r/Tinder | I'M A GIRL I SWEAR

perfect way to take your ex out of a picture hell yeah Tino [Music] what's up guys and welcome back to Ma my name is Dani and today we're looking through our slash tinder a good time to be had by all but not if you're on tinder if we get married and you live longer than me I want you to have me cremated then mix my ashes with chili powder and eat all so I can tear that butt up one last time when I die I want that joke to be buried with me so that no one has to hear it ever again nuts fair it's overused what would you like bad pickup line question roast you asked me I haven't been roasted go for it alright if your butt was any flatter conspiracy theorists all over the world would use you as living proof roses are red violets are blue I don't smoke crack but sometimes I do roses are red I can't tell if that's a joke I'll roll you a blunt as I don't have the budget for coke roses are red it was really a joke I'll take this man off you could do the coke roses are red I've only done coke twice Smirnoff is Akiba Smirnoff is icky but how about a sea rock ice roses are red this is quite the task should we end this rhyme I thought I'd ask roses are red you could quit if you'd like to for I have this motto I won't finish before you do Oh see ace had double entendre that's a good one it's five points you match with chi-ling on 2019 through this basically this this month in May well now it's June last month anyway he says hey what's up lmao just in London at the moment what about you oh not much I'm just chilling Wow okay you just did that you don't have to hold the car door open for me Oh Mike uh-huh you don't have to hold the car door open for me but if you could hold my legs back while you piledrive me I'd appreciate that I mean that's a humble request sorry I just got a sickness for that thickness you : me fat what the actual f bra well this didn't go as planned I think it might have a cure for singleness you should try tinder I hear the guys on there suck though they're like super persistent and won't let something helpless go it's like VV don't understand how pointless it is to keep pushing and pushing so unappealing you know you're cute you met with Karen on December 31st 2018 he is so cute it's scaring me we're doing Shh huh I tried to make a pun out of your name but I guess you didn't care enough to notice what them Shh why Karen is the senile old woman conscious 25 and she just wants someone to look at her the same way Trump looks at his daughter and can anyone do that for it can anyone at all on our first date I'll carve our initials into a tree it's the most romantic way of letting you know I have a knife nice job censoring her name idiot oh this is a big post oh boy did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name why he named them and a one and A two and A one two three four not gonna lie I'm disappointed reality is often disappointing deep give me a topic and I'll try to turn it into a pick-up line computing are you a compressed file because I'd love to unzip you oh I'm giving up on you oh damn I'm insulted yeah well got to give better responses if you want to have a convo I cannot help having dead chat it's an affliction I can't overcome who taught you such dead chat born this way I can't help it have you got any good jokes you can tell me damn probably not humor also not my forte you got any other hidden talents you're really not impressing me Anna not gonna lie I'm a dull person I computing I'm starting game development in September I can outdrink most people I spend way too much money on clothes and shoes but actually human interaction parts I suck at to be honest Anna it's cause you've been staring at computer screens all day you got to get out in the real world also you definitely can't outdrink me I'm used to computers hun even when I get out I process stuff like one interactions don't work like programs do yeah I figured that I'll put it in your language if baby and equals fit then dot slash sendin or square news exe if an ax equals impressed true send underscore nudes jpg file reader not open if trying underscore to underscore smash equals true you are underscore number equals input digits if location is close by sending equals true def underscore location close by if location equals close by false dot backslash send underscore near exe this probably makes more sense to you than real human language does location equals can't close by equals London slash Kent and yes it actually does he when interaction of all's emotions and stuff and holding a combo PC works with fax back underscore in underscore London underscore soon exe yeah it's a shame humans have brains probably what got us this far but we could have fit so much more ram in there remove emotions more space for other things you ever experience an emotion processing file not found except wanting me to ram my disk into your hard drive much better line than your opener and I just send your snapchat oh yeah hi hello who just [ __ ] looks like I got an ax snatch Nike do you know what's the similarity between me and your exams what they're both hard and they'll pass quickly but she gotta take it first dango 22 is a good boy he goes to obedience school he's just a small-town dog who took the midnight train going anywhere and he likes food walks and cuddling and him matchwood dango he's gonna say I don't know what you're looking for on this app but I hope you find it slash them and that they make you happy I do know however that I made this account descent puppy gifts and will send them if you want you are my hero puppy gifts please thank you drone strike this coochie like it's a hospital in Yemen okay want to get drunk eat pizza and let me touch your butt I'm lactose intolerance so when you touch my butt alert all over you that would be a disaster so get drunk eat carrot sticks in hummus perfect those foods have all the right proprieties to make my poop stay solid and that's what it's all about folks Emma's 18 and at least you won't have to feel bad about it your receding hairline how dare you Emma my hairline is beautiful and full how dare you I haven't my exams in two hours just letting you know so you feel good about yourself exam smh it's good to know that I'm higher than your exam in your priority list good luck though yeah my probably Ora T suck so who's better at sucking you are your priorities you have the most beautiful eyes Thanks so what's that cutie talking to this really cool dude really would I know um yeah I'm going on a date with him tomorrow night after I get off work no you don't know um oh that just deep buff my confidence stat I put your face on a stamp just so I can lick the back your head what want to start a band let's just move right on past that top again in this ridiculously obvious snapchat filter well someone got to say about that they got to say you know the filter is pretty obvious right like you're not fooling anyone finally someone notices i've had this seventy year old man trying to screw me for like four hours now fantastic would you like to undress in my bathroom that's right master seduction over here who whispers things in the ear like I did the laundry bathroom is clean if she is a Donna Jesus Christ I'm getting wet goddamn right you want know what you want this is a dude using the girl filter seventh person and 147 this is for a research for UT sociology final dope bro you could still get it still get what mmm very bold of you girls on tinder oh did somebody get addicted to receiving validation from strangers on social media maybe I know feel validated until I read a comment that says day me and I love your voice you're the wife I think about this one comment I saw on this these MK videos every day and it's your laugh increases my HP there was some long lines of that and I think about it every day and it tickles my soul how's tinder going for you better than it is for you virgin de virgin so your mama doesn't count oh nice blank and blank professional snowshoers at Arby's hello and welcome if you're confused if you're not and allow me know us to explain we share the same apartment major job and now if you're lucky maybe we'll share you too Oh interesting swipe one and get one free neither of us is an econ major but we're pretty sure this is a good deal are you here for good sex no perfect you match the right guy hey hey how are you I'm good you okay I'm gonna go ahead and clear the air now I'm sixteen so if FBI says no your common sense is on your side my friend I found my heaven on earth my ho Wow couch is so good I say my own name during sex we love that self-confidence hey sexy I'm horny so when do you want to smash when works for you let me ask my mom Wow very impressive so if you work for a finance company that means you're good with numbers right for the most part yeah do you mind if I test you sure if you're good with numbers then what's yours oh that's a good line that's 15 points to that gent or lady I don't know how the roles were or maybe they're both gents or maybe they're both ladies I don't judge I just give up the points [Laughter] well look who came crawling back you miserable sack of crap this is the best message I've ever received on tinder thank you oh we matched god frickin damage I figured you'd be a creep enough to click and I'm just gross to do the same thing Donegan and I had to waiting for your response I went ahead and swiped left on like a hundred people without really watching cast a wide net all I caught was my freaking no sister haven't we matched before yeah we did why did we unmatch we went on a date that'll do it April no it's May you're the 17th person to make that joke since I've been on here don't think your original hon you're boring nope it's May at least my name didn't come from a baby book no it came from a cow and a stupid but milk is perfect you're gonna have it cold in the summer or hot in the winter the pinnacle of human creation no that would be you god damn that was smooth prices nurse call buttons sexy nurse voice can I help you I pulled my page again I need you to change I pulled my page again I need you to change them in the sheets immediately god damnit Mindy account run by Mindy's boyfriend but I need someone to take her off my hands she on my last nerve ask me if I'm a penguin ask me if I'm a penguin it asked me if I'm a penguin ask me if I'm a penguin Congrats you've asked me for a month straight are you a penguin no I'm not thanks for asking though screw off please think of your brain cells where you do this stuff it must fry them so severely nice to match to you I like your pigs hell yeah your interest seemed pretty on par with mine can we just get the small talk and just go skating at a park then cuddle and we bout about anime crab that sounds awesome honestly lol what up you try and let me rub grape jam on your body only if I can rub peanut butter on you match made in heaven just got back from the store I've got a jar smokers in a tub of jiff let's meet up then you're gonna need bread or we make it a sandwich why not both how do you always have the right answers oh no Amanda just is that right kind of gal for you my friend but that brings us to the end of our slash tender and be like the video which I have a feeling you may have if you're uh if you're sitting there right now you're giggling you got to the end the video thinking haha hehe that was a real funny sub write it just leave a like okay what do I got to get to this exposition I don't got to do nothing evil like my friends I know you wanna I know you gotta you have no choice and subscribe which is also not a choice if you're already subscribed unsubscribe and then Risa because I'm asking real nicely here I'm batting my eyelashes and as always I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: undefined

Views: 3,712,150

Rating: 4.9459004 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, sorrow tv, rslash, giofilms, fresh, r/tinder, r/tinder top posts, r/tinder best posts, tinder emkay, tinder, tinder funny, r/tinder top posts of all time, emkay

Id: 9JdUEnTeAnM

Length: 14min 52sec (892 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 05 2019