If Airlines Were Honest - Honest Ads (United, Delta, Southwest, American Airlines Parody)

hi I'm Roger would you like to go on an adventure your ancestors would have sold their souls for well at Horton Airlines we'll give you the miracle of flight and then ruin it every day my airline sends out dozens of these metal arm tubes through the sky which I've conquered and we do that by packing those tubes with thousands of you butts I mean people sometimes I forget that your entire people and not butts that somehow possess plastic debt rectangles who also please use my plastic debt rectangle I'll give you points I made up if you do and almost all of you will forget to turn those points into anything but the initial dopamine rush of receiving them which is almost something anyway use some present or future currency to make an appointment for your posterior with one of my sky chairs and live in fear of missing that appointment even though when you show up for that appointment very early it'll be the most degrading experience of your entire year upon arrival at the arm tube barn on the outskirts of your city you'll let several strangers inspect your junk and your genitals unless you paid the government of fee so you could use the short line and have freedoms just remember it'll all be worth it once you board my steel bird statue unless you didn't spring for one of its four to six nice seats the rest of you get a musty little fart throne and you'll like it even if it's the one between two other ones which we know no one likes [Music] anyway sit back relax until a stranger sits too far back into you and enjoy our snack morsels soon you'll be at your destination waiting for every person seated ahead of you to lug their 49 and a half pound possession sack out of our ceiling trunks also if you make us responsible for your possession sacks we'll bring them straight to your destinations big metal snake thingy or another place is snake thingy sometimes but if you want to be at a place in less than a day you need me because I've got an aluminum winged bus to take you there also to Atlanta first because I opted to organize my airline around Atlanta mmm tastes like savings what you've proven is the only thing you care about so file onto my sky coffin if the price suits you and get ready to forget you touched God's face today because a stranger's offspring cried all six hours I'm Roger by the way well at least I get to go to Florida what a crazy ass hey thanks for watching I hope you liked us subscribe oh I hope you laugh too oh and in the comments tell us what else you'd like us to talk about what other businesses I own a lot of businesses

Channel: Cracked

Views: 1,873,792

Rating: 4.8619881 out of 5

Keywords: Honest Ads, Honest Commercials, Honest Trailers, Airlines, Airports, Delta, United, Southwest, pilots, captains, cracked.com, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, satire, parody, commercials, ads, American Airlines, American, passengers, advertisement, cracked, infotainment, commercial parody, hilarious, honest, honest airlines

Id: YRxzXPkbpnc

Length: 3min 20sec (200 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 18 2016

Reddit Comments

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Ugh cracked content..