Monster Factory: Dino-crime in Ark: Survival Evolved

Justin we're back the EPA tried to shut us down they said we were producing too much smog by burning up all the video games nobody ever goes in nobody ever comes out of the monster factory or the sphere we sold five golden tickets and you video watcher or a possession of one of them congratulations and I'm sorry we're gonna play Ark uh I've never played this game you've never played this game of going in dark but I heard a lot of people say you can make all kinds of silly people in it you're going in Ark dark what you've never played this game yeah i know idea i played it for like I played it for like 15 minutes first law ok so I do know that there are dinosaurs dinosaurs let's say I pick a good server though first first and foremost because you can't have a good time playing the online survival game if you pick the wrong service I'm a big fan of the island map are there any that cater to my specific preferences I think we can do that the tricky needle thread is it's gotta be 193 can we search for 420 what's up haha we did it so this is an EU server that you've decided to yeah great so we'll just go in there but like hello bokes how about a biscuit crikey crikey how about a biscuit mate about this argh crikey crikey oh you know what we call dinosaurs in the in the UK dinos I don't know dumb I don't know what we would call him I'm sorry everybody I didn't think of something funny enough fast enough hey alright who he does deal oh he looks bad are you gonna look better you still loading no that's just you huh yeah I got a name for this guy Mick Jagger oh this won't do look at his ear he looks like a Virtua Fighter we gotta crank up the old set arenas yeah let's see looks like so like he looks like something I would have paid $2 to play at the mall in 1989 that's a cyber package though smooth suit like a Ken doll no foot one is his whole bathing suit is just one polygon no uh no belly button either like Kyle XY for that beloved ABC Family series Kyle XY well maybe that's an ark thing look at this nipples give me the nips non-exempt I have anti aliased the nipples out of existence just good is there a good slider to look good your resolutions like solid yeah my resolution your graphics quality is epic I just turned it up to epic let's apply that apply that and save it no but we need sign now I can see his pores we need something in the middle it's just too but all those gigantic leg pores my god that was that is a considerable difference is like I am NOT a dermatologist but those leg pores you can you could drink out of those wait go back to his leg it looks like he was wearing a nicotine patch earlier in the day has just recently pulled it off there on his on his inner thigh oh I've lost I'm lost in his leg cave doesn't make that hi all right apply that it's fine yeah he's got a little throat hole from four-bike is that eyebrow still for real like is that huh oh god no what happened oh no what happened he's in deep obviously the creators of arc anticipated that we were gonna be doing a monster factory today and they just got started for us if we pre-broken him for you oh that's fun we receive you swimming around a lot of times and they just like barf and then it turned into gex and give you the piece on gonna make the lower face side whoa damn Oh let's just all go whoa that was pretty good too oh let's just go all max size and work narrow those hands though damn arc really goes for it this is a this is a game where you interact with other people it doesn't seem like I should be able to you and look it doesn't see why you should be able to do this all to yourself wowzers wowzers whoa where's he going take it back here Joe thank you your vision good lord Hachi machi what what happened like that's just normal that's not with any sort of like Griffin McElroy sweet sweet no it's still max settings all of them but like still but nope it's like within within fiction I guess for lack of a better term wait wait a second enhance enhance we have no I realize what it is now we've lost control over the left side of her face what oh you're right hey baby hahaha linking is hey you're looking pretty good over there you uh you doing that CrossFit oh it's time to solve the mystery Oh mystery that's good that could be an angle Dino detective leave Jessica Fletcher Jessica ok well ok but like because she'll use a bow and will ever use the cyber bow hey I know criminals get a clue take a t-rex bite out of crime let's fossilize [ __ ] no it's hard to get it it's this is not built for this it's not built for robo's for a Jurassic version of Murder She Wrote ooh well that's that takes it maybe a little too far I want to be able to see the pupil I don't want her fleshy forehead to have got loft off the right side so bad that you can't see your pupil sure you don't want her to miss half the clothes are we going are we going full not Barbara Walters that wasn't her huh no gosh no gosh Hachi no who was it on Murder She Wrote you're supposed to tell me you're my older brother you're supposed to help me Angela landsbury and slow ones free ok fill you in on everything I know about Murder She Wrote so we can back we can help fill the bytes here ok ok ok good every heuristic we apply to Dino Lansbury needs to be based in detective facts so hands he needs our hands the biggest fossil to hold us many clues right right uh arm length may be very small that way maybe she needs to like do sting operation with the T Rexes and so the little are operating them the littler arm she has that they're gonna see her and say good good god what a nightmare um next sighs well it's time to vilasa wrap turn this case up oh gosh she's gone Hey hello she's back okay okay it's going for inside-out she's so good it's really good let's work on the chest shoulders now that's something we can mess with I hope yep easy looks like your whole uh everything from her collarbones up is like a paper mache mask that you might see it like Mardi Gras yeah like her real head is this in yeah and there's two eye holes cut there and then this is God looks like if you saw someone who you suspected of being two kids standing on each other's shoulders and then you ripped away the trench coat it was just one single human person like that sort of what I'm getting perfect torso height oh that's really Oh oh god this is Sophie's Choice in it and that's really tough what's up let's look from far away mmm very enjoyable very pleasure very good like also pretty good we're going here's a finger from futz with leg length - because we're gonna want one really high and one really low well that's crazy what's the inverse look like it's gotta be this eye thing gotta be that I mean that's great I mean it's really good it's really good so just to just to make it clear the rich fiction here yes yes is this is say it Dino lands very yes the prehistoric angela lansbury yes I was sucked into a time hole but now she's blending in with a group of dude give me away you are I have a few questions to ask you about the case of the missing stegosaur stop resisting arrest the hot is on murder she did whoa Justin Dino dolphins look at those beautiful beasts I don't think I've done much detective work yet this is a pretty cool game you just kind of like bathe in the moonlight with dinos I'm into it I think so I think I'm freezing to death on 4ch hey I found some berries nice or there's a clue now what do you do with these make some sort of like face paint to help yourself blend in with the dinos or I think I just sort of have a berry party Gigi are you eating all the available berries so like not a lot of people know this but Dino Lansbury is one part detective and one part jam factory so very be er ry right do you know any people in your life that just when they eat berries they produce Jam get over that rock what is with this lag I'm sorry anything that playing on a European server maybe wasn't like a super great idea Justin those are waypoints directing me towards clues right over there there's a dead man there's a dead man these mysteries are gonna be wicked easy to solve it wasn't Dinah it was a dinosaur every oh [ __ ] okay okay see the green bean that's good what's up come on finally level 32 let's do this my Yule [ __ ] come on you little [ __ ] give me a name come on access the eye you what a fight well kind of it's unconscious edition wait it's tamable this yeah this is how you tame it I love you what's that thing on your wrist uh it's a scab from a birthmark I'd picked off in Portsmouth a lot of people say you can't pick for smart socks I say he tries to not worry alright levelled up see what you're just doing there was the right thing you know what what are you doing over here Dinah Lance ferry it's like I'm I'm grinding XP dude it's all secret and we'll rocky montage what do we what is she good at what is a good detective good detective skills need uh how do you upgrade food I eat foods way good like I'm Joey Chestnut so these are things I can learn how to craft mmm some pants would be pretty dope but I feel like that ranks a note obviously note for note taking that's the essential man holy [ __ ] there are other things I would much rather have in Laszlo Kerik like a companion but you are right sir I have to I can't kill this thing that's right on my kid Billy I'm gonna have to come back here every five minutes to punch it back to sleep or else it's gonna shut me down oh I defecated what the [ __ ] oh no oh get it get it get it human feces who are you you look like me I'm your mama Luca ku-ku-ku-ku there's a heart above its name I still love you I think it loves me dodo bird where is this you hey I'm gonna put another dinosaur poop inside of me mystery solved Dustin for prints I've got a good lead that in this building uh a murder most foul was committed and I think it was mr. Jenkins mr. John Coons the butler son the son of the butler club before you should be oh yeah I'm gonna beat the [ __ ] out of him this is what I give up okay good oh he's bleeding he's fighting back he's still in it oh [ __ ] he's gonna kill me don't please I need to get oh god he broke my both my leg bones I need those for swimming sir please I need my leg bones first my life okay somehow you pass out you got a taste of human flesh it was like yeah I'm good night but holy [ __ ] my swimming speed is the opposite of good are you trying to swim right now come sail awake come sail away come sail away I further credibly okay leave a clue here to remind yourself all right Justin time to solve this mystery of the missing rocks where we find rocks on the ground oh there it is ha ha ha Wow now this is a pitch match Oh doesn't make sense it's doing it though in it doing the damn thing just like doing the damn thing get down can I eat these sleepy berries take a quick one just a twenty-minute possess power now oh you're high excellent this little palm trees dead as hell nice damnit I job just want to kill a dinosaur and cut him up look at him having a fun parade on my body can I talk to the world now if you go to that reservoir to cool off you can find over there some Flint along the way some stones along the way it would be really great at some water if only this jag weed hadn't blocked it all off okay stuff over it here we go Oh Google how to drink in Ark I'm trying to lay down in the water just scoop it in there alright here we go tight stunts oh this is a great idea why don't we think of this before you're never getting out there's a triceratops and a saber-tooth damn that's some badass [ __ ] I get me one of them damn is a cool place about you right here what is this feeding trough I too proud oh yeah yeah yeah son a doink spoil meat whatever about you dumb animals what was Joshua leis birthday the day the Chechen this is the okay this is our final test this is this is the best mystery what do we know about this guy he is on a server called 420 try 420 no no a chest Cheech lay is a cheese tartlet and it's I believe it's Swiss in nature so this is damn juice if we can figure this out this might be this person it's like Swiss bank account pin this man this is a good video here it's gonna be when we crack it gotta be some sort of clue some sort of hint is this a ladder oh tight maybe we just get up this way maybe he's got a secret stash don't know how to board a nice ladder idiot wait is that a rope I think that's a pipe call my heart I'm underwater man I don't know this person's gonna be furious when he gets back well he shouldn't have jut like look at this like he took the water from you haven't you seen like Fern Gully yeah just do that damn this ah yes yeah freedom boy I think it should've taken you extra uh engrams to learn how to [ __ ] stitch pants for that thing look at that though God sure looks awesome now she's like she's in TLC I made enough for an extra pair of pants that's good cuz apparently I just [ __ ] uncontrollably in this game do you think she pulls out her pants of easy feel I just poops through my head yeah it's me quick Dino lands very just scrapes poop out of her pants I just heard something [ __ ] I got a double back and make sure when that Bronto it was that Bronto yeah look at that bolus large dinosaur feces all say I can open oh I wonder what's in a wonder ball oh man it's uh some Aladdin stickers this is it God that thing's gonna heal you all the answers will be revealed the secret is to kill the guys this is what Scientology is about all the clues okay so I'm guessing I put some wood in here and some raw meat I guess well yeah good I am the king of the jungle the queen of the jungle I'm the best detective in the world I'm the best Jam Factory and I'm the queen of the jungle what are you gonna be able to sell the poop I'm assuming the poop is the jam right the poop is the jam Justin that's a great sentence you just said everyone's gonna be so intimidated by me where'd this work this thing find a shirt I think a person just oh my god oh no are you [ __ ] me we just got a shirt this dinosaur just [ __ ] on my fire earth you posed to yourself this dinosaur oh there's a man there oh well that's it this is gonna go great give me goods ok ask it for goods I'm supplicating myself to this person I don't want him to Gore me today is he oh is that a mask that's amazing come join join the tribe of Dino Lansbury wait oh my god he's giving me a gift ramshackle flack boots yes now I'm gonna use these to kick his ass apart don't really need him all he's talking to you know that's global that's global I don't give a [ __ ] I want the world to know Thank You Bjorn they still taste fine well I pissed my pants did you really a little bit sorry I'll burn your back eat some of your meat wait is he really gonna give us some food he's ganache we're out how to talk to him so what would you give Dino Lansbury I feel like I mean she solved some good crimes I feel like she solved the mystery of human generosity that's true which is not dead online we can't give her an official rating until she eats a hundred pieces of rotten meat and we see just how her body responds to it maybe her crazy eyebrow will fix itself maybe she'll get mutant powers okay now listen very dark it's getting very dark weirdly red and she got him all down she got them all down okay six hi to her say goodbye quick just fine I love you Maya Lansbury last CD refuses to fall down

Channel: Polygon

Views: 1,292,335

Rating: 4.9669361 out of 5

Keywords: gameplay, lets play, polygon, videogames, vox media, ARK: Survival Evolved, Video Game Console (Invention), Survival (Media Genre), Video Game (Industry), Steam, Monster Factory, Murder She Wrote (TV Program), Angela Lansbury (Theater Actor), monster factory ark, monster factory ark survival evolved, ark survival evolved, ark survival evolved gameplay, character creation

Id: BOxRFMiSDZU

Length: 24min 10sec (1450 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 07 2015