r/Tumblr | Tumblring down the rabbit hole at 2am

well I'd time my sister was working at Home Depot and got called down to help handle an outrageously angry man returning a lawn mower and it was our dad oh boy time to browse our slash tumbler which is a budget tumblr post at 2:00 a.m. when I have a final in 8 hours because why the hell not oh and disclaimer today I learned a troop of 15 monkeys escaped a primate research centre in Japan by using trees catapults over a 5 meter high electric fence and afterwards were lured back with peanuts monkey brain if we pull back this tree we can use it to preserve momentum to hurl ourselves over the dangerous fence also monkey brain Yahoo peanut and get out 2017 Rose is shown using the search engine being this is a subtle nod to the fact that she's a deranged psychopath a [Laughter] graphologist created a new buyers got to get kids more involved in recycling the freaking TV store down the block this is like something at a Parks & Rec in Old Norse Men didn't say I love you they would say who Jesus Christ I'm not even gonna attempt reading this one which loosely translates they do you were my Valkyrie and I would follow you across the nine realms and into eternity and I think that's beautiful baby let me just put that into Google Translate here you can live by hammer at any time if you know me my wife is out of town so I have successfully e'en burritos for the last four meals which all happened before noon eating this fifth burrito is not really fun but I've given up on too many goals in the past and I'm not giving up on another this man is a professor at my college I was in our class today a girl was crying and her friend was comforting her but she kind of just stopped and was like I'm sorry about what happened but where did you get your eyeliner it seems to be really good like it didn't smudge or anything then the girl was that was crying sniffles and said it's sharpie [Laughter] let's abolish all clocks the concept of time itself live by sunlight primal instincts and internal clocks only when is the next bus getting here it's a surprise that's no different from how buses already operate today I learned that someone set up a solar-powered mp3 and speaker system in the middle of the Namibian desert to play Africa by toto for the rest of time imagine being hopelessly lost in the Namibian desert and you start hearing Africa playing somewhere over the dunes you're like okay that's pretty surreal but a definite sign of human life which means I'm saved but then you get closer and it's just this thing there is only one good yandere in the history of anime ever and it's panini from chowder please note that babies and cats cannot use the fit meter please note that babies and cats cannot use the fit meters but why dogs because a chunky cat is a blessing that's why today's aesthetic keeping the same tab open in your browser for three solid weeks because you're definitely going to get around to reading and or acting on whatever is in it any minute now this is a personal attack don't talk to me or my 67 tabs ever again I don't think enough retellings of the Cain and Abel story make note of the fact that nobody had ever been killed or even died of who before would have happened Kate had no idea beating his brother to death could plausibly be a bad thing Jane really did around and find out Kane hey I wonder what would happen if I hit Abel over the head with this rock Abel just drops like a speck deep shower thoughts no matter how old you are an empty wrapping paper tube is still fun to bog someone over the head with ash texting a cardboard tube activates the cane and sting what if your eyes change color depending on your mood a teacher looking up from a lecture and being annoyed that all the students eyes are gray with boredom until they notice with sinking horror that one student in the back who is deeply aroused me how old were you oh I was a freshman me a European I still have no idea how old you were someone from the UK I'm in six for me how many regenerations do you have left that's a Star Trek joke for all you Trekkies out there I'm only kidding can you do some girl Barney the Dinosaur ballot sorry what now Sakurai voice never asked me for anything ever again I regret nothing they say it's a mystery how the pyramids were built but I reckon they started at the bottom and worked their way up let's face it this looks a lot more difficult I've been crying laughing over this for the past five minutes this honestly reminds can you have a show on the History Channel where they spent like 25 minutes wondering how the sides of all the pyramids seemed to be perfectly divisible by pyres something and people were theorizing about aliens and some last form of mathematics but then at the end they interviewed a tired looking freaking anthologies and he was just like maybe they just used a wheel to do all their measurements the whole show just immediately collapsed can you imagine being so far up your own ass with conspiracy theories that you forget about circles it's only an unpaid internship if you don't steal enough office supplies stealing is wrong you mean unpaid internships I agree we're doing post-modernism in sociology and the teacher was talking about language games language that is so specialized that unless you're part of a specific group it's totally incomprehensible and as an example he gave us this monstrosity oh my god and what's even worse I understood it I had to explain this to my sociology class this is why we should have never let millenials become teachers if you don't understand what this means I could say that you're probably a lost cause professor asked me if I prefer miss or mister because non-binary and i acttally said yeah boy without thinking so now i have a professor that calls me yeah boy rodgers every time I see him I'm not seeing the problem daily shower thoughts in 20 years and filmmakers will be making period pieces say in the early 2000s with over exaggerated aspects of that era such as frosted tips striped polos shark teeth necklaces and blasting some 41 all the time are you implying that the 2000s era wasn't aggressively doing all of these things I Google do ORMs Brady then it suddenly went into the first-person first worm POV and it threw me up so far worms do not have lungs but I breathe through my skin I take an oxygen through my skin and it goes right into my bloodstream my skin must say why didn't order for the oxygen to pass through it but if I am in too much water I drown just keep me tamp moist and slimy just keep me damp excellent reasons to give pets boring human names to see how long it takes co-workers to realize you're talking about a pet and not as significant other Dave and I were watching a movie in bed the other night or about a kid Maria is not allowed to eat the raisins she's allergic you can use them as an excuse Taylor hates it when I get home late eventually you get to say things like Jennifer got stuck between the wall in the refrigerator again American food my friend came back from the UK today this is the only picture he'd dug I'll lick over represented by Lucky Charms pop-tarts Hershey's syrup and two ungodly sugar filled monstrosities which I mean to be fair he's pretty accurate look how much he's grown my son it's like one of those pills you put in water and it turns into a sponge dinosaur by the way just in case this helps someone cooking creativity is okay baking's stick to the recipe you can usually adjust sugar content to taste though bread wait for the right weather conditions or engineer them be one assertive and self-confident mother her because dough can feel it if you aren't a blood sacrifice probably helps trust the gods pastry your God is dead the god of gluten and madness is risen abandon all hope ye who enter here Yoda in the originals a little creature I am Yoda in the prequels backflip I duel responsible for war crimes I am today I learned that Hoover Dam is expected to be one of the last remaining visible structures from our species and it contains a star map that if no other means were available could be used to determine the exact date on which Hoover Dam was completed we could have just chiseled in the date on it it's not some Stone Age creation yeah because the squid people that inherit the earth will know when Christ was born hey Phil be Catholic my dad always tells me that when he's with people bragging about their kids accomplishments and such he goes yeah but are they like cool and the parents always give him a confused look and he goes are they cool my kids are so cool I love hanging out with them and it always throws people off and I think that's so funny and sweet like I may be a idiot with just about zero accomplishments but at least my dad being some cool I guarantee to you the other kids are not cool my dad and I every once in a while play command & Conquer generals and that's like honestly it's like one of my favorite things to do and I don't think you know is that I would be so dangerous if I knew how anything worked that's it that's the show the show is goddamn amazing don't you dare make fun of it sometimes you have to just treat yourself like an overtired toddler okay as soon as you finish this assignment you can take a little nap you just cleaned your room good job hmm maybe eating a snack will stop you from wanting to cry sometimes I think you mean all the time being an adult is just parenting yourself if you find bones in the forest sit a bit and listen they are old and they have some good stories to tell maybe they'll teach you a spell or two or explain where the water on our planet came from you find bones by the ocean run don't look back run faster faster the sea may love you but there are nights where she knows neither mercy nor science and the bones warn you only once well I have you find bones call the police I hate this website so much this is a piece of creative writing in case you couldn't tell from the fact that real bones don't usually go hey little momma let me whisper bony secrets in your ear I warn you of the incoming tides like a calcified weather frog [ __ ] algebra I don't need it I just just give me a dead body and I'll figure it out from there I feel I should clarify I'm a mortuary science major people who leave their phones at the military time are war criminals how do you look at 1605 and go wow I can understand that bootlickers what's next you're gonna you gotta go join the army recruit me Americans be like okay I can't pass I can't count past 12 actually today I learned the Bible contains a passage where it says it became dark in daytime during the crucifixion of Jesus was discovered a total eclipse did actually occur in Jerusalem on the 24th of November 29 seee at around 11 a.m. this fat got dismissed by the church because the date is not in accordance with easter historians we found out the actual date Jesus was crucified Catholic Church how dare you question our appropriation of pagan holidays okay but like can you imagine being a Roman nailing up some dude who is like I'm the son of God brah and then the Sun goes black i jus Old West saloon owner make it to the floorboards don't creak when regular patrons walk in but do creak with a mysterious stranger walks in carpenter what what if you intentionally put one squeaky floorboard and tell your regulars that if they squeak it their first drink cause 10% extra then only new people who don't know the rule will step on it and familiars will avoid it did did you just write an algorithm for human behavior because that is exactly what I would expect from a robot appreciation tumbler hey thanks for making to the outro if you want to see me stream I'll be streaming this Friday on my gaming channel so go check that out also if you enjoyed this content you should totally subscribe and like the video and comment and I'd be pretty cool if you did I also got a discord in Twitter if you want to go check those out and now that I finished shilling the 20 seconds is up and I'll see you all next time

Channel: Oz Media

Views: 1,525,715

Rating: 4.9586196 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit cringe, satire, comedy, funny, tumblr, r/tumblr, tumblr in action, r/tumblrinaction, memes

Id: rGkSr7-lN0w

Length: 15min 23sec (923 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 27 2019