Best of the Worst: Vampire Assassin, Hack-O-Lantern, and Cathy's Curse

Oh [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] well Josh looking around at all these spooky decorations that means only one thing it's almost time for another national tragedy oh it's my newspaper out there I'm gonna get hurt News Alert - oh Jesus on Christ it's on time well it's time to start tweeting yep hashtag thoughts and prayers a hashtag not again hashtag pray for when you insert your city here hmm okay done my part yeah that's good yeah all right well speaking of horrific things it's time to watch some terrible Halloween films okay our first movie is called vampire assassin [Music] oh this movie's original title was not blade starring Ron Hall Gerald --off camera-- and Rudy ray Moore [ __ ] are you for real Wow oh the pictures on the back are just fantastic as weak as it stands here we've got some really good out-of-focus cheap vampire fangs they're like a person's head with squish to fit the side hmm and they needed mm-hmm it's a good sign Mel Novak we've seen Mel no panic in a bunch of different movies yeah but no one remembers him all right Derek Washington a cop with a vengeance must travel to the dark side and become the one thing he hates the most when a botched sting operation leads to the discovery of a deadly vampire who leads the undead so there's B's in the film I hope so you set a bot sting up that's right seeking out the help of one of the last vampire hunters master cow oh oh Jesus oh Jesus Oh Oh God actually fell I really that's good that's thank you thank you wrench thank you you do good work good work around here why do we have two copies of honor and glory seeking out the help of one of his lot one of the last vampire hunters master cow Washington begins his training determined to hunt the ultimate killer have they said anything about vampires yet yeah oh you know there's something to be said about a man who would risk his life his friends his very own soul and the pursuit of the hunt what okay so we had one Mike for this [Music] Oh [Laughter] [Music] what this staff just explicit did this is this reminds me of Birdman soundtrack yeah all right well we are two entirely different people and that was vampire assassin which we haven't actually watched yet wasn't that amazing oh man lots of great things to talk about our next film speaking of great things to talk about HECO Lantern [Music] on blu-ray that's a good sign no it's not rich because dr. butcher MD is on blu-ray now why don't you tell us what happens in hack O'Lantern all right now that I'm completely unacceptable when Tommy was a book sounds like a disease or something yes yes in the south yes this sounds like a disease they have to keep they have to take pills to keep my jag mantra under control did you catch that from Harvey Weinstein to when Tommy was a boy he saw his Grasso so he's no injustice Tommy when Tommy was a bad Tommy Wiseau boy why so why so boy when Tommy was a boy he saw his grandpa hi Pike does this grab his name yes hi Pike hi Pike is that one word and stewards no hy py o ee let's see yes yeah okay all right that's a name though it's an actual name I don't know if any of these are real names yeah [Applause] [Music] says the leader of a vicious attendant cult murder his father and a brutal ritual on Halloween night now Tommy Gregory Scott Cummings hashtag Harvey Weinstein 18 I'm not convinced that any of these are real people and Kripke is ready to indoctrinate him into the ways of the Black Arts hashtag Harvey Weinstein that's I love you when you put the thumb o that I love you oh yeah this is this is that's a couple months and this is I love you yeah I mean I love you all right they are related but as night approaches someone dressed like a member of the cult whose face is hidden behind a devil mask killing people connected to Tommy could it be grandpa Tommy himself or someone even more sinister hashtag behind these increasingly brutal MERS directed by Jed Mundra open house the jigsaw murders can real movies nothing about the convinced this is a real bit we'll find out HECO ledger is a lurid mix of slasher jell-o jell-o jell-o the Italian slasher movies oh and supernatural horror are set in the frenzied world of satanic panic previously only viewable as low-quality bootlegs no [ __ ] massacre video breaks this distinctly sleazy hashtag Harvey Weinstein 80s classic to blu-ray in a brand new restoration from its original 35-millimeter camera negative and featuring revealing interviews with its producer and stars alright they're good what are they gonna reveal information about Harvey Weinstein that's too much was one there's one over the line too many Harvey Gucci shoes they gave me them guns that English that's some sort of Satanist chant so rich that's a tattoo [Music] and that was certainly a spooky movie oh I'm chilled to my bones oh my goodness let's talk about our third movie our third movie which is Cathy's curse the infamous can exploitation classic is this from Canada that's a term that's new to me yeah I don't think that's a term that exists outside of that movie there's a tagline up here yeah I sent mommy to the madhouse I scared the butler to death I threw nanny out the window okay now three of us are left daddy dolly and me me me in 1947 a young girl is roasted alive in a car accident whoa 30 years later her grown brother returns to their childhood home with his mentally unstable wife and sweet daughter Kathy okay I'm with you okay so the his sister died in a car accident in the 40s her grown brother you know her now her brothers grown up has a mentally unstable wife and a child and are they going to their family house so Kathy's aunt would be the one that got burned in a car accident know what justjust just think of something something sweet I think think of like the poppy fields rainbows and stuff while I read read the text well why don't I take a calming moment and think about all of the Hollywood executives who have not molested anyone Camden all right but when the dead aunts vengeful spirit possesses the child it will unleash an unnerving nightmare of creepy mediums demonic dolls and plenty of sick seventies foul-mouthed moppet mayhem [Music] well let's fire up the blu-ray player and find out what Cathy's curses you go prime the pumps that's how your blueprint player works oh we have a really old one yeah it's a gas power yeah that's what the joke was [Music] [Laughter] gone he taking George with her your mother's a fish I've got good side he was so angry he jolted up in between cotton [Laughter] [Music] maybe the chains look like it's too gross anyway we're in a castle Oh what the [ __ ] holy [ __ ] we're in a spooky laboratory in a castle oh yeah disgust it's Halloween it's because you know it's a science lab and we're here to scientifically determine what is a good bad movie but anyway the first movie that we watched was a vampire in Brooklyn what's the name of this movie vampire assassin also known as dull blade yes hey that's a great joke you know what I came up with that joke completely I'm sure it's really clever road dull blade I take full credit for dull blade cut the footage of me saying the joke when you said it in the screening in the screening room there's there's documented evidence of me saying it this is dull blade [Music] that's why you get the big bucks Mike vampire Sasson what's it all about um what a giant giant pile of [ __ ] so where you even start this Mike that guy on the guy on the front is that Ron Hall um no okay I don't think so he didn't have dreadlocks in the film that's Ron Hall son did it did did Ron I'll have a sword no smaller like blades that were made out of copper tubing that he bought at Home Depot yeah so what you're saying is he had imitation blades oh yeah well that's exactly what this is I mean this is this is released by Lionsgate yeah really this is a movie that's shot on terrible home video it's it's four by three aspect ratio it's it's the the bottom of the barrel trash and they redesigned the package I think I think Lionsgate has an entire division based on replicating nice Hollywood looking covers trick people and you're thinking they're watching something that's halfway decent this of course is aping off the success of blade this is not even the guy doesn't even carry a samurai sword I mean this movie is as a giant pile of trash well it's funny that you say it's a giant pile of trash because half the movie takes place in a warehouse for cleaning supplies for toilet paper for some reason the film opens in the past the past past meaning it depends on someone's patio that's his patio they put a sepia filter over it to make it make it the Middle Ages yeah and he kills a bunch of vampires hey guys can you stop shooting your movie here we're about to have a cookout this is supposed to be [Music] that means they're dying okay because that's a lot easier than fake blood I'm sorry sir he killed a bunch of vampires but then he tasted one of the vampire's blood right does that that doesn't make you a vampire every universe has its own rule all right I need your help it's not a slogan or service doesn't come cheap let's get out of here Derek I smell something wrong sister doesn't seem like his money you're after what is your price like blade this main character I don't even know his name Karate Dan karate oh yeah he's mostly vampires kind of half and a half so he's killing assassins who are there to us kill vampires but he's also killing vampires his main plot is to stop mr. Slovak yes who is the bad guy played by played by Mel Torme Mel Novak Melo Novak is Slovak Bakula is Dracula I actually do want to call you real quick because you say the movie opens on the patio because the movie then continues on that patio yes quite often returns it we were we're at that patio for the opening fight scene the patio is definitely part of the romantic date like someone has a really nice stone patio that could be any set yeah and so it is many sets there is a set they do use a set yet for two scenes well there's like same set for different kind of like semi-transparent windows and then and then it becomes at the police station set but then right the rest of the 80% of the film takes place in a toilet paper box Factory well that's not true we've got four sets total you forgot about Gerald ah commuters house that was Gerald our cameras Wow yeah that's gonna say they shot there yeah this feels acknowledged that's not a library Oh for [ __ ] sake that's not a bookshelf those are books Jay are we shooting this in the video store the library god dammit Joel a chimera trains Crotty dad Angelica Mira's house xx NFL linebacker karate yeah he acts as if he's a former football player to his credit he has some some really sweet karate moves oh yeah oh yeah like this form and and all this stuff obviously they're gonna say he has some really sweet emotional bone oh yeah you can do a super cut of all of his reaction shots in this movie and it's like what do you think he's feeling he's a tabula rasa there's nothing there until derelict Amira gets killed and then karate that has all the acting emotions in one theme got to pick up some cases of toilet here and all of Gerald a camera scenes were shot like this because he was always wearing his black speedos not the weapon the but the important part that we need to reel back to is that Siri makes an appearance in this movie my name is Samantha Morris I'm the editor of an internet news magazine exploring news most media shy away from is that text-to-speech I Theory read my scripts got famous my name is Samantha Morris I'm the editor of an internet news magazine exploring news most media shy away from I am from a newspaper and I'm here to interview for a former newspaper would you like to go on a date with me now yeah it's like right off the bat on what I want you to do is run that through a text-to-speech program and compare lay that over the the video my name is Samantha Warren I'm the editor of an internet news magazine exploring news most media shy away from officer Washington officer Derek Washington of the LAPD special division [Applause] this is important to note because it seems like at any given setup that they've any of the four sets that they go to they have one mic maximum so they mic whoever's the most important like Mel Novak in the first scene and this he's not as important in a later scene so they mic someone else things would not be that way if you had accepted the most generous proposal that my employer often [Music] he has a bow and arrow that's made out of paper toilet paper rolls I don't even know they just put it in between the two boxes there they instead of having it get shot into a box there's the box of stacked on top of each other and they just shoved it in between it's because those boxes actually had merchants and maybe as the owner of the factory wouldn't be happy about a spell that Windex puncture a bleach bottle gosh yes 50 cents that's way more important than making a movie there's that sword that has like the extra little flanges on the end of the bow yeah it's like a Klingon sword yeah the clan saw it as the too little did I brought up Stouffer Oh someone put money in the pot part well I'm talking about the Gerald a camera gives bloody dad Gerald a camera gives black ninja of his his ceremonial daggers and they're their knives that look like knives but it looks like it has the handle that the hilt is like the guard part is a piece of copper tubing that's cut hallo you could feel that it's hollow it's it's hot glued on and then at some point during the production of the film it comes off and it breaks so he's holding the knife like this where his hand is rubbing up against the blades [Music] yes he's holding the guard down they were upside down oh look you know I bleed won him at the police station that led to the centerpiece of the film mr. Slovak is there mr. Slovak is like police you know it's me mr. Slovak I'm a prominent citizen I'm wealthy you guys know me I didn't do anything wrong and then dull blades there and he goes he's a vampire and everyone's like you're crazy - all blade this existence of vampires what proof do you have to show this dull blade then somehow cast a spell and is able to bless a cup of water to make it holy water [Music] why are you sitting on the floor entitlement issues ue whoa oh wait wimp when did you get it to a storage unit what the [ __ ] why are you and why are you there they're hiding behind bathroom tissue where is this cut to everyone in the police station runs into a toilet paper suddenly they're there in the garage of the warehouse because the slogan conjures bad guys yep what to fight the oh yeah he's a magical cage he's a magical vampire cape that he bought at a halloween Express and if someone shoots in and he goes like this that ID flex the bullets that Cape deflect bullets summons henchman makes people disappear or turn into bats yes who is that where's the bat turn the other guy into a bat Oh Sailor man that's where the film is it goes unless it goes off the rails because it was never on the red-eye the movie ends with a movie can't wait to end it's true I am what every creature of the night should fear I am more than just a vampire hunter the first vampire assassin wait to get to the he calls Rudy ray Moore oh we were talking about Ray Ray more there's not much say about it yeah I quit job who is goddamn hilarious in the dole I met dolomite movies he's in this movie briefly and it's not even the script that's in front of him it's his lines it's not rapper screenplay design yeah it's not in the proper format it's just his lines word for by the way I'm going to guess that was the script because they did not know how to write in proper format that can very well these high early Ron Hall did not learn proper screenplay format in the NFL Ron Paul didn't learn screenwriting format either that's especially not in the NFL yeah he I'm gonna guess he was an ex FL player oh way back the XFL was a professional American football league which played one season in 2001 it was operated as a joint venture between the world wrestling federation WWF now known as WWE and NBC the XFL was conceived as an outdoor football league that would take place during the NFL offseason and promoted as having fewer rules and encouraging rougher play than other major leagues although committing to broadcast two seasons NBC pulled out of its broadcast contract for the XFL after the inaugural season citing the core viewership while WWF owner Vince McMahon initially stated that the XFL would continue without NBC and proposed the addition of expansion teams unfavorable demands of the league by UPN hasten the XFL semis and the league ceased operations entirely in May 2001 I know that look he was in a location and it was like there was like old computers yeah they look like a computer it was like a store with Harold computers but imagine going to Best Buy going up to the Geek Squad counter and Rudy ray Moore's what's wrong with Yoko I ins I got some virus on my computer virus what happier computer had thanks are you for real I would love that tech support would be that would make sure we're talking about Sri I wish there was a Rudy ray Moore option for Siri right sold I will get an iPhone if that is an option for me [Music] we get it kill the bad way take us home [Laughter] [Laughter] I'm so sorry I just had a frog make sure I have proper elbow comfort so the next film that we watched tonight was hackle lantern by jag Mundra Jack let's explain HECO lantern the best movie of all time what the best movie of the best movie we watched today well before you gonna do it I'm just gonna say right off the bat that I kinda love to haggle and but anyway explain haggle and refine it was perfectly fine it's about Satanists and Satanists get a hold on a young boy who turns into an [ __ ] teenager not a teenager 35 year old teenager I think he's supposed to be like maybe 20 22 but he's played by a forty year olds honestly oh we hope you like right into the camera they're fine he's got a sweet elvira poster on his wall see that's that that's the tight [ __ ] tiny bed I had a very childhood bed it makes sense in the context of the movie yeah but there's no way his feet don't dangle off that [ __ ] bed dude I'm not saying it's not awkward I'm just saying it makes sense that he would never leave that he's also a dude who's like out in the world and he has a girlfriend and like he's doing stuff outside of the home real friend has never stayed over at this place I was gonna say do you think they had sex in that tiny bed oh yeah okay so Satanists are just all up in this town and the town seems to be cool with it [Music] [Music] right is Tommy now I know my mom's still worried about you spending time with Grandpa does everyone know that grandpa's the same it isn't like I feel like this problem should have been solved a long time ago but then murders start to happen in the town related specifically to one family and there's a Halloween party and there's sex in a graveyard you're neglecting to mention satanic grandpa who rapes his own daughter to conceive a child who will be spawn of Satan yeah flashback to her wedding day yeah yeah yeah it's his son we're doing the wedding dress and everything right before the wedding that must've been an awkward ceremony right but so the product of this incest lies in his basement bedroom and listens to heavy metal [Music] oh yeah oh yeah [Music] Oh oh he's not even fantasizing about being the lead he's like the second rhythm guitarist he's not the singer he's not the solo guitar player he's just back there or doing riff he's modest yeah [Music] [Applause] you shed her laser beams from her eyes turn things into spirit Halloween props but he's the only one who survives getting vaporized by laser beams [Music] and oh and then she takes a trident from from Aquaman I think so she turns a guitar into it she turns a guitar I'm gonna try this is early DCE you cross very early I mean they've been planning for this yeah yeah she's gonna show up and the Justice League and she stabs him in the throat [Music] and then he wakes up and then we realized that oh I guess it was a dream a nightmare or a fantasy we're not really sure combination or a premonition we don't know and I don't know I think I think the only thing we're supposed to get out of that is that he's [ __ ] up the whole time I've been smelling like cinnamon and floral smells and I'm like Joshua smell Oh tonight it could be your beard yeah but it's a candle and then I realized all right it's the candle weight thanks Mike did you rub something in your beard okay condition the beard every day you got to keep it soft or nice oh yeah it really does you guys want to smell it no no it smells nice it has a nice place I smell that all day because it goes up here yeah and there's a nice older to native best of the woods smelling josh is a beard he towering up all of you out there in TV land Josh's beard smells really nice honey can you hear me you can't live like this Tom it's me Roger the fact that he lives at home makes all of this so odd yeah then he's supposed to be like isolated from the family but they're all days always just like knocking on his door it's very weird he's just like clearly 35 the mom is constantly looking at her children because there's other children there's a younger son and younger daughter and crying all of the time she's always so distraught she cannot get over the fact that her dad raped her on her wedding day ruining his life her dad burned her husband alive and raped her on her wedding day I mean what's the problem yeah yeah so she she looks she looks distraught all the time but this is a murder mystery and I wonder who the killer is the thing is that there are at least three versions or at least three people who have this mask the same goat mask that that appears in in multiple places and sometimes in the same frame which is off you might have shots we've gotten her looking like out of it she's totally the killer right yeah the mask looks like fluke loon the Jedi Master from the Star Wars prequels but really Jay you mentioned that um you mentioned the star horse I I don't I never mentioned this was very little Segway Jay you mentioned that it's very possible that the murderer could be the mom and I ruled that out immediately because the mom has a really long hair and it would be really hard for her to fit her hair inside that Halloween mask until the scene when we see the mom removed the Halloween mask and a scene they forgot to film [Applause] oh yeah and where we don't see the mom space in the reveal of who the killer of the movie is clearly a man in a wig oh it's mom okay that's didn't have her for that shot who's somebody else was yeah yeah the hair look completely different yep they forgot if you need to do your reveal of the killer you should probably make sure you have the actress now let's talk about now let's talk about what is up sorry sorry sorry now let's talk about one of the wildest Halloween parties that ever happened in [ __ ] Kansas [Applause] [Music] where a lady takes all of her clothes off at a Halloween party there's a different awesome hair metal band there's a different mo but the same that was in the the fantasy really there's an Indian guy in drag underneath the stairs last time by himself why is that guy dancing by himself all night oh he's hot with a great time don't look at very high drugs took some Molly yes love it life needs to be a good place it takes some confidence to go to a party by yourself in drag and just dance in the corner with no crazy there is a stripper who goes full nude what kind of [ __ ] up party is right what everybody else is the band quit playing except the drummer because everyone's watching then this strip chess players hanging out drivers just jam it tell me what so I'm drunk and this is OK by the local police department is ok with this yeah our weird incest kid his younger brother is the cop in the town and he's there to kind of monitor the party Jesus like hey this is by the way after he [ __ ] on top of a dead body oh god there's so much to talk about while he was on duty [Music] that's great yeah yeah sex in a graveyard on top of a freshly dug grave [Laughter] [Music] well and then the the cuz the person having sex with her in that scene is the brother of the scene this kid yes and he also has a sister and sister is the one who set up the younger brother right that girl so tell me where do it's not enough to just tell her we [ __ ] right there look yeah your brother conned out your little brother yeah [ __ ] him you can still see his ass Mars happening so they can just really have boys do you want to smell it what a motivation to get them back out here yeah we've got to two things in that scene that just completely [ __ ] with my brain that no person would do is like oh my brother you [ __ ] him right show me where and then she does on top of the dead body of your boyfriend yeah whoops yeah what hock word dead body doesn't matter in this scenario that's where I [ __ ] your brother like show me where you [ __ ] my brother was the weird part of that these two the the the daughter and her friend they were very close if you recall that's the the the daughter was masturbating in the bathtub why her friend came in and put a rubber spider in this room how good of friends are you buddies normal she's like haha rubber spider because there's a there's a bath towel let me put you a bath towel around you isn't it weird that your new tea that's the way they roll in Devonport we're neglecting one very important aspect of the movie and that's the fact that at the Halloween dance party there is someone dressed as a salad yes that's if that's the most weird or disturbing thing in the film then we have a lot more to talk yeah well that's let's continue with that talking about Halloween in general this movie has one spooky Halloween atmosphere to it yeah there there's lots of great I mean the opening scene of the movie we see a pumpkin get smashed Tommy we have to wash that but mom I like the taste of woods grandmother says it's good for me grandpa [Music] [ __ ] your satanic pumpkin but there's there's lots of good Halloween stuff in this movie this is a very Halloween heavy film [Music] [Applause] [Music] so we need to talk about grandpa let's talk about all the voices that grandpa has throughout the years yeah there's some there's some Tom Waits in there it seems like he's doing the Tim Curry Pennywise from it's yes great pump got them very special for you and then the next scene he's doing like a southern Southern drawl not like a southern belle like a female we don't like so we're watching this movie and he's the most compelling thing about the movie and it's a weird it's a nod it's a non movie overall but like he was consistently compelling so you're gonna predict the town tonight I'm gonna do my job I say damn you Jam gonna meet your grandpa can't even fun on Halloween but this seems like the kind of thing where it's like he was in this and that was it right it seems like that kind of performance where he's like some local guy they put in the movie he does not feel like a career actor yeah yeah that is what he is but he's a [ __ ] Blade Runner given by snakes from the egyptian taffey all the time pal that well and in here he is chewing the scenery and the he is the hallmark of this movie um included upon the ceremony of blood but be out know that that's so it's it's it's a series of weird performances it's it's him it's Tommy and it's the mom all the other actors in the movie are terrible but those three are unique and weird and interesting and that's what it's really movie together yeah it's really enough to get the movie by well I guess that's one of my big problems with hako Lantern I know and I'm sorry to like get too critical about hak O'Lantern the best movie ever the best movie ever but as it does build a spooky theme it has three kills yeah maybe maybe three kills made before it's not how many kills Jack that's how terrible and awkward and pointless so tighten it up see what's what strangling her back the corset that doesn't he's okay that'll do it okay what that was odd is it a huge crack turret which is done so her final film of the night was Cathy's curse and I don't even know who hasn't dress Josh Cathy's curse Oh what does Kathy's curse about well Kathy's curse is about a curse that Kathy has do we know why Kathy has the curse yeah that's a whole thing it's the whole thing Jack your mother's a [ __ ] a fella and his daughter have to get into a car and drive because her mother is a [ __ ] your mother's a [ __ ] anyway yes pull that back a little bit go ahead they need to get into a car they need to leave the house yes why is that [ __ ] are we sure about this your mother's a [ __ ] I'm sure we've cut to it like 15 times my mother because it's it's absolutely the best line of the movie your mother's a [ __ ] the delivery that is not just the line it's the editing it's just so [ __ ] awkward yes where it's like he'll lean down he's talking to her and then it cuts to his rehearse and all of a sudden he's standing up and he's like your mom's a [ __ ] your mother's a [ __ ] it's like it doesn't match at all everything is wrong yep so they get into the car and they're chasing the mom and the son apparently [Music] [Applause] what bothers there was a bunny in the road inciting incident the entire plot of this movie hinges on the fact that the daughters like don't hit that bunny of your road but so that's your prologue oh so that's right [Music] I don't I have any more any of the given but not on the mothers of fish [Music] of all [Music] [Music] left the girl to sit at the house for the DAP to discover now I have a serious question oh yeah what were we talking about what are you talking about getting pretty ridiculous you know and I know that I've had a nervous breakdown right uh like 15 20 years later whatever the the boy child would who was with his mom obviously didn't get into a car crash and so has survived and has inherited the house where they all lived the brother of the girl whose mom was a [ __ ] and and we did not meet Gordon as a child absolutely not father who was clearly a finish your mother fish and so he moves in with his a very unstable wife and his very sweet daughter who is extremely curious and wanders up into the attic where there's a creepy doll and a creepy picture and then she ends up possessed by the zoo she ends up possessed by the zoo she ends up possessed by the girl that died in the crash Wow I saw the string but that was great yes gran was flying out the window [Applause] [Music] and that's basically what's going on through the rest of the movie everybody eventually dies except for her dad because dads are okay everybody else is terrible that particularly women that's the weird thing is that she develops this because the dad at the Vienna is like your mom's a [ __ ] your mother and that's like his whole thing and so the daughter has this idea that like all women are [ __ ] and they're terrible there's a dead daughter right yes so Cathy is like at certain points in the movie we're just like [ __ ] you [ __ ] but so so the rest of the movie is just things happen yeah it's it's Cathy trying to weed everybody out of her house apart from her dad and then there's there's an old there's mick fleetwood and he gets drunk all the time it hangs out with Cathy because apparently she's he's having a blast this is very strange any of it even by the color movie standards this is weird right forcing an old man to drink mick fleetwood is an important character because like he doesn't get drunk just to get drunk Cathy gets him drunk Oh God what the [ __ ] there's a snake in the drawer my deserts think there is he paralyzed yeah yes he's frozen yeah like she does he froze on a fear or booze she did though it's beautiful well we can't tell if he's scared of the snake and the trash it's a little kind of shaky when the tarantula is here at the end he's like no but then the scene awkwardly ends that's the site question Jay I guess scene is over that was a weird place to I really want to make note of what Jay just said the phrase did Jay just use which is the scene awkwardly ends that's the whole move that happens pretty much every scene in the movie there's an awkward fade-out yes like Oh cut to commercial eventually like she's managed to kill just about everybody and - except for the mom and dad and the mom figures out how to stop the curse the ends rips the stitches up yeah close the eyes Oh kinetic powers what everyone's an art critic several more pieces grandma lazy says you're talking about a theoretical demonic possession and/or not even a demonic possession the possession of the spirit of a girl who died in a fiery car crash who somehow wants to kill people they ought of vengeance or anger this move you know what 1919 mother's a [ __ ] 1970 something mother's a [ __ ] a moon obviously your mother there there's that like you said I expected it to be batshit crazy yeah if there is this line and it's a it's a pretty thick line it's not a thin line it's a thick line where movies are batshit crazy to where they're fun or where they're like make sort of make sense and this one was like on that line yeah where it's like wait what this doesn't this sort of makes sense but then that's where it falls Sako lantern fell on that in that region for me so both of these two movies were like weird but not weird enough to where there fell off the edge to where they're crazy and fun yes like it's like it falls into that that terrible terrible area we call oh I disagree I disagree honestly I feel like Cathy's curse made Bon Appetit would you call these two movies frustrating no I wouldn't call either you know what this one's frustrate here yes and you know Mike here's here's the part is I don't clear as day to me these are frustrating I will call it all wrong duh oh my god that's you vanish so how does that make sense what where does demonic come in to the to the area with Kathy's cursor there's a demonic what are you talking about the [ __ ] box is demonic where where is this vowel that's exactly exactly there's a little girl got burned up in a car sorry she's possessing is all I'm doing demonic things she's a ghost but why is she so angry why is she killing elderly women because her mom's a [ __ ] that's it don't make you no [ __ ] sense to me there's a lot of the movie hinges on the fact that that little girls mom is a [ __ ] medium it's a basic demonic doll possession yeah but there you go demonic it ain't possessed by a demon as a girl the ghost of a little girl who died in a car accident right so it's a demonic position is that being said demonic it's a ghost that died under on the ceremonial circumstances and that doesn't have unfinished business in the world who [ __ ] Laura ain't no demon she's a little girl [Music] there are no dents in film but you still understood it but there ain't no diamond but that's the fault of the box you can't you can't get pissed off of that that [ __ ] right there said zymotic our little girl could be a demon yo she just has unfinished business no she's a ghost she's a ghost she has unfinished business and she possesses sure mathy to in order to eliminate all females and naysayers I don't know [Music] [Music] your mother's a [ __ ] the thing is I think Cathy's curse is a kind of movie they can get by on atmosphere in shop yeah it is like it's shocking to hear a little girl say you're [ __ ] fat or and that's it definitely that just I'm a bug show up when a drunk guy is trying to huge that's a huge crutch but it gets by on that crunch [Music] remember when the [ __ ] mom had leeches on earth yeah we got a movie like The Exorcist where the little girl says horrible things your mother sucks [ __ ] in hell you care well that's what Cathy's curse is not as good as the exercise oh so um I don't know if we properly explains any of these no this is a disaster this night has been a disaster this castle is awful the eye I'm gonna blame it on the castle where we their environment I'm gonna fall apart I'm gonna blame the movies so yeah Josh the worst by a country mile it's Cathy's curse that movie had atmosphere to spare it had I didn't give a [ __ ] about the plot holes where I gave a [ __ ] about the plot holes in the other movies so yeah it's Cathy's curse Mike best of the worst oh my professor the worse those vampires have O'Lantern and Cathy skirts beautiful beautiful restoration film prints yes I appreciate that true marvelous little moments of weirdness but it was just too spread out too diluted I cannot listen I grew up on lung cabins in ski film I enjoy a good a good bad kung-fu b-movie and what a giant giant pile of [ __ ] I'm not doing this to be a contrarian or to cause an upset I don't doubt that at all if I were to pick which b-movie I thought was the best and I enjoyed the most crazy be movie magic giant giant pile of [ __ ] Rudy ray Moore really raining no more wasted in this two seasons oh my vote my vote is vampires this movie is giant pile of trash my vote for best of the worst is heckle lantern because I gently enjoyed watching the movie it was bad but I liked it it had lots of fun Halloween atmosphere it had a story that was relatively interesting with the Satanism and the incest and all the weirdness of course Mac o lantern is the easy choice for best of the work so Jack best of the worst for [ __ ] [Applause] but vampire assassin we need to have a conversation pick your own bachelor Wars without judging why okay so so buy votes alone Cathy's Cathy's choice wins no by sheer votes alone hack O'Lantern wins best of the worst [ __ ] at you why are we destroying I want to destroy vampire sessom I of course I'm in the negative I say yes but can I say one thing Jay this film comes from a period of time in the late 90s a pioneer of anything with a little guy could make a ripoff of blade are you saying that the little guy couldn't make a ripoff of blade right now so we're going to destroy vampire assassin the good thing is we have two copies so you go ahead and you destroy it all you watch all right so we're gonna destroy both copies of vampire assassin [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] everybody sent more copies of vampire assassin [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 3,076,123

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, best of the worst, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, vampire assassin, hack o lantern, hack-o-lantern, cathy's curse

Id: W1QJazEHMUo

Length: 63min 5sec (3785 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 26 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/ComedicPause]

Holy shit. "Dull blade" was genius. That Jay Bauman really knows how to craft a joke.

[u/Kevl17]

It's Halloween which means it's time for jack to get completely shitfaced on BOTW

[u/[deleted]]

Mike picking Vampire Assassin is one of the greatest BOTW moments

[u/CMAProductions]

"Oh yeah!"

Probably one of the more intimate moments on the show.

[u/CreamNPeaches]

Perfect. Just in time for lunch with all the friends I don't have.

[u/FuckYouZackSnyder]

Someone at Lionsgate is going to be very surprised, when they realize that the sale numbers for Vampire Assassin have skyrocketed for some reason.

[u/werebearbull]

Mike is so dunk he almost falls onto the shelf... At the start of the show.

[u/Supermunch2000]

Mike, in this episode, transcended into his new form.

The last 5-ish minutes were sublime.

[u/illusiveguy]

Was the mother a bitch?