r/Technicallythetruth | uhhhh...

i understand how you get bob from robert and bill from william but how do you get dick from richard ask him nicely hey editor can we get one more rib shot for this incredibly new joke [Music] how's it going ladies and gents welcome back to mk i'm your host robin and today we're going to be taking another look at our slash technically the truth where the best kind of truth reigns supreme let's get right to it shall we there's a big bag of deadly acid in the middle of my body and i'm supposed to be totally okay with that no you're not you can be mad about it just like me 22 celebrities that look nothing alike number one oprah winfrey and channing tatum holy crap they absolutely look nothing alike that's crazy name one character who could defeat captain america go ahead i'll wait uh captain vietnam [Laughter] oh god not only could he defeat him but in the worst ways imaginable people associate wearing glasses with being smart but you have to fail a test to get them hell they even let us look at the answers well under certain conditions they do art isn't just a painting in a stuffy museum art is alive art is art well i'll say anybody know her she dropped her id oh that's asia thomas she goes to tsu dude what do you know come on though they didn't ask who is this they said anybody know her would a gay shop owner declined service to someone because they were straight no because gay people aren't [ __ ] [ __ ] well technically god what year is it these are like 40 year old memes come on my doctor told me now that i'm getting older i need to install a bar in my shower what do y'all think well dad i know you're getting up there in years that's it that's all i wanted to say milk is good it can be butter i hate you i hate you so much i once bit a dog that bit me how by biting it to be fair that is a weird question what do you mean how did i bite it i opened my mouth and chomped down on the dog after it did the same thing to me millennial dads have pathetic diy skills compared to baby boomers baby boomers have pathetic blacksmithing skills compared to 9th century saxons well ain't that the truth also you really can't blame the younger generation for not knowing how to do things when the generation that was supposed to teach us how to do things didn't the generation that invented participation trophies and then turned around and made fun of us for getting those trophies you know what i don't really trust the boomers with jack let alone teaching me how to hammer a nail alice places a prepared slide on her microscope but when she looks into it she can't see anything suggest one reason why not she is blind oh yeah that could definitely be one of many reasons list of books to read before you die any book you want don't read books you don't want to read that's it congratulations you did it i really like this list all my favorite books are on it like this image to instantly burn 1.42 calories the average amount of calories needed to perform such an action i really doubt that number for some reason this area is under constant video surveillance oh thank god that sticker's not going anywhere you can't die from covet though lol almost 300 000 americans would disagree with you but they can no no he's got a point oh it's over four hundred thousand now just thought i'd throw that out there you know we're trying to be correct here technically speaking oh no our neighbor died who ray i don't think cheering is appropriate karen oh i need a break egg salad is still chicken salad when you think about it well i don't want to think about it i don't want to think about it at all if i'm eating egg salad clearly thinking is not important to me at all how is this a child-sized soda well it's roughly the size of a two-year-old child if the child were liquefied good to know the average two-year-old child if melted into a liquid would be roughly 512 ounces which character from the office are you chili's can the office die please in this workplace we value transparency i'm looking at you barney i should not be looking at you are we clear no my competitors think i'm just some cocktail server from dallas brie age 24 cocktail server from dallas bag of coke 10 bucks 10. fox god what people think the cold war was what it actually was the hell they doing over there i asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied six i said how can he only be six if you're six he said because he's only been a dad since i was born yeah your age resets when you become a dad so i was at walmart earlier a lady was looking at frozen turkeys but she couldn't find one big enough she asked the stock boy do these turkeys get any bigger he replied with a straight face no ma'am they're dead made my weak both of them are definitely in the wrong and in the right here just to be clear if you carefully removed and laid end to end all the veins arteries and capillaries of your body you'll die thanks neil very important for us to know that it's not about you it's about me mj the film is called spider-man 3 okay how did you find your steak sir i just looked next to the potatoes and there it was bees can fly higher than mount everest mount everest can't fly yeah dude so what's your point here fun fact taking a bite from a burger determines where the front of it is i never knew i absolutely needed to know where the front of the burger is at all times until just now parking reserved for green vehicles oh yeah it's another one of these guys [ __ ] you you know what really grinds my gears lack of proper lubrication got to keep your clocks running at all times otherwise it's going to get a little dry and sandy in there you know what i mean yo gucci giving out free shoes if you're going with a gun and a mask i absolutely don't doubt that one bit james i'm still not going to try it though because why in the hell would anybody in their right mind risk literally anything for gucci products performed some experiments yesterday and discovered that fertility is hereditary so if your parents didn't have children chances are you won't either well thank god my parents had some kids the republican where the news hits home quite literally as it turns out someone in my norwegian class didn't know the word for cowboys so they called them american horse pirates and i've been laughing at it for about an hour we'll keep laughing friend i can't wait for the reboot of american horse pirates of the caribbean please put ketchup on the shopping list okay no problem i can't read a damn word of this is there anything worse than a lego for stepping on in the middle of the night a landmine thank you james thank you very much life backwards is the story of your mother becoming increasingly protective of you until she becomes so obsessed she absorbs you into her vagina no life backwards is e filth pretty sure the word you're looking for is aquarium liquid zoo no that can't be an aquarium they're not dealing fish they're dealing liquid savannah animals like lions after all they're much safer if they're in liquid form leviticus 2013 if a man lies with another man he should be stoned after legalizing gay marriage canada legalized marijuana as well now you're legally allowed to get stoned while having gay sex the first country on earth to be able to interpret this bible verse correctly leave it to canada to understand what being gay is all about how to write hello and mandarin god i hate today not safe for work you can have sex with any person you want but you have to first watch them take the most disgusting crap they'll ever take in their life okay this is just being married though how many marriages do you know where you're allowed to have sex with anyone you want just so long as you watch them [ __ ] don't give up on us yet americans are inching towards the metric system wouldn't it be we were 2.54 centimetering towards the metric system sure jay do you have a doctor here yes i'm what's your specialty i'm a doctor in mathematics my friend is dying minus one what husband i'm getting you diamonds for our anniversary wife nothing would please me more gets her nothing instead now that's a big brain move every president before obama was also denied access to twitter ain't that the truth can't believe we were infringing on george washington's first amendment rights by keeping him off of twitter but hey it's the world we live in just read an article about how vaccines contain a brain altering chemical called dihydrogen monoxide it's been scientifically proven that all children with autism have at some point consumed this chemical i am now anti-vaxx you stupid dihydrogen monoxide is scientifically written as h2o it's water people like you are the reason we need to put up signs saying you could drown in the pool if you don't know how to swim every day someone unknowingly does the biggest poo in the world for that day yeah i think i was yesterday 1970s satanic cult attempt to possess a car isn't it sort of easy to possess a car like you just inhabit it physically and then make it do whatever you want this is the first time a sitting president has ever been banned from twitter going back to 1812. only back to 1812 though not farther reverse cowgirl not the one we were hoping for huh oh my god also what kind of name is that you freak what does every roblox youtuber have in common well they play roblox i mean yeah that's the most glaringly obvious one did you know scuba divers roll backwards off of boats because if they rolled forward they would just go into the boat which completely defeats the purpose of scuba a good romance starts with a good friendship a bad romance starts with oh no i'm not doing that no no great freaking work by amazon on the description deadpool 2 the sequel to the first one oh come on ryan like you care over seven customers served since 1998. dang what's the biggest thing you would give up for sex my virginity yeah but that's not really worth much we said the biggest thing the most important thing if you watch jaws backwards it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people sometimes by creepy force also he rebuilds a boat with his mouth when someone says the title of the movie in the movie if i recall they do it a lot in shrek you may not agree with them but you have to admit he's taking a stand he most certainly is and hopefully he goes to jail for a little while tech tip for people who aren't as tech savvy as me when you press the h button on your keyboard you get a lowercase h but what if you want an uppercase h easy just go to the wikipedia page on horses copy the uppercase h and paste it into your document problem solved bravo well played sir michael brushing my teeth what i think i look like what i really look like i've been thinking and i decided i hate it hate what thinking me too dude me too that's why i like jobs where i get to work and be lazy like being a voice actor two dollars is not a tip five dollars is not a tip anything i give you outside the motherfu bill is the tip that's true anything outside of the bill is a tip but if you leave someone three pennies some chewed bubble gum and a leaflet about the bible you might be a piece of name a more toxic community i'll wait venus the rain is toxic there i think we still have venus beat though perfect tutorial never existed okay press open chat to open chat russia is located in russia shoot to shoot the shotgun can i see pictures of people who have their tv built into the wall thank you no problem man i mean that is quite literally what you asked for though you asked for pictures of people who have their tv built into the wall not of their tv i got vaccinated as a kid as a result i'm now starting to gray and bald my balding got so bad i had to shave my head i've also gained weight because of vaccines i've started aging instead of dying as a baby when you're driving but you can't see that well her show me what your wiener looks like in gray sweatpants okay weirdo god cannabis field in the middle of a cornfield you have to be so high to see this yeah like 10 000 feet okay i'm following i'm just kidding i'm not following but i totally agree with the teacher arming herself mk fan art i've posted so many please notice me alright i'm noticing you is this a zoom call a zoom call on a treadmill maybe or no can't be right and now i'm thanking the gods that we've run out of time for today's video folks always remember if you even somewhat enjoyed today's video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed it well then make sure to get yourself subscribed and click that bell icon and until next time we'll catch you later

Channel: EmKay

Views: 703,077

Rating: 4.9582496 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/technicallythetruth, r/technicallythetruth emkay, technicallythetruth, technicallythetruth emkay, reddit truth, truth, reddit puns, dad jokes, puns, emkay technicallythetruth

Id: iqygcXvqnf0

Length: 14min 1sec (841 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 16 2021