r/Tinder | ILLUSION 100

you drop something huh hopefully your standards what's up I'm Chad what's up guys and welcome back to NK my name is Damien today we're looking through our slash tinder and buckle up because we always know that tinder provides the sauce provides the goods and it's coming directly to your neighborhood a man 18 hates tears hate stand-up comedy well I could see why I'm glad so dummy why is the air conditioning in hospitals why to keep the vegetables cool and fresh yep already like yeah me too hey and uh and a-one and a-two and a-one two three four comedy name puns are a make or break on tinder they had to be really clever else you're just you ain't getting nothing son hey how are you I'm good thanks what about you not too bad so what are you doing life collage what about you do you mean college or do you stick pieces of paper together for a living cuz if it's the latter she'll love that tinder profile red flags make every picture a headshot to hide your weight use the dog face filter to hide your nose include a more attractive friend in every picture bait-and-switch picture from far away so he can't make out details picture of some trees or sand or other crap that isn't you forget the picture entirely this dude straight up stuck two tennis balls in his shirt and use the snapchat filter I'm dying here lmao listen that's just uh that's just a lovely lady with some green old biddies kind of quirky but I'll play are you a bank loan because you've got my interest now I'm student loans cuz I'll screw you for the next fifteen years and that's oddly romantic he's in it for the long run so I lost an 8th grade presidential election five years ago and my friend just found the guy who beat me on tinder University of Delaware 22 computer science linguistics still part of the time I became class president just to beat someone I found mildly annoying get rekt Meghan destruction 100 hey hey do you know what bees make honey yes dear hey do you know a bees make some stupid annoying sound what the Frick that you want honestly depending on my mood either of those are me maybe both at the same time if I like to switch it up but screw the burrito marry the grilled cheese kill the bacon a negative oh I don't like how that sounds I don't like like the word agar don't include that that's that that's that's that some risque stuff nice I have the same answer so the real question is are you gonna be my burrito or my grilled cheese I'll be your burrito and we could see how that goes that was smooth as Frick really on a scale of zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero two nein nein nein nein nein nein nein nein nein nein how smooth and then she gives her number followed by smooth hey blank this is an automated message to remind you of your Netflix and chill appointment this week to confirm your appointment text yes Daddy to cancel text wrong hole thank you thank you for your inquiry this spot has not yet been programmed to process such advanced texts to receive memes text meme to be transferred to a live operator text I'm lonely we hope we have been of assistance I'm lonely not being six-foot is normally a deal-breaker but for you I'll make an exception not being a hundred and twenty five pounds is normally a deal-breaker but for you I'll make an exception pineapple on pizza what I am Emperor of England this will be punishable by death I see all I may show mercy on beautiful women well that's a relief you will not be spared wench Vivian is 24 just before I die I'm gonna swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting me looking at screenshots of girls talking to guys on our / tinder looks like fun wish I could have some redownload again I like your new pic I posted our original conversation on reddit it got 28,000 up votes you're lying you're basically famous screenshots or didn't happen crap girl let me get your number and I'll send it over and that's a smooth that's a sly move you sly dog after you eat her buttons you say she don't suck wiener all I did for you you won't give me this one thing would you match with Emma Emma Jill I need your help kidnapping Elon Musk she's here for a month with two friends I wonder what could possibly happen next he matched with another friend Liza I also need your help kidnapping Elon Musk we have more chances of success if there's three of us is Emma the third person obviously I'm still trying to find your other friend is super like her to our four-person team will be unstoppable good luck Thanks he got the third friend oh my god are you the third friend Francesca says yes do we finally have our you'll on must kidnap squad together Francesca says haha yes oMG how long did it take you to find me too long Francesca too damn long I have a knock-knock joke but you have to start it knock knock who's there my erection we both pointed each other Chelsea 19 every single time a man sleeps with a lot of women he's called a stud but if a woman sleeps with all two men she's called a [ __ ] and people think this is unfair no it's completely fair and I'll tell you why all right because it's freakin easy to be a [ __ ] it's frickin hard to be a stud to be a stud you have to be witty charming be dressed have nice shoes and a fake job to be a [ __ ] you just had to be there there are fat ugly tramps out there there are not fat ugly studs listen Chelsea I'm here to change the game I will be the first one the world's first fat ugly stud they're making a Disney movie about it that is a snapchat filter if I've ever seen one nice try my man you're the first and 115 matches to notice no freakin way really that's jokes what's the best message you've gotten one guy asked me what my favorite part of a man's body is I said I do like my Weiner still didn't figure it out your jokes alright bro good luck with this well this girl's a flight attendant and she has to say to hijack my heart well that's cute I like hair you bringing your profession into this a flowchart I love these alright online dating and then you swipe no matches you got a couple options let's take option one I'm gonna pay for a boost no matches alright so we're gonna pay to see links they live 5,000 miles away and just like with no matches I can cry focus on myself become lonely two weeks later and well the cycle starts yet again fun factor bad pick-up line fun fact about me is I have a private snapchat if you're interested sure it's $25 a month for multiple naked pics and vids every day I also do special requests for negotiable prices alright that's cool and all but did you know that ostriches had to swallow small rocks and pebbles to crush up their food because they don't have teeth requirements beating heart a kiss will make my whole day funny will make my whole week nice one cool thanks hey I like your glasses they're not for sale we'll stop you right there Natalie and on the seventh day God said Natalie huge boobs hey want to skip the small talk grab some coffee and see if we hate each other sounds better than the alternative lmao cool are you free tomorrow indeed I am perfect time in place how's the Starbucks in the blank and the target shopping center at 3:00 p.m. we're sounds good with me and if I show up you can just murder me that's also fine all right I'll give you a heads-up from going to you though please don't I'd really rather be a surprise your photos are surprisingly high-quality for tinder are you real hey Liam I want to smash strangers who are also very skilled and intimate in bed if you are over the same interest like mine if you are the same interest like mine well spare time meeting me at wwm totally kidding I'm not a bi I hope you read this far calm and try for really compatible to have an intimate and unforgettable experience in bed oh I'm very glad I actually read it the slightly off Grammer is the icing on the cake blank this is blanks mom blank I have her phone she is 16 and not allowed to date someone 20 she'll be in touch to explain oh holy crap I'm sorry did not know this did she tell you she was older yes that was the impression she just graduated 10th grade did you meet a blank or tender tinder her profile said she was 18 so I never assumed otherwise I'm sorry that is a hikers foa's as a general rule with how scary tinder can be id girls who look young just IDM it might feel intrusive but stay safe fellas stay safe IDM IM a real human man i work person job at company inc real human man likes doing human things like consuming flesh of animals breathing oxygen and walking on leg I'd match let's debate on where our first day it's gonna be my vote goes for Papa John's damn I pegged you for better than that I haven't had pizza in months I'm feeling homesick Domino's counteroffer ok step up we're getting there Italian for dinner you for dessert there it is Jesus I need you in my life are you sure that's all you need me in hell lmao what else you're trying to get in let me put it this way we'll both have a second coming Jesus Christ did he get in there Chris is 18 if you like jobs so I play golf volleyball and badminton if you don't like John's I play golf volleyball and badminton and he's an all-around good guy here's a free super like we have Alexa lua Hannah and Kat I'm gonna be honest with you I'd go with Kat just a girl looking for someone to drive me around while I stick my head of the window and demolish mailboxes with my freaking head that's a keeper cuz she might be a little slow but she is loyal and that is all we ask for in this world is I is 25 and she's looking for someone who will screw me over preferably someone who isn't looking for a relationship must be six foot two and must be a massive see if you want a [ __ ] buyer if you want a queen earner if you want a dumb bro will you fricking ha gotta love the yeehaw agenda leaking its way into tender all the time can someone give me the directions to this sunflower field with all the single ladies in it a lot of single women in this sunflower field my BIOS is accounting major but I swear I'm fun are you fun no well I'm up past my bedtime so you could say I'm a bad boy also I'm heavily addicted to cocaine so no I'm just kidding I have a bedtime oh wow you're cute for a crackhead tell me your secret promise not to tell anybody long naps and avocado face masks that's our secret though I can't have all the other crackheads looking normal lose my advantage well this is awkward oh no oh no you gotta unmatch one of them and quick choose which one you like the least want to have a napping competition heck yeah I'm so down what will be based on length quality speed of falling asleep sorry just woke up from my nap must have been a good nap I'd offer to take you out but I don't know if I'd be able to pay you'd have to bring you money oh well why wouldn't you be able to pay I'm hoping that you was a joke on a scale from one to ten what's your IQ I'm not dumb but I'm not a genius either so maybe a seven or eight law oh you money no no no no no no you fell right for his trap card your profile is basically me but with a place sounds like I have what you're missing Touche what kind of pickup why do you prefer give me your best one za1 JT v 3h k b7 v x9 g TQ l75 and that was one take that was one take I'm a god come on that's the Wi-Fi passwords that you have it when you come over if the dog is there count me in bringing the pup T and it's a date hey I'm really glad we matched but if I don't respond very quickly right now it's because I'm busy trying to get a hold of customer service with Apple something is wrong because I was just an iTunes they don't have you listed as the hottest single I refuse to work with Apple and they're righteous better than you attitude I try to negotiate sharing rights but unfortunately they couldn't comply I wanted unlimited no commercial on a man streaming of you to my bedroom 24/7 and they couldn't do it damn that's a good line but that's gonna bring us to the end of our slash tinder and if you liked the video leave a like down below comment I don't know comment how many how many super likes you accidentally sweat but no I'm not I don't mean that oh it was on accident I mean like you're swiping through tinder if you're of age if you're not of age you think and there please delete it and your swipe in and you just swipe up on accident trying to read a pioneer like cuckoo sorry how many times is that happening and as always I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 2,179,873

Rating: 4.9322767 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/tinder, r/tinder top posts, r/tinder best posts, tinder reddit, tinder funny, reddit funny, r/tinder top posts of all time, r/tinder emkay, emkay

Id: ZDP-A2mecpU

Length: 11min 52sec (712 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 13 2019