r/Facepalm | WHERE'S THE "W"??

rip vampy dot nevermind he's alive sorry everyone what's up guys and welcome back to MA my name is Damien and today we're looking through our slash facepalm sick days we no longer accepted doctors notice proof of illness if you're able to go to the doctor you should be able to come to work sorry I I don't think that's how that um you know the whole part of disease spreading if it's contagious you're an idiot and you deserve whatever comes to you okay yeah okay we got a pool here did you just cut the pool open what do you think's gonna happen you cut the pool open you've literally cut it open what did you expect was gonna happen that the water was gonna stay in place no you bozo you [ __ ] it's like a mini flood what is the biggest PLA we got planet planet in the universe planet on earth I'm telling you it's earth that's the that's the biggest planet on earth the seven best hangover cures backed by science number one number one limit your alcohol intake you can't have a hangover if you were never drunk to begin with that's 200 IQ I try to open this isn't gonna work out the way you want it to you know that right like this is gonna go down terribly okay you got one open you're gonna shred the bottom of that phone off it's coming in there there it is you idiot you fool you've won the award of biggest fool cop tried to shoot this dog for barking but he accidentally shot himself instead barkings not a crime you morons a dog it doesn't follow the laws of man Gary novel gives passionate must watch ain't really does he know I might just have to tune in to Sky Sports football looks like it's getting a lot more exciting my friend can't figure out why he has ants oh sweet Mary Mother ago Civ awesome 2006 one dollar bill American currency one dollar Federal Reserve Note USA for 60 bucks well it's an old bill it's at least 10 years old that's a decade so you eat whole animals like in nature pretty sure factory farming doesn't count we were born herbivores basic science what no we weren't if we were born herbivores we wouldn't have the ability to digest meat or canine teeth and incisors for tearing meat eat or don't eat whatever the hell you want but quit spreading BS to guilt and fit people and they're not doing the same basic science and then to clone emojis gonna get some honk honks all right whoa this is a blender that's a weird-looking boy you fool you idiot people should not be allowed to yeah you know there's like a manual that you read before you actually operate the appliance and you're supposed to read through that to find out what you're not supposed to do and that my friend is one of the things that you aren't supposed to do I won't be trying any of the fake plant burgers because I support our farmers and ranchers you know it'll be grow plants just cancel my car insurance two days ago and now my car's misfiring what luck are you taking the piss say do you actually think insurance covers a misfire I love the pirate speak by the way on your Facebook I mean what I helped since I hit a roo in the front of the car's gone through overwrite a few days but then the engine light came on and started to misfire so oh well it's getting fixed now at least why would you cancel the insurance then keep driving it then hit a roo and keep driving it again that's just straight glue Huffer logic some idiot decided to take a screenshot from gta5 and use it as an ad amazingly cheap flights from the Philippines Wow and that plane looks so real and neon pink and totally not video game a set box a sponsored children giveaway enter now for the chance to win lots of amazing prizes including a cash prize store vouchers cinema tickets and many more how's a kid gonna use any of that thought I'd just share this with y'all these are a must-have in our household within this box is 144 pre-pasted toothbrushes that means no more wasted toothpaste or a big mess to clean grab one pop out the wrapper wet it brush teeth and throw everything away almost counterintuitive to saving money isn't it founder or one of the largest conversion therapy ministries in the u.s. comes out as gay and a story first reported in The Post and Courier McCrea game came out as gay and announced the practice of a conversion therapy calling it not just a line but very harmful we're on dia you can't say science says vaccines save more lives than not there has never been a single study to prove or confirm this and there will never be correlation does not equal causation remember amateurs what is this creepy alien jellyfish design my roommate has on his blanket flip the image vertically you [ __ ] Swedish 16 year old climate activists Rita thundered just arrived in Manhattan after sailing across the Atlantic Ocean in a zero-emission yacht disabled kid used by a parents for propaganda to make money research of parents connections especially hood dance and how they earn money disgusting your common history is like cancer but less whimsical losing daylight does anyone know why our days are getting shorter it's seven forty seven pm and it's already getting dark out seems darker in the mornings as well thoughts yeah it's called the earth rotating dear parents the first grade teachers need your help students are wasting valuable learning time on bathroom breaks healthy first graders urinate one or two times during the school day we expect the children to use the restroom before school or during the lunch recess I cannot I'm like reading this and I'm like dumbfounded we also provide an afternoon bathroom break and if a child is having an emergency we allow them to go we find that most emergency stem from children not using the bathroom during the appointed times ways you can help insist that your child uses the restroom at school before the morning bell rings and during lunch recess have your child practice to increase their bladder endurance I'm sorry do what have him or her waiting 10 to 15 minutes from their first urge and increased the wait time by 5 minutes per day over the course of two weeks until your child is able to hold their urine for two hours at a time thank you for your support the first grade teachers their children they're in the first grade okay Bobby you're not gonna get to go pee until you can hold it for 35 minutes you understand that it's too late ma'am my drawers are already soaked prices you can trust yellow tree dogs for 78 cents a pound well hot dogs sign me up do y'all remember when you were a kid and if you didn't know how to spell a word you'd have to look it up in a book book yeah like a thesaurus 1998 Yahoo refuses to buy Google for 1 million dollars 2000 - Yahoo realizes it's mistaken tries to buy Google for 3 million dollars google says give us five billion Yahoo says no 2008 Yahoo refuses to be sold to Microsoft for 40 billion dollars 2016 yahoo sold to Verizon for 4.2 six billion sometimes being stubborn is not the way to go you got to be a visionary so we got cherry vanilla Lyman handicapped that's my favorite flavor fleurs eye makeup hashtag chinchilla this girlie is mister floppies daughter who's 13 this year floppy degrading name for a black person used by my ex-husband against myself mr. floppy named because the years were floppy as a kid I don't know anything about your previous marriage or what your ex-husband used to say to you but this is a post about chinchillas this poor man don't know one tell him no one tell him I let him let him hit one too many speed bumps and absolutely destroy the back of his car just slide it all on fire there's burn the whole thing down friends for life the pet adoption service always loved the sound and bread but I had to send my meal back twice everyone else at my table enjoyed their entrees though wait staff and management was very nice hi Jessica we're an animal shelter not a restaurant teenager goes blind after eating only fries and Pringles for years first off how do you get away with doing that second off that is incredible my crazy neighbor just sent me this text while I'm in Japan essentially she's saying I know you're out of the country but I think people in your apartment oh well have fun okay it's weird as I thought I heard voices last night and this morning in your apartment well enjoy Japan nice job Google looks like you guys might get hit by the hurricane on Tuesday or Wednesday yay I hope so it's exactly what I would send the Han Beauty hair salon but why is there braille up there as a seven foot tall man who's blind gonna bump his face until the sign go oh so here salon right down there game over cops guard IKEA store after three thousand teens threatened to play hide and seek in the furniture let them have their fun it's a bunch of innocent kids trying to hide in the Kia the winner gets a bunch of Swedish meatballs what's the problem IKEA I know Nirvana in role stones oh nice I miss Kurt alot I once got to meet him what seriously how old are you I'm 16 how did you meet him then oh my mom knew some people who knew him so you actually met him yes me did I'm having trouble understanding though he died in 1994 we hit 1 billion views Wow that's over one third of the entire world population thank you so much I'm not gonna crack a joke about it cuz I don't want to get banned from mork's fest message failed to send 600 days ago thanks for letting me know iPhone I love iPhones I use an iPhone I've never had that happen to me but if it did if you're gonna dine and dash maybe don't use our selfie machine before you leave wow wow wow wow Elijah Wood signed an autograph for me and then as a walk dog called me back to tell me I had great hair I had to talk my friend out of getting drunk tattoos with Elijah what at Coachella and she's still mad at me for it no that never happened I don't know who you or your drunk friend are Indian men hitting on a painting the first guy just drops his phone number I love you this is my number hello sexy dear friend how are you I kiss your full body and then this gentleman with a full paragraph goes a beautiful girlfriend how are you I like you I love you I feel you and all day all night every day everything you I need you please come Bangladesh I receive you bro it's drawn lol hurricane is a reminder that humans are not God and science is not King in Florida were very blase at least the locals I was born and raised here we're blase about the hurricane were like yeah could strike us could not me hey if it does this is not a Florida man on the news happy Labor Day momma's you're all amazing strong woman and you're killing the mama life take a moment today to celebrate what you've been through and bring your little one slash ones into the world hey you notice now what that means right Labor Day is not you know what I'll let you I'll let you celebrate today I took these with my iPhone X camera quality so surreal looks like Leonardo Cambria painted them I a not to be confused with award-winning actor Leonardo da Vinci on the real dough those are some very pretty clowns in the contrast with the dark cloud and the white cloud zoo-wee mama that's a good one che RV Road in the back of a truck and lived literally the only ones I can share this are the ones that lived no no no see if you're not heard about Facebook for the dead cuz I sure have I'm using it right now highest-grossing films that starred Zac Efron the greatest showman The Lorax neighbors High School Musical 3 senior year hairspray 2007 Baywatch New Year's Eve 17 again and a neighbor's two sorority rising is not a gross movie it's a very cute one actually with lots of colors and I love colors man drives away from court and minutes after judge prohibits him from driving provincial police say they arrested a convicted drunk driver after he allegedly drove away from court five minutes after a judge ordered him not to drive for a year that's just instinct man can't blame the guy he's all right I guess Oh see I get in the car remembering my dad and the many who served and are currently serving our country thank you for your sacrifice and dedication hey you know it's Labor Day right today at the fair an actual grown adult woman was asking what they were gonna do with all the milk they were getting from the cows she was totally and absolutely perplexed that it was the same milk that makes it to the shelf at the grocery store she also couldn't comprehend the idea of pasteurization someone slept in science class for about five years no one tell her we're butter but cheese comes from she'll lose her mind she'll have a breakdown all right what's wrong with the car ma'am oh she's what what is that gonna solve I want your car to blow up I don't know what exactly what are you trying to figure out here and that brings us to the end of our slash moment if you liked the video leave a like down below and to subscribe for more content from MK and as always I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 3,465,465

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/facepalm, r/facepalm top posts, r/facepalm best posts, facepalm, reddit facepalm, r/onejob, r/onejob emkay, r/onejob best posts, r/onejob top posts, facepalm best posts, facepalm top posts, r/therewasanattempt, reddit there was an attempt, reddit funny, r/facepalm emkay, facepalm emkay, emkay

Id: h992OEyzAW4

Length: 13min 10sec (790 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 08 2019