Monster Factory: Stopping All of the Crimes in Saints Row: The Third

[Music] Oh Justin it looks like we're in for a little bit of a reverent comedy yeah this is already very silly I think we're thinking just have some of the usual like action game tropes and they're gonna just turn them on their ear with a bunch of piss jokes yeah Griffin I think that we're in for a button-down experience that'll be just like every other game there's art and there's our first swear oh oh damn here it comes they see it's infectious they say media doesn't influence you but you're cursing oh they sure did here I go bastard whoa piss hell hi I'm Neil Gaiman welcome to piss hell my weekly anthology series terror abounds in piss hell in piss hell it's a special heck for your pee I want somebody who's gonna follow all the rules of the land that our government worked so hard to make for us specifically for us to better us look at this John Cena looking [ __ ] yeah he's a tough fella good lord THQ thirsty I'm thirsty much y'all I think that they ran out of money because they were so busy just sculpting I mean I know y'all didn't make the game but I know how the game development process works and there were many emails sent to volition like get those nipples so hard there's really detail the areolas what its new children what's normal well apparently this thing this according to this triangle this is what a completely average body looks like which like yeah that's just a usual body yeah that works for me I mean I am all bumpy like a lobster down there so yeah baby baby baby I'm a baby I'm 0 years old this is what babies look like I can't wait to have one of these little things this is a bat so I'm gonna go ahead and say we've had some bad sliders here yeah we've seen some bad ones in our day but this yep this is the place where no middle sliders is really gonna be tested it goes straight from featureless - gonzo nose skin many so many oh so many wonderful options we can make them like a little marble we can give this human boy an ice cream paint job hi I'm grimace and I'm here to beat ass I'm sex grimace welcome Donald land 2.0 no come in here come in here sex Hamburglar this is bad at hell get that stripey dingdong out you crime watch crime alert I'm looking for low crime now on the street no I'm looking for sky crime looking for dirt crime looking for a cloud crime someone stole all the dang clouds this is an old crime hating trophy man good huh hey hey there whippersnappers cut out the crime want to see my dick get bigger no problem oh that's a crime I broke my own it's the whole credo looks like Gonzo's knows hey I really enjoy oiled asian me too that's it that's a body I could really see myself in and I mean that quite literally I can see your reflection right now wait come on zoom in close right oh you see the left areola just up in to the right a little there I am hi everyone hi Griffin thanks for watching my comedy video we can do the eyes big again I think we got to go randomize until we have like a really good starting off point okay cuz right this is a whole new creation now now it's a whole new ballgame okay see like this we could have missed out on mmm crime not on my watch I think I might go to the grocery store next door and steal a candy bar no no crime no crimes crown I would love him to have a crime oh that's not what else hey [ __ ] hey good job God these are both exquisite these are both absolutely wonderful oh man that's good this that's really a hate crime you're spacing he's got to hear the crime so good your depth oh my god get those Lisa lobes so huge space the tips okay no we've actually literally made batboy some where Frank Miller is watching this like yep yes very good just as I just as intended yeah this is my style you guys got me he looks like every elf from an early Elder Scrolls game oh my god wants to Rubik whoa both very good I mean you could serve a crudite on those things I like to imagine this is what Bob Kane presented to 2dc the first time he's like and this is Batman I did my best I did my very best and I tried really no but I'll be the first one to say I didn't do good enough I wouldn't make a comic about this and I don't suggest you do either good day good day please do not make my comic book about a man named bat that's another thing we need to circle back to mouth depth does he eat crime I think he might eat crime tastes the crime what's his origin story why does he hate criminal crime so much why does he want to eat it and taste it and see it and hear it and sell it and stop it he um he killed his parents in an alley after watching Zorro yeah after with Antonio Banderas he killed his parents in an alley and the he did it's so bad that they named it Crime Alley and he thought well that's embarrassing just try to kill my parents see that's a fun twist on the on the usual formula I [ __ ] love that look so much but I'm confused and scared by the look and I'm worried about the look I mean that way the hair hugs the ears is so good and purely good it looks like it was designed like they shouldn't have thought of this facial structure yet they did holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] you don't get better than that it just don't get any better than this do it get better no no I shake my whole body to confirm or deny things roll up people be like what's with that perm though my crime you've stopped it hey wait a minute go back to the monk for a second and ruminate on the Gargamel has a Gargamel flavor on this excuse me how's the Gargamel - oh it's delicious really in season you're gonna love it hints of chestnut in the Gargamel it feels like he would have a natural hair colour like it's coloring your hair a crime isn't that lying kind of yeah I guess it should be yes no crime here stop the crimes everybody look you showed up it's mean nasty crime boy I know that may make it seem like I'm here to do crime quite the opposite I don't change my dang hair nasty crime boy Gertrud messy crime boy why not don't tell me what my name Kanna cannot be I've got a weird black hand on my chin oh my god it's just like handlebars for riding that dirty nose actually the weird thing about giving this creature hair is that it is started to make him look more I always get this like right before we finish where it's like this didn't look that weird I think I can we come desensitize all right well here look away from your computer load up I want you to get on the internet and I want you to look at a picture of just an average male person so like a Jim Caviezel you think he's got a pretty average face I think about the most average as you can get like a Jim Caviezel or someone from Big Bang Theory okay okay there's a character on Big Bang Theory named dimbo and whatever the actor is that plays dimbo on Big Bang Theory they have just like a very average look and I just want you to like sort of look at them real quick just gonna think his name is dimbo I've searched for Big Bang bimbo and it did not get me much no it was troll bus' drovers tropas the one that loves science and planet troll basis' TR you with an umlaut ll Bice ok troll troll best big bang fear it's only bringing me pictures of Jim Caviezel still no that's who plays it Jim Caviezel Astro bus alright I'm gonna switch over to that okay I'm looking at pictures of Jim Caviezel okay now really refresh the palate and I'm gonna censor our creation here and for a second good news for those who are bad at typing plugging in Jim Caviezel to Google image still gives you what you need now Jim Caviezel is another character on Big Bang Theory it's troll buses lover now switch back to the window of saints row ah okay good yeah he doesn't look anything like Jim Caviezel really what's the name on this one Timbo the nasty crime boy I think it might be trouble the crime eater oh god there's so many more options we can't wrap the thing up yet I know cancel the cancel the screen showing the name holy [ __ ] Travis sweet Jesus oh okay got a crime eater that like I'm feeling that that is my madness maybe a little maybe a little faint that's so good Oh Travis I want something really irreverent like a South Park joke you know yeah something you see you should be like I can't believe he did that that one's good that one I like because he's just putting that big old gonzo nose right on the ground now this one that's what I'm talking about that's the kind of irreverence I'm thinking of [ __ ] yeah just like a South Park or a Family Guy episode I love it I love that South Park humor we should slow it down but other than that it's perfect [ __ ] yeah dude look at that family guy bro it's so funny okay wait a minute there's one called pet detective I'm gonna need a preview oh dude that is so good dude what dude Justin dude Justin listen what if there was a Borat I think we have to go maximum big yeah maximum big skinny gets a little vampiric to me with it with the rest of it I think that that maximum bigs in the bigness Oh also the other thing is that when I look directly at this I am looking directly at it right now it makes me want to [ __ ] my pants alright no crime guarantee no matter what the game asks us to do no murders well you can hold somebody that's fine I can punch this fella give him a punch for us love he's gonna let him go no Kay so that was the first product just set him down that doesn't count he's alive and his Bloods gone so there's no evidence of it Sean D you're doing a great job okay good you guys good that's gonna keep him from doing any crime yeah and then I put him in us I used to sleeper move on it oh this should be easy I just gotta get out of here without crying it up yeah just get a parachute let me get let me get all the bullets out of this gun everyone I have a loaded gun please get out of the way I've disposed of it wait sir sir Sir sir please this is not a good time for hugs sir I love you as well make sure you deploy your parachute soon sir this is getting a little danger I didn't press that button i do not own that okay I'll protect you I gotta get these bullets out of the gun but there's infinity of them please stay out of the way boy but these guys are crime in a lot which is the only problem and also I'm about to go to heaven and that'll be good cuz there's no crime there I guess I don't know how long I can space invaders this this [ __ ] okay wait wait from wait um this is a little bit of a stretch but they're shooting at you so could you make the argument that it's self-defense its self-defense a crime not according to sky law and right now oh there's no laws up here yeah that's a good point in this guy there's no loss to break you're fine and I'm an air I'm an Air Marshal I think I think that's what that means we just got to get on terra firma where the real crime are this taking place yeah it's again I think you're fine up here yeah I'm not under the jurisdiction of bird Court right avian law does not apply to humans no I'm not subject to the cloud can counsel's rulings or order as they refer to you in avian Court the flightless ones there's war huh wow that's a lot of voice falling boys like I know I'm not under their jurisdiction but I'm almost certainly going to get a letter from the Cloud Council about this there's guys I mean you can only get so wet right yeah we were already where are these guy out log all right we can't come back to the sky okay now now we're presented with a first real challenge because it says we need to steal a car okay okay I'm thinking of some ways around this okay we find the person who owns the car and we legally buy it from them and obtain a writ of sale okay wait a minute Oh Griffin I got it it's this old man's car holy [ __ ] whoa okay this always this car sale went all dicks up so fast okay listen the car's parked in an alley right yes well that's certainly a thoroughfare for traffic that car is impeding track yes it's getting towed it's good you got to tow it we got a access the cell phone map this is dangerous stay on the right side boy I wish oh man this is gonna be really tricky because some people are just like in the road chillin yeah that's a gun definitely above the speed limit all right well it down I can pass on the left right not in the oncoming traffic okay boy this car really has some get up and go and it's kind of difficult to obey the laws it's almost like they don't want you to yeah it is weird I can't pass on the right that much I know that's fine oh oh hello sir me and you friends to the end excuse me though I need to turn left oh right like oh no hold on that car just hit that other car citizen's arrest I want to chase some but I'd have to break a few laws in order to do so damn it I got to be faster on this holy [ __ ] okay that's a crime that's definitely a crime and that one's punishable by crime [Laughter] you got to do the crime to make the crime excuse me sirs I'm gonna need to ask you a few questions they did all right so I'm going to need to you're next in the crime book I'm going over I'm going to shoot a tracer bullet at you to come at you later please wait I'm calling the police now all right I'm calling Shawnee to call the police in the meantime I'm afraid after immobilize your vehicle you do the crime you get the crime all right they're not going anyway the cops will be here soon excuse now sir it's a swift justice this Sunday this is out but you did kick me in the torso hold on I can't just drive away god I'll call the police again to come get this body out of the way I'm causing real a real traffic seen those okay more crimes like excuse me there might be several of you in here so let's just take our time with this one and do the paperwork passing on the left do you have a wanted level right now no dog I'm never gonna have a wanted level I love law hey everybody I'm here to sell all my guns won't be meeting these in you'll be needing these thank you this isn't crime is it no all right I don't know what I'm holding is that the sonic boom I think it's a sonic boom I don't know if this is just like a shock wave I need something your mugging your mugging stop stop oh my god no just in what do we do it didn't happen I gotta turn myself in yes this is fine hello are you a cop do you know any cops all right so that's what that weapon does non-lethal that's fine well okay well he left and everyone saw it all right I'm definitely got to get arrested this time how do i how do I do this all right sorry hello officer these are stunned bullets right this is how we arrest shon-di swanda John look what you made me do Sean d which one was my car does anybody remember I think you were driving the really fast looking cool yeah that one right there that was seven if not it's blocking traffic citizen's arrest you banged that's fine justice dispensed this was my car right I'm having a great time here we go God head hats not none good basketball shorts yeah huge basketball shirts I don't know we can affect the size of them but we can have them I mean America colors yeah yeah yeah that's crime that's good and this is good cuz it's a Globetrotter teachers like yeah yeah if they need another dunk ologists yeah does the best feel on Congress now I'm wondering oh well [ __ ] yeah I mean first of all the silhouette is off because I know it's a gonzo situation yeah yeah perfect now we are ready to know well that was crime oh [ __ ] I remember this mission oh this is going to be crime full Justin don't you stop getting back on Justin this may be unconventional I may have to use the teleport gun be him them to the safety zone you're gonna love the safety zone there's cool drinks and hot eats [Laughter] for you to the no crime Dairy Queen very creepy brevet device for a weapon I was gonna say weapon it's a dairy free times DQ hey make sure you don't forget your 15% off coupon hey ice cream cake hey Francois snag me a dippy bar hey please please don't get a large blizzard I do have a town running and having trouble getting shifts there get me a nerds Blizzard boy I'm sure glad this game has a teleport gun in it some of these situations would have been so tricky excuse me Sarge you gotta get down here we'll be extremely cautious individual he's sitting us all to DQ for free come hungry and thirsty I mean oh Justin - this just in new technology it's a gun that shoots so it puts it tases your body but it sends your consciousness to a virtual Dairy Queen environment okay we're fine that's a shame I really wanted to try out my Dairy Queen teleport bullets done oh they go they've got him on there a little bit worried about the car he's hitting with the special jelly rounds we invented so this is a this is a special wondrous little doodad that makes cars take naps now I'm seeing a combo multiplier up here couple constant ank kill but I'm assuming that's a bug we should probably contact volition about that no it was supposed to say Hank Hill from king of the hill and then he shows up and he's like a propane okay okay all right gp2u oh my god it's cheap easy in this game I forgot hey everybody hey everybody look at that it's cheap Edie gang operation discovered found whoa oh [ __ ] how do I do this do i Robocop it or it's not a crime if you accidentally hit them with your car right not if I don't look at it while it happens that's fine that was fine this is good bye all right fine okay still gotta get one more in huh like this is the kind of behavior like try to he's trying to get him to admit what games are gonna be half off nice week you came or teleport both of you to Dairy Queen now oh no he's fine we just do it real quick I can't seem to call CBT anymore we're gonna be good though thank you what is this sort of matter that they leave behind when they go to Dairy Queen I wonder it's like one of the things I haven't asked the scientists about yet yeah I mean they drop their guns which is definitely good cuz I don't want that Dairy Queen is a gun-free zone also I'm getting a lot of respect for taking these people to Dairy Queen enough people there I'm worried you might create a fire hazard which would be a crime you might be violation of code oh there's a garage right here it's called rim jobs Justin did you see that I [ __ ] love that [ __ ] South Park humor I'll borrow this this is not a crime if it's a bar Aziz okay they just did a cool flip over the car unharmed practicing for their stunt career practicing parkour how about uh I mean I already crime this one so that's for crimes total add it to the crime board no you burned this one no I mean I don't think I'll be able to give it back the owners around about he's about to hide out a DQ that's what we're we stopped in Texas oh I own this [ __ ] store that's an overeater what about my rights as a business owner as a [ __ ] small business this is this is exactly the problem with America I'm about to Dairy Queen that thing out of the [ __ ] sky I'm basically a police officer at this point no crime crime not done peacemaker that's basically my name not a crime everyone hated that this is gonna be risky Justin I'd give myself a role-playing game Oh Ellen GPG is still a Dairy Queen huh god that's really it's really quite a wait imagine all right so I'm gonna shoot up at them this is illusions of Gaia a classic quintet Enix project so they've got it and they're gonna play it in Dairy Queen and that thing that appear from the sky is a meteorite can you believe it and [Music] this one here is uh oh I am sincere no that one's brand new I can't wait to see how good it is and that just sort of makes everyone go to sleep it's not very good I guess review see you hop up there ah Chrono Cross I love that one another copy of Chrono Cross there's four disks and everyone's just off playing their screen it's classics about it boy they're gonna be surprising you I hope they do keep following you because they are going to be mightily surprised when you turn the table and get the D human be loud with its mobile DQ teleporter a blizzard blizzard dispenser that red beam is a hunger indicator everybody think outside the bun this is a runway this is fine so I'm just distributing a few dip ease I feel like maybe this character has changed and now he's not so much a crime stopper as he is a Dairy Queen salesman I'm going to punch this car okay and it makes a one flash boy and it's going to kick off a series of events not maybe not oh no yes okay all right I've just I just lit one candle there do you know might be helpful here is Chi PD busy let's just check on him and see if yeah he's no yeah I'm very busy he's might be a DQ for a while maybe Sean D she can help to elevate things before I know I'm saying I don't need to like look at this I just okay see ya you punch one punch one should I punched one car okay so thanks whoa why do you oh he pulled that dildo bat out and he's like no no no it's not ready yet things have not popped off that much you need a vehicle hey criminal now I think that's my fifth six crimes six crimes and when I win a while without doing them and then I did two very quickly seven crimes speed light red light don't go over those excuse me got a laser pointer this is what a good cotton crime man does they're just highlighting me hi boys in the force I really like to highlight a good non-crime doer today everybody look at this guy arched it is above the weak is this guy tourbus Trumbull here are nine types of maritime crime okay maritime piracy not gonna do any of that that's easy drug trafficking I don't think I'm doing that although I haven't looked at my inventory can I take a police officer on a fun cruise just in yeah he won't come with me come on he wanted come on a fun free boat trip God if you could shoot that fall into the boat that would be amazing you ready make this shot no scope ah okay we're gonna just eyeball this thing how many upgrades do we need two please stop punching for just a moment please there's a real there's a very real chance you might accidentally punch me into the river and nobody wants that yeah that was so embarrassing I got my cell phone okay that's just you know that won't work cuz this man is my boat friend here we go you got this don't look behind you go kid okay one more upgrade one more upgrade better boat aim run go go go go perfect perfect come on come on come on yes yes yes yes stay in the boat damn it how does this keep happening to me damn my luck did something happen at the big hero and the whale is a pepper now it's art you want getting smart come on everybody's a critic all right everybody - bye - I'm building an ark this place has too much crime we need to leave it all together it go ma'am go ma'am now turn around and I'll art me please you got you threw off the angle of my dangle this might give this might take a while oh is that working [ __ ] ma'am it is imperative you do not stand in front of it ma'am it may be though it may be the worst and final mistake of your life somebody has a chicken stirred basket craving that will not be denied all right here we go really yes god I'm so [ __ ] yes go go go go go just sit down - put the bat down and [ __ ] chill so let's give a final rating here spin around he just went in for a quick dip I my phone rating is I give trama five stars of notoriety because he's a superstar of my heart and I really appreciate his failed attempt to not do any crimes and I'm not bad I think thanks again to Dairy Queen hot eats good treats sweet meats at Dairy Queen come on down word you in a summer promotion where you can get a breath you can get meats you can get a [ __ ] basket of whatever that's what it says go to the sign on the door that says fresh basket or whatever get your rocks off right back into the kitchen fill it up however you see fit cash from the register they don't give a [ __ ] it's all up to you and till next time this is where we stopped in Texas [Music] [Music]

Channel: Polygon

Views: 1,592,981

Rating: 4.9368148 out of 5

Keywords: video games, videogames, gameplay, polygon, Saints Row, Saints Row 3, Monster Factory, Griffin McElroy, Justin McElroy, Dairy Queen, monster factory saints row, saints row the third, saints row character creation, saints row 3 character creation

Id: qQVlGrwG9yo

Length: 31min 31sec (1891 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 22 2016

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