r/Facepalm | bruh... that ain't right

if you use facial recognition for anything the government has your face law wait until you find out about driver licenses what's up guys and welcome back to MA my name is Damian and today we're going through our slash face bomb now that's an intro that's an intro for the ages Damian that's a good job that's a good intro um when Steve Jobs died he left a quiz that is 97% accurate at predicting your IQ only Albert Einstein has been able to ace it have what it takes take the IQ quiz a net try the quiz find out you know Albert e Albert Einstein he was like Steve this quiz ain't no match for me I got a big brain and I'm not afraid to use I'm not afraid to use that big brain of mine to stop your silly quiz Steve Stephen jobs is like a hundred degrees in my room so I am sweating my life away it is disgusting you saw a woman arrested for claiming her husband killed her Minea hot second to realize what exactly that implied like I had to read it twice in my head I wonder what that phone call was like that 9-1-1 call you know yeah 9-1-1 what's your emergency my my husband has killed me I'm currently dead on the floor ma'am how are you speaking to us what how am i I'm a ghost it's me Casper calling from the afterlife on Quora if God didn't exist how do any of these explain that cellphones and computers can successfully recognize and connect the Wi-Fi networks without any wire or cable despite being unconscious machines hmm you know that's a good question I don't have an answer for that one checkmate atheists ah welcome welcome wilkommen our voix that means goodbye that's the wrong one doesn't mean goodbye I know I'm a dumb man a great white shark egg all memes aside that's dope as hell I love that it is a mammal it gives birth to live babies not in eggs the great white shark is oh that's a-- that's a word that that is a word oh boy the great white shark is over the Paris which means that the shark grows in an egg which is then hashed inside the mother shortly thereafter the shark pup is born well in the womb great white shark embryos feast on unfertilized eggs a practice known as a foggy sharks are fish hello we are texting you to inform you that you've overdrawn your account your current balance is negative one thousand and fifty six pounds and ninety nine cents please resolve this quickly followed by hello Alec it appears we've contacted the wrong account holder we apologize for the confusion in Alec poore Alec he goes uh I frickin crap myself you and I both Alec I did it for you don't worry before and after listen net before pic don't worry about of the skin stupid smooth the face looks like it applied on a liquid filter don't even worry about it it's real photo it's a real photo my little brother tried to do the toothpaste on me but he used blue toothpaste nice going stupid he tried to blur his face I'll be tried hard but if you just look in the window you missed a spot and in the door idiot that's the Brazilian Institute for oriental studies or as we like to call it getting piped College oh my god I just read that China is 12 hours ahead of America why didn't he warn them about 9/11 that's some bull crap screw you China like 3 billion people died hex hey the tea and her name is silent guys cuz she's a [ __ ] 1 star rating on a Scrabble type game where proper pronouns are not allowed not for Christians would not accept the would Christ that was an automatic delete and one stuff of me no God in my game no go uh note what no game would they don't accept my Christian would Christ they didn't accept that word and therefore I'm very angry oh yes it's the class of 2015 otherwise known as 200 Ivy that's not how you say 2015 whoa whoa whoa were you kidding me hey kids let's go to the mom seen a hanging clothes doesn't you if you don't start acting right so the man hyung is his heat on the back of his car and wrote come and take and well he came and took it can you guys hear that hey stop all your lawn mowing I got a funny subreddit to read cops bragging burglars get a resident after posting video of cash these stole I've seen stuff like this before if people start flexing stuff these steel on the cops are like mmm thanks for the tip it's always pretty funny so my wife grilled corn tonight for two and a half hours she said here eat your just lava rock I'm divorcing you would think of the kids how satisfied are you with our coverage quality coverage reliability speed in your area on a scale of five very satisfied to one very dissatisfied one your message failed to send stupid again was a five [ __ ] else someone decided to drain a deep fryer into a plastic bucket and that's just about what you'd expect I used to work in a restaurant my family used to own one and that's the biggest nono of the mall and why didn't you wait till the fryer VAT cooled a little bit to you get it all it was smoking hot it's gonna burn you either way idiot stupid dumb dumb look at that sludge you disgust me man circumsized by mistake and leak as the hospital gets twenty thousand pound compensation but it'll never get back his foreskin the hospital took it for their own purposes the local NHS Trust says it is deeply and genuinely sorry oh [Laughter] [Music] that's great everyone shut the hell up I got accepted for a NASA internship language suck my dong and balls I'm working at NASA and I am on the National Space Council that oversees NASA girl losses NASA internship after insulting engineer Homer Hickam I love he's like just one word language Stern strong authoritative if vaccines were healthy you could put it on a spoon and eat it try it you'll die if broccoli was healthy you could put it in a syringe inject it into your bloodstream try it you'll die it's all good you know what's healthy you could put it in a syringe and eject it try it you'll die that's not how that works buddy just curious do those who choose not to vaccinate it all still vaccinate your animals I do there are preventable diseases I don't want my dog to get my kids though I can make more those I can always make more kids but dogs those are million and they are they really are who is your favorite North American hip-hop artist J Cole jay-z Drake or other Tagum North American Drake is from Canada it's up north but uh not America by the way I never graduated the fifth grade and typical self-absorbed Prius driver fashion this lady cut me off went ten miles under the speed limit and didn't notice the signal light change until the last second she slammed on her brakes overshot to stop here on red mark and when the ball came down and went to the open passenger's window and smacked the passenger on the head I about frickin died that's what you get for being an idiot idiot people are donating money to Kylie Jenner to help her become the world's youngest female billionaire it's official we are the dumbest civilization ever give ourselves a round of applause I mean really it takes a lot of brain cells to die to get up to this point I couldn't be prouder of this community the daily wire called patton oswalt a supposed comedian oz what we responded with guys if you go write an article about me being a failed comedian maybe don't use a pic of me holding up the MEI one for doing comedy Patton Oswalt round of applause I love this man I love that guy girl what the position I just texted my number neighbor and fake sorry it's okay it's alright it's okay the MTV Awards are completely genderless so there's no separation when it comes to talent also we're thrilled that four out of five nominees in the next category are women some make up your mind which is it gluten free chocolate chip cookie this product contains contains gluten so you lyin to me bud what is the gluten come in a little separate packet it's in the cookie in it I'm gonna eat that cookie I'm gonna taste that gluten you jam-packed it with gluten didn't you you know how he likes me you guys have put spongebob on Netflix 1 million likes it won't do it wait oh my god it's a deal it reached 1.3 mil but let me ask you something you spongebob on Netflix oh it's not and it never will be US citizen held this undocumented immigrant says conditions inhumane if they don't like the conditions they can always leave and go home better it don't sneak in and come to America the right way alright I ain't read it get her done I didn't mean to trash Larry the Cable Guy fans but it felt right to say hello hi send me pig oink I mean your pigs hmmm 5linx no man you're a full-body Pig and that's an ork okay I'm tired of answering this question cheating is never please stop laughing about it liking a girls meme more than once is cheating I don't care please stop laughing at this I've never been so frickin hurt and I've never felt so betrayed my entire life if you're in a relationship and you like other people's memes you are cheating once could be justified but I went on the girls account every meme I came across he just happened to react that's not okay I have memes I post memes you don't need to react another girl's memes and yes I am single now I posted a funny me gusta me mean he didn't like it but she posted a bad luck Brian and he put a loved it she's practically banging her 20:19 alpha something Omega recruitment executive do not tow this is an illegal parking job but wait I'm a recruitment exec oh crap nevermind oh it's a sorority house you idiot wait I'm the idiot it's less funny now I don't like feeling dumb imagine knowing a guy that can solve all your financial problems without asking foot banging his name is employment getting drunk is never an excuse she's your daughter not your date I'm sorry is this a real billboard I have an interview for a job tomorrow and the supervisor texted me is this Montana no this is Patrick Ohio JK yeah it's me who this Dominic from dr. Reddy's office oh I'm so sorry yes this Montana no this is Patrick how do you ever notice the popularity of white robots the reason for these shades of technological white maybe racism according to new research now imagine spray-painting the robots black CNN Headline becomes owning black robots may be a sign of being pro-slavery the car isn't working and there's a picture of a guy taking a crap at the monitor oh wait what no it's negative 4 degrees you idiot we're getting divorced notice this is a drug-free workplace this company has a zero tolerance policy regarding the use of drugs or alcohol on the job let's keep it that way I don't I don't get the I'll get the joke on this one here what's GATS hold on is get what what is GAD why is this funny I don't I don't get it wait a minute I'm an idiot this is a work-free drug place [Music] I'm stupid but that brings us the end of our slash facepalm if you liked the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from MK and as always I'll be seeing you god I'm so

Channel: EmKay

Views: 2,967,258

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/facepalm, r/facepalm top posts, r/facepalm best posts, facepalm, face palm, facepalm top posts, facepalm best posts, r/therewasanattempt, therewasanattempt, there was an attempt, reddit funny, r/facepalm emkay, emkay

Id: dUKdFGPF8Uk

Length: 11min 17sec (677 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 14 2019