r/SuspiciouslySpecific | Me and the Boys Visiting A Psychiatrist

how you be looking at the microwave burrito you just drop in the floor at 2:32 a.m. it is time for the second installment of our / suspiciously specific out of curiosity do you think you would still be charged with vehicle er manslaughter if your victim was an idiot woman biking in the middle of a dark road with no reflectors on her bike [Music] why just curious me whispers my wife I made bacon in the toaster my wife getting out of the car what the hell happened all six firemen he made bacon the toaster I would like to introduce you to Shane my favorite Walmart employee of all time Shane I don't know what swinecraft is but ham cannot be sold as a building material management 300 years before the birth of Christ collecting statues of nude women meant you were wealthy and respected a man of the arts nowadays society brains you as an anime pervert that's not allowed in this Applebee's anymore how times have changed wait a minute anymore what hell is right clicking to save an image and accidentally clicking email image and having to wait 40 years for some email program you didn't even know existed to rise from its slumber like some Lovecraftian ancient god meanwhile the fans in your laptop are preparing for takeoff and you stare dead-eyed as the rainbow spirals spirals spirals you wait and suffer this cosmic Karma days past just a few more seconds you slur your laptop freezes and the concept of time is no longer comprehensible your family and friends forget your name and you fade from existence I'm looking at you I would look 2007 me walks inside house managed sure is muggy outside her I swear if I go outside and all our mugs are in the lawn I'm going to kill you me sips coffee from cereal bowl Shane when a customer asks where to find a product give them give them an aisle number not directions to Albertsons management if you take a what character from the office are you quiz and get Michael so you retake it changing your answers and tell you to get Jim you're definitely a Michael yeah that is a pretty Michael thing to do edge me after drinking five dixie cups of bathroom sink water at 3:27 a.m. huh when you were supposed to be boating today but your cousin cheated on her husband and announced she's pregnant with a different man's child so now the family is going through hell and you're out of a boat trip Shane the deli is not an appropriate setting to practice your ventriloquism please stop making puppets out of the paper bags management me realizing that being gifted during my childhood and putting in absolutely no work but still excelling in my little fourth-grade classes is the reason I have little to no work ethic now and I get discouraged from things if I'm not good at them immediately well how how many of you feel this right now does God do I feel it my mom walking into my room giving me my friend's pizza rolls and seeing us with our pants pulled up to our chest but pretending to be craps okay when you send a picture with a girly snapchat filter to your home and he starts phat Big Smoke it's me Carl chill chill huh Shane any free samples do you offer must come from the deli department not electronics management when it's your day off and you live alone so you start doing your thing but a [ __ ] squirrel rips your entire goddamn house off its foundation I can explain heaven me after dying We Need to Talk God is this about the might is they said about the micro penis what the dude yes it's about the micro penis doing a bit more censorship than probably needs to be done because YouTube does not like me right now me and the boys when we get an invite to a girl's sleepover after pretending to be gay for 10 years nature is weird as just watch the beetle climb a big-ass tree fight like 5 other beetles and throw them off said tree he then proceeded to mate with the female at the top and once he finished this dude just heated her off the entry - when you have a heart attack at a necrophiliacs Anonymous meeting this is no place to die [Laughter] Shane stop putting out samples labeled as mystery meats management when you're home alone eating fried chicken in the shower and hear a noise in the house [Music] honestly I think being stuck in an Ikea overnight would feel like a literal nightmare if you mean to tell me there isn't a ghoul that manifests and wanders the halls and IKEA past closing time then I don't believe you scp-303 Potter hates Ohio yeah usually half of America hates Ohio too depending on what color they went for money pulled out of anywhere other than your purse pocket or wallet will not be accepted for example bra socks Underpants etc we got one of these up in northern Idaho and I got so many questions as to what made them put a sign up Shana stop putting on multiple nametags and pretending to have a personality disorder management when you find out they aren't serving alcohol at your nephews fifth birthday later homo the kid from high school trying to get me to join his pyramid scheme selling fancy knives me not currently in the market for fancy knives but enticed by the idea of a cult nonetheless his mom who is proud of him one of my buddies from high school actually got caught up in the knife and Helen Shayne quit offering extended warranties on the fried chicken management me and the boys at Max's funeral waiting for the attorney to read the will and tell us who will inherit the Bionicle collection some of y'all have never been yelled at by a middle-aged white lady about something wildly outside the realm of your paygrade while working in the service industry and it shows this may be suspiciously specific to some people but to others we know this as Karen Shayne quit putting price tags in the deli equipment in trying to sell them to customers management 51 year old newspaper comic strip writer desperate and sweaty scrawling pity images of kids holding up books and going is this an iPad the writer grins no one else does five magnificent beards that definitely look good but must make eating a big plate of spaghetti with your bare hands just a goddamn nightmare journalism that I live for man accused of exposing himself at public pool I've never seen someone looks so young yet so old so feminine yet so masculine so pretty yet so ugly I'm truly disturbed this is semi-related but there's this guy on campus that I had to take a philosophy class with who doesn't use shampoo or conditioner because he believes legitimately that it's used by the government to control your brain so his hair is this disgusting greasy rat's nest and honestly this just reminds me of it it kind of looks like him to me and the boys chilling at the hospital what the psychiatrist tries to explain the severity of my schizophrenia [Music] do not put knives in soapy water or anything else Shane Shane stop putting some assembly required stickers on the a piece chickens Pathfinder says change your smoke alarm batteries or get off the king Mike this also applies to those of you who would like to quote-unquote share their music taste with us over the mic what isn't illegal but creepy as hell staring into someone's window from the street to watch jeopardy on their TV because you're being mobbed cancelled cable would you found your vape Shane stop asking is that your final answer and offering to let them phone a friend after each order management some of you never had to sit at the table doing math till 1:00 a.m. with your dad shouting at you with tears in your eyes and it really shows when your grinder date comes over to watch some movies and see what happens and you bend over to put the DVD in and you're being extra as sticking yours ass out and you hear damn and you look over to give him the look and find out he's watching fortnight replays on his phone this sounds way too specific to be a meme and more like of a confession of a sin our /no stupid questions would I be able to kill a polar bear with an ak-47 it's a hypothetical question of course when your sister hides your Nintendo switch so you replace your insulin with heroin I'm gonna do what's called a pro-gamer move Shane stop pudding stoner approved seals on the fried chicken management anyone else go through that occasional phase we're toast and butter is just the tastiest [ __ ] creation the planet and you have to restrain yourself from eating an entire loaf of bread in 10 minutes or is it just me now here you're right on target there buddy the Walmart employee at the end of aisle 12 watching me eighty-seven cans of SpaghettiOs you gotta pay for that vaccinated kid gets eaten by a king moose Karen coincidence I think not if you don't get this one just just go watch my backs happen videos and it'll it'll make more sense Adams silver looks like he sneaks into cabinets late at night to eat raw pasta Shane stop implying Walmart keeps the good stuff in the back management yeah sex is cool and all but have you ever found a small door in your house that leads to a parallel universe and your new parents have buttons as eyes and they make you lots of food but then your fake mom gets skinny and kidnaps your real parents and then you have to save them with the help of a cat that movie is so underappreciated it's Coraline for those of you who don't know me after taking two pills from a pill bottle labeled pills that make it so if there's a cherry pie in a bear trap you can't see the bear trap and sing a cherry pie right next to me I mean what are the odds right [Music] what America looks like everywhere they look now this is what America looks like when you stop off the highway at Sun the area because you got a piss and maybe get a hot and spicy from McDonald's you don't go here you wind up here I was about to scroll past but the accuracy of that statement is astounding thank you for watching do the usual YouTube stuff I got end screens up here hopefully where I may have forgotten them I don't know it happens sometime anyways yeah do that subscribing check out the playlist the end cards and whatnot and I'll see y'all next time

Channel: Oz Media

Views: 1,645,942

Keywords: r/suspiciouslySpecific, reddit, best of reddit, Giofilms, satire, r/, reddit stories 2019, r/suspicious, funny reddit stories, sorrow tv, EmKay, r/suspiciously specific, reddit stories, reddit top posts

Id: tP79REnvcRc

Length: 13min 54sec (834 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 06 2019