ALL OF R/FACEPALM

[Music] are you still selling the 30 inch tv no sorry i sold it a few days ago how about 200 i already sold it sorry 250 i literally do not have it then don't waste my time duty told you in the first sentence that he sold it fifty percent more than our twelve ounce oh some spicy brown mustard twelve ounces uh fifty percent more 18 wait wait how is yeah that's a good question how is 18 ounces 50 more than 12 ounces it's only like six ounces more attention the all-day breakfast is served till 11 30 a.m how dare you lie to me what if it's 4 p.m and i want waffles you're telling me i can't all day breakfast one of these days hi there thanks for responding i got her name from the profile search here on this xbox app because i was bored and looking for new people to talk to how old are you ah just give me the virus link it's effin invite.com how to avoid triggers during 4th of july fireworks if you suffer from ptsd oh my god i am so sick of these liberals getting triggered what is so offensive dog ptsd brags when he stands for the anthem yet he sits on the flag oh wait just a minute bud i stand for the national anthem oh what's this a flag hey this is the bartender from brassaurus whoever owns this phone left it in the bar and i picked it up can you tell him or her to come get their phone we close at 3am okay we'll do thanks i'm gonna tell her right now okay yo mary go get your phone it's a brass horse bar are you are you stupid tell me is all you got your whole brain up there i literally just used mary's phone to tell you that mary lost a phone and you text her phone to tell her that her phone's lost are you dumb are you simple did you go to school letting my teenage daughter shoot the ar for the first time today teach em young and teach em right couple fines 20 to 30 bullet holes in home hey yeah you didn't think that one through did you the california supreme court decided a case that could add billions in labor costs to employers bottom line by requiring them to pay employees for work time that previously went uncompensated you have to pay employees for work being framed as adding billions to labor costs is the most america thing ever you know what we say in america compensation more like you affected my bottom dollar american kids want to be youtubers and the chinese kids want to be astronauts that's because youtube's blocked in china what is going on my website it looks all wrong it was working just fine yesterday let's take a look let's take a look we download a page and check out the cut well looks like someone's gone and deleted some of the code that makes the site work yeah that was me i was getting rid of some of your unnecessary code why isn't the site working i mean i just took out the whole chunk that ranked the site run what's tell me why isn't it working i will not be forced to learn a foreign language to accommodate illegals in my country confused who's forcing him to learn any languages it's amazing how many white americans are so triggered by literally just having to hear languages they don't know he also spelled the legals wrong that patch makes you look stupid even stupider than you already are my guy i wish i was multilingual that'd be dope like imagine you go imagine if you knew every language my dude you'd be a suave charming guy no crime from 8 a.m to 6 p.m 7 p.m go ahead murder a couple people rob a bank but until then no crime [Music] maybe you want to steal candy from a baby i mean that's fine if it's at 7am but once 8am rolls around you better be uh on your best behavior bud try to hang a curtain over my front door but didn't realize what i did until i stepped back good going stupid nice job did not occur to you clearly not that this curtain rod is awfully off angle with the door you fool yo i seriously need to stop freaking smoking why lmao because i just drove to the store high as hell and walk home because i forgot i drove day five of pretending to be a dolphin trainer on tinder so far nobody else questioned how i train a saltwater mammal in missouri 200 iq what's the dumbest thing you've ever heard i drive for uber on the weekends and one time a girl who was in her late 20s told me that i was making her uncomfortable i haven't said a word the whole trip so i asked how i could make the situation better she said she didn't like how i kept quote playing with the fidget stick in the middle of my car i drive a manual she then told me that i didn't need to use that because quote her car didn't have that and claimed to be a mechanic i then kicked her out of my car go home you drunk bruh where are you i left early sorry i couldn't stay longer wtf where are you going i'm going home are you kidding me come back you're drunk don't worry i called an uber we drank at your place oh where am i going elk city is a bird sanctuary kfc yeah that's a yummy sanctuary everyone's making these jokes about their jobs but i actually have a good job that would sound good when described i started my own company when i graduated from oxford and it's going pretty well to be honest 45 employees including my girlfriend i had to give her a job but she's not really bright so i gave her minimum salary down voting for what jealousy come on reddit you're better than this nah you get downvoted dog ew i start this job tomorrow i got fired over twitter maybe you shouldn't have tweeted about your job idiot prom 1994 in 2019 like father like son this is so fake pools were a thing in 94. that has to be the dumbest thing you've ever said i i would almost admire your stupidity if it didn't make me feel stupider for having heard it is it cold out there will i be freezing my butt off lol no it's really nice oh would you like to visit again though around southeast alaska it barely ever gets below freezing celsius or fahrenheit lol both dude freezing is freezing we have signed g isaiah williams source us we are the baltimore ravens official account we signed him a guy says he was questioned on a plane for doing math during a flight a woman sitting next to the ivy league economist told flight crew she had security concerns about the man after seeing him write in a foreign script it turned out to be a differential equation yeah yeah about them differential equations idiot at the gym i said subscription instead of membership and the girl replied with lol this isn't a pharmacy bro that's a perscription we're both stupid did you know in 1997 14 year old nathan zoner got 43 out of 59th graders to vote in favor of banning dihydrogen monoxide also known as water the hoax was a science fair project which he titled how gullible are we he not only won the science fair but also inspired the term zonerism defined as the use of a fact to lead a scientifically ignorant public to a false conclusion that's dope that's solid my man's playing mind games giant hornets kill 42 people in china then we should have the hong kong wait a minute that's south america that's not hong kong there's no i in happiness there is this you freaking spell it right idiot this really is the ultimate are you kidding me image did you get him a confederate dream cat what the hell man my mother-in-law keeps complaining that her kindle wouldn't charge uh idiot idiot idiot idiot that's adorable all right what's going on here kiss up not even close her clock is upside down i can't read roman numerals without to take your word on that buddy lebron james jr won't wear his dad's number because he quote doesn't want people to know who he is coming in number four lebron james jr hey yo bro who that guy is l-m-a-o did i tell you all about the white dude at my school who apparently learned japanese for the girl he liked but the girl he liked was chinese you win some you lose some dude he he took time to learn a language though and that's what's important aquaman drowns in end game repeated like 900 times i hate you i wanted to watch the movie it's a joke it's not true oh my god i'm dying it's aquaman he can't drown also he isn't a marvel oh my god i'm an idiot without you 60 minutes feels like one hour oh i love you don't tell her imagine falling in love with someone just to find out they watch netflix with subtitles i'm convinced people who don't like subtitles can't read fast yesterday i went undercover at kent state asked students what they think about blank the kent state gun girl surprisingly no one recognized me until i took the glasses off you're not undercover if no one knows who you are in the first place him this piece is called old people using the wrong crying emoji how about your mom thank you for the prayers my mom leaving us from this world soon laughing till i'm crying emoji i'm so sorry about that she passed away at 6am today [Laughter] blank there's something i don't understand how i eat this and what the quantity of a teaspoon as it is not liquid maybe i should mix with water or something remove the cotton there are pills under it yesterday i ate the cotton you what pakistani official post video of airplane colliding with tanker turns out it was from gta 5. narrow escape of an aircraft which could have ended in a great disaster miraculous saved by the pilot's presence of mind you idiot my point was that the plague disappeared without a vaccine yeah because people died you uneducated potato private prison threatens to close unless state or federal officials fill up 300 more beds in any sane country having to shut down a prison due to the lack of criminals would be a success but supply creates its own demand again r slash whoosh very cool you use reddit i actually don't it's a term used on instagram accounts regularly but anyway you're boring so i'm just going to ignore you now you're not just wrong you're stupid remember hello it's jon and i the remba boys have you remembered today repeat after me retinol one more time retinol free rectal photography with every eye test oh boy oh boy russian president vladimir putin calls trans people transformers people are ferocious cat star francesca hayward has white fur ivanka trump mocked for giving all white dog to her daughter guys i can't believe i need to say this but animals with white fur are not the white people of animals they're just animals i can't believe that dog got white fur he's a supremacist happy second birthday not suitable for children under three years of age my son sam drew this for me today i love him so much he is my annie vaxx boy law you let the shutterstock image on it no he he wrote that please don't get on here spoiling the lion king before we get to see it at least wait until after the weekend is over how do you spoil a movie that's been out since 94. dude what is your street name lil marco you live on a street called lo marco oh you met my address a tree holding up the sun that's so weird looking sun dog [Laughter] walton forest council worker slapped stuart gosling with a 300 pound fine in northeast london for keeping snack wrappers in his van because he doesn't have a license to carry waste that that's so nutty are you kidding me expectations oh get it bro some burpees get him yeah reality all right girls get the burpees oh the tag teamed you operation acoustic kitty cia spent 15 million dollars on this project the cat was meant to walk up to soviets and spy on them first field experiment ended immediately when the cat got hit by a taxi and died microphone inside ear canal antenna wire long spine transmitter and power smh not a good look not a good move in the 1980s a w tried to compete with mcdonald's quarter pounder by selling a third pound burger at a lower cost the product failed because more customers thought one in the quarter pound was bigger it's all in the numbers game bro girl at restaurant are you tony hawk me yes her why i had no idea how to answer i don't know if she's looking for an apology or an explanation but now she knows that you are indeed tony hawk there are two types of people in this world those who can extrapolate for incomplete data so two of my classmates just asked a professor if his shirt is missing a second part i don't get it i don't get the joke was being responsible and didn't drive home after happy hour last night came back to pick up my car and into a freaking farmer's market the setup around your car unpopular opinion white people love dogs so much because deep down they miss owning slaves they love the owner and master dynamic desperate for something to control is my man in the olympics because he could get in hurdles for how much he jumps to conclusions i love it it doesn't work that way [Music] [Laughter] you gotta applaud them for trying my sister 11 thinks that world war ii happened in 2003. not as bad as the girl in my ninth grade history class that thought england shared a northern border with the united states and that korea was the capital of japan how are you that dumb mystery deepens as two countries with vastly different approaches to healthcare and governmental supports have vastly different success rates at fighting a disease without politicians who would water trees in the rain i'm confident if you can do home depot if you can do walmart if you can do these things we absolutely can do the schools i don't always go to home depot but when i do i tend not to go for five days in a row for seven hours at a time english pub installs electric fence to stop gathering at the bar is there anything more depressing than left-wing architecture homelessness wow well that's one way to do it my dude or you could buy a three dollar mask from target and save yourself the trouble what color should i paint my wheels for the strip this year why didn't you just take off the freaking wheels nigeria's anti-corruption boss arrested for corruption now that's a headline you can't pay for has anyone lost a dog near blank road ginger and white i think it's some sort of husky looks really skinny poor thing remember that members of congress are real people with families who like pizza and make bad jokes and love their dogs yeah but the majority of them are trying to kill my mom bury my generation in debt and prevent my friends from using the [ __ ] bathroom you forfeit your humanity when you try to take away mine you can tell they vaccinated that kid damn bro you got your education from youtube tutorials or what the kid has trisomy 21 also known as down syndrome which is a genetic disorder that has nothing to do with vaccines it develops due to a failure of the 21st chromosome to separate during egg or sperm development this affects the zygote which means the kid vaccinated or not was unfortunately destined to be born this way i'm scared that my 15 year old will get her nose pierced when she turns 18. i don't want her to mess her life up how do i convince her not to do it can you set something straight here on a previous post from roughly an hour ago you claim to be a 14 year old and in other posts from april you also had a 12 year old daughter you're 14 with a 15 year old and a 12 year old please stop man people go crazy for the karma in witness whereof this declaration of trust has been now as shut up this is calibri a font that was introduced in 2007. the document is dated 2006 1961 buick flamingo with rotating front seat imagine your mom having this when you were younger she could just do a 360 and beat your ass okay well a 360 you know what never mind don't worry about it top five countries you visited california north carolina south carolina minnesota arizona come on this is where americans can travel now is there like an imaginary line that thinks they can stop us so wait you support illegal immigration now i like this imaginary line implying he can somehow take his stupid ass on a little boat from the u.s over to the uk if he so chose yeah bo you do you see what happens you can't just win every argument by being too dumb to argue with says you i think the world is finally coming to terms with willful stupidity quarantine in europe quarantine in the usa i need a haircut just saying if there's a protester out there that has a sign that's supporting racial equality and you think you're doing the same thing by walking around town with a sign that says you need a haircut maybe you're not quite on the track you think you are noah lyle smashes bolt's 200-meter record then discovers he only ran 185 meters lyle's 18.90 second appeared to break bolt's 19.19 world record oh man that would suck honestly though if he came that close i'm sure he'll smash that record for real in no time i'm not racist but same-sex marriage should be between a man and a woman not racist same-sex marriage between a man and a woman guys a new shipment of masks has arrived beautiful and super comfortable allows breath much easier in addition to the delicacy and femininity that this tool mask brings to the female face you can order girls now people who leave their phone set to military time or freaking war criminals how do you look at 1605 and go wow i can understand that freaking bootlickers what's next you gonna join the army recruit me americans be like okay i can't count past 12 actually kind of messed up that middle schools would host field trips that were like four thousand dollars to dc or whatever and all the poor kids just couldn't go literally crap costs money flights are expensive hotels are expensive and you really think all that should have been just handed out nothing is free i didn't get to do anything like that when i was a kid and now i'm 18 working 40 hours a week to have a good life is this you oh kashab yo also in middle school i actually got to take the washington dc new york trip because my mom pulled out a loan to allow me to do it and i got to say it was an incredible experience and thank you mom for doing that for me because it was like three thousand dollars we didn't have also you know what's even more insulting when the schools would sell you coupon cards for five dollars and then tell you to go and sell them for ten dollars thinking that you'll be able to make your three thousand dollar bill before the trip happens in two weeks i can't believe the school's on fire thank god we got all the kids out in time well we better get the kids back in there but the fire's only gotten worse sure but consider how much it costs to keep them out here a homeless man held up and robbed a bank for a dollar then sat down and waited for the police to come and arrest him so he could receive health care in prison yeah i've only got about a year left on my parents health care and then when it's gone i'm screwed good god this video is not funny at all it's just depressing dude kate hudson i'm raising my daughter genderless we still don't know what she's going to identify as kate come on come on kate i swear someone needs to invent socks for our hands my hands are always cold we have something called gloves no stupid like socks for our hands mittens i saw a job post the other day that required four plus years of experience in fast api i couldn't apply as i've only got 1.5 plus years of experience since i created it maybe it's time to re-evaluate that years of experience equals skill level a year ago i left kurdistan with food poisoning and a new nose kurdistan isn't a real country lmfao i would like to know where in her tweet she mentioned it was a country by saying you came back slash from kurdistan is implying it's a country lmfao reading went over your head too love i just came back from walmart does that make walmart a country well they've got enough money to be favorite sex position oh mine it's called the virgin you stand there with your legs closed shut waiting for the right person to come along weren't you pregnant yeah so oh wait she said next right person ah ooh a woman who marries herself then cheats on herself blames it on men okay you never see the all lives matter people respond to the blue lives matter movement with their slogan it's only a response to black lives matter oh come on we all know damn well why all lives matter is only a response to black lives matter we know why mcdonald's needs to chill mccafe come inside me next time oh oh no no no mcdonald's slow down there are plenty of good cops what about this one she stopped another cop from choking out a guy this one spoke out against racism and this one had evidence of departmental theft and corruption and what happened to them um fired demoted and harassed into quitting and mysteriously murdered by his own gun the night before his testimony respectively so the only good cops aren't cops anymore my mom who is a boomer in age and in mentality just threw away all of our hand sanitizer because one online news article saying it was toxic she found on facebook and i was the one who spent thirty dollars on all of the bottles my reaction oh that's a tough break can you get a new mom notice if you come on my property i'll beat you off hey yo what's your address microwaved this foil ball for three minutes and this is the result motherfreaker tech repair client did this to combat overheating well did it work when steve jobs died he left a quiz that is 97 accurate at predicting your iq only albert einstein has been able to ace it have what it takes take the iq quiznet try the quiz find out you know albert e albert einstein he was like steve this quiz ain't no match for me i got a big brain and i'm not afraid to use it i'm not afraid to use that big brain of mine to solve your silly quiz steve steven jobs is like 100 degrees in my room so i am sweating my life away it is disgusting you saw a woman arrested for claiming her husband killed her it took me a hot second to realize what exactly that implied like i had to read it twice in my head uh i wonder what that phone call was like that 9-1-1 call you know 9-1-1 what's your emergency my uh my husband has killed me i'm currently dead on the floor ma'am how are you speaking to us what how am i uh i'm a ghost it's me casper calling from the afterlife on quora if god didn't exist how do anthis explain that cell phones and computers can successfully recognize and connect the wi-fi networks without any wire or cable despite being unconscious machines you know that's a that's a good question i don't have an answer for that one checkmate atheists ah welcome welcome will common au revoir that means goodbye that's the wrong one does it mean goodbye no no i'm a dumb man a great white shark egg all memes aside that's dope as hell i love that it is a mammal it gives birth to live babies not in eggs uh the great white shark is oh that's a that's a word that that is a word oh boy the great white shark is ovifiparus which means that the shark grows in an egg which is then hatched inside the mother shortly thereafter the shark pup is born while in the womb great white shark embryos feast on unfertilized eggs a practice known as who foggy uh sharks are fish hello we are texting you to inform you that you have overdrawn your account your current balance is negative 1056 pounds and 99 cents please resolve this quickly followed by hello alec it appears we've contacted the wrong account holder we apologize for the confusion and alec poor alec he goes uh i freaking crap myself you and i both now like i did it for you don't worry before and after listen that before pick don't worry about it the skin stupid smooth the face looks like it applied on a liquid filter don't even worry about it it's a real photo it's a real photo my little brother tried to do the toothpaste on me but he used blue toothpaste [Laughter] nice going stupid they tried to blur his face out they tried hard but if you just look in the window uh you missed the spot and in the door idiot that's the brazilian institute for oriental studies or as we like to call it getting piped college oh my god i just read that china is 12 hours ahead of america why didn't he warn them about 9 11. that's some bull crap screw you chyna like three billion people died hex hey the team in the name is silent guys because she's a [ __ ] one star rating on a scrabble type game where proper pronouns are not allowed not for christians would not accept the word christ that was an automatic delete and one star for me no god in my game no go i don't want no game where they don't accept my christian word christ they didn't accept that word and therefore i'm very angry oh yes it's the class of 2015 otherwise known as 2oiv it's not how you say 2015. whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa are you kidding me hey kids let's go to the mall and see the hanging clothes this will be you if you don't start acting right so the man hung is uh his heat on the back of his car and wrote come and take it and wealthy came and took it can you guys hear that hey stop all your lawnmower and i got a funny subreddit to read cops bragging burglars get a result after posting video of cash they stole i've seen stuff like this before where people start flexing stuff they steal and the cops are like hmm thanks for the tip it's always pretty funny so my wife grilled corn tonight for two and a half hours she said here eat your lava rock i'm divorcing you and taking the kids how satisfied are you with our coverage quality coverage reliability speed in your area on a scale of five very satisfied so what very dissatisfied one your message failed to send stupid give us a five or else someone decided to drain a deep fryer into a plastic bucket and that's just about what you'd expect i used to work in a restaurant my family used to own one and that's the biggest no-no of them all and why didn't you wait till the friar that cooled a little bit too you get it while it was smoking hot it's gonna burn you either way idiot stupid dum-dum look at that sludge you disgust me man circumcised by mistake at leak esta hospital gets 20 000 pound compensation but it'll never get back his foreskin the hospital took it for their own purposes the local nhs trust says it is deeply and genuinely sorry [Laughter] [Music] oh that's great everyone shut the hell up i got accepted for a nasa internship language suck my dong and balls i'm working at nasa and i am on the national space council that oversees nasa grow loses nasa internship after insulting engineer homer hickam i i love he's like just one word language stern strong authoritative if vaccines were healthy you could put it on a spoon and eat it try it you'll die if broccoli was healthy you could put it in a syringe injected into your bloodstream try it you'll die if oxygen was healthy you could put it in a syringe and eject it try it you'll die that's not how that works buddy just curious do those who choose not to vaccinate at all still vaccinate your animals i do there are preventable diseases i don't want my dog to get my kids though [Music] i can make more of those i can always make more kids but dogs those are one in a million and they are they really are who is your favorite north american hip-hop artist j cole jay-z drake or other tag them north american drake is from canada it's up north but uh not america by the way i never graduated the fifth grade and typical self-absorbed prius driver fashion this lady cut me off went 10 miles under the speed limit and didn't notice the signal light changed until the last second she slammed on it brakes overshot the stop here on redmock and when the ball came down it went to the open passenger's window and smacked the passenger on the head i about freaking died it's what you get for being an idiot idiot people are donating money to kylie jenner to help her become the world's youngest female billionaire it's official we are the dumbest civilization ever give ourselves a round of applause i mean really it takes a lot of brain cells to die to get us to this point and i couldn't be prouder of this community the daily wire called patent oswald a supposed comedian all's what responded with guys if you're gonna write an article about me being a failed comedian maybe don't use a pick of me holding up the mei one for doing comedy pat and oswalt round of applause i love this man i love that guy girl what the position i just texted my number neighbor and fake sorry it's okay it's all right it's okay the mtv awards are completely genderless so there's no separation when it comes to talent also we're thrilled that four out of five nominees in the next category are women so make up your mind which is it gluten free chocolate chip cookie this product contains contains gluten so you're lying to me bud what is the gluten coming a little separate packet it's in the cookie isn't it i'm gonna eat that cookie i'm gonna taste that gluten you jam-packed it with gluten didn't you yo how many likes for you guys to put spongebob on netflix 1 million likes and we'll do it wait oh my god it's a deal it reached 1.3 mil but let me ask you something is spongebob on netflix no it's not and it never will be us citizen held as undocumented immigrant says conditions inhumane if they don't like the conditions they can always leave and go home better it don't sneak in and come to america the right way all right i didn't read it get her done i didn't mean to trash larry the cable guy fans but it felt right to say hello hi send me pig oink i mean your pigs five oinks no man you're a full body pig and that's an oink okay i'm tired of answering this question cheating is never funny please stop laughing about it liking a girl's meme more than once is cheating i don't care please stop laughing at this i've never been so freaking hurt and i've never felt so betrayed my entire life if you're in a relationship and you like other people's memes you are cheating once can be justified but i went on the girl's account every meme i came across he just happened to react that's not okay i have memes i post memes you don't need to react another girl's memes and yes i am single now i posted a funny goose to me and he didn't like it but she posted a bad luck brian and he put a loved it he's practically banging her 2019 alpha something omega recruitment executive do not tell this is an illegal parking job but wait i'm a recruitment exec oh crap never mind oh it's a sorority house you idiot oh wait i'm the idiot it's less funny now i don't like feeling dumb imagine knowing a guy that can solve all your financial problems without asking for banging his name is employment getting drunk is never an excuse she's your daughter not your date i'm sorry is this a real billboard i have an interview for a job tomorrow and the supervisor texted me is this montana no this is patrick hello mio jk yeah it's me who dis dominique from dr reddy's office oh i'm so sorry yes this montana no this is patrick have you ever noticed the popularity of white robots the reason for these shades of technological white may be racism according to new research now imagine spray painting the robots black cnn headline becomes owning black robots may be a sign of being pro-slavery the car isn't working and there's a picture of a guy taking a crap at the monitor wait what no it's negative four degrees you idiot we're getting divorced notice this is a drug-free workplace this company has a zero-tolerance policy regarding the use of drugs or alcohol on the job let's keep it that way i i don't i don't get the i don't get the joke on this one here what's gads hold on is get what what is gads why is this funny i don't i don't get it wait a minute i'm an idiot this is a work free drug place [Laughter] uh i'm stupid insert title that relates to this meme friend you can't hear links me what link is this i'll give you a hint with one word rick rick and morty oh you innocent soul go ahead click the link you're absolutely correct it's an episode of rick and morty new nickelodeon toy it's patrick starr yeah no no it isn't how bad is the flooding on the cove road near jason's house call jason and ask is he wrong five minutes to take off spice is a hoax so true anyone who doubts this find one picture of the earth or any planet that's not cgi just one there aren't any any rocket that has been launched makes a huge arch back to earth lands in the ocean because the firmament keeps us from going to outer space what's this firmament thing i have not heard of this until just now also hey dummy mcdum-dum maybe it's because the earth is rotating as it lifts up so it's not going to be going fully straight up at age 25 others want to get married and have kids but i want my parents in the backseat of my audi this is audi r8 and there is no backseat in this car it's a two seater car also fun fact that cars are a terrible investment they lose about 80 of their worth the moment they drive off the lot which by the very logic you're just ripping yourself off and muzzled by a second-hand car that's maybe only a few years old this has been life advice with jack next week we talk about how to legally do tax evasion cheap gaming laptop oh look there's one for one cent that is legit absolutely see there you go save your money from buying a car and buy a one cent gaming laptop man tries to pawn stolen jewelry at a shop the shop was managed by the woman he stole from and so kids that's how i met your mother i stole her jewelry but she stole my heart the things you can do if you choose the bus plan the perfect murder wait what tn man says google maps creating problems in his marital life files complaint a 49 year old man in tamil nadu has said he's getting into trouble with his wife because google maps allegedly shows him at places he's never visited we can see where this is going in his complaint to the police my wife scans your timeline feature and doesn't let me sleep as she questions where i was he added his wife believes google over anything else look dude if you have an issue with your relationship where you need to go to places to get away from the wife or you know other reasons maybe suck it up and address that with her instead of just hiding away about it all and then you can address her issues of being such a hawk over your life what's the most useless map ever made my son was given this a color in primary school i used to make maps so i kept it as it amused me at first glance it looks fine and you don't notice one of the continents is in the wrong place if you can't see it well try and point to the mediterranean yeah try pointing to like iceland or greenland or even new zealand in general this fake seat belt t-shirt helps deter that ticket my older brother once ate a vanilla scented candle all of my family members called him stupid but not me i stood up for him telling everyone that the candle smelled good and it can happen to anyone i felt really dumb after hearing that the candle he ate was lit on fire to get rid of all the bats in my attic should i buy 100 snakes and put them in my attic you should buy one snake and swing it around like a whip this isn't an rpg it doesn't work like that man super glues butthole clothes then drinks laxatives oh my god this is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object live voice translator brow meow i'm hungry feed me it's totally legit the 4.3 stars are from all the developers i wasn't raised in the hood but i know a thing or two about pain and darkness yes you do middle class white boy yes you do open this new package of ice cream cones and there were only 11. jeez what is with the packaging design do you need to use any more plastic hey youtube maybe don't put ads before first aid vids i don't have time to watch a red lobster red when my gran is choking on a fishbone fool there is always time for red lobster strange but seems correct happy birthday today every person in the whole world is the same age today is a very special day there's only one chance every 1 000 years your age this year plus your year of birth the total for every person is 20 20. it's so strange that even experts can't explain it you figure it out and see if it's 20 20. it's a thousand year wait take a shot let everyone calculate it lord sugar you are a basic idiot yes you are psychological trick to get millions of views on your videos less than 2 000 views how's that psychological trick working out for you mate i'm selling my ps4 camera for 43 dollars it's secondhand even though i bought it for 40. man running from cops stops to pet cats goes to jail hey the dude's got priorities and i respect it i found this photo originally in a broken frame on the ground near the corner of road and somewhere else if anyone knows the person this belongs to let me know oh i know these two they take me way back when i was in high school i remember these guys are the best anyway back to the future for me and i gotta keep in the present oh after work this man on my last nerve babe can we break up for like 25 minutes so i can listen to this weekend album from a different perspective or is that out of pocket ugh and women say they want men to be more emotional yet here she is just dismissing him of his emotional expression this dude is handling 16 wieners at one time just like your mom uh thanks man oh my g what were you trying to achieve what were you trying to achieve can i have the 24th of june off write it in the request off book okay where's that at work thanks majority ethnic groups by province in spain credits to whom it may concern that's france not spain why is everyone getting spain mixed up with other countries like first italy now france who's next this is land by the colorado kansas border from a plane pretty cool i have no idea how or why it looks like this it's called farming you know that basic thing we've done since the start of society meanwhile in the most scientific of communities okay explain this to me you clever motherflippers when in water you let all your breath out and you sink but wait you hold your breath and you float how does gravity do that stuff huh come on globers educate me what breed of dog is this are you stupid you just embarrassed yourself by asking this no how can you think that this is a dog you clearly look stupid asking this it's hurting my brain and in regards to internet culture you look stupid sir top reviews one star too many chemicals to be natural unfortunately this range of products have too many ingredients that i can't pronounce the names of ten bucks that this person is also slightly racist just because they can't pronounce some people's names for me this means the products contain chemicals therefore not natural oh there it is for me by my assumption this is therefore invalid where does sodium benzoate benzoic benzoate benzoate derive from and that is just one of the ingredients that shouldn't be used in a natural product i won't be using this and i will not be buying faith by nature products again but if i call bts asian i'm racist right no because they are literally asian you're so dumb actually they're korean good job i can someone in the education system please explain how the frick mike cunardo was supposed to learn his colors probably butchered that spanish word there but hey apparently no one understands spain or where it comes from so what's new christian bale gains 450 000 pounds to play sand worm in june couldn't they just use puppets or effects or anything else oh oh you innocent soul dear god please give us back freddie mercury and we will give you justin bieber god doesn't want justin bieber satan doesn't want him no one wants justin bieber why the frick did you capitalize bieber are you a belieber or what well guess what your cover has been blown stupid beliebers trying to save her where is this argument even going what are they arguing about what's this pimple or molex spot on my dog just took her to her annual and they didn't notice it or it's normal there is one lower on her abdomen too that seems to itch or bother her judging by your hands you seem to be a woman i feel like you'd know though i mean even if you're a guy you should have some fair idea boys let black widow bite them in hopes of turning into spider-man oh no we call them red back spiders in australia because like australian intellect we're simple bought a tattoo kit today can't wait to start tattooing really whoa yep i love to draw and write might as well put it to work oh no slightly different levels of artistry required there lock your cars vehicle theft spikes that i don't think locking your car is going to stop that from happening teach your children to chase waterfalls not wi-fi yeah because we all have waterfalls in our backyards jayla those two look nothing alike in my opinion but it's the same ship yes so what where's the top cylinder things not there in the other photo are they huh it's fake in the news yesterday two dutch children age 11 were playing with this rock they found at a construction site near their house throwing it at each other it was a mortar shelf from world war ii still active and after being contacted by the children's uncle authorities had to do a controlled demolition to safely dispose of it that could have had a much worse ending aussie wife is slammed for packing her husband's lunch stop treating him like your child your wife packs you lunch like a child yes yes silly woman how dare she choose to let him let her choose what he gets to eat as part of his healthy diet i as someone who gorge ten dollars on two large fries and 18 chicken nuggets can definitely judge the healthy synergy these two are creating as a couple ha silly wife is bad and husband sexist here's a pic of my thermometer from the last time i was sick in case anyone needs an excuse to get out of work oh someone used it but they didn't get rid of the caption cut cupboard i'm sick oh but that's not what this post is about funny that's a pregnancy test what yeah the eyes have it uh ups i think it's time for you to do a collection these face masks come with a straw hole for sipping cocktails these condoms come with a hole to pee through thank you capitalism jason derulo knocks out two front teeth doing corn on the cob challenge wait really oh my god this is actually legit they stand taboo though true or false scientists have been able to develop completely safe methods for disposing of radioactive waste and this is why you always just read ahead to see if there's a clue on the answer scientists are still searching for methods that will provide safe permanent disposal of radioactive wastes this is likely how they would have done the magic carpet ride in aladdin if cgi wasn't invented florida man kidnapped scientists to make his dog immortal florida i'm not saying he was right i'm just saying i get it yeah no i can agree to that statement just got my real man tat manual is better leaving you automatic pees in the dust okay maybe it's not the same in america but i'm pretty sure the reverse is meant to be where the sixth gear is on that tattoo hell do anything but like extreme sports cars even have a sixth gear black clover did you mean by egg clover 13 minutes of life hacks at this point i don't even know if i'm breathing correctly you know an alternative to that method in the video is to simply not put it all in straight away at once do it by bit by bit i mean come on it's common sense no longer 65 pence 64. is that even a deal i don't know the currency there is the one that big of a difference refrigerator 200 it works but it doesn't cool or freeze ah so you're selling a white cupboard apparently our chair is yellow no it's not the base plastic is yellow you stripped off the decorative wood grain finish designed to make it look like teak and expose the plastic this is not a good thing to do ah your attempt to have some fun with a pressure washer is instead cause you to lower the value of your chairs genuine fake watches you can't put those two words in the same sentence when describing something unless you say they're genuinely fake that god still works large squirrels aggressively harassing dogs anyone else have a problem with these oversized jerks harassing our poor puppies from trees they chirp and wine and throw seeds at the dogs this one was caught doing so in broad daylight while the neighborhood crows egged him on rude yeah that's one sneaky looking possum i'll tell you what also does this person live in some children's book reality while the animals have personalities what's this about the crows egging them on ran the 5k in 10 minutes training is going good the world record is 12 minutes i don't know what the 5k is but i look at rob he's beefed up i would believe him wait crap i think i by accident took your phone with me oh whoa what you know how i took it out of your hand i think i still have it i'm searching my bag hold on jen yeah i'm texting you wait oh my god i'm so dumb i can't jen jen jen you're an idiot they always trying to take photos of me a lol he caught me off guard with this one people need to stop saying i took the photo my husband is white and that's why you can't see his shadow i'm not a liar you got a gentleman trying to put his carry-on in i don't think the way you're putting that in looks awfully inefficient though shouldn't that like go in sideways i would reckon you're already having a bit of an issue here huh you're gonna get some help okay there we go and attendance coming to help you out trying to explain the problem can't get the bag in put it in sideways yeah see there you go there you go nice work guy when jk rowling was on her deathbed she proclaimed that each of the harry potter houses is assigned based on actual qualities that characters have have you ever wondered which harry potter house you are in click the link in my bio to find out but jk rowling's not dead tweets i'm bored i'm chalk we should get together bored like i don't have anything to do not bored like a chalkboard learn to spell check god i hope you don't breed do you find it difficult to talk to hospital staff there is a book that may help you please ask staff for a cop that [Laughter] how tf did not realize is hung up sideway homegirl looked like she snatched the baby and flew away she's superwoman this man is a real hero he is a firefighter who saved several kids from a burning school but sadly he suffered severe burns on his face type amen to help this hero recover fast god is great hallelujah and everyone in the replies just has never watched a movie that's not a that's just two-face it's two-faced harvey dent and we can't trust him guy approaches me while standing in line at coffee shop in cancun my friend says you're a famous person is that true that depends on your definition of fame will you show up on google if i search your name yes him typing in a phone you are tony stark close enough so what are you doing so i had to watch this once over to really understand what's going on so she's trying to twerk with the carter open but they're in a car wash and then the car door just gets caught along the side and they start panicking like crazy that you're just an idiot you're dumb you're you're stupid now you got a broken car door and a car wash that's spraying water all the inside of your car is that what you get for shaking your butt around like a like a fool in the car wash pakistan's ruling party shared a government live on facebook but accidentally added a cat filter onto it this was the result i think all government meetings should be held like this this is great meanwhile in chernobyl instagram influencers flocking to the site of the disaster they're all gonna suffer as a result every single one of these instagram influencers are they're they're they're asking for for some sort of radiation uh oh the no chew deterrent got chewed on looks like it wasn't deterring anything isn't that silly so if dinosaur bones have been kept untouched for millions of years underground that are in such great condition why do museums need plaster and wires to keep them together did the dinosaurs also need plaster and wire your bones wouldn't stick together on form if your flesh was gone do you have proof of that claim just heard a american refer to the democratic republic of congo as drc imagine being a dictator and naming your country a name so long you have to make it an acronym lol what country do you live in i live in the usa playing video games i'm such a nerd xd hey are you excited for e3 what's e3 it's like a once a year event where everyone shows off new games sounds stupid oh okay stop commenting just wow when you leave one earbud in another country [Laughter] no i wish we could choose our baby fathers someone come tell her before i do because i'm a hurt her feeling [Applause] why is there no flatmar society hi elon thanks for the question unlike the earth mars has been observed to be round we hope you have a fantastic day why are all your models skinny white people like the dude on the couch yeah me undies why are all your models skinny white people we're going to disney and i have no idea because i can't read yet in 10 or 11 years when she gets the joke she's gonna love this how long do you think it takes a child to learn how to read this guy used a lifeline for this equal to roughly 764 watts what animal based unit is used to measure the rate at which work is done horsepower donkey strength llama thrust or zebra force slabs roof of car this baby has the thrust of 340 llamas under the hood damn dr philip benzel found an 81 cancer cure rate using liquid lateral and apricot seeds when he ordered this the fda tried to block the import of liquid lateral in the united states of course the pharmaceutical companies just want to make more money it was banned because ingesting it causes cyanide poisoning lmao wtf facts give me a hot fact london has more indian restaurants than mumbai or delhi that's because in mumbai delhi that just called restaurants that isn't racism it's just spanish really disappointed that maybelline would name a black eyeliner in 2019 more reasons to get that hashtag fenty yo she's online bro what should i do send nudes you first send it to her freaking idiot so this mixed kid got a tattoo of the oreo bar code on his wrist what does it matter that this guy is mixed race you could have just written this kid like his freaking skin killer matters jerk his biracial ethnicity is probably the point of the oreo tattoo joke jerk why don't they just make wheelchairs with pedals so when your arms get tired you can just pedal to go and it's spongebob in a puddle a tax may be put on violent video games to help prevent oh look the government found a way to profit off school sickest him took them a while i've been in seven car accidents this year you all can't tell me god doesn't have a plan for me girl it sounds like you're trying to kill you customer said i'm inappropriate because your nipples are showing through your shirt but it was from my overalls but okay no job is so simple that it cannot be done wrong like printing something onto the back of an industrial fortune cookie love it love it love it love it trump is the first world leader in the history of the world to be attacked for improving the lives of the citizens that voted for him lincoln was literally shot in the head for ending slavery snape is all grey you can't make him a saint he was vindictive and bullying you can't make him a devil he died to save the wizarding world now he died to clear his conscience you know she wrote the books right i don't know what's going on here but that doesn't look right sony microsoft and nintendo have written a joint letter to oppose proposed tariffs from the trump administration tariffs on video game consoles are currently set to increase by 25 percent 90 of video game consoles imported to the us were from china of course they would sign it the japanese companies the usa is currently being screwed in trade wars but no more trump is standing up for america ah microsoft my favorite japanese company bill gates sama if you are white you can't speak spanish are you familiar with the entire country of spain top critical review one star i tried to download it but it did not work because i did not have enough storage on my tablet so you get one star when you feel your clothes fresh out of the oven ah okay so i realized i used oven instead of dishwasher but i kind of forgot what it was called and use the next best guess i could think of it's called a washing machine i think at the dryer who would be feeling wet a clothes this post is a freaking train wreck what is the dumbest thing you've ever heard i drive for uber on the weekends and one time a girl who was in her late 20s told me that i was making her uncomfortable i haven't said a word the whole trip so i asked how i could make the situation better she said she didn't like how i kept playing with the fidget stick in the middle of my car i drive a manual she then told me that i didn't need to use that because her car didn't have that and claimed to be a mechanic u.s man stages one dollar bank robbery to get state health care unemployed and without health insurance man in north carolina has himself arrested in order to receive treatment but well that's sad the fact that he had to do that that's sucky that's the story i feel bad vaccine research anti-vaxx research this is such a sexist meme i know i'm a male and i do just as much toilet research to try and protect my child around that time boston doctor emmanuel pfeiffer declared that healthy people were not at risk from smallpox to prove his point he visited a hospital on gallup's island in boston harbor where infected patients were being quarantined he caught the virus and nearly died but continued to oppose vaccines you idiot you deserved the death jeez family unhappy after walmart graduation cake turns out to be styrofoam [Laughter] i'm very sad i was at the hospital just now why my cousin is not able to walk or talk oh my i'm sorry to hear that he was born a few hours ago i told my students to include the word count in your essays english one is two one three of four nice pog champ love it sometimes realism sometimes doodles nice yup have you ever been out of the country yeah only twice where'd you go once i went to north carolina and another i went to florida both out of the country and that brings us to the end of our slash face poem and if you liked the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from mk and until next time i'll be seeing you [Music] you

Channel: EmKay

Views: 850,691

Rating: 4.9176006 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes

Id: YdU3cb45XKw

Length: 54min 7sec (3247 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 06 2021