If People Who Sell Stuff Were Honest About Black Friday - Honest Ads

hello I'm Roger I'm sorry to distract you from your Thanksgiving dinner but let's face it Thanksgiving is just a warm-up holiday for Christmas and cranberry sauce is garbage speaking of Christmas I'm here to remind you to get a head start on all your trophy tie and toy buying by going out to our Black Friday sale like Fridays a day invented by us the people who sell things to lower you the humans who buy them away from your families on one of the only nationally recognized holiday weekends of the entire year by enticing you with marginal discounts on products that you can buy literally anytime you want on the internet probably for an even better discount but we spend millions of dollars on advertising to convince you that Black Friday is the only day you can buy any of these gift items as if we went immediately and wordlessly take your money on any other day of the year we've made it our mission to convince you that all the smart shoppers do their holiday trophy collecting on Black Friday we even turn it into a competition by arbitrarily limiting the time these great bargains will be available which is enough to turn many of you into bloodthirsty Vikings battering and trampling each other for the privilege of paying slightly less money for some toy or small appliance that you could have easily purchased months ago on your smartphone this is a crock-pot a product you never think about that spends 364 days a year collecting dust on retail shelves across America and on Black Friday you can have one for just $20 which for all you know could be a great deal you don't know you haven't priced crop pots recently because you don't want one but there you go buying it anyway only a fool would pass this up and you're not a fool are you because there's nothing more important than rewarding your friends and family with prizes that's why we've gradually started kicking off Black Friday earlier and earlier to let you get the jump on all those other bargain hunters eager to go out and buy secret rewards for other people at five o'clock in the morning is five too late in a day for you worried all the good bargains will be gone by the time you get there how about 4 a.m. or 3 heck we'll open our doors for you at midnight and make it seem like we're giving you an inside track to beat the crowd and you want that because our ad has been specifically designed to induce anxiety in you by convincing you that everyone else is shopping earlier faster and smarter than you at any rate regardless of when you show up you'll still be one person in an impossibly massive crowd of the most stressed people you will ever encounter while being bombarded by all the bright arrows and signs telling you about the deals that we assure you are insane it's altogether an overwhelming and unpleasant experience for everyone we are so dedicated in delivering to you the ultimate negligible discounts on frivolous items experienced that some of our locations will even open their doors on Thanksgiving Day our little way of saying Thanksgiving well happily force our minimum wage making teenaged employees to work on one of the only two guaranteed retail holidays of the year to make sure you get the best possible price on that exercise bike you didn't even know existed 24 hours ago at least until we have another sale at the end of the month like we always do to give everyone a chance to buy all the prizes they really wanted instead of whatever you got for them on Black Friday so we'll see you bright and early Friday morning or maybe Thanksgiving afternoon he'll just put your turkey in some Tupperware and eat it on the way it's all a question of how much you like being around your family versus how much you like buying things for them and isn't that what Christmas is all about Happy Holidays hey thanks for watching I'm sure you loved it please subscribe oh and hey in the comments below tell us about the worst Christmas present you ever got in who gave it to you time to out the family have a great holiday

Channel: Cracked

Views: 4,522,313

Rating: 4.9264045 out of 5

Keywords: Black Friday (Holiday), Thanksgiving, Black friday sales, consumerism, target, wal-mart, shopping, shopping mall, electronics, cracked, cracked.com, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, parody, Sketch Comedy (TV Genre), Satire (TV Genre), Television (Invention), Prank, Store, Fashion (Industry), flat screen tvs, best buy, thanksgiving, black friday, cyber monday, cybermonday, amazon, prime day, walmart

Id: KPgmgQxmUfU

Length: 4min 38sec (278 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 23 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/essjay2009]

I feel like they could have leaned a bit more in to the whole “things aren’t actually that cheap on Black Friday” thing. A consumer group in the UK found that only six percent of Black Friday deals were the cheapest the item had been sold for in that year. It’s a hoax.

[u/anaugle]

Can I upvote twice?

[u/kiechbepho]

This is awesome stuff from 4 years ago.

[u/Juan911411]

If you want some real karma post this on /r/frugal

[u/mediaG33K]

It would be funny if it weren't so damn sad. My Black Friday is gonna consist of getting stupid baked, eating leftover baked ham sandwiches, and avoiding any and all retail outlets.

[u/sta-2cat-o]

What happened to the cracked series? They arent posting anything new....

[u/ThePunisher2072]

I totally agree that.

[u/jimbolauski]

Needs more leisure suit.

[u/Mustang-51P]

Ive gone black friday shopping once. I found the items I wanted on a wednesday at two storesthat'd be 30-50% off everything in the store. I went back friday, everything was 50% off but the original price tag was raised and slashed, making them the same price they were on wednesday, I havent gone since.