Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Worst #22

[Music] kurt cobain could see what his fans look like today he'd kill himself huh yeah yeah hi tim hi rich you know you know speaking of killing yourself yeah we've got the wheel it's my first wheel i'm sorry i'm so [ __ ] sorry but alas it is the wheel of the worst a torture device for the modern age a spin of three your torture will be dvds and tapes to seal your fates it's now time to spin the wheel of the worst what's on the wheel all right first we got come see what first aid you can do none next we have dino and rocco blarney it ain't no picnic oh my god yeah that's that's that's that's that's wholly unique in original character is it for children cause that lady should not be in her like you know you know what i'm i'm going with raunchy adult parody oh yeah i can't wait tim noah in search of the wow wow wibble wobble wazzy woodlewoo also known as the clitoris you know i can't top that bit followed by high impact forklift safety and i'm very hopeful for this because on the cover you can clearly see a mangled body oh my goodness underneath that forklift so my expectations are sky high aerobic self defense a complete workout program for everyone not just another workout this one may save your life you know what this is this is a real time saver because you know you know the 80s you had you know self-defense videos or workout videos and someone had a brilliant idea let's just let's just put that chocolate in that peanut butter [Laughter] now we have david carradine spirit oh i was gonna say spiritual fitness it's not it's viral fitness beginnings so like kung fu the legend begins but it's spiral fitness the legend begins pool noodles taking a look at his his grip and he he really needs to choke up hi [Laughter] all right next 10 crunchy carrots with charlotte diamond and david you know what he watches from the closet as she chomps away i believe we've had charlotte diamond on before so that that should be quality uh charlotte diamond diamonds and dragons the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] is it it's just a lady 10 favorite songs for the whole family from charlotte's award-winning recordings i can barely stand anymore jesus christ this could be like a carrot-eating instructional video it's all gonna be from it's like brought to you by your prosthetist the current corporation the the carrot advocacy association doctors that's what i say yeah we got big carrot made that video [ __ ] them [ __ ] me carrot and and [ __ ] t-bone's world of clowning jesus [ __ ] christ look at that this it's that it's frightening i don't want to watch it i don't either oh god i hope we don't land on that i'll have nightmares five to 99. i can't wait to level a hundred i won't have to watch this video wait wait wait is this 5 to 99 5 to 99. ages 2 to 200. we can never get away from it that's bizarre who the [ __ ] 200 years old that doesn't make any [ __ ] sense i think we topped out at 115 so far they always are the sprites before they go would you like to spin the wheel yes all right my first time spinning the wheel and i'm excited make it a good one oh noah okay well we're gonna go on the voyage to find the wow wow wibble waggle wazzle there's somebody somebody tapes on here that's this is the one you landed on i used my weak arm that's the one you landed on my friend [Music] hey you yeah i mean you i got a message for you don't look in the closet all right and now the new one by the screeching [Music] it will never get old oh weasel was a woozle wuzzle tip i feel bamboozled i feel bamboozled i don't think i'll never lose it ever again tim are you related to him yep okay i'm gonna spit now since you started off the day with such a bang here and away don't worry t-bone's world of clowning is too good to spin oh crap i was so close to 10 crunchy carrots you failed all right let's go learn about clowning t-bone did you know that clowning has been part of our history for a long long time some of the first clowns known as court jesters entertained for kings and queens they brought lots of smiles to their audiences just like the clowns of today sounds like andy kaufman some of the modern types of clowns yeah that you may be interested in becoming oh my god he he just wanted to be a clown yeah that's why he faked his death came back as t-bone the clown wow look at all this stuff what do i put on first first you have to decide what kind of clown you want to be you mean there's different kinds of clowns scary or really scary the first type of clown is the white face the white face is sophisticated oh don't turn to the next card what type of clown do you want to be um a goose yeah that's a type of clown for me i like the white face makeup is it possible to combine the two no [Laughter] absolutely shuts them down there are strict rules and clowning who are you anyway i'm a new student jennifer t-bone here and this is brian the gym teacher say i went out of this school i don't think i should be alone i'm trying i'm trying to leave but nobody will wheel my wheelchair out of here tim i've come to save the night [Music] spiral fitness david carradine [Music] what is this doing for you how does this work he's holding this that's his chi i'm just moving it around where'd he go i don't know what i just did where's my where's my 50 bucks they forgot to cut that out i'm going to lead you in an exercise that was developed to help increase your rotation and your mobility and strength within your lower arm it is going to also help with the idea of how you can manipulate the stick to and fro not just side to side so that it has a rotation in life of itself how big you get okay we're talking good energy good energy should be fun fun should be a priority with this particular device any way you want to adventure around and just enthusiastically play it's far more important than thinking that you know what you're doing just enjoy you look like an [ __ ] how long can this go on for you know walking down the street you got it whatever you do it's always having like a a living energy i guess i guess i'm i'm stepping up to take charge here [ __ ] it why not you do it we we have done uh another wheel episode it's it's back it's been a while it's been a while it's been almost a year we're running out of good tapes clearly i mean you could you could be saying that for the last seven years reg we have to resort right now to tim noah in search of the wow wow wibble wiggle wazzle woodle wu voodoo hide this is your this is you know what you know what [ __ ] it jay tell us about oh god okay tim noah is a complete complete failure on every level uh this was embarrassing to watch yeah i'm sorry this was a man named tim noah who only has one other credit on imdb he decided that he was going to be a children's entertainer by making a movie where he sits in a monochromatic bedroom and and flails around like a [ __ ] lunatic and sings bad songs that aren't catchy or uh or something that children would be invested in hello hello hey what is the wizzle wubble woggle whatever our theory about tim noah and this is probably wrong but it but based on the video we think he is a spoiled rich kid who went to dramatic arts college got out of college and he had wealthy parents and said wealthy parents bankroll a a pilot 55 minute long pilot for what's going to be the next big thing in children's entertainment me that was a lie you want to know what really happened either either i'm so talented yeah either a pilot or uh some sort of stage production sure that maybe he wanted to turn into a show later or something because the whole thing is it feels like a a stage production it's one set they filmed it on the stage you've seen the end credits yeah yeah it could be his like this audition to broadway i want to take the show to broadway maybe yeah you pay for the camera people can't pay for film uh it was shot on film yeah pay for the best uh set designer um because the set really looks nice yes we talked [Music] where it's monochromatic it's uh it's you know there's some colors it's just like sin city right but it's not bad because if i had a clue then i'd know what to do to find them [Music] i don't think a kid ever put their hands on their hips that's his like go-to move to like look little and i don't think a kid ever put his hands on a child has never done that his talent as a performer is i would say okay that's being very generous the whole universe is counting on you and you just sit there feeling sorry for yourself that's what i'm doing right now [Laughter] that's on my daily agenda his talent as a songwriter an entertainer is a d-minus you mean there's more more there's no limit to the magic this is when the audience starts going nuts in his head oh my god we got pyrotechnics but on the other side of the camera a bunch of like fat guys just going just waiting at their watch waiting till the shoot's over this check better clear noah we have to presume it's kind of an ego thing because this doesn't seem like it was made for children in the sense that i don't i don't think this can hold the attention of any child watching it because they're in the same rooms a lot of static wide angles there's nothing nothing of visual interest to keep a child engaged it's all just him they even though they introduce other characters they don't let him talk they well instead of his like imagination hello mr tim this is your imagination speaking your mission today should you decide to accept it is to find the wow wow wibble wobble wazzy maybe we got it all wrong maybe his mother was like pushing him to be a celebrity oh that would have been a completely different angle yeah yeah his heart was never in it his mother's like i paid all that money for your schooling your songwriting school and you're gonna be a star get out there and sing you bastard mama just want to be a sandwich artist [Laughter] he does jump on a giant sandwich at one point is that sort of peanut butter and his cry for help all i want to do is just make a big the biggest peanut butter and jelly sandwich ever let kids jump on it that's all i want [Laughter] not in a creepy way not in a creepy way well speaking of creepy water [Music] this would be a little awkward if it was an actual kid yeah oh my god that's what they seek hailing why is this happening i couldn't tell if that was at einstein or hitler adolf einstein you know valentine's day if you're making a children's video you need the message to be very clear and obvious to children i i think i get it though and the problem is it's just when you want a message in a kid's thing it's the laziest possible answer it's imagination but he's been using his imagination through the whole video [Music] oh get to the point open the door so the muzzle can come out well what he does find in the closet is himself bathing with an older man so that could be repressed memory i mean the old man looks like we said he looks like a cross between adolf hitler and albert einstein there's a lot of subtext what does that mean yeah and the kid himself like just a mash-up of willie ames everyone you ever seen like there was michael j fox michael j fox go back to sleep [Music] the the kid from uh nightmare elm street too going back to freddy krueger yeah but even on the back of the box they it's like he meets all these characters and there are really cool characters that come out that just don't say a damn thing he just sings about what they would do and they're not introduced until 40 minutes into the video yeah they dance around for yeah for five minutes at the end and they're these really big elaborate costumes and they all have character names that were they took the effort to trademark all of these individual weirdo characters this is all going places all this stuff isn't there like a line in there somewhere too where it's like hinting at like this being a tv show like this is gonna be a thing yeah all right if you won't do it for them do it for the fame the fortune the glory you could have your own tv series i'll do it [Music] [Laughter] is this meta is this about the creation of this video here's what i don't understand [Music] what i understand about this forgotten rotting vhs tape of the children's show from 1985. okay here's what i don't remember what i don't understand why one one why isn't it in a landfill number two he he the the video begins he comes home from school right and at first we're like oh is this an adult or is it a child oh it's a grown man playing a child okay i could tell by the body language he's doing the exaggerated [ __ ] yeah and then the point is the wattle waddle woozle woozle or whatever it's called is his whip yeah well that's his imagination right don't look in the closet don't look in the closet it's on the radius goes on for the first like 10 minutes of the video but right off the bat he uses his imagination yeah in outer space flying around and jumping on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once he goes in that [ __ ] closet though but but like although when he uses his imagination he's using it to think about taking baths with elderly men so maybe that's why they're saying don't use your don't open the imagination don't look in the closet you'll be sorry for sure listen up buddy i'll make it real clear don't go in the closet or anywhere logic would dictate if you want to make a video a children's video about the magic of imagination right then you have you portray a little kid going through life the mom says you got to do your algebra tonight i don't want to i want my algebra to come alive and and then the mom comes in and goes stop it and then then school's out on friday then magic happens yeah imagination overload over the weekend yes you know you can get you can get through the the the week of learning your schoolwork and and following your doing chores right and then let loose with your imagination on the weekend i don't know that was like literally rem lazar was it no no that was the imaginary world for the kid i'm not judging the kid what did you get out of rum lazar i saw a different story but yeah he uses his imagination randomly and then at the end his mother says come get dinner that's very where the wild things are oh yeah because he sends him the room the room turns into the forest and then he gets back and then and his dinner was on his bed the whole point is like he's searching for that that's the whole you gotta go find it that's what his the voice in his head says and then if if the reveal is that it's just his imagination and he's been using it all along then the whole thing is pointless it's it's like if luke blew up the death star numerous times throughout star wars right yeah hello hello hello yoda you just say don't try oh don't try oh that's your advice i want to create a one-man show for children no no no do not you need to sense it we're all wrong it's not imagination it's schizophrenia this is a this is a moving portrait of a child with undiagnosed schizophrenia the set does look like like an ad for like depression yeah it's is your depression like this little ball that follows add some color with glue butter i said no tricks well i got some deep props too there's those bully legs probably were cheap oh yeah no i'm all that stuff was what cost the most that's what his mom said when he was bitching on the set that day tim and those bully legs aren't cheese stop biting the legs tim get out there and dance you [ __ ] i guess you have to really in order to be like like a tv a kid's tv show host you have to really have that in your blood you have to really want that yeah well i feel like you can you can sense it too when you watch a performer that's making stuff for children you can kind of just tell if it's genuine or not yes yes and this it doesn't come across genuine at all you look at someone like a jim henson or like sherry lewis where it's like that's just what they were born to do fred rogers mr rogers of course yeah yeah it's something yeah yeah this [ __ ] guy no he's passionate about himself in a way like david carradine is speaking in closets just not that passionate wasn't it fun no it wasn't fun i i've let you talk me into one disaster after another but this time i've had it i think we're going to talk about t-bone's world of clouding oh that's what it's that's what it's called it's not this world it should have been called it should have been called start clowning around with t-bone but it's t-bones world of clowning which is a far less entertaining and less marketable name it is probably a euphemism tim tim would you like to tell us about what should have been titled start clowning around this is one of the most sexually charged clown videos i've ever seen so [Music] and you've seen how many clown videos have i seen how many how many sexually injured movies have you seen that was the joke we know you like those pervert films hi flippo what are you doing oh just practicing some new things for t-bone's party so uh start clowning around with the t-bone and his world of clowning ages five to ninety-nine uh we fit into that demographic we do yeah we do everybody does well a lot of that's not true betty white doesn't even eddie white's not a hundred she's she's almost there is she if she's almost there then she's 99 so boom yeah i don't think she has 100 yet she's not yet okay i don't think 90s yeah definitely in the 90s later 90s she she is t-bone is trapped in a school and he is getting ready for a show that's going to be performed the next day okay and he got trapped in the school is that the premise well that's just seems like what i got out of it he's just like i'm just here to get ready for the show and he doesn't really want to leave oh my god oh my god betty white is 99. oh my god she's almost too old for start clowning around she can still clown around people she's she's she's almost free almost free from t-bone it's betty white it said she was born in oak park illinois yeah oh i didn't know that you know who else hale's from oak park illinois ernest hemingway who also blew his brains out with a shotgun like kurt cobain oh look at this everything's connecting like it's it's like like nature like a spiral a fibonacci and kurt cobain you not want to wait until 99 to be free of t-bone [Laughter] they did not want to wait that long they were like i know what's coming these bones world of clown and i i don't want to see it so if i if i put this shotgun up to my face i i don't have to know anything about t-bones world of clowning would you say your name was t-bone that's not a clown's name they got names like uh bongo or bingo or something like that you don't know much about clowning do you but first off we gotta get to clowning around and starting to clown around because like uh so t-bone's in a school um he absolutely does not start off as a creepy doll oh [ __ ] that's right that's the opening shot he stops as a creepy doll and then he becomes a creepy clown yeah we were saying like because like clowns you know we joke about clowns being creepy but that's not joking well i mean i'm i'm fully in clowns of creepy kids some some clowns just look like oh that's a clown but t-bone the star of the show is legitimately creepy looking yes he looks like we said he looks like the puppet from saw and he looks like bagool the guy's face shape is like the ghoul yeah you have to have a have to have a kind face shape in order to be a clown i think you know who would make a [ __ ] terrifying clown and this is a great example icky pop right okay you put iggy pop and clown makeup and he will not make you laugh or entertain children glenn danzig next take a gabba goopa of white clown makeup with these two fingers like this and rub it in your palm like this it's turning shiny and getting warm that's how you know it's ready to be put on your face rub your hands together like this this is kind of sexual i don't know yeah hey i'm really getting the hang of this sometimes don't judge this is a judgment-free zone i'm not how do i get to look like you by tapping your face with these two fingers yeah there's something going on there's something going on is his ulterior motives with the janitor no arty your clown mouth where do you want your clown mouth to be and what kind do you want to [Music] i do where t-bone wants your claw mouth to be [Laughter] everybody wanted to be a clown in this video i've always wanted to learn about clowning i always wondered what it'd be like to be a clown deep down even though they didn't notice because the janitor didn't know what he wanted but then he's just like you mean if i put that on it's like i could do it too and then he could juggle the second they slapped some white goo on his face yeah you put one second there's no looking back there's no looking back as soon as like as soon as people feels right [ __ ] all over your face you're in in in the in the back room in the back room right yeah right you can take any talent that you have and turn it into a clowning talent [Music] like uh uh an acrobat can be an acrobatic clown and you're an acrobat i'm really brian the gym teacher acrobatics is my hobby that's the gym the gym teacher the gym teacher right a little girl in a wheelchair can blow up balloons and do amazing handstands i was not expecting that whatsoever i'll teach you some acrobatics if you teach me some more about balloon animals is it going to throw her out of the chair just like this i think she's in the right place to learn about acrobatics that's how i got in this [Laughter] chair [Music] she was also a clown they didn't bother with with giving her a proper clown attire though they put a they put a a a a leaf on her usually no it was a clean mop i was seeing used mobs yeah it was a new mop but they didn't take a lot of time with her makeup she said she was definitely allergic to into the makeup so there this we're just gonna put a little on is t-bone gonna apply it i am allergic it's okay we got an epipen oh then i just don't like t-bone [Music] alrighty that's a great cause i quit my job my wife left me and now i'm a clown for good i'm the magnificent a charismatic arte the a juggling clown well what was the janitor's bit the janitor his name was artie arty crab or something yeah and his bit was he was the like the clumsy clown or the the balancing clown i remember there was a thing i think he was kind of just trying to find his bed because he was the juggling clown and then he was the balancing clown yeah he was trying to discover what what kind of clown and there were three types of clowns we learned yeah didn't know this uh white face the the augustine aka cookie from the bozo show and then the last one was character yes well here's the thing what what is the purpose of this video that is the never ending question it always comes down to that there are some videos that we do on the wheel that are very clear what the purpose is yeah i think it's but these these ones tonight are all nebulous use your talents to be a clown it gets into a little bit into the makeup but not like the details of exactly how you put it on it gets into like evil maybe you can juggle but here's a little bit of juggling but it doesn't like not in-depth like all of the different techniques you would possibly need to learn to [ __ ] juggle rich you're totally right yeah i am the this said it all vagaries uh what are you looking at i'm reading the back of the box can you read it out loud it basically it says in a lot of words what rich just said okay [Laughter] the world of clowning is a magical world shared by children and the child in all of us come now and explore this magic land of make believe with t-bone artie brian and jennifer as they learn laugh and share the gentle art of clowning so all these characters are learning yeah nothing for us right we're watching fictional characters learn the gentle art of clowning we start with a live makeup session ish with t-bone and artie as they show how to apply clown makeup with your own individual style and character not really it was more like you were watching a movie where someone is slapping clown makeup on someone yeah while trying to have sex with them that's all it was it wasn't like step one what are you doing apply them just let me put it out yeah but it was nice but let's just make out no but it was it wasn't like step one you know apply the foundation step two you put it on all sloppy you put it all slappy how do i do it better i don't know it looks crappy i just shut up just shut up so it wasn't instructional with t-bone and a little help from his friends they show you the basics of juggling balloon animals characterization and much much much more i think maybe just one much i would say much more much the basics as far as like if i could re-watch this and learn how to do all those balloon animals nope yeah yeah so you you buy this video if you're like on the fence about whether or not you want to scare children for a living and then you buy this and you watch it and you're sold and then you go and look for more materials and how you can work through your souls it's like this is how i'm going to scare [Music] children what is this sex act why does it feel so good that's what they call clowning around oh can i go with you i don't know we're going to be playing a lot of new games the t-bone special magic blend of magic and forms mystifies and brings out the clown in all of us so your answer is the video provides nothing it doesn't give it to me give it to me it's like a clown recruitment video yeah it's like it was made by like the clown cults trying to get you to join up this isn't barnum bailey's they know it's like they're legit this is like some offshoot it's like but to what not even the not even like juggalos want them around i don't think the little girl in the wheelchair was really crippled in the cr because in the credits there was it said wheelchair rental provided did it really yeah she kind of looked like the way her legs were they looked like they were a little maybe if her own wheelchair wasn't good enough i i don't know but she showed up on the set and uh uh t-bone was like your wheelchair is [ __ ] embarrassing now we need to rent you we need to run you a quality wheelchair wheelchair wasn't up to clown standards i don't know and she seemed like she could i got the impression that she was really there but maybe they wanted to run one that looked nicer on camera because they're [ __ ] i don't know look little girl you need a clown wheelchair it's a squeaky wheel clown wheelchair needs a squeaky wheel you put your shoes on you would a clown wheelchair be really small and fit multiple crippled children multiple crippled children get out of the wheelchair somehow they somehow they can they can sit on each other so much that it's like if you just position yourselves right like there's like 10 of them like like teetering on the top of the wheelchair oh no a clown wheelchair is like a wheelchair but it's like the wheelchair equivalent of a unicycle yeah so he just says the crippled girl just kind of like balanced and also he didn't say this this was an unspoken teaching t-bone lets you know that when you're a clown you never really close your mouth and the colors will look neat even to put on your eyebrows i think we don't even need to discuss the gay subtext just cut to a montage of shots from the film yeah can we talk about the elephant in the circus which is the gay subtext of our creepy clown video starring uh uh uh t-bone t-bone what's the um the saw movie guy oh jigsaw starring jigsaw aka the creepiest [ __ ] was ever lived in clown makeup and that's factoring in pogo the clown i guess pogo is the [ __ ] creepiest clown who's ever poco was the evilest clown to ever live unless unless hitler was a clown at his youth pogo's got them all beat maybe t-bone like escaped you know gacy's house and then grew up to be a clown of his own yeah it kind of traumatized him like casey came out like in the pogo outfit with no pants on and being a clown is a sexual thing this changes everything that's that's why it's called t-bone he had to crawl through the crawl space with all the bones [Laughter] let's talk about the subtext okay because pogo is alone i'm sorry t-bone t-bone is alone i would say that's a freudian slip you don't leave pogo alone with anybody t-bone is living or hiding out in the back stage area of a middle school getting ready for the big show getting ready for the big show the next day he doesn't have an uh house he's hiding out for the big show yes in the back room of middle school alone alone at night in a clown costume okay there's nothing weird about any of that he doesn't have a home he never comes out of makeup he doesn't have a hotel that he's staying in and he looks like bagool and he looks like or the serial killer okay and the knight janitor comes in and then t-bone starts aggressively hitting on him then the story begins uh that's the greatest love story of our time the greatest clown love story yes that's probably true yeah what is the greatest clown love story if not this yeah what other options do we have this is the cloud equivalent of 50 shades of grey 50 shades of white they're small mouths and mild wide mouths you're getting awful close to eating bone is your name t-bone anyway first we need to take off the makeup where you want your mouth to be so t-bone then starts trying to convince the janitor the humorless janitor that you you have a clown inside you everyone has a clown inside you or do you want a clown inside you i can't believe i fell for that that's my job everybody needs to come out those dumb jokes uh at least once in their life then then shake says come back or shakes what's his name t-bone t-bone then says janitor man come into the back room i'm gonna play around with the chair and then i'm gonna put a bunch of white stuff all over your face and then you're gonna spread it out and make it look pretty that looks good and then and then you'll find some clothes you're gonna discover the magic of clowning and come over here remember they did the game whoa errors where's the clothes yep follow me follow me follow me and he's like here's a one piece start changing and then the janitor's like no i'm not gonna take off my clothes in front of you and i'm gonna go well then he shows uh a coat hanger with nothing on it i like this one but arty it's empty and the implication is like i want you to use this do you remember the first video when the the speaking of coat hangers and clothing and changing the thing came down from the wizard with the klu hooks clan robes on it and grand wizard the grand wizard yeah you put those on very handsome he could have used some t-bone lessons at least it's like yeah t-bone probably would have pulled every trick out of that robe he would have loved all the magic t-bone had to in the back room of a middle school well his disapproving mother watched give it to me hmm give it to me i said give it to me blow it all the way give it to me oh i'll get you further wait wait wait wait here comes speedy t-bone likes to watch that's this thing especially for your t-bone right a weird weird adult man in an english body costume and a small child in a wheelchair with a bunch of balloon animals and a janitor and a filthy janitor t-bone has a very specific uh i don't know if you call it a fetish a fetish that's why he wears those balloon those jester balloon pants to hide his erection because you know there's no joking around about t-bones erections yeah uh yeah so this is a creepy gay clown video i don't know i don't know what to say about it i think t-bone was this is like the earliest form of grinder come being my clown video like i'm gonna hook up i don't know i it seems like the janitor and the the the gym teacher they had some clown sex all of them except for maybe the little girl in the wheelchair because she i think she was like the decoy like this is for kids like look there's a kid here you know but really it was a hookup video time for our part of the deal it's it's a circus and t-bone is pitching up a big old tent remember to tuck your head in now you have to decide where you want your mouth to be now you ready to start give it to me i don't know we're going to be playing a lot of new games acrobatics is my hobby i said give it to me is it possible to combine the two i didn't know you knew how to juggle no i don't that's why you're gonna teach me boy i haven't had this much fun in a long time all right so uh we're at the climax of the night and i am absolutely breathless to hear what mike has to say about spiral fitness with david carradine whenever i play with it i feel better i noticed some key words in your statement so here we have spiral fitness and we've we've talked about this before because there is i think a clip viral clip i don't know of david carradine and a garden hose in his backyard and colin talked about it at some point it came up on some episode at some point 27 years ago it was a long time the show this is like in the infomercial like kind of days where people were kind of coming up with these like exercise gimmicks like little things so you know whatever shake weight stuff like that and uh it's uh infomercial with him in his backyard and he's trying to sell this this hose that you can do tai chi with but he didn't have the actual like hose built so he used to stand in that was just a rubber garden hose and look it up it's on youtube it is the funniest thing you'll ever see and he's like oh you can do all these things with it and his dog his dog is sitting in the background of the shot and at one point his dog is so ashamed it gets up and walks out of the shot [Laughter] colin thought that they didn't have the actual product the product is a slightly curved piece of tubing that you do some kind of exercise with and colin had thought that they forgot to bring the actual prop so they used a garden hose but the actual thing is green and looks like a piece of garden hose free your body from stagnation and witness firsthand the power benefits and fun of flowing movements and spiral fitness well if anyone knows anything about flowing movement and statement keratin followed by a whole lot of stillness well there was some screaming when the maid came in was there though or was she just like again it's like come on come on oh no yeah she's just like we got another 220. what if this was the ending of kill bill she shows up at his house there's this big lead up when she goes into the backyard it's just this you're filming this terrible infomercial she decides to show pity on him [Music] uh you don't need to know tai chi or any kind of specific forms it's just random you do this and just by holding on to that it makes you look like you're doing some kind of serene advanced karate formations but you're just taking a tube and you're spinning it around you're doing whatever the [ __ ] you want uh and i love this idea and i also love the idea that what we're doing is is we're here like whiskey well for one thing we're liberating ourselves when we you know if you follow this thing around you'll find it you know it leads you he just trailed off yeah yeah yeah you got enough it leads you in ways or something yes yeah that's what it does yeah i think the takeaway from this is the the [ __ ] excuse of a garden hose and and and doing exercise movements with it as some form of some kind of [ __ ] new age exercise centering spirals of the universe universal shame you're doing it and you can just pop and find yourself on the top of a mountain peak in the brush of cold air and then then twist your wrists like this and all of a sudden you're in the mozambique yeah well they i mean they they show like graphs of spiral related things yes the so not fibonacci they have to make it look like it's not a scam a lazy lazy scam is that the business meeting how do we make this look like it's not a scam right well you know i've been looking into that i've discovered that almost everything you look at actually is built on the spiral i know that the the human body uh the andromeda nebula our galaxy who's gonna say i'm drunk it's all full of that uh and you just see that it seems to be like a force of nature so you might as well try to apply it or if you are loose with it there's a whole other thing that happens someone google spiral and see what sort of images come up and we'll just put them in the video i think robert moses was a car mechanic and he he yeah he was a karmic he looks like a car mechanic and he took some kind of like hose out of an engine you take a radiator it's like a radiator hose and he's just like fidgeting around with it he's like hey this is kind of neat how do i sell this he also loves martial arts because i mean he did he looks like he had some type of training elise went through like i don't know if you threw that garden hose in my hand and you put me in a like a a kung fu outfit right and i just i started doing this right yeah it could i probably just come up with this because that's all they're [ __ ] doing yeah like star wars kid yeah it's star wars kid that's all this video is you take a thing put it in your hands and flail around smoothly that's it that's it and you don't even have to do it smoothly because david carradine bonks himself on the head at one point i don't know i can't even explain it but i just know that [Music] well that's golden mean extraction of the fibonacci he sees every bit of footage they had of him he hit himself on the head with it it's so elegant he drops it and looks at the camera and shrugs it doesn't matter it's a free-for-all mostly i found that anyone could pick up a stick and immediately enjoy it anyone could pick up their stick and immediately enjoy it that's what killed them [Laughter] the scamminess of this is just so overwhelming it's hard to process because we're talking about being a scam there's something we got to talk about because we looked into this and even though this feels like an infomercial to sell you cut up hula hoops we couldn't find an actual product that was ever sold taishan nine is nine shapes of infinity to express yourself wholeheartedly honestly expand and reduce any sensations that you may have left over this is the guy behind this whole scam right there's no sales pitch there's no like order now you get these because we noted there are different types of these garden hoses yes different colors seem to represent different lengths yes yes the white one was the longest one it almost looks like a big weapon which down to like gold color reddish gold reddish then green and then the girl has a pink one and there's different lengths for different functions it's never really the detail isn't though you say function because there's no function because this whole thing is a scam but if you were going to make this a product and you want to charge somebody 44.95 for the product maybe instead of just selling them one 10 cent plastics tube you give them like five in different sizes and there's there's some kind of like 10 system that you never elaborate and you never elaborate on that at all and you get all of this for 44.99 we're even gonna throw in the instructional dvd well that's that's the thing is this doesn't feel like a video to sell you the product it feels like a video you get along with the product you think they would be throwing around like brand names all the time like wow with this spiritual what would you call it like this spirit hoop i don't even know what they call it because they never say in the video which is weird no the the video is credited spiral fitness but it is not trademarked and you googled there's another thing uh more recent called spiral fitness that is not related logo and everything it's not there's no tm next to spiral fitness they did not trademark it even that guy trademarked all of the characters he trademarked every [ __ ] booger in this video all these little booger monsters if you're trying to create a brand you want to hammer in the name of that brand constantly which they do not do which is weird yeah it's weird it like represents the an arc of the fibonacci spiral we're using sacred geometry to amplify spirals fibonacci of fibonacci so we're always moving with structurally sound contours rob moses aka the guy that looks like jeff ross yeah aka former car mechanic yes you don't want your martial arts master looking like jeff ross but uh you'll find this of interest jay oh rob moses fight choreographer kill bill volume one and two oh kung fu the tv movie sure so he's a friend of david carradine he played a character named master khan in kung fu the legend continues 19 episodes so so maybe david carradine was more closely involved with this than we we give him credit yeah he is friends with rob moses apparently so maybe this was david carradine's idea but he's like i can't be seen too [ __ ] freaky more than i already i am please rob i do remember that famous scene in kill bill where uma thurman takes a garden hose and just flails around for 20 minutes that's how she beats the girl with the the ball and chain go go go go yubari yeah gogi bari has a mace and and uma thurman has a garden hose and she defeats her if you do a ninth in implosion and then you feel yourself on the top of a mountain right after that the implosion becomes the wind for you how does that happen and then you're batting things away and [ __ ] is she talking about this is [ __ ] yeah what this is all [ __ ] someone had a bunch of money they needed to wash and what better way to wash drug money allegedly a from a cartel allegedly then a fake scam where you're investing i'm not implying illegal activity on the part of david carradine or rob moses this is strictly a theory i mean you watch the video and it feels like they're just stretching everything because there's no information there's no website there's no information there's no way to order this product yeah but this video cost a hundred million dollars to produce money is coming in from central america in the form of drug money allegedly it goes to david carradine allegedly he is entrusted to washington that cost 100 million to make where'd you get all this money i've been selling garden hose videos theory pure baseless speculation pure absolutely baseless speculation it has nothing to do with how david carradine was murdered in thailand oh my god i mean i mean how his death looked like he might have died from autoerotic asphyxiation whenever i play with it i feel better well this is a new wrinkle in the rlm cinematic universe it was only a year later after the spiral fitness thing vanished off the face of the earth and pablo escobar was pebble escobar ran off with all of the hoses it was seen in thailand do you think he choked him with one of the spiral fitness hoses are you going to make it look like you died masturbating you sick [ __ ] you [ __ ] with my money but your spiral fitness scam how dare you get a boner while i'm trying to kill you move with leverage and power all the while playing with the stick he faked his death and he got into the spiral fitness game i i'm saying they're viral escobar there's a lot more going on here than it seems on the surface i think we've uncovered something that we're probably way too deep in and we shouldn't it's just one big spiral guys just try to get in touch with me over the next week just in case okay okay and i'll try everyone watch out for each other i feel like we're in too deep yeah spiral fitness uh the clown t-bone he looks like the clown from saw the new spa saw movies called spiral t-bone's the one who did the deed he choked him with a with a balloon animal i just picture pablo escobar and t-bone on like a private jet flying to thailand in the full clown makeup he's in the full cloud david carradine has loose lips bring me the most evil clown you can find david carradine he he tried at first to escape t-bone on speed dial there's the little girl in the wheelchair it's like a tommy gun [Laughter] and it just shows that there's a lot of [ __ ] suckers that go out to hollywood and they'll be like what oh it'll help me out cool yeah they're just like the one guy was saying said it felt silly at first but if you don't like master this it could bite you and stuff like that or there's the yoga instructor it's like an older lady and it's like you know she was in like one slasher movie in the 80s as an actress and then she became a yoga instructor and then she got hired for this it equalizes my body i think that's how the energy i think i think i think i don't know by holding the scene this is helping me that's filler there's no there's no actual content or instructions to be had no it's interesting there are five different categories of filler there's david carradine in the backyard or actually or working with the thing there's rob moses on the beach with a cameo by his dog with a cameo by his dog rob moses and david carradine sitting in his living room which is the funniest stuff but then there's the the uh the dojo stuff right with rob moses's daughter yeah and she's teaching a class not teaching also yeah not even leading i think that's too strong of a word she's put in front so she looks like she's leading a class which is just people doing whatever the [ __ ] they want she won't stare at the camera when she walks by it she's that in charge of the class those are our minor characters the illusion of expertise the illusion of expertise that's a good way of describing it but you have a class and at first you watch it and you're like oh okay they got a bunch of different types of people some old people some young people then they go into all their characters they interview all of them that's after like like 40 minutes they run out of time things to do with the video so then they start introducing all these random people it's weird yeah you got the old old guy who was old actor guy you could tell he was in some stuff he was in some 50s westerns he's like a cameron mitchell yeah and then then you mentioned the yoga instructor then you have one of the younger women and she's like she's like i'm like i do like ethnic dancing and they showed her like with some kind of like like shawl on and she's like they called me up to come do this [ __ ] thing and i show up and they give me a garden hose and at first i'm like you're crazy but then i moved the garden hose around and i guess it did something that they move on and then there's the one guy who's like i work out i go to the gym like they give me the garden hose i hit myself in the nuts and then after a while i guess it's oh this this this is a dangerous piece of serious equipment you got to be careful with it because this is totally worth it at first you you try to fight the motion of the stick realizing that it doesn't work and in the beginning used to you'd get bit every time it's a tasteful way of saying he hit himself in the dick with it and the old guy the older guy was uh uh weightlifting is so rigid and you know oh what lifting weights are so straight narrow and with the garden hose i'm working out parts of my shoulder that haven't been worked out in 60 years ever since i was on gunsmoke as an extra you know and it's like that people you could tell people are just making [ __ ] this kind of helps you create energy you sort of get a say something nice about the garden hose or else pablo escobar will have you executed we've got to watch this money by next week you know talk about the garden nose oh you'll be breathing through one at the bottom of it's the silver lake you're growing like it just isn't stagnant you don't feel like polio water and you do after after you go hot you know for a harsh workout you feel uh yeah i hear your vibe this is as if she just went flying it's uh closer to peter pan than it is to captain hook i like that i like that yeah well i think that's a better way to go [Laughter] alleged scams aside this is weird this is weird what is it that's the thing yeah what is it because it's not an infomercial because they never sell it to you as a product yeah and i don't think it came with a product because they'd be throwing the brand all around remember the brand hammer the brandon and so it's weird because they have all these mass-produced sticks they all have the same like markings on them they all got that sticker they have that sticker they look like it's weird yeah can you can someone with eyes read that it's a spiral energy spiral energy you can read that yeah it doesn't say spiral fitness it says spiral energy and then there's a dot-com yeah that's a good idea yeah yeah totally says spiral energy but what the website is is almost electrical it's so small it's completely illegal this is the code for whatever used bookstore had this but the actual barcode doesn't read there is no website associated with this product just kind of wonder if it was like something that was just never fully realized to begin with and they'd already started making they'd already started making the promotional video so just ow finish editing that we'll just sell it as the video you're you're going with that overall that's what i'm going with over the pablo escobar washington money washing washington david carradine allegedly okay okay okay i'm going with the ladder uh it's cause it's funner and again it's a theory it's allegedly it's not we're not implying illegal activity by anybody dead or alive fictional or non-fictional especially t-bone the clown he's not involved except for pablo escobar who definitely was involved with some kind of illegal activity i do believe t-bone murdered kurt cobain oh wow using cahoots with uh uh courtney yes he was calling up kurt changed the will courtney called up some friends i need the world's most evil clown kurt's really scared of clowns [Laughter] and if you show up while he's doing horse with clown makeup on he might just shoot himself he might do it himself but if he doesn't i know t-bone will finish the job if the shotgun if you don't have have the shotgun use the garden hose that david gave you it's not a garden hose courtney it's an exercise equipment even courtney was like that's full of [ __ ] it's a hoes it's a god nose now shut up and kill kurt cobain how's mtv going to report that kirk cobain choked himself to death with a garden hose kirk cobain dying via autoerotic asphyxiation that's the most absurd thing i've ever heard who would ever die that way [Music] how does how do we work in tim noah that's what i want to know he shows up because he wants to like he wants kurt's help writing the songs for his musical and then he just leaves he was a witness he was there to try and sell cobain some songs that day yeah yeah just as the gun goes off he's just like i didn't see anything oh you imagination you win i must the real wibble wobble is a murder scene in seattle okay so uh i i think i think this exhausting day is is done we've watched our films but now it's time to decide which of these is the best of the worst don't pick up my first don't pick on me first don't pick up me first don't pick up me first mike no i said don't you have a bit you have a i'm literally praying to jesus you're literally praying jesus well there is no jesus mike so tell us which one of these is best of luck i can tell you which one is the worst what's best of the worst though you gotta do this first this is the rules are you on are you completely on the fence it's it's really hard this is fascinating because of its scammingness and it's really mysterious and fascinating on that level this is also really interesting and funny and weird uh so i can't pick a best of the worst okay both you heck you're you're splitting the vote that's fine you can fence it i don't give a [ __ ] i'm gonna i'm gonna table it for now for for the reasons you have listed i'm going with spiral fitness because i still have major questions i'm fascinated at this video that is selling a product that never sells a product it's weird and it hasn't existed and i demand to know why this exists and what they were doing and why isn't there a product where there clearly should be i don't know you're taking that over creepy giggling i'll take that over creepy clowns yes [Laughter] jay well i'm going with creepy gay clowns because uh spiral fitness all the stuff that we talk about is interesting but the video itself is boring it goes on for 55 minutes and we were done with it after like 20 minutes uh start climbing around is mostly interesting the whole way through you mean t-bone's world of clowning well it's got a different title on the back i know isn't that weird this is what i was referring to it's different on the back that's their motivational pitch on the back yeah it's not the official title are you more inclined to want to become a clown after viewing this [ __ ] no that's fair tim you're the tiebreaker now yeah i would go t-bones wow because uh wow yeah i was almost like wiggle wazzle voodoo because it's like to find out that it's just like oh it's your imagination mike [ __ ] you [ __ ] everybody sure great that's the same plot with every three all three films all of it this is david carradine's imagination where did all the money go yeah i don't know david carradine just got robbed of one last hurrah you know rich i'm gonna go with you i'm going with spiral fitness so we have a complete tie break because i want to know where is the money but the video itself when we were watching it no it's entertaining no it's not but it's fascinating it's any reason jay any reason i know anyways this is weird and funny but this is like why what yeah i'm i chose t-bones because i know the magic of clown makeup and what i can do as a former clowner i've only held a garden hose but not to better myself [Laughter] as a current clown i i don't like t-bone i'm fascinated with spiral fitness that's that it's culty it's a new age bullshitty but it's not real no age it's like fake new age to sell you something they don't actually sell you yeah fake news if someone made a video about like healing crystals i would believe it more believe their sincerity um i would believe their sincerity more this is lies they straight up just say it's like it doesn't [ __ ] you know what don't do whatever [ __ ] makes you feel good it doesn't matter that that's why that subtext that that underlying theme or idea that this is a scam on top of a scam as of now from 2007 the the paper trail and product trail of this garden hose exercise equipment has vanished off the face of the earth somehow this video cost 200 million dollars to make that just evaporated into thin air and there is no trace of any evidence other than rob moses is still alive he's the only one in the whole video that's still alive and he's hoping everybody has forgotten about this everybody said everybody everybody allegedly she died she died in an unrelated clown incident you don't want to talk about it camera people sound people editors anyone associated with spiral fitness they're all gone rob moses is still alive he has somehow he has a mop he's a mansion in mexico allegedly all mysteriously auto-erotic asphyxiation deaths [Laughter] unrelated it's all unrelated there's a whole thing and it's fascinating spiral fitness all the way best of the worst all right can we destroy tim noah yes yes [Music] hi i'm sensai evans and today i'm here to teach you about nature's curves nature follows spiral shapes and loops and using the power of the fettuccine spiral we are able to direct our energies our energies go through us and through our bodies right now i'm not in a studio but i'm at a high mountain peak i'm experiencing nature's valleys nature's slopes the curves of nature it's like having god's wind at your back oh yes feel the flow the chi flow is ever present in everything [Music] and that was the fettuccine curve namaste namaste [Music] [Music] [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 1,312,587

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: zQwR1CSqMe0

Length: 77min 47sec (4667 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 10 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/MattTheFlash]

I found Tim Noah. He's old now! You can buy that movie and a bunch of other films. His website is... interesting.

http://timnoah.com/

[u/glitchedgamer]

Oh god, I hope the Curse of the Worst doesn't come for Betty White.

EDIT: Goddamit.

[u/Wordshopped]

"It's not imagination, it's schizophrenia."

- Rich Evans, 2021

[u/modest_tomato]

Watching a clown video without Jack? Illegal activity.

[u/IncendiaryChicken]

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1986-11-08-me-28625-story.html

Interesting story I found about T-bone being forbidden to do a skit at an elementary school when they found out he was gonna tell kids not to narc on their parents for drug use and to find help that wouldnt give them a record.

[u/WizardPhoenix]

I don’t think I can get used to bearded Tim.

[u/50dollarfishtaco]

They listed everything that Tim Noah looks like, but to me, the first thing I thought of was Jon Arbuckle.

[u/WhiteLantern12]

As a kid my brother and I owned In search of the Wow Wow. We bought it from blockbuster and watched a BILLION times. I actually recently let my kids watch it on youtube lol.

[u/GGAllinSmithee]

Is it just me or has Rich slimmed down?

If so good for him!

Edit: Mystery solved, he’s been doing Spiral Fitness.