Never Marry A Crafty Woman. Jamie Lissow

my wife's my school man we um we do argue sometimes but I think that's just normal right I mean men and women living in one house and we're like so different that's just what's gonna happen and I don't think either of us mean to get on each other's nerves I think it's just something that happens you know like my wife likes to do this thing where she wakes up an hour before me she drinks a bunch of coffee and then she starts to yelling at me is if I have also been up drinking coffee but I haven't like my eyes are closed I'm in bed which I feel like you saw like the international symbol for hey leave me alone I'm sleeping I'm just saying like rarely do you see someone with their eyes closed in a bed and go like what's that guy doing fishing no he's sleeping always yeah but she loved to get up early you know and she always did the same thing to me you know she believed me they chained me like oh my oh my goodness what's happening what's going on it's like then she's always did the same thing so he's gonna listen you know we should do today which by the way no woman has ever said do you know what we should do today followed by something awesome it's it's kind of always something only they would like to do it's never it's never awesome you know it's no it's never like you know we should do today what I thought I'd massage you and you'd watch basketball oh my goodness I'm awake I did not expect that I would have actually gotten up last night if I thought that was gonna happen I would have gotten up an hour before I went to sleep I thought there is a chance of a massage with some basketball but you guys know you know that that's not what happens it's not what happened instead she goes you know we should do today and I go once because I want us to go to the craft store which did you hear that in the room that tension like all I said was craft store and you could hear a lot of different emotions like a guy right back there was just like oh did you hear that like he'd been punched in the stomach he was like no ha and although some of the women I can hear you getting like excited like inside you're like oh my goodness I actually need I need googly eyes that is so where'd he said that IV googly eyes we're fresh out of googly eyes we have like one left which makes no sense they should sell me the numbers are there crafty people here my wife is like super crafty and it's cool that she has a hobby and if there's any like young people and I'm losing you on this I'll just tell you real quick basically crafting just to explain it to you it's basically like so you could buy something at a store right but for a little bit more money you could make a crappier version with no yelp reviews with no way to return it without hurting someone's feelings Oh my wife was because she was good at it she was like really really crafty but it was just like for me like where I'm coming from is it was just it was new as a stressful for me because I would have trouble I'm not the smartest guy I would have trouble figuring out like in our house what was valuable and what was trash like he was almost impossible to figure it out I upset my wife this one time like she got so upset you guys that's the that's the last thing I want is my wife to be upset and she got upset and you know what I did all I did was I threw away an empty sauce jar that's all I did right and my wife wakes up she goes where did the sauce jar go it was on the counter hey guys I threw it away and she goes why would you throw it away and I go I it was it was honest awesome it's some kind of trick question or something there was no sauce in it you know so I threw it away because I remember when we had bought it we're like we need sauce I thought that's why we've been we've been keeping it around for the sauce that was in it you know that's what it says on the outside of the bottle I would want someone to open it like somebody took it so that's that's kind of why I threw it away and she goes well I was gonna make a craft with that I go where there's no way you know I would have known that you know cuz I still only have just the five senses still still still being a human you know and would you believe in this and I don't want to upset her but would you believe 24 hours later I did almost the exact same thing I threw away you know the things the eggs come in what are they called a cup the egg carton which by the way do you feel that silence I just want to say guys if you see an egg carton you just leave it Aleve it right where it is you don't touch it the egg carton is like the bit point of Pinterest they fluctuate in value you know that it's only a finite amount on earth just don't touch it nobody told me that you know I just woke up and I saw an egg carton and it was empty and I don't like clutter and so the recycle truck was trying to come by and I was like oh my goodness a guy loves these instead of ran out there he's got a whole truck full of it so I went out there loves it went through it in the truck and I come back inside and my wife is staying there and she's like where'd the egg carton go that was on the counter I could no no you're kidding me no he didn't know I it's just like what my god I thought I couldn't even tell her and I didn't want to tell her I threw it in the guy's truck I go if she finds out about that guy she'll start dating him kind of compete with that he's gonna hold trot bullet craft items all the egg cartons you could want he probably has some facility I'm telling her about that I can't come can't compete with that I go honey I'm really sorry and she goes why would you throw it away I advise you know it's out of eggs mainly you know that was probably the number one reason you know cuz I woke up and I was like you know you can't you know cook that for breakfast everybody will die so I threw it away and so I'm just nervous all the time in my own home like it's been eight years since I threw some away yeah like if you came to my house and you're like dude where's your garbage I don't know I don't know where it is and if you find it don't even tell me cuz I don't want to get in trouble anymore seriously when I'm done with something I just pile it up on her side of the bed like a gentleman you know let her soar through when she has time you know she walks in like what are all these dirty diapers doing here I'm like I don't know maybe you're making some sort of poop quilt how am I supposed to know what is valuable and what is trash I don't know I don't know anymore how is happening just being safe [Music] but I guess my whole point you guys it's just it's just sometimes we don't want like I don't I just don't want to go to the craft store you just don't want to go but you don't you oftentimes don't get a choice even if you try to get out like I tried to get out of it every single time she was well honey I'd like you to go to the craft store with me I call I don't I don't wanna I go what is there any way I could not go and she goes no you know I'd really like you to go I go uh what do you imagine my role would be at the craft sorry what exactly are you expecting from this guy right here yeah and she was well I want your opinion you know sometimes I find two things alike I'm not sure which one to get I want to know what you think you know I go okay uh I don't care yeah about any of it you know so that's how I feel about all that stuff so maybe you should go by yourself you know if you find two things you like you could hold them up and imagine me going honker and then I can just stay here you know and then that way both of us would be happy instead of just those of us that are you again and then I don't even remember the argument ending and all of a sudden I was just I was just pushing the cart and it smelled like pine cones I'm like you gotta be kidding me I feel like this happens to guys more than women I could be wrong but I get in like these bad moods in my friend where ever one I see I just wanna I'm not gonna do it but I want to punch him just like everybody for no good reason I saw this guy and all it was he had a brass rooster in his cart and it just infuriated me the whole thing and maybe I wanted to punch him punch the rooster like why see buying it just made me so mad for so on so many levels like first of all why are they selling them second of all why are you buying them now you're you're encouraging them and I go woody what are you making a metal farm like what's happening why would you why would you need that and I'm just in a bad mood and I'm pushing my car and I'm not paying attention then we're on the corner hit carts against this guy because I wasn't paying attention he wasn't paying attention I look up and it was this really old guy right like a much older man I could tell when I was little I want to punch ever I could tell in his head he was like help like oh dude I feel so bad I saw it I saw the look in his eye I don't even know what to do I just saluted him I said thank you for your service because I just is that what you say I don't even know I just think in this guy just probably going to crafts stores for 60 or 70 years every single week then I started thinking this guy was probably around before they even had craft stores he probably hadn't go out in the forest to get pinecones this poor guy he's fighting bears so somebody can make a bird feeder nobody wants the guy is my hero you know and so finally I can't find my wife anywhere and finally I see her and I walk over and I'm like honey how do you know how do we how we get out of here like what has to happen for us to get out of here because I'm losing it and she goes oh I'm so glad you're here and I go what's going on she goes I need your help I got winning my help with and she goes which one of these should we get and he for a million dollars for 1 million dollars in cash I could not tell you what she was holding like I'm not trying to be a jerk I just don't even know what is like a ball but not balls that you know like sport buzzes like decorative balls he's like which one of these is better and I'm like I don't know how to I don't know how to play I don't know what's happening why would one be better you know I hate I hate all of them and everything in here everybody especially the ball I hate everything but you gotta help you guys try to help your watch they go oh honey what do you get what are you gonna do with them and just well oh you know that shelf right beside the television with nothing on it now I go uh I don't I don't think you're lying to me I dunno I'm sure there's a shop I've just never you know why would you look away from the television that seems stupid do you like how many channels does the shelf have probably not probably and then I go to maybe we don't even need to do it since I'm just now even finding out about the shelf never even glanced over there but I wanted to be happy so I go what do you what are you thinking what you're thinking of doing she as well I want to get a bowl okay then I take the balls and put them in the bowl and then put them on the shelf so people can come over and be like there's that I'm paraphrasing a little bit to quicken the story um she said more words but I remember what they were there was something of that nature I'm just trying to short enough for you got an out so I look into the cart and there's all these balls right there's like so many there's so many balls and but there's not one ball and so I start thinking I got it figure it out I know how to how to get home we just got to find the the bowl and so I go honey I want to help you let's find the ball is that am i right we just find a bowl and we get to go home cuz I'd like to help you find the bowl and I would also like to go home and she goes well no you know they don't have the exact bowl that I want here I just I already checked the bowl section so we just got a real quick swing by at the craft store on the way home that's what we gotta swing by the other craft store you guys I was already mad at this point I just blacked out I don't even remember what happened but I guess I just started yelling at the store itself I was like come on Michael get it together what's going on Michael I was waving a glue gun around where's Michael I want to talk to Michael right now where is he I want to speak with Michael sir there is no Michael that's what I thought I didn't think he would do that to his own people maybe Michelle would but not Michael and I don't want you guys to think I'm like an angry guy or a bad guy it's just I you know I'm already mad now I find out I got to go across town I got to see freakin Joanne because Michael doesn't have his stuff together UK me right now hey did you know Drybar comedy has their very own app you can check it out men download it right now it'll take two seconds you can watch save and share clips and you can watch my entire special right there on the app

Channel: Dry Bar Comedy

Views: 446,648

Rating: 4.9030638 out of 5

Keywords: Clean Comedy, Dry Bar Comedy, Stand Up Comedy, Worlds Largest Library of Clean Comedy, Jamie Lissow, Jamie Lissow Dry Bar Comedy, Jamie Lissow COmedy, Jamie Lissow Comedian, Dry Comedy Bar, Dry Comedy Stand Up, Clean Stand Up, Clean Stand Up Comedy, Clean Stand Up Comedy 2020, Clean Stand Up Comedy Clips, Clean Stand Up Comedy Full Show, Dry Bar Full Show, Clean Stand Up Comedy Routines, Crafty, Craft Store, fun crafts, MGTOW, arts and crafts, joann, michaels, glue gun, dbc

Id: S4eH-bak6sg

Length: 15min 23sec (923 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 22 2020