r/Facepalm | bruh,,.. there's nowhere to run?

death row inmates how long is your sentence for read the question there's your answer get off of the threading what's up guys and welcome back to MA my name is Damien they were looking through our slash facepalm the exotic turtles for sale chief there's a scorpion not relatively close to the family of turtles why do you lie to me in this ad no running well I can assure you that I'm not from the Bible time so that won't be happening that is water I can't run on water glitter reindeer I didn't know reindeers had a horn like that but I guess you could say they're feeling pretty horny 19 Bowie you know a country from a good country you're from London it's not a that's not a surname close to one rip sweet Tom you'll always be the coolest cat my boys will miss you okay this is really embarrassing I don't know who's Kelly buried but Tom just showed up at our house only at the vicar's house got some happy boys here did you just bury some random cat maybe it was just taking a nap you and his beard in a live cat but only at the vicar's household mark says but rolling fire in the background with a water gas is a great example of how not to dress climate change dude it's a TV it's a TV chief hey chief that's my private urinal and my public pooper I just don't like people looking at me when I pee but when I poop s-- direct eye contact its 1984 banned in the US the book of 1984 being about suppression of information itself was banned in the USSR for being anti-communist but it was also banned in the USA for being Pro communist turns out the book proved its point images for white actors I'm waiting none of them none of them fit what you just typed in Google I think they're all very talented but these are not what I typed in I like how you also have male attractive black famous old nice kid pretty women go swimming well I'm a man so I don't know is it possible for a pregnant woman to go swing without unintentionally drowning the baby how can the baby breather the vaginas under water water lock don't worry should the woman keep the vagina above water so the baby can breathe through the wood hey chief fascinating concept that's not how it works unisex names lists are unisex names for girls well that justifieth the purpose doesn't bunk beds futons something beds black sail what does that mean what does that mean if you form tin foil into a sphere and microwave it for six or seven minutes it'll come out smooth with it and be shiny oh boy huh huh it sparks it smokes it makes a lot of noise I think you did it wrong try doing it for 15 minutes oh you guys are just leading the poor boy astray Sparkie metal destroy microwave guess I really don't want a shiny smooth ball of foil well yeah that's also not how they'd do it don't worry you're justyou're yours okay alright that's like telling someone delete system32 of them going nuh-uh that's not how it works yeah of course not just one you delete system32 when does it start midnight or noon 12:00 p.m. does not exist we assure you that 12:00 p.m. exists in the word for it is noon would it be a lot easier just say noon yoo-hoo what remains controversial I go by legal definitions there's pop of support for your point of view yet it makes no sense since p.m. equals host Meridian and the meridian is noon so you're saying blah blah blah blah blah don't come to our event Thanks hey chief cool windshield wipers wish you had a windshield on the back of your car so you know have that work on hello my husband is repulsed by my aged urine rubs your aged of urine rubs one more time just so I can be sure that's that that's the words you just put out into the world aged urine rubs I can just stop reading there he hates every single thing about it even with the essential oils he says he still smells it all over me even to the point he doesn't want to touch me should i compromise by only only drinking it drinking it and using it up the nose ears etc I have literally tried everything GERD of the smell he even says the jars look like dead waste please I need some help here who told you this was a good idea what snake girl did you buy what piss did you buy clearly from your own huh self supplier you disgust me I'll give you the same advice I gave to blank who is not a member of this group - when his husband was complaining about a you leave him there are other fish in the sea and had he never left we would have never began our journey together united by a you aged urine rubs with a partner are electrifying spiritually they're also terrible gross yucky yucky don't come near with a ten-foot pole stay away you gross a-hole yeah that's right I've rhymed it hipster gets mad as photos used an article about how hipsters look alike then finds out it wasn't him prove their point hey what's the biggest planet on Earth uh Jupiter's no not even when you want to kill yourself because I feel the physics exempt but that's a plastic for it no wonder I failed animal rights activists abused blind man for having guide dog you understand that he means that bet he needs that animal right you're idiots dumb stupid dumb dumb stupid we got two headlines from this week yacht owners with priceless art need to be we're flying champagne corks and 40% of Americans are one missed paycheck away from poverty well Bloomberg and CBS 2 very different categories of news a man had seizures after eating hot pot turns out he had tapeworms in his brain I don't like thinking about that tape words the tapeworms in the brain yucky scary yucky don't like thinking about that one bit and not anything wrong with the cellar that's why I not anything wrong with the cellar that's why I gave four stars my problems with Apple how do they charge for using their own gift card they just do chief lifeguard fired for saving a man's life turns out not allowed to do your job hey-ya hey-ya anyone notice how he shot was left hand yeah it's called being left-handed panelling you have no brain Charles it's why your head so hot it's full of hot air mm-hmm my ex-wife did not know helicopters could hover until around age 23 what she saw a copter over a scene in San Diego and asked me how's that helicopter just floating in one spot and that's when I divorced her minimum wage doesn't cover the rent anywhere in the US this is why you need to get a mortgage hit me up is this why why are you using that as a business opportunity that's a horriffic Newsline and you usually get to make money capitalism is alive and well folks taking notes take notes business majors you'll never see refugees from America when things turn to crap we don't run to another country we dust off our guns and fix it Barry Ditmer you know the irony that you posted some things giving is amazing yeah it's true my mom thought the International Airport meant that the runways are longer and fought me when I said if an airport international that means it has international flights sometimes you just gotta let the ignorant be ignorant my friend a white woman interrupted a slave play queuing in to call its black playwright racist I'm sorry should I tell you let me get this right you felt so offended on the behalf of everything in the screenplay to call the playwright who was black racist for the story you read you realize that that's comical that is I don't know if it's comedy or tragedy honestly okay why is it when the CDC says to throw your romaine lettuce everyone takes it as gospel yeah when the cement OSI vaccines save lives they're part of the Illuminati just asking don't got any answers for your chief please be careful two white males jumped out of this van trying to get me mm efforts knew my name and everything one of them phrygian members had handcuffs stay woke nobody's safe I feel like that's a ironic post more than anything else I don't think that's a facepalm I think they're just being ironic like hahaha they knew my name how scary don't know what that big sign on the car is though sure we found know what that is this some sort of gang Americans voted Taco Bell the best Mexican restaurant of 2019 maybe when you're drunk so you got it all wrong you want to find the good Mexican restaurants go to the little hole-in-the-wall places in your local town that's where it's at get that off then tissa T whoa what cranes lift the face of a statue from the Abu Simbel temples in Egypt 1966 that's not whoa that's nutty that's crazy oh you mean white people still historical landmark circa 1966 the temples that Abu Simbel remove piece by piece to another location to avoid them being flooded due to the creation of the Aswan Dam you guys need to stop making assumptions yeah I agree but he won't so we can go after yeah sure thing Kahneman what do you always call me thing what you always call me thing oh no that's an expression what do you mean like when you have a plan it's a sure thing and you're an idiot so the plans off no thing did not follow with a path may lead goads are where there was no path and leave a trail Ralph Waldo Emerson hey with all due respect this is terrible advice for trains he's got a point the Beals and five words both surviving members are vegan aiyo I might be buggin but I don't think John Lennon and dad cuz he ate meat I'm gonna be honest with you I think you got a point there Merrill I don't think that's why Lennon died incredible difference 144 Hertz to 240 I believe it's supposed to be a video Hertz is the refresh rate essentially how many times a second the screen updates the picture so you can only only tell the difference in motion this does nothing imagine being this idiot this dunce parking in the Walmart shopping cart caddy I guess if it's a free space as a free space for this guy before the war between Android and Apple started the war between 0.5 0.7 uses was the one that separated humans from each other I think these were joules is it Ben I thought these were cool jewel stickers yeah it's bad it's not at all what it is chief the only Japanese who survived that Titanic lost his job because he was known as a coward in Japan for not dying with the other passengers apparently self-preservation is a negative trait oh my this is a little sad schools are reading to take down analog clocks because kids can't read them anymore yeah why can't people read time it's 853 no no no that's news to me though it's kind of sad you're right when kids stopped knowing how to read some Donnell's one of the best reasons the question vaccines is because the government is mandating them and that's the best reason to question them okay all right chief either this is a really good thing where it's calm before the storm did you really have to reference fortnight there what part of this is a fortnight reference at all the storm I hope you realize that calm before the storm is a common saying and nowhere close to a fortnight reference that's an epic fail frickin erases with this Confederate flag chief that's the Norway flag does anyone know what this may be it's a coconut coconut looks like a coconut no it's not a coconut it was a hard ball in it that was Hollow well actually similar corn there's an outside has to protect it the inside hard ball is the coconut now you know because that information is gonna be lost on you that chief I'm gonna not gonna lie oh sweet baby Jesus that Turkey is and ruined soiled it soiled it thinks this Thanksgiving remember the cranberry sauce but forget the marijuana Theriot was convinced to take a toke of a joint with his friend just to relax immediately after Terry killed his friend who had given him the marijuana and a murderous crazed not so safe is it marijuana not even once but that's not even what it does that's like not even close to the effect that's that what do you is that he can even make this as an ad this is this is fear-mongering Chris this is on a Friday this year what is it's the 13th but it's not but it's not chief same day every year just lanes on one day of the week same number though fresh never frozen yellowfin tuna steaks previously frozen but you said it was never frozen author asks why his book called that no more plastic was wrapped in plastic Cornwall based Martin Dorey said the world is sleepwalking into oblivion because armchair activism better than real activism for the majority in the public my friend I don't get it what's up would be rock in the middle of a road Oh get why this is a facepalm definitely trying this I really want to find out if I'm related to my ancestors well I highly suspect you are indeed related to your ancestors they are indeed your ancestors what does he have a 69 it's the symbol for cancer oh my god I'm so sorry I'll be beets it though for real well that's nice of you for a principals publication in 1815 students today depend on paper too much they don't know how to write on a slate without getting chalk dust all over themselves they can't clean the slate properly when they run to the paper shows you it's been going on forever every time something new comes along the boomers got a crack down on it does getting shot hurt oh no get shot and tell me go on be the guinea pig well I'll calendar to access your calendar hot cheese oh no what's it gonna do calendar things can't trust it broad cabal and a big part in 9/11 not being around as long occasion never in the office I see it why do you think brocco bomb was it in the Oval Office on 9/11 that I don't know I'd like to get to the bottom of that maybe it's cuz he wasn't yeah okay not right tala show permission slip I will give my child the permission to be in the talent show on March 1st 2018 I know this is an after hour event and I'll make sure my child's at the school at 5:00 p.m. to perform nice hey win scout someone went offered a $25,000 award in her husband's murder now she's arrested for his death did they get the money though are you a liar my wife's calculator wasn't working due to a lack of light I told her to use her phone this was not what I was expecting sometimes you got any more clear buddy yes I am queen because my father is king hey whoa whoa whoa way what reverse a little bit there chief I want to feed you pasta what if I don't what pasta why are you lactose-intolerant pardon lack toast and told her onto the thing where you can't eat dairy this is where the conversation ends hey why won't my printer hey wasn't my printer print gifts properly I tried to print a gift but the page doesn't move on the paper only on the computer is there something wrong with the printer no there's something wrong with your brain for thinking that would work man if only there was a company that could fix that glass maybe the one that you're driving for not a future across from Ashley B Davey here's the bad fanner for Damian I love your channel man holy thank you m'kay ninja I'll look at us we're going in you think that six arms is Ashley - don't even think about it no six arms just two we just that fast thank you so much thank you for watching our slash face palm if you liked the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from m'kay if you want to catch more of me you can find me at twitch.tv slash Damion Lee live and as always I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,342,456

Rating: 4.9349084 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/facepalm, r/facepalm top posts, r/facepalm best posts, facepalm, r/facepalm emkay, emkay facepalm, facepalm emkay, therewasanattempt, r/therewasanattempt, r/therewasanattempt emkay, therewasanattempt emkay, fails, reddit fails, epic fail, fail compilation

Id: 3NuWKLR_ndQ

Length: 14min 4sec (844 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 16 2019