ALL OF R/TECHNICALLYTHETRUTH

[Music] what would happen if i put a sleeping pill in my coffee huh it'll go bloop oh thanks cute little coffee write five words you can spell five words you can spell ah very clever nasa is investigating what may be the first crime in outer space with astronaut and mclean accused of identity theft and improperly accessing her estranged wife's private financial records while on the iss despite making up roughly 49 of the population women are responsible for 100 of the crimes in space the coolest kind when you order 12 things at once on amazon but only get one shipping notification oh yeah it's all coming together who are you and how did you get in here i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith fan enough you like some coffee or some tea a mouse uh many i have something to tell you hey you'd be scared too of a six inch tall naked human sprinted across your floor now invite him for a small cookie and a chat write these words in alphabetical order take act value aloof use royal allory my man got a hundred percent this is an aerial view of ancient rome from 5200 feet this is a times new roman view of ancient rome from 5200 feet hey thanks get lost in nature and you will quite possibly die well i thought i was gonna find myself but i guess that's understandable my friend don't worry there's plenty of fish in the sea the fish in the sea all cutie pies look at them how americans think europeans see the usa los angeles new york and disney world how we actually see well you see you have the nasal written as the temple retina we have a primary visual cortex um and then you have the optical lenses and the temple retina and the eye which goes to the optic nerve and the optic chiasma all going to the lg of the uh all going to the lgn or the lateral geniculate nucleus you understand that [Laughter] choose a name for your game choose wisely as it can't be changed later okay i'll be named wisely very funny choose a name for your game choose wisely as it can't be changed later okay changed later it can't be changed later please type another name okay another name i'm getting sick of you i'm just doing what you asked [Laughter] what we see what animals with a color range larger than rc hey well there you go the same strip of colors statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25 well yeah then it's no longer teen pregnancy you idiot it's not even a study it's just a blatant statement find the person who doesn't pay taxes can't find them it's cause they're right here fact babies are idiot leeches and don't freaking pay taxes is that really the hill you want to die on quackity [Laughter] banks hate him see how he made ten thousand dollars in a single afternoon with one simple trick he robbed the store barack obama well who's that specify please michelle obama's husband okay that guy thanks for thanks for clearing that up if you found the best hiding spot you haven't found the best hiding spot okay biologists are just a bunch of cells that talk about other cells and what about it you got a problem bud bumblebees can fly higher than mount everest because mount everest can't fly well hey no one's challenging it what do you believe to be 100 bull crap oh the brown stuff that comes out of a bull's butt of course where's my gold reddit where's my gold to the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket you can hide but you can't run and you can't cover that wheelchair in the jacket either he'll be found lickety-split if we can't we won't thanks tires appreciate that man finally an honest company doing honest work how come y'all be in miami and etc for y'all's birthdays but your kids parties are always at chuck e cheese's uh cause my four-year-old don't like strippers and coke that's easy i'm very quick at math oh okay so what's 12 times 9 56 that's not even close who said i was correct i said i'm quick uh he got you there he got you there idiot i never watched friends seems like a terrible tv show if she randomly goes cold on you it's because her ex is back in her life true or nah well it's either that or she's dead oh i usually sit on the computer for 12 hours a day is that bad that can't be comfortable try a chair okay listen pal there's three unwritten rules of dating and there they are you want to see them that's them trump is the first leader in the history of the world to be attacked for improving the lives of the citizens that voted for him uh lincoln was literally shot in the head for ending slavery well to be fair slaves didn't vote for lincoln damn check mate am i doing tinder right what's your favorite kind of soup um chicken and vegetable a fine choice why thank you what an odd first question though you can tell a lot about somebody by their favorite soup what can you tell about me you like chicken and vegetable soup damn connor damn connor read her like a book you're cute what's the catch wow what a healthy attitude towards women ah there it is they straight up a red flag in the upper right corner you knew was a mistake a belly button is basically a scar from when you got into a knife fight with a guy in a mask after being evicted from your first place no it's not it's not it at all if you're a male your wiener is bigger than 49.6 of the population no matter what feel better about yourself fellas looking out for you what does your diet consist of no you know the usual food well here i was assuming that you photosynthesize like the rest of us normal people food goddamn my dog just completed her fourth orbit around the sun very special moment right here dang how much is that in dog use oh like at least three new skeleton found in pompeii this guy was running from the eruption when a 300 kilogram boulder hit him right in the face damn was he okay obviously not what do you think was the last thing that went through his head well easily a big freaking rock yo my friend got a degree in egyptology but he can't get a job so he's paying more money to get a phd so he can work teaching other people egyptology in his case college is literally a pyramid scheme ah i see there is no escape therapist what brings you here he takes everything too literally and you the bus ah this guy my wife is mad that i keep introducing her as my ex-girlfriend well after my wedding i started introducing my wife as my first wife technically the truth but not appreciated they just don't understand you humor fellas keep your heads up kings i believe in you did you know a propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane to keep the pilot cool when it stops you can actually see the pilot start sweating yeah is that so my kids are unvaccinated what essential oils can i use to prevent them from catching measles ah don't use essential oils use large amounts of fermented swedish herring smeared liberally all over their bodies several cans a day that should keep all other human beings far enough away from them that they're not likely to catch measles as a couple of commenters have already pointed out this is also highly effective at preventing teenage pregnancy you're welcome oh god dude so strumming is disgusting i'm sure i didn't say it right but it's gross the first guy to do a backflip was probably like you know what i think you're right on that man is four followers a lot ah depends on the context in instagram not at all in a dark alley yes a lot hey folks it's question of the day food for thought are mashed potatoes just irish guacamole god i don't know don't tell anyone yet but i found a way for infinite power maybe we could use it at mars yo what kind of outlet is that it's electrical ass girls leave their dog in a cage 14 hours a day and be like i'm a dog mom to a fur baby nah ho you a warden to a prisoner someone got to let that prisoner free computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons well hey you're not wrong but god you're not right either good romance starts with a good friendship but a bad romance starts with ra ra roma roma ma gaga ooh la la if you think i'm ever gonna sing that you're you're mistaken i'm never gonna do it i'll always read it as bland and dry as possible baby that's just how i roll would a gay shop owner decline service to someone because they're straight no because gay people aren't freaking a-holes well technically metaphorically no they aren't but like physically girls are hot guys are hot why is everyone so hot global warming thanks professor whales have existed for at least one year your house is burning down you can only save one thing what do you save my house isn't it obvious you idiot i wasn't hurt that badly the doctor said all my bleeding was internal and that's where blood's supposed to be looking at the bright side aren't you why do you carry your id with you it defines who i am hey the kid's not wrong the first guy with insomnia was probably like huh well it seems i can no longer sleep spread the word of islam if yay i guess is um all right pay up i did it how did you join reddit well that's easy i made an account jiu-jitsu the gentle art of falling clothes while people are still in them involuntary yoga leaped image from the set of the new avatar movie well hey they're not wrong it's all cgi maybe is his life worth less than mine it is his life worth more than mine no you're all equally worthless kids now 50 push-ups the world's fastest growing plant is the giant water lily which grows almost a foot a day um lily pads can't grow feet i'd love to watch one grow though i wonder if there's a time lapse somewhere guess who'll never throw an unsecured bottle of parmesan cheese into the laptop bag ever again why would you do that in the first place because you took mac and cheese to a different level my friend by being stupid mama is this safe to eat no it's for storing valuable objects you're not my kid apparently mac supports windows how'd you look at that looks like they can coexist i love it most people think that t-rexes can't clap because they have short arms but really it's because they're dead oh okay it's raining back in the amazon mother earth said screw you bros i'll just do it myself well maybe if the stupid tree stopped producing oxygen there'd be no fire okay fair enough a new toothpaste is released and dentist sawball one are like hey that's great one's just like i've inquired as to why snes titles aren't available for the 3ds and nintendo only sent me this image in response honestly i'd take the l and leave that's a great response the only open-minded presidents we've ever had yeah that's one way to say it i don't see why people prefer pcs over consoles haters always say consoles are limited but my n64 can support apple products and windows get bent people actually think the earth is flat sun round moon round stars round but the earth is flying through space like a freaking frisbee dude stars are star-shaped not round read a book photoshop request can someone make it look like i'm holding a pit bull this is amazing please note the post-apocalyptical fiction section has been moved to current affairs hey wait really blueberry mac and cheese is a real thing yeah and so are the police which i'll call if you have a post of blueberry mac and cheese again can you guys please recommend books that made you cry yeah organic chemistry structure and function by voldheart k peter c and score neal e i don't get the joke is it like a book on how things cro i don't get it record breaking performance as soon as i saw the video like thumbnail i knew exactly what the joke was going to be go ahead and break the shadow of the record baby show me what you got yeah if we all started referring to water like this vaccine for dehydration the anti-vaccine menace would be over in three days remember kids if you don't sin then jesus died for nothing so get out there and commit a few atrocities when you're running low on space but your pup gives your computer a megabyte how to draw a sheep draw a cloud legs a circle for the head and there you have it a sheep someone draws sheep using these instructions hey this really helped this is the best sheep i've ever drawn friends are like bananas if they peel their skin and eat them they die i might have to test this theory out who wants who wants to volunteer what is the least spoken language in the world sign language fair enough someone please quickly explain baby clothing sizes to me well see baby clothes are smaller than most adult or even children's clothes i hope that helps thanks deb appreciate man how to speak nine languages step one speak eight step two add one which is the hardest step oh good question my guy hather was the egyptian goddess of fertility and brighty and music so sex drugs and rock and roll and a manner of speaking yes love it the first guy to swim across the river was probably like looks about right to me chief give or take a couple more steps colossus of the alps and that's a cool painting that's super dope i wonder what killed it a sword obviously i see you're an intellectual maybe the sword is merely a knife in the hand of a giant much larger than the colossus tell me something i don't know well there's an apostrophe between the n and t and don't you you fool titanium blades they cut through diamonds i'm not wearing any diamonds but i am in superhero movie if a toy and toy story dies the kid wouldn't know and the other toys would have to watch and play with the corpse that's pretty morbid that's pretty morbid dude you're trapped in a haunted house what do you do to survive i leave okay what's your type type of what blood oh red new player name unavailable create that name is unavailable florida man tells neighbors he's going to kill them with kindness then tries to kill them with a machete he named kindness uh he didn't lie i can't tell if he's wearing pants it doesn't look like it but raccoons typically don't wear clothing well not typically two guys with a banner get these guys to mardi gras oh look at scott they're scott's head when pun becomes life i was born at a very young age as opposed to being born like benjamin button 100 of the people who breathe oxygen die same statistic applies for water who killed more people in the bible god or satan yeah god's a little vengeful huh it's quick it's easy and it's free pouring river water in your socks why would i do that it's quick it's easy and it's free oh thanks official united states this is not a drill it's a shovel yes it is a very tiny one what rhymes with orange no it doesn't i have a crush on this dude who doesn't lesbians probably i guess you're right fun fact the shovel was a groundbreaking invention cigarette companies kill their best customers and condom companies kill their future customers all for the good of mankind all pleasures are guilty pleasures if you have high enough anxiety thanks for reminding me ryan reply with more than two words more than two words no yes there should only be two bathroom types one specifically for me and another for everyone else there is it's called a diaper oh no if you replace the w and when where and what with tea you get their answers no i hate you what's the trashiest thing you've witnessed a dumpster same actually if you're lonely dim all the lights and put on a horror movie after a while it won't feel like you're alone anymore if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points whoa i never thought about it that way hawk he has no legs and climbs everest what's your excuse his legs won't hurt mine will judging by the photo at least half of his legs will hurt love is like a fart if you force it you're gonna make a mess what okay is it really common for all of you to fart and crap your pants is that just what happens with y'all bone the 206 oh i see shut up who's running the nzxt twitter me oh what would you look at that rich people are just poor people with money oh you scholarly led you you can't buy hot pockets you can only buy cold pockets you're expected to supply the heat yourself don't believe the lies i don't know growing up there was a deli down the road that i could buy a fully hot pocket for way better than the ones you get frozen you don't actually know what day you were born you're just taking everyone's word for it it's hard to argue with his assessment very hard to argue with it if at first you don't succeed you fail ah food is an important part of a balanced diet i would imagine that's true there was a spider on my desk but it's under control now cool ah looks like it's time for a new keyboard when you ask for someone's name you're essentially asking them what noise you should make to get their attention yes that is how languages that are spoken work interviewer why'd you leave your last job me because of something my boss said it says here you were fired that's the thing he said if you have an organ donor card you drop loot when you die yeah my loot's common not very helpful at all when you become famous you're called a legend because your leg ends what your leg it ends i'm not a linguist but i think that's wrong are you saying that your leg doesn't end i mean at some point it does yes then what's the problem what's something socially acceptable today that might get banned in the next 100 years wearing a mask and a bank translate google birth control pills auntie baby filling pie chart pie chart not pie chart oh i see i will beat all of you in rock paper scissors you go first paper scissors oh my god they were right sherlock and watson oh how cute loki the number 87 looks like phineas ah dang it now i can't unsee that did you know that if you put your ear up to a stranger's leg you can hear them saying what the hell are you doing i'm gonna have to try that to verify it i'll get back to you i want to be michael jordan when i grow up what do you need to achieve your dreams get bigger shave my head be black okay who is this wrong answers only anakin skywalker jedi master oh that hurts it's faster to say world wide web than it is to say www that is very true always has been though fun insect facts carpenter ants are about a centimeter long that's less than one football field is it if he wasn't dead he'd still be alive today you know you're right jay you're so right if you look like this then like this and back like this it's safe to cross the street i always wondered when it was actually safe anxiety is literally just conspiracy theories about yourself matthew i needed to hear that today lord forgive me for what i'm about to do what what are you about to do something that requires lord's forgiveness oh god that could be anything i love the because of obi-wan memes because of obi-wan friend girlfriend boyfriend best friend only high resolution full color backlit display and built-in math print feature the ti 84 plus ce graphing calculator has no end wow that's one heck of an advertising plan for home meetings background for video conferences this is gold it is yellow news god answers prayers of paralyzed little boy no says god oh dang it i don't know where i'll be when it happens but when weird al dies no one will see me for about a week same i love that man sometimes when one door closes in life another one opens crap different crap always always man did you know if your parachute doesn't deploy you have the rest of your life to fix it well that's the scariest truth of all he's getting the f out of there thank god it's about time it's been out there for so long blow my mind hmm everyone once held the title of being the youngest person in the world well yeah not for very long though women like to choose shampoo which insults them the most for broken greasy destroyed screwed up hair which makes you ugly as hell it's for me that's a little hard to read if you work hard then you play hard if you hide then you hide draw a dotted quarter note oh i see where his brain went the complete opposite direction it should have all the info was there except for the info that isn't there oh gee thank you that's very helpful a belly button is basically a scar from when you got into a knife fight with a guy in a mask after being evicted from your first place except they use scissors to cut the umbilical cord so a scissor fight scissors are technically two knives stuck together that sucker was dual wielding this got me more than it should have society if we built things differently oh wow now that's pretty deep i have no clue why but every time i hear pie is irrational i think of the pie symbol angrily screaming that the moon landing was staged and the earth is flat to be fair the moon landing was staged we didn't just accidentally land on the moon there was some planning to it if you love milk chocolate but don't like dark chocolate you actually like sugar more than chocolate if you like pickles but don't like cucumbers you actually like vinegar more than cucumbers if you like roasted chicken but not raw chicken you actually like the heat from your oven more than chicken hi i'm here to eat aren't we all when the robber stabs you but you're in the living room nice try idiot look it was only a matter of time before something like this happened okay teacher a person that helps you solve problems you'd never have without them oh god no how do you make one vanish add a g and it's gone english teachers what's the longest a walrus can hold its breath for technically speaking a walrus can hold its breath for the rest of its life all of us can that's nothing new did you know scuba divers roll backwards off boats because if they rolled forward they would just go into the boat oh yeah that is true isn't it if you go home with someone and they have the banner of the former soviet union hanging on the wall that's a big red flag yes yes it is humans used to read things on scrolls now we scroll to read things oh wow that seems pretty deep me irl one piece of cake won't hurt the cake ha fat who makes a cake for father's day a baker duh hollywood in reality austria triggered both world wars cutting edge technology that's it that's the whole post i've got nothing to say johnny depp's son looks exactly like him and it's almost as if they're related oh come on with that headline are you serious if you attempt to rob a bank you'll have no trouble with food rent or bills for the next 10 years regardless of your success what if you died during the robbery then you'd have money for the rest of your life oh what's the game that best describes you destiny 2 shut up destiny 2 kid on the street are you dwight nope yeah you are i'm the biggest office fan can i get a pick what's my name uh i don't know then you're not the biggest office fan funny i never really had that problem made with two hands because none of our employees have three fair just finished sanding my tires so that my car will ride smoother on the interstate and honestly i kind of love this look that's a smooth way to see god and a fast one the feeling of stepping on the wet floor with dry socks is the same as stepping on the dry floor with wet socks take it and go what is the pettiest silliest most meaningless hill that you're willing to die on there was a hill near where i grew up that we called top of the world where you could see most of our small town there was a little gravel parking lot where people could park and it was maybe a 200 yard walk to the point not many people knew about it except the locals and it was kind of windy but if i had to pick a hill then i guess i would pick that one i'm quick at math okay what's 38 times 76 24 that's not even close but it was quick ah i got five pounds of carrots from a restaurant supplier it's four carrots holy cow i thought you wanted to smash i did oh he meant that one you know people treat me like a god how they ignore my existence unless they need something okay somebody said the ladies will find me a lot more attractive if i post pictures with filters i have some doubts but what do i know right so here goes man my phone's probably really gonna blow up oh okay i get it how i see the moon versus how i see the moon in a picture the first one is also a picture oh shut up you could have died man the doctor said all my bleeding was internal that's where the blood's supposed to be if someone has ear buds on in public they don't want to have a conversation ah that's very very very true that's not technically the truth that's just the truth girls boys never open up to each other me telling the boys about the time i tried to suck my own ding-dong fun activities that are six feet apart that looks a little bit more than six feet she looks so squishy why would you use that adjective anyone know where the girl's from from this meme you're not wrong without using numbers how old are you 31 share if you rode in the back of a truck and lived well the people who didn't live wouldn't be around to share oh yeah did you know when a snake bites you and you feel pain that's because it hurts don't forget to drink water and get sun you're basically a house plant with complicated emotions and i'm a lot larger and more pale and i'm stupid eating ash should really be called doing crack but y'all are just not ready for that conversation no i think we're ready can we start that convo like right now what would you do in this situation die yeah i think everybody would not much more you can do there speedrunners are literally spending all of their time in games trying not to spend much time in games well yes but actually no manager i'm sorry but i'm gonna have to let you go employee why what have i done don't think of it as being fired think of it as being promoted to a customer you're giving me my job back what no i'm not the customer is always right i feel like this is one of those things that would work one time in human history and then past that point good luck get in the halloween spirit and make a ghost that's called murder and i heard somewhere that it was illegal yes it's only illegal in wyoming customer i'd like to return this vacuum cleaner employee why it sucks well i mean like it is kind of what it's supposed to do right like you know what i mean what do crows eat food oh so do we that's so crazy goku and vegeta aren't yelling they're super saying man that one makes me mad and i've never even seen the show me i had an animal in my car's total am i covered insurance yes what did you hit a fish in the first transformers movie megatron is trying to find the cube and sam has the glasses with the coordinates he sends barricade to go interrogate sam where are the glasses we've already established that transformers can learn earth's languages and hack the military computers in seconds sam is selling the glasses on ebay why didn't megatron just buy the glasses the captcha got them almost 60 percent of scottish coronavirus deaths have been in scotland uh i would imagine so what has four letters occasionally has 12 letters always has six letters but never has five letters my mailbox oh what the oh my god what happened i put tape on my fingers oh never mind it's less interesting than i thought fun fact ever wonder why it's called the iliad because ilium was another name for troy and the ad suffix was used to mean the story of this means that if you translated the title the iliad should actually be called troy story thanks i hate it you got a friend and horse you do not have a friend in horse did you know that nasa has proved that the distance from the sun to the earth is equal to the distance from the earth to the sun whoa what only exists because humans are dumb school listen here you little i heard mars has no atmosphere could we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz who are you who are so wise in the ways of science thanks for the dinner taco bell you're welcome joe what'd you get i got diarrhea but it was worth it seriously am i the only one that doesn't get diarrhea from practically every fast food restaurant ooh don't like that wetsuit at all bad well that's not a good sign no little stickman no it isn't pepsi tastes like soap what kind of soap do you use pepsi oh as a child i promised my mother i would win the nobel prize in physics 50 years later i said to my mother see i kept my promise i won the nobel prize no said my mother you promised it would be in physics [Laughter] oh man 20 years ago we had johnny cash bob hope and steve jobs today we have no cash no hope and no jobs oh god that's so stupid medusa has to be the sexiest woman in history one glance and you're hard please laugh men bakes bread once the genius who discovered toast it's even tastier the second time was karl marx right no he was left when you realize that today is mother's day surprise mother you'll see the full one on father's day oh boy not all turtles were born in the wild some are bred in captivity oh man he's so cute i wish he was real sir i'm afraid to tell you that your dna is reversed and shut up guys i forgot mike wazowski only had one eye i was so used to seeing the first picture if you chop his legs off you decapitate him oh that's a grisly image jesus please we need the dough well i hope you're doing that grayson just asked if 10 is a big number what do i tell him cause like 10 isn't a lot of dollars but 10 murders is a lot of murders is there actually something wrong with you why context is important and michael's got a point can we get at least 10 likes on this video to show grayson that it is a big number chefs have read it what do you make when you're drunk about 12.50 an hour i like that guy every cigarette you smoke takes seven minutes off your student loan debt really this aged well [Laughter] nice amazon echo frames glasses lets alexa sit on your face i mean that's correct technically but the way you worded it i have several questions i want to know who the uh the social media guy behind your account is my dad an electrician asked for a new wire stripper for christmas so i made a mess he would get a kick out of that i presume that's funny that's solid hey want a bad spelling of notebook hey dig sick did i get it what do we put for the cause of death health complications but he was beheaded really complicates one's health doesn't it if you are what you eat does that mean cannibals are innocent people you know it japanese carpentry japanese carpentry is carpentry in japan and that's the entire article it ends right there full stop you know clapping is just hitting yourself because you like something why are you hitting yourself it's a proven fact that criminals commit less crime after they've been shot so go ahead and load that gun buddy you want to stop crime don't you there will be no zombie apocalypse if we cremate all dead bodies and hey you're onto something there i like that my neighbor told me coyotes keep eating his outdoor cats so i asked how many cats he is and he said he just goes to the shelter and gets a new cat afterwards so i said it sounds like he's just feeding shelter cats to coyotes and then his daughter started crying don't hate me for being rad listen drugs do not ruin your career drug tests do um fork three twak wonk zurok my favorite utensils almost cool when you were young but isn't cool now earth empty cop cars are just scarecrows for people and you know what they're effective the end is nia the guy is so tiny look at him the end hey uh dbrand how to get 50 off my next order not easy try ordering half as much fig one fig two hey that one's half done i just watched a movie where a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled in a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman it was great huh sounds good what was the movie finding nemo oh it might that's me with a golf tie in my mouth any chance you can make it look like my friends take out a shop no doubt german shepherd german shepherd what do they have in common oh the german shepherds he died of natural causes miss romanov you kicked him off a roof gravity is natural i'm nearly 12 but i'm smarter than an average 12 year old uh half of 12 year olds are smarter than the average 12 year old whale jumps out of nowhere during sightseeing tour nah he's actually home you came out of nowhere what if i told you you read the title wrong oh i did what i have told you that one actually got me i'm 14. uh what are you doing on an nsfw question then i don't go to work hey wait a minute he's right [Laughter] this sentence is in all caps nice how do you call yourself muslim and dress like this oh i'm not dressed i mean yeah you're in the pool i would assume maybe at least like a bikini or something but nothing i mean hey do you no problem with that japan fixed this road in two days how many days would your country take why would my country want to fix japan's roads you know what fair enough list of people claim to be jesus first century all the way to the 21st in the first century is jesus the founder of christianity date september 30th period there you go magician i can make anything disappear magician i can make disappear he did it do you want to see a picture of my boob oh hell yes there he is my boob best man i know we just ate why are you making pancakes they're for the dogs why are you making pancakes for the dogs well you don't know how you don't need to march bro you're literally the freaking guy in charge today we march for our planet for our kids and for their future i just wanted to be i just want to get out of the house for a day really you matter unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light then you energy we meet people by accident hey it's true they did putting mental health before my education is a great idea until it affects my education which affects my mental health which affects my education which affects my mental health this is how a needle looks under a microscope hey thanks for showing me that this is what a microscope looks like under a pencil tip thanks for showing me that microwave a microwave is the head chef at olive garden and god he does a good job how tall is danny devito well he's .0007937 nautical miles tall if you never did this you had no childhood don't expose me like that man she's 14. age is just a number you know what else is just a number what so my 911 came over right oh no what happened so he asked my mom why you couldn't go in my room if we've been together for over two years and she says you'll understand when you have a daughter and he said how am i supposed to have a daughter if you don't let me go in the room i'm done woman in front of me at airport security has a bottle of frozen water they want to take it she says it's not a liquid 200 iq siri you need to do a better job at understanding me i'll make a note of that yeah make a note of that noted note of that nsfw oh and it is he's standing on that desk chair do you need to stop that uh his foot's all at the top of the head rest you're gonna fall over you're gonna break something and the worker's not gonna there's no compensation for that man dr enderlin veterinarian slash taxidermist either way you get your dog back that's all i wanted asked my gf to buy me a two pack of socks and she came back with these [Laughter] i would wear those those are sick i'd have all eyes on me get it want to get back on your feet miss two car payments and you'll be back on your feet in a jiffy car pools only two or more persons per vehicle okay and look he's got a hearse two or more 3756 ships out of roughly 53 000 ships that exist worldwide ships wise alone that's a pretty significant percentage roughly 7.09 can you add more decimal points please [Music] 7.09 percent yeah what even is atheism oh it's easy it's a non-profit organization how to start a religion step one go out to the desert step two uh step three prophets plans about the communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them i get it girls who listen to metal expectation but the reality is look at them listening to that medal guys i found out what the past tense remove is i get it wait hold on if satan punishes bad people in hell doesn't that make satan good i'm freaking dead well abraham lincoln is too even cr he's even crying if you could be shot anywhere on your body where would you choose the head oh no i mean where would you be shot to feel the least amount of pain i got you the head shout out to my grandpa because that's the only way you can hear parking reserved for green vehicles and there he is the greenest vehicle actually what did someone say or do that left you speechless oh shut up that skeleton is amazing i wonder how tall it is well at least six feet yeah right about that teacher there are five senses me i can see sounds you can't see sounds then what is this exactly you stupid idiot what a real star wars fan looks like ah i get it cause like the the blades and the yeah i get it that's that's a good star wars joke man i support people's choice to street race because it's a victimless crime until they tape on a family van full of kids killing the entire family no no no no no that street crashing which i'm very against get it right rob in sweden is forbidden by law to be a criminal tap on the screen get it because it's a tap i'm not like most teens i'm in my 40s oh you're not even a teen nice name thanks i got it for my birthday really i got mine for christmas have you ever woke up pretty sad like nothing even happened but you're still somehow still sad yeah my therapist said that's depression chief three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes but nothing to light them with so they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter oh i'm a dumb man i was thinking about that for a hard minute uh where are you from well my mother's vagina no way really i'm from the same that's bad it's a bad joke that's a really bad joke what are the common traits of highly intelligent people oh easy high intelligence i gotta answer that for you easy peasy billionaires aren't self-made men trans men are self-made men that's a fact jack two guys with a banner okay who's gonna be my homie with the banner i want what they have it's a cucumber you can get them at the store idiot wanted a man has been stealing wheels of police cars police are working tirelessly to catch him because they have no wheels i bet he's thinking about another woman it's way too freaking bright in here to sleep yeah look at his face that's the face of a man who can't catch noses it's weird how it's socially acceptable to put someone else's genitals in your mouth but eating to read off the floor after a few seconds is gross what a freaking double standard well my genitals weren't off the floor okay tradition peer pressure from dead people yeah okay i guess being alive is more dangerous than being dead again very true stop saying she's my wife that's sexist af period hello everyone meet lorraine she's the woman i screwed on the night of my wedding i would literally die if a guy did this to me the same the average 18 year old is 18 and a half years old i mean i guess the invention of knocking i'm gonna punch your house until you talk to me i feel like that's the exact thought that went through that person's head long yellow things when you just couldn't remember what the name of the fruit was i mean me personally i would have called them long minions but hey that's just me if a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a but if a man does it he's gay he's gay i can agree with that 2002 gmc sonoma pickup 950 bucks not bad is this still available yes are you flexible at all yeah i can touch my toes is it drinking alone if you're pregnant it is if you keep drinking oh dear god my toddler was about to hit her head on a bar at the playground so i told her to duck and she quacked at me and then hit her head it sounds a lot like zack honestly humans use flashlight to navigate in the dark cats use well-built eyes bats oh i see life is an egg explain has chickens in it sometimes okay thanks pissy jorts when is tuesday well you can imagine my surprise when i found out that tuesday was indeed on tuesday electricity consumption in europe in 1507. oh wow they really didn't use a lot back then did they when you live in the united states this isn't japan shut up that's the second most german thing i ever saw what's the first most german thing you ever saw germany understandable yeah okay bobby has four dimes amy has 30 pennies which child has more money bobby okay he's got that how do you know show your thinking oh wow he is thinking pretty hard there technically speaking this was the least diverse movie recently made oh don't even open up that can of worms man alice places a prepared slide on her microscope but when she looks into it she can't see anything suggest one reason why not she's blind it's hard to argue with his assessment more reasons to avoid water can be extracted from rocket fuel is the main ingredient in pesticides one hundred percent of violent criminals have consumed water in the hours leading up to their crimes is the number one cause of drowning excess consumption will cause sweating urination and possibly death 100 of people exposed to water will die dr enderlin veterinarian and taxidermist either way you get your dog back oh no that is not exactly the way i'd want to look at it everyone has tried to move something with their mind at least once in their lives i can move most of my body parts with my mind oh look at mr talented over here showing off if this virus not done by may i'm gonna have to intervene what are you gonna do intervene not i suppose my man draw a small clock that shows ten minutes past eleven okay memorial baptist church honk if you love jesus text while driving if you want to meet him today number one all fungi are edible number two some fungi are only edible once there are quite a few things that are only edible once for instance my leftover taco bell only one time are you gonna get away with that guys i'm just kidding i never have leftover taco bell study finds every style of parenting produces disturbed miserable adults well anti-vaxx parents have it right then you can't be a miserable adult if you don't become an adult oh god vaccines cause more onion articles why do programmers prefer dark mode because light attracts bugs [Laughter] shut up what's on may 4th monday may 4th when i was a kid i thought vegetarian and lesbian was the same thing well both lifestyles do lack meat yeah except pastrami pizza rolls are just italian gushers why would you say something so controversial and yet so brave and true as alfred once said some men want to watch the world burn who are these men in real life arsonists now you got me there these updates to this game have changed the game yeah that's how updates work at least i'd hope so and for my next trick i will disappear screw you pear you taste like crap oh got him you can't buy an unused mirror now now he's got a bud if i punch myself and it hurts am i weak or strong strong weak an idiot oh that guy's got the right idea one look at medusa and i'm rock hard that's why you got to stare lower than her eye level you know what i mean like right at i'd say teeth level and you'll be fine when your name causes confusion hello i'm tina with two eyes well i'm david with two ears i'd hope so david my own v-op sigasaurus spent one to two hours on this i'm nine years old what's a nine-year-old doing on reddit sharing his awesome dinosaur sketches well that much is clear even if you're like me and you can't pronounce the name because you're dumb number eight also remember the abc rule of first aid a bone coming out through the skin is very bad health 100 years of extreme hairstyles by vanity fair i can't believe it took a hundred years to make this video i know right and it's really showing what disney character has the highest body count thanos this is true oh my god it really is isn't it somewhere out there there's a rock that more people have looked at than any other rock we'll never know what that rock is but it exists the moon i can't believe anybody would forget our good friend the moon i mean come on we see him every night he's our best friend don't look at him don't look at the moon both sexes can screw a pringles can but neither can do it well uh take my upvote behold the pokemon fanbase i'd see what you did there shut up i found a coupon that gives you five dollars off at any store well he's absolutely not wrong bill gates the only youtuber that can buy youtube why buy youtube if you can get an app store play store for free uh what wife we just ate why are you making pancakes me they're for the dogs why are you making pancakes for the dogs they don't know how well clearly he's incredibly correct and if your dog knows how to make pancakes maybe you should look into that a little bit more than oh wow he can make pancakes i replayed this song like a million times already oh god bill you did the math i feel like this post belongs on they did the math rather than technically the truth even though it is technically the truth how would you write i changed a light bulb on your resume i single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of a new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents oh man i love resume padding bikes still for sale yes it is what's the lowest you'll go on it two miles per hour anything less than that and you'll tip over would you eat six donuts oh my honestly my takeaway from this chart is that donuts are healthier than i thought that is very true we drink things significantly worse every day i'd really like to hear the reasoning behind women who won't take their husband's last name because my last name is best and mine is worst i'm sorry nick danielle i recently broke up with my boyfriend because he didn't know how i liked my coffee i like my coffee the same way i like my men without other people's vagina in it wait in it adam and eve sin god your game mode has been updated to survival mode oh that's one way of looking at it i suppose a man hurled racist slurs and a punch at a fedex driver then died after he was punched back dang he sent him to god same day shipping thanks fedex this isn't what i expected when i bought the tickets holy crap that's something i would pay to see no problem take me underneath the sleeping beauty castle in disneyland and let me see that frozen body my daughter just asked r2d2 was there for the whole story and never had his memory wiped so why didn't he just tell luke that vader was his father at some point i just sat there dumbfounded until he shrugged and walked away hey man sometimes it's okay to forget about plot holes and just go on with your frickin life my dog passed away today that seems like an appropriate reaction what holy crap that sucks man i'm going to deliver the baby actually we'd like him to keep his liver don't worry he'll be gen z which means he won't be keeping it for long anyway by asking rick astley to hand you a copy of the movie up you create a paradox whereas he either has to give you up or let you down no god please no a firefly is the opposite of a waterfall holy crap that one's getting to me a little bit condoms don't really guarantee full protection during sex a friend of mine was wearing one and he got shot by the girl's boyfriend well come on man they're only like 98 effective after all how my family sees me how i see my family oh no i get it blow my mind your age is just the number of times you've gone around the sun yes that is indeed how we calculate time here the 90s summed up in one picture oh you are such a little smart ass the jug is 4 7 full it needs 72 milliliters more to be full how much water can the jug hold in total well he's absolutely correct archaeologist grave robber with a degree indiana jones would like a word if you ride a segway naked on the freeway for long enough you get to be on tv there are a lot of things you get to be on tv for if you do them long enough mr shamings am i saying that right god i hope so but my point still stands anyone caught exiting through this door will be asked to leave hold up hi james my boyfriend is a fan of muhammad ali could you make him as a boxer thank you sure he did what he was asked okay seriously that guy's the amelia bedelia of photoshop is this good for wasps no it kills them thank god that's what we're looking for here stay off the tracks they're only for trains if you can read this you're not a train well thanks for crushing my dreams world's fastest gaming pc fastest how exactly if someone that loves all races equally including their own is not racist then someone who hates all races equally including their own is also not racist oh god i did not need to read that today for 24 hours all crimes are legal what crimes will you be committing none because they're now legal listen here you little since james bond constantly introduces himself he'd probably be a terrible spy well from what i remember james bond isn't actually his name god dang it it's terry terry susan i think i'm just kidding i have no idea i made all that up that's a nice ham you got there be a shame if someone put an s in front of it and an e behind it oh i hate you all ufo images are low quality because if they were high quality we would have identified the flying object and it would no longer be unidentified travel plans in 2020 be like expectations reality i'm sorry but i'll take either one of those after the past couple months we've had okay me and quarantine like is tomorrow sunday or june teacher what's more abundant land or water me obviously land mass actually water is far more abundant as it covers 71 of earth but there's still more land under the water yeah this is big brain time what's the main reason for divorce getting married yeah you're right it seems to run on some form of electricity well you're not wrong no no he's not he's very observant as what he is also incredibly handsome your alarm sound is technically your theme song since it plays at the start of every episode wow then we all have absolutely horrible theme songs also we all seem to have incredibly similar ones too i just worry that it makes me look middle-aged i can see why you'd think that way but hey at least you're better defended ah someone's a smart aleck i see student teacher works like a charm the best strategy for defeating enemies is to reduce their health to zero while maintaining your own health above zero i have only just recently learned this while playing resident evil 4. it's insane you just follow this one simple trick and you'll win every time please i'll give you head lmao i already have a head you freaking [Laughter] can we uninstall 2020 and install it again this version has a virus thank you i really appreciate i.t jokes from churches of all things what really brings out the child in me a miscarriage oh god that is not what i was expecting to see warning tearing this tag off will result in you not having this tag anymore oh shoot i want that tag both concrete and glass are mostly made of sand which makes buildings just massive sand castles dude this is a wendy's i'm sorry your dad was pronounced dead i can't believe i've been saying it wrong all these years [Laughter] lazy person fact seven million eight hundred and forty nine thousand three hundred and sixty seven you were too lazy to read that number no i wasn't shut up what has four letters sometimes nine letters but never has five letters uh die i'm just gonna move on to the next post i'm stupid well gotta go i gotta go clock in i sit at work in front of a computer all day just to afford to sit at home in front of a computer all night well at night we get a look at things that we're not allowed to look at during the day now aren't we i'd say it's worth it in my opinion based on what i've seen and by what i've seen i mean zack's only fans run run as administrator wake up after a night of drinking oh yikes no charge it's on the house what's worth every penny a dollar i guess people who sell meat are gross but people who sell fruit and vegetables are grosser on a scale from sloth to cheetah how fast can you run human now that puts it into perspective how do you think we keep the cars here so shiny polish sorry sir oh oh god dang it a baguette in the butt would be a pain in the ass i'm unlearning french a bat photo bombed my moon venus pick yeah well the bet photo bombed my whole 2020. same dude you can fly but only straight down what are you gonna call it gravity it takes 30 minutes to cross what would it take for you to walk across this whole bridge 30 minutes well for me it would probably take at least four hours glasses make you look smarter but you have to fail a test to get them yeah that's right if you need glasses you're actually stupid my first day as a crime scene investigator detective how did this man drown well he couldn't breathe underwater most of us can the use of the term anti-vaxxer suddenly becomes illegal what do you call them instead idiots that's a good word to default to karate is just professional slapping yeah i don't know about that one chief the youngest picture of you is the oldest picture of you oh oh lord nursery rhymes with justin fletcher no it doesn't goddammit tell me something i don't know the word none is just the letter n doing a cartwheel have you seen him now you have that's right i certainly have if cowboys had to social distance that means that the town wasn't big enough for the two of them i see the only people in town putting on proper protective material or them bandits husband and i reminiscing about the time i texted him on the way home can you start cooking those sausages then added this as a cute little heart he cooked two sausages no one literally no one oh yep it is gone that is uh absolutely true there is no one the rotation of earth really makes my day no no i understand it that's that's genius just testing the strength of my countertop don't mind me be careful not to fall into the sink what would i do without you fall into the sink well shucks we all hope that doesn't happen two friends hugging each other in 2020 gotta keep that 40 foot distance you know in technical terms moses was the first to download data from the cloud to a tablet oh god i don't shut up lol one time my grandfather said the depression was all in my head and i said yeah and asthma is all in your lungs i got grounded for a month worth it definitely worth it if you wish to make an apple pie from scratch you must first invent the universe uh what hey look it's a teacup what it's living up to its name it's also quite cheap this was my first cartoon until i met a deer going 80 miles an hour that's a pretty fast deer fun fact deer can jump higher than a house this is due to two main reasons number one houses can't jump and number two deer can wtf well in that case what's wrong shaggy and scooby always run away side by side when fleeing in terror from a monster if a great dane's running speed is 30 to 40 miles an hour that means shaggy can run at the same speed this means that shaggy is the fastest human alive beating usain bolt's top speed of 27 miles per hour nothing oh oh i see that's actually incredibly impressive to me i wouldn't be disappointed by that at all i'd just be blown away motivate your answer go answer go you can't touch me here i'm in the living room don he's got me there you win this time citizen of earth i wish i was cute it is done uh nothing's changed everyone's standards have decreased immensely you are welcome i am the expectation genie reserved for green vehicles well there you go and if you call a cop bottom he could just plead ignorance ago my car screen he could get away with it it's fine before was was was was was is i didn't like that at all question how long does it take an average person to earn a black belt answer an average person will never earn a black belt well i mean when you put it like that why i even make the question my credit score is low but it's because i want to protect myself from identity theft no one can take out a mortgage in my name if i can't even take out a mortgage in my name and that's where you're wrong chad hoy i'll show you who you're talking to chad i'll take three mortgages out in your name the only people in antarctica are scientists so it means that antarctica is the smartest continent on earth who let you up on the stage sir who let you up on the stage to say such things why do you want this job i've always been passionate about being able to afford food and god damn it you've got the job dear god please destroy ice at amazon yo i got you melts ice caps and starts burning the rain forest wait no that's not what i meant at all people who play vault [Laughter] what's i like the uh the elbow drop here randy savage huh a randy savage style double drop from the top rope people who play volleyball versus volleyball is just professional hot potato wait a second he's not even incorrect he's gonna land that elbow drop because he is a hundred percent factual i'm sorry it's over i have two girlfriends just in case one cheats on me i'll have a backup well grande has a solution that's better than that he goes i have zero girlfriends so i can't be cheated on that's 200 iq take your age subtract two then add two that's your age it actually works if you subtract two from your age one second for your birthday then add two it's not your age hey now just wait one second now it's my age according to a japanese legend when you cannot sleep at night it is because you are awake man folklore really had it all figured out i do want to know where this image came from because i love the big blind lights coming from the corner of the room there condoms are not biodegradable condoms are not biodegradable condoms are not biodegradable if you care about the planet have unprotected uh stds and babies are also not biodegradable lol no no no babies are absolutely biodegradable i know from experience good romance starts with a good friendship but a bad romance starts with it starts with rah-rah roma roma gaga ooh that's what a bad romance starts with go yield and stop but on bananas it's just the opposite hold on go ahead and what [Music] a deadly mosquito-borne virus that causes brain swelling in humans has been detected in floor of course it's in florida of course it's in florida yeah this is big brain time scientists this black hole is 23 billion miles in diameter documentary that's more than five football fields what makes you a blood boil anything in anyone is fair game oh you see well temperatures over 212 degrees fahrenheit really do it for me me and the boys oh see i get that peta you're a real funny guy buffalo is a noun buffalo is a location buffalo is a verb meaning to bully it makes me so mad that buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo is a legitimate grammatically correct sentence nice wake this bunny up with an air horn do it quick this cute little rabbit up with an air horn come on give me exactly what oh oh i get it come on little guy get up uh this is adorable here we go this is this is how this is this is exactly what this is exactly what i needed today yeah you sprung to life good morning good morning i hope you had a nice rest caption this ariana grande looking at a wall well daniel you're not wrong but you suck the fun out of it do men still open car doors yeah how old am i getting that mf why are you booing me i'm right what can i do to get healthier doctor uh use a bicycle and cut the carbs me it's not exactly what i meant but i appreciate your ingenuity nicki minaj is 30. how she was born 30 years ago honestly miranda i thought this would be simple to understand by now a lyric off of frank ocean's be yourself many college students have gone to college yeah frank you sure quick animal facts most coyotes are illiterate and that's just how nature intended is that cranberry juice andrew no eric that's my girlfriend would you like some deserts sir oh yes please there's some desert how is it oh it's a bit dry [Laughter] i get it because it's a desert not a dessert see that's real silly because the sand oh it's funny i hate everything about that an earthquake detection camp those eyes are going wobbly woobly you know something's wrong those plates are moving 19 divided by four there you go i i don't get this i don't i don't understand this meme i did not do good in math class i don't know what i'm supposed to be laughing at here please someone help me i need an adult does your mouth often feel dry no matter what you do you may have a common condition called dry mouth every 60 seconds in africa a minute passes tragic really drug users have read it what is the weirdest location you've seen after using a drug woke up on my couch a few hours after taking an ibuprofen for my headache it was the weirdest one you went to cars yes it truly was a masterpiece of film no i mean like are you a car person i'm a human i don't know what these car people are talking about are unless you're talking about owen wilson and cars 3. otherwise i don't want to hear it what was cool when you were young but isn't cool now earth where do you think humanity will be in a decade well we'll be in 2029 uh you're a you're a real smart alec huh get in the parking lot we're gonna fight right now [Laughter] ah yes egg one of the most popular forms of child to eat and you can't even say nothing about it stick man you know they're right you know they're right for the first 18 years of your life your body is under warranty if you get broken the people who made you have to pay for repairs so get broken while you're under warranty that's that's the message let's talk about the face masks what's behind that our faces are behind it actually hey listen we'll go we can we can end the show right now he's got way too much time on his hands you waste a perfectly good herb for your joke oh oh that makes me sad who wins this fight and why you're literally putting the god of thunder against a guy with a sore throat in a halloween costume batman's winning it 2 p.m i'm gonna save the other half of this sandwich for later 206 pm time to finish that sandwich six-year-old fortnite gamers were you killed minecraft's all like sadly yes but i lived a free band-aid with every flu shot hot dogs sign me up friends are like trees they fall down after you hit them multiple times with an action don't ask me how i know don't ask me how i know don't ask me how i do don't ask me security question what was the last name of your first grade teacher my first grade teacher hacking my bank account i'm in why is this so freaking funny well it's a joke homosexuals are gay i mean yeah that's kind of the whole point good observation chief oh hey a pie chart we got the sky the sunny side of the pyramid and the shady side of the pyramid and just like that it's perfectly balanced how to rob a bank in 20 years first of all you owe me start working at the bank doesn't matter the position just as long as we get in there then just go there every day do the work and gain their trust until we get them in the palm of our hand alright so how we get the money that's the beauty of it bro they deposit the money into our bank accounts we get the week month after month then 20 30 years later we walk out the front door like nothing even happened mother effort that's called a job and i'm in love some love some classic key and peel comedy friends are like burns they die if you kill them but why i mean why do they do that though i mean i get when the stinky bird does it but my friend tony he said he could bite bullets like his breakfast cereal four photos of jennifer lawrence that'll make you say that's not jennifer lawrence that's former soviet marshall constantin rakovsky i have two sides the left side in the right side ah yes pink lemonade ingredient number one half gallon store-bought pink lemonade number two is two limes thinly sliced how to make it pour the lemonade into a large pitcher it's called low effort lemonade on a hot summer afternoon you want your friends to think you're cool show them this but guess what you didn't make that lemonade no no no no no that'd be too much work life is a transmitted terminal disease i mean i guess so why can't i find a guy like this ugh hey no i'm literally the guy in the pic but hotter lmao not as cool though she just wants some ice ice baby in which battle did napoleon die his last one where was the declaration of independence signed at the bottom of the page the ravi river flows in which state liquid state what is the main reason for divorce marriage well you get an f but nate plus for creativity so which is it teach the first person that saw medusa was probably like [Laughter] this would have been funnier if he was slowly turning to stone that would have been that would have made it but you know what five points getting robbed just say no your robber legally cannot take any of your possession without your consent thank me later nsfw oh yeah baby time to get hot and bothered oh yeah that's the stuff that's not safe for work right there on the arms of the chair too you're a bad boy oh yeah nobody is born cool except of course of course [Laughter] any tips when entering high school yeah open the door he put his own technically the truth on there uh that's not funny roses are red a greek god is zeus your wii is not thirsty it does not want orange juice but it said please feed me comparison 720p versus 1080p versus 1080i versus 4k all right it only took me about 10 seconds to realize what the joke is here you guys i'm gonna you know what you know what more power to you i get the joke but go to hell you've even upset my dogs look at that they don't even even in the room and they're they're mad at you look what you've done look what you've done what attracted you to our company well i heard you pay money in exchange for work and that's my favorite thing pepsi tastes like soap what kind of freaking soap do you use pepsi i bathe in pepsi you did drink your own piss one sec brb gonna find the video never swallowed by definition not drinking he's got you there andrew if your dog poops please pick it up and there i am with my favorite dog he's pooping hey if you could shoot lightning out of your hands what would you do with that power oh i'd shoot lightning out of my hands that's infinite power introverts in public versus introverts alone ah now this says otherwise you think you're funny you think you're a funny guy i'll knock you out i'll do it [Laughter] this this this subreddit fills me with a kind of anger that i've never felt in my life i tap into a primal rage when i get people who tell me technically the truth moment of tension if the bishop moves forward the queen can capture him this is how chess was invented the joker is officially rated r after all joker without gnar is just a joke that's silly no pills no exercise and only one month you can do it too photoshop courses the best tool to change your body look you even got two tattoos when did you lose your virginity oh sorry it's not virginity when did you lose your virginity in hell no when i was 20 and by heaven the best way if you rip a hole in a net there will be less holes than before hey now just wait a minute today i learned blind people have a hard time drawing because they interpret the world as three-dimensional and struggle to portray it as two-dimensional and here i am an idiot thinking it's because they can't see imagine knowing a guy that could solve all your financial problems without asking for his name is employment the uk population has increased to 66.4 million how and why has this happened shagging i mean honestly yeah that's a that's a pretty good pretty good answer kevin situation under control i'm gonna press the button and if i see the word situation under the control key i'm gonna lose my mind oh there it is you do this to me at my darkest hour unbelievable honestly just completely and totally disrespected space could be filled with vampires but we would never know because telescopes use mirrors oh come on now mortise don't say something like that and that brings us to the end of our slash technically the truth and if you like the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from mk and as always i'll be seeing you [Applause] [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 4,568,955

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/TechnicallyTheTruth, compilation

Id: BRj21Se-odk

Length: 71min 3sec (4263 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 21 2021