TUMBLR POSTS BEYOND COMPREHENSION (r/Tumblr)

so I just heard a customer two miles over ago hey I think this is that special glass that doesn't shatter when you drop it followed by the sound of shattering glass I hate retail welcome back you lovely degenerates now before we jump into this we got to get these things out of the way okay so today we found a lost King Charles Spaniel whoo scholar said donkey and he's currently at my house until we find his owner we found out after the first couple of hours that he doesn't respond to his name unless you say it like Shrek so I don't know what can [Laughter] Animal Crossing des okay we'll put your angela's in the game to encourage kids not to play too much at night unemployed quarantine Millennials frothing at the mouth at the thought of being able to pay off a mortgage Trangia I haven't ran to my official United States fact of the day the reason when you can't dig a hole through the earth income up on the other side is because your shovel would melt that's it it's the only reason so what have you brought a second shovel that you put in a fridge beforehand to make it colder yeah that'll work how to be polite and show respect in the old days I feel Japan a samurai warrior would shout you're trying to view Flash content but you have no Flash plugin installed hmm they were truly ahead of their time I think I see this site where you could craft your own emojis out of other emoji bits within reason I got this one this emoji was present during the writing of the revelation in the Bible a surprising result a pair of paintings by William Henry Hamilton truth British 1848 to 1899 get it it's pretty self-explanatory we're pretty cute this dude spent like a year and a half painting a Victorian reaction gif a new version of Phineas and Ferb is being released it is on a streaming service and will be rated and a everyone wonders what this mature version of their beloved kid should will be the first season is released and you start watching it is just the same as the first season of the old show is this some elaborate joke finally at the end of the episode it happens dr. Doofenshmirtz is defeated as he usually is this time however as Perry is making his exit you hear Doofenshmirtz is the only thing that has changed in the show so once I'm in freshmen history class a teacher asked if we support women's suffrage one kid didn't raise his hand because women shouldn't have to suffer imagine being him thinking women's suffrage is women's suffering and the entire class raises their hands and just being like guys just shower thoughts how long does something have to be dead before it's considered archeology instead of grave robbing as an archaeologist I find this a very awkward question which with a dick says answer the question grave robber which I take immense psychic damage from the United States election cycle it's designed that way I'm not even from your country it's designed that way so like imagine Beauty and the Beast but reverse like I kiss the love of my life and she turns into a sick D monster and it's awesome Shrek nevermind host cancelled so I work at a retirement home and one of the residents heard me saying mood all the time and she asked what it meant and now she won't stop saying it another resident fell over and she was just like oh Jesus [Laughter] Opie you are adding invasive elements to a fragile ecosystem Society is good mood not to be a joyless communist but if we can have chocolate without slavery we shouldn't have chocolate Knicely says slavery reporting well I mean yeah net Nestle does own waka so what the hell do you think oppa Lupe's work did they just willingly do that little dance on their own free time no God no reblog if you're a joyless communist by Tony's jackal only slave free chocolate Nestle okay I realized what bothers me about the Skyrim horses head-tracking normal horses don't look at you head-on because they see better to this side which implies that Skyrim horses are predators you know I wish Americans with more foreign music you don't have to know the language to appreciate a good record folks and other countries listened to our music and don't speak a lick of English music needs no translator yah won't trick me into listening to kpop so I was a professional juggler for like five years and all my friends politely pretend it never happened sometimes I'll be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child's hand I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think don't you dare so hard that I take psychic damage huh okay sweet I learn a DIY recipe for a guillotine and the revolution is now repair your bed table milk you capitalist swine people who act like they're too mature for Pokemon go honestly all sounded like this drill tweets meanwhile while you were gaming I tasted a hundred different wines in a cave behind the waterfall and crying into his shamans arms Jesus Christ Jesus me removes my cat from my lap to do something else my cat [ __ ] father he's evil father is unyielding father he's incapable of love I am running away I'm begging my little rucksack and I am going to explore the world there's a lone vagabond I can no longer thrive in this householder this is the spiritual successor to me add me lightly touching me it's with the side of my foot mIET move out of the way please so I don't trip on you yet her eyes enormous you kick me it you kick your body like the football oh oh jail for mother jail for mother for 1000 years yet I also add chat when I'm snuggling I've never met you in my life you bastard you fiend stop this at once yeah when I'm busy doing something and can't pet him right that second where is my kiss from mommy where is my snuggles and cuddles that I craved so dearly you are a cruel and unjust mother and I'm going to scream so my nights and your brother puts sports bottle lids on his chocolate milk that's pretty genius thank you for sharing his wisdom with us I feel like a dick but I use this to my advantage earlier today a road rook boy and I ranked game I typed in chat don't be racist and an enemy got instantly kicked because I baited him into typing something racist tactic oh boy I feel like a dick racist shouldn't have nice things if your first impulse are being till don't be racist is to do something boy only racist yet is there whatever happens to you you've heard of humans being severely injured to review mechanical insights now get ready for a far more horrifying alternative machines and technology being damaged to reveal MIDI bloody insides wait a minute I've seen this one before some video game channel if you use cheats to clip through this area you will find a model of a tomato I wonder why they put this there me every time Oh Deb's yeah okay so when we take out the tomato everything breaks so we just left it in the biggest scam of all time was convincing kids that Wikipedia a free source of unlimited information isn't reliable when there's literal sources at the bottom and a strict editing policy seriously though it's someone who put literal years of effort into creating a Wikipedia hoax it's basically impossible to get away with it for more than like an hour their vigilant I tried to build up trust by doing legit editing but my account got reviewed because I approved a page that mismeasured the size of a ship by a few centimeters a few centimeters me in history class Wow humanity has been through some fascinating times I wonder if I'll ever live through major historical events me now no no no no I want to go back I want to get off this ride it was supposed to be space travel it was supposed to be supposed to be space travel space travel supposed to be I love old science fiction because it's all like it's the distant year 2003 and man is exploring the deep corners of the universe like God bless you all sci-fi you had such high hopes for us the Disney research company has created a room that wirelessly charges your phone as soon as you walk in the copper pulled the center of the room sends out currents through the walls and floors that can charge phones laptops and other devices so you'll never run out of battery within 15 feet of the pole it's this spawn room or Ehnle reminder that Nikola Tesla proposed using the ionosphere to do this on a global scale over a century ago the only reason we didn't have that set today is because capitalists wouldn't be able to make money off of it I mean well also because on his first experiment with the concept he blew out a power plant generator and up you know killed a few horses hey well happens they call me seven knives because that's how many knives it takes me to cook pigs but cuz I keep putting them in the sink without thinking about it in Joker Arthur suffers from a condition that causes him to laugh loudly and uncontrollably even when things are not funny when he tries to do stand-up he has difficulty finishing a joke due to laughing too hard this is a reference to Jimmy Fallon who the character is based on re slash too afraid to ask is it normal to go on a walk in my neighborhood like I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt are people gonna think I'm weird at it I got high in super paranoid sorry folks dude this guy got so high he astral projected into April 2020 the host that our Airbnb haze the most talkative cat that is the host I love libraries man like I've been chilling in my college library and ranley pulling out books and today I looked at one called medieval sexuality and it wasn't talking about how mungus thought they should never have sexual feelings or get erections ever and there was a quotation from the account of this one monk who wrote about how a woman had to stay with him one night because she was like traveling or something and this side of her made him so horny that during the night he had to stick his hand in a candle flame to distract himself from how horny he was and also at least one month wrote about having homoerotic dreams about Jesus kids these days need to open a book and be scarred for life by some obscure historical fact that they could have easily gone their entire lives without knowing what wins a book takes 3,000 psychic damage closes book me friend who lives hundreds of miles away I made food me can I have some friend who lives hundreds of miles away yes you here spaghetti flop against the receiver humans are innately attracted to glowing orbs and portals and that's very on brand for us I mean it's pretty lucky we evolved out of the ocean because angler fish would have decimated our population I flip a job interview so bad today they asked me why I wanted to work at this fast food restaurant and I blinked and said that when I was little I liked their fries and wanted to be the French fry Queen yeah I got the job so I dated a five-foot-eight guy who taught every jacked six-foot-three bro he met until they put their face back to beat him up whereupon my eggs would go hey hey come on man I'm a little guy I'm just a little guy no it's awesome my birthday I'm a little birthday boy and it somehow always worked gnome core okay so once a bard friend ruled a one for seduction and ended up killing a girl and tried to hide the body he was God role deception and they offered dancing the guards enrolled low again so all the guy well arresting him and the DM had desired line in the entire game and make up a dungeon for the rest of us to get our stupid part out of but we didn't so if like three nights the DM essentially ran two different games one of us questing with that corpse and then the adventures of escape from boner castle easy deuce his way out naturally a true Bard I my way into his meds you know my way out of it Mystic Aquarium is also letting its animals busy each other during this time of great boredom get you a partner who looks at you like this sea lion looks at this tank ooh with abject horror [Laughter] it looks terrified all right someone took a screenshot crooked that's cool if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color they are 100% a cop yeah but you got to specify frost glaze your freeze or cool blue you can't just say blue because there's more than one blue blue or light blue nice try officer why is it a screenshot of tumblr and twitter at the same time and also at an angle I had that exact same question so apparently the dude who started Netflix did so because he got a $40 lead free from Blockbuster and was pissed god pettiness is the greatest motivation in the world oh if you think that's good check this out in 1888 Alan Brown's stronger an undertaker noticed he was losing a lot of business to the other Undertaker in his town he found out that the other Undertaker's wife was a telephone operator when she intercepted people asking to be connected a stronger his funeral home the operator would route the call to her husband's funeral home instead three years later stronger patented the automatic telephone exchange a system which allowed telephone users to make calls without the need for human operators he he destroyed a whole workforce thank you for watching and making it as far congratulations you're at the edge row now is that that's pretty cool you know you know not everyone makes it to the outro you should like LIKE and subscribe yeah anyways go check out sad milking and whatnot and see you all next time whoa

Channel: Oz Media

Views: 1,704,451

Rating: 4.9655428 out of 5

Keywords: best of tumblr, comedy, funny, meme, memes, oz media cats, r/tumblr, reddit, satire, tumblr, tumblr in action, tumblr memes, tumblr posts, victorian cats, victorian orphan cats, you kick miette

Id: hxJ2VFsp5gc

Length: 16min 58sec (1018 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 21 2020