r/Tinder | no short kings 😔

the trick is to tell her that you look like christian bale but not tell her which performance nah we're always dick cheney [Music] what's going on ladies and gentlemen welcome back to mk i'm your host robin and today i'm gonna be taking another look at r slash tinder oh god i wonder what we're gonna find this time probably nothing good let's get right in there shall we oh boy we got a poem on our hands folks i've matched with a teacher named alice with good looks that belong in a palace i'm glad she right-swiped if i play my cards right perhaps someday she will touch my phallus i don't think so my self-summary hi i'm a fun person with topics to always talk about understanding and respectful hello i'm april ludgate i like people places and things sure why not just make sure it's a good one i'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life and i was wondering if i could interview you i know that one's probably bad i've got one that's disney related too tell me the disney one are you lightning because i want to make you mcqueen i'll see myself out oh no that was actually super cute i like that one how was your day yes and my day was pretty good how about you let me guess she never responded to that huh my mom said you're allowed to come over is that so yeah she said she's really pretty you should make a baby with her yeah gross i guarantee my grilled cheese is meaner than yours my grilled cheese would take your grilled cheese into an alley and beat it with a lead pipe jesus gaby they're just grilled cheese studying an i.t related course you pure chemistry that's awesome i've tried telling a chemistry joke once but i got no reaction what's the joke maybe i might understand it oh maybe truth or dare the last time i played truth or dare my friends dared me to go into the closet with the vacuum cleaner turns out they just thought i was scared of the dark and they didn't want me to do seven minutes in heaven with a household cleaning object so uh truth what was your favorite part of your seven minutes in heaven with the vacuum what happens in the closet stays in the closet wait that came out wrong yeah you probably did too felt cute might get hit by an asteroid later i don't know hey t-rex is right around my age i think i got a shot here is disha girlfriend she immediately unmatched right like just immediately never even said anything back some people are so unappreciative these days i can't think of anything original well i've never gotten that as an opening line then it was original indeed it was what's good well i think spaghetti's really good my dog got hit by a car this conversation is very strange to say the least jessica 27 just looking for a step-brother to help me out of the dryer why are you stuck in the dryer why are people getting stuck in dryers how do you even do that knock knock who's there when where that's cute i like that a lot i'm free this sunday wow you didn't even let me finish hopefully that's not a theme that's too recurrent she's not real giblet 28 i'm a young promiscuous female goose ready for a good time i like nice walks on the sand swimming in ponds and causing human children to cry don't we all i need the type of sex to forget my grandma's dying maybe you don't need that maybe you should go to your grandma in her time of need and no i don't wear a mask anywhere i live in a very liberal area of knox and we are oh well that's a bummer how is that a bummer that you don't wear a mask because you could be asymptomatic and infecting others i'm in a mask 10 to 12 hours a day no i was a stem major in college and the whole corona thing is garbage propaganda oh boy yeah well uh people i loved have died because of it so this is the part of the conversation where i say goodbye also for african americans especially they were forced to wear masks as part of slavery i refuse to wear them and how did they die from coronavirus did they have any pre-existing conditions holy crap no saving this one there is no saving this one you're kind of like beautiful yo that's deep you're like beautiful er i just shed like two-tier yo that's mad sad i don't [ __ ] that sad wait wait chill happy tears dude happy tears man i want to know what this dude looks like out here getting called beautiful by a woman on tinder jesus yasmin 23. fun fact about me i have 70 hobbies 69 and shopping [Laughter] don't even bother she'll never respond i feel you but how about multiple nightstands i mean that's definitely better than one lol i mean i feel like you found the loophole well that's perfect because loopholes are my second favorite kind of holes oh yeah yeah the first one being the movie whole starring shia labeouf obviously finally a man of culture dustin 21 jesus that freaking truck well i'm a fat the big truck if we can't get a big greasy burger then we won't work i'm 21 years old but don't let that fool you i have no social life like i'm 40. if my truck doesn't impress you my personality probably won't either welcome to the show i mean the truck kind of does impress me but damn how much you spend on gas fool truth or dare truth what's a secret you've never told anyone i am severely mentally ill you should really consider telling someone about that oh it's one of those choose what the hell you want me to respond with games let's see choice number one which is bad pickup line how can people say global warming doesn't exist when you're melting my heart six out of ten sweet but i've heard something similar i don't feel special enough you're melting my interest technically speaking for interest to start building up there needs to be some sort of loan or payment so how about a date so i can gain some of your interest only if we have sex after wow that worked way too easily way too well especially after a six out of ten opener add me on snap hun get yourself a carrot i need dick you need jesus oh look another choose your preferred opener those are fun can i request all of the above oh goody there once was a guy named kyle and damn did he have a good smile i'm glad he swiped right i was hoping he might till the first date i hope it won't be a while for all three he daringly asked and no doubt i was put to the task so here's a dad joke for you before a race what food should you chew nothing because sprinters they fast oh boy alright last one so kyle that leaves us one rhyme for the dirty pickup i suppose it is time so roses are red and violets are fine you be the six i'll be the nine [Applause] bravo absolutely beautiful hey your profile's genius thanks for the compliment i noticed you're kind of far if we ever meet up i just hope you don't drive a convertible i don't do you no it's just that the kennedys have historically bad times and open cars first time hearing that one keaton ketten whatever from north korea and need a green card yeah okay cammy looking for the romeo to my juliet so i can kill myself i don't think you need a romeo to do that how tiny five foot two wow i'm only five foot four still taller than me i'm kidding i'm six foot five but you're a queen oh jesus christ thank you i'm gonna be looking up to you when i talk all the short kings need you that's true hi nice to meet you oh god damn it another one of these six and you get on your knees i should get on my knees to find my glasses so i can properly look for a man who treats women right yeah i love dudes that immediately jump to penis you want my penis like no bro i just said hi [ __ ] chill my crappy love life another dating app yeah they're kind of a giant waste of one's time and they're really not good for one's mental health either do you ever swipe right on someone and hope that it'll be a match that was me when i saw your profile that's a terrible opener but i just wanted to be honest with you since we're going to get married now do you say that to every girl in hopes no i don't i promise believe it or not my openers get a lot worse than that my opener's usually hello there general kenobi we can get married yes install tinder no it has the best looking girls you'll match with girls every day okay fine you'll only match with bots you i don't think anybody even first time users ever expect tinder to be anything but a terrible experience so i don't know about this one this girl on tinder asked me why i have an unlit cigarette in my picture i told her that i'm looking for matches haha long lost minecraft girlfriend yes but are you my long lost minecraft boyfriend that depends does xx super schlong slayer 69xx ring a bell oh my god yes i was noob masterdong69 oh my god how have you been it's been what three years now what do you like to be called can i call you mk haha hi yes you can call me mk that's my nickname from my experience on tinder i've learned that women are like wands in harry potter it's really the wand that chooses the wizard of course i guess i happen to be a muggle wow this is so [ __ ] stupid that's a pretty big drink is your dick bigger though definitely not as wide but the length still no hey you cute nice necklace thanks it has my dead boyfriend's ashes in it and what the [ __ ] are you doing here if you're just gonna start conversations like that it has literally never been easier to have sex than at any time in history if men were truly upset at being virgins they'd hire a sex worker or swipe right on tinder until their thumb spell off oh boy i pay for tinder and bumble wow you pay huh i swipe right on 85 percent of the girls i see i'm lucky to get a match a week across both platforms of these matches i've had one successful friendship apart from that zero have gotten to a single date i've been swiping for seven years they're terrible they're terrible are you a singularity cause not only are you the most attractive thing in the universe but when i get closer to you time seems to slip by so much faster now that might be the best one i've ever had you should be impressed really roses are red violets are blue pickup lines are overrated can i take you out on a date if you prove you're not a psychopath then absolutely well my psychiatrist said i wasn't and hey you should take that to heart the psychiatrists are the doctors after all hey yo i respect you for messaging first i respect you for respecting me oh yeah will i respect you for respecting me respecting you that's a lot of respecting you're doing i respect that i guess they're finding out what it means to them how tall are you not that it matters you just look short is that a rude thing to say and they say romance is dead i mean it's kind of rude linda if it doesn't matter why was it your opener riley i love long walks in the sewer so do i i think will work out just fine bud not to flex but my sheets are 800 thread count impressive what's the head count maybe i can add to it not bad also 800 thread count sometimes things that are more expensive are worse please don't swipe if you're not above six foot no exceptions 411 is okay short kings are appreciated what send a quality meme receive a quality nude ah i see you're a woman of culture as well i'm guessing she's got really high meme standards though like we all do or all should you got a whole ass snake and you swipe right on me you're just trying to make me insecure huh uh how so i'm also long as hell my snake ain't even half that size how old is your snake 21 years old hello we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty oh not again to stop receiving these messages please enter your snapchat down below boom gotcha crap you set me up i should have used a vpn damn right i did you've learned a valuable lesson and that's why i'm happy to say that this conversation is sponsored by my friends at expressvpn i hate you sorry i can't hear you i'm busy watching canadian netflix can't do that anymore look at this that's how much rage i feel oh you said rage i thought i read raid like our other sponsor rage shadow legends excuse me how are you not taken excuse me because you're still not at my place all right wasn't expecting that you got to start expecting the unexpected friends me when a 30 year old likes my profile ew me remembering i'm 32 not 21. oh trash panda just looking for someone to go dumpster diving with i'll go with i got nothing going on today jerry eating trash at trash company tree he studied at treat well excuse me a sassy lawyer at that now the best people are indeed okay tell me one cool fact about yourself i've never seen a single star wars movie and probably never will how do you unmatch how else do you meet people at the moment and you're welcome wait for them to magically appear although that's not been working out too well love the optimism though guess it still counts if you draw a person on your hand right well how realistic are your drawings they certainly don't look like you that would have been odd if you've drawn me having never seen me i know you from somewhere have you come across my face before oh okay haven taco bell enthusiast classy sassy non-existent ass cheeks into non-fiction but i also like gatsby hamilton and star wars make up my personality swinging these rhymes like anakin on younglings i'm very blunt except my sincere smooth apology rocking my spot on the tiny boob committee beat me in smash you couldn't get near me my mane is ness so you know i win fairly and my skyrim character is better clearly all of tamriel and its dragons fear me thank you for listening but i ran out of characters oh you thought i was gonna actually rap that come on i only need to know two things do you like being choked how do you like your eggs in the morning uh yes i'm vegan but i'll take that bone in the morning okay hey there how's your weekend going so far hey thanks for the like actually i just signed up do you pick up a lot of girls with this kind of opening it's literally how i met my wife anyway how's your weekend going so far if you were to wake up as a guy what would be the first thing you'd do get a cool ass haircut i guess what would you do if you woke up as a woman um i'd probably have sex with one of my homies so he finally gets laid wait is that gay no it's just a homie supporting a homie what's the problem and you know what you could just get him laid right now you don't have to turn into a girl to do that just saying are you available for recreational use yes yes i am oh wow that is one hell of a name pikachu pika chew i choose you pika wanna choke on a small dick on a chubby dude that was a huge turn want to come over and destroy each other emotionally it's for my art not particularly oh that's unfortunate i know i'm just not looking for something serious like that you feel how serious is emotional destruction though it's like a three out of ten i mean honestly it's at least a five okay what would a two out of ten be you meh [ __ ] you eve and on that super not at all infuriating note we've come to the end of another video folks but before we get going let's take a look at today's fan art i want to make it as close as possible to their irl self well hey you actually got it very close i'm not a bird this time although i do still have one on my head yeah never mind it's still great always remember if you even somewhat enjoyed today's video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed it well then make sure to get yourself subscribed and click that bell icon and if you're feeling super generous make sure to check out my links in the description down below and until next time i'll catch you later [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 256,077

Rating: 4.9779816 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Tinder

Id: se4DZ7wOaXE

Length: 15min 47sec (947 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 22 2021