If Theme Parks Were Honest - Honest Ads (Disneyland, Six Flags Parody)

well hello there I'm Roger and I'm here to welcome you to Horton land we sell you happiness fun and memories and in return we've become the forefront of corporate greed and self-interest all while wearing these goofy hats and blowing you with glitter dust what what ice blowing glitter dust at you like this like that whimsical take your heads out of the gutter for crying out loud you are at Horton land and here at Horton land we provide your family with the best overpriced vacation that your entire 401k can afford so you better goddamn enjoy it but Dad I'm tired no you're not you're not tired you're not covered in glitter you're here to have a good time and we have everything you love about amusement parks do you love our long waits for minute long rides we've got you covered or if you'd rather skip the lines you can get our Express ticket it'll only cost you $100 per family member but can you really put a price on family memories we can it's the price of a normal ticket plus a hundred bucks Hey look a sweaty intern in an animal costume or maybe a sweaty pervert in an animal costume you'll never know but they're everywhere notice what their heart okay then Horton land was designed by the greatest engineers or dream engineers as we like to call them for no reason they built fake houses fake castles and a general facade held together by the piles of cash you fork over for this fantasy because any dysfunctional family can pretend to like each other for a day if they can run away from their problems right stop texting and enjoy your family's company Oh have fun exploring our different parts that were designed by the same architects that created the American prison system it'll be so hard to leave not because you're having fun but because we literally design these places to be hard to leave while you're aimlessly wandering around looking for an exit enjoy any number of our special restaurants or whatever it doesn't matter what food we sell you have to buy it hey boo 29.99 well it's either that or skin cancer by trapping in record numbers of guests every year we've made record profits across the board even though our employees have some of the lowest wages in the service industry business in fact most of our employees have to live in motels because they aren't making a living wage and that's if we pay you at all because you can also apply to the prestigious Horton land land internship program where we turn your bright dreams of bringing joy to families into free labor with zero to no career benefits in the long run I haven't eaten in three weeks look on the bright side you've got fake cartoon princess on your resume now that's magic we've created a cult-like fake town where you can follow your dreams especially if those dreams are illegal oh right this is just an unintended consequence but we've embraced it all the same my family-friendly theme park is a magnet for illicit activity such as drug trades gun rings and sexual predators in fact right outside of our parks is the number-one human trafficking site in the world what well I get hung up on that when you can take a ride on a roller coaster remember you came here to be whisked through the air at 80 miles an hour with only a few metal bars that were safety checked by a hungover underpaid worker three weeks ago the thrill of death seems so real doesn't it well it is because if you happen to get injured or died during one of these fake death traps you're in for a legal nightmare because our rides are less regulated than lip gloss or shoes not only that but 15 states have laws that have no oversight or regulations on building roller coasters or rides in Florida exempts its three biggest parks from reporting accidents and deaths there's only one national inspection and every year the inspection includes fewer and fewer parks in their overall analysis while lobbyists worked tirelessly to end bills on regulating these flying mousetraps so come on by Horton land today a place where dreams did I say dream I met nightmare oh and I've been Roger [Music] thanks for watching if you want to subscribe hit the Big C in the middle and if you want to watch more videos like honest ads hit one of the boxes to the right be sure to hit the notification bell below so YouTube will notify you when we have a new video oh I I'm ready for my cryogenic nap

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,402,717

Rating: 4.8617797 out of 5

Keywords: Amusement Parks, Theme, Theme parks, Amusement, Parks, Honest Ads, Honest Commercials, Six Flags, Disneyland, Disney World, parody, Walt Disney, Theme Park, Amusement Parks Were Honest, Honest Amusement Parks, theme park, amusement park, theme parks, amusement park (industry), roller coaster, walt disney world, cracked, cracked.com, rollercoaster, coaster, disneyland, six flags, funny, commercial parody, sketch

Id: Olj7yPkkY1Y

Length: 5min 37sec (337 seconds)

Published: Mon May 22 2017