Best of the Worst: Black Spine Junka 2

ah Jesus Christ rich how long does it take to meticulously stack 77 VHS tapes [ __ ] finally and now it is time for another edition of black spy which would you do well Mac you're in luck because today we're playing another edition of black spine Jenga I mean junk oh wow the [ __ ] is that I'm glad you asked let this pre-recorded intro explain its junka is played much like Jenga each player removes one tape at a time from any level below the tongue using one hand only then instead of placing the removed tapes back on the top a copy of new key will be put at its place instead the removed shapes will then be added to each player's pile the player that causes the tower to fall will be the loser the winner will thus be rewarded by forcing everyone to watch all the tapes he's pulled from the junka pile well Mack are you ready to lose at black spine junka yes sir [ __ ] well I think it's only fair that since I won the last game that I should get to make the first move or you can make the first move it says a true lies sex and drugs yeah I mean [Music] good then you trying to psych me out no no boo the funk factor David Gray running times 71 minutes that's what I like to hear [ __ ] Mac I hope you win why to use one hand car why go lefty was that a rule last time yeah you have to use one hand okay generally Jenga okay countdown to y2k the coming storm introduction to the problem mm-hm develop your psychic powers okay um Kelly bear teaches respectfulness and friendship skills runtime 19 minutes yes yeah all right you can't want some massage exclamation point 43 minutes yes I've never wanted to lose so badly in my life all my tapes are long so getting a little tight there at the ends to have in to hold humorous glimpses into the ties that bind and sometimes not yay [Music] values of the 90s from the year 2000 the Gospel according to st. Bernard [Music] lights camera bubbles oh yes smooth smooth as silk dancing granny's workout program beginners copyright 1989 55 minutes dates and grannies all those grannies are dead yeah mastodons the first encountered do the mastodon quake put your career in motion on the move Schneider National that's it that's all it says career exactly nothing maybe it's acting too bad line dancing for seniors you just got the grannies one two yeah it's yeah my pile is nothing but olds oh yeah oh yeah all right I'm looking forward to this Fred Garbo inflatable Theatre Company on Broadway I don't know what any of that means one time 60 minutes I'm this one I'm looking forward to I hope I win a fresh air who enter the ozone what I mean it's a yo-yo tape true lies violence and suicide 48 minutes they IQ IQ your alcohol a fast-paced star-studded quiz about responsible drinking throw this right in the dumpster yeah yeah yeah that's right pocket pet series ferrets it looks long to look at you you found a loose one safety awareness for forklift equipment danger zone dangers pedestrian safety video training program smooth with this butter Magic City that's it there's so many tapes Shanna banana yo go yo guys right oh she did yogi I mean Yoga it's Carol dikmen's dikmen's seated yoga simple relaxation techniques for cancer patients sounds like a [ __ ] blast blank one is it yeah completely blank mm rip the sticker off to to hide the porno they both I mean UFO report alien implant it looks really long all right oh oh this one's nice and this look at you S&M the dominatrix workouts sweat and muscle calm then was dropped it fire safety for older adults starting to feel adventurous here yeah sassy [ __ ] Oh another blank one ha no blood medicine meets the challenge 25 minutes yes or no or is there no waffle how to build a haunted house Oh looks like the the label was ripped off and then Reed reattached mm-hmm geez stacks are getting pretty big over there mm-hmm champ [Music] yeah this is where you have to start looking at the top and seeing how bad it's wobbling exactly come on baby oh my god baby all right right here mm-hmm jumpa family of the Americas sylco International Corp if you love me show me 37 minutes okay I see the title here comes Jesus he's coming [Laughter] planetary traveler since there's no description but it's 40 minutes [Music] Oh oxy sighs introduction to oxy sighs so introduction to oxycontin to to load-bearing tape nothing boy oh boy the whole thing is leaning which has nothing to do with the wobbling just in general it's starting to tilt that way just warning into a label or something does here comes jesus oh Jesus Christ are you kidding me secrets of the Bible revealed volume 245 myths [ __ ] seven signs of Christ's return sports blooper media does this count as a twofer if I have not a two of them get knocked out no these are these two will hold this okay or the whole thing will topple over yeah let me go don't wanna get hit that's truly what you I know Oh balls how to carve great faces for Halloween yes Jeffrey Dahmer tape oh my god ha ha blink completely blank exciting [Music] oh thank you I am yeah I know what I'm doing here i won hey I've won every game of junka so far hug towel the lion guard owl the lion boy oh my god lots of ones here [Laughter] these to be enough to hold them is the question [Music] yeah what was the one what was it measuring success with standardized recipes congratulations on a a well one round of junka anyways so let's watch my balloon parade everybody so have at Target this looks like like police video when they investigate a crime yes it looks like there's no semen on this scene [Music] barrel you gotta get close buddy this isn't gonna work this shot his wife is operating now do you think my concept of intimacies know it is I know it's not oh come on I know you I know what you like I guess you don't know me as well as you think 67 Arleen 66 two grandchildren Bernie 60 I mean [Laughter] you feel mature [Laughter] [Music] now with your next inhalation let your arms lazily begin to reach up toward the sky I just want to sit there and we have to take the back seat I'm here to show you another perspective that fact is that you are the one they're coming looking for I remember staying small probably well you don't see yeah you're a little kid now let me tell you about [Laughter] school shooter hi I'm Phil Chalmers I'm the host to your video today always in a graveyard to show how serious this is you could end up here love your highlights we're gonna use the spirit box he didn't get into in sync I was really bitter about it but Phil you're too old they also teach that you can have all the sex you want with no consequences this is a destructive law and is wrecking many of our young people's lives it's sex baby could we do more than just talk we get nasty nasty only if you're in the mood you know the kind I like I get so excited when I'm watching girls I can't wait to see you touch your body lead my hips slap my thighs smell them good I don't think you ready for this jelly because my body bootylicious for you baby try the computer for the computer maybe that's working it's like the exact Snyder's Dawn of the Dead I'll try to talk to him if he doesn't want to talk I'll just say I'm sorry I hope you feel better soon if I see a friend who looks scared or angry I'll ask what's wrong then I listen and try to help super I think you have it boys and girls remember part of the Kelly bear sign and be especially careful with any heat source if you use medical oxygen in your home thanks I'll remember that Barbara has a smoker I already forgot Dorothy McPhee has a life-threatening medical problem what is it I thought to myself I can't handle this well I didn't much like the assignment but once I got here I was surprised to find out that I was no ordinary Saint Bernard I looked funny and my voice had changed so I sounded even funnier how isn't it great we've got the picnic tomorrow the prom next week and then we're out of here I can't believe you got that scholarship well why does it have to be 2,000 miles away I know I'm gonna really miss you you're going to school 2,000 miles away we're gonna go to [ __ ] but poin for it but everybody knows it as [ __ ] about Point [Music] yes yes yes [Music] cirque de soleil you got nothing on this it's going up and down falling down this is the 1998 poster [Applause] this is magic how [Music] they came down much faster a bit more yeah [Music] this is Wisconsin it's winter nine months of diamonds my nipples are hard my nipples were hard rap after watching that animated film of odd come on Jen what's wrong with loving each other just get away whines welcome to best of the worst oh hey I've tortured people huh black spine random obscene scary I whirring I won you won my god you beat Jase you gotta come back now you're the champ I know yes I'm very proud of myself it was the only problem was we were both really good at it which meant we had what 22 tapes to go through a lot of tapes my brain is mashed potatos scrambled eggs right now that's okay it's okay it's a good thing overall because we get more to choose from we get more to sift through we find the gold nuggets the diamonds in the rough we've we've got four Nuggets here I'm not saying our first tape is Kelly Bird teaches respectfulness and friendship skills at MIT MIT mr. mr. Higgins okay tell us about this fine tape I think Kelly bear is pretty much the the second runner-up good luck bear that like auditioned for that Care Bear role and didn't yeah it's hard when others tease us or make fun of us but it's like [ __ ] you I'm still gonna teach kids how to well not touch kids cuz I'm a big ass bear but also teach them that it's like SAFTA I'm gonna teach you something that will help oh my god it's teaching friendship and respect skills so this big bear that only if it goes like this its eyes move so it's like if you're standing over kids that look like this constantly moving its head yeah crappy costume is okay the kids are calling kill a bear names well the milk kind of mood but he kept on poking his chin was very clean too I mean once it brushed up you could tell that was brushed up and then brushed down that's a very brand spanking new bear right there costume is far nicer than that production deserved right maybe they blew it on that bear yeah well the production value looked like like a VHS Cameron's in like the local like like grade school yeah it wasn't a sadist yeah and then the kids sucked Sheldon come on out what you'd like to tell Kelly bear don't pay any attention to them everybody's different nobody uses look she's about things line no mountain is line yeah don't pay any attention to them everybody's different nobody's the same although it's at a talent agency hired them yeah and I thought maybe it was just like five kids who wanted to stay after class an hour like to help fill this this old lady's shitty videos late but they were they were really excited to be there somebody came in and like who can memorize lyrics quick and wants to sit around a bear and sing songs and some kids are like sad embarrassed so uh rich can you like do some of the songs from Kelly bear first oh god it's basically just Old MacDonald had a farm right mm-hmm and there was also what was the other one if you know that was your favorite because there was the hug the snaps the claps and it kept going your ego and you can go along oh yes yes culture is bad to everyone trouble magic air shows that we've started doing that by the end we're like one more verse a number and the [ __ ] staggering number of verses is like okay you know what sometimes like when I went to church when I was a child there like only verses 2 & 6 yeah that is all that we're gonna sing out of the 12 please yeah we got places to be even Jesus but yeah the homily is long those old ladies get rich quick scheme yeah and the in the Bernie era the guy in the guy in the costumes like her son yeah [Music] oh my god snap snap snap snap it's too many that's too many that song doesn't go that way this isn't a unique song I know how it goes what's it gonna be [Music] [Music] so who made this video was it the old lady she wasn't an actress she felt like the author of probably the Kelly bear book Kelly bear your color doesn't matter to me I like you just the way you are and someone said let's make a video I guess start making some money off she goes to schools and does presentations with which we have to talk about one of her slides yes she has pictures sad the bureau for at-risk you hero all these kids seemed on the brink dealing drugs yeah when you say at-risk use youths you think like drugs alcohol pregnancy you know whatever yeah not like smiling her kids mmm-hmm I'm alright and it's got in trouble the teacher a note I mom lost a sign she's not going to be happy are you sorry what happened I was just playing Brian but I was supposed to be in my seat listening I asked her I saw face and all my papers [Music] but uh you know the the slides that she was using essentially from a distance it looked like green bear boners like those like massive boners - I mean just but also one of them was kind of one of them is like this you know and the other one was like that yeah just semi BAM right out there yeah it was sexy over time she went to the next board and the guys who sought out the Bears on all fours spilled his books on the floor in the school or weren't ready ready for but stuff were they knocked out of his paws or did he go oops oopsie that was fun child education things yucky or not or it was a baffle nice it was a Barney ripoff essentially it was what it was you know I guess like a lot of sing-alongs kids you know in a room like in a school room this however probably was the most effective that we've ever seen because it was so simple a lot of times they get drowned out in in the music or this or that this was like they had this the simple acronym and it's like stop you know think about so much feelings how do you feel what's your action Stefan's is the only message in the whole video was stifling effectively because we remembered what it was but also in a world where Bharti exists it is completely redundant yes yeah well this lady was just trying to make a buck Saab this old bag was trying to cash in on the childhood burns where's your kids green bear burners recently I think that that was your motivation what's some of that Bonnie money she was literally seeing green with this idea yeah perfectly [ __ ] you green there's a great green bear whatever I just that's like a smoker's voice and I want everybody off because I'm green with envy agree yeah stifling whatever feelings whatever gotta pay for new giant glasses don't pay for themselves it's like a horrible monster bye boys and girls [Music] and we're onto an entirely different person in analysis so you know there's over there for your back to back huh yeah mr. mr. McCullen would you please tell us about st. Bernard yeah the Gospel according to st. Bernard all right so this actually like starts off with a recap of the first episode that we didn't see but actually that the opening credits makes it seem like it's almost like a sitcom it's like shot that way look in the end those the headshots with the credits not stuff [Music] like unintelligible lyrics ah company rimsey yeah I'm gonna eat you the way it's explained to us is that everyone sees our st. Bernard Africa I don't know its name I don't think they even told us I'm burning the st. Bernard Bernie Bernie it's not clever people be like so uh everyone in the whole world sees the st. Bernard Bernie as a real Saint Bernard but our two lead children see her I guess it's a her it's a lady's way and that information is never irrelevant sees it as a yet never it sees her as a pretty much a person in a st. Bernard suit who gives kids terrible advice well if divorce is the only answer then we better find out what the question was and tell everybody to never ever ask it stalks them and it's the pizza no one was hungry and I get to have the whole pizza no but we brought you some here so the episode begins with the classic sitcom misunderstanding are you sure divorce is the only answer it looks like there's no other way I just don't know if there is any how what are we going to do I don't know but we better pretend like we didn't hear anything okay the parents are in the kitchen and the father's voice is completely dumped I hadn't finished that yet oh I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention I'm pouring another you've been upset ever since you spoke to your sister last night what's up completely W we're suing he has an accent was it it is look yeah he's like he looks like he drinks crab juice or something like that Greek army in Greek he could be could have been Indian Pakistani yeah like there's it could be most any races except for white I wonder what's bothering him he's probably worried about that test but he studied hard last night why his dad dubbed because the microphone was in the ER but he stopped from any angle than they've shown him from oh baby they changed his voice maybe I speak English I lied you throw out to buy coffee it's a little the meeting with Watkins only took 30 minutes so I caught the next flight home Here I am cuz cuz he had Irish children yes who looked nothing like him with it with some ladies and I was saying I'd love to hear the original yeah yeah it was very clearly dubbed over that guy was on point I mean he matched the lips he just didn't match the face he was a great hunter it's a shame they had to cover up his voice because of racism like Hercules in New York you said those men were dangerous dangerous boy I'm saying so it begins with the classic misunderstanding the parents are in the kitchen and they're talking about like their friends are getting divorced the kids over here in the other room but they only hear the second half of the conversations they think their parents are getting a divorce but they try to play it cool and they go to school and kids pick on them because their parents are getting a divorce because obviously they only heard the second half like you were hanging out at their house in the early in the morning round no they never said my dad are getting a divorce you're such a jerk oh we're talking st. Bernard sent by Jesus they're pushing each other on the swings and the brothers like well I don't know why they're getting yeah so go back to Hebrew school Sharon it's funny this actually is that we thick with biblical like or at least like a thought yeah the Christian II kind of values even it's very very heavy pod that kind of one ham-fisted only be funny if it was a pea let's pretend it was a pig then that and that's pretty much it though the parents say they were they're not getting divorced and they feed the the stuffed or whatever they'd the dog pizza well don't get so excited if you don't want pizza we can order something else we were really desperate at that point of the night if we chose that as a keeper slob but that dog was hiding in places yeah it's just that [ __ ] was happening on the playground where the everyone else a normal dog but it's so they were like that's really weird that this st. Bernard is standing on its hind legs before behind this post laughing we couldn't follow the kids and then like you know they may land on the dog and they stay on and it just like this person in a dog suit just there we saw these are the st. Bernard mm-hmm except for the one rule that was broken was the mother at some point says that st. Bernard eats ten times the amount of food it should which means that it really did eat the amount of it's it's it's it's a correct body weight correct body yeah yeah which means it was pooping that amount of it's correct body weight so the mother probably would have taken that st. Bernard to the vet this dog is so much and it's like 40 pounds of food every day and it's eating pizza because these rotten as kids or seafood subtract ilat Saint Bernards [ __ ] so much I keep buying food for it it's like it's like it's a giant adult size dog costume with a crooked mouth it's a good prize I couldn't keep my eyes off of that it's like this look in here Saint Bernard is like a droopy lip like a Stallone lip the mouth kind of falls to one side the father's mouth worked perfectly the real voice of the father should have been used to dump the dog where you're going his comeback bring me some falafel like what if that was what if Bernie's noise was the father's voice the production is a mess [Laughter] I have watch you at all the time so that's another weird part yeah we're Bernie's like I watch you where'd you go what school your school when were you there I didn't see you I see everything you do you think I'm a dog but I'm secretly I'm gonna walk him when you go to the bathroom it's okay I'm just a dog just a dog watching you taking [ __ ] is it the spirit of a like a serial killers punishment now he's pretending to be an angel sent by Jesus maybe I'm a space angel from are you saying that like everybody sees him as the guy to sue because he is a guy in a suit because because the parents are just into some kinky [ __ ] he's like the third partner in their relationship it likes to dress like a dog and the parents embarrassed by this told the children that no no it's a it's really just a normal dog yeah it's like a large than a real girl situationally the whole town just goes with it he was sent by heaven to be a special friend sure kids go feed that dog Pizza sleep mommy and daddy's bedroom see I mean the dogs not not named Saint Bernard it's named Bernie right yes so it should be according you know Gospel according to a st. Bernard yeah anyone ever mark I'll fix it Oh somebody have a marker no sorry anybody no no no there's nobody here just us I know we don't have this production just really set it's really rinky-dink yeah so so a long fall from Uncle Buck am i right we should we should just you just turned the cameras around every now and then just just so the audience could see that there is no crew is a guy in a wheelchair you shouldn't like you proceed this with this is film the fight before let's do your audience and nothing happens just like oh my god okay a pen actually a battle over [Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay checked out all of the equipment everything is intact okay we're good to go I still want to sign it like some injury thing just to cover my ass no to a [ __ ] no guy Elise ride with that wheelchair so many wheelchairs stop one day you'll end up in that wheelchair [Laughter] how'd you get that chair kid a wheelchair that would be the definition of Ironman coincidence I'm gonna go on an order here I've got our fourth tape this for so I'm gonna I'm gonna have to explain one to what our fourth tape was Oh fire safety yeah Oh God Oh which we all know oh my god you were the man about being cool about supplier safety it's appropriate because everybody knows when I was a young man I almost burned down my grandmother's house when I was trying to cook my own french fries for reals Wow twenty-two [Laughter] you were like eight you thought you could just pour like a gallon a hot grease into it like a grease into a pot and it was working fine I was cooking the fries but I hadn't lid on but apparently you should do I'm over hit the flames no no I took the lid off check on the fries and a giant soccer ball came out of the pageant and giant [ __ ] fireball my first instinct was his flaming grease in the back wall of the kitchen no no it was winter dead of winter my first instinct was to open the back door and just throw it out into the snow and I I grabbed the pan and instantly burned my hand and drop flaming grease all the flame wait your first instinct wasn't to save the fries so uh so you need some fire safety tips and you are and you are elderly so I needed a refresher yes our tape opens there's an elderly couple there trying to enjoy their afternoon there in the kitchen the wife is cooking the steak the husband's trying to enjoy a [ __ ] cigarette and then those nagging keeps telling them to stop what they're doing so she can she can chastise them hold it a husband and wife were in the kitchen she's making dinner he's having a cigarette it's a scene you might see in millions of homes across the country every evening so what's wrong with this picture well it's also it's a voice is it disembodied yes at first yeah it's a disembodied voice that would keep cutting to her mm-hmm you shouldn't do this here that is through this and I just [ __ ] her yeah the mind just wants to have a cigarette and then the wife makes him go outside every time and they're like bitching about is worth the placement the depth of his ashtray it's gotta be from our services like I got on the arm of the couch it's fine he's like I know today I would do with something right there's this hole there's this whole big deal the video about I guess most elderly people die from smoking fires they really emphasize putting your ashtray at a hard stable surface but also they created paper due to elderly dying from cigarettes causing fires oh yeah to go out yes if they know Marlboro raise [Laughter] Gray's Marlborough Gray's we're the cigarette and cigarette that does not burn the elderly yeah we go out we promise you got six seconds to smoke oh there's just 30 different little when it comes B bums yes they call it was just this naked lady saying she's hanging sleeves and she I thought at first they're like well the bit and the video is like what's wrong with this picture you know and then they like kind of focus in on something and I thought it was the handle was outwards because you know little kids are running around you want handle inward because they can't grab it video for the butt but I never produced let they set it up by saying they sipped ID their cabinet closed so their grandkids yes so I thought that the mistake was the the handle overhanging the stove but it was her sleeves those sleeves could touch a hot burner while she's cooking and catch on fire I have to admit that never occurred to me I'll just roll them up or wear short sleeves when I cook electric stove - it was like it was an open flame think how flammable is your clothes yeah her clothes are soaked in formaldehyde [Laughter] yourself with the smell we're gonna have a speed up the embalming process from the outside she marinades every night but if you can't get out fast or your path is blocked by heater smoke emergency numbers oh no what happened to Mike well the litter that our only man he gets the information about putting the ashtray in a hard surface so he instantly goes out into the living room and he knows this so he goes into the living room and he pushes ashtray on the couch and so this nagging chest and a gimmick in what's wrong with this picture he goes I'm definitely never gonna do that again but not about putting it on the soft surface it was about being inside smoke it was a different nag yeah it was a different neg but she was just like what are you doing wrong he's like oh no it's like that that this ashtray could fall over at any second it's that I'm actually inside it's like it's his own freaking house yeah what's his voice different hey voice get out of my house I'll smoke wherever I want that he was very relieved once the voice started nagging his good friend yes oh yes yes the third part of their throuple yeah why don't you go bother Barbara over here oh that's great I really appreciate that it's a man who's the purple again the one who currently watered up pieces of paper in front of her space you know she's a very dirty apartment she blocked her own exit door with with her oxygen tank space heater his space heater and phone book phone book so can for Melva I soaked these in form and every night I love the smell push him up against my front door a nice swapping spit this helps oh god she's trying to commit suicide isn't she happy you're very fertile now that my dreams [Laughter] she was peeping the zombies out and this oxygen take it was one scene where they actually had a real fire in the house and anything I wish there's a little bit more of that when were smattering of yeah of curtains : cats this actually does happen not like this could happen hmm what's what like like one of those like um Fire Department like sets where they they rigged up a house interior and they draft one of those I used to working I'm briefly a a fire sprinkler fitter which is the result of you cooking french fries for burning those french fries you gotta go just a job I had the fire safety be cool about fire safety guy installed fire sprinkler I got this job installing fire sprinklers a year before the economy collapsed and I lost my child and then I ended up here in desperation letting Mike make fun of me for money that's my story I can't watch movies anymore with fire sprinklers they always they always put the little lighter of the regular and then every [ __ ] sprinkler the building goes off no it's just the one so it's it's the one it's actually a physical glass tube in there with fluid in it one breaks yeah when it breaks when it gets too hot so every individuals frequent even worse idea from like a just common-sense approach is when someone pulls the fire alarm Oh sprinklers whop and things ruin everything in the building us up now Oh a massive fire everywhere might set off the sprinkler alarm they make that but it's like if you it'd be like I'm telling us more a paper mill that has chemicals like it's something a building that's gonna literally go up in 30 seconds like a firework fact yeah that would that would have that yeah give her give her install sprinklers in the fireworks factory when are we going to get to the fireworks factory [Laughter] that's the Simpsons reference me too really that's disgusting get off the show right now you pervert practice a home fire drill at least twice a year review your plan with any guests who visit you overnight the elderly a friend there they're gonna pick her up and take her somewhere they're gone all going somewhere together towards the end yes I forgot where I don't know if I mentioned it we're assuming it's an elderly orgy you speculated they were there the world's first swingers yeah first one it's a whole thing they're so anxious like the Romans and a couple thousand years went by and then these people remember practice makes perfect [Laughter] was there anyone else no other characters yeah there was interlace that that lady that disembodied voice became actually she was like like the Florence Henderson lady like she was she was the old person who was not too old to wear shoes ik couldn't understand her and all that but she was like like well-spoken trustworthy algorithm now how long is this video going to be worth it because how many people smoke inside anymore know the story and elderly its takes just like I'm old enough I don't give a [ __ ] about vapes just give a breath you know the elderlies don't well there yeah the people who used cigarettes they're just gonna get older and older the ones who aren't gonna switch over to vaping you're gonna have a massive influx of people dying elderly people dying from cigarettes let's get a skyrocket man that last generation of cigarette smokers are just gonna keep getting older they're gonna burn themselves to death one by one that's maybe the tobacco company actually put cancer killing drugs in their cigarettes and so these old [ __ ] are gonna live forever but they don't they'll never tell anybody about it they're just like grandma you're gonna [ __ ] die it's like [ __ ] I'm a hundred - Jesus Christ chemo cigarettes that's [ __ ] brilliant chemo cigarettes so philip morris discovered the cure for cancer they put it in cigarettes capitalism and yeah that's what we took away from this video and nothing social capitalism what's the last one yeah yeah what what what is our last one Mike wait what what what am I waiting for what trying to see if I remember literally I don't know you do that you do you will you do you absolutely be the good name of it anything of know about it oh oh you want a hint dog costume bear costume mm-hmm old people and cigarettes I honestly don't remember the sex-education cartoon this is an anti sex education cartoon right flavor well of course I love in Barbara then just give him what he wants okay so this is if you love me show me by a family a family of the Americas as incr Oh international corporation which is probably a like a front company for a Christian company because the message of the tape is do not have premarital premarital sex basically you mean before you were married you never had sex no listen Paul if you don't score pretty soon the guys are gonna start wondering about you okay so it's an animated film that's the big thing to mention and and of course we'll see it's a cartoon yeah and look looks like an 80s cartoon but it's 37 minutes long yes and it's the The Adventures of this girl and her boyfriend we which are seniors in high school yeah they're both they're both 18 there the fact that you call them adventures it's like adventures what looks like and I could 9th a Saturday morning cartoon show from the 80s yeah he oh he wants to take her to butt-fuck point [ __ ] my point it's the big night it's the big night he's taking her up up to a [ __ ] but point I had a better idea Jenny come on just relax this is one of my last nights together they brought wine I'm Jim and champagne champagne really get some and then that I know you know Jen we've been going together for six months and you just keep getting more beautiful everyday food yep yeah by Christmas she'll be Miss Universe no burn it opens with them like and and she hears voices in her head just give him what he wants he's just sex-crazed maniac just put out come on everybody's doing it here's dude you're never gonna be a man unless you bring this chick on you know so they both have like peer pressure going on and then the story progresses when he meet a Native American girl yeah who was the daughter of mother nature and and father time mm-hmm Oh No here come Romeo and Juliet number 1 million in one we're out of here I'll have to spoil their fun yeah it's almost like Bernie she just watches everybody but fun point say that 10 times fast it's not buck [Laughter] [Laughter] so in the process of attempting to fog if they accidentally turn off their parking brake and their cars heading up the cliff of [ __ ] what point [Music] and then then a windy just winds it back up oh yeah to back up on the edge of the cliff safely nice and safe so that in a second at the moment yes no exactly nice and safe and then um our lead lady she gets out of the car no actually no she doesn't even do that yet no it comes up nice and safe and again the exact same animation oh I'd better get this one right she's like a Jedi [Music] [Applause] then she decides to go home and just leave her boyfriend precariously dangling off the edge of a cliff I'm [ __ ] point he wanted to [ __ ] so she's actually our lead lady is actually running down the road and she waves down a white truck and then there's windy again you know and apparently we find out that yes the truck that she is driving is indeed a time machine oh my god how'd you get this truck and get back so quick you didn't even pass me I guess you could say I inherited some talents from my folks not again and the gear shift is set to present but if she goes forward his future that is the past convenient straight up so please please take me back to the past and just to get him up off the ridge No so what happens yeah she won't do it it's like you've swung back but I will not let him save her boyfriend from being rapey yeah and she ends up going back 18 years too much her own mother's pregnant yeah mm-hmm meet your own pregnant mom who apparently has been living in the same place [Music] [Laughter] oh and if she if she stays in the past too long she'll get sucked back into her mother's room and since there can't be two Jenny's here in a few minutes you'll become one with that baby in there no now you found it out the only thing is to go back into your mother's womb and you get to relive oh yeah the 18 years you've just experienced because you her pregnant [ __ ] it's all my fault I can't blame anybody else this time well I'm glad you feel that way for the baby's sake she does get pregnant after after they they go back in time and fix the boyfriend's breaks okay the emergency brake works yeah last week it wasn't working then all of a sudden a few days ago it works again then our hero gets sucked back into her mother's womb relives the next 18 years of her life goes back to butt-fuck cut point with her boyfriend only now the brakes are fixed so the boyfriend successfully [ __ ] her and now she is pregnant because she wakes up without a memory in the back seat and she was like what Lily wait that's the trans take me back in the past she's like no that's abortion yes get pregnant I can't have an abortion but she's that technically pregnant well we don't know that it's just Wendy says uh you're pregnant and she just takes this like ass is trying to we think Wendy's trying to scare her get rid of it you're not talking about abortion creepies [ __ ] the whole thing is weird no I know what we have to do we have to kill Paul when you could just be [ __ ] with her I mean if I had a time machine I'd [ __ ] with people all the time she is a Craig ninh because she had sex once in the back of a car on champagne and that's how that [ __ ] happens your [ __ ] its moral historias if you get pregnant just go back in time a bunch of times is any different from an abortion that's true that's a very good point rich depends on how you view string theory with protection use a condom and she was like that doesn't work no I can't be pregnant I just can't protection yeah well the protection didn't protect you really think so of course oh but here don't forget these gotta be review nuts oh it's only 99% effect what does windy know how do windy get born parents from her parents Father tanks it was father time and mother nature I'm pretty sure he [ __ ] some mud there we go do you think father time knows exactly when to pull out yeah but he just doesn't care he might care about that but not about his toupee falling off oh yeah custodian and mother nature is the liberationists the lunch Li come on they're called nutritionists so mostly lunch lady it's like a custodial engineer a lunch lady is like it's natural lunch person get welcome bro is this about the redemption of a rapists essentially right cuz he's a good guy in the end sex doesn't buy love respect does and that's what you deserved from every guy he turns out that he loves her in a different timeline it's a [ __ ] up time loop so yeah it's a different timeline that he doesn't what we're assuming they had sex overnight we don't really know because it's a little vague it's implied and whether or not it was consensual or not depending on how champagne was involved it's implied as much as a secret Christian film is willing to imply that so what was was it a dream when she was on the boat with father time he's just like one to make wine but it went on forever yes [Music] real check sexes night - nympho - it looks like the judge like insects if you want to have success you gotta wait your turn in line [Music] Wendy shows up in the cafeteria with that awesome Western music to break up the fight between our protagonist girl and her boyfriends new [ __ ] girlfriend oh yeah who's ready to put she's people because she's willing to have sex there may be hope for tonight after all Diana she heard about the fight you and Jenny had I think she's ready to do anything to get you back know what I mean like they say three's a crowd I've missed you Paul so you don't give a [ __ ] about her body remember how we said we weren't ready for you no sex back when we were still going out Diana well I think we should try again but she learned she learns to respect yourself and respect her body no I'm not going to windy point and from now on show me some respect know what I mean well ruin it for the toady friend Easley hey oh yeah I'm never gonna have sex myself so while you go have sex toady friend who is secretly the boyfriend's father freak in my hair would you go [ __ ] how many of us have had a friend in high school who really pushed for us to have sex you know it's just like hey Mack it's like I'm not getting anything but you should really get it brah look at that over there usually that pipe yeah yeah yeah he didn't have to worry about that twice anyone looks good next to John Candy [Laughter] [Music] oh boy alright great tips for a bottle of Bulleit Bourbon on from his pants [Laughter] Christian we're almost done it's fine the pinna there's 22 [ __ ] tapes we watched 22 22 [ __ ] four tapes this is the best welcome to the wonderful world of ferrets hi I'm Kerry Armstrong and this little guy is a ferret we're so happy you could join us if you'll come along with us we have some other friends we'd like you to meet so out of these 22 tapes we watch tonight which one is the best of the worst Tim you know I just for the sheer like what the hell is going on type stuff would have to be the abstinence like mother earth father time I'm a girl in trees I don't even know what's gonna love me if you love me show me because champagne is the only way to get a person to really show you how they love you so yeah I would say that if you show me love me that's the best of the worst all right Tim is drunk Mac did you not see the Bourbon so me yeah yeah Oh which one is the best one which one is no I'm gonna own this this has to be in my archive somewhere for sure this I mean I hate them all you know this was a really long hard day oh yeah yeah Oh back-breaking work you know but uh you know ya know this made my JAMA like you know yeah like it's the it's it's the most memorable that's for sure and like like like any sensible person on this panel I I would also pick if you love me show me so Mike how would you like to derail this episode yeah yeah how would she like it like this there was a both well I'm gonna need to be reminded of the first three tapes okay okay green bear yeah you know this is the other this is the dog in a suit mm-hmm and this is the only old people fire all right all right then the cartoon okay okay I'm I've been known to be the contrarian of the group but I am going with the cartoon because oh my god no because I've never seen anything like it even even that one video where it was like it showed like the penis and the duck yeah the cartoon was I made how was I made yes know in terms of like dealing with like sexuality and this dealt with even darker topics and reproduction yeah it dealt with like teen pregnancy and sexual assault even in a Saturday morning cartoon style and not an especially helpful way either no it was my point in anything I've ever seen before and we we just don't do that thing you have an overwhelming urge to do so many layers we for most tapes we're like bored and we shut them off this we're we're transfixed and we are watching it and and I have not seen a tape like this in a long time if not ever that's my pick for best of the worst if you love me show me well like they say three's a crowd [Music] like they say three's a crowd three's a crowd okay yeah yeah [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] what we asked you to take that glass before let's sing a song about respect [Music] [Applause] [Music] she chose with a [ __ ] clock here and a cluck cluck there here thought there were cultures bred to everyone trouble my true care sure is that - everyone shall sure [Music] sorry don't you have anything better to do let you [Music]

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 2,313,432

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, Best of the Worst

Id: 9M39zY9OXFA

Length: 80min 35sec (4835 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 06 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Holy fuck, Jay coming through on the motorized chair was fucking amazing. I haven't laughed that hard in a BOTW in a while.

[u/abluersun]

This episode was loaded with astonishing tales of Rich Evans. Not only did he talk about the French fry fire but we learned about his lucrative career as a fire sprinkler installer. It was truly rich with Rich.

[u/Tarlcabot18]

"You're going to school two-thousand miles away, we're going to Butt-Fuck Point."

Oh Tim, I missed you.

[u/Crazykirsch]

"Fire Safety for Older Adults"

Camera pans to Rich Evans.

[u/SnapesEvilTwin]

I, too, almost burned down my kitchen trying to make fries when I was about 22.

I parboiled them in water first, but didn't let them sufficiently dry. When they went in the oil, the oil boiled over and went WOOSH! And made a huge fireball that shot straight to the ceiling.

Bitch of a time to find out we were out of baking soda, too.

[u/TheBlueBlaze]

When the montage of tapes included a middle-aged man flatly reading the lyrics to Bootylicious I knew we were in for a treat.

[u/Hebblewater]

I enjoyed the moustache man very much so

[u/RustledHard]

I would like to use the video about fire safety for elders as a jumping off point to say this: NEVER LIVE NEXT TO OLD PEOPLE. I lived in an apartment next to an elderly woman. I never thought much of it, never heard her, never spoke to her or saw her, then one night around 10 PM. BOOM! That lady was smoking while on oxygen and ignited her tank, blew herself up, caught her whole apartment on fire. I had to wake up my fiance and rush us out of the place. She took out my apartment and several others with flames. I lost everything I owned. The building became uninhabitable, leaving over 100 people homeless.

The moral is never ever live next to the elderly, they do dumb shit. Also always have renters insurance.

[u/SilveRX96]

complicated time travelling mechanics, multiple timelines, and not a single metion of Star Trek? What the fuck Mike, what the fuck