r/Tumblr | The Ancient one Returns

his arrival was foretold in ancient murals oh boy and art slash tumblr it's one of these episodes gotta have these things in here right cyber bullying is no longer just a dream after school you die opens up word document dad to bully my felt poor old granny scorpion shoes no one ever saw her death coming it was pneumonia ah yes her pet scorpion pneumonia who lived in her shoe tragic he shot her at point-blank it's like a Monty Python sketch animal reviews snakes a review for centuries snakes have fascinated the imagination of mankind so far we have learned two things about their power one they can bite too they are tubes irate snakes four out of five stars for their dedication in their respect one star has been deducted because we do not know how they move and that is untrustworthy when we do my research like maybe there's someone in this abandoned clown factory who can help us Scoob this is what companies say every time they try to buy tumblr the answer just like too much Sun not enough Sun gram to wet ground to dry the ph balance is wrong there's not enough drainage I don't like Terra Cotta feed me stop feeding me God was killed here I do not buy with this soil and plants a nature be like oh whoa is that a crack in the concrete parents please avoid these situations by teaching your kids about Dragonball Z you bully child refuses to fight back because it's not the Jedi way also Jedi fight [ __ ] all the time it's a core part of the job the [ __ ] has this kid been watching must be these new [ __ ] ass Disney Jedi cuz my boy Anakin would have killed all those kids my grabbed isn't a horror game huh then explain why my ass has been slapped by several berry bushes while I'm peaceful buenos dias Blair what the was I on last night oh you know peaceful apparently just gotta start killing people I don't find funny National Suicide Prevention lifeline reviews birds it reviews since the dawn of time birds have mocked us they eat our seeds and then they go Jack as far as I am concerned birds have it coming how do they fly with the aid of Devils nonetheless I reach three stars for their athleticism and they're handsome miss two stars have been deducted for being worth more in the hand than in the bush wish to never stop collecting little things that make you happy rocks buttons feathers flowers sticks bugs bones never stop how did a crow get on tumblr today I'll learn asses playing the disposed of corpses and spaces to freeze them in the airlock and then violently shake the body with a robotic arm until it turns to space dust bad astronauts get put in the corpse wiggler what the actual [ __ ] hey you as a reminder once this channel hits five on your key subscribers not only do I get my own video but apparently Oz is also doing a face reveal ideas so be sure to give a firm snap to that subscribe button the wool animal reviews Turtles a review turtles are very nice 5 stars 5 stars turtles are very nice sonic snake sawing sin the harder he sins hey everyone at my wedding you'll be able to come alone bring a plus-one or choose a - one where you can uninvite one person of your choosing no questions asked Power Move uninvite the groom Netflix and chill with senator Cruz all donors are automatically entered in a drawing for a chance to win a trip they used in Texas to spend a special evening with senator Cruz guys did you know what that means lay down your cash for cheap stuff there grows you guys know it has to be done right Twitter pastes anted cruza this offer still stand and send I still don't understand the phrase luck of the Irish because the luck of the Irish is historically speaking [ __ ] terrible animal reviews Badgers a review Badgers are very sad creatures that I do not give a damn about they have never been there for me all they do is dig it eat worms one day they will dig themselves straight into hell and no one will be sorry about it I read badgers 1 star for their screaming ability which I can admire but first times I've been deducted out of one start for impressive yelling but 4 stars for being just awful this variant of the golden tail bastard is also is known as the banana heel due to its coloration and markings resembling a ripe banana sorry the the what the what more a let's call you the golden tail banana eel bite scientist okay [ __ ] no idea oh you're an artist I can tell and you work at a bank a total opposite of a creative environment does that just eat you up inside does that just kill you oh I'm pretty sure I met an IRL Disney villain at my job a few weeks ago are you tired of being nice don't you just want to go apeshit will the course be hard I do not know what will the tests be hard don't know but the paper will be soft it's been a week and we still don't have a syllabus and I'm not entirely convinced my science professor has any clue what's going on change does not come from a place of comfort yeah I find pennies and nickels in my couch at the time so I don't know what you're talking about animal reviews spiders a review don't let have spindly and leggy they are for you these little beasts will also bite the hell out of you just for fun spiders are famous for dangling dangling and scrambling and they do not sleep and they cannot be kept out and they cannot be killed I rate them four stars out of five for putting the fear of God in the perfect people one star has been deducted for over calm down I was exploring in the catacombs and found a ladder going up I climbed it and found his square door pushed it open and found myself inside a university lecture room at 3 in the morning and you chose decides your face and the worst you're so considerate Thanks I was raised in constant fear of upsetting people so you know finger guns isn't the idea supposed to be you saved my life now I owe you a debt no other way around you saved my life so now I'm your problem if you don't like it then kill me God want to be dead now you get a find out why animal reviews it's a review the first thing you need to know about it is they have a little thing that you don't it's called work ethic it's going to get things done while you sit on the couch and smoke weed you want the lying around being a space cadet playing jumpy jumpy shooty shooty Bing Bing wahoo a videogames going nowhere with your life ants on the other hand are going everywhere and they are getting into everything like the syrup bottle or the juice pitcher they are unstoppable and that's the second thing you need to know about ants the third thing you need to know about ants is that they are worth five stars for putting you to shame five stars get your life together the darkness the destroyer of worlds very small worlds for now but just you wait apparently at some point when my now girlfriend and I were flirting with each other but not quite in a relationship she asked me how I felt about pet names to which I replied well you have the gathers up it the fact that I have managed to end up in a relationship is really a testament to my girlfriend's patience I shall follow me okay she says whereas if you have gone I will follow that cat to the ends of the goddamn animal reviews jellyfish a review here will make my case for the criminality of jellyfish who in my humble opinion and in the eyes of God are all cowards jellyfish engage in horrendous behaviors including murder and racketeering being largely see-through of perverts eerily they drift corrupting the ocean their tentacles delicate streamers which sail behind them like prey ribbons are instruments of sin may these creatures all be arrested in a rain and may the courts find them guilty irate jellyfish two stars out of five for their craftiness three stars have been abducted for contemptible behavior very sneaky but come my brother decided to teach his two and a half year old that mommy and daddy have names and there is nothing funnier than seeing a cranky toddler turned to his mom and say leave me alone Meredith he only uses their names when he's mad it kills me every time he Oh a cute snail eating a strawberry you just take your time there little buddy anyone else first thing smell onions ugh oh my god is he leaving rule the night parasitic roundworms a review no bad best songs the decade ranked number one disturbed by Rihanna 2008 so I made this post at 3 a.m. and I really said best songs of the decade and then put a song from 2008 ha really bad analogy is written by high school students her eyes were like two Brown circles with big black dots in the center he was as tall as a 6-foot three tree her face was a perfect oval like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster from the Attic came in an earthly howl the whole scene had an eerie surreal quality like when you're on vacation in another city in jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30 John and Mary had never met they were like two humming birds who had also never met she had a deep throaty genuine laugh like like that sounded dog makes just before her throws up the ballerina rose gracefully and in point and extended one slender leg behind her like a dog at a fire hydrant he was as lame as a duck not the metaphorical lame duck either but a real duck that was actually lame maybe from stepping on a leg her vocabulary was as bad as like whatever mood she grew on him like she was at a colony of e.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef the revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock like a surcharge at a formally surcharge free ATM the lab just sat there like an inanimate object I think you mean wonderful analogies these are beautiful please number nine is just the greatest thing I've ever read yeah I laughed really hard at four yeah four is pretty right on animal reviews tables a review well they are not very bright tables our world is this post tables are world renowned for their loyalty and their strength though we should not be understand that they are extremely stupid and I do not mean that unkindly there is also profound gentleness to them here many will say but I stub my toe on a table it nearly broke my dang toe clean up which is what happens when you walk around making eye contact with people and breathing through your mouth like you're a god tables our devices have humility and despise the prideful I rate tables four out of four stars one for each legs leg legs your bed is probably as happy to see you as you are to see it here comes the warmth slab it thinks wrong it thinks god I hope this dip doesn't spilled beans all over me again what eats beans in better stop reblogging this new year new me I haven't spilled beans my bed wife this year well my parrot is a dumbass with no sense of self-preservation proof he got spooked by a pair by all account a green and tasty friend and flew into a wall to escape though in greeted with his sink full of soapy boiling water by all accounts a harmful bird killing abyss he launched himself into it at top speed and cried when I locked him in baby jail to stop him from killing himself please tell your parrot I still love him he just threw his seeds all over the carpet and laughed about it so I will not you know we should domesticate seals you wring someone's doorbell instead of hearing a dog's bark you hear is super deep and terrifying seal bark and you hear a loud wet flopping noise that's the world I want to live in elephants a review hell yeah big boys please subscribe to us media if you do the 500k goal will be one person closer also go check out the collaboration channel sad milk link in description [Music]

Channel: Oz Media

Views: 1,608,070

Rating: 4.9621458 out of 5

Keywords: animal review, animal reviews tumblr, comedy, funny, oz media, oz media animal reviews, ozmedia, r/tumblr, reddit, satire, tumblr, tumblr in action, tumblr posts

Id: V14j3tyZ5yw

Length: 17min 49sec (1069 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 28 2020