Menopause Is Worse Than PMS. Jeff Allen

marriages it's give-and-take it's it's it's you make you make concessions you make things you know I I'm a recovering drug addict alcoholic of it I've been 32 years without a drink I've married 33 years so after a year of marriage I realized it was one or the other and I made a decision to quit enough Tammy has had closet vision for 33 years and it's one of those things that drives me crazy as a husband but she won't do anything to correct it and now you tell me this is closet vision for 33 years this is how we have a date to go out Tammy will get in the shower get out of the shower she'll wrap herself in a towel so stand in front of her Maris will do her hair do her makeup and then she'll walk into her closet and go blind for an hour all I hear coming out of the closet there's nothing to wear nothing nothing every now and then she'll emerge holding something what do you think of that and I'll say you look beautiful and that should go you're just saying that you're right I am I don't care put on burlap let's just get to the restaurant before they change management one more time and I was thinking about her this has got to go back to the Garden of Eden it really does it says in the Bible Adam and Eve sinned for the first time it was the first time they felt shame shame of their nakedness and they felt that they could clothe themselves they could hide their shame from God it was the first time mankind clothed themselves so you know Adam got dressed right away first leaf on the ground I'm ready let's go he probably shot that garden 3-4 days never found anything just why not I don't really expect this to where there's nothing to wear around here and I was gonna try the fig nobody was a fig after September you idiot try the firm the firm makes me look fat I'm telling an animal a name Connie here it's amazing how quick Tammy's vision would come back once she was dressed because she'd leave the closet look at me and go whoo you're not wearing those clothes out are you these are my practice clothes they went out of style while I was waiting for you to get dressed I mentioned my grandbabies I am a grandfather and anybody I really hear as a grandparent knows those are the most special special people on the planet they really are and there's heartwarming and I could tell you where I was and what time of day it was when my granddaughter the first grandchild we had said my name Poppa she was in the bathtub we were watching her she was at the house and she was splashing around a tub in the early evening and my wife calls me into the bathroom she says you got to hear this my little granddaughters sitting there and Tammy says Evelyn who is that and Evelyn goes I'm telling you man I started crying and that's what Tammy said you need to get a blood test for that lo T stop oh yeah she says you need to go get tested for lo T and I said yes sir I answered my wife that's what you do you honor your wife I got tested blood test anyway they call me up and they go you don't have lo T I go I don't he goes no you have no t90 we had a retest you it was so long they told me I was elevated in estrogen I had high estrogen levels and no testosterone which explained all the hgtv I had been watching yeah my friends would call me on Sunday hey man the Bears around I go no way man Chip and Joanna got his special so I said that a doctor if I do this T thing if I do this T thing what will it do for me and he said you'll be like a 25 year old man again oh it really will I be that stupid cuz I gotta tell you I don't think my body could survive my 20s again I really don't this is not a be like a 25 year old no and I go really I got a 58 year old menopausal wife at home I think I should consult her to see if she wants a 25 year-old man chasing her around she finally put a knife in my chest and ended I know she would next thing you know she's on Dateline trying to defend herself never watch Dateline I'm telling you the whole franchise the spouse is killing each other that's it men men watch five date lines with your wife you'll look her right in the eye we do it all right you and me I'm telling that menopause I didn't see it coming I really did there are nights that I lie in bed and dream about the good old days of PMS trust me there are weeks that go by I cannot get our home cold enough for her body I'm telling you there's not enough freon in the world if there's a hole in the ozone it's over the roof of my home in Tennessee 48 degrees in my bedroom I got meat hanging off my curtain rods she walks in it turns out some 64 bladed fan she installed I had a boat the first or the floor to keep him getting sucked up through the room she stands in the middle of the room why is it so hot in here Jeffrey why is it so hot I can't see her because of the fog that's coming out of her mouth and then she wakes me up to feel her night sweats is that even necessary I'm sound asleep when she zips my parka open while I'm way in there wake up and feel this Jeffrey it's disgusting look at me there's like a furnace in me you're sorry you're lucky you don't have to go through this you know I wouldn't if you quit waking me up and tell me about I could sleep right through the purse parading doesn't make a lot of noise in one night I wake up there's a human being at the foot of my bed three o'clock I know I love you've ever had this there's a full grown human and treated darkroom I was that was that a heart attack it was her she says the foot of my bed is cutting off the bottom of her flannel pajamas with the scissors because they were sticking to her sweaty legs and his demonic thing was coming out of her mouth I can I grabbed my son's the next day said mom's going through some serious stuff like what remember those nights you didn't do your homework she'd get mad yeah I'll let you read a lot of goods and remember that this is different she might be crying and then stab you

Channel: Dry Bar Comedy

Views: 437,994

Rating: 4.9403839 out of 5

Keywords: Clean Comedy, Dry Bar Comedy, Stand Up Comedy, Worlds Largest Library of Clean Comedy, Jeff Allen, Jeff Allen Dry Bar Comedy, Jeff Allen Comedy, Jeff Allen Comedian, Dry Comedy Bar, Dry Comedy Stand Up, Clean Stand Up, Clean Stand Up Comedy, Clean Stand Up Comedy Clips, Clean Stand Up Comedy 2020, Clean Stand Up Comedy Full Show, Dry Bar Full Show, Jeff Allen Full Show, Clean Stand Up Comedians, Menopause, PMS, dateline, night sweats, hot flashes, MGTOW, Marriage, closet tour

Id: I7WE3g5lRhc

Length: 7min 2sec (422 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 19 2020