r/Roastme | click at your own risk

ruined me Kuya dad died early huh plot twist he was never around to begin with this surprises no one [Music] what's up guys and welcome back to NK my name is Damian and a we're looking through our slash roast me lifeguarding at an empty pool for seven hours give me something to laugh at strapping young man could do with that the outrageous hair all across the board but let's see what reddit has to say if you try to give me CPR I would probably throw myself back underwater I'm pretty sure we all know why that pool is empty everyone who finds them attractive through a pool party I'm awesome get it cuz there's no one there pretty sure no children are allowed within 75 feet of the pool when you're on duty Adult Swim sitting in the corner of the backyard creeping at your little sisters underage friends during her birthday party doesn't make you a lifeguard we talked about this okay we had to talk about this the last time and honestly honestly you just you're not learning man it's got to be a high honor to watch over everyone who's ever loved you that's oh that pool will never be as dead as your gene pool look at the mirror and laugh at UBS attempted a beard it's like Seth Rogen and James Franco is screwed and had a baby incest Wolverine not like that incest ass incest and sin is something I am void of I'm a holy child one with the Lord you get that a heap kid that out of my eye and I say swears I'm not a child I swear words did you pass out at a frat party last night can't imagine how old someone gets that much pubic hair glued to their face if I was drowning and so someone like you battling towards me I'd honestly try and drown faster this made me lol literally literally how can anyone expect you to save a wife when you can't even save your face from that crappy facial hair that's a good one that one stings my client was feeling himself a little too much after his haircut I mean to be fair I would be as well I don't like that first hairstyle but uh the haircut doesn't change the fight that you look like you would the haircut doesn't change the fact that you look like you would a corpse would Nana not would has it's a correction would you say an above average number of amber alerts go off in your town locally there just called Andy alerts now looks like he got caught got off in an airplane restroom blacklisted then cut its hair off change identity then got caught again oh the old 30,000 mile wanker you know you know him going up to the skies just to bust one out when the surfer dudes down and bringing the ladies he's settled for the serial killer vibe instead they're known to be charming he went from mulling children to marching children but with a haircut you helped him go from grossing me out to a creeping me out good job gold star you are a saint for cutting at the homeless shelter good guy barber gotta love them on tonight's episode of serial killer makeovers it's Queer Eye for the cannibal guy aunt you'd get it I'm awesome self-five you look like a high elf from skyrim i didn't play Skyrim I don't get that one I just laughed because I thought it was okay never played Skyrim I don't get the joke you realize you're canceled right yeah but Chris Hansen I swear I just came over to have hot cocoa and help her with her math homework my parents just got divorced my abusive father disowned me and tried to kill me with his car swimmer skater physics and math major and it is graced to all Asians around the world y'all can't do crap to me shrug emoji well Zach let's see what reddit has in store so the fact you're live to post this proves that your father's a failure as well and zag chimes in we're a family of failures oh no it's worse for your mother now your dad tried to kill you or that he failed his mom's a major feminist she's out campaigning for seventy fourth trimester abortions to be what a waste of a one-child policy pink hair confirms you have daddy issues that step number one did your father try to kill you with his car by driving me to get a freaking haircut he actually did force me at one point to shave my head cuz my hair didn't know line with his beliefs this was years ago by the way he told you that because they didn't want to say he was embarrassed to go outside with you so which crappy anime character are you cosplaying based on your complexion I would have guessed that he succeeded at killing you with his car seriously though sunlight exists you should try it sometime it's the lighting I'm Chinese about as yellow as it gets your father should used a better condom last when he used was ruptured in the plastic still in your hair normally I would just assume he's a bad driver but in this case he is a bad driver clearly he missed his target my dad would probably kill me too if I was from lazytown asking him into a rock-climbing accident left me with a concussion black eye broken nose and sprained wrist how much damage can you do don't ask reddit that don't don't ask reddit to see the beginning of the end when you ask Rhetta for damage and already right out the gate I thought goats was supposed to be good at climbing rocks that's quite the sacrifice just to make anyone look at you twice let me guess The Rock got soft when you tried to climb on it at least you'll be interesting for a day this is too true I wouldn't make a domestic-violence joke but we all know the thought of you with a man is laughable Oh got me there the only thing that ever will so where's the after pic apparently the backstage passes of the Chris Brown concert included a meeting beat that's a pretty extreme way to describe a slap fight in math club excuse you my math club resolve our conflicts non-violently it looks like Chang carried the one right into your face now you just have an excuse for being ugly it really is the best part of all this let's do your good side that still heard not as bad side get it right ruin me well we could see the piercings I'm sure that's gonna come up and there's there's like two or three things I can already see being used in in the roasts here the piercings the tattoos it's just easy fodder though here we go here we go was the first one your face says daddy didn't love me enough but your nipple rings a knuckle tattoo say daddy loved me a little too much she was more confused on Father's Day than the entire city of Detroit this is how attractive Paris Hilton would be if she was broke ten bucks says you have a UTI right now she replies with spits out cranberry juice and my man not enough Floyd first time not swallowing market calendar you're ready history is nothing but pictures of plants and dogs things guaranteed to never leave you if the dog figures out how the doorknob works that good boy is gone she also posts on all slash miscarriage so there's at least one thing that left oh my god that is brutal you look like you don't get paid for the poem you make doing it for the exposure you look like you're in between filming scenes of getting ruined oh my god your first words were sugar dad at practice - duck face on the pacifier nipple rings knuckle tattoos black nail polish - what appears to be a suspiciously large bottle of Lubriderm on the counter behind you if I shared a picture of the national flags of Kyrgyzstan Tonga Albania China Morocco Cigna poor Switzerland in the Isle of Man there would still be fewer red flags in that image than in this one that's the be-all end-all that's the best one you probably think you have a modeling career slash influence and potential in your future and you want to fill the void in your life by posting your nipple piercings on one of the thirstiest websites ever so you can try to get a little spark of fame but in reality you're nothing more than a small advertisement on the back of the weekly daddy's issues magazine Jesus you're not wrong oh oh weird dad died early huh plot twist he was never right to begin with this surprises no one I just got dumped gained weight and have an F ton to study for uni obliterate me it looks like another face is trying to break out of your chin I was used to the butt chin jokes but this is a new level are you used to but face jokes - because I just got pinkeye from looking at you when a practice girl finally realizes she's a practice girl know what a practice girl gets demoted the last call at the bar girl ha how many selfie attempts they take to hide that mountain of a nose over/under set at 9 aim higher that's what she said or what he did when I got dumped yes yes let the darkness consume you why torture yourself with that necklace of Aswan you know deep inside you'll always be an ugly duckling love this you look like you give us a duo tubs and that's the best kind I'm confused too you can afford an Apple watch but not clear a cell she can't afford an Apple watch her parents can it sounds bad if you actually write it out least you're still in college plenty alcohol and people willing to experiment do enough dubbing if I somehow get in that is you may have gained 20 pounds but your ex lost 150 pounds of dead weight damn Tom okay geez man oh then how much for the fitness station in the background a hundred Mada for motivation realized I should splurge on actually useful things I believe you're confused useful means something that you will actually use not neglect in the corner like your parents did with you you were dumped at what a garbage truck I'm awesome local 18 year old fake intellectual fighting writer's block burn it away read it just make your pitch and link your patreon so we can all move on with our lives well let me guess softcore cosplay pics in bed poetry now she's a fanfiction.net user for sure if you spent as much time writing as you do making sure your hair look slightly disheveled you'd actually have written a book by now but actual creation would be too much like commitment wouldn't it then really you're a writer because you haven't figured out the difference between a label and personality yet nice who hugged you and Willy Wonka this chocolate still give you PTSD or is it just strictly bubble gum you are the first person on reddit that I have seen has used their actual name as their username for the record how you use a name is trash account parodic fanfiction about Jim Morrison and Noam Chomsky isn't intellectual and probably doesn't count as writing just be glad she moved faster and ran face so John Lennon has been reincarnated as a tasteless [ __ ] talentless why did I read that as tasteless I saw essays and I was like oh this is the most tasteful insult oh that's why a versed tastes less he tasteful there I'm an idiot this is the most tasteful insult that I've ever heard and I want to frame it well they're right next to you future art degree writer's block while practicing the alphabet you look like a ten year old boy wearing his mom's wig you the kind of girl who get a restraining order from a guy you'd meet on tinder great Clockwork Orange cosplay dude people go in on this subreddit it's great it's all in good fun it's all in good fun and it brings us to the end of our slash roast me and if you liked the video leave a like down below and do me a favor subscribe for more content from MK and as always I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 2,103,501

Rating: 4.9244943 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/roastme, r/roastme top posts, r/roastme best posts, r/roastme emkay, r/roastme funny, roast me, reddit roast me, roast me emkay, reddit funny, emkay

Id: G3VIjCw6HUw

Length: 11min 25sec (685 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 05 2019