Build-a-Sub Workshop ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (r/Tumblr)

choose me name me take me home stuff me build a sub workshop where you can take home your own welcome back you lovely degenerates before we uh jump into this mess of a video let's get these things out of the way listen if you don't know how to interact with strangers without using slurs maybe the funny space being game is too advanced for [Laughter] [Music] i mean this is a good message but why is this being said by a jimmy neutron street cap actually dude oh look at you hacker a pathetic creature of meat and bone how can you challenge a perfect immortal machine my counselor talking about psychology our frontal lobe is what separates us from monkeys me so i said you mean that part of you give me the part that doesn't work properly in my brain right right so what you're saying is basically a monkey metal is just spicy dirt change my mind hashtag you know what else is spicy dirt my dad's cooking and he's not even here to defend himself mic drop damn dude you you're just gonna obliterate your dad like that huh watching human technological developments has to be really stressful for aliens because every time we look like we're gonna invent something even remotely cool we immediately use it to hurt another human human grabs a stick alien yes grabs a rock yes invents the hammer yes yes yes yes murders his neighborhood bagport god damn it me misses the charging port while trying to plug my phone in the bbc sherlock who lives in my head alcoholic here's here's the clip every night he goes to plug it into charge but his hands are shaking you never see those marks on a sober man's phone never see a drunks without them i am the ceo of antifa we have sleeper cells and burger kings all across the country our agents are secretly giving impossible whoppers to every conservative man who thinks he's ordering a good christian hamburger in six months the republican party will be reduced to cat girls great now i have to worry about gerry meandering reblog if i had to read that last sentence so do all of you i entered the web design class header one font family comic sans microsoft font size 50 pixels font color magenta i am forcibly removed from the web design class it serves you right god damn it nsfw now means not safe for wealth rich people don't interact i will pay you a hundred dollars if you let me interact the smug look while he's only the coin just god damn it [Laughter] all right so the other day i started writing an office romance but i quickly remembered that i have no idea what working in office is like what like uh as opposed to your vast personal expertise and romance [Laughter] what the [ __ ] hell why is bearskin condoms a thing why would you want a condom made out of bear skin isn't that like [ __ ] animal cruelty okay so um i uh i i may have been informed that it's bare skin condoms i am i i am so sorry sean hannity on fox news liberals want spiders to be even sexier you know i i thought that closed captioning was messed up but nope nope he actually said that [Laughter] even oh whoa watch this hey uh ohio followers i'm uh i'm sorry i i just i just rode through your whole state in four hours and saw like three buildings hey yo p where did you see the buildings where did you see the buildings opie so i i just watched shape of water on the plane and like up damn she really flooded her whole apartment for that fish dick frankly you just liked it sometimes okay but like it literally isn't and i'm concerned coward fish [ __ ] previously on tumblr cat when i'm busy doing something and can't pet him right that second where is my kiss from mommy where is my snuggles and cuddles that i crave so dearly you are a cruel and unjust mother and i am going to scream may i add this piece from artist verbal vomit mother mother fetus we are but skin and bone mother cares not for us [Laughter] glad to see we're all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children i am so incredibly glad that we finally moved on from i can has cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about my cat banging the cabinet door over and over bang bang bang you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door this is a test of wills is it not we shall see if your ability to put up with my incest banging outlasts my eternal lust for snacky treats years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose bang bang bang my cat throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot oh oh i have been assailed in my own home have mercy have pity shirley in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mouth of goodness that might stay your hand do not strike me i pray you me okay my cat after waiting about three minutes bang bang bang when mother takes you to see the sail ships and cheers and vine humor so you are rewarded for being an agreeable young boy can i hide snacky treat father why have you forbade me from entering the delicious chamber it's it's called an oven and you will die i am strong father god there's more this pose just keeps getting better i'm teaching piano to a four-year-old who lives across the road and i'm loving it mostly because today she told me i'm little but one day i'm going to be tall like you i'm 5'1 i haven't been called tall ever in my life i almost started crying i mean yeah but like she'll be tall like you soon like tomorrow maybe [Music] super mario 64. mario mario saw an ad in the newspaper for about them a job mario's are going to take it it seems that easy pay yahoo first a night on the job everyone why are they moving just casually losing his ah except when the first one moves helpful grammar tip farther is for physical distance further is from metaphorical distance and father is for emotional distance who who hurt you my father did did you not did you not read the post so the very religious horse girl from my school posted this picture on her facebook page and i'm okay just god give me a reason to go to work horses aren't cheap my child this is unintentionally better than any supposed all right so i dreamed that kindergarten nap time was called sleep class and everybody went to sleep including the teacher if you were awake it would get a little bit foggy outside and gray and cloudy and these guys would start approaching the classroom from behind the tree line forgive my uh shitty phone drawing like okay and they were at least a story tall and some of them were taller i mean you could see their legs over the trees they would approach very slowly this one the one i drew had a name for some reason his name was kik but like okay before i was totally awake my brain conjured a meme of a bunch of these guys approaching from the tree line and a child watching from the window with the caption when you're the only one awake in sleep class laughing blushing smug emoji and we got this interpretation down here and then uh when you're the only one awake [Music] in sleep class okay this is this is terrifyingly close to what i saw in my head while i was sleeping thank you today i learned that the singer of peanut butter jelly time died an 11 hour police standoff during which time his brother-in-law's snoop dogg attempted to calm him down and surrender okay so like reading that was like 10 consecutive punches to the throat so before the movie starts it's just like 50 people sitting in the dark eating corn hashtag for a few minutes you too can experience what it's like to live in ohio hey everyone fun statistical fact cows are about 300 times more likely to kill you than coyotes and a minor side note to statistical fact if it was common for people to keep several hundred coyotes on their property and routinely chase them into a corral and handle them this statistic would be different hashtag that's my presentation of data matters hashtag to prevent misinformation okay so the best reddit thread i've seen was someone asking if the gang from always sunny in philadelphia could kill darth maul almost all the responses were over four paragraphs long okay but but like the the best quote from that thread to give the gang a slight advantage we'll assume that darth maul has not seen any of the films in the home alone franchise shower thoughts official trees live underground and use the above ground part as a snorkel i mean like i [ __ ] guess bad jokes by jeff i called my best friend just now and said hey i have a joke for you friend alright shoot what has a tiny penis and hangs down i don't know what a bat now what has an enormous penis and hangs up i i i don't know what ah this is this is not a bad joke jeff this is the pinnacle of comedy here's a pitch who wants to be a millionaire but the contestants are billionaires so it's more of a threat every question they get wrong they lose more money from their current savings to 1 million the questions are all things ordinary people should know like what's the cost of a loaf of bread taylor swift breaks political silence to throw support behind restoring the shogun to the throne of japan this is very high on my list of favorite onion articles so um why did i just assume this was real at first when i first read this my brain was just like yeah that sounds reasonable just after all this [ __ ] that has happened this year a headline like this doesn't even phase me you know i i just i just don't know how many more of uh it is what it is i got left in me man see i don't i don't know if the date this was posted on makes it funnier or just like uh i'd sadder because it was oh someone should probably check on them the power flickered three times if we lose power i'm quitting just give me 20 minutes for my chicken nuggets to cook please please vegan i hope your power runs out you know that's [ __ ] nice and all but the chicken is already in the nuggets the power going out isn't gonna save a chicken it's a nugget already sorry see i i love this pose because he said vegan like it's a fallout skill check failed that's a [ __ ] tumblr where i have to explain why child labor is wrong to 27 year old libertarians hey some kids literally have no choice but to work because their family is desperately poor are you going to prevent a family from having the extra income because it gives you moral fuzzies tumblr where i have to explain why child labor is wrong to 27 year old libertarians the cowboy has failed us but we can build a better cowboy a cow man god creating little mass x how uh how is the caption uh more hilarious than the comic alright so the donald trump animatronic at disneyland's hall of presidents looks like they made an animatronic for hillary went and stretched a hastily made donald trump's skin over hillary's facial structure that is oddly specific and hauntingly what it really looks like bad jokes by jeff the word is hollywood executives are mad about elliot page transitioning from woman to man because now they'll have to pay him 20 more oh no how dare you be this buddy jeff types of xmas songs she just was a baby once and he was very cool the big red man is coming there's snow outside that's good i'm alone on xmas and sad santa claus is very sexy christmas trees love them you know what it's christmas time don't forget uh you better watch out you better watch out you better watch out and uh you guys you guys can't forget uh my mother just kissed a strange man and i think it'd be funny to see my parents marriage crumble also it's christmas the moral of rudolph the red-nosed reindeer is that no one likes you unless you're useful rudolph the red-nosed reindeer is capitalist propaganda discuss rudolph was already exactly as useful as other reindeer the moral is deviation from the normally punished unless it is exploitable hey uh hey kids could you just light it up a little okay so this cracks me up just a little bit so at my job i have to answer emails from all over the world and sometimes people in the countries have a strange grasp on american english so you know i've been called things like my lord and you know etc but today oh today we got an email from germany that just opened with hello y'all [Laughter] [Music] i'm just trying to imagine a german accent saying y'all my brain can't physically comprehend it please stop drawing my father's penis thanks thanks bowser jr for the the psc all right so the funniest part of this to me is that they didn't use the g in super mario galaxy it's just the google logo there is no war in boston say the moon landing was faked and major words in mario games have never used a g please stop bringing attention to my mistakes i already feel terrible anyway what about the age and super mario sunshine or the why in mario party ha this is actually justified so kiss my yes okay the y is from mario teaches typing your ass trying to one-up me like everyone else but you failed [Music] hey hey dude there's a there's a g in that one too though one man's trash derogatory is another man's trash affectionate this sad this post is only in here because the possum that that's the only reason hey you made to this end of this episode of tumblr if you uh you know haven't seen the other ones you should because there's there's a couple posts that are now started to travel across videos so you should uh get caught up on those anyways um yeah if you if you enjoyed this video you should uh subscribe and like and comment and all that jazz and i'll see y'all next time

Channel: Oz Media

Views: 496,623

Rating: 4.9743867 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, satire, comedy, funny, tumblr, r/tumblr, reddit top posts, tumblr posts, tumblr reads, dank memes, memes, humor, lol, reddit stories, best reddit posts

Id: XxDY4Ri-c50

Length: 18min 34sec (1114 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 16 2020