Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Black Spine Plinketto

well we actually made it rich it's our 100th episode of best of the worst boy oh boy does this look familiar that's right you know i wanted to do something special it's our 100th episode so i thought you know what let's go back to the original wheel so i i took it and i mean this thing it was it was literally a pile of junk like it actually split down the middle i actually spent a good month getting this thing back together like you can't see it there's just tons of just like screws and metal plates like holding this thing together in the back i got the old sign and the original wheel like the very first wheel we spun none of the replacements that's it i spent a ton of time rebalancing it it works now it's great well that's great rich i'm sorry to tell you though we're only gonna be spinning at one time right because on today's episode we're doing all the gimmicks [Music] i should have seen that stuff earlier like it was right there well i'm kind of blocking your view that's true so rich what's our first tape on the wheel well our first tape is shinko's twisting arm illusion our next tape is well it's an old friend the unique birthday party fun and variety show wow that's the tape we have on the wheel professional birthday party entertainment guests can create their own balloon puppets use this vhs cassette party after party this is only on here because the box looks like a vhs cassette it is certainly wacky what's up next rich our next tape is flirting with magic there's gonna be nothing creepy about this tape this will be outdated it'll be very uncomfortable very uncomfortable uncomfortable what's our next tape mike our next date is called difficult people and how to deal with them well she looks like [Laughter] what's up next rich well our next tape is magic academy course of magic volume 34 rubber band magic by joe rindfleisch this guy looks like a winner he looks like the uh the singer of the talking heads talking about david something david i was gonna say he looks like the guy with the giant suit and the tiny head i don't know music david something somebody out there is yelling that's this name at their screen his name's david right drawing a blank on his [ __ ] name he looks like a cross between jack quade and and diane fossey the guy is famous for looking creepy been like oh [ __ ] [ __ ] trying to blanket his name amelia earhart no i'm gonna go i'm gonna go see fushimi it looks like a crust with steve fushimi and jack quaid to me is that like is that like like when people eat raw fish at a japanese restaurant i'm done now steve buscemi really likes that sashimi yeah all right [ __ ] off all right mike what's her next tape it's your party a visual adventure in libations and hilarity how to throw your own party quick and easy techniques for cocktails and what's that word rich hors d'oeuvres [ __ ] off [Music] i underestimated you so rich why don't you tell us all about our next film our next tape is how to have cyber sex on the internet safe sex encounters tape live tape live taped taped live oh like do they do in front of an audience i mean that's that's what it sounds like the the the video is taped live while someone's having a safe sex cyber sex encounter on the internet i think it must have been hard for him to take the video one-handed what's your next tip like why it's our old friends the silver foxes this time with richard simmons oh my god i mean richard simmons it's that's it's instantly got to be a jump in quality right what they desperately needed the last time we watched the silver foxes was someone to instruct them don't worry if you're not following the exercises perfect just keep moving and have fun [Music] uh well that's it that's our last film that um we're ready this we're ready to spin well rich since you spent weeks meticulously rebuilding the wheel of the worst why don't you give it a spin all right here we go [Music] oh my gosh how to have cyber sex on the internet oh god okay we can do it you ready to go watch this instructional tape nope well i guess we won't be needing this anymore [Music] [ __ ] my life [Music] [Applause] [Music] computer prices have dramatically come down while performance continually rises for less than fifteen hundred dollars you can grab quite a package i see what they're doing performance outperform rambo this is something i normally do in private but for instructional purposes i'm going to let you watch me have computer sex live on the net we'll also visit others who have mastered the art of one-handed typing and now it's time for the most popular segment on best of the worst the one everybody loves to do and the one everybody loves to watch it's black spine i was hoping for his like couple some applause or oh no like it was cheers or something for me to put that put that in post just yeah i'll have to fake that get some sound effects because it's just dead silent [Music] well you know the game josh actually i don't i've never done this before we'll pick a tape oh four line comics 10 minutes 40 seconds what is what is it called four line comics for line c-o-n-i-c-s f-o-u-r line conics yeah not com mix no comic mix okay and not canucks even though it does appear to be canadian right hmm okay four line conics eh god only knows what this could be let's go find out all right lack of any audio is is unnerving me is it like an art installation thing no i think josh is right like this is settle down class it's about to start i think this is something they show in a classroom to explain mathematical phenomena your teacher is reading this blah blah yeah we're going by the assumption this is about math yes i mean here is a range of conics a varying conic touching four fixed lines iconic is the circularly thing we going rich shut up i know how this works 95 000 basic computer literacy well we all need a little refresher on basic computer illiteracy i just need a refresher on literacy you do this actually says four line comics [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh no she's going into video world oh oh my god the devil the devil disappeared you have to push the wrong button [Music] who made this other one we're going again this is what we're doing with our time it's a beautiful day out it's 75 degrees out the weather in wisconsin has been wonderful lately but we're watching black spine tape so why don't you pick one oh god oh monsters of rock and roar oh well this sounds some like something special if you experience picture problems adjust tracking control [Music] we'll give it a chance maybe there'll be a storyline that's monster trucks [Music] oh wow oh is truckasaurus gonna eat a car jesus yeah they still do monster truck [ __ ] is this little thing whoa well mike now it's your turn the pressure's on me don't pick that one [Music] scathes what was that other video about literacy maybe we need to pull that one out no it does say skates michael's saying it probably scares me [Applause] well this is now the most intriguing tape of the day new member orientation 1996 to 1997. oh it's an orientation video this is an acronym for the secret cult and something something something something society of secret society and international hotel hotel services yeah that's definitely what it is could very well be that well let's go watch we're here because of the providence of the lord nope nope well we're in it now i feel like the pressure's on uh to get something watchable we'll go for it okay [Music] oh a true black spine it's blank everybody it's blank we don't know what is on there and it's light which means it's short picked a winner jay i'm ready to go home early unless it's something creepy and disturbing you picked a winner all right [Music] hey josh hey mike it's time for a little plate ghetto all right well let's talk about what movies we have oh sure well today we've got nuki and after that is nuki oh and then we've got nuki then there's uh nuki oh and also nuki then there's of course as always players choice oh and then there's nuki knuck eating oh nuki oh oh oh uh and then after that uh nuki rated pg yeah and then uh her ninth tape nuki and finally uh we got nuki yes all right so josh you ready to drop the ball oh gosh well i'm hoping for a new key but you know if i hit player's choice maybe i'll go with new key good call thanks me personally i'm hoping for nuki well we'll see we'll get on up that ladder josh oh boy and let's find out which one of these film we're gonna watch if you're all ready all right here we go oh my god come on nuki oh my god oh my god suspense is killing me oh man [Music] what'd i get you got fateful findings a neil breen film [Music] would you would you look at that i thought i don't know i thought pretty i was pretty certain we were going to get new key [Music] what is this oh my god why is he bleeding again when he wasn't before why did this woman agree to do this i thought he took that off of his face already and it was on the floor yeah what what why for money what you're not supposed to get it wet honey cash but how much cash a lot of money she's doing it for non-functional tokens no more books no more books no more books no more books happy 100 uh happy i mean can't be the word you want to use 100th episode it's an achievement yeah i could certainly say that it's a perseverance yeah this is a this is a monument to fortitude this was like like getting to the top of mount everest and finding another smaller mountain i don't know i don't quite know how to say it like it doesn't feel like we have achieved anything it feels like we've made a setback it feels like getting to the top of mount everest i'm wondering why the [ __ ] you did that yourself because we watched uh a bunch of stuff i'll just say stuff yeah yeah that was a pile of stuff this this was an amuse-bouge of uh of of the best of the most smorgasbord would be the better word tiny tastings of all of those this was this was a this was a this was a groaning smorgasbord yeah yeah we start we i mean we had the wheel out there we had the plinketto board which randomizes feature films and we had the least favorite thing of anybody a black spine this was my first experience with it today and uh i hate it yeah i hate it you know what i'm gonna say black's bryant black spine has grown on me okay for one reason like a fungus like a fungus yes okay but if we don't like something we can just turn it the [ __ ] off there is that there is that sure yeah it is the most lenient of the formats i wouldn't have watched nearly as much of how to have cyber sex on the internet if it were a black spot right right all right right here we started watching it and we just said [ __ ] this [Music] that's what girls do that's how cyber sex works i you're always talking to two sexy topless ladies yes always that's definitely is on the other end of that this is something i normally do in private but for instructional purposes i'm going to let you watch me have computer sex live on the net now i don't believe you are you bringing the ducks tell me more about the ducks she's by the lake in the beginning with the ducks wants to let you know that we're going to watch some cyber sex today yeah ducks and lakes and and foliage and trees make me think of cyber sex so the but the point when you when you live on walden's pond what do you what do you what do you think you're doing when you go under your log cabin and there's nothing else to do that's true oh do you think my beard is full of birds how do you look jack would you like to tell us how to have cyber sex on the internet son of a [ __ ] richard you did it nice job my friend proud of you happy 100 everyone i'm 105 pounds petite peta my name is peace i'm trying to say i'm pete oh take off my sweater my giant sweater i'm gonna let them know why are you leaning back like that that's so weird so you can see her when she takes her giant sweater off um it takes some time with this sweater well no it's just terrible i said wait for my clothes you [ __ ] don't do it lady so the premise of this tape is an it's an instructional video on the logistics of having cyber sex in like an aol type chat room you know damn well that's that's right no no that's the selling point sorry that's the selling point what this actually is is shirtless women engaging in fictional cyber sex towards actual people in what can best be described as uncomfortable poses okay now he's asking me if i ate him the tape well the tape is a scam right yes number one we'll get into that but easy-peasy early days of the internet aol uh compuserve uh what are some of the other services that provided audio galaxies yeah so i think the gimmick was because it says uh something about safe sex encounters i don't know it says safe sex encounters taped live right there's nothing safer yeah so whoever produced this video some kind of creepy pervert got some ladies to come in into his grandma's living room and and to take your shirts off and and like type perverted things into an anonymous user and on the screen you can see that it's probably a real thing that they recreated in a fictional thing on the full full screen size not very well i seen any types then i would let you take the tip of my between this yeah they just randomly decide when to have the text go like this and when to just have the whole word appear there's no no consistency she's lost the instructional part and now we're just observing yeah i guess lawyering on her conversation she's not disturbing that yeah she looks bored rich this is the definition of sexy what's going on right now listen no this is flat the lighting is flat the shot is weird because it's not even like centered on on her in a weird like she's leaning back yeah we're still wearing her mom jeans at first we thought they were pretending right to have cyber sex and this this is all gonna end up being scripted the whole the whole setup of the screen is blatantly fake it's like dot-com net.com yeah and the words the words don't appear as they're typing they're just kind of randomly sort of show up at various speeds it was it was so amazingly awkward what was going on that we started to realize that they might be talking to real people i'd [ __ ] you slow and very very hard until you begged me to stop but i think he might have gotten a phone call he didn't like your story lady yeah anymore i don't know if you're gonna script out cyber sex you're not going to say the user logged off the user yeah it was happening repeatedly wait wait hold on i don't want to get it on the keyboard that's why they have keyboard covers [Music] gotta go bye done with you just the way things were phrased you know and and it's like if you scripted it you'd be like okay well now this happens this happens you'd actually build in a sort of an arc to it which the ladies are trying to do but the men presumably or women on the other side are really a lot more interested in orgasms and they want to kind of get to that real quick yes send you jerky well there's one there's one uh character they were talking to that was clearly a virginal teenager who was like i i will do you so hard and i want to touch your boobs what do they feel like what do your tits feel like like rocks or silicone like a bag of sand there's one yeah i was gonna say like the way this guy's typing we're talking to like a virginal teenager well there was there was the one lady who really wanted to make sure that you knew that she was a lady oh yes said repeatedly at the beginning 20 years old blonde m lady am definitely lady female lady female type lady person am lady girl i am lady i am lazy i am lady hi baby just for the record i'm lady lady this is going off the rails see that's that would immediately make me think that you were neither a lady nor a female i swear to god no penis hey lady have lady bits because they put the mic right by the [ __ ] mechanical keyboard damn we know that we noticed that the little lavalier mic because there's no place to put a lavalier on the topless lady there really isn't learned a little something today about that [Music] obviously production was not their strong suit i think as evidenced by the camera angle i don't even think it was their weak suit it just wasn't there rich rich wait wait rich rich you when when you're when you're watching this right like say say you yourself rich were a pervert right and you wanted to make a video like this right how would you how would you shoot it i would want to see their okay no we kind of could but it was from like a weird like yes how would you how would you design this the shots okay paint the picture for us right now well the way i i would probably move the camera as a pervert as a definite pervert i would move the camera so that it was over closer to behind the computer so you could see the subjects of the video you can see their faces you can see the face that's very important in their reactions yes jack i do think the faces are the most important okay in this situation can i ask you a question yeah um you know uh treat me as as one of these one of these ladies with the boobs um what sort of angle should i be sitting at can i can i look at this it depends where the camera is how far down should i slouch [Laughter] as a well-endowed female i think you should i think you should hunch over awkwardly yeah you like eat like a punch like a hunch like smeagol or or maybe like you know like you know flawed what you or or should you yeah no i think should you look like you have pre-osteoporosis in your spine and and maybe like because there's nothing sexier than knowing someone's going to grow old that was the most amazing thing i i believe that these were either you know strippers or porn actresses and they were i believe giving a hundred percent they were trying to add to the scene they were trying to make video and the people they were talking to were just trying to get off exactly that's not a hundred percent though what i'm saying is they were building the scene within our imagination this was disgusting this was absolutely i was disgusting because i know one of those people was you and and i i just i'm tagging out i'm backing out gonna get your ass in here jay i'm tagging them [Music] listen jay-z jay's here to finish this all off on cyber sex so i was told i was supposed to come here to talk about how much of a pervert rich evans is oh yeah i am cumin do you think was it the director's job to tell him to sit up straight i i mean it's the director's job to get angles that make the women in the video look attractive because that's also true of the video that's true so he was a failure see my legs are open and you can see my pink skin peeking through my brush which bush senior or junior jeb see my pink skin peeking through my clinton well we're already starting from the back of grandma's kitchen the dining room table yeah but but is it the point of the video and we talked about a little bit during the um during the just you know while we're reviewing it but it really did seem like specifically it is geared because it seems extremely niche it's not just like oh i want to look at boobs you got a lot of options for that you got a lot of more options you know if you want to go further than that this is a very specific thing like these are shirtless topless women all pants stay on all those mom jeans are just staying up they're way up there and they're having this chat so our general theory on that was that this is meant to be played in the background while men are in these chat rooms while they do the cyber sex while they do the cyber sex to give them like a visual aid yeah this is who i'm talking if they if they're if their imaginations themselves will not take it far enough yeah that's why the taped live is the really important part it's really key i think oh you're killed i think he's a lesbian oh which one has a kilt [Laughter] i i think you can still tape it live and have it look good and have the girls look sexy i think you can have the best of both worlds if you put in like a modicum of effort here jack let's let's think about it this way you have one money and no camera no wait the other way around [Laughter] no you were right yeah you want money okay what would you do what would you what would you change in this situation you have the girls yeah they're there they're ready to take their tops off yeah you have the computer you have 10 hours of free aol uh okay lower the camera move it to the left tell the girls to sit up straight god damn it okay but tell them to tell the the women to look like they're into it or something oh direction yeah yeah because as it is it should just be called girls gone mild rich [Applause] the chairs are just [Laughter] i guess the empty left [Music] now i'm going to type what would you like to do to me this is the most pathetic video that's the most pathetic thing is he typing anything back but i think he might have gotten a phone call [Music] speaking of leaving oh oh no i get to leave now oh oh oh i gotta stay here yeah you gotta stay here okay you know why because it's time to talk about black spine videos now we're moving on to four line comics yeah i i picked this one out and uh man it's a trip i'm sure that uh if it means something to somebody if we could understand the math involved behind this it would be fascinating here is a range of conics a varying conic touching four fixed lines iconic is the circley thing what oh and the lines are the lines there are four of them but we don't understand the math not a so what we did was we looked at the pretty lines and then we turned it off now in red is the line conjugate to the first line now in blue i got a d minus whatever this is it was fascinating because it's an older film clearly like it's definitely like 50 60s i want to say yeah uh but the weird fix though i don't think they could have done that in the 50s it's just animation let's just draw lines if they can make betty boop dance they can get the lines down okay they can make four line comics they're very straight lines oh they they use they used a protractor probably a protractor and a and a t-square yeah sure why not you know always pole and polar are the same color what i mean i know these are english words but in this order i don't know what they mean it makes you want to put on the tron legacy soundtrack that oh sure yeah you want to go we would show us an example here but our channel would get a copyright claim just imagine just pretend yeah it makes you want to listen to generic synth music while watching oh we can play that [Music] so that's that's that we're done what's next what's next uh basic computer literacy who pulled this one this is me what are the highlights this is some magic right here this was something different [Applause] whoa oh my god they wrote it backwards oh that took six weeks to render take that pixar [Music] [Applause] [Music] mia ferro's had a hell of a year she's gonna learn all about computers she can't check her don't look at woody's computer this is the tale of a sad frumpy housewife who is terrified of computers she's not that frumpy she's kind of she's kind of she exemplifies she acts like like her children just died which they may have [Music] maybe if we sent the kids to the jungle for camp this summer and sold your mother to the foreign slave traders it might help our attitude [Music] well i know your son ferris is a real problem i was just trying to get your attention it's a whole new area for me there's so much to learn i'm intimidated already why is this so intense everyone's job performance is going to be linked to how well we use these machines this was part of her acting reel for decades i saw an article about that very thing today you're wrong about women not understanding computers i told you i hated byron king counted what the [ __ ] boy this article is a different color than the rest of the paper that's bizarre and the text is about mid-summer she's so depressed that when her husband starts going on about like her children being kidnapped into slavery yeah this doesn't rouse her out of her deep dark depression she's completely oblivious because these terrible terrible computers have come to take over her job what could happen so one night she has a terrible nightmare with with with thunderstorms and and satan taking over her computer oh no no not the micro machines guys princess died oh no kathy gifford after her co-workers laughed at her she tore their faces off you won't laugh at me anymore get to the computer literacy part i don't this is the winner guys this wins this is bizarre it'll be hard to beat this is uh what i was expecting no it's a giant gameboy but then the friendly computer ghost shows up to explain a bunch of things that she couldn't possibly understand the word computer comes from the latin word meaning to reckon consider or think some called read-only memory other chips provide random excess memory a central processing unit the tapes and disks peter hardware responds to electrical switching controls zero and one form the basis for the binary ascii scientific decimal fractions wow and this makes her feel better for absolutely no good reason because she still doesn't know how to use the [ __ ] computer i'm gonna tell you something after watching this i think i forgot how to use computers yeah i know less about computers now than i did before we watched this thing that's interesting i had this vision of people who work with computers as well yes as some kind of antisocial nerd nerd the word tastes awful like when it says like the basics you think like okay you type c colon slash directory to get the you know they didn't have that how to use the word processor instead it's more of a fantasy story it's like a fantastical mystery tale of of magic and wonder and it doesn't have any any connection to reality indeed your modern computers would make even the most accomplished wizard of my day turn green with envy she is uncomfortable by this fact she's just from another century not a fantasy world right most importantly the computers or analytical engine as they were called in my day were made of gears like a clock so this isn't going to teach us how to use the computer isn't it no this is just going to be about coming to terms with the existence of computers i think they're going to get to like turning it on what a mouse does and like browsing the baby you're going to lose your job but we want to make you feel better about it because yeah they can't get into what you have to do with the computer at your job because it could be so many things we can't go that far is that a type of acid that oh now it makes no videos now the computers are full of bunnies frankenstein's there sure like like hi welcome to basic com what what basic computer basic computer illiteracy i am i'm you know whatever narrator man some guy in a library in front of all the computers first thing you do turn on your monitor you want to make sure your monitor is on power up your computer hit boot right right we're talking basic theory yes eve ordinary beach sand is mostly silicon highly purified silicon is used to make semiconductors knowing what the [ __ ] a transistor is is not gonna do anything to save this woman's job she has a lesbian relationship with the ghost of computers past they do it all they do fall in love they do it they they they have very emotional it's like like a victorian era uh lady whether this is a dream or reality for your mind is something you'll have to answer for yourself but why it is your choice really i can be perhaps to help you our frumpy housewife who sounds like shelly duvall from the shiner everyone's job performance is gonna be linked to how well we use these machines this particular occasion my husband just used too much strength and he entered danny's arm both of their children were being molested this is true yeah jackson being molested he was abused jack torrance was [ __ ] dead no everybody that's a theory everybody knows the subtext of the shining that [ __ ] it's just the sort of thing you do 100 times with a child you know in the park or in the streets [ __ ] subtitles everyone knows what the shining is really about it's about the moon landing mike shut up you see danny's sweater did you know goddamn conquest of the american west john it's true it's true hasn't anybody seen that documentary that's full of [ __ ] jack torrance was the bear close the door close the door we're talking about stanley kubrick which is appropriate for this video because there are very few working assignments to it this computer training video does feel like the shining it is not how many people have said that it is not anything close to what we would have expected from a video like this this computer video does feel like the shining i'm gonna quote that right when they re-release this on blu-ray that'll be on the box [Music] do you remember that scene in the shining where they explained that ram was made out of sand oh yeah yeah yeah it was great but the twin girls who were dead yeah who were butchered by an axe explain how a cpu works [Music] wow when the when when the caretaker got killed with an axe when he was trying to explain what a disk drive does that's what it was [Music] [Applause] so you just put the disc in the drive random access memory random access memory oh jesus computers will play an ever increasing role in your society your children accept them just as commonplace as you accept radio and television you need to clean that mirror too yeah what is all that [ __ ] that's uh that's the mirror at the sex shop bad job usually usually there's uh naked ladies behind there yeah like no they just can't the lights aren't audiences yeah it's the only place they could afford to shoot i just kept waiting for them to explain how cyber sex works in this video but they didn't get into it that's volume two the two ladies were about to they were well that wasn't cyber sex that was ghost sex there were that was true god she's like if you didn't have resting [ __ ] face i would log on to an aol cyber sex chat room with you and we could chat with a 12 year old boy [Music] it's okay because also inside your computer is an exorcist oh thank you [Laughter] i was just surprised that anyone was in there at all that's interesting uh uh i'm taking it out jack's coming back because he did the monsoon monsters of rock and roll we're only going to talk about it for five seconds he's out oh jesus i'll be back for the next couple before all right so monsters of rock and roar is a monster truck rally okay bye oh my god you're [Laughter] that's right so monsters well we did discover what skates is 86.97 oh oh what's the g past year which you will hear about this year uh or today at first we we started skates and i said is it going to be a guy at a podium and is it going to be jesus and it turns out instantly guy had a guy at the podium in front of a cross it was a church yeah and he started talking we're here because of the providence of the lord and let's go to him now and open this session father we are so thankful tell us what scavenge mean did we guess we guessed at the acronym my guess was south carolina association of international hotel service something yeah that was my guess none of us could have guessed it was about homeschooling as they have called upon her and her expertise in setting up organizations and dealing with how to support homeschooling families right it was south carolina south carolina yeah that count you heard of something something it's the south carolina association of independent home schools mann was introducing the president of skaves and then we shut it off according to the website of south carolina's home school association uh the scary's organization uh is has no religious affiliation oh we got your number right here we got proof we got approved we got the receipts but as we opened today let us remember that um we're here because of the providence of the lord you got cancelled you just ruined our proof jack they were jack in a destroyed our evidence oh we have on on dvd yeah we digitized it you guys were having your meeting in a church and you were talking about the jesus and you were talking about the jesus and religious affiliation none bye skates well good thing we recorded it to david day although we only recorded the first five seconds and then we stopped the tape all together my goal in life was to take down the south carolina independent historical society of homeschooling yes or whatever it is that was my one goal in life i'm sorry mike yeah i'm sorry i let my he used to tell me that all the time back in high school i know you talked about it constantly how irritated you were by those those those lousy skates in south carolina because the way that they have recognized the primary role you know what let's let's pray away this case [ __ ] so our last tape the blankest of tapes yeah nothing on it nothing on it jay do you remember what we watched uh this is how to prepare a funeral how to prepare for a funeral starring blanche devereaux from the golden girls i never really thought about that she was the horny one yeah she made her husband stiff one last time [Laughter] well it starts with a flashback of their 50th winning wedding anniversary oh yeah party yeah which i guess he died that same night which is really unfortunate well no there was a polaroid photograph that was taken at the event and blanche was holding it with flash forward maybe 20 five years 10 years were you going to say 20 20 years you're being really generous she looks roughly the same so we're going to say like we're going to say like six minutes maybe the next day that night it was too much for for harold yeah the old ticker gave out at the at the 50 50. he wanted to try some cyber sex and it just maybe she rolled out the the cart full of cocaine and said you know harold hey why not you know we're retired [ __ ] it you only live once if it's any consolation rest assured you did all the right things i felt so inadequate i really didn't know what to do there's nothing more you could have done did you hear that you're going to do very well here this morning that like his ghost he wanted the inheritance um that's it it's how to prepare for a funeral and ironically uh the tape dies she must remember to notify distant friends and relatives as well as business associates depending on religion she needs to contact the clergy and coordinate their involvement a brief grave died there's a crease in the [ __ ] tape often followed by us oh guys the ghost is trying to get out now oh no my death will be avenged mr mccracken's gonna start climbing out of the white screen here [Laughter] tape wants to get it over with and slowly fast forwarding a bit if wood is selected a sealed cement protective wall is suggested to flood's about to start tripping from the corners you push the wrong button you have pushed the wrong button oh it's starting to oh it's starting to like wobble inside and out now i love it yeah yeah the whole images no one can be expected to think of all the things except for someone who i'm stirring money in the bank i just haven't had a chance [Music] [Music] it's hanging in there for dear life [Music] although the average funeral and burials usually cost less than many people expect they still are a significant experience there are many ways to play for a few girls oh i hope the tape comes out it was the most exciting thing that maybe has ever happened at any moment but like art live art was going on for our eyes it's true it's true and we risked the health of our vcr to tell this tale we watched the tape die in front of our eyes you know when you think about it this whole show is kind of a one giant wake for vhs we all we all gather around this table and we reminisce about the good times and we're usually miserable while doing it yeah like just like a wave like a wig i mean the not so good times too yeah like cyber sex on the internet yeah for those ladies who are now someone's grandparents yeah mike art preservation is not always pretty that's what we're committed to here preservation of art oh this is monsters of rock and roll we're committed to the preservation of art jack did you do something funny [Laughter] or i can let you return to that hideous place you just came from please don't [Music] who's who's actually doing this i think this is just a group effort i'm this is a i'm hoarse right now i'm losing my voice because of the last 10 minutes of this movie and i i can't explain this thing without completely losing my voice here's the plot of the movie when neil breen was a child him and his best friend found a magic mushroom that turned into a jewelry box that gave them a obsidian cube and some rocks the girl turned the rocks into a bracelet and he took the cube and held on to it and then they never saw each other again for both 40 years and also 10 years they aged differently they aged differently is that you it is isn't it so then ten and or forty years later neil breen is on the floor and and ten ten and forty years later neil breen is on the phone with his russian wife when he gets hit by a rolls-royce hi yeah are you on your way home okay so great he's not talking he doesn't know where he is i'm somewhere where i don't know where i am wait are you supposed to be talking yeah you're supposed to be talking to her who are all these people i wait where are what what what can you hear me oh no what's going on talk to me he didn't he hasn't talked to you this whole time no i got it by rolls royce who are all these people where so neil brain gets killed by a stripper where he goes to the hospital and his doctor is his childhood best friend who he hasn't seen in both 10 and 40 years and then he goes home and he takes a shower because he's fine after getting hit by a car except for the bleeding and he's both covered with blood and not covered with blood and then his russian wife walks into the shower and has awkward horrible disgusting sex with him and then neil breen also has a best friend yeah whose wife doesn't want to sleep with him we don't have sex anymore where did that come from where did that come from and then in the very next scene he does not want to sleep with his wife she wants to sleep with him even though he has a ferrari you care more about that car than me you would rather be drunk in here than with me and then they have a party yeah and the friend comes on to the russian-speaking wife get away from me jim you're drunk and staying further away jesus why can't we see their faces party because that wasn't him oh okay that's over yeah i'm glad that was resolved cheers and then his wife shoots him because he still doesn't want to have sex with her i'm going to shoot this damn car off full of holes no no no and then being a wise the wife instantly frames it so that as the friend committed suicidally he killed himself just in time for neil brain to come in and have a dramatic scene with the friend i can't believe you committed suicide i cannot believe you committed suicide how could you have done this how could you have committed suicide oh [ __ ] i powered down for a second there how could you have done this how could you have committed suicide i can't help you out of this one jim [Music] suicide [Applause] oh anyway did that he's reading his own book how could jim have killed himself and then neil breen is also we got oh god i forgot he's talking he's talking to a psychiatrist and getting drugs that he is not taking but his wife is taking his drugs she's so addicted to them that she'll dig them out of the toilet neil breen decides in his neil brain wisdom that he doesn't need his drugs anymore but neil breen is also talking to a different psychiatrist who is an old woman and doesn't have an office but instead has two folding chairs and she tells neil breen that he is a special magical child who was destined to have the magic space rock [Music] and the milbreen meets his friend from 10 and 40 years ago because she's so they go back into the woods and they both reborn it's the thing and the cube into the jewelry box which turns back into a mushroom yes and his wife dies and then later on neil brain still has the cube even though he buried the cube and it vanishes what but then in a later scene after that where we see an alarm clock the cube is back on his nightstand but the cubicle vanishes again oh and oh by the way i forgot neil breen is an author but he's also the world's best computer hack why not and he's writing a book but he's not really writing a book no he is in fact hacking all of the thing [Music] rich it goes without saying that neil breen is the world's greatest computer hacker that goes without saying you didn't even need to mention that this is a neil breen movie so this whole time neil breen has been hacking the world yes to get the information that would hurt the governments but the governments don't want billbrain to have the information so after neil his wife russian wife commits suicide after she betrays him and gives all of his hacking secrets his psychiatrist who's in power for somebody who's in power for some reason then she kills herself by taking the pills that she took out of the toilet when she drinks down presumably not with toilet water we hope who knows so this leaves nilbrain free to have a new wife yes who is his 10 and 40 years ago best friend she's no longer fiance by the government i'm not ready for this but fortunately he also drops a note that tells neil brade exactly where he's taking his new wife very slowly so neil brain goes there where he turns intangible walks through a wall and instead of untying her wife he takes her blindfold off then back on so that the new wife doesn't see him turn them both intangible where they walk out of the building he has power and and then the last 10 minutes of the movie happens and we were all very happy [Music] my one tiny nitpick is you forgot about the ghost that was also nearby oh yeah there was a ghost there was so many nuances neil breen ghost knew that his lady psychiatrist was also a ghost when he met with the three ghosts in the desert to read the ghost book here's the thing that's my titans are they affiliated with the the turning animal skeleton [Music] what was up with the ghost king the ghost cake oh my god there's a ghost cake that's a book it's not an actual cake it's a book and we decided it looks like a cake it very much looks like rich what was up with the with the garbage room oh that's right yeah i forgot about the garbage bags you missed so much uh we lost rich he lost he's gone he's done [Music] [Applause] okay if we are going to dissect this movie as if it were an actual movie let's don't forget this is what we are going to do to do what i believe neil breen is trying to say is after a near-death experience he re-prioritized his life i'm with jack on this one they normally put the oxygen mask over gauze that's covering your entire face after after that i think the entire film is a bit of a metaphor for kind of reevaluating your life that's when neil breen says hey publisher i'm not meeting your deadline no more books these [ __ ] time books signing these books because i'm so famous oh i didn't even write them oh yeah bob woodward wrote them no more damn books no more books i don't need these i'm not going to take these anymore [Applause] your pill taking for pain relief has gotten out of control if i were if i were eating neil breen's pills how would i do it i wouldn't i would say this one's for urinary incontinence you're talking about real neo breeds pills yeah that's the joke that's the joke he has he has fly he has flowmax and yes he has like a like like like blood pressure pills yeah and like cholesterol anything for his ego in there no um nothing can check that nothing maybe some like you know little uh psychologist you were not making progress on your second book i offered you medication that would help you i'm feeling less stable [Laughter] josh tell us all about the 168 year old man who has sex with a 16 year old girl does not he says no he says you are bad and you get out of my pocket i don't want this why do you keep swimming topless in my swimming pool please do not take a bubble bath in my house you just love me i'm neil breen i'm i'm i i radiate sexually i know you want this business but you have to leave you have to 16 year old girl i'm 148 year old this is not good no no let's not do anything weird i hope moving in stereo doesn't start playing why why are you doing this yeah she's at his house that's the other guy's step daughter yeah yeah dylan she can't resist yourself so right i mean you should put that back on and you should probably also leave oh that's done okay i'll tell your parents what you did today oh no don't do it no you had to take a bath after you were in the pool for 20 seconds getting freaked out why is she taking a bath at their house uh you got to close the drain before emily you're home early [Laughter] no this is weird he knows it's weird yeah okay but you also wrote that brain so you know but it's [ __ ] up well it's so poorly executed if that's what's supposed to be happening oh she got distracted the 43 year old russian girl is too young for neil green [Laughter] the 16 year old is far too young for neil breen so this is how we know that neil breen is a good person because anybody because he writes scenes where he turns down 16 year olds when he writes scenes that 16 year old girls are attracted to him yeah yeah how could you imagine that any woman in the world would not be attracted to neil brain that's just not right he has gauze on half of his face and he looks like dark man i don't like it but it's apparently a fact maybe she was just attracted to all of his laptops ooh he's got so many he's got so many laptops they're never turned on but no they don't they don't work they don't work not one of them but they're there as a writer what would you use the other laptops for research research research research he's researching a lot of stuff jack government banks uh what else is he trying to take business government businessman government research lies true true life jamie lacrosse corruption true lies the movie he tries the movie he just streams true recall recall all right back to work all right stay away from me oh my god that was the scene a solid 80 of this movie is a relationship drama where everybody's kind of cheating on everybody else and somebody wants to [ __ ] somebody doesn't want to [ __ ] and then somebody finds their true lost love it's kind of a plus like conspiratorial or uh fantasy really better than his other movies with i think all of his other movies that we've watched it's really kind of strewn throughout the movie and he does allude to it now and again which is like i'm doing research i've got so much to do i'll never get done i'm going to continue hacking into these government systems to see what i can find out about all this national and international corruption i know is going on this is a romantic drama is and then all of a sudden at the very end of the movie after the romance plot is is concluded he holds a press conference and then everybody [ __ ] kills themselves what the [ __ ] it's brilliant it's [ __ ] brilliant [Music] i want to be honest with all of you look at his mic stan look at his pvc t connectors painted black t-connectors i have discovered more information than any hacker ever has ever [Music] [Applause] [Music] who are those people important senators here are the files [Music] payoffs and greed who are you always the prize editor of my company like many companies [Music] what i'm afraid of going to prison they now know my crimes why are you admitting this the people who elected me because the documents deserve someone who cares about them this guy going to kill himself too oh my god how many butterflies are we going to get oh yeah oh he's going to hang himself look at how happy neil brennan is look at how happy he is [Music] [Applause] i resigned today as president of the bank president of the bank [Music] [Music] and other insurance companies are about to be indicted for crimes we've committed the people are they going to shoot each other there you go hey kill yourself that's the same garage with the ferrari yeah that's neil green's garage yeah why would you roll the window ferrari it's a good question mike you're killing yourself also left the door open pills cheating about customers fraud victory pills wow the real problem those pills work [ __ ] quick look at that [ __ ] body body body bunny body buddy down the street down the street not across my friend come on his wrist with a cheap stick knife at least he had a lot of brandy first these files will prove to all of you he hasn't even said what information he has well they were happy to show up there for the press conference hanging out and they're all hanging out at the side with big smiles on their faces big smiles on their faces oh he's gonna he's gonna expose us he doesn't he doesn't say what dirty has he just says i have all of the dirt on the bank and then the big guy walks up to the podium the nose right in the nose break the cheek get him catch him i won't even catch a bullet anime is that what i have here huh oh what happened that's cool it will scare you wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what happened magic made the bullet he shot hit himself in the head you now have all the truth neil the royal truth what happened to the guy neil act now on your own outside of the corporate systems and these incompetent politicians act now what are we supposed to do dial the 800. old man hacks at clubs [Laughter] nice oh that's nice [Music] you guys it's a magical day all right happy 100 everybody we can be done now we never have to watch another movie i think we've done it it's probably the most coherent movie neil breen has made to date it's just the division it's the clear division it's the clear division of love story libertarian fantasy and it's right but the fact that you said clear division is something you've never been able to say in relation to neil breen before that is true that is true um well i don't know if we can really do a best of the worst we can't wow well it's it's past it's as i say pass through i mean it is the best of the worst for this episode is pass through yes absolutely my vote for best of the worst is how to have cyber sex on the internet why i'm fine that you say that but i want to know why are you asking me to have cyber sex no no where's your vote it's it's a fateful findings yeah yeah of course it is jay my pick for best of the worst is nukey [Music] we we did it folks get out of here we limp past the finish line what is best of the worst nothing [Music] it's all on you mike finish the episode all right all right so [Music] um [Music] cyber sex how to have cyber sex on the internet [Music] is [Music] [Applause] [Music] right [Music] oh no it's fine that's fine it's fine oh that was close guys oh boy precious expensive laptop now i died had to get his face in there that's how it's done

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 2,461,508

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: M2MgjPrSVX0

Length: 79min 40sec (4780 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 22 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/QuadraKev_]

YOU HAVE PUSHED THE WRONG BUTTON

[u/Cross88]

How could you have done this. How could you have committed suicide. 😐

[u/DankWhiteTee]

The black-spined plinketto is a very dangerous lizard that bites kids

[u/bjkman]

Fuck I thought we were getting Nukie but Neil Breen is wonderful

[u/Thatoneguy3273]

The editing on this is fucking on point goddamn

[u/TheBlueBlaze]

It wouldn't have surprised me if their 100th episode was a five minute clip of them destroying half of their library of unwatched tapes.

Still, I've watched every episode of this show since discovering them about 5 years ago, and this kind of polished but scrappy and organized but improvisational comedy is still hard to come by. It was one of the things that really introduced me to the sheer amount of bad and middling movies as well as shaped my sense of humor.

A great man once said that it takes a lot of effort to make things look effortless, and this show discovered a working formula and great hosts to run it that way. Some episodes are certified classics, and I wouldn't trade anything for the experience and hilarity this show has given.

[u/stickflip]

think they mightve forgot to censor the other girl here https://youtu.be/M2MgjPrSVX0?t=1572

edit: youtube tiddy is no more

[u/TrueButNotProvable]

"Starring Blanche Devereaux, from The Golden Girls."

"She was the horny one!"

"She made her husband stiff one last time."

Uh, actually, even though Blanche was the horny one, Rose's husband died while having sex with Rose. The fact that they didn't bring that up really makes me question these guys' knowledge of Golden Girls lore.

[u/platonicgryphon]

How could they just barely speak about BAFTA AWARD WINNING FILM FOUR LINE CONICS!!!!!!