Thief Simulator

i'm stealing things this is thief simulator be very quiet i'm very thirsty hard mode no yes no yes hard mode i've never played this game before i always do this i want to do the hard mode and then i don't do the hard i'm doing the hard mode i'm doing it i don't even care if i never figure out how to play the game because i know how to steal things no i don't lixian somehow make this entire intro better than it was at all so i'm gonna play this game and it's on hard mode because i like a challenge and i've played a game in the past that's called like sneak thief or something like that it wasn't a full-fledged game like this i know that is it mowing day oh my god it's mowing day on the game i have to be quiet and sneak around in okay oh is that me all right oh wow okay that's a little loud why would i have that up okay vinny hey it's me vinny pick up that crowbar and listen up we got a lot of ground to cover okay why do you call in separate chunks they're generous men but they're all about reciprocity if you get what i mean let's see if you're up to the job knock over that house for me the last one the last one the last one where last one which one which last one do you know i don't have a hud can i equip this click quick slot sure add items to the quick slot for fast usage go to inventory select an item and press quick slot what's my quick slot how do oh quick slot q ah that is quick okay which house am i doing oh it didn't go oh it didn't go oh that's my hand oh i can't yeah okay yeah break the planks seems a little loud seems pretty loud at least it's giving me kind of a tutorial oh and that way i'm actually able to know what i'm supposed to do beforehand uh you know there's no amount of sneaking that i'm gonna be able to do that's not gonna make her see me when she's doing the captain's wave okay oh she will never know she will never know oh my god avoid light how how how do i do that okay i'm [Music] i've been caught tip of the day for the thievery is uh when you get spotted don't scream at the top of your lungs usually uh not the best move hey buddy you don't know me here yeah you don't know you can't know how could you know oh great hey some dope left a flashlight on the ground some dope take it but don't let nobody see the light and call the cops don't let nobody watch your double negatives you ain't never gonna know nobody that's ain't gonna never help use well can i not quick slot that or is that just f it's just f okay good okay break the window again i feel like there's stealthier ways to go about this but also i don't care wham oh now i just opened it thanks for calling me good job time to redistribute a little well yeah okay cause this definitely seems like the rich neighborhood that i want to redistribute the wealth from what's valuable to put in i should open that slower who's money oh who's got time clang clang anything in there anything in there hello anything in there anybody there's no one that's going to hear me this is even the point of any of this open open open oh look dollars i too have just random change in the front room hello come on lay out of the oh that was the bedroom oh this is sad why am i robbing these people steal some stuff i'll take a toaster i guess saucepan what get in the car don't let nobody see you with that crowbar why would i let what shut up i'm not worried about it it's fine how do i put away my crowbar hand right flashlight off and i'm out of here i'm gone ain't nobody gonna see me with this later nerds howdy neighbor it's just me your neighbor all right whatever i'm open this way i gotta open it slowly [Music] oh god good good all right i oh i drive i've you know i've been playing a lot more games lately where i wouldn't think driving would be a part of it but surprisingly it is and i like it oh god where am i going i drive out of locate which where which way and where how and where and why which way hello stan oh i have a i have a gps sorry at least this car is responsive unlike some games i've played but it is just a relaxing drive at 30 miles an hour no 60 sorry this is this car goes like two eight i'm gone yeah i thought so five stars almost too easy oh new hints available why hello good job man this just might work go get some sleep and we'll pick this up in the morning why did your voice your voice is completely what is that ex what what happened to your accent i sleep on a couch all right whatever time for sleep this is hard mode man this is easy sleep until i guess i sleep until it's night right i wouldn't go out in the day right 8 p.m get this daylight out of here there we go now that's what i'm talking about there's a few things i need to tell how did you know i was aw you're telling me them now tools for thieves let you buy new kit online great but you might not have what it takes to use them all click on steal your forum here you can buy secrets hot tips on what's where who's guarding it who leaves the door unlocked whatever check out what i wrote on greenview 109. also your voice is back to normal so that's interesting okay easy to break damage wooden fence in the back possible loot old tv worth a buck spare door key in the drawer no one home all the time so no one lives here is what you're saying there's no no one here the martins don't exist no one's ever home they died long ago really tragic someone broke in and murdered them and then stole all their stuff so you know really kind of sad for them all right anyway hello to the pawn shop first you'll need empty pockets at greenview 109. okay you don't need to shout the location so loudly hi what's up i've been carrying a pie in my bag here you go toaster pan teapot hot thanks it's time for greenview 109. get me that tv and don't pawn it off what if i do what are you gonna do vinnie change your accent some more we load it in the car trunk and drive uh yeah all right what's my turn at least i repaired yourself two bucks ain't nothing that's a pot that's one single toaster that's less than a toaster sorry i shouldn't hit the i shouldn't hit what i'm trying to you know what is it what hello ah hiding spot right of course of course of course well time to hit the old blusty trail and no one's home right wampus open no one's home so what does it matter hey what's up bag of trash okay bag of cash jesus christ give me give me nice nice toaster that's good money pot oh i'm rich oh sauce pans out the wazoo god they shouldn't leave their sauce pans out oh front door key well that would have been convenient whatever was this cash gosh and cash nice all right oh my god i'll just walk out the front door screw this noise la daddy a lot of the trespassing my ain't oh oh god oh god oh god i'm very slow with the dv i'm very slow i didn't know that there would be like a camera or anything like that i thought why would i get the front door key then oh boy oh boy oh boy i'll put it there they were just throwing out their tv no [Applause] but i was hiding oh my car right i guess i could have just ran away well why did i get the key then it's kind of dumb if you think about it kind of dumb that's okay i ain't a dumb burglar i'm smart i'm big smart i'm actually the biggest smart uh it's funny some people did a poll recently and they found out i was actually the biggest smart i was just as surprised as you probably are now but honestly were you probably not okay so there's gotta be okay so maybe the thing is because right there's a light outside and i don't know if i'm gonna be able to carry this you know maybe i can't what if i throw it out the window huh what happens if i do that nice almost too easy i'm sure this would be very valuable all right thank you the martins sorry about you being dead wouldn't want this david to go to waste i see you around dude see around who saw me there's no camera there what the hell was it okay there's no camera a bunch of garbage dropped that on there what it a lot of all right that worked out nicely and i'm out of here none the wiser none the wiser exactly zero wiser where's my hopefully no one minds i cut through the park a little bit it's fine later oh wait no that was what but uh where do i go hello uh where am i how do i get out of this place the williams who williams why the wilsons the watson lw names get me out of here please tell me this actually gets me thank goodness okay don't pawn it they said all right sure thing buddy i did it god damn i'm a [ __ ] beasted thievin i see you got my screen go to black bay go to black bay okay all right go there if you keep your accent consistent for one second i know you're a cop i know vinnie i know you're right on there for the tv go there and sell it thanks man where man here man sell man rent the three now here you can find a little extra work i put one on there just for you the one with the dishes you mean the only one this is why do i gotta break their what kind of [ __ ] am i i'm just a jerk now drive back to 110 and break some dishes with the crowbar i signed up to be a thief not an [ __ ] well i guess i it depends on who i'm stealing from man i thought it was gonna be a noble type fine i gotta go to the pawn shop empty my pockets out all right well i guess i don't because i just gotta break dishes hey use your mouth when you talk please any lip movement would be better than absolutely zero goodbye farewell i go green view where am i going again i've forgotten do i have an icon why don't i have hud thing 110. if i gotta look for a number like a like a human do i gotta look at the house numbers oh earl 107 i guess one ten by process of deduction you have to be 110. oh my god my big brain is so big oh no the leaf blowers are coming oh oh it's oh i gotta go ah it's this ah oh no wait hang on god here's the leaf blower good god finally i was wondering when you were gonna show up hey lady how you doing good to see you um hope you hope i'm not good for you to see easy peasy lemon squeezy easy peas thanks for being quiet really appreciate it everyone cares about noise here didn't i get here already why do i gotta break their dishes again like this is just mean i already robbed them i'm gonna smash up their dishes what kind of shitty day are they gonna have they don't have pots they don't have a toaster they got nothing oh they fixed this window well that's not gonna last long haboosh sorry guys look it's just i don't know it's just the way it is man i'll take your you they just bought new saucepan i have to take it from them i feel terrible and there's a life flower this is hell as hell this is god damn it well all right take their stuff hey you don't even know how to pick a lock shut don't learn the basics i'm sure you've got enough skill by now oh you're a dick they're way out of here i don't know man is there a way out of here i don't know man do i gotta go back the way i can i don't even remember how i got out of here in the first place this bam i'm out of here i guess i could have just gone through the front oh god oh no one saw a thing how do i learn lock picking you didn't exactly say how i'm sure hard mode is making it so that i don't know how escape skills i already got it learn nice i did it [Music] yes right now go buy yourself a diy simple lock pick on tools for thieves okay i will thanks i'm the best ever in history of forever robin from people are already desperate and broke okay hey look at that yeah i'll do that all right i did it before you get yourself into trouble try it on a training lock i left one in the garage what's with your accent man you got to keep that consistent man that is not okay oh it's like oh it's like a skyrim oh man i have not done it like this in a long time [Music] you did a good job on that old tv in the empty house for a real job you gotta scope the joint go to 111 by 7 am and watch okay sure man whatever you say man man this whole being a thief thing sure is a lot of work if i hadn't known that i wouldn't have taken it up that's ridiculous also why do i hit the same goddamn houses every single time they're gonna find out tenant routines okay oh ah interesting wait there's more police pursuit that's not important i don't even care i'm speeding oh the handling on this thing is a beast all right let me just uh default middle mouse button oh yeah this is inconspicuous all right hey you pooping you poop in there there's a box in there wait for them to leave and get me that box you're pooping sleeping in the parking lot sleep in the car to pass a lot of time oh he up he done pooping you gonna wipe oh he's quick he's like crypted fast i don't trust this guy seems terrifying okay so one is out and one is in the living room so i just gotta wait until this guy goes out he's back to poop that's good okay i'll just no one will notice me here in the middle of the street right uh sleepless how do i sl how do how do i sleep you didn't say how sleeping in the parking lot close my eyes i guess hey what's up okay hey what's up how are you doing you live there you better not how do i go to sleep parking lot i'm sorry parking lot oh is that long enough might not have been long enough hello it was perfect perfect amount of time i'll go in the back hello anybody home the answer is no oh i gotta pick the lock that's right okay that makes sense okay oh oh oh get me open baby all right still you almost steal your beer who puts beer what psychotic freak puts beer in a why is beer there i can't carry that i need to keep my hands free 50 50 bucks damn okay box with shady content i don't want to know i'll take this tv though lot of lotta lotta d lotta do a lot of a lot to do okay and uh drop it and drop it and drop it close that up should i re-lock it can i just go out the front seems like i can no one notices you do not notice a thing i should have parked closer i should have brought the car around just uh just walking with the tv i'm just watching taking my tv for a walk everyone come on shut up boy mind your own business it's america free key i am out of here okay hey looks like someone is free and that's me i'm the free one because america shut up you are not free to blast your leaf blower god damn look at oh my god b [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] black bear wanted other yamaha guitar okay so am i supposed to be just on the lookout for this kind of stuff gift red oh my god i just gotta steal christmas i gotta steal christmas oh no that's sad why do i gotta do that i got a radio sell that uh oh yeah oh yeah someone really wants this old toaster hey vinnie think their friend on green view needs a new window but they think the one they got is fine go prove them wrong what kind of what what is this an argument do i need who are the lombardies is this i already accepted apparently thanks vinnie for filling that out i'm just gonna go break a window do i need a mask it's kind of broad daylight you know all right what am i doing 112 god these neighbors are going to talk to each other eventually i don't know who the lombardies are but man they are petty hey yo my god okay 111 is there where's 112 then okay are you one twelve oh god damn it 112. hello 108 where's 112 don't you hide it from me hello how are you guys oh legitimately terrified me do i have a map no math map 1 12. oh that picture okay it's a blue house okay so i'm looking for it looks like it's kind of like up on a hill or something is that wait that's kind of bluish 112. one two goddammit okay fine thank you break their window all right well i lost a dollar but whatever [ __ ] [ __ ] i'm out of here okay i'm out i'm out i'm out baby i'm out i'm gone baby i'm gone i'm gone i'm gone oh god damn it feels good to be bad okay so i i i need to buy a a lock pick a real one a big boy lock pick all right oh my god you are an [ __ ] i see okay i thought i had that interesting i don't know if that's how locks work but that was cool if it ain't broke fix it with a crowbar word on the street as the toilet in greenview 113 is not broke well again this seems like just dick work to do but why do i need to break someone's toilet i'm going to greenview to break a toilet this is what my life has turned out to i gotta bailed out of prison for this all right 113 wherever that was um when they're dean oh one of they're doing the pals okay all right guys okay hey where's your turlet where if you had a turtle where would you say it would be oh my god i'm assuming they're in oh like here oh my god jesus christ everyone here is encrypted oh oh my god oh my god oh my god here we go i'm going for it ah where's your toilet give me your toilet oh god this is a problem don't mind me just gonna go break your toilet dude hold on i gotta get you why'd you lock this door this is weird there we go okay where's your toilet where's your toilet i gotta go where's your toilet where is it oh my god where's your toilet do you have a toilet i gotta go so bad i might break it here i go oh god i'm taking a [ __ ] ah oh it's all done whoa thanks buddy okay later nerds goo my god oh that's really glad i did that sorry um go away you have a lovely house and a free i did it okay good that was a close one for the next task i need you to learn how to climb a lattice like a man spider you know you're telling me that i don't know how to climb a lettuce job accepted break their toilet i thought i just did that didn't oh my god i'm freaking lethal didn't i just do that all right fine oh man that's ex that's freaking expensive okay i gotta go actually steal some stuff i'm gonna do it all legit i'm gonna get there butt crack dawn i'm gonna scout the place out i'm gonna look and i'm gonna look for the biggest most expensive house in the neighborhood i'm gonna scout it out i'm gonna figure out the routine i'm going to sleep in the parking lot and then i'm going to rob them blind and then i will blind them so that they can't tell whoever stole from them again all right so it's all about finding the right toe my god look at that ow maybe not that target maybe not that maybe not that one hmm it does look good though does look good you know you gotta admit it it do look good it do look good don't mind me making a few uh just testing out the off-roading this isn't your property line so what do you care are you upset shut up go away this seems like a good spot to make a clean getaway some kind of electrical box here i better check that out never know what you could find mini electric lock pick that would be too easy i don't want to be that easy yeah well i better go around i'll leave it right here no one will ever suspect a thing all right just uh friendly door-to-door or something something salesman's the smiths huh well looks like this lock would be almost too easy hello looks like they're not even home what does this do please oh camera okay well i don't need to worry about that oh how wait i'm not no no not me not me no not not me no how do i get out of okay it not me man not me guys please stop can i hide in a bush or something can i can i bush out where's my car i forgot where my car is oh where's my car oh there it is you found it thank you officer okay my mistake was not waiting until night time forgot that was like a step don't worry let's see just edit around it uh make it seem like i knew that first time okay now that i've scouted out that entire place and i know the ins and outs of all the intricacies of the how they live and where they are i will now go sleep in the parking lot until night time the butt crack of dawn as i said before and i stuck to my plan real good and then i will rob them blind perfect just as usual my ability to sleep 14 hours in a row at any given time is really comes in handy don't mind my car here it's here for a reason maybe i shouldn't get this one there seems to be a bright light in the middle of the everything whoa oh did they just leave their house oh my god did they just like oh my god they just left their house didn't they oh [ __ ] i should point this in the other direction but i won't because i i'm so confident in myself just going for my daily sprints you know it's a couple daily sprints you know keeps the i can't even lift that i'm not agile enough oh hey neighbor how you doing just you know i like the feel of leaves on my back very refreshing hey what's up guys how you doing buddies you all look so good hey snake mode engaged yawn yawn okay they seem to have steel reinforced windows which is peculiar i would say that's really interesting oh that um hi oh i can't i can't have you you just exist there's got to be some window that's a little bit vulnerable here there's got to be oh my god is there not really should have gone for the front door they don't have a back door can i take their grill something's over there what is that almost too easy almost too easy payday baby payday okay seems like not many people are out and about maybe it finally got early enough that people went to bed okay let's see about this front dorky why i how do you get it what is this place what's this impenetrable fortress all right you know what uh hey well i wouldn't do nothing what are you doing who are you get out of this place i don't trust you you're weird this is our neighborhood i'm watching i'm neighborhood watch watch out i'm watching you i'm watching you what are you doing standing out in front that's weird if i'm watching you watching [Music] nice nice nice nice nice almost too easy almost two oh is that an open window oh no someone should have paid more attention in on being thieved school hint discovered yeah they leave the window open in the back oh yeah safe cracking would be cool i can't see anything i'm taking this i'm opening these look hard drive not a book almost too easy you know shoes probably actually would sell depending on what type of shoe it would sell pretty well i don't know why i'm not taking them oh my god a sweet camera yes please my dude anything in the bathroom they got cash lying around should i break your toilet i would oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god okay i'm gonna try to go upstairs i know they're sleeping there but maybe that means no one's upstairs could that ka-ching be any louder oh my god is it day is day happening yeah take your remote idiot good luck changing i hope that alarm clock isn't set okay i think my bag's full it looks like my bag's full no but there's still room for dosh okay uh gosh please all right i'm out of here i'm out of here it's like day um i should probably have been out of here a little bit ago but hope they don't get up early it's 6 a.m time for school nothing to do here with me bam oh my god i've just got stuck on a bush button oh my god i am incredible no one detected a thing i'm a beast i should sell on the website first oh oh i should i should go to the way oh shut up you you're my last resort shut up and go away i'll never be happy to see you i should go sell on the website first because i think there's more money to be made there than anywhere else that was fun that was good i like that that was good okay electronics uh no nothing and did i get anything that you could all right well apparently no okay thanks for wasting my time gotta go crawling back to the pawn shop guy yeah this is gonna be awkward okay hey [Music] thank you love the way you don't move any part of you oh i got some good stuff heady phonies usb flash drive a noke a hard drive camouflage remote they're never going to be able to control the tv and an alarm clock very stained okay good thank you lexie and give them a smooch come on let's listen give them a smooch just come on give us a better deal okay thank you thank you could have been on the lips but whatever you know i'm not gonna judge okay any uh any uh jabs any uh jabs are there jabs rent a thug ooh break or steal the kiss painting that is a horrible kiss got a good bit of money wait let me see let me see what i can level up first let me see what i can level up skills okay so i can get agility right i can throw br great okay doesn't matter it's not important okay so what i need to do now is i need to level up one more time which means that i got to pull off another crime heist of the century i guess well i should uh i should uh get some info on some of these people and then i would know exactly what i'm in for that's the whole point of this let's go for the powells yeah okay no one between nine and two spare key for the front door in the bedroom looks like i'm getting there between uh it's now now's the time well pals at was the street notes pals pals at 113 you are done for dunyan rings you're done everything your kid's college fund gone your entire life savings evaporated your whole dream vacations eroded away you will have nothing you it's you ah it's you you got a lot of art in there okay 909 i'll see you later have a good day at work have a good day okay later nerd idiot i thought these broke that's why i brought bought two of them but apparently not so i could just throw a brick oh no nevermind oh yeah these people i woke up rudely that's right i woke them up okay so then no one's home so i could just ransack to my heart's content you know really just go for it yeah you know and i will i will no two alarm clocks and a spare just in case they don't wake up i get it i've been there whoa last cup uh two dollars that's not very much i'm going for the big ticket items immediately like dollars yes but seven oh my god i'm full wait now i'm full how much are you 12 oh my god everything's so heavy i'm so weak i can barely throw a brick why do i gotta this is what i just lockpicked to break your toilet but no i got they learned their lesson relocked it what if they have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and there you think they're gonna sit here and unlock pick their own no just gonna unlock the front door ooh okay so i'd have to carry that manually well i could always put stuff in my car because no one's here yeah no no one's here no one knows yeah because i do have storage right yeah yeah yeah hero uh i knew that uh they were wow yeah yeah easy okay let's go in and out i'm moving stuff for them you don't know i'm not fool jomaha okay i still got time before they come back dog pillow can i steal their pillows they deserve it have you seen these people they deserve it priceless family portrait nope yes please presents yeah i'll take that thank you oh christmas ain't coming this year christmas is not coming this year christmas ain't coming for you is it full is it full of it is it full over there is it full is it full are you full okay it looks like i'm kind of loaded to the tits hi stan sure could use a glass of water all right just you know everybody shut up no no no no no not doing anything shady oh no come on dude dude boys very slow oh my god they're coming oh my god we gotta go we gotta go get it get it in get it in get it in close get in go go go go go go go go go go go no i set the way yes oh my god no no oh made it you all are so dumb i am so goddamn good at what i do i oh my god everything oh sell please sell it i have to get many gifts but that's okay it's all right so i think that's going to do it for now i'm very proud of myself in the life that i've chosen clearly i've made the right decisions in life and uh you know just in in general yeah i'm the best everyone else is a loser there you have it straight from the horse's mouth thank you everybody so much for watching crime does pay apparently crime does pay let me know what you think of crime and crime in general down in the comments below hope you enjoyed this there's another thieving game that i'll probably link either in the end cards or in the description down there that you can check out that i played a long time ago see how i've progressed as a thief thank you and as always i will see you in the next video [Music] bye-bye [Music] oh

Channel: Markiplier

Views: 3,884,937

Rating: 4.9737821 out of 5

Keywords: thief simulator, markiplier, theif simulator, simulator game, funny simulator game, stealing simulator, burglar simulator, house thief simulator, gaming, gameplay, funny, funny games, thief, theif, burglar, stealing, escape

Id: SAfje1Zmu9E

Length: 41min 18sec (2478 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 21 2021

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