The Bizarre Unspoken Truth About Pet Ownership - Honest Ads

hello are you tired of only owning inanimate objects frustrated by human relationships that don't grant you the absolute power over life and death then you are the ideal candidate for sentient living animals I own a member of an inferior species well in the past animals have revolutionized agriculture transportation fashion even entertainment now thanks to centuries of forced in breeding and genetic tampering these ones are good only for companionship and stress really maybe you'd like a very high maintenance painting or perhaps you'd enjoy due to deep-seated personality problems owning a living thing exactly like those which you've spent hours trying to keep out of your home these are another kind of living thing you can own we don't sell them they're boring in the end we don't care why you want to own a sentient being we're business and this is our product feed them to one another if you want in some cases that's what they're meant for if anything we'd ask that you don't have sex with them but honestly if you did it's unlikely anyone would ever find out since most can't talk isn't that right little guy no power of speech for you we've even set up a display of baby living things like Scout here to trigger your hard-wired nurture response which raises the question if you don't buy this dog well we kill him is that how it works do they just get killed if no one buys them the risk is yours to take if you're worried about the responsibility don't be should this living thing you own died due to gross negligence you are in no way legally responsible try that with a human child heck if you want you can heat its muscles and consume them from nutrients if it's a kind of animal to which that is done in your culture finally no sentient living animal is complete without ages restraints and other vaguely SM themed accessories for humiliating costumes remember it has no choice you own it sentient living animals because that's a slightly punchier name then ineffectual slaves who love you implicitly because they have a limited scope of understanding I've been Roger Horton and please have your mammals genitals removed in infancy without their consent it's the right thing to do hey thanks for watching and if you have any other corporate schemes you'd like us to deconstruct put them in the comments below I'm Roger

Channel: Cracked

Views: 1,983,200

Rating: 4.8030958 out of 5

Keywords: Pet (Website Category), Animal (Film Genre), Commercial, pet store, petco, Animals, Animal (Film Character), pets, Pets.com (Defunct Organization), Dog, cracked, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, cracked.com, honest ads, commercial, Dogs, Parody, Cats, Cat (Animal)

Id: Y6g7D2Nh5T0

Length: 3min 0sec (180 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 30 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/HorseSteroids]

Who wrote this? Was it Morrissey?

[u/Omikron]

This isn't funny. I want to say more, but I don't think I need to...

[u/gnark]

If my cat wasn't an adopted adult stray who didn't whine pitifully for scraps of raw meat every single time I go into the kitchen, then proceed to kill my plants, shit and piss in the pots and spend the rest of her time ignoring me and lying in the sunshine, that "ad" might have made me a bit guilty. But honestly, the cat has a better life than I do, except I get to drink beer.

[u/Badfickle]

Brought to you by PETA.

[u/auandi]

Because there is zero difference between slavery, the buying and selling of members of our own species with equal cognitive and biological ability, and animals with no ability to cognitively process the concept of "self" and that would not even exist in the first place if we did not have a use for them.

Seriously, if we stopped pet ownership, everywhere, what exactly do you think would happen to the dogs? They wouldn't re-evolve into wolves. Domestic animals are things we created thousands of years ago. They are products of our efforts. They are not wild animals. They need us in order to survive. We are their habitat they have evolved to survive in. Remove their habitat and they'd die like any animal would when faced with habitat loss.

Human slaves, when freed, go on to have full lives because they still are human beings at equal biological standing with any other human. What exactly happens to the pugs and pomeranians we set free do you think? Not to mention livestock that have next to no defensive instincts left.

I get what the video's trying to do, but it's actually quite insulting to slavery to compare pet ownership to slavery. There are still humans in the world who can be described as being slaves, owning a beagle is not the same as owning a person.

[u/JagerBaBomb]

117-ish upvotes... and no comments until this one. Seems to have hit a nerve, I think.

[u/awesomeideas]

Haha, not their genitals (usually), their reproductive organs, silly! Oh, hey, sorry about drooling a li'l' there.