r/Madlads | this man BONKS

hey old mama can I borrow $600 no yo came on I just stepped on a crack you know what that means [Music] what's up guys and welcome back to ma my name is Damian and today we're looking through our slash man lands would you allow your ex to be in your life again my ex works in the pharmacy so whenever I want to spoil our mood I just go there and buy condom for no reason sometimes I go three times a day I know anyone need any condoms this dude is doing online dating right I hate 300 he four satisfied everyday looking to make that 300 in one if you're interested please ma'am message me hello how are you doing today just send me the virus link yeah okay I like that you're cutting right to the point to all those who use our competitors products happy Father's Day damn date Sheree 31 years old grandfather she could companion for granddaughter she suffers from poor choices I don't care who you are just someone please get out of the house every once in a while she can to keeping me awake at night well guess what mother effer it's baby shark on twelve-hour loop maybe that'll teach you maybe that old tttttt teach you someone painted this rock hey he's just looking at the locals nothing wrong with that just saying hello he's a nice little guy you and your child are driving late at night along a deserted road you come across a van full of money with the driver dead from an apparent heart attack what lesson do you teach your child lift with your legs not your back don't want to hurt yourself carrying all this moolah I booked my way across America by saying I was Prince Harry what a lad I remember about a decade ago I accidentally fought it in my front room on the sofa my sister when did you just fought and I went no I was just son of my foot rub it against the sofa listen then I just fought it again she was convinced nailed it it took me about two seconds to realize what's going on here and he got us all I'm sorry if you survived this long without looking at it but your journey ends here happy 21st birthday to my beautiful daughter Raylan thanks for the clarification dad hey well Joey there just doesn't want to confuse anybody the only thing flatter than the earth is an anti backseat AG oh that's a little dark I see you all tweeting from rumbas and smart toilets but nobody can be online level tweeted from MySpace Xai fuel canister inside my brain my neural link trying to find a doctor at an anti vaccine rally doctors zero morons 204 laws this the consensus teaching in one of those word cloud things with a virtual response thing for the question what makes water so special I submitted the word wet six hundred times what a champion of the people was late to my first Fight Club last night so I missed the intro rules still Fight Club was brilliant and I highly recommend Fight Club Josh you should have stayed for the rules that's a funny tweet do I like that that's a tenant at 10:00 tweet in high school I was dared to plague a chicken which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay okay he told us and the first one to chicken out loses the other guy and I are really stubborn and neither one of us one of the looms we've been married 14 years and we run a bed-and-breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter if that dude doesn't chicken out soon I'm gonna start to suspect that he's actually gay well congratulations on the marriage best frickin hotel ever the hotel staff cannot guarantee additional requests well I would like a picture of Johnny Utah and Bodhi from the 1991 classic Point Break to be waiting for me upon my arrival got exactly what he wanted boys go to bed nah hi oh my god you're like eight who are you are you crying I am crying why my boyfriend just broke up with me okay show me your boobs will be beter will you'll be beter show me your boobs you'll be better it baiter some white boyfriend comes home last night absolutely smashed gets undressed and then just stands there in my room so I'm like are you coming to bed he goes uh no thank you I'm sure you're lovely but I have a girlfriend and goes to sleep on the floor beautifully loyal ten out of ten calling in sick to my doctor appointment I can't come in today I'm sick wait wait but that's why you got to go to that the doctor it's actually illegal for teachers to keep the class after the balanced punishment it violates the Geneva Conventions laws on collective punishment lifehack just forget accuse your teacher of a war crime ants what I did I'm gonna miss miss Johnson every time I stay at a hotel I take a bite out of the soap bar to confuse the cleaning staff that's a bite mark all right why would you do that this is the one kid whose mom washes mouth out with soap and he liked the flavor basically I'm gonna message to this chick and I'd reckon it'd be a good idea if you lot chose the first message most liked comment decides what it is here all jerks hey Q crap in a corner I'd guard it I was tasked to reserve seats for 10:00 with kids to watch Jurassic Park is this that I that's a really interesting way to book seats I just go to the theater and paint and then whatever seats available I take it seats for ten your seats are one two three four five six seven one two three four five that's funny oh man you ruined a couple's day boring hey what do you eat pizza like this answer me coward you see it's very simple very simple I'd eat the crust for I get to the good stuff first because I get to the bad stuff first then I get to the yummy toppings - pepperoni - change - sauce you know the rest Donald Chuck destructing how he eats pizza Donald Trump deconstructing how he eats pizza is what I meant to say definitely the coolest part about Twitter is the fact you can say something creative and get 1,000 likes and then some nerd will screenshot it and post it on Reddit and get 45 thousand up votes thus getting more internet points than you yeah yeah you spoke it into reality tell me something interesting about yourself I wear Crocs during sex oh well you doing anything tonight hopefully wearing Crocs Dennis troubles are brewing when Dennis is around if she got a dog like this she a ho my grandma has a dog like this you grandma ho PS a Florida residents reminded not to open fire on Hurricane durian bullets come back don't shoot oh that's hilarious I really hope that's real me 1988 my dad calls everything by the wrong name what does he know what anything is me 2018 calling like kids mindcraft game computer Legos is way funnier than saying mind craft and it pisses our off every time my boo and I went to Six Flags the other day and we were waiting in line for a ride tell me why this dude asks for a kiss and when I do he pushes me off and yells yo chill yo my sister in front of everyone anyway he's for sale Oh on clearance - so my ex-girlfriend she's getting married and then the DJ I can't wait to play our whatsapp voice notes you hear that Jennifer hope you and your loved one have a good honeymoon I caught my friend stealing from me so I created a fake profile with his picture and real contact information and his address on a gay dating site I told guys on the site I want to take it in the butt and guys are showing up to his house constantly trying to screw and he has no idea why they say what comes around goes around but I don't know what came around for that to come back I'm gonna mispronounce this name I just want you all to be prepared when I do hidaka Kobayashi is a 51 year old Japanese man who dresses like a 15 year old - japanese schoolgirl i'd still bang what's the worst thing you ever did as a horny teenager my parents like traveling even though we don't have much we finally went to washington d.c so we wanted to spend loads of time I got super horny and I netted in the Lincoln Memorial bathroom that's exactly what the Founding Fathers created America for don't you ever feel ashamed take it from me I'm the poop machine do not heat and microwave for more than four minutes but this man lad does not heat any sort of rule any sort of expectation or any sort of guideline he goes for four minutes and one second by god it just hasn't been the same since noodles anyone okay I just bought my girl on everything I have ten minutes before she notices is there any way I can screw you I saw this post it made me very happy because it's the funniest thing I've read in like the last week and a half I just imagine the ten minutes being up and she you just hear an uproarious yell from across the house Frick I lost my iPhone again tweeted from my gameboy advance TM $19.99 there are millions of websites all hyperlink together 20:19 there are four websites each filled with screenshots of the other three I see that this photo has been cropped to hide the fact that it's a screenshot of a tweet and now it's on Instagram in the circle continues ah and now we wait and that's a soup that's not a mad lad that's a super villain this is a this is a very dangerous man glasses on or glasses off during sex and why I don't wear glasses but I do put on safety goggles before sex gonna have the proper PPE I love this man he taught me everything I knew seemed wrong if you wouldn't breast feed from a cow then you shouldn't drink their milk out of a carton either Oh keep this sexy milk stuff coming I'm horny as hell Everett Everett you're getting a call from God he said quit this immediately bro he's on that hard stuff he on that Heinz bro Harris school boy killed by a single punch after telling bouncer you'll work for me one day no smoking is good for the environment because it kills humans I just got grounded because I sent this image to my mother who smokes she just couldn't handle the truth and that's okay not everyone's prepared and ready for it this is the most Florida stuff I have ever seen mind you there's a hurricane coming and this is in a Publix go away that's how we do it in Florida baby hi just curious is it illegal to park in a mother and child Bay if you don't have any children with you a high blank we would you suggest you refer the matter to the owner of the private car park no I think I want to refer this matter to you what that calf Force Chief Tom my grandpa how to use the Internet and now I wake up to this screw y'all fresh tasted coffee your Grandpa's the funniest dude on the world wide web I love my funny Gramps what rule was made because of you men are allowed to wear business casual shorts in the office dress code didn't allow to wear shorts but did allow skirts showing up in a kilt until the rules changed that's dominance that is power I uploaded my tinder pics upside down someone girls turn their phone and swipe left it actually swipes right 200 IQ move I should start doing that thanks T whap just do it in front of me at Subway said let me get a six-inch no homo that's actually subway etiquette zakaria see when you go to sub what you had to say no homo if you say it amount of sub you want if you want a footlong say no homo 6-inch no homo it's just etiquette there I want more male friends who don't want to screw around yo you've asked me do it jiggle at least four times this week I mean do it though do it jiggle Jeff answer Brandon do it jiggle I didn't tell you Brandon I mind does Oh mine do jiggle hit me up Playboy as the oldest brother I have mastered the art of faking my dad's footsteps just to mess with my siblings he's too dangerous to be kept alive no I'd say keep him alive instill fear I applied to be on the next Bachelor but I got tired of waiting to hear back so I invited 20 of my tuna matches to the same barn I'm doing this stuff myself good luck Mike F your Disney princes Tadashi Hamada was the most boyfriend material Disney has ever produced too bad the material was highly flammable I didn't watch the movie so I don't get the joke did he did he die in a fire me as a child seven thousand six hundred eighty nine plus eight thousand nine hundred five plus eight thousand seven hundred sixty-five and I'm counting on my fingers me as an adult ten plus five technology's beautiful it's 15 and it's crazy how you more from a child to a calculator nature's just truly amazing Australian meth addict dresses up as cop and raids another drug users home that's how you get your fresh supply your sibling and just became a supervillain and you the superhero has to stop them how do you do it easy I tell mom what's the most NSFW moment you've ever experienced while at work Nicole what could climbed up a ladder without anyone spotting them freaking idiot that's not safe workplace behavior oh my god just came home to a dead chicken cook it mean it's chicken if we weren't meant to eat them God wouldn't provided so many different recipes that make them so tasty it was my pet you jerk my dad bought me those chickens hello well you're so mean you could have at least pretended to care okay I'm sorry if I are there we would get a proper funeral service perhaps something similar to a cremation at about 375 degrees while wrapped in a soothing blend of cajun seasoning and lemon juice yeah something like that we run a petting farm which also has bitey wild animals snooping nearby thought I was being a fun dad letting my son designed the shirt message to be conveyed please don't touch the wildlife him this is a big no-no around here my phone my photos my own phone wills laying down the law and this time it's it's personal I replaced a photo of my sister and Vladimir Putin before my family came over for Christmas and so far they haven't noticed yet it's how you get them in your family killing the Enderdragon with redstone just kill the Ender Dragon with a sword named red stone that's easy look at me I'm mr. genius I know the rules when your maid of honor and told you can wear anything you choose I regret nothing this song makes me want to reply to my own comment saying Foo Fighters bring out Rick Astley and Rick rolls 60,000 people at Reading Festival see I pulled a sneaky on you and that brings us to the end of our slash mad lads and if you liked the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from MK and as always I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 3,483,699

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/madlads, r/madlads top posts, r/madlads best posts, madlads, reddit mad lads, emkay madlads, emkay mad lads, mad lads, reddit insane, reddit funny, r/madlads emkay, mad lads emkay, madlads emkay, emkay

Id: x4Q7RzrkBiY

Length: 14min 14sec (854 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 08 2019