r/Tinder | I'M NOT A CATFISH

I'm one of ten children all identical Dawei oh man dude it's the hive mind what's up guys and welcome back to my best reddit readings north of the Equator and strap in cuz we're going back through our slash tinder astrology is BS sorry sorry that you can't enjoy life or have fun it's not my fault I'm a Taurus that's a weird way to spell Emily I've never made it through a Star Wars movie well that sounds like a big problem apparently it's a big thing that's probably not the only big thing you're missing out on Oh God you probably haven't seen the Lord of the Rings or even the matrix those are big Indiana Jones back to the future I know a lot of big things nice bio what kind of stuff dates would you be willing to drive out my way not for the first date halfway if a dude doesn't want to come to me for the first date he'll never come for a relationship if a woman doesn't meet me halfway for the first date she'll never meet me halfway in a relationship I could honestly eat garlic bread for every meal then you'd get fat no why would I get fat bread makes you fat bread make you fat yeah yeah it does time to butcher a name everybody clap along with me pal of a 20 years old if you are interested after we message for a bit do not ask for my number where my enemies will be alerted instead if head to your nearest bus stop there'll be a man reading a newspaper and wearing a grey hat ask him for a glass of milk if he responds with yes it is a cloudy day he is my associate and will pass an envelope containing the date and time of our meeting if he is not there or does not respond with that run for the mistery alone I'd super like you I haven't ever had a tinder account but from what reddit has Tommy it's just a messaging service where people make crappy puns at each other no one had SS you're absolutely right Bernie according to my calculations you look cute as hell come on that was good it was good when you sent the same one to my bestfriend lmao I'm out of here door shuts and he's still like introducing the world's worst catfish dear God Austin why are you doing this Austin what are the chances of us hooking up 0% ever check the weather and it says zero chance of rain but it still rains my point is Teresa I'm no meteorologist but I think Teresa chance of rain so you messed up with the name pun that's where it all goes downhill what lengths would you go to to get something you want throwing my daughter off a cliff so I can get a weird shiny stone that would let me snap my fingers and kill half the universe is roughly how far I'd go hey you want to screw or get a coffee I want to know what would have been your answer if I asked you that question why don't we have both it's not bad it's not bad at all ask me my favorite song what's your favorite song come on Eileen effing Christ I can't if that's a good or bad reaction lol oh sorry he said rection I can't that's a good a bad erection lol by the way I don't know how to spell dude that was brilliant 10 into 10 at least she liked it what made you want to become a cop honestly no clue but I've always had a passion for it what do you do oh yeah look I'm a drug dealer always had a passion for it nice do you know the film good luck Chuck I have the same curse as the guy in that movie every woman that sleeps with me will find the love of her life with the next guy she dates this is your chance as a bonus I will even introduce you to my twin brother he looks exactly the same as me but is never in the same room as me imagine this you go to the grocery store one day as you normally need to get groceries you grab your basket as normal and you head down the aisle as you and you head down the aisle at your leisure you suddenly see me standing in the aisle holding a lot of limes you think why is this cute guy holding so many limes I look at you startled because I think why is this cute girl looking at me I instantly make him move towards you slip drop all my limes as they hit the floor I look up in horror and say sorry I'm bad at pickup limes never make an account again sir that was disrespectful dad joke or dark joke combine the two a woman visits the doctor if she has some abdominal pains and suspect she may be pregnant after examination the doctor comes out to see her well I hope you like ginger nappy slash diapers she replies with oh my god am i pregnant am i pregnant what she responds know you've got bowel cancer what a terrible doctor that would be choose one cheesy joke cheesy slash dirty pick up line dark joke fun fact lmao be okay on a scale of one to ten how dark do you want it oh no surprise me bet I started the business selling landmines disguises prayer mats the profits are through the roof oh no it's a dog Oh twenty-one years old if you're in the bad boys swipe left cuz I'm a good boy super like that piece right there good boy I have never done drugs before but I'm thinking of malee not very responsible of medical student but I'll allow it Oh cousin names Molly kitty so he's yeah it's fine sclera in Israel okay bud so too many mummies in Egypt Saul now on here looking for ticks ah nice Oh Sophie no Sophie people say I have yellow skin but you can spray my face white Sophie Sophie that's not how you introduce yourself oh no she's a facialist hey funny we matched I thought I'd never see you again um didn't know we met in the first place remind me you don't remember coming over you might have mistaken me for someone else no I don't when did I come over allegedly next weekend damn all right you got me sold what are you doing in Bahamas vacation what brings you here I am an escort do you do any foot stuff or any fetish really what you want how much to rock how much shrub aloe on my sunburn while I gently try the price is for the time Katherine I think you should give this guy discount you must be one of the seven deadly sins because I'm feeling lust lol what not one for biblical name based pickup lines I'm gonna be honest with you Cynthia that line was absolute golden you're being silly kangaroos can hop backwards we might not hook up but at least you learned something you win I love fun facts oh yeah babies aren't dishwasher safe no no Floyd so are you back packing sort of I had two weeks off and thought what the hell let's go on a trip that's not enough time unless you want to get drunk tonight for the sake of it ello well did you just try to spoil Game of Thrones for me because I didn't go for a drink with you I didn't try spoil it I did I don't watch that show it's a hard pass from me every time do you have crappy lungs from smoking lmao I wish I was born with a terminal illness that seems like the worst type of illness it's pretty great actually I get to be one of those Millennials that dies we're paying off their avocado toast debt so I take you're not looking for a long-term relationship hey how are you I'm doing great today how are you pretty good well that's good did you do anything fun move some stuff and work lol do you like any music I like most kinds of music well that's interesting do you ever listen any podcasts yes all the time oh no but you'll love this one I found myself listening to a lot lately it's a fascinating interview series where this guy us women three very open-ended questions but they're only allowed to answer with very short generic sentences his jobs that try to piece together any concrete information about their lives if he's successful we buy them a cup of coffee it's a weird setup I know but it's actually super interesting it sounds interesting Casey Casey don't be like this case he's talking about you Casey oh man from Casey Katie it gets even better hello there stop she who would swipe right must answer me these questions three one what is your name Katie is shown above lol two what is your favorite color red but like a dark crimson red three what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow gotta love the Monty Python did Katie know what doing the Lord's work report blank we won't tell endgame spoiler and by oh wow the jerk Theresa Knight she's made out of pop-tarts she's made out of pop-tarts and she's from little Accord on Bleu College of culinary arts in Seattle do you believe in love at first bite I don't want to know how old those pop-tarts are Theresa you could call me Leonardo da Vinci cuz I'll make you Mona Lisa cat got a mate both okay come on what would you rather have from me a a nice date restaurant and a movie be meaningful and intelligent conversations or C multiple orgasms you can have a if you first accomplish C followed by B ah so you're gonna put me to work right away and earn it might as well see what you like in bed before finding out how boring your personality is yeah yeah I heard you want to be like Bonnie and Clyde when they go rob a petrol station and kill some policeman with me let's go me only swipes attractive people attractive people only swipes attractive people me shocked Pikachu no that's the name of the game okay so you might unmatch you for this but do you want to hook up I think you're really cute and we can have some fun I know there are 26 letters in the alphabet but I'm having a hard time remembering the two after M could you help me out that's the most creative way I've been turned down my pleasure of course hold up how tall are you 5 foot 10 6 foot enough to ride this roller coaster well that's alright I'll just go tell my friends on reddit about this I'll make an exception for you hmm please don't go tell reddit roast me only think bigger than your forehead is your waistline facts when he already knows your insecurities what guidance do you seek today I seek a Holy Grail I believe it's in the Vatican if I remember correctly they were the last to have it do I break it to the Vatican well you could play the long game become baptizing Catholicism then work your inside its system or play the short game and become a cleaner then when everyone's trust with your charms got the access codes and keys and you're ready thank you no worries anything else I can help with that's it I know I changed the life advice rock voice halfway through well once he said I seek the Holy Grail with that second Monty Python zinger I had to give him a different voice dan Trainor a wild Dan appeared swipe right to fight swipe left to run happy Saturday any fun weekend plans no ma'am so do you play for the Marlins because that's really cool I grew up in st. Louis Missouri ake a baseball heaven yeah I'm in the organization how's your Monday good if you're as good as baseball as you are with your conversation skills that would explain the Marlins awful record hey blank on a skill of future husband two anonymous hookup what are you looking on tinder she's actually pretty close to an on on a suck-up whoa you're operating on another level Thanks where do you place I don't usually answer questions with this phrase but far right well what turns you on not answered credit I don't know what turns me on anymore in my heart I'm a sitting with my fish fish all by an official might gain any kinds of snap is trout's catfish it's a great it's great life you free sometime this week I am wait question though how tall are you Bob's n how about you Oh from 511 well it's okay though not to be cocky but I'll be taller when you're on your knees anyway oh my god that was a good one it was is your mom single you weirdo I'll take that as a no well I guess you're cool too then would you rather have $100 or a lifetime supply of skittles you definitely have a small wiener sorry that wasn't one of the options cute Starbucks guys on tinder what took a while for that gift to load but it was worth the wait I'm cute Starbucks guy I like that nickname not even kidding I referred to you as the babe at Starbucks and the text to one of my friends about a month ago that's cute hey hey I heard you looking for a stud cuz I got the STD you know I need is you already got one of those STD or a stud would keep you guessing how do you look on their tinder profile how they look in real life sounds about right but he would toaster cuz I want to take a bath with you nice one it would be pretty electrifying spark to be flying for sure you can say there's a spark between us yeah I definitely sense I have a socket you could plug into but then are you a toaster because I'd like to take a bath of you that's how my dad died you want to take me out the same way what the f is wrong with you hey do badi um no okay let me start again okay go ahead hey do Bako any man sir how do you unmatch someone too bad you don't know okay bye - Balu Crestor Colgate as in toothpaste friends yes ma'am rest you also Chris but I'd rather give you oral B oh damn what hey I hate to ask this but I need help with this math problem X plus U equals 25 I'm thinking X is 15 because U is definitely a tenth are you sure you don't need two times them together which definitely sounds we're accurate if X is 12.5 because U is definitely a 2 I told her which 5 liquids I'd have my fingers dispensed if I was on a desert island you I'd probably go with water nutrition shake whisky caulk and printer ink we're never ink know how expensive that stuff is if I ever get off the island I'll make a killing selling it but what if you never get off well Amelia I was hoping we could get each other off what a smart fellow and that brings us to the end of our slash tinder and if you enjoyed the video which I hope you did leave a line down below subscribe to see more content and as always I'll be seeing you

Channel: EmKay

Views: 3,171,992

Rating: 4.9401469 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, r/entitledparents, r/choosingbeggars, r/choosingbeggars top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, sorrow tv, rslash, giofilms, fresh, emkay, r/tinder, r/tinder top posts, reddit tinder top posts, emkay tinder, tinder

Id: wSR6Tin6H1o

Length: 12min 34sec (754 seconds)

Published: Fri May 10 2019