Best of the Worst: A*P*E, Easy Kill, and Honorable Men

oh hey rich you heard the cdc said that if you're fully vaccinated you don't have to wear your mask anymore right oh thank god oh jesus [ __ ] christ i've had this thing on so goddamn long yeah long time jeez oh all right how you doing josh i'm good rich you look like you're doing fantastic now i know i just got this ape mask off of my face oh yeah well you know this is cdc regulations you know i don't know why we all were for a little bit i don't know why this was going gonna help me not get covered but i wanted to do my part it's strange that it came down to just you having to wear that well rich i thought since it's episode 101 of best of the worst today and uh we'd celebrate by you know not having to wear the mask anymore we just watched some [ __ ] movies so 101 back to basics i don't even thought of that it's because you're not clever it's true i'm pretty dumb then again i was wearing an ape mask for a year and a half oh yeah hey speaking of ape why don't you tell us about our first movie well yes i would love to tell you about [Music] [Applause] defy the jaws of giant shark oh no destroy a teeming city demolish an ocean liner and vanquish monster reptile newly remastered in 3d and hd oh god a freighter peacefully glides the still waters of a soft pacific night their cargo a recently captured 36 foot ape a giant fist comes up to the deck sending the sailors sprawling and in a matter of seconds the a-p-e oh this is glorious oh this is glorious it's an it's an acronym oh yes yes it should be with the asters do you want to know what ape stands for desperately attacking primate monster [Music] i see what kind of movie we're in for okay all right is loose after battling a very large snake a very a very large snake it's ver the steak is very large quite big it's a it's a vlsk and a giant white shark defies the jaws of the great white and is the victor so that's been spoiled oh we know who wins the shark fight well i mean he's the main character after all american actress joanna kearns oh she is certainly tv's growing pains oh um oh looks like we're about to be the center of a new revival arrives in south korea to appear in a film at the same time has also arrived and lays waste the city of icon and continues his march forward destroying everything in his path paul leader i dismember mama oh co-wrote and directed this cult classic that needs to be seen to be believed you mean this well that's that's a happy coincidence hey weird and which co-stars hollywood veteran alex nichol the man from laramie the screaming skull i can't wait easy now action okay let's go watch he's lucky all these buildings are made out of styrofoam styrofoam and fire he happened to break into the fire factory maybe that's he's lucky there's a gigantic human nearby with a fire extinguisher [Laughter] hey listen why don't you tell your bosses that you're exhausted after 17 and a half hours on a plane and you've desperately got to go to bed and you've got just the guy to tuck yet where's the ape why isn't everybody talking about the a yeah that seems like it'd be pretty big news you think literally everyone would be talking about the [ __ ] age like yeah there's an american actress that came to the country but has she heard about the ape and what happened in a remote fishing village which and this is before the internet giant ape that cruise travels fast korea's not that big of a country [Laughter] i got next oh sorry [Music] oh oh i like how they didn't hear the destruction from next door yeah they're still eating their dinner that [ __ ] pool all over there they're always sold it's pretty loud at the wall usually they get pretty rowdy wow josh that was ape yes it was oh oh oh oh sorry uh uh frank stallone easy kill frank stallone barfly gives an explosive performance close quotes non-stop action suspense story of today's brutal drug wars okay sounds good sounds good jake anderson is in deep trouble her husband alex is a diplomat turned bad he's been using his diplomatic immunity to smuggle cocaine out of peru oh no ex-cop frank davies frank stallone was getting along just fine until jade came into his life now he finds himself coming to the rescue of this beautiful rich mystery woman what frank doesn't know won't hurt him or so jade thinks but frank knows a lot more than he's letting on he knows about the secret bomb he knows about the illegal yeah i guess he knows about the illegal money and he knows not to quit until all drug enemies are eliminated this sounds like an 80s action movie only by eliminating all drug enemies can we achieve world peace explosive action and suspense fill the screen as the drug war rages on 93 minutes color okay fan [ __ ] tastic now now horses in this oh um jane badler okay and uh cameron mitchell you're late hey five minutes what's the big deal where you going out plus you elaborate all the time now now now the last time the last time we had frank malone and cameron mitchell in the movie together we we got closed the [ __ ] doors we did and that was frank stallone what is it frank malone it sounds like a name i'm not first appearance of franklin is the father of post oh yeah although when this movie was made he would have been pre-malone well it's 1989 it's true now the last time we had frank stallone and cameron mitchell in a movie together we got close the [ __ ] doors this is will you true the [ __ ] doors where's that [ __ ] door i i have i have high expectations and they're going to be shattered when the movie's a terrible letdown yes but right now i have high expectations what we learned from terror in beverly hills is that a movie has to have the right ratio of frank stallone to cameron mitchell will easykill do that let's find out do you know these guys no fbi jay what the hell's going on i don't know you don't know or you don't want to tell me let him in i want to find out i have good instincts about stuff [Music] give me the gun alex what for you blew him away how do i know you're not gonna blow me away where's the cash turn the page when you hear the sound take it easy speedo i'll give you the gun relax okay i'll take it easy on this is the story of return of the jedi i'll show you how oh assume his identity she's trying to swap her husband with frank stallone because why not that's why i got a lot that's why the bomb they're faking the husband wait look at that go back i can't wait she never thought to mention hey you look exactly like my husband i think rich might be right they're trying to fake the husband's death no that he he has a split personality yeah no that's too much for this movie it's like [ __ ] fight club right no way we're rapidly heading towards a fork in the road too she's extremely stupid or pretty stupid yes yeah one of the two i'm not sure which way we're going to get no i really don't know [Music] all right rich it's time to wrap it up here's our last movie of the day i want you to tell me all about honorable men honorable men uh cops on film uh a choice between love and honor oh you must choose you must choose drug investigator ryan smith garrett sayer swat commander in death penalty oh oh him yeah death penalty no that's not that's not there we didn't get lucky that [Laughter] faces the toughest decision of his life hello a choice between love and honor ryan finds out that the woman he loves mandy glenda johnson is involved with the same drug dealers that he is busting oh my god the influence of another woman's love and the cataclysmic climax of a high-risk drug raid brings the movie to a stunning turning point boy we're having a druggie day huh yeah we're very very very cop druggy day yeah casey leslie linder fbi files yeah is that like a tv show it's gotta be it's like forensic files offshoot that'd be weird or maybe ripoff i don't know is the sweet daughter of the head of the narcotics division a beautiful young woman who has crush on ryan no can her love pull him away from the confused but alluring mandy probably not the heart-pumping action of gunfights swat raids and car chases pauses just long enough for a captivating romance set in the middle of this action movie oh i bet it does about takedown of a drug kingpin how how often a josh are the people on the covers the same as the people in the movie this is fair now this man is not nearly handsome enough to be just like a stock photo guy they pulled up so that's that's what i'm saying it's probably the guy i'm also thinking that overall the feeling of we made this at home on our computer of the whole uh package really lends that to some credence okay well let's let's see if this is amazing as i hope it will be let's check it out all right [Music] [Laughter] this is what you've done with your life and we're gonna have to be careful on this one this guy's really dangerous yeah that's what i've heard i'm ready for him i'm a cop sorry i can't make it tonight i'm gonna be with tag team two i'm gonna take down another crack house that's okay i'm bulletproof he looks like clark kent if clark kent weren't actually superman i met this guy that i had a crush on as a little girl remember that cap i told you about yeah i remember you talking about it i told him if he needed my services as a physical therapist he could stop by hey yo where are we walking no no let's go through this parking lot do i live here but i only see you about twice a month yeah i remember when i was your field training officer and you were fresh out of the neighborhood i don't know you're older and younger guys i can control i can't control you you're too much man for me cop man [Laughter] you're a cop and you're a man okay man if that's where you want it i changed my mind oh yeah never mind huh come in at night he don't even put another scene in between nothing to break it up he looks like he's about to get caught by chris hanson have a seat that nervous look if he's not not sure mike jay you guys don't have to wear masks anymore [Music] oh thank god i know what what a stupid requirement well [ __ ] we watched some movies yes we we we had a perfectly normal standard best of the worst for our 101 episode this is my very favorite format it's almost it's almost a gimmick in and of itself that's so rare not having a gimmick yeah yeah it's kind of sad that's what it meant and mike yes you got to tell us about and i said what is this ape what is this lot is the same y is the same i was released it's released by keno lorber yeah pretty classy well not really classy company sometimes classy company i don't know the the cover the cover speaks for itself does it though it's beautiful and we have vhs we have a vhs version with a different cover oh yeah and somebody messed up the year to 67. on the dv and the vhs yeah they wrote 67 instead of 76. someone clearly didn't care um but ape is the story of an ape a 36 foot tall ape [Applause] look out oh at one point the ape wrestles the snake for three seconds and then throws it away oh no it's the giant snake how come nobody was worried about the giant snake oh hey um like that's a really big snake yeah ugh wow holy [ __ ] don't hit the camera bill wait was that the extent of this fight with the giant snake what are you gonna do you get to advertise it in the poster giant sea the giant snake fight well he throws it directly at the camera and they broke the camera and they had to just stop filming that day well let's let's start at the beginning you know 36 feet doesn't doesn't even sound that intimidating in the grand scheme of things like in the 50s we had attack of the 50-foot tall woman yeah i like 36 feet i you know what my head i think andre the giant could take a 36 foot tall eight he probably could he'd go with those little chicken legs that this ape has that's true just take him down there is not an ocean liner which was promised on the cover of the box and this is a little lego there's a it's like a like a uh what do you call it it's like a schooner yeah but it's like a like a cargo vessel or something that's it's bigger than a schooner but not that much it's enough to hold a 36 foot tall ape in its cargo hold as we find out yes uh and there's a guy a captain as a crewman they come on they have a cigarette one of them is clearly stoned yes thank you were you there on island when they caught him yes sure was i would have missed it for the world he's something to see i tell you i know imagine almost 36 feet tall wow i'm so stoned he's so [ __ ] stoned he's barely getting his lines up very slowly releasing his lines for the world to hear he's just trying to remember him he's remembering him as they come out of his i'm pretty sure his last line was not was not scripted no that last line was oh [ __ ] as you said jay we jump to the point which is the end of the the skull island part where they capture kong of king kong uh king kong we skip all that yeah if you ever watched king kong and you said you know what i wish we didn't have the first two acts this is the movie for you i'm comfortable with that especially the peter jackson one goes on way too long like let's just nah peter jackson we spent 45 minutes just showing naomi watts walk onto the boat look she touched the railing oh um but uh so so the whoever has captured this big ape and is put in this clip we don't know we don't know who when or why they captured this big game we don't know the intent the intent is is like complained about by the captain or whatever he's like you know it's it's almost a shame to put a beast into captivity and then put him on display for everybody to talk at it's like oh this this poor ape is going to be shown around the world he's been he's been drugged and they're going to take them to these different uh destinations the last of which is disneyland disneyland you've got to be bullshitting me no it's true do they say that they do oh that's why that's why that's why the other crew guy is like you gotta be shooting me i completely missed that yeah that's it that's just a bad idea yeah it's a terrible idea i'm stoned and i know that yeah but so it takes him about five seconds to say that oh he's he's totally gassed out and he's gonna be asleep for five more days immediately [Applause] oh [ __ ] oh no that's beautiful that unrelated toy boat is in trouble too oh jeez holy [ __ ] oh [ __ ] they went for it comedic timing listen this ape knows about comedic beats yeah and we'll get more to that as we go but he really does no we know oh yeah he is a great dancer well they've they've been practicing for show business for when they take them on twitter yes yeah they've been teaching them how to dance oh he was going to be out like out front of epcot with like like the bands dancing with mickey mouse just just voguing it up this one is it a water bottle that was a shark fin believe it or not a water bottle we're just getting right into it because it's fighting this shark whether you like it or not oh i like it i like it just fine whoa that is that actually looks like an actual escapes from the boat and immediately wrestles a shark yes and so we have a 36 foot tall ape right now i'm talking about scale here rich i'm talking about scale the 36 foot tall ape which is almost four stories tall versus a shark that seems about the same length and even a great white shark which is a pretty massive shark this is rivaling the size of the ape uh but we said we didn't know what world does this exist in yeah the world look at skull island the world of mountains right could there be large monsters who knows i think it could have encountered the world's last existing megalodon that's probably possible either way ape has the advantage because that shark is already [ __ ] dead yeah and eventually it tears the shark's face open and we move on and you can see where is his arm where the glove meets the sleeve of the costume were you expecting anything better i guess i didn't know what to expect yeah we want to talk about the costume real quick because it's got that it's got the [ __ ] suburban sasquatch nipples real prominent uh it's just covered in uh carpet yeah it's just like carpet the jaw just kind of moves a little it moves a little lamb it doesn't seem to be necessarily correlated with anything it's not a great costume no we can all agree on that for the time and the budget i think it was acceptable come on guys come on cut it out oh my god hey let this lock up his ass ape kills the shark he smashes the village the next day kids go to korean disney world oh and the farmers and then the first the farmers run away kids at korean disney world hang gliders he encounters hang gliding and he's delighted by them he's very happy he's like oh this is cute they're flying around and he's like clapping yeah they're which is a setup for the helicopters which are bad oh my god poor toy meanwhile a a a white woman has come to korea to make a movie right and we have to mention who that is that's that's joanna kearns from from growing pains the mother mom for the mom from growing pains and got the character's name wrong you mistake the mom from growing pains from the mom from growing pains from the mom from family i'm so [ __ ] up totally lost everybody does family family ties and growing pains those two shows are just i'm just sure for the longest time the entire cast of uh growing pains had a big laugh about how joanna kearns was involved with the most embarrassing thing that anyone that show had ever done oh that's right but then luckily kirk cameron made saving christmas [Music] and then kirk cameron had a birthday party oh yeah the famous birthday party fun so you're confusing joanna kearns with meredith baxter bernie the mom from family time more like i just those two shows those two shows mix and merge titles yeah it's called the 80s blur yeah completely understood i often confuse mr belvedere for elf but alf was actually uh physically incapable of sitting on his own balls they're both obnoxious creatures that move in with a family and won't stop eating but only one of them admits to eating cats i was going to say one eight and one stayed far away from me i like a little something sweet every now and then but i just stop anytime all right so joanna kearns shows up she's got a boyfriend's she's making like a rape movie yeah the only the only thing we know about this come on come on it's one scene in the whole thing it's two scenes you don't know the context there are two races literally every scene we see them filming for this this movie is joanna kearns getting raped yeah that's true you [ __ ] one more time one more time you [ __ ] you've gotta take a decent this is a goddamn rape scene and you want me to be gentle dino don't you know how rape works [ __ ] it's true and so she's running away screaming for help and ape wants to be helpful he's like oh no this woman's in trouble goes and picks her up so eventually ape picks up joanna kearns and goes around there for a while and puts her in a cave and luckily her man friend shows up and goes to save her because otherwise she wouldn't understand that she could just leave oh yeah he's voking it up that's her what if that woman was smart enough to run away herself no one else no one quite gave that that a thought she's not in the cave she used her own brain to realize the military was causing a distraction and she could get away herself mike a woman wouldn't think to do that please not in the 70s the big thing throughout like the last part of the movie is they're trying to take ape alive but that order must be changed sir there's not a chance in hell for some reason under the direction of who knows what do they want they want him alive alive alive yeah we should note that we keep cutting away to the u.s army yeah and this uh captain or whatever he's drunk is the main point now what kind of [ __ ] you trying to hand me and he really doesn't want to be on the phone but he has to be on the phone all the time multiple phones uh excuse me just one second captain colonel davis here right right keep right on after him give me the goddamn operation center he's got a couple phones going on he's got an assistant who doesn't want to be there i need you to sign it sir not now can't you see i'm busy what the hell are you looking at my fly unzipped or something yeah i was looking and he just basically will pick up the phone and say what hello hello oh hello hello yeah what what what oh yeah pick up the other phone but oh right and he doesn't we don't ever see the other side of those conversations after seed after scene in the don dollar set yeah right he's extremely incompetent in in militaristic terms he has no power in terms of like i mean oh gosh if if the north koreans decided to invade this guy would find out about seven hours later yeah why you gotta be kidding me someone would call he would disregard all reports as drunken farmers [Laughter] there's a giant 36 foot tall ape walking around smashing buildings and then you spend two hours on the phone just confused about what's happening you're ignoring his brilliant tactics at the end of the film which was go to where the ape is and shoot at the gates yes and you have the right idea in the long run sir the apes leaving soul he's heading back to the mountains good that's where we'll get him at one point the decision was made to not capture the ape and just go ahead and kill it yeah who made that decision no idea it was not the south korean general mr mr kim i think was the name and then or it wasn't the us commander some someone high not high above made the decision now we're just going to kill him anyway the space force could be space force their way up there i don't know the person we never see on the other end of the phone president nixon himself [Laughter] killed the ape can we drop the open the vietnam war sure the vietnam war is over it's korean army headquarters on the line colonel what the hell do they want to talk to me for but it's about the eight i'm pretty sure not the issue why the [ __ ] does everyone want to talk to me about that ape but so while everybody well initially they don't want to kill the a but they are attacking him and there are um you know the thing shots being thrown at him and then helicopters coming at him and he's he's dancing them away and then uh joanna kearns gets taken to seoul and for some reason ape decides to make his way down that way because he's looking for his lady friend um because that's what king kong does and he's seen the movie so he knows that he's only got so many beats left to hit just watch the movie yeah but joanna kearns we should we forgot one character her boyfriend i forgot a porter guy he's a reporter he wants to marry her she's a little iffy on the marriage thing because he's such a joke they keep making out and then yeah he's the one who says i'm going to take you to seoul and hide you there well mr kim says go to my house yeah he takes him to his wife's house mr kim help my wife play with a marionette from my children for a long time well you uncomfortably look around as an ape smashes buildings yeah people are really slow to respond to the attacks of the ape until finally ape smashes through the right building the ape found me i don't know how but he found me all right you're oh goodness run into this tiny set i'm going to talk about there my comes it finally happened oh yes look at all that debris that's great the house is apparently made out of paper yeah there's a little balsa wood in there like newspapers flying that's another sequence someone mentioned while we were watching it that the movie almost feels like zucker brother-esque was that you rich i thought i thought it would be good if you turned it into a zucker's comedy you go all in on that so much of it feels like like that like a spoof movie where they just cut out the jokes it sits right on that the execution of it feels it's like uh like attack of the killer tomatoes like it feels comical i'm on the phone again this guy is is he left he hasn't left his mouth no you need the the drunken general on the phone to be playing up the drunkenness yeah and every now and then getting off the phone and saying i picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue we are talking about a movie where the ape flips off the military [Music] dancing his ass off yay i wasn't expecting that was that just the guy in the aid costume like he was sick of doing the dancing so he just did that to the director that sounds better yeah that's the one like uh obviously intentionally funny moment that's the the one joke they forgot to edit out yeah to make it a real movie that's the path this movie could have gone down and we would have loved it occasionally the camera like pulls back and you see that it's miniatures yeah well a lot of times when ape is stumbling around a smaller village of miniatures he doesn't really seem like he's trying to smash the buildings it just seems like an accident which is like oh oh [ __ ] i oh oh i stepped on that i'm really sorry it's like yeah it's very very much there were three distinct directions for the ape direction one was you're mad direction two is you're confused direction three is you're looking for joanna kearns well direction four is just dance and the direction for it was just hey now it's time to dance buddy so at the end um what happens uh they they kill tanks oh they say hey instead of trying to capture alive let's kill it and then they kill him and then they shoot him with the u.s general finally leaves his office that was the most shocking thing in the movies another location yeah they just filmed that on like his way out to the car he wasn't in the same woods everyone else is in that's true he was held to the airport after his after his after his main thing was done he was heading to the airport and just like pull over we're going to do a couple more shots you turn that camera around you can see the parking lot where his car is parked i was heading to the liquor store mike the duty-free in the airport hey whatever you could pack in your carry-on duty-free that's right as an audience we are left in the position of of uncomfortableness is the actor drunk order the third and fourth battalion to reinforce the korean perimeter around seoul what what do you believe in the ape yet swatner helicopters oh that's just a belgian too much to drink no no it's the military i asked you telling pilots to stop drinking only i can drink the ape knows what the middle finger gesture means this is [ __ ] or is he playing drunk or he's playing drunk but he's not because there's no alcohol around he's not like you know bobby my assistant ever since the korean war ended i've been stuck here for 20 years right one day 1958 something like that right he could have like a painful backstory and my wife left me during the war i've been post here and all i do is drink bourbon the loch ness monster couldn't make it over the berlin wall i wish there was something crazy would happen like a giant ape would emerge from the ocean and say wreak havoc on the town you're putting some great drama into this movie right you know and you know what like i fought in wwii right i i was a young soldier i got the the medal of honor and now after the korean war i'm pushing pushing pencils we crashed into the jungle and my entire squad was was wiped out by apes oh yeah there you go yes i hate apes i hate them how about this he fought in iwo jima right and he they were being very quiet and they a a local chimpanzee and then and all the japanese whole squad killed and they got his whole squad killed and i've never trusted a monkey since but the problem is the end of that arc is that he learns to trust a monkey and we couldn't have that and that that would be the ultimate arc yeah is that he realizes the ape is good yeah and he says stop the firing stop the firing this war it's it's out of control this ape is good we just need to take him back to wherever he came from we don't know but then the military says no and he says i'm done with the military you have a whole story around the general sure so ape dies yeah ape gets shot the [ __ ] up you found what's up legs [Laughter] that's good he's speaking of blood we're making progress [Laughter] [Applause] and i guess like as far as the characters go the arc is joanna kearns wasn't sure if she wanted to marry a guy because he was a jokester but then the ape died so she said okay we can get married so is this movie a growing pains prequel yes was that ellen thicke's character oh interesting when they did the sitcom they just recast [Laughter] she shaved himself off he learned psychology [Laughter] lost some blade knows he knows about music and dancing oh yeah he wrote the theme to [ __ ] the facts of life take the good you take the bad you take the ape and there you got the fat slime uh well can we talk about the arc give me that ape again oh my god kirk cameron's gone off the rails again kirk cameron doesn't believe in evolution we can't have an a show we've gotta fire the ape we gotta fire them the ape is in playboy kirk cameron doesn't want him on set uh show me a smile again well burn that god the really sad part is there is no quality narrative no there's no there's no there's no narrative arc whatsoever no it's just an ape shows up and wreaks havoc and then it's terrible yes oh that was really great actors really great but you're gonna have to do it again all right uh rich why don't you tell me about easy kill here's the ultra quick synopsis of easy kill it's like alex kurtzman wrote a noir thriller with only three and a half characters frank stallone without a pre-established franchise to ruin unless this takes place in the terror from beverly hills universe it does share some it shares some actors there's a potential there there's an old there's an old factory there's frank stallone there's cameron mitchell those are the three ingredients you need for tearing beverly hills but listen all doors stay open as far as i know i'm sending a courier with the money a guy called martin you met him once before the old factory in south street factory old factory it's the same location cameron mitchell old factory this is a plan it's in frank stallone's contract close the [ __ ] door [Laughter] we know it's your cameraman holy [ __ ] only you want the door closed [Laughter] unlike tara and beverly hills though this movie has frank stallone in the lead and he's in the whole movie he showed up the whole time frank stallone has retired and he bought a bar along with his friend cameron retired from being a cop retired from being a cop so he owns a bar now one night and the only other employee is cameron mitchell the only employee is cameron mitchell i'm assuming cameron mitchell gets paid in booze i think they want the film at the bar and cameron mitchell just happened to be there and they're like hey cameron you want to be on our film and he was like oh there's a box give me 20 bucks i'm here every night when you shoot here every day i'm not supposed to go behind the bar anymore but if per state oh that's a different role for him no they couldn't stop just going right he's in another scene later it's a different game this is not his role he's just there well you got him on me so one night a femme fatale walks into the barn and she looks distressed so our hero frank stallone you know asked what's what's bothering you he has no choice because he is a good man sure so he has to bother women at his bar you all right yes yes i'm fine can i get you a cup of coffee no thank you is everybody [ __ ] talking to me bye and and our femme fatale says i'm okay leave me alone [ __ ] off frank stallone that should be the title of the movie [Laughter] stop sniffing my shoes like stallone so then to get away from frank stallone our femme fatale immediately leaves the bar so frank stallone being a very concerned heroic man walks outside of this bar to harass her and says hey lady what's bothering you hey hey lady you left something she's trying to get away from you sir you went into a bar and you had a drink and then you left the bar hey what's up with that and she keeps walking down the block and then frank stallone shows up with his car and he's like hey lady get in my [ __ ] car is bothering you get in my [ __ ] car he will not take nothing where do you live where do you live and feeling very threatened she tells him where she lives come on glad give me a break will you doing your favor believe me where to 81 albion drive and then they drive a block and then she jumps out of the car and runs away [Music] hey hey where you going hey hey oh get back in my car stranger who doesn't want to do anything with me because she realizes the mistakes she's made as frank stallone being our hero and very concerned drives to her house uninvited he makes sure she's okay because he's a very nice heroic man he's very concerned and then he comes back the next day you know just to keep checking in on her uninvited he doesn't leave he stays the night because she wants him to sleep over there and then he and then he showers he shaves in the morning and then he leaves and goes to the bar and and then frank sloan starts wearing her husband's clothing i just remembered i don't know you i need to get some sleep would you like to join me in my bed while i sleep you could smell more of my shoes you're implying she would ask him before he just joined her in her bed this is gonna be standing there in the doorway she's gonna walk in i'm gonna take a shower also maybe have a dump then i'm going to make some long distance phone calls where do you keep your other shoes listen you have a place where i can uh clean up yes the jokes are real [Laughter] this is ready for the 15-minute scene with him just taking the crab that's what's next frank you dump before the shower i think they have to you're wearing your bathrobe you like it then then frank salone finally finally goes home for a night and then when he comes back the next day our femme fatale has slit her own wrist presumably because she just wants to get away from frank stallone call an ambulance bro huh frank stone doesn't need an ambulance he'll take care of this himself [Music] you're right put him in bed good night just don't even take her to the hospital he knows he doesn't need it your body will make five quarts of blood by tomorrow morning i'll be fine what what yeah i i'm distracted you he just bandages up her wrist himself and doesn't call a doctor what's your stretch straight to that nobody is allowed to take care of this woman's problems but frank stallone hold on you just said frank stallone more times than any casting agent in hollywood history he said ranks alone more times than sylvester's ever said it or art jackie oh it's a scene from gremlins [Laughter] the belter juicer just make yourself at home frank i thought he was just like brushing his face he just got out of control brushing his teeth he's using the peltzer bathroom buddy oh got him there this is quick swim in the face shaving cream oop drugstore peltzer products in this house let's see where's her tampons he's going to start sniffing those is it a coincidence because the premise revolves around the fact that frank stallone looks identical to her husband who is a diplomat slash cocaine drug lord now this is true but we don't necessarily know that information until a solid hour 15 into the movie yeah yeah this is a revelation later in the film because that revelation makes you question the entire concept of the film yeah right leading up to when we're introduced to this this character that we we eventually find out as her husband uh it definitely sounds like an off-screen narrator 2ks and a gram too generous huh well let's try it and see it's pure peru the pause going to that airport was tough so you have dogs sniffing up and down oh yeah she's married to like a like a trailer voice over guy thank you for having the cocaine please give me the cocaine we are going to make a drug deal now mr hermann exactly let's do the deal and get out of here baby could we do more than just talk we get nasty nasty i'm told you're good you'll be carrying it in this i was looking so good i couldn't reject myself i had to touch myself coming out of my shirt and then the skirt came down oh my take it easy speedo i'll give you the gun relax okay but the point being the entire premise of the movie is that the wife is setting up frank stallone the only way that could work is if she finds somebody that looks identical to her husband right and that those are the scenes we're missing yeah that is the general premise of the movie is this the switcheroo yeah there's this whole pre-first act thing that we're completely not privy to yes yes that's the most important thing for this mystery and we don't even get flashbacks to it or anything no no no it just doesn't exist in this movie it was obvious there was going to be a twist i think the only question we had though amongst ourselves though was how stupid was the twist going to be yes why did we underestimate ourselves i think the safest way to go is a private charter you fly to acapulco and then you take a connection to the bahamas what about you i'll fly direct what about the money you take the money we'll split it when we get there i think it's safer if we go separately trump blow up a plane um that suitcase saying maybe she wants him to have the money oh do they have a separate case in the back so the one in the back's the one that's got the bomb the one he took did you ever look through the case to not see a bomb apparently they didn't dig far enough down in the money there's several layers of money because it threw it all over the place starting to get nervous it looks like she might have a second case in the back seat i want to swap them no no please please don't go i need you to stay i didn't ask you for anything nothing i went out there while you were gone car's still there if they found anything the car would be gone i think the safest way to go is a private charter i'm sending a courier with the money a guy called martin you met him once before that was the only part of the plan that wasn't for proof not quite when you get to mexico you check into the cabana hotel bring this together you share on the blame you share the reward i guess the gun is registered in alex's name huh okay genius he told me how you get the cash out you tell me how you get a million dollars worth of cash and just walk out of the country you fly to acapulco and then you take a connection to the bahamas i have to meet someone at an old factory downtown i booked your flight you're leaving at four in the morning the gun is registered in your husband's name now we can go to another country what about you i'll fly direct we still could find the rifle between now and then sure you want to go through it i don't have any other option do i the final switch that wasn't part of the plan was it where have you been uh my um uh what am i gonna do with this in prison you're not going to prison frank when's that tonight tonight no i don't know i'm gonna shoot you at close range and then they're gonna find the body and they're gonna trace the gun to you then i'm going to put the gun in your hand and make it look like a suicide what if something goes wrong what could go wrong i don't know you tell me i'm sorry you're sorry [ __ ] [ __ ] stop it frank it's all arranged because yeah we get because when when uh she she slits her wrists and he bandages her up and puts her you know in bed and she kind of smirks yeah and that's the thing and we're like oh okay so she's a bad guy yeah there's so there's something there but then it goes another hour where there's no other hints that she's so we're like did we is that just bad filmmaking did we mistake why she was smirking i'm not sure like the movie kept us engaged yeah because we wanted to know how it was going to end how bad was the twist going it turned out we were completely wrong because we thought that some of us were right i don't know here's the thing you were right in the wrong way i see let's let's let's explain what the hell was actually going on the wife uh his husband was a drug dealer and presumably this is presumably on my part uh the heat was on for the husband because the fbi is sniffing around so the plan between the husband who looks like frank sloan and the wife was to fake the husband's death which required him to have an exact duplicate that looked just like him that the wife would seduce uh convince him that her husband was trying to murder her and then that the husband was going to pretend that he was going to buy the wife off with half a million dollars to leave the country because she upset because they are trying to convince frank stallone that the husband wanted the wife dead and at and then they were gonna ha oh god now i've gotten lost yeah well so i've watched the movie and now i've just gotten lost that's roughly it the the end the end game though the end goal is to get frank stallone to pose as the husband so he will be on a plane with a suitcase that he thinks is full of money but is really a bomb and then the husband and wife will detonate the bomb killing frank stallone and the authorities will think the drug dealer husband is dead and then they can collect the insurance money and live happily ever after are you crazy but the double double cross is the wife switches the briefcases because she falls in love with she falls in love with frank stallone so she is actually going to kill her husband instead but no at the end she's really still going to also kill frank stallone for some reason i don't know why because she could get the 10 000 or 10 million dollar life insurance she could have got that just by killing the husband yeah she [ __ ] that up she [ __ ] that up hard she double crossed herself so much she got cross-eyed yeah she lost she lost track of what was going on here she lost track of people out of the film so at the end of the movie women can't comprehend double crosses or running away from giant aids irresistibly irresistibly mesmerized by police officers oh lord that's a different story i thought i'd stop by glad you did that's all well no that's he's an ex-cop in this so it's true here too yeah i mean who who couldn't resist frank stallone the world christ wait you didn't know what she's in november 4 5 7 juliet alpha with the returning [Music] he didn't know when this was just an accident that can't possibly be true i can't wait to find out now i am on the edge of my seat the house how stupid is frank still up [Music] he left it why did he oh because he thought he thought it was going to blow up [Music] oh he left it because he thought he had the bomb oh she pulled a double cross what did she pull a double cross hey what the hell is going on i don't know it looks like someone blew themselves up come on let's get the hell out of here i don't think i don't think it works that way i think they would ground that plane and the police would swarm the whole i'm pretty sure you know it was the 80s it looks like someone blew themselves up anyway yeah let's get out of here [ __ ] away let's get suspicious about this if we look at the classic noirs this is trying to be if we look at like a double indemnity or something like that like there's so many so much build up of the woman is like you know seducing this man and like yeah repeatedly yeah she makes no attempt to seduce you she just wanders in and then leaves and then just counts on the idea that frank stallone is gonna follow her like what was the purpose of manipulating frank stallone into murdering somebody in the old bean factory [Music] okay so it just happened yeah because she does she calls the cops and reports the the gun stolen yes i'd like to report a stolen weapon a rifle there's no repercussions from that yeah you don't want to give away your mystery at the beginning and have her and her husband go honey i'm go i'm in trouble with the feds i i need i need to get out we need to fake my death you need to find a guy who looks just like me within a one mile radius but you need something to hint at that you can be left wondering early on but by the end of the movie you need to understand why everything happened and you don't because there really isn't internal logic for this stuff the plot revolving around this guy looks exactly like my husband the i get idea that these two people look so identical that if one dies everyone will think it's the other one that is stupid it's so absurd it's the plot of an earnest movie ernest goes to jail is a guy that looks just like ernest switching places with earnest you can't do that in a film noir the [ __ ] like clark get glasses that's all it takes yeah to make the difference between these two would this movie even better if instead of frank stallone it just starred earnest the exact same movie same tone but it's just mr b mr b oh that was amazing what what if he never said a single line oh he's just he's just walking like he kind of gets his butt he's like sniffing her shoes that he starts doing print falls is there a scene where he's like with a briefcase like he like he like falls into the closet and discovers his suitcases the scene where he discovers that she's committed suicide would be a lot more hilarious he's trying to like bandage her wrist he's like covered all right rowan atkinson let's get going i'm not so easy kill that's so easy you get caught up in a film noir blog a femme fatale and her drug lord husband because he looks just like her ultra suave drug dealers they look nothing alike oh johnny whatever you look just like my husband he's like super handsome man it's like brad pitt any second now i think we're looking for a brad pitt look-alike oh you know mr bean has the same name as somebody who looks just like brad pitt oh this is good this is good she's like helping him along telling him what's going on now you're going to hold this briefcase and you're going to get on the plane this is the one that's not going to blow up because i'm going to blow up the other one in the car and he's just confused and he's got a turkey on his head for some reason you son of a [ __ ] we've taken a moment and we've uh you know taken the taking a break and uh steeled ourselves i think as uh highly trained professionals and jay it's time for honorable men okay please tell me well honorable men is the most ironically titled film we've ever done there's a clear disconnect between what the filmmaker intended and what is [ __ ] going on in this movie a dishonorable man should be the title yeah actually i think she cares about other people more than she cares about herself she's a real nice girl [Music] want to finish up here sure well ryan i hope that makes you feel a little better you get to wear jeans is it whatever she is she's in training okay thanks casey you've been great um cool okay bro okay bye i'm glad you're wearing a skateboard i'm a big tough comp and all the women like me yeah this is a movie about being a cop and it's it's written directed and starring this is a black tank top movie without a black tank top there's no physical evidence but spiritually spiritually it's a black tank top movie this is a vanity project a movie clearly made by a guy that has experience as a cop hey we boss look suspicious at all we shouldn't have gotten a convertible to do surveillance he decided to make a movie about what it's like to be a cop and also because the movie jj an honorable honorable should be the title guys i don't know why you keep saying the word fuzz it's getting bleeped out and there's a black box over here all those girls are in college that's true that's right they're all they're all in college they're all consenting adults i mean that's technically true it feels it feels like they're in high school based on the scenes and where particularly the scene when they're at the high school where they're it's shot of the high school uh but the one is a is a physical therapist intern which means you've progressed beyond they don't behave like college kids i'm sorry i have to tell you this but ryan said that he thought you were a [ __ ] uh uh garrett what's his name garrett sayer is the writer director star he plays a character holy trinity well yeah it's what we want it's what we look for the orson welles trinity yes a triple he's a triple threat well that's that's the thing is yeah he plays a character named ryan's babe who uh who is a cop he's he's he's he's such a a good cop he's such a good man he kills his cop he he shoots so many black people that every young blonde college girl wants to [ __ ] him hi this is mandy hi mandy i just called to say hi oh boy thanks for helping me with all my reports oh god no oh god no mandy don't do it i'm down oh you know what it is it because you're thinking about it too what made you just say you're clear josh the the guy who wrote and directed this also stars and us and he filmed the scene he filmed these scenes he made a point of saying it's very important for the integrity of the scene that you're wearing this underwear i know you want me and that you want me confident mandy i guess we should see how serious you are no no no no and so that leads to the plot of the movie which is that he's in this dilemma where there's one girl that wants to [ __ ] him but then there's this other girl that also wants to [ __ ] him but he's so he's got so much work to do killing black men that he he doesn't know how he can handle all these more dilemmas than woody allen i gotta add two things to that spiel this is not [ __ ] his own daughter no he's [ __ ] his friend's daughter he's [ __ ] [ __ ] his best friend's daughter now he's helping the other girl with her homework yeah why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow sure but what about your dad what do you mean i mean the age difference oh he won't mind you're a cop we went to high school together me and your dad yeah and his best friend's okay with it because they're honorable they're cops he's one of the two acceptable professions there's cubs cop military men those are the two he's both yeah he has military background yeah new cop yeah in the ux navy yep you can [ __ ] my daughter all right thank you get into the spaghetti thank you for your service now service my daughter some spaghett have a spaghetti that was in the navy too aviation firefighter great tell you that was a whole lot better deal than what i'm doing now busting drug dealers in the middle and [ __ ] your daughter and making shitty movies but yeah two things about that because one girl's blonde one girl's brunette they can't even resist him not even just the blondes also he doesn't just shoot the black people he shoots the brown people too that's true that's true the movie starts with with uh ryan's babe going to a crack house and they all go to the house and they're all wearing like vests and helmets except for this partner because he doesn't need to wear that [ __ ] he's too powerful he's bulletproof so he gets shot and uh he gets shot and we flash back to a year earlier where he is a guest speaker at a college course and then we get that's when we get that looks like a high school class that looks like a high school classroom and then we get two different college girls hitting on him one after the other and both those college girls are rivals with each other so that's some uh extra conflicts i guess they are although they don't really well they're they're right a whole lot it factors like one of them right at the beginning right at the beginning they're caddy with each other and then they kind of don't talk about it for an hour no it it barely factors in what's her name mandy mandy is the blonde um girl burnett is burnett you're mandy and you came and you gave oh without taking gross oh you should send her away look this is based on a true story okay this is just what happened you know the feud quiet quiets down early on because early on mandy asserts her dominance over ryan well she tries to oh but ryan is too much man for her yeah she says you're too much man for me i don't think we should do that anymore what yeah well i respect my dad what i respect my dad can't hear over my boner what maybe he wouldn't like us doing this as long as i take care of you and treat you right i don't think you'll mind well i do so it is [Laughter] we can't be together because you are too much man for me i can't control you also and then and then zero scenes later she's [ __ ] him yeah this is not an exaggeration they don't [ __ ] right away he goes and buys her a teddy bear oh yeah gives her the teddy bear then she he buys the teddy bear from a young blonde he would have to buy her a gift from a toy store right where wherever oh yeah we should mention that it says at the very beginning of the movie based on truth based on a true story whether it is or not whatever that means and it's not really a very compelling true story who initiates a a love triangle with women that are much younger than him and then gets kind of shot in a drug raid and dies spoilers spoilers not the most compelling of real life stories uh no he initiates this this situation mandy he does not have sex with her right away he goes out and buys her a stuffed bear then she gets a little horny and gets on the phone and but then invites invites him over to have dinner with dad ryan you're welcome anytime excuse me i'll be back in a minute thanks chad i really enjoyed it welcome thank you thanks thanks thanks mandy thanks for cooking dinner bye appreciate it have the spaghett that cheap spaghetti is the spaghett first before is the spaghett before the bath yep yes yes and and the underwear and the the tight underwear yeah with the yeah and she's like i know you want me then the bear which by the way the way she delivers that is out of like a poison ivy movie but ivy didn't just want a friend ivey wanted more i know oh yeah poison ivy with drew barrymore no the movie poison ivy where she seduces tom skerritt who is also one of the sexiest men alive tom skerritt young teenage drew barrymore seduces him but it's funny you mentioned drew barrymore because they go to see a movie called never been kissed because of course evans and i were in is that effect yes that's a fact we were extras film experts so we were face that was shot in the chicago area yeah right rich evans and i the navy piercing we went to drew barrymore and her male co-star well who is it who is the male coaster guy wilson in that moment never saw it but but the scene took place at navy pier and drew barrymore got in uh a ferris wheel with her male co-star and they that was the entire scene and they needed extras on navy pier playing around on all of the rides and rich evans and i went and did that and it took 17 hours to film one scene 17 hours and they put me on the swings that went for 17 hours yeah for for about two hours and i said oh get me off swings yeah i said i said i gotta throw up and i at that point it was like four in the morning and they don't care because when you're an extra you're like you're like cattle to them they they literally heard you around yes rich i didn't know where rich evans was and i'm like i was like stop where where were you right i was just in a crowd with a complete literally they put me together like a complete stranger were holding like a balloon yeah but i was like i was like get me off the swings i gotta throw up because they fed us terrible food and that's what you're an expert i'm gonna throw up and i they put me on swing for two hours meanwhile drew barrymore was going around on the ferris wheel for for two hours filling her scene and i was like get me off the swings and so i was like i gotta sit down and i gotta sit down i sat down and i was like oh my god i feel i i seriously felt like because i throw up and and some person came over and gave me water because they knew i looked sick and i looked up and about 10 feet away was drew barrymore sitting in her actor's tent and there was six people around fanning her do not make eye contact with miss barrymore and i was like oh i don't give two flying [ __ ] anymore i just want to go home [Laughter] i don't care i'm going to [ __ ] vomit andrew barrymore i just want to leave and so rich and i we left and it was like 5 30 5 00 a.m 5 30 a.m we left we started at like five in the afternoon too right oh wow yeah yeah and so the next day i called because it was for two more days to shoot the seat on navy beer and i called up the guy who was in charge of the casting i said me and my friend rich evans are not coming back to be in your film never been kissed because because it was awful it was a terrible experience he's like hold on you [ __ ] [ __ ] i'm gonna put you on on i'm gonna put you on the call with the director of the film what the [ __ ] yes yes he was he was like like threatening me he's like he's like um where were you standing because wherever you're standing it's going to cause a continuity error and drew barrymore is not going to be very happy about continuity and he's like i'm going to put you on the phone with that that's already just go and i said i'm not showing up i said me and rich evans are not showing up and i hung up the phone that was the end of that i usually stand out and talk to the director and explain what the problem why did you put me on the phone with the director of the film it was it was an empty threat it wasn't sure he was not going to put you on the phone but i told him me and rich evans we're not coming back and we're not getting on your on your rides oh jesus because it made me sick and i was gonna [ __ ] puke on drew barrymore's [ __ ] face i didn't care [ __ ] that movie never been kissed [ __ ] that movie mandy you're drunk leave ryan alone he's an honorable man you're drunk and you're in your 90s grunge face yeah i've been watching the so-called live all day long mandy chose her drug party friends over ryan so ryan spends time with brunette girl orion arrest mandy's friends which causes mandy to break up with ryan yeah she calls him an [ __ ] when she's so devastated by breaking up with this wonderful specimen of man always but she's also like she has a bit of a goth phase after yeah which is great [ __ ] but but to ryan's credit ryan smith aka garrett sayer director he's through all the [ __ ] he does say in the police station he's like these these young ladies are just good for sex i don't want to deal with that girl's dad in front of all their dads not just the brunette girl all their dads specifically he's [ __ ] all of their daughters i'm the dad of the girl she's been [ __ ] yes yeah he's like he's like all these girls are good for his sex none of your your daughters are worth living with or being married to they're practically children he said that these psycho nutcase women are too friggin emotional for me especially that one i think all they're good for is sex when you start to care about them you get involved in their crazy world where nothing is logical everything is emotional and their parents want them home by midnight i think that's all they're good for is sex i'm too old to go to prom jesus christ but ryan is an honorable man that's honorable i remember you in braids and braces i brought you something what myself oh yeah we gotta talk about the uh uh the gas station scene the convenience store scene and so so ryan's babe and his partner walk into this convenience store one day and they're just looking around like and talking to the blonde lady who works at the station also a young blonde woman yeah that's total coincidence who couldn't imagine that such a thing would happen i wonder what his type is is she always that caring yeah actually i think she cares about other people more than she cares about herself she's a real nice girl [Music] uh but so uh they're they're hanging around the back and all of a sudden a a brown fella walks in i should say it's up to no good just one more this is i have to rescue this pretty white lady hold on from this filthy brown i'm gonna i got something stuck up my butt that robber should just shoot him five times right in the chest i will walk right up to you because i'm awesome [Music] no no no no he's already got it she just runs right to him oh thank you hugs him thank you he's not even the one that did it yeah yay whites get it done yeah the partner saves the day but she immediately is like thank you ryan's babe for saving me yeah he didn't do anything he didn't do [ __ ] man was just stealing money for his children's insulin now he's going to spend 40 years in prison because garrett sayer is so goddamn he's handsome he's just irresistible well it's the thing i think he's i think he's actually partial to that brunette because he's known ever so long which is also kind of creepy yeah we get a flashback where he's like where he remembered well i guess she remembers when she's like 12 or something for her yeah to have dinner with her father she's she's got some tails and glasses and she's like hunching down her seat so she looks tiny she's like i want to marry a cup so she walks in eventually walks into his uh totally coca-cola decorated house and says i love you i don't care if you do if you love me but i love you i've been thinking about this idea that i've had of you and i all these years that maybe one day you would love me she looks like a like a hostage forced through the gun is right off here to read a hostage level you don't have to run away i know you don't feel the same way but i just wanted to let you know that i love you and that i know you never had any intention of hearing this line crossing yeah yeah pretty bad okay bye that's that i'm gonna go sit on the beach and then he goes out there and then they kind of like hug for a little bit and then mandy shows up again she's like uh you can kiss me wherever you want and then he goes and gets shot and dies the end you don't have to kiss me there [Music] you can kiss me anywhere you want to um uh oh okay um what about other girl yeah she loves it whatever he's gone every girl loves him don't you know that don't you know that [Music] how much more of this [ __ ] is there uh two hours god damn it this is a four-hour long movie it's peter jackson's jackson honorable hobbit [Laughter] he's using forced perspective to make the girls look a little bit bigger is that before after he says i want to suck the spaghetti out of your mouth he doesn't say it he implies it by doing it he doesn't say he wants to he just goes ahead and sucks the spaghetti out of her mouth hole [Music] she actually says you you can suck the spaghett out of my butthole i miss that yeah i missed that party it's still digesting yeah that's months later that's weird it's literally months later wow because she had the tummy problem oh that's right she had a tummy ache it was a it was called uh vld very long digestion of spaghetti blds it's a very common syndrome that occurs in virginia your stomach hurts where is your stomach [Music] she's the naughty one out of the two female leads the other one even the other one did say like she she wanted to pose for playboy i think i'm just gonna pose for playboy what do you think you definitely have what it takes gross my dad even thinks it's a good idea oh oh it wouldn't be one to argue with your dad didn't have to say that please don't she did and her dad was totally fine with it yeah like hey whatever you could do to make money you're dumb physical money you gotta [ __ ] the elderly cop or opposed dude or do both you got two choices honorable men it's a movie about a cop who was irresistible to college aged girls who oh let's not forget his college professor friend who he learned from that's clearly 10 years younger than him yeah yeah right right well that's the scene where because we it's a bizarre bizarre it's hypothetical speaking there could have been a a real story about like a 23 year old cop who got shot in the line of duty and he had some relationship issues with uh the the daughter of the veteran sergeant who had a 20 year old daughter look at like well yeah cass the 45 year old man what would you say you cast you're talking about the guy that cast the movie you cast yourself when you cast yourself 45 year old man in that room that's irresistible to 18 year yeah see that's what we're talking that's when the black tank top is a sheer effect we're talking about the neil breen faithful findings even though he didn't do anything yeah he was irresistible to that 16 year old new brain in his last movie had the common sense even though he he wrote the 16 year old big attracted to him at least the character turned her the [ __ ] down yeah that's true you can't do this anymore [Music] he he at least had that border there i understand that or gedivin i mean he you know he had the the playboy model or whatever it was that he was completely irresistible too right i i don't remember i've not seen the whole movie i've only seen the episode but yeah we've got we the problem is we've got that crossover here in the ego between i am irresistible to women and i am irresistible to young women that i should not be [ __ ] and there's no connection between him uh young women being attracted to him and him being a cop that gets shot in the line of duty no there's no connection between those two things cops are honorable men and all women are attracted to honorable men it's just that all the women that are around are of college age [Laughter] there are no older women in this movie it's slim pickings in virginia apparently yeah they're college age but their their high school literature teacher is is teaching them a high school level play yeah and they're throwing tardies for 14 year olds because that's who gets arrested or whatever oh except the ramones are there there's no one there oh those dudes the ramones are there who invited them they just show up they came to play their song it's virginia josh because full disclosure okay uh the three of us have watched this movie once already we realized how majestic and magical it was so we wanted to do it on an episode i'm glad you showed it to me i appreciate being that person did uh garrett sayer look vaguely familiar to you at all vaguely because he uh another movie that was shot in virginia that we've done previously on best of the worst uh is the satan killer where the writer director star is the [ __ ] brother of garrett sayer what are you trying to tell me it's steven sayer no we made fun of his is his imdb image that looks like a mug shot and this is his brother oh both both have experience in law enforcement both are inept filmmakers apparently incompetence and screenwriting once in the family [ __ ] out didn't they almost make a reference to satan killers i don't know i think no i don't i don't think i got it out they made a joke about satanists yeah they did yes the occupants are also believed to be involved in witchcraft so they'll probably try to cast some sort of a voodoo spell on us this is your class yes they did they did i think i was trying to get something around that and there were bikers and i was trying to get some oh [ __ ] hell we didn't realize until afterwards we looked it up on imdb and we were like wait a minute so this is the product of a [ __ ] dynasty is what you're talking oh yeah yeah yeah a long history of making an incompetent cop film holy [ __ ] all right all right all right how old are you hey hey watch me chug this milk i feel like king kong they're chugging snapple jay i'm still standing here and seeing what was that scene kate's mcfadden oh no there's two roads in honorable men one is kind of like drug drug guy plot right honorable man stops drug dealers right yeah gets shot in the end yeah right right road to his honorable man has relations with young women okay who can't get their hands off him because he's so handsome yeah he's so awesome he's a cop he's a military man and a cop and that's all the ladies want neither plot have i ever have a sufficient beginning middle or end no then the movie stops yes [Music] is this the end yep it is yes what why what mike yeah what's the best of the worst oh boy yeah i don't even have an answer myself oh you know what about it you know what josh i got i'm gonna have to go god rich it's not the easiest no no no you think about it i have to consult with my best friend 25 years for chubbin you've never been a kiss co-star but never been kissed co-star we were in a drew barrymore film together we've been through hell together do i pick the film with the ape or the ch but i got one thing have you ever seen a film like honorable men is that new to the palette as opposed to a giant as opposed to a giant name have you seen a giant eight-month boring thriller mike have you ever written this movie before my pick for best of the worst is honorable men all right because uh it is the most embarrassing vanity project i've ever seen and that is get even get even gideon is the most embarrassing vanity project this is the most uncomfortable vanity project this is like this is like gawking at a car wreck where where a bus full of crashed into a bus full of teenage girls [Laughter] uh but so rich is uh uh are we gonna segue into that is that i know is weird it is you don't you don't feel good about it you don't feel good about it but in terms of best of the worst yeah it is the best of the worst because it is unique it's shocking it's shocking watching it and then somebody thought this was okay yes yes yes [Music] oh he's i think he's looking around he's gonna start reaching his hand it wouldn't be surprising he's an honorable man he's an honorable man you just he just want to make sure no one knows around because he came in his pants honorable men only have sex with children when it's consensual which it never is at no point during the production of the film did anyone say hey don't do this right yeah there was no one to say no jay uh it's it's honorable men i don't feel good about this but it's honorable men what a pervert i [ __ ] i [ __ ] knew jay would pick the convertibles we just we just we just we just baited him into that yeah my real pick was easy kill no no that's the thing is like i mean honorable men is fascinating in general but especially compared to ape or easy kill like those movies are kind of boring [Music] they have their charm they they have their charm they they both have their charms if you're going to watch it with a group i i got a feeling ape might please more people look at the sets yeah in a generic like mystery science theater way yes it's the perfect mystery science theater movie that was never on mystery science yeah honorable men is like the advanced bad movie to watch it's the ap course you've seen you've seen everything else it's a big course of bad movies where you're in this psychological realm of the film why would you do this we have done we have done this idea at least 101 times at least 101 times not counting all the times we did it just for fun when we thought oh sweet youth when we just enjoyed this as a pastime yeah but in terms of yeah in terms of like crowd pleasing ape 100 sure that's a super fun movie you could show to your friends everything makes sense you can hear all the dialogue you know you bad costumes foam sides these the apes flipping off everybody yeah yeah yeah when the military guys are talking that's when everybody gets drinks or nachos totally take a little break come back for the eight miniature action you have no point to leave during honorable men because you're gonna miss something [ __ ] weird easy kill easy kill ended up just pissing us off frankly yeah because it tried to be more than it was it's just stupidly written yeah i've never seen anything like honorable men what what what is it and i try to just i cannot wrap my my brain around it i have to pick it i can't not pick it because as much as it makes me feel desperately uncomfortable we have some serious problems out there because of alcohol and drug abuse and i would call it the main problem our society has today i'm sorry i had to tell you this but ryan said that he thought you were a [ __ ] you [ __ ] [ __ ] best of the worst can we stab easy kill no oh you know oh hold up oh [ __ ] oh you got it oh i feel it too yeah oh weird some kind of text alert yeah yeah [ __ ] oh man another update jesus christ oh i guess the cdc is requiring massing all right great that's great i'm gonna have my mask here i just can't i'm gonna be able to see this this will protect me from coronavirus jesus i still don't know how this is gonna protect from corona virus i can't i can't even see through this thing better put the whole thing on do you guys see no no me neither oh boy boy it's just too big for a small world like ours [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 2,337,128

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: wqf4lOZEank

Length: 96min 8sec (5768 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 02 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Tarlcabot18]

Mike's Never Been Kissed story is one of the most genuinely enjoyable things they've done in awhile.

[u/TrueButNotProvable]

Rich and Mike were extras in Never Been Kissed, which was released in April 1999. Rich Evans was born in 1977, so he would have turned 22 later in 1999.

So, there is a non-zero possibility that, when Never Been Kissed came out on VHS later that year and Rich rented it to watch at home, he wanted to make a snack to eat while watching the movie, and decided to try making french fries on the stove. The rest is history.

[u/MoneyMP3]

Holy shit the bit about Mike and rich being extras on that drew Barrymore movie has me in tears. Poor rich Evans balloon.

[u/herkyjerkyperky]

That last movie was 100% made so the writer/director/actor guy could get to kiss and grope a bunch of different blonde women.

[u/CELTICPRED]

Watching Frank Stallone chase after the poor woman and invite himself in and start to use the bathroom and shave and shower had no reason to be as funny as it was

Edit: this episode just keeps getting better after they show that headshot of the other Sayer brother, where Rich makes that mugshot and headshot joke about Harvey Weinstein 🤣🤣

[u/-LEGO-]

Mike missed a Star Trek reference in APE - the boyfriend character ran a bar on the holodeck in TNG Episode 2x19 and was Vaskan Ambassador Daleth on Star Trek: Voyager

[u/_Meme_Sauce]

i’ve been a fan of RLM for about 6 years at this point, and I still get so insanely happy when I see a new video in my sub box. love these guys so much

[u/rafonseeca]

Josh pulling out an old ass phone at the end is the most Josh thing ever.

[u/grahamja]

It was nice to see that Mike was forced to make his choice first, instead of receiving the opportunity to play the contrarian.