THE BEST OF r/CURSEDCOMMENTS

[Music] family loses everything in a fire except a bible seems a little passive aggressive if you god allows your house to burn down and leaves his business card give me a call anytime cutting people's earphones then giving them airpods that was epic cutting off the cutting off their legs then buying them a wheelchair the last thing you ate is what you have to name them granddad's ashes hey hold up hold up what hey travis a shower is like a mini controllable storm and if you throw in a toaster you get lightning oh oh dear friend it's a short trip pack only what you need me my dog yeah snacks are important [Laughter] people who sleep naked don't have any fear of emergencies well i sleep naked but it's more of a defense mechanism if someone breaks into the house all just running them naked and screaming i'm sure they won't want to see that you know i keep a jar of pig's blood in case of break-ins i pour it all over myself and creep around while giggling in a whisper sweet lord hey what are the signs that you're ugly when the guy in the van suddenly all out of candy oh whoops sorry we don't actually all float down here pretending you're the killer makes being alone in the dark not as scary that is a good tip i just stare at the darkness i'll play with myself let those shadow people know that i'm ready anytime come on now hey come on over here come on guinness book of records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries guinness to guinness but seriously how do you sneak out such a big and heavy book well that's the same way you get the record for the largest anal cavity my dear boy my girlfriend's dad anything you do to her i'll do to you me showers my girl with love and affection [Laughter] eats my girlfriend's butt in front of them [Laughter] what's the last thing you said before losing your virginity stop stop barking jesus fido wish i could have a boyfriend like you why not me lol you know mom and dad would get mad at us oh yeah i forgot about them lol lmao okay talk to you later big bro yeah see you later little bro hey hold up how to get what you want pout little girl voice suck his fingers this is actually how i got a bigger loan at the bank this is how putin annexed crimea and this is how bernie could still win you you want me to take out the one percent don't you [Laughter] [Music] i'll decriminalize it i promise i'll decriminalize it your life has an ost everywhere you go appropriate music will play but only you can hear it uh why did boss music suddenly start playing uncle laughs from behind hey son we're in the game closet you want to play risk [Laughter] since y'all know everything what's this oh it's a [ __ ] coupon hey dad i'm cold when i tell my dad i'm cold he just tells me i should have brought a bigger jacket when i tell my dad i'm cold usually bursts into tears and says son please it's been seven years already we buried you why do you keep coming back being choked might be a turn on for you but it's not for sea turtles so keep your damn trash out of the ocean it's awfully bored to you to assume that no sea turtle has daddy issues bill billy hi who are you oh um blushes i'm uh well let's just see i'm let's just say i'm here to see your blank is your blank hard not at the moment no puts puts my long wong closer to your blank why not i'll make it hard if you want i'm not an asterisk sorry pushes you in the wall and pulls your panties down i'll make you oh you oh oh yikes and no you won't my blank isn't hard why not baby girl because i'm a boy doorknob gives a fish eye view of room you're about to enter until you see your dad clapping your mama's cheeks on it i like the guy who's just standing there a-posing in the door most helpful customer reviews whatever you do do not fill up a super big gulp cup with five hour energy and chug the whole thing my heart has either stopped completely or is beating so fast that i can't feel my own pulse cons i haven't slept in 72 hours i can't feel my face and i peed this morning and i'm pretty sure it was 99 blood pros i've deep cleaned my entire apartment and i can read minds wife remarries her husband as she falls in love with him again after losing her memory i'm still worthy that's not cute do you know how hard he had to punch someone for them to lose their memory hey come on now come on now but that is a very cute love story don't even think about it still pouring grease and cooking oils down the drain maybe this photo will convince you it's a bad idea seems like you would feel good not gonna lie macaroni sound intensifies no and you were the guy who posted it why are you saying that hey remember dinosaur pasta this is it now fueled yet no it's just as doable hey wait man wait a minute wait just one second hey do they make these in adult sizes oh wait there's no need good morning to whoever has been enjoying my coffee creamer all week surprise you've been drinking my breast milk hope you've enjoyed cheers p.s it's organic so no worries thanks but i'll drink the rest straight from the bottle to assert complete dominance over the domain and my bones will be big and strong she was expecting a puppy when he told her to lay on the bed and wait for a surprise but the husband told the wife to cover her eyes and count from 10 for st oh before stabbing her in the throat it's the [ __ ] it's the [ __ ] [Music] nice the hardest choices require the strongest wills pitching a movie idea to disney alright so there's an adorable little deer walt disney kill his mom maybe he's a cute little lion instead kill his dad make him do his cousin while you're at it your future self is talking crap about you ah joke's on him i'll freaking ruin his life and jokes on him will do his mom wait wait grass fairy poison fire i steal that's the gal our pokemon ghibli just confirmed they show us ghost coward we'll have to wait a few years to see this form damn i see you're a man of culture as well i'm a girl but thanks how far can you squirt god not even a second weight huh literally within that two hour period this person responds with i'm a girl then your creepy uncle one just swoops up like a creepy superman how far can you squirt no come on it's a weird habit you have well i i like to put my hands on my genitals when i sleep i also like to put my hands on your genitals when you sleep hey wait a minute what wolverine's healing factor reverses circumcision well that's free food for life is wolverine canonically circumcised i miss my uncle ben well for me it was my uncle benjamin for me it was my father for me it was my best friend when you ask your homies how they lost their virginity nice look at that beautiful body such a vigorous shape and those eyes oh so hot oh yeah the girl's cool too i guess hey wait both of these are bad naked pensioner caught having sex with cow is fine just eight dollars beef burgers with a touch of human mayonnaise nice my husband and i discovered you can get photo shower curtains now nobody will find the bodies hey wait you make one dollar every dab but the money appears at random places in the world so one can appear in someone's butthole or in their circulatory system why did you think this hey he's just asking a question this is a kid baby human this is a kid baby goat they both scream for no reason there's no difference between them yeah but baby goats taste better oh believe me i've tried them both i've sampled all the cuisine maybe flies are actually your reincarnated relatives attempting to get your attention well then i'll just have to kill him again you know when i was a kid working at the pizza parlor and i dropped a whole pizza on the table in front of this guy and destroyed his clothes he was so understanding about it and actually left me a tip as a restaurant manager this reaction from the guests are so relieving and heartwarming and i once ran over again in my car and instead of screaming calling me names he just lied there quietly i'll never forget this small act of kindness oh over 100 000 confiscated weapons were used to create this 26 foot tall knife angel statue that's nuts can you imagine a tornado passing through town oh why would you say that leap your birthday boy finally marks his 18th after 72 years oh so he's legal wait every sexual fantasy you've ever had just came true how does this change your life well i go to jail apart from boobs and butt what else do you think every lady should have access to safe abortion so we don't see trash like this i'd also like a line of nipples going up her back like a stegosaurus you know this picture of tom howard makes you feel every single possible emotion at once even lust mostly lust i mean i get it man hi i got my account back just in case i ever get hacked again here's the only nude i've ever taken can't threaten me with it now get a life lord forgive me for what i'm about to do hey it's completely understandable nope if i you and me both buddy oh geez louise this painting is called the first moments in heaven oh why did a whole bunch of children just show up in heaven together anakin a lady next to me on the plane started to freak out when she realized i was pakistani i laugh so hard my grenades nearly fell out of my pocket okay i'm a pakistani and this is bullcrap i keep my grenades in my turban oh i'm sorry when grabbing your penis it will now make a squeaky toy sound wait it's not supposed to do that already damn me rain will be discovered my power and uses it a little bit dog runs towards me me no no no no no fetch boy fetch how do you want to die well not alone which is why i'm studying to be a pilot that's admirable my earphones popping out pornhub's automatic pause mechanic my grandma's funeral watching porn in the funerals like googlingforgoogle.com oh okay why is it open casket you want to go copperfield you weirdo wow now i can run over kids to 240 fps thanks razer car my left arm has been gone for almost two months if you want to laugh and make jokes it's cool i'm so proud of my body damn if you're so special why don't you give yourself a round of applause you can't can you that's just mean hey cutting people's earphones and giving them airpods running over the family dog then giving them a puppy seems like the same thing guys isn't sleeping in the bus considered fast travel the screen gets dark for a bit and suddenly you're in another city uh how high are you right now 186 centimeters wide why do you ask you know i always try this on road trips sadly people always start screaming if i try this apparently it's not okay to do this as the driver but i met a feminist in the bar and she told me about the dwayne johnson rule i should only say things to her that i'd be comfortable saying dwayne johnson that sounded like a good rule so i told her your chest is freaking epic i know you don't know me but i've been watching you for years what's your animals either extinct or alive would you want to see duke it out if possible a sea turtle versus a costco bulk sized pack of plastic straw eating his own crap my dog eating a tasteless pill hidden in some cheese my dog hiding is crap there you go that's one way to do it single layered toilet paper my finger my butthole ah finger licking good no no no don't say that me at a strip club you shouldn't be here my sister on the pole neither should you you know i bet you get a family discount for the lap dance hey there you go save some money here's some fun facts the skin on your lips is the same as the skin for a butthole the skin inside your mouth cheeks is the same inside of vagina a raccoon can fit into holes four inches wide a butthole can stretch up to eight inches without having permanent damage don't piss off raccoons thanks hey ladies how weird is it for a man to ask to try breast milk not at all it's actually sort of strange of them at least express curiosity in my opinion i'm assuming you're talking about your significant other though oh that's why that chick got so mad at the park a simple mistake happens all the time sex robots with coding errors prone to violence and could strangle humans that's exactly what i paid for now that's customer service there you go we purposely made our cartridges taste horrible so nobody puts them near their mouth everyone i swear to freaking christ if you don't stop licking the switch games we'll coat them with cyanide i too enjoy pouring my melted flesh onto children to teach them well crow of wisdom you would know the right way to teach wouldn't you my mom not very smart but very social my dad very smart but anti-social me stupid and anti-social your sister smart and social alabama i see this as an absolute win no ho why do so many murderers bury victims in their own backyards not everyone has the trunk space or gas money to drive way out in the middle of nowhere to dump their bodies check your privilege we're all doing the best we can out here amen brother this is the exact reason zach and i actually got a house with a big backyard it was a requirement did you know you drink dinosaur pee every day earth's water is so old that statistically speaking every time you drink a glass of water you're probably swallowing a water molecule that passed through a dinosaur gamer dinosaur bath water tray tray tray tray tray tray stop it human touch artificial skin will allow you to tickle or pinch your smartphone whoever invented phone foreskin needs to be shot oh i'm sure they're tortured regularly for their contributions to mankind therapist fiddler isn't real he can't hurt you fitler fiddler feel the burn angry woman cuts off man's penis for not making eye contact during sex not entirely true i heard because of her eyesight she missed and put a big gash in his thigh and was only charged with missed a wiener she wanted eye contact how the hell can she reasonably expect that fun facts with squidward black people are like white people but black gay people are like straight people but without rights [Laughter] oh man i've said this before but can someone get me a 30-foot pole to not touch this post with i was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today in exchange i was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner of course i declined because i'm a person with high moral and strong willpower just as strong as ajax the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with scented lemon or vanilla thanks veggie tales facts female 18 living with my grandparents and unemployed roast me i'm 99 sure i've watched you somewhere oof not sure who to feel sorry for there you her or the horse or the horse come on i spilled milk on my cat nice try shane dawson i would literally die if a boy did this to me achievement acquired thought slayer i am no longer the family pet me and your dad are together now and it's about time you show me some freaking respect please don't give pornhub the idea of a step dog it's too late now oh i think even pornhub would step back from that one guys when a girl changes her clothes in front of you she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend zoned or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet yet oh i don't know what i was thinking there congrats jaden your channel has over 2 000 results on rule 34. oh oh good a girl requested a last kiss before breakup and fights boyfriend's tongue the trickster she should ask for one last [ __ ] oh no no no stop it screw sex i just want the warmth of another human being that's sex i think that's more like a skin suit [Music] kovit has killed 1.6 million people in the world and you're alive use a few seconds to thank god thanks for killing 1.6 million people god and counting on the trending page of youtube i'm 23 and pregnant with baby number four guys if this video gets 10k likes i'll abort it me and the girls trying to figure out all the girls versus boys memes is it true that girls get periods because they cut their peepees off every month but the pps regrow yes and each time it grows longer than before so i'ma go cut mine off and see if it regrows i'll give you an update in about a month uh did he ever update anybody can we can we get a follow-up on that one every disease known to mankind me after looking up my symptoms for a cough i've got it his fingers look like circumcised pee-pees why'd you have to say that dude why please don't disturb my peace if you're at war with yourself i want to disturb your insides whoa jack jack calm down my dude today's teens church gay kids we're late for gay don't be late for gay or you'll be the sacrifice wait wait a minute if i'm late for gay what exactly does that mean what what do you mean i'm the sacrifice what are you gonna do to me me as a parent thank you for shopping with us christmas tip wrap empty boxes for presents and when your child misbehaves or doesn't listen throw a present in the bin if you run out of empty presents time to throw the child in the bin what if i run out of children then steal some kids dude come on we're not gonna hold your hand the entire way we're just giving you the basics here geez i stood there all day lying bastards you really just need to jump super hard kids are stupid because they're taking photos of themselves with a statue of their ancestor charles dickens great great great grandchildren seriously with his statue just dig him up and take pictures with the real thing ability to telekinetically make other people fart really loud any time you wanted them to during a speech teaching a class preaching at a funeral etc and sulfur rotten egg farts that make you panic imagine the possibilities maybe you're getting lectured by a karen at publix because you went the wrong way down an aisle and she rips a 30-second juicy death part so loud that a can of tuna fell off the shelf behind her so vile the building had to be evacuated karen loses all credibility what the hell have you ever screwed a disabled person does it count if they weren't disabled when we started jesus man what the hell kind of games you play in look hook and the marlin is not for everybody especially if you're a little newbie at stuff like that americans start using the metric system they only use it to measure the diameter of bullets we also use it to measure cocaine yeah that's two points for the americans guys woman gets shot by arizona cops after firing a gun at them she has to be the dumbest [ __ ] alive not anymore [Laughter] everyone calls me ugly because i'm disabled then stand up for yourself oh your brain thinks that the squares below are actually a different color but they're not don't believe me put your finger in your ass well okay didn't work but glad i tried i think this guy found something out about himself it's so pure the fact that piranha plant is watering a pikmin in the official banner that's a red pikmin and they die in water piranha plant is murdering a pikmin i got banned on the blizzard forums for pointing out the fact that canonically winston is the only black character to not have stolen his weapon oh blessed doggo looks like he wishes he was a german shepherd oh oh no no damn it i swear to god half of these posts go directly back to hitler and or nazis spanish police discover migrants hidden in mattresses imagine going to sleep ah finally a nice good sleep the dude inside your new mattress good night good night wait what the [ __ ] wasting no time at all bar worker shot bartender wanted join our bartending staff enjoy free shots i need the sauce for a friend someone who posted a porn meme comment section who is she the bottom bar is censoring some big old ding-dongs if you saw yourself getting sold on the dark web and you decided to buy yourself how do you think they'd deliver you to you depends on the carrier if fedex ships me i'll probably be dead from blunt force trauma by the time i arrive at the wrong address fat and bald like you're dead but hotter all right astrid work it i don't know about that my dad was pretty hot oh she's taking care of nessie she screwed it didn't she god damn it you can buy a cup noodle bed for your pet poor's hot water [Laughter] there's always one you walk into a room to find that the only way to escape is by writing a name of a real person on a piece of paper this will kill that person ma'am ma'am you only need to write one name sir stop that i said stop you can't write your own name how does it feel having an enemy do this to you it's humiliating but i love it and that's how sprite was born cream soda oh no stepmom with 10 pornhub followers me with one irl follower who offers me candy stepmom looking kinda thick bro it's a cat even better my 79 year old grandma has a meme framed going to grandparents house leaving grandparents house you leave your grandparents house pregnant with child support if you glue a dead wasp to your palm you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him ferb i know what we're going to do today time to glue a dead wasp to a hammer new prototype economy airline seats i'd set off another terrorist attack if i have to sit in that pretty sure that design of seat was dubbed inhumane and they will never ever ever see the light of day i mean at this point why not just have standing room on the plane with a bunch of poles to grab onto like you're on a bus but for nine hours instead of 20 minutes notre dame on fire is the most aesthetically pleasing thing visually i've ever seen i'm going to burn your mother we'll see if it's aesthetic then sexism against men is still sexism for god's sake i yearn for true gender equality i have not problem drop kicking a lady in the face ladies and gentlemen a spring-loaded ding-dong in a box from the 1800s it's made for a great gift humanity's sense of humor has not progressed much in the last hundred years attach the lid slash trigger to the toilet seat for a fun surprise also if you think for one second humanity is ever going to get over pp jokes you're dumb and you're lying to yourself have you ever tried an australian kiss i don't know what that is it's like a french kiss but down under haha that's literally the line that lost me my virginity your uncle has good pickup lines the woman can balance herself making it easier for you to carry her try picking up a 55 kilogram dead person i agreed it was really hard when i did it wait a minute every time i screw my aunt she sounds just like this [ __ ] i see go on or you know what please don't go on leave it at that and we'll never speak again holy cow it's god opening his butt baby born in india without any of her four limbs has left doctors baffled am i terrible for thinking the baby looks like a bowling pin no because the baby looks like a bowling pin that's fine to think you see the problem arises my good fellow if you try to use the baby as a bowling pin today i learned about eugene shoemaker he was a geologist in the mid-1900s who wanted to go to the moon he failed the medical exam to go to the moon but he still helped train astronauts on apollo 11 12 and 13. after dying in a car crash his ashes made it to the moon to this day they're still there must have been a hell of a car crash a senior citizen care facility that really cares plot twist they're pushing them out to see it's their time to go wait are they going to push them out to see with the chairs are they just going to dump them after they get deep enough my husband and i want to give our daughter an allowance of 1 000 a week is this too much money i'm sorry is this some sort of rich person joke that i'm too poor to understand i may be a 30 year old bearded man but i'm available to be your daughter yeah pm me some tits i don't think they're gonna do that passengers cheer as karen is kicked off flight for refusing to wear masks i see this as an absolute win mid-flight top comment decides my next video upload anal thanks johnny sins from pewdiepie to cream pie the journey begins are you seriously watching porn by yourself nah may i'm watching it with my voice this natural vegan bodybuilder drinks daily semen smoothies and doesn't remember the last time she was sick now she's using semen to protect her against coronavirus how is this vegan it's an animal product is she implying men are vegetables no no remember human anything is vegan as long as they consent pre-order a 375 life-sized baby yoda how wide does its mouth open oh oh that one that one got me hold on i need to i need a drink wow holy crap was not expecting that one to pop up yeah they're totally not real on reddit love your username why thank you oh god why hello there adult cereals fifty shades of grain corn flakes special d rice frisky raisin bran raisin bran nothing to watch nothing to listen to nothing to satisfy my thirst for human suffering nothing to eat i mean he's got a bunch of food in his basement my neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs i've been his customer for six years i had no idea he was a barber why are you liking my girlfriend's pick on facebook sorry man finger must have accidentally slipped on the like button while i was having a wank and then you immediately go like one of his pictures all all of his pictures these birds look like fruits damn why is this fruit so crunchy the fbi wants to steal my penis can i hide it inside of you blurt plot twist the girl is asking the boy ah there it is don't mind if i do sir put down that donut it has nut in its name for a reason my good man university gym girls bathroom has not only free condoms but free lube finally a bathroom that offers snacks and drinks always remember kids if you're feeling silly wrap that willy cold hard facts in 100 years nobody will remember you even existed not if i commit genocide ask me a question and re-edit it after i answer to make me look dark i challenge you what do you do after an at-home abortion i usually grab it with a napkin and throw it out the window wait is that not just standard protocol anyway blurst snorlax i want one they stopped exporting them apparently there are laws against trafficking humans he maunch but renaissance painting circa 1602 chihuahua leans in to whisper harder step dawg what are you doing why is it easy to stay thin in japan that's easy the last time there was a fat man in japan a whole city disappeared free willy women should be able to walk around shirtless like men so then do it people would support this thinking they get nude hotties but in the end it's just naked sweaty grandmas are you implying that the naked sweaty grandmas aren't also hotties get over yourself what's the saddest word in the english language almost why i was almost good enough he was almost in love with me she almost survived we almost made it but almost as never enough i almost shat myself it's a surprise judge what is your preferred method of execution me i want it to be a surprise judge knock knock who is it it's karen from across the hall you're making way too much noise and if you don't stop immediately i'm calling the cops come in an interesting loophole mom don't watch porn because it dehumanizes females me who watches porn without females don't watch porn because it dehumanizes humans me who watches porn without humans taxes are essentially just a yearly subscription to the country you live in lol childhood is the free trial oh my freaking god does that mean the suicide hotline is the cut the upvote button when you tap it the down vote button when you tap it oh finger kun the graffiti is getting creative in america right now fappism nintendo we make family friendly stuff also nintendo plot twist he's staring at the tattoo on her inner thigh that says bowser's [ __ ] princess marijuana is safer than mcdonald's enjoy them both you little [ __ ] according to a study children eat fast food more frequently than their parents i've not eaten a single parent in years said a child who deserves the seat the breastfeeding mother the the man with the injury the old man or the pregnant woman well if you flip the chair over everyone has a seat he's a free thinker me sorting the trash by color oh that's so bad that is so bad dude everyone else at the abortion clinic what are you doing if it ain't rotten you can eat it yeah sure baby gordon ramsay this frickin titus cold for christ's sake that's exactly what he'd say please appreciate my very talented dog you know he's not the only one that can put two balls in his mouth oh is that right do you have something to say the class christina what the hell can anyone explain to me how they have put such large eyes through the small hole in the bottle come with me i'll explain how big things enter small holes oh [Music] mom i made a fan page oh my god i used to have one too for who well i fell in love with a boy named logan paul wait my last name is paul and dad's name is logan she had a fan page for me you know what i'm gonna blow gang my brains out nice you can open your mouth 90 degrees and every time you do it it makes the minecraft chest noise does my mouth become in essence a minecraft chest or is it still a stupid body blender well you know you know you know you know my boyfriend really cheating on me with this japanese chick named anime or however the hell you spell it oh wait until she finds out about hentai what is the greatest design screw-up of the human body pregnancy and childbirth why can't we just lay eggs your wish is granted rather than menstruating every month you have to lay an egg that is slightly larger than a baby is this what you wanted i mean that certainly would sort out breakfast you're working hard or hardly working oh god i hate it when people say that to me i've been trying for you to come up with a good response to that oh you can just start choking on my wildly screaming oh you're breathing hard or hardly breathing okay guys and gals hear me out what if santa instead of eating cookies he sucked all the calcium from your body with a straw oh i've come for your bones wouldn't be the first time santa did that what's your dream car brand lambo porsche tesla mercedes or if you have a different one commented i really love a white van with no windows what you love what now scenario you're about to have a threesome but it's these two what's the catch listen momo's got a big mouth see she's wide-eyed rick astley's never gonna give you up writing down the link putting it in a bottle and sending it off into the ocean i'm just gonna link horse winner and ball torture eat our fish or go to hell come get corn or else we'll sacrifice your newborn that's exactly what i want to see on the side of the road so why is jesus in such great shape that's easy he does crossfit nailed it me sending my dad a meme the sheer joy i have when he says have you get any more of these pictures i too overflow with brown and white liquids and daddy's presence this is a dope coffee table you know this is all fun and games till you walk past one day and it's empty not sure about yours but mine is like this when i thought drug dealers were like as a kid what drug dealers are actually like yeah mine just got shot front office calls teacher yeah i'll send him down students he could be any one of us it's always me though because i ate the class pet like repeatedly like they buy a new one and you just come back like ooh time for lunch it was just like a one time thing and you transfer schools to the next one i'm the happy father of five kids and none are vaccinated edit four kids edit two kids edit my wife is pregnant most kids will never have to face the awkwardness of calling a girl at home and having her dad answer the phone or when you facetime her with your wiener out and her dad answers yeah with his winner out too bruh teletubbies is the most boring show on earth it won't be boring when your family finds you dead in a ditch paul will do it personally the last text you sent is what you scream when you're about to finish what is it oh frickin l is it okay if the dog comes too which vegetable offends you the most stephen hawking hey don't worry about it that vegetable serving is fertilizer nowadays dragons would probably fear us as we can create water in our mouth i mean maybe but we can't shoot it out like pressurized fire hoses i mean well maybe you can but i can't alright step aside while i piss on the dragon oh you better have a mighty stream they call me squirtle for a reason pictured as a small fox that drowned in the ice and was cut out to warn people of the danger firefox is not responding when your dad's a magician and disappears for three years then reappears as a flag oh dope great i can finally hang them memes then ate spaghetti while wearing a white shirt didn't get sauce on it memes now i want your foreskin the doctors eat your foreskin when they cut it off no they don't don't you dare say that where's our foreskin franklin why is greg smiling because he's about to take frank's foreskin as payback effed with fruit nutrients did someone violate my cranberries if i could just get nutrients screwed into me that would make life way easier i mean yeah i agree it would it's treason then i caught my girlfriend in bed with my best friend hey which one's which peeing in the sink is actually the green way to go so you're welcome instead of wasting 1.6 gallons of water on a flush you pee in the sink you then wash your hands to that very same sink simultaneously washing down the urine and preserving nature's most precious resource and if you have a garbage disposal the same could be done with pooping oh god don't say that thanks my grandma didn't stand a chance you are allowed one object that you can summon to your hand like thor with his hammer what do you pick a condom ew it's the same condom each time old reliable how to hide the alien i got from area 51 the basement but that's where i keep my slaves yeah so that the alien has some food of course you dummy imagine sitting down and crying in this shower imagine making it too hot or cold and trying to get away from the water i kind of want to be in this shower though that looks like a full body clean like you don't have to you don't have to move around like you don't got to do anything you don't got to see because i got one with a detachable hose and i like to do the power spray and i'll just spray that right in my eyeballs to get a good eyeball cleansing oh you have to do that with this one why would you screw with a girl more holes bro you only have one dong so one hole's all you need bro i was born with one doesn't mean i haven't acquired more honey i think i'm ready to have a baby oh my god stacey you made me the happiest man ever the mother screaming he's just like do you think he'll like sports you know just take from my annie backs moms basically free kids the next part of minecraft to be updated is the nether this scary place is about to become a lot more engaging explore brand new biomes like soul sand valley and netherward forest new mobs trading well sort of and more i'm morty i'm damien dudes that are into cars are just the male version of horse girls i love installing upgrades on my horse i upgraded its respiratory system earlier this year i'm saving up to replace its heart and arteries for better flow and heat displacement me feel sick doctor there's nothing to worry about it's just a cold my hospital room the next day what the hell mom you know i like iron man the most oh don't worry you'll get to meet him soon enough i'm dying at the fact that he tattooed this on the wrong arm and now mario has two right hands imagine being jerked off by mario for the rest of your life did you say ultimate fantasy wow that is gnarly but stick a straw and you got yourself a juice pack why does kfc have no toilet paper because it's finger licking good jesus dies on a cross christians just gotta collect the loot drops i'm getting real freaking tired of not dying in my sleep just check yourself into a nursing home and be really mean to the staff and they'll sort out the rest every documentary about serial killers was like he was alone he had no friends he had no lover and he spent all his time alone at home not true i'm a serial killer and i have a lot of lovers stacked up in my closet my demographic is misrepresented you're on your deathbed and you realize you have 10 seconds left to live what do you say to the nurse thank you for pulling the plug freaking kids wouldn't if you're a necrophile today is your lucky day baby this guy must have busted the biggest nut in history for him to die and that's the masturbating man in pompeii [Music] that's awful i don't think nutella sells cherry jam 10 hours of soothing relaxing meditating vietnam war sounds for studying and thinking uh i'm in pakistan i paused the video but the sounds keep playing oh that's terrible i was in the bank with my five-year-old sister when we hear everybody get down we all got that except my sister who said stealing is wrong the robbers shot her 78 times another win for the payday gang not this one still not this one c is two you've gone too far go back to c this is the best test ever i want this really bad i love teachers who put a free question at the end my teacher was convicted as a pedophile and arrested but he did put a free question at the end people who wait to get home to piss that's me people who poop at school that's not me but i poop in my pants that's the glass of anyone smells popcorn yeah what is the most inappropriate reply to i love you i'm still pulling the plug grandpa kochi liquid juice vsauce searching for social media when you forgot your date's name asking her inviting her to starbucks to read the name on the cup propose to her and listen to what the priest says during the wedding reading the name on our grave and that is pure ascension elizabeth ii firing a british l85 battle rifle in 1993. it's a nice gun but i think we'll just go with the car crash joe's abortion clinic no fetus can beat us you make them we take them thank you for calling abortion pizza your losses are sauce how can we help you today you're on a bridge and a train is heading towards five innocent people if you do nothing they'll die but you have the opportunity to push the fat dude out of the way to make it six what do you do i make it seven my daughter is having a minecraft themed birthday party and i've had to get creative that is gnarly but make sure to dress like a skeleton and shoot the kids less gnarly you know unless that pot breaks he's the only person who'll ever touch the inside of it until 12 inch noodle dick jim gets a fetish for pottery i know you're reading this jim stay away from my garden furniture i know what snail trails look like this was the only shirt i had with no [ __ ] on it nice but i need one for my socks four things a woman shouldn't have to touch if she has a man bills groceries trash and garden and car door so she's not allowed to eat exactly because men are the number one cause of starvation in women i'm the number one cause of the third faction of the women trapped in my basement that's terrible that's terrible what are the signs that a girl likes you i need to know lol she stops screaming i don't know how to respond to that if us females can swallow come the men could swallow female discharge i can swallow my own [ __ ] nice whoa you know good thing they have their mouth open so they can taste some of it blurs to twinkies you know i also want shrek's green creamy filling inside of me children semen demons aha but that's when you eat them in the holy water till they stop moving you took my balls now say goodbye to yours [Music] [Laughter] oh hi perfect timing just ran out of toilet paper no this is me when i commit tax fraud and run over five women with my white 2009 toyota corolla so relatable how sharp are cheetah tongues big cat licks friend's arm until bleeds for science how many licks does it take to get to the center of a human the doctor in the other room after i give him my p for your intestine dude if anyone's pee looks like that i'd be very concerned i had a baby video soon i don't want to watch you giving birth or slash crappy superpowers you have acidic [ __ ] at least you don't have to hide the bodies anymore our r awful everything just this oh my god my sister twerking on her baby daddy grave rip jesus christ this dude's dead and he's getting more ass than me day three of posting a pic of amy schumer so you don't nut i showed this to my dad and now i'm getting slurped back into his balls what's a very disturbing fact almost nobody knows according to the fbi over 40 of murders go unsolved meaning if you get killed there's a pretty good chance the person who killed you will not spend a day in jail bad news for you good news for me where is saved data located just curious in the balls you're right when you wipe your ass for the 40 second time and the paper comes out more bloody than crappy but it still comes out crappy crap sticks at the paper more if you lick it beforehand beforehand so that's why it hasn't been working what's the worst thing that's happened during getting it on here's mine so i was choking on some ding dong i'm the romantic type and he was holding my face all the way down because i'm nasty like that i kept trying to pull off because he was like i'm nothing but this fool didn't know i had to sneeze like right now so he nuts and i sneeze simultaneously and out of my nose shoots his load back onto him like i'm some freaking sperm dragon and i almost bit his ding-dong off man that's that's something i'm not going to be able to stop picturing for a while absolutely hate it i'm a guy and i can fit a whole hand in my ass and a whole hand in my mouth if you do both at the same time you could finally give yourself a handshake r ask reddit how do you guys wash ding dongs properly you state it as plural are you running some kind of car wash or something oh my god thomas thomas no choo choo choo choo girl next station anal devastation mini i want the divorce are you moving crazy no i'm daisy it's funny because it involves mickey partaking in cloacal penetration r slash two sentence horror i blink rapidly as my boyfriend and i smile at the police officer i just pray he knows morse code then the cop turned to brad you were right she was trying to escape sneak 100 i bet you can tell which one's my nut rag i don't like that oh those are some steep stairs they're wheelchair accessible if you throw the wheelchair down screw it cut it off when you're a boy but your mom wanted a girl what is your nsfw talent i have a very insensitive ding dong medically proven meaning that i can go for hours without ever nutting how is this medically proven strike the ding dong with a hammer and measure the reflex time what movie title could you use to describe your sex life a dog's purpose oh come on apple introduces eggplant emoji covered in sores finally some representation oh no oh boy good ol our slash shower thoughts to fall asleep in the car while someone is driving is the ultimate expression of trust rather die in my sleep than see it hitting me at 60 miles per hour okay you know what that's true is the media fair to president trump it's unfair that my parents took off my foreskin your fbi agent when you upload a meme about having an fbi agent my fbi agent is probably masturbating with me roses are red i feel beaten gordon ramsay's dwarf porn star look alike found dead and badger then half eaten finally some good freaking food mom get in the bath the water isn't that hot the bath miniature fleshlight can't unsee that thanos snaps pregnant women oh my god imagine the other way around just random fetuses on the ground oh that's that that is definitely worse turns up decor in a fursuit hi i'm your public defender me tears in my eyes begging the judge i'll plead guilty if you arrest them too the judge also in a fursuit oh ruled god i hate this sometimes i regret not choking on my umbilical cord when i was born went to church sunday and got wet so i'm sitting in church and everyone is praying when i noticed jesus hung on the cross the way he looked while suffering instantly got me very wet i masturbated in the restroom of church god i hope he was watching me can this could this be can this be in the video i know how to get a girlfriend step one tell your crush you like her step 2 get rejected step 3 go to a store step 4 buy a grill step 5 become friends with the grill instructions not clear grilled my crush who would win the spider i want to live with or the spider i am living with why is your spider missing two legs i'm the left one is frickable the other one isn't i used to live in this apartment that got infested with spiders at the beginning of spring i mean in the shower and the kitchen everywhere i got tired of having to kill those frickers so i decided to make a stand i caught them in little jars and when me time came around well i drowned those hideous bastards in my thick hate filled nut okay i made sure to take out as many as i could without the girlfriend finding out slide clothes really hoping the same sign is on the entrance of the slide dismantle the sign of the entrance and wait a couple days you'll have a couple of yummy snacks and they're already heated by the sun when you come back that is the worst if we are what we eat what are you i'm still human bed bugs have a needle for a ding-dong and stab the female since females don't have a hole imagine being stabbed during sex you mean without having to pay extra funniest place to blow a slide whistle inside an abortion clinic i i saw it coming alabama man gets sister pregnant after unknowingly having sex with her during furry party during intercourse he'd be like man this feels awfully familiar sweet home alabama my son killed halloween psa my baby is a foot long i wish they sold these at subway pretty sure that's what jared was looking for all along oh my god doctors naming a new medicine be like i wish i was the keyboard uh uh nope oh boy our slash yahoo answers my dad started his first period what do i do lick him clean i'm gonna i'm gonna vomit nsfw what turns you on seeing my girlfriend need your own blood clot during her period uh i don't know about these guys can't believe i missed the story of this amazing girl whose dying wish was to taser a policeman and they freaking let her it wasn't really a dying wish the other cops didn't get the memo my dad who drives and plays hearthstone and screams at me if i say anything you're lucky most people have no idea how they're going to die 20 million people already failed no not november weak press why to shame actually that was just me 20 million times toilet paper why is the toilet paper at the computer you better not know as someone who works at a computer all day long i frequently take craps on the desk so i don't know what she's making a fuss about mary had a little lamb it's heart was black as coal they crept into a room one night and ate her freaking soul moms have read it why don't you ever close your son's door when leaving the room i want to see him masturbating i hate that mobile game companies youtube's worst sponsors that's why i only take sponsorships from dark web human trafficking rings pinocchio buried his face in my ass that uttered so many lies his nose came out of my mouth man i that's not how the story goes woman who forced her ex into sex at machete point sends a psychiatric hospital nut or cut isn't it relaxing just seeing the snow quietly flow down makes you calm this is so perfect i want to cry this is so relaxing to watch there could be a dead body under that snow and no one would ever know there's an undo button for everything you do just in case it goes wrong or you don't like the outcome and i mean everything all you have to do is say one line from cha-cha slide take it back now y'all can't wait to continuously scream take it back now y'all so i can relive the same orgasm over and over how to hide a body e a t eat every teenager in the evening study for an exam watching youtube videos i haven't studied at all in my past sure i freaked every female or gay teacher i've had since 8th grade and killed every school official that doesn't take bribes but i'm passing technically nut is just penis sauce and technically i hate this pokemon memes are always a good investment please not now it's no doubt november me when i miss my period when i'm a healthy virgin just do an extremely hard belly flop later in the pregnancy that usually does the job the best halloween costume of the year he's cosplaying both ends of christopher reeve's superman career oh my god you'll never understand my pain giving birth sorry sorry getting ding-dong stuck in shampoo bottle real men use mouse traps reality is often disappointing boys literally have zero excuse for not having communication skills because i've seen y'all play group video games and describe where you're at like it's life or death it's a lot easier to say shotgun in the east hallway than it is to say my crippling anxiety is ruining this relationship both situations end with a gunshot oh no walt disney and pornhub hiring adults to act like teens have lots of family issues keep remaking similar content worldwide businesses lots of teen users love to make animation both fun for the entire family to watch uh wait a minute what is the quickest way to get rid of a boner scissors are slash technically the truth wow they made a robotic version of my uncle artificial intelligence has come so far my hands look like this because of this oh my god this poor fella is doing it all wrong you just stick the cardboard up your butt and poop through the tube so no crap ever touches your butthole yeah me and my wife actually trust each other so we don't need that stuff my side chick on the other hand is super paranoid and always tracking me i'm just glad her sister is more chill wait a minute when i walk in the bathroom and see dudes at the urinal peeing with their pants down and cheeks out smack him to teach him a lesson the spider that scared the crap out of the class australian foreign exchange student i would smash a spider but the coochie too small what are the mario brothers views on nonna november mario says it's an internet tradition but if you want to orgasm you can luigi says if you want to fap this fall god will smite you all god smites me me harder daddy why hasn't anyone ever made a movie about vegetarian zombies if they did what would it be like they would only snack on coma patience it was the only way me figuring out how i'm gonna beat no no november my peepee you didn't have to cut me off and now you have a yummy snack to eat no me and the boys when we find out we have stage ten ebola step one pay one dollar to make putin find you attractive step two sacrifice your virgin booty step three film it and blackmail him step four profit step five get assassinated when you leave your doggo at gran's house he ate grandma street fight survival tactics thanks my grandma didn't stand a chance wet socks is a great feeling in a shower maybe yeah after it's not as much fun but the feeling of water like spreading out on your socks is fantastic halloween 2019 my superman and his supergirl you didn't think this couple's costume completely through because supergirl is superman's cousin humans are the only animals you have to teach how to swim actually that's not true babies know how to swim as soon as they're born not the ones i threw in the lake cursed light ceiling titty it's gonna be a long month y'all love them tasty little sausage nipple bites there are three stages of christmas in your life believe in santa don't believe in santa be santa sorry kids i won't make it to christmas this year i have stage three santa i can suck my own ding-dong and no it does not feel like getting your ding-dong sucked it feels like sucking a ding-dong i always wondered about this try tickling yourself doesn't work same thing holy crap i just tried tickling myself and it did feel like i was sucking at ding dong him i grew up in the streets the streets i have a vivid memory of taking a massive dump on one of these rugs as a kid now i have to take massive dumps in the toilets because that's what grown men do smh i want to be a toys r us kid again on the japanese island yakushima macaque monkeys are known to ride deers for transportation and every turn they groom deers and share food with them looks like a little more than transportation so why does it look like i have half a body when he's erect he becomes a tripod go to wikipedia and click a random article that is now your cause of death what is it not the communist jewish party they're gonna take my foreskin coochies with teeth are a terrifying concept but our [ __ ] pretty much the same you're freaking a vagina with teeth why are you texting me nut is just your ding-dong vomiting from motion sickness vomiting is just ejaculating with your entire body the stomach is the prostate of the digestive system everyone who fails no november should donate one tree for every day left in the month technically you're not nutting if you swallow it back up oh my god first day of domino's manager oh and one more thing don't freak the pizzas me ha ha assistant manager seriously don't freak them cook don't freak the pizzas dude me i'm not customer that guy's not gonna freak my pizza is he manager not if he wants to keep his job he won't i met a guy on the internet that was fired from dominoes for getting caught nutting on a pizza they said they were going to call the police but then he said everyone here has weed probably better not so they stuck with just the firing young actors who quietly passed away this year i wish lol outrage as billboard for terminator film is erected outside abortion clinic there are no accidents so saith master oogway i'm guessing there are accidents if there's an abortion clinic i've gotten so good at among us i found out my girl is cheating where were you last night i was with dylan and sarah we were at blank that's crazy because sarah called me and asked where you were which means you were alone with dylan again wait i can explain i'm sorry baby we didn't even do much sabotage your o2 with your bare hands oh i laugh at that but please don't murder her also i gotta say we didn't even do much oh god we can now create life without the need for sperm or eggs imagine being born this way then getting in a roast session in grade school tommy i know yo artificial ass ain't talking how you get made in a whole lab and still ugly dang raccoon you eating trash i am what i eat damn dude raccoon if you're trash then i'm an ass i guess that makes me a child i'm queen because my father is king gonna keep the bloodline pure i don't think she understood what she was saying liking 420 or 69 liking 206 because that's the amount of bones in an adult human body i have 412 in my basement i haven't seen your parents for a while america got soft when they stopped playing dodgeball with rubber kickballs and switched to foam yeah and now they're playing dodgeball with bullets what a major downgrade though if you can't take a rubber kickball to the face how are you going to make it in life what i may be a millennial but i can hold some boomer opinions my friend took her hoe of a cat to the vet and this want to act surprised when she ain't know she's pregnant i told her to take the pill wait stop scrolling thank you i'll take that as consent oh crap bro don't do it this kid was already in 2016 back in 2005. mental sickness has always been around wow man you didn't have to say it like that someone literally died on my flight today so he made an emergency landing and everyone missed their connections the guy behind me was complaining saying how is it an emergency if they're already dead and i just like to say that you sir are the devil why are you booing me i'm right i mean let's be real here he's dead just throw him off what's he gonna do complain about it people who sleep nude what's your 3am burglar defense strategy number one put on a clown mask two grab a knife three say alexa intruder alarm four room turns pink and barbie girl plays five start walking up to them with knife raised sure it paints a funny picture but i really doubt the dude's gonna stand there for 10 minutes while you get this whole goddamn thing set up hey hold on i gotta get my clown mask and a knife just give me one second okay depression is a phase my kid says he's depressed i already took his phone away is there anything else i can do to get him out of this phase the beatings will continue until morale improves if there's one boomer opinion i don't share with them it's their opinion of depression psychos look at the size of my new tv compared to my dishwasher i may have to put a load in that dishwasher for you bud oh god what the hell original stop it get some help michael jordan anti-drug psa from 1987. thanks to jordan making this video i took away my grandma's drugs and now she's sleeping peacefully on the carpet oh nap time's great isn't it you're an endangered species you've been added into minecraft which will bring more awareness about your situation and maybe we can fix it we need to make more animals endangered so mojang will add them i don't think that's the right way to do this bts a terrorist organization now that's the fan base yeah and we learned how to weaponize that fan base pastor quits church to become a stripper and says she's never been happier checkmate old man from our father to my daddy call of booty great game what are you 15 yeah 15 inches deep in your mom oh seriously elon you might want to take a goddamn nap dude good bones i finally found it after 15 years the skull of crystal you've found the skull of crystal it grants good bones forever but only if you upvote this is awesome i can't believe i found it the forbidden fleshlight and some of y'all are really into pain where can i buy a frog not for sexual reasons i'm in the market for a frog but don't know where or what kind of frog i want to get a frog from huh i would like the frog not for sexual reasons to be blue any information is helpful and thanks in advance for the people who may help me on my journey to acquiring my dream pet where can i find one too for sexual reasons of course shut up ben shapiro egypt police using dating apps to find and imprison lgbt plus people imagine rounding up gay men and putting them all in an enclosed space and people say heaven on earth doesn't exist damn that score though abortion is okay it's killing another human without their consent the hell they gonna say gaga don't kill me [Laughter] grandma irl visiting grandma leaving grandma how did grandma manage to make you both pregnant that fast well do we have a story for you what are your kids doing during social distancing they're hanging out if medusa had bigger breasts the number of people turning to statues would have been significantly lesser the number of people rock hard would stay the same though fest about my guy age 22 34 43 95 possibly immortal just checked not immortal had this shirt for a year and always wondered why the sleeves were black until i met this man today now go inside of him yes it's time to become one how to choke your partner safely a thread label this better please i thought this was about how to choke someone out and i made a guy come during a jujitsu match oh boy my first ever clown gig i'm nervous but clown school prepared me well just gotta put on my colorful afro i look great time to bring some joy to those dying children at the hospital everything's all right until the gun falls out of the costume who fought world war ii axis powers of world war ii oh yeah there's maurice maurice was tired of king julian's crap king julien oh i see wait do they literally sell gpus on the black market everything is sold on the black market not my kidney not yet not but that kind of talk my friend you just gotta believe my girlfriend is half korean her mom is korean and her dad is korean and her legs got ripped off in a car accident okay uh with the way this series is going i expect kratos to eventually crucify jesus be careful what you wish for can we just take a moment to say screw you to the people who stick gum to the underside of tables it's like a library you take some for yourself and then put it back for the next person and that's enough internet for today dogs should live as long as their owners well all right human life expectancy is now 14 years so uh what's the new age of consent bro i was afk and i came back to someone dead in the cafe wtf lmao lol lunchtime if you had to sacrifice an avenger to find the coronavirus cure who would it be and why captain marvel because if it fails we can use the time stone from doctor strange to revive her and repeat the sacrifice ritual with her again and again and again i used to quite like nutella until i saw the picture of it split into its constituent parts oh gross if you did the same thing for your mom she wouldn't look great either this is the nutcracker we all need i'll crack my nuts with it wheel eliminate jesus six thousand dollars good soldiers follow orders thomas was only following orders six grand that's it for jesus come back to me when you got something better than those amateur numbers made a lego among us kill animation compilation in slow motion imagine you're minding your own business in electrical then pink comes out of the vent completely naked and beat you to death with this massive [ __ ] oh i'm imagining it all right he's powering up to stage four me after saving money for a year i'll finally be able to buy a gaming pc my girlfriend but now you have more kidneys to sell but the knee is silent girlfriend required requisites being female optional a pulse also optional i just had sex not with the cat why did you screenshot wrong [ __ ] dude uk debates american debates chinese debates russian debates damn which country has the safest and coolest debates it's either putin or a shooting just in case you were having a bad day look how happy this raccoon is with his stuffed raccoon of course he's happy he got a free sex doll and those things can be pricey which movie title describes your sex life tomb raider oh just know when you see human babies in r slash awe if the human babies are in awe you need to cook them better oh i see what you did there screw you question if you're married to one of the identical twin sisters how would you recognize your wife why should i my sister telling my parents that i snuck out last night call the ambulance me telling my parents about her only fans but not for me wait how do you know about her only fans she once told me she would get me a lego star wars set if i record her for the only fans but she didn't counselor so what happened blind student crying people keep making fun of my blindness oh i see blind student he did not see that coming don't bother calling for takeout they put you on hold and never come back sorry for your inconvenience the server taking your order had a seizure while doing so and couldn't complete the process when you showed up to retrieve your order and it was not ready even though there was an ambulance in front of the restaurant and we were tending to the medical emergency at hand we offered to complete your order at that time i'm sorry that you declined and chose to complain in a public forum must have been little seizures did you know there is enough bones in the human body to make an entire skeleton i'ma go tell that to my amputee friend does a pillow work as a silencer tried using a pillow as a silencer on my grandma and it worked she stopped snoring took a minute though imagine opening your mouth for the dentist any spits in it great i'm already scared of the dentist now i'm gonna think of this every time and we'll have to worry about hiding my erection oh what is that when squidward's had enough what exactly is he gonna do oxford university student who stabbed her tinder lover in a drink and drug-filled rage could be spared jail by a judge because she's extraordinary and it would damage her surgeon career no you freaking idiot yeah just wait for her to stab the patient during surgery yeah i don't know i don't think i want someone who's a murderer technically speaking to be doing any operations on my body if godzilla was real he would produce 151 million gallons of urine per day i'd swallow all of it there's always that one guy i swear to god florida woman arrested for slapping boyfriend in the face with a taco don't threaten me with a good time can i get a taco bell gong in here my mom was sitting on our sofa and said i wish i could just teleport to the bed whenever so here it is you can teleport to your bed whenever you want whenever from anywhere we can all teleport to your mom's bed suck it terraria is nine years old now like if you're a terrarist attack no i'm sorry i'm moving on teacher passes out test atheist kid praise smart kid cries tougher smart kid also cries the rest of the class you guys did pregnancy tests as well what grade did you get in that history test oh what a good score yo this you being your little brother would be so hot i'd hold my ear to your door at odd hours of the night hoping and praying to catch the soft moans of my horny naughty sister i would creep my eye to under the door crack and watch the shadows of you move damn dude just go jerk off titanic is just an old woman telling a story about some good ding-dong she got while on a cruise so after he drew me like one of his french girls we found an empty car and we screwed so hard it got as humid as hawaii in there oceanographists ma'am we just want to know how the ship sank laptop overheating pour water on it to cool it down i trusted you do not trust people like me i will take you to museums and parks and monuments and kiss you in every beautiful place so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth i'll destroy you in the most beautiful way possible and when i leave you will finally understand why storms are named after people jesus christ that took a turn make love not console wars seize usb port all right then wait a minute menus love to get sex women use sex to get love i use [ __ ] to style my hair each morning it made me want to freaking vomit vomit works as a deodorant not his hair gel think about it jake abandoned his entire species and their chance to gain resources for their dying planet so that he could clap some alien cheeks making him the ultimate sim sim the guy took vr porn to the next level is it possible to learn this power the whitest thing you can do is use the divider at checkout in a grocery store and the blackest one i'm only allowed to make fun of white people the blackest way is not using checkout okay then night dress for sleeping for women and girls is the woman included yes oh good oh well would you look at that we've run out of time for today's video ladies and gents always remember if you even somewhat enjoyed this video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed it well then make sure to get subscribed and click that bell icon and until next time we'll catch you later

Channel: EmKay

Views: 4,035,344

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes

Id: 59gAFlVvtC4

Length: 65min 57sec (3957 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 16 2021