhere yeah it's it's out there in the pop culture it'd be like if if we like in uh in space jack if someone said yolo you know like we're just like that's weird yeah i know that yeah that's so high that shouldn't be a thing yet why are they saying that here i offer you freedom and well sufficient to create your own empire he became donald trump this is the trump backstory i reject your reality and substitute oh my god [Music] oh my god there's no way i can fight this man he's too large [Music] [Music] that's something it can do thanks kel hey what made a little rod for mcgregor that would have been really cool for like a challenge earlier on i guess we're stuck here in hell oh you're right i knew that was what was gonna happen back to the apartment and even though the devil is now dead and no longer has the ability to teleport them back home they teleport back home and more importantly the girlfriend realized the importance of the computer and said yes to marrying the hero why didn't you tell me it could shoot lasers i would have married you years ago well considering that the computer was the one that drew the attention of satan i think that would have been reason enough for her to leave him right like she became a she became like a born-again christian after that i'm out of here she became amish after that i knew california was going to be weird i'm moving back to jersey to star in the suckling i'm gonna yeah that sounded like a segway if i'd ever heard one no please stand by for a message from our sponsors from loot crate [Laughter] another aborted idea [Laughter] i reject your reality and substitute my own so trigger warning yeah trigger trigger warning i don't all of the triggers all of the triggers like it's uh about an aborted fetus that turns into a mutant and kills people so there's going to be some abortion talks a little bit of rape a little bit of rape talk yeah there's all the badness in this red letter media content warning all of it we're very sorry but this is the movie we watched this is a red letter media first we've covered a lot of [ __ ] up things you want to give them a time code if if you're easily oh just shut the video off it's utter it's sleaze it's it's completely it's intentionally tasteless it's what they were going for well like an abortion let's just get right into it [Laughter] i will say though it is weird because once you get past the initial setup the rest of the movie is a below average monster movie but that initial setup is quite a doozy oh boy [Music] what the [ __ ] what what what is this the brothel it just looks like a hospital oh i would hate that it's a hospital heck with it let's just watch the trooper but i i i i i'm i'm i was the one that read the back of this box and i was shocked by the simplicity on the vhs the whiteness of it yeah we happen to have a blu-ray um the the vhs was one sentence the blu-ray is like five paragraphs there's a lot on the blue right here although this is vinegar syndrome so the second one is probably about the transfer or something yeah it is it is yeah um i don't know if i should read this or would it help if you read it um as a quick synopsis oh sure because that might help okay get this over with as quickly as we can after being tricked oh that's right that's a part of it too after being tricked into having an abortion he's like that's not yeah the [ __ ] man at big mama's underground abortion clinic slash brothel it's a one-stop shop it's your first time kid yes yes it is at a brothel or an abortion clinic hey princess does he do all your talking for you you're just too good to speak to me i'm sorry janine's talking to you i'm sorry annie putts take it from me it's no big deal picking up and dropping off a young woman's extracted fetus is flushed into the sewer system wherein it's exposed to toxic waste and begins to mutate into an ever-growing and increasingly bloodthirsty monster the girls john's and other assorted weirdos find themselves trapped inside the brothel where they're forced to face off against the agitated uh prenatal creature as well as each other in a high-stakes quest to stay alive or at least in one piece shot entirely in flushing new york [Music] well the the setup is weird because yeah yeah take it away jay well okay so they go she goes the the main character who may or may not even have a name i don't even know um she goes there with her jock boyfriend to the abortion clinic but they go there and it turns out she goes into the room they tell the boyfriend to wait out in the waiting room yeah like cd yeah yeah they're like only only you know you have to stay out here only she's she thinks she's just going to talk to them she says it's really weird yeah she says i don't want an abortion i want to keep it but i'm here just to to please appease my boyfriend she wants to talk about options with the ladies she brings up maybe having the baby and giving it up for adoption and she's trying to please the boyfriend he's forcing her to go here yeah but he has an ulterior motive yeah we cut to the basement where he is paying extra to make sure that they give her a super abortion um child i don't need your money i own this big house and i'm living good i just like i'm in it for the passion there's no eyes no ears no fingers it ain't human i think she wants to lie about having it and this lady says tough titty toenails i'm giving you an abortion so she's getting an abortion against her will what a weird business model big mama turns out she's not just in this for the money she's not just performing a service to people she just apparently likes giving abortions and will give them against your will yes yes she's a true villain that is not treated like a villain no after that after that initial setup she's just treated as a victim like everybody else right oh we should feel bad that big mom is in trouble same with the boyfriend yeah who is giving his girlfriend an unwanted abortion yeah there's no no sort of moral consequences to any of this and then boyfriend almost kind of takes on the protagonist role after this yeah phil what's going on look everything's going to be all right relax honey you have a good boyfriend what um okay so tonal swaps this movie shows a bloody little aborted fetus yes before that there is a comedy scene in which a man has a dildo stuck up his ass and to show that he enjoys it the beanie that he is currently wearing on his head the propeller beating yeah spins yeah this is what happens when sam remy meets john waters i i don't know you guys mentioned the john waters thing but i don't feel like most of this movie has a sense of humor about itself i think it thinks it has a sense of humor i don't know it's very it's very weird because because going back to the yeah we follow up the the the propeller beanie scene with the abortion scene which is not played as funny it's not like they're going for like troma shock value humor or anything but then we cut two they take the the boarded fetus and they flush it down the toilet but that's not presented as com no no it's disgusting i don't know if it's supposed to be funny because i mean the idea is so absurd no it's presented so matter-of-factly the fishing line is funny that's not where poop goes not in a storm drain it's a different system but that's okay for for an establishment that that aborts fetuses apparently late-term fetuses flushing them down the toilet isn't the best way to dispose of the baby because it's going to clog up the pipes i mean it's just it's childish look they've been at this for a while they know what they're doing they're the experts not you mike big mama knows what she's doing they got a really good toilet system but it's gross it's it's literally like stomach churning grows yeah sure because it kind of really looks until it becomes deformed by the toxic waste it really looks like it like a dead baby well the [ __ ] up thing is once it goes down into the sewer even before the toxic waste falls on it it's moving around yeah it's still alive yeah oh look oh my god it's crying it's alive somehow and it's like little chest is breathing yeah and it's making noise cut too so like that's like a serious disturbing imagery cut to a comedy scene in which big mama is un bending the coat hanger that she used for the abortion with the goops she's pulling flesh off of it and then she uses it to hang her coat on that's like the most like edge lordy joke in the movie yes that's uh edgelord very like ooh am i pushing your buttons but it's kind of just that part yeah but but one detail i'm sure you'll show a clip of it but she doesn't even properly fully clean off the hanger i think that's supposed to be funny yeah that's that's kind of like where it's just taking it way too far where it's like is this supposed to be funny is this supposed to shock you is that she's so sloppy is that the point is that she just doesn't care she's been doing it so much i know the it's supposed to shock you that she's reusing the coat hanger like that's not something you would see in a mainstream movie we're pushing the envelope [Laughter] [Music] that is the cutest most disgusting thing at the same time i don't know how to feel about this it's weird and the coat hanger yeah like see this is like this is tasteless but in a arty way um the coat hanger yeah coat hanger gag and the dildo gag are like that's a different movie and then the rest of the movie is a standard monster movie yes [Music] where was it hiding below a frame with with confusing plot developments some weird logic with with the house not being able to get out of it [Applause] yeah why can't they just go outside yeah it's like they knew like well we have this location the whole movie's going to take place here why why don't they just leave oh the door won't open i'm just i'm just picturing like the guy who's holding like the boom mic he just says well why doesn't everyone just leave the house and then there's just like this awkward silence where everyone just like looks at each other the guy opens up the script and just hold on well they established one window has i'm assuming it's supposed to be like placenta or something and it's covering up the whole window so they can't get out through the window they don't establish that on the door but when they do get out of the door eventually we discover a maze of of fabric joanne fabrics just exploded [Music] [Applause] we sweat it down [Music] he's in the placenta zone which is made up of ropes i mean especially if you're making a movie like this where clearly part of the intention is to shock and gross you out and then they gave up on that after the first 10 minutes but yeah if you're you're having your character crawl through this like sinewy gooey like womb make it gross and and and to counterbalance that or to counter that the monster looks great [Music] i think what i liked even more than the final monster was the transformation sequences because they keep cutting back to the sewer the monster is is of course an aborted fetus that gets flushed on the toilet somehow ends up there's toxic waste in the backyard that drips down into the storm drain it gets dripped on by the toxic waste but then we cut we don't know why the toxic waste is back there and if it's been back there for a while how has this never happened before look they're an abortion clinic slash brothel they're probably also tripling as a toxic waste dump an unauthorized toxic waste dump on the side big mama is an entrepreneur sure you want to dump your toxic waste in the bank yeah i'd fight maybe maybe just a day before jay that toxic waste barrel was 10 feet away and somebody pulled in their nasty pickup truck to come get an abortion and they banged it with their car rolled it right next to them we should have seen that that would have been a good scene a client left was so happy with their bj that they were like they weren't painted oh what did i hit oh well i'm so happy cause i had a bj right speaking of troma that's the setup in the toxic avenger it's it's these two guys driving a truck filled with toxic waste barrels in the back the main guy who becomes a toxic avenger he works at this health clinic and they decide to stop to like do cocaine and they happen to do it right in front of the uh the the place where he works so he set it all up and there's a toxic waste so when he falls out the window he lands in the toxic waste it's not just toxic waste that's there for no reason yeah a backstory motivation for why the toxic waste barrel was dripping into the storm drain onto the aborted fetus is important but i'm still trying to get to that transformation we have four or five cutbacks to the transformation and and he's getting bigger and his eyes are opening up little tentacles are coming out of his arm and it's crazy an umbilical cord shoots out of his stomach right yeah yeah that's his weapon his umbilical it's umbilical oh they attempted to do a reverse photography thing but it didn't quite work [Music] oh whoa what that happened somehow pulled her head down so hard that it decapitated her our what should be our protagonist which kind of turns out to be the case at the end is our main girl who is i think a college student they keep calling them college boy they seem like high school kids the main girl who is in the movie so little we don't know her name her occupation her backstory where she's from what she hopes for in life where she was for half the movie well the boyfriend has i think he's wearing like a letterman jacket so we're going to assume high school or college obviously she's his boy girlfriend so blah blah blah but she's the abortion victim she's the the source that's a weird way to put it yes she is an abortion she is she got an abortion against her will yes this is not us making a judgment on abortions in general in this case disclaimer typically an abortion victim would be a baby but in this case she is an abortion victim in a different sense i guess technically you're correct but yeah we're just being we're just being honest here this is the movie this is the movie that we saw and we're discussing it unfortunately um but yeah she disappears throughout the whole movie and that is your starting point because you uh likened her to barbara from night of living dead i got so afraid i ran i [Music] ran how could you do this yes who is is basically comatose catatonic from most of the movies but they established that and we know that here she's just not in scenes and i was like where is she right what courage [Music] where's the the main girl the one who had the abortion yes that's a great question she's at school oh you mean while they're filming yeah i'm just thinking like she's the one that had the abortion you think they would be building up some sort of like she has a connection with it or something yeah i don't think they're gonna say that this is the best of the worst be careful also like they've completely just forgotten about her in the movie yeah she's just gone not anywhere where's she at in this house [Music] when the monster finally comes face to face with the mother it it doesn't know what to do or has sympathy it's like alien resurrection where it kind of feels sad and then ripley knows the best thing to do is to kill it yeah because she can't allow it to get to earth right and that could kind of be the ending with the girl is the whole point of the movie she didn't want to get an abortion now she has to kill it to save other people because it's going to keep getting bigger and bigger [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] it turned into a marionette why didn't they use the other puppets i don't know maybe they lost it they lost the prop i think like the real point of all of this is that there was no there was no urgency to any of the characters and there was no connection to the chara from the characters to the monster where it's like really that was the story is like the main girl's relationship with the monster because at the end of the day most horror movies are monster as metaphor right godzilla nuclear power both good and destructive discuss godzilla and so here you have an opportunity to discuss like the greater fear of motherhood the fear of motherhood the responsibilities the danger of having a pregnancy too early the danger of bodily harm blah blah like there is a lot of danger of a back alley abortion exactly like there is meat on this particular bone and i really hated saying that i'm so sorry i know exactly what footage i'm going to overplay or you saying oh no so are they going to attempt to rape her no the monster but come out the fetus monsters i yeah and then ends up in an insane asylum getting raped yeah it's like well that's not what we want to even though the rapists get their comeuppance no pun intended i got it it's just not going to laugh at that overcome it was a pun but she still she still is is in a psych ward and getting raped and it's not pleasant [Music] no uh uh yeah yeah just uh that's the perfect summary of the film by the way yeah i i think we've dissected this as much as we could in fact you could say we pulled out as much as we could from this film let's let's kill this discussion early let's end this you guys like i don't know if this movie will work do we have a plan b we got we got jokes all night oh i feel terrible [Laughter] all these guys want to do these days is shoot their load in your face [Music] well everybody it's that time a night when we get to pick our best of the worst um i'm going to start from my left jay oh your best of the worst uh i i think most enjoyable is dungeon master the other two are interesting in their own right the suckling is something else that's that's something special but we should point out that a lot of it is kind of boring there's the initial setup and then there's the ending which is [ __ ] up the middle section where it's just a monster movie is kind of dull uh i think i'm gonna echo your sentiments uh i think dungeon master is the best of the worst i really wanted to love space jacked because i love a terrible flimsy set sci-fi schlock movie but it didn't have much more than the flimsy sets though yeah it didn't quite live up to that true like level of a really funny b movie um this this is just batshit bonkers crazy all these things are happening there's so much stuff going on um and the suckling gross decent cinematography there were some attempts at interesting lighting through out of it throughout it there's the the fan the light going through the fan okay okay camera movement yeah well then we're all echoing each other so far because i am going with dungeon master and space jack just dull it's just dull yeah what about the lady who had a fantasy about getting raped by a cave that looked consensual to me i'm just gonna put that out you know what mike you sold me i'm making space jack my pick for best of the worst because there was a woman who fantasized about being forcibly taken by a caveman that was the winning argument mike i knew that i knew that would push you over the edge rich uh jack before i choose dungeon master as my best of the worst i would like to give a special commendation to space jacked as it was in my opinion the perfect first movie on a three movie month by which you mean it was the most boring but i mean technically it was the second movie but we don't talk about ice cream man that was a perfect warm-up movie the dungeon master was clearly super fun though uh as uh as someone who has been playing a lot of dungeons and dragons throughout quarantine i am a little upset that there weren't more dungeons or dragons so it did have a wolf man [Music] never mind it's perfect yeah yeah you're right well dare i suggest i would i would probably say none of us want to destroy any of these the suckling is despicable but it is just a movie it's unique and it's unique and yeah yeah it is a nice looking blu-ray and it is something that is yeah shout out to vinegar syndrome yeah they always do top-notch work with even something like the suckling is something that would never ever ever ever be made today under any circumstances uh so it is a nice look back at 1983 89 89 89 99 at kind of what what sickos in new york were doing in 1989. it's borderline for me i would be okay with passively destroying space jacks where we destroy it but we do like the least amount of effort possible to destroy okay what about instead of instead of destroying it we just kind of leave it somewhere and forget about it oh where where is everybody oh hello hello somebody told me to come out this way down this hallway hello hello hello space jack what ah there you are space jack what you know you did a real good job as a movie today space jack we're thinking of giving you a promotion a promotion that's wrong wow if you turn around and look at those doors that are right behind you that's the promotion room space jack just walk right on through and we'll turn you into a much better movie okay you'd like that wouldn't you oh i'm excited to go right through those stories huh now it's time for your promotion i can see you being a star wars or maybe if you play your cards right even a 2001 a space artist all right space jack time for your promotion ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha [Music] ha [Music] hello it's me red letter media while we were filming our episode of best of the worst recently i noted i think the cameras were off at the time i noted something very special about the space jacked vhs cover this is obviously a re-issue probably came out in the 90s i don't know but i noticed something interesting about the cover which we talked about off-camera i had made a mental note to bring it up in the discussion but i totally forgot to but on the space jacked cover the spaceship that appears is not the spaceship in the film but it is in fact an upside down romulan warbird ripped off from star trek the next generation mixed with some other kind of spaceshipy components so uh jay the editor of the segment will show in detail a side-by-side comparison you're probably looking at it now of the space jack cover and this which is a romulan warbird oh mike but it's green that's why i'm putting in front of my chest you stupid idiot

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 1,617,321

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: xPLvqG2adTw

Length: 73min 46sec (4426 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 30 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/hairysweatyback]

I love these guys, I put their stuff on whenever I need cheering up and it works every time. Rich’s laugh, as screechy as it may be, is healing.

[u/Axel-Stone]

Thought this was one of the better episodes of BOTW they done in a while, they are just in their element with these particular types of movies.

[u/naynaythewonderhorse]

I love Best of the Worst, but man, it’s so frustrating when they do these “luck of the draw” episodes and they wind up skipping over something that looks amazing.

The Patton Oswalt episode where they did a fake-out review of Ratatoing hurt my soul. I genuinely don’t know if there would have been too many legal ramifications for them to do it, or if it was just a bit. Makes me sad.

[u/gobble_snob]

I support these guys on Patreon $15 a month but the BOTW content has been going downhill, now their best series are easily Half in the Bag and Re:View. BOTW is a mixed bag, the older episodes from years ago were better.