r/Tinder | help

now what's a gorgeous looking girl like you swiping on a guy like me oh you know just doing some charity work i'm just kidding yikes fatality what's up sexy i'm lexie and welcome back to mk today we explore tinder which is of course full of successful relationships and people finding love probably not really no no no let's get started rachel 18. i'll watch you play god and tell you the other guy was definitely using aimbot when you die i am all for honesty in a relationship but you know what if you can cushion that blow a little bit it might go a really long way good job i believe in you i expect your best pick of mine by noon tomorrow as of now i'm ahead to bed are your allergies acting up why is it in all caps no why because i think you need some more vitamin me uh ashley i i don't know if you know this but people don't take vitamins for allergies well here i am what are your other two wishes that's weird i don't remember ordering an average white male from tinder oh i'd call your credit card company because i think that's an unauthorized purchase curse ahead 20. student at the imperial college of london lives in london four kilometers away i'm really into beekeeping oh cute i see a b i keep it doesn't matter whose b it is they should have done a better job keeping it yeah i should have known something was up with the horse mask sorry i'm late i'm your christmas present about time you showed up christmas is over in 20 minutes sorry been a nightmare getting here kovit's slowing down all the packages including mine good job you managed to deliver your package to me just in time then this christmas is suddenly looking better you don't have to worry about my package coming early hope it's not too big to fit in my letterbox oh there's absolutely no worry of that oh man you were going so well alex is a boy's name billy is a goat's name we matched but are you ready for a six foot six tall man that's too blunt and honest lol cause nobody else is wall are you ready for a five foot two woman that doesn't need a man so she'll be blunt right back this could be the start of something beautiful or an epic fight which do you prefer intelligence kindness or beauty ah mostly a boob guy honestly her the office adventures smoke me out me thinking of something to impress her i'm also boring as frank am i the only one that never got the office i just i don't go ahead comment section dispense your hate get it all out now becky 21 17 miles away this is her brother here honestly i beg someone matches with her so she hangs around with me less oh would put that typical hurt my sister and i will hurt you in ways you can't imagine but seriously i don't care she just hangs around with me too much now poor guy needs some space welcome to build a boy where you can build your very own boy you want cuddles done cute dates done want someone to cook for you done the model you see here is built on depression and anxiety no upgrade needed wanna be tied up none want to call him daddy and negotiable wanna be disappointed at any time done don't believe build a boy is for you listen to this raving review meh his mother wow what you're very pretty do you have a cdl by any chance what's a cdl a commercial driver's license for that absolute dump truck of an ass haven't heard that one before well if you want to park it at my place you can do so whenever you want that was smooth and none of you can say otherwise i'm only half irish so uh quick pick a half uh what's your other half it's okay even if you weren't irish i'd still kiss you oh my god no kiss me i'm irish pun intended i would just kiss you my other half well up until yesterday i wasn't sure i had met her but after seeing your favorite artists it's making me wonder wow that was so smooth oh you are such a charmer your other half nationality that was smooth that was beautifully smooth you wear a lot of hats you have lots of tats do you have any cats no because they could be brats you know i think i've heard that i'm loving this chat give yourself a pat this is wholesome i like it i hope this keeps going round two let's go will she remember that we matched once before we shall see [Music] no normally i'd call them puppers or their name but yeah dogs are cool have you ever had a root no mate but i've read a lot about it in books so i'm imagine i'm pretty good send me a photo of your [ __ ] cock-a-doodle-doo bringing you coffee this is barry it took me forever to teach him how to make breakfast weird that you knew i had a rooster though one day he'll learn how to use a fire extinguisher are you fracked off no this is genius no keep it going my friends and cute girls love duck pics so i figured i'd send you that he also said something about autocorrect but i wasn't paying attention my friend said cute guys like booby pics he didn't mention anything about autocorrect so i think i've got this in the bag with that one definitely you all belong together dad jokes or pickup lines dad jokes all the way i just recently finished building a model of mount everest and a friend asked is it to scale no i said it's to look at you're pretty skilled are you sure you aren't somebody's father well not yet but i can be your daddy here catch got it now you throw it back and i'll go deep what well i missed that the first time around girls on tinder i'm tall so i need a taller guy me who likes girls taller than me guess i'll die alone can you spot me on my squats i'm trying to grow my glutes and you obviously know what you're doing i got you but only if you return the favor deal but can we get a healthy meal afterwards and do fun cardio at least four times a week i'm down as long as we're not running absolutely no running but our heart rates will definitely be elevated and we're gonna sweat the most intense two minutes of your life if you know what i mean oh is this a dirty joke yes it is oh my god you super likes death oh do it oh god no way you were my top lick i did not just say top lick okay all right let's try that again no way you were my top pick and super liked i feel so much pressure to come up with an epic pickup line but instead i'm just going to shun you an unsolicited d-pick enjoy this is the first time i've genuinely enjoyed an unsolicited d-pick thank you for sharing it's rude not to send another d-pick back right i don't know the formality of this wank or maybe you prefer [ __ ] y'all are cute keep talking i'm invested now my favorite part of the body is the eyelid is that how you think my name is pronounced island to be fair i have no idea how to pronounce that idea tinder but for fighting you swipe right on dudes whose asses you want to kick and if you both swipe each other you gotta fight that's the most testosterone loaded idea i've read all night and this is r slash tinder hey can you fix my brain buddy i can't even fix my own brain mood hey there how's it going snapchat me no i don't think i will something scratched out did i st to i have no idea what's going on here ava but we're not switching to snapchat lexi 18. arizona state university woman five miles away if you got your height in your bio you're probably ugly five foot three oh no oh lexi i'm sure you are not ugly i can be the only ugly lexi it's the rules hey there hey if you woke up tomorrow morning as a guy what's the first thing you're doing do you want my honest answer or do you want like a we just met and i should be appropriate answer the oddest one poor favor helicopter dick immediately welcome to the nathan douglas tinder experience please hold while i think of a first message thank you for your patience unfortunately the flirting department is down at the moment and i am unable to produce a compelling icebreaker please try again later if you're 4 foot 11 and i'm 5 foot 11 if i give you 6 inches we'll be even well that went well when i realized i have to tell my life story all over again to be in another relationship alright let's do this one last time for an id guy linkedin is like a reverse dating site girls write to you and you ignore them when you get zero matches on tinder but then you post your bio on r slash tinder and people actually like it they love me yeah i've spent way too long trying to come up with a pun from your name thank you for not saying one i actually immediately unmatch anyone that says one to me merry christmas fair enough maracas oh my god margot 21 getting lost in the supermarket as a child was scoring my mama would call out my name and everyone would call out polo drowning out my fleas for help hurry hurry i can tell you're impressed by my flirting skills who wouldn't be did i say flirting skills i meant married and call i am very uncomfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today what are some things you're good at cooking hey yo how's it going and i'm good at math uh-huh you are starting 2021 a little too strong priscilla am i leonardo da vinci cause i'm gonna make you moan alicia hey there hello no face would you like to see my face yeah lol send me a little something to my cash app add this and i'll send you some pictures what the hell money doesn't see your face frack nowhall you're not master freaking chief oh my god hey hi hmm not used to someone else texting first let me hear your pickup line oh god i am bad at pickup lines but are you from nether because you are hot i mean that wasn't bad it was fine damn i'm about to cancel my spotify premium account they didn't even name you the hottest single this month that's awful i'm sorry alrighty attempt number two you trying to hook oh okay all right um i'll just leave you two to it you're pretty i give up one of my testicles to cuddle with you that's a pretty serious commitment to cuddling just for you i bet you offer it to all your tinder girls and then on the day of our wedding instead of exchanging rings you hand me a small box on a velvet pillow lies your testicle i didn't tell that to anyone just you and sure you can have my testicle i'd rather have your heart ah in a jar oh okay then i've got a job hey girl if you were a vegetable you would be a cucumber well cucumbers are actually botanically fruits because of the seeds but you have a peach of my heart for the effort vegetable is a culinary category not a botanical category many foods are both fruits and vegetables you know what you're right don't worry you're still the apple of my eye i find all of this very appealing that was bad maybe i'll leave the pickup lines to you that was on the same level of quality of anything i came up with with our pickup lines we'd make a great pair good lord that was a lot of puns be honest did you swipe for me or the dog little bit of both to be honest damn he said you're not his type though too hairless he said oh well damn yes he can't be harsh you should go out with me to make him jealous sounds like a plan oh that was cute i finally matched with a beautiful girl on tinder our chat is amazing she has an only fans page i can live with that she really likes me i finally scored her venmo account number and sent some money to pay her water bill i haven't heard from her in a few days i wonder when we're going to start dating i can't wait ah oh no imagine this we are both strangers in a grocery store but we make eye contact in the produce section my hands are full of limes as i am unable to hold all of them limes are falling all over the ground rolling left right and just all over you rush over in an effort to help and i look deeply into your eyes and say sorry i'm bad at pick up limes can i post this on reddit please wow sure welcome to reddit well done zack a little bit about me climber skier mountain dot dot you sound awesome in every way but the beard a man who gives off his beard for [ __ ] deserves neither the beard nor the [ __ ] okay then well wasn't aware of this beard cone ah you get me i think we're soul mates actually only one way to find out yukio duel i was gonna say meat for a cup of coffee but i mean i can learn yu-gi-oh to duel it out wow you're a real one i'm invested in these like i actually want these to work out guys looks aren't important it's all about the attitude i'm sorry i'm physically repulsed by your face i don't know how to shotgun it's now my mission to teach you step one get a shower i don't own one of those how do i acquire one well i've got one at my place we can use some time wait what the frac you don't have a shower no i bathed in the pond out back i uh are you a frog or something because ribbity ribbit i'm down hit it are you santa because i want to sit on your lap and tell you what i want you want to sit on my lap like outside my pants and then just ask me for schnitt i'm sorry sir do you have a better idea pants off and i don't buy you anything okay meeting girls at work and having sex meeting girls at weddings and having sex waiting girls at bars and having sex matching with girls and tinder and getting ghosted do you prefer a bad joke or a schnitty pickup line a statement that makes me question my sexuality i change my bet sheets once every six months that'll work thank you hey how's it going today i had a great time meeting you last night and for some reason i couldn't tell why who you reminded me of and tried to figure it out last night then after i got home my sister sent me a message and it was at that exact moment i realized you were a spitting image of my sister how she handles herself mannerisms among many other things so realizing this unfortunately i feel that wouldn't work in a dating scenario if i kept imagining my sister ha you're really sweet and pleasant to be around but the connection to my sister is just super odd my apologies well we know that post wasn't from alabama i bet he's thinking about his other tinder matches i can't believe i was able to sleep with my only tinder match so what's your cute self looking for long-term relationship word well okay so what's up not too much how are you gonna find a long-term relationship if you ain't got long-term sentences okay hey do you like stuff i like stuff stuff is great i do like stuff it's super great we've got so much in common i'll book a church this was so much easier than everyone says i'll start looking at a dress i know right want to throw used car batteries into the ocean with me it feels like a terrible idea what's the objective to get you to message me back it is however my second favorite ecosystem to destroy objective accomplished what is your first favorite oh wait a minute [Laughter] 510 guy hey five one girl no i want six foot two loading up tinder again to find the one titanic huh yeah that's a bad icebreaker i actually didn't see that one coming neither did they wow jane 19 recently active molly 19 suspiciously like jane recently active no i just suck at making wise decisions ah not to be straightforward but i can be your next unwise decision caroline is my nana's name caroline was my grandmother's name as well brother i hope not that'd make it pretty awkward when i ask you out stepbrother oh no i'm stuck in this washing machine stepsis what are you doing stepsis stepbrother is this really how you fix a car well okay on zips match with girl on tinder hit her with my weak ass game why are all the people on this app so stuck up 96 model low mileage no major accidents self-sufficient spotless interior super performance and handling dual front airbags spacious rear cargo looks good sounds better that is amazing wanna know the chances of us hooking up zero percent ever check the weather and it says zero percent chance of rain but it still rains anyway my point is theresa i'm no meteorologist but i think there is a chance of rain improvise adapt overcome with that endless hope of a post that brings us to the end of our slash tinder i'm actually quite pleased with how much wholesomeness was in it but wait you know we got some lovely fan art to show off today's fan art is brought to you by ratsmaker132 just wanted to make a little hero for my favorite channel oh thank you so much that was some lovely fanart ratsmaker132 and if you enjoyed any of the puns in this episode go ahead and hit the like button if you want to see more failed pickup lines in your subscriptions feed hit that red subscribe button as always my name is the lexi kitty but you can call me lexie have an absolutely victorious day tomorrow stay safe stay awesome make more stuff and i will see you guys in the next video

Channel: EmKay

Views: 534,273

Rating: 4.9559054 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Tinder, r/tinder

Id: AQ1mRjQe1sw

Length: 17min 24sec (1044 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 11 2021