THE ABSOLUTE BEST OF r/RAREINSULTS

[Music] the basis looks like one of the ogre hunters in the beginning of shrek well shrek did tell them to run away and he did and started a band good for that guy can't blame him living the dream all right hey you look like the doctor who doesn't recommend toothpaste why because you're a one out of ten now get out of my sight you disgust me hey look it's mystique that's her name right i think her name is mystique all right i'm awesome yeah her name's mystique she put more effort into one costume than jennifer lawrence did into her entire performance i didn't watch that movie so i guess i guess that's a burn good work sheet mode close your eyes and you can play any game in your mind even paper mario yeah but paper mario's trash how about you close your eyes and imagine yourself being a more likable person and then open them and weep mark davis looks like microwave's john gruden leftovers why is his chin molding to his neck like an action figure that you put in the microwave i don't like that how can i find an app like tinder where the girls have lower standards and there's no heavy set girls there isn't one you want to meet interesting people who are interested in you then make yourself interesting uh i am an interesting person that's for sure ah spoken like the human equivalent to a bowl of bran flakes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory hmm do not make it seem like carl didn't love and appreciate every second he had with ellie you cup of decaf have you even seen this movie i have he wanted to fly a balloon house with his wife just heard a girl call her ex a sentient bubonic plague and honestly i'm inspired to contract that plague baby let's get it that's a cute little family photo but why does this whole group look like they were face swapped with one another that's that's mean who says girls don't know about trolling and kidding when they're with the group they troll more than the boys group ain't that right ladies the chick in the back right looks like oscar from shark tale she's got a phase built like a sims character and who is this lovely gentleman the you added some poor soul and discord you just go no oh dear either that guy has a lot of money or is so horrendous at dental care that his teeth are out of canned corn no capsaicin chips he looks like a failed sleep paralysis demon that resorted to meth and coke and honestly who can blame them times are tough refinery29 is like buzzfeed made by horse girls who are doing makeup for the very first time she's trying her best she's trying to best stop man i don't know who needed this but sean asked it from stranger things with an otter uh that's sean aston from lord of the rings euphatis is he only allowed to be in lord of the rings hold on sean aston are you only are you are you locked into only one thing he was in both of those things you're just an idiot accidentally bought hot dog buns instead of hamburger buns so guess who's eating ham dogs now before i get to the insult how do you mess that up they're two very clearly different did you look at it from a side angle and think that top bun looks suspiciously wide i'm into it you are a [ __ ] and a fool and that looks like it would be on the menu at the chum bucket have you had a chum dog go on try them in beach the crappy panty secret formula my girlfriend's five foot ten i'm five foot two hey what's it like being in a long distance relationship i don't get that one is it cause he's short it's okay short king it's okay who else drew the sun in the corner every time as a child if you did it in the left you probably eat popcorn with a spoon because that's where the sun sets idiot that's the west the sun rises in the east stays in the right corner only should i look for a boyfriend or a sugar daddy your comments will go a long way look for a job hey her name sounds like what magicians say before performing a magic trick i waved my one at falana ulubunmi you've been roasted this is something that would play on the tvs on gta this is the logan paul trailer right is that curtis lepore is he still friends with curtis laporte really look at that dress it looks like a bracelet you buy it from hot topic in 2002. you know those nunchucks photoshop this cuts deep donatella versace she looks like she forgot to die listen too busy to die got too much business to make business is booming can't die yet this man looks like if the year 2003 was a person [Laughter] right down to the leather is he wearing asbestos what about the asbestos fabric what are you talking about my guy look russell williams may be an underwear weirdo but i genuinely respect the way he wears his armpit hair on his forehead it takes a lot of guts a lot of nuts and by god does he have both of those hey what's the best way to tell someone that their baby's ugly your offspring is off-putting i mean that's definitely better than what i do because when i see an ugly baby i scream and grab a can of raid and moms don't take too kindly to that look call me biphobic or whatever but i would never date a bisexual they're just gonna cheat smh and then there are approximately 390 billion trees in the amazon rainforest these trees vary widely in species and size the chemical reactions that occur in these trees in order to produce organic compounds and oxygen from carbon dioxide and water are complex and require a constant supply of energy to be generated by the plant one of these 390 billion trees works hard to replace the oxygen that you breathe annan i want you to find this tree in the amazon rainforest and apologize to it for wasting the oxygen it works so hard to produce love the lorax his brains were gasoline she couldn't run a pistons go-kart two laps around a cheerio get er done time for an r slash roast me hey you look like a bully from a disney channel movie looks like the kind of guy that harassed me for my lunch money and then i teach him about the true meaning of christmas that kind of guy your haircut looks like someone took a dump on the rodent car your haircut looks like someone took a dump on the road and a car ran over it at 95 miles per hour please for the love of god get a haircut or at least comb at least comb your hair homie we can't suffer another loss carrot top looking feminist cabbage patch kid and that's too many layers for me to dissect we got carrot top feminist cabbage patch kid what part of that do i dig into first my eyes are not bigger than my stomach i can't go into this one imagine being a little seed dreaming about becoming a magnificent tree only to be chomped down made into paper for a so-called book what author did which author pissed you off my guy oh hey it's seth everman you look like playstation 2 graphics play your funny piano seth he roasted you welcome to the club samsung hashtag dongle both apple and samsung can take a dive into a volcano wearing gasoline soaked underwear for this crap may the fleas of a thousand camels infest their crotches and made their arms become too short to scratch jesus christ marcellus it's just a dongle calm down i would rather pack my colon full of gunpowder and squat over a fire than listen to this again i never knew how people could cut themselves until now may god have mercy on your soul cause lord knows i do not a little bit of self-deprecation humor i hope death's a woman that way it will never come for me you all good [ __ ] 78 you need someone to talk to men wear 60 boxers for three dollars worth of dong women wear victoria's secret panties for coochie that ain't no secret half of our property taxes go to education and then people can't even spell where right please for the love of god it's just one word it honestly doesn't take away from the joke so i have no problem with it looks like something that blair woods would bring to a gay pride parade as a horror movie buff this makes me smile i like it i love it does she floss her teeth with a mattress hey listen there's nothing wrong with a bit of a tooth gap what i'm interested in is these nails you guys see this those are dope looking what are they made out of because they're not like these aren't acrylic they're made out of like metal it looks that's dope i like this girl's fashion sense i find my church everywhere i go it's the rock but kevin hart has to butt in get a bigger tank top man it looks like you're wearing a thong on your back i'm reporting this post i'm sick of it p.s congrats on the big opening you deserve it you piece of donkey crap that's how you know they're good friends nothing to be sorry for i know mine is at least 10 times larger than your intellect dude you sound like a professional coochie drying apparatus that's not a duel it's a battle of the brains and one of those guys is unarmed white girls get dream catcher tattoos and wonder why their lives are going to crap like i don't know sarah maybe ask that thing inked on your body that attracts bad stuff you unseasoned chicken wing that's the whole point of a dream catcher let's the good ones pass through and catches the bad ones and you got it on your body you [ __ ] go to school that dude's family tree is the recycling symbol nice first of all let me apologize to my viewers for stooping so low as to accept the invitation to this show what show did you go on to roast what did the show do to you my god see i wish i knew the context of some of these so i could you know laugh a bit more some of these are brutal and i just want to know what happened hey look under there uh underwear you fool you absolute [ __ ] you are such a monumental idiot that you don't even realize what you said i am a verbal magician and you my friend are a naive simpleton your family line deserves to die with you what is the funniest slash best thing you've heard someone replace a swear word with i started replacing insults with weird ones to avoid getting in trouble at school so instead of calling someone a dumb piece of crap i told them that they couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel instead of calling someone worthless and useless i call them the bottom half of the stop sign one it means they aren't on top two that in itself is pretty useless if i want to insult someone's hygiene i call them a druggies used syringe if one wishes to imply that another person is subpar one could call them a roseart crayon and the one that replaces fu is telling them they deserve earbuds with only one ear working god this game was so terrible that i actually enjoyed the ads that's how much you broke me triple h looks like the default nord in skyrim hey sag fair watch what you say that's triple h that's wwe world heavyweight champion triple h the ceo of the company i'm a wrestling nerd he's gonna give you a pedigree he's the king of kings you better watch out for this guy let my poor friend know he made another mistake by agreeing to let me post this you know he looked like velma's brother that couldn't dodge the draft during the war and didn't make it home your final words were i can't do anything without my glasses jinkies shark doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo oh it's it's a grandpa shark doo doo doo doo doo yeah i i i get it i'm mad at you now or you can be like triggered by beef and say i hope a mosquito bites you five times way down in your ear canal too far down to scratch effectively a death metal vocalist named acid makeup gargle moves in next to you and holds rehearsals every tuesday night at 11 and your favorite deli discontinues your favorite sandwich and you get a slow leak the next time you get a new left rear tire and you fart on an elevator with your boss on the day of your annual performance review and everyone knows it's you grandpa shark oh man she oh my gosh shut your fat ugly mother loving butt up you know and the rest of these punk women on here can you even get a man with your deep frieza body have himself just cause you had a bad experience with a man you chose does not give your fat bug-eyed butt the right to lump all of us together i swear i hate brothers like you as if women don't do anything wrong you all need to be freaking exterminated oh hey that entire message is blanked out he'll i hope you get bad grades at school whoa calm it down bucko you look like if hepatitis was a person yeah well i think dragons suck i will kick your butt so hard your vertebrae will pump out of your mouth one by one like a pez dispenser that has the same amount of authority as i will grind you like cheese you lost hello well knew it talk crap get hit coward ah shut up noodle breath dude you're an industrial sized dong inhaler shut up hotel travago kowalski analysis reddit that freaking hotel trivago stuff is the unfunniest stuff if i will find whoever made that joke and shove their rectum up with the rectum thus causing a paradox ending the universe and to be frank we are well overdue with the institution of existence as we know it ah physicists mathematicians and engineers two of them can't win a nobel peace prize two of the monk engineers and two of them can get laid but all of them are better than chemists mathematician with a child here oh thanks for making the world a better place by adopting children imagine walking two kilometers to hatch an egg and it turns out to be a freaking magikarp imagine waiting nine months to give birth and it's you just because you got the emotional range of a nerf bullet does not mean you get to shoot your attitude at everyone else kids born in 2000 or 25 years let that let that sink in have you been doing meth instead of math today i learned when kylie jenner tried to trademark her name kylie in 2016. australian pop star kylie minnow successfully got the request blocked with her lawyers telling the us government kylie minnow is internationally renowned while kylie jenner is a secondary reality tv personality that's a legal roast i love it man drugged and robbed by cardi b says it was still better than listening to her music well at least there was a positive in that situation hi justin wang you look like the anonymous mask i'm sure he's heard that one several times she was perfect she was an atheist so he is a redditor ellen's looking rough these days him enters bar bartender why the long face yeah i'm sorry i gotta give it to the redditor comment this guy looks like a teen an adult and an old man all at the same time always has to should schools be open during lockdown yes so we don't have a whole generation who think there should be an apostrophe in the word schools oh but no no they shouldn't be i hope you know that for real dennis arsenault technical specialist dennis looks like if arnold schwarzenegger was born in america and never went to a gym i see it yeah that's pretty accurate interestingly humans are more than sixty percent genetically identical to bananas in your case perhaps seventy percent are you calling me a banana good sir this guy's face looks like a bathroom stall oh oh that one hurt amazon says it was not price gouging during the pandemic when it sold toilet paper for 36 dollars that photo of bezos looks like an artist recreation from the found bones of an ancient ruler well the guys always looked a little weird okay it's one pandemic what could it cost six hundred dollars woman shoots man 17 times by miracle no shots hit the target but not a single shot hit the woman looks like she's trying to watch her singular brain cell bounce around in her skull look perhaps if you're blind in any way shape or form or just can't see well you shouldn't try to murder somebody with something that requires being able to see try a sledgehammer next time just as long as you're close enough you can pin you out of the guy to death a hunger that only ass will fill why is nostril shotgun barrels dude breathing in 1080p ultra hd really you're asking about his nostrils not those eyes those horrible lifeless eyes husband of alleged maid abuser tells court his wife has a bulldog face but is not violent ooh jesus people cardi b's music is for women who say my kids are my world when their grandma has custody the most powerful supercomputer can count for 1 000 years and still not even begin to comprehend how much i don't freaking care you neanderthal she looks like the evil cockatoo from that movie rio about the blue birds oh my god she does look like nigel you look like a 26 year old cop who just got hired by the nypd and already has three citations for excessive force i mean that one would be good if it weren't so fantastical you think they get citations for excessive force it's the nypd dude mcdonald's mukbang oh god i feel like nick is the human embodiment of the voice in your head that tells you to crash your car while you're driving oh god it's cringe-topia i'm really glad i can't watch this video right now dude looks like both the child and the molester ah man that would hurt people with no kids who turns y'all lights off and hands you all the remote i tell google to turn the lights off and my remote's on the end table next to where i sit it's 20 20 stop using your crotch fruit as employees i'll always prefer crotch goblins to crotch fruit but you do you this guy is actually a cyclops and he recently just got the dual eye surgery oh you're mean i can't get over how this dude looks like how disney draws dad characters oh that one's even better than the last one he actually looks like a disney dude this is the guy who plays dating sims in his basement and gets disappointed when the pickup lines won't work on his sister alright then pov this is the kid who your grandma compares you to every time you disappoint her i'm never going to be on that guy's level so i guess in this scenario my grandma's always going to be disappointed in me i'm seriously dude i can't catch up with that guy forgive me i stole your beard design to use it for a dress well how's the dress look i wanna know why does alex look like he's trying to sell me home insurance for a tent right that one makes a lot of sense happy veterans day to adam driver's massive freaking ears he's the reason al qaeda uses sign language apple announces its first new laptop with its own chip instead of intel's jesus ellen looks like crap i wonder how many more ellen jokes we're gonna see as we go forward leave tim apple alone he's doing his best not really the way eminem looked terrified and slightly concerned for lady gaga's well-being in these photos looks like mary poppins and the it clown had some angry weird love child that's now going through a mental breakdown the it clown this one definitely tried way too hard aw this is really good keep it up don't use emojis on reddit please they bring down the intellectual tone of the conversation by several notches that's an emoticon you warm toilet seat i'm gonna steal that insult i'm sure you will honey it's like someone dubbed an already english film in english what do you mean people born in 2003 or 23 now that's crazy i was born in 2004 and i turned 16 on friday is your brain running on internet explorer i'm starting to get mistaken for justin bieber now he looks like ice age baby his eyeballs have different social security numbers the queen's gambit four and a half if anya taylor joy and harry melling had children their kids eyes would be the right distance apart nice i saw it somewhere else who'd you take it from roses are red violets are blue your two inches felt like six because i had feelings for you oh mofo really asked me to rate his fit hey yo bro rate my fit 1 to 10. you look like the coat hanger we can't believe we have to say this but please do not blow vape smoke into your xbox series x these morons probably eat popcorn with a fork oh i haven't heard that one before i swear adam looks like greta dunberg smoked a huge bowl imagine if your dad was a minotaur and your mom was a mermaid and you got the human half of both and now you're just some guy yeah but there would still be something fishy about you and you would be full of bull so basically a politician the combined iq of the people in that pool is less than an iguanas that's an insult to iguanas yeah kind of is you look like the villain from a low budget karate kid knockoff i see it tough talk from a girl whose kneecaps stick farther out than her tits if your ding-dong doesn't touch your belly button lower your voice oh oh i see what happened here 200 years in the future honey have you seen my iphone 378 i need it to pre-order my ps6 you should ask twitter to add a laugh track function so it can mask the unfunny 200 years and sony's only made one more console come on the south korean leader of a sexual blackmail ring was sentenced to 40 years in prison dude looks like he'd steal my lunchables he probably would my guy very funny i feel like we can come up with an insult a little bit more damning for someone who had a sexual blackmail ring that boy hair looks like a sucked mango what what charlie kirk looks like what happens when you drag the face slider too far to the left in the me creator oh your ma shares missing dog posts from other countries i'm confused car seat headdress destroyed by hippie powers will toledo looks like a discord server moderator but i love him anyways the guy on the pc looks like a discount mr beast he looks like the discount version i think mr beast looks like the discount version of him visual representation of this headline a neo-nazi converted to islam and killed two roommates he looks like if tom holland got mad at a dude for stealing his twinkie at lunch it was found that vegans were 43 more likely to suffer from broken bones of any kind vegans are more likely to break bones than meat eaters is that mainly broken noses from where they keep telling other people how to live i'm a discord owner of four discords admin on 15 redditor and reddit owner of three reddits wow if you lost a pound for every message sent in your server you'd still be morbidly obese no english word has a double o except for the word food prove me wrong this is proof that preschool education is important in childhood and that choosing the right books and tools to learn is more important than nollywood for now get a stool go back to the classroom and learn some coordination don't be a hooligan boom today my army friend was telling us about basic training and drill sergeants and there was this kid in her battalion who asked so many stupid questions that the drill sergeant made him carry around a potted plant all day to replace the oxygen he wasted plans this weekend maybe you sunday yes saturday no saturday yes sunday no well shh we're like two ships passing in the night i'm like a sleek racing boat and you're a trash barge ariana grande looks like a disney princess using her one wish to her fairy godmother to ask for the world's biggest can of monster energy drink he looks like he walked in front of a school projector oh my god that's the best one thank god it wasn't another detention desk comment man you look like an albino rat hey how about you leave my mans alone okay pretty people don't have to use reddit what's your reddit then uh oh wow that's a good burn what does she mean though by they don't have to use reddit that part does confuse me a little bit dude do i sound like corpse what do you think that's not corpse that's roadkill stop he's already dead this dude looks like a scott pilgrim villain and i don't know much about scott pilgrim but i guess i'll agree you show me a 4d object in a 2d world on my 2d screen and i try to understand this with my 1d brain the moment you realize that horrible creature also found a girl and you're still single oh yeah belile did get a girl didn't he and didn't he have kids too why can't games just be fun charlie looks like a customizable character i made in skate 3. i don't think it's possible for you to assert anything until your hair is back to normal big talk from a man with the most abnormal smile on planet earth might want to sue joaquin phoenix bro he stole your look for the joker beetlejuice beetlejuice greg you are the human equivalent of a sneeze that never comes and just continues to burn your nose for an hour ouch jeff bezos announces first of 10 billion donation to fight climate change yeah just throw money at something god as a species humans need to generally make change otherwise we just spin in the wheel what's your solution just tell people to do something but not donate to the necessary labor equipment and research costs you're made to spare parts aren't you his coach looks like the dollar store version of donald trump it kind of does it's annoying when people write this in their posts just take the extra two seconds to write out it's not the same thing as or is not equal to you semi-illiterate neanderthal how about writing two instead of using two you quasi-literate freak head i can't stop looking at that guy's hair it actually looks like an overused velcro to be honest wow that was really funny that was a good one the long-haired one looks like he can turn water into weed now that is a superpower this guy looks like the love child of john lennon and weird al oh wow fail of the day jake paul wears awake to try and look like super saiyan goku and pre-fight weian ends up looking like a troll doll you're offended by the things i say imagine what i hold back his shirt is so tight that he looks like a nine-year-old in walmart whose mom is looking for what wine tastes best with her xanax okay he looks like the 13 year old version of a 40 year old i don't even know what to say with that one man are you really gonna plug your show like an ad right in the middle of the vid shameless yes i am kyle because it's my show how the frick else am i supposed to tell people about it would you rather i painted on walls underneath a tunnel in a secret location so no one sees it to avoid annoying you in future kyle i'll advertise my show somewhere you'll never see it like in the arms of a woman who loves you okay louis geez doing okay blank i saw it was 42 degrees celsius yesterday huh melting 36 celsius to my place in the afternoon then finally some rain came in and even the 25 degrees celsius now feel like a big relief i was in britain a fry from scotland mentioned a heat wave too uh sweating like a cat like prius visiting an all-boys school air conditioning is unhealthy bad and miserable and sexist i can't explain how many times i've gotten sick over the summer because of overzealous ac in offices how is it sexist first of all the majority of men in business settings are wearing multiple layers of clothes to conform to dress code put on a goddamn cardigan and stop making me ashamed to share a chromosome with you how is air can i want to know how it's sexist in general nicki minaj's cake looks like the claymation figures from chicken run i'm going to watch spider-man today me too oh really yeah what a winky dink coincidence ah kawinky dink is better people who say that still get breast fed hey i'm still getting what about you my guy none nada no to be for you i'm thirsty bring me another autistic female community college student who is proud to support a unibrow i'm not scared of your roasts hey what was it like discovering fire i love baby boomers who say kids don't even know how to write cursive in a negative way like okay grandma you can't even turn your laptop on without getting six viruses and wiring half your retirement money to a nigerian prince zach calm down who hurt you bad exam gonna end up working in aldi ah we don't think so thicko you need a minimum of a degree just to clean the toilets out love try mcdonald's aldi's customer care didn't really care about ellie huh i'm freaking beautiful like a brown norse god glow me up twitter tell me how beautiful i am hey soviet womble you look like some bollywood hulk on a shoestring punch [Laughter] beyonce looked like the rough endoplasmic reticulum with ribosomes attached to it good morning why was he so big did he ever give a backstory to that yeah he was a little guy but emily elizabeth loved him so much he turned into a big boy your doggo is small what does that say about you you're small what does that say about your parents mate cancer could be cured tomorrow and your forehead would still be the biggest thing this week don't go after ksi like that he's just trying to live his life okay you think it's easy walking around with a seven head i didn't think so limp bizkit makes music for people who hold pencils with their entire closed fist you said it eli jeez thanks eli i bet half of the movie's budget was spent on crack for the animators welcome to cats oh just took a line trying to draw some cats probably the most realistic part of forrest gump was when he graduated from the university of alabama thanks clue delete this it's almost midnight not the crap i want to see it's four shut up mister what's a kilometer you don't even know what a kilometer is you don't know what time is you idiot you dummy here's four random pics of me this dude looks like he moans when he wipes himself holy crap that was such incredible stupidity my brain cells evolved to develop lungs and vocal cords just so they could scream as they died when you trade with a villager but he doesn't know the carrots you sold them are the ones from his farm dude i do that all the time i love finding desert villages with all the hay bales you know i'm talking about and finding farmers who uh take bread or wheat for emeralds and i just completely dish i i pillage their village and sell back the weed as a prophet he's so bad at english he doesn't need duolingo he needs single lingo i'm sure some of y'all think i need single lingo with how i pronounce things jerkwad this wasn't a parking spot i couldn't get in the passenger side of my car hope it is crappy freaking clown shoe nice to remember how many feet there are in a mile you just gotta use five tomatoes five tome o's sounds like five two eight oh and there's five thousand two hundred eighty feet in a mile to remember how many meters there are on a kilometer you just remember 1000 because the system of measurement in the rest of the world wasn't invented by a drunk mathematician rolling dice hey look it's roast me i can hear your fetal alcohol syndrome toddler crying in the background for something that isn't microwave burgers through my laptop god that's brutal my boyfriend turned down five fully paid scholarships just to stay here with me i really love this man so much your boyfriend is an idiot the level of density radiating from this post caused a freaking singularity in my living room you ain't fooling nobody he looks like matt damon if matt damon was born in the walmart sir no sir how tall are you private sir five foot nine sir five foot nine i didn't know these stat crap that high and then he laughs guess who don't got kids me guess who doesn't have grammar also you lol bro it's six words and you understood what i meant shut your tricks rabbit looking butt up and stay in your lane all right damn have they already raided area 51 that's mean hey sarah i'm so tired of having boys always texting me everyone wants me yeah you know what they say lower prices always attracts customers how come when the hulk smashes everything he's incredible but when i do i'm a [ __ ] wow uh well the hulk smashes bad guys and saves the world you smash guys named chaz chad and cooper and spread diseases shelby at i eat butt so instagram is thinking of ditching likes i'll drink to that i've never liked anything in my life why not replace the like button with you shouldn't be allowed to breed but aura you know when you're dead your only legacy will be this pouting selfie you narcissistic awful tote bag button way more useful thanks swim reaper i freaking love irish slang like it's the most creative craft ever today i heard a coffin being referred to as a wooden onesie in the sentence ah jesus my nana looks better than yen she's in a blind wooden onesie and it was honestly life-changing i don't know how good that accent was if at all but i gave it my best shot me in japanese to the girl i'm shirokishi just call me shiro girl in japanese if you're the white knight then i'll call myself kurokishi literally black knight just call me kuro teacher i need to take a note to give both una for the rest of the year kuro shiru arigato sensei the girl and i started dating after that lesson it turns out she was also a fan of my little pony the teacher she and i enjoyed discussing the latest episode in japanese during class just to piss the bullies of the class off this post has inspired me yes i'm going back to school i'm going to study technology and theoretical physics i'm going to pour my heart and soul into it every waking moment will be dedicated to the advancement of science and with some luck and ingenuity and a lot of sweat and blood i might just invent time travel then i can come back to several minutes previous to now and shoot myself before reading this kids uh basically reverse roombas you take it from me papa's uncle i mean you're not wrong light mode oh i'm sorry did i accidentally disturb a victorian era vampire get back to your tomb you little light alleged shriveled shrimp jesus you're looking like the toy story dude in the chicken store oh he does he really do looking at this man is like touching wet food in the sink that's such a clever one i love that insult so much i've been using that in my day today hey man love the vid here's some suggestions for the next one don't make videos you look like mark zuckerberg shaved his head grew a little beard and stole the latest human emotions dlc into his head that's a really good insult we need to stop giving serial killers cool names like the night stalker or the green river killer we should remove the mystique make it sound less appealing the micro ness maniac or bobby dipstick the stupid murderer my young daughter is very sweet but has a mouth like a sailor we have a deal that the only person she can swear at is the moon if you come past a house on the right time of the month you'll hear a five-year-old and a middle-aged man shouting screw you moon and shut up you crap at the night sky f off space egg freaking galactic cheese earth orbiting [ __ ] circle love it when the community comes together to insult the moon most honest used car ad i've ever seen 2003 vw jetta no longer needed by my son as he seems to take my tahoe whenever he wants body in good shape interior as well though smells like a crayon factory backseat unused he couldn't get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a fistful of bananas runs well may need fresh clutch because he drives like a little a-hole ah nibble rings knuckle tattoos black nail polish and what appears to be a suspiciously large bottle of lubridem on the counter behind you if i shared a picture of the national flags of kurdistan tonga albania china morocco singapore switzerland and the isle of man there would still be fewer red flags in that image than in this one exquisite and then it says sips i gotcha i got a drink right here nice that was a gross sip people shouldn't have to pimp themselves off to the military to afford college wtf they don't lol actually almost every teacher i've ever had has suggested joining the military because they'll pay for college and almost half of my class is either doing it or considering it but i hope that rocky live under has air conditioning dave dave calm down dave please rate my medavada sound bar and nario chutney i didn't know you could tweet from prison thanks gordon that dude looks like a piranha with down syndrome he looks like a feral david spade to me he's got the david spade eyes but i see where you're getting piranha from that's a cute that's a cute insult that's a cute one i have eaten pudding smarter than her dede jesus christ this is like a 30 year old 40 year old woman dede jesus can he raise lifeguard requirements i'm sorry but i just don't trust a 19 year old 110 pound blonde named mackenzie with the iq of mcchicken to save my life the game dev had enough of people reporting insults so he did one himself we don't accept screenshots as evidence you absolute lem sips stop reporting verbal abuse as i said before use the ignore button or log out nobody cares that a level 6 told you he would use a hamster as a wiener sock grow thicker skin life is not a safe space let me develop my game sure we'd support this cauliflower and kale burger from kfc this is literally that one burger from spongebob that almost killed the health inspector the nasty fatty hey teens vaping isn't fleek or fire that's why the state of ohio launched my life my quit to show you that you don't need fat clouds to be radical what in the name of social security stealing bg's listening get off my lawn screaming may i speak to your manager haircut having pull up your pants young man ridiculousness is this that was a flavorful insult taylor that's a 10 out of 10. should be felon the only thing he should host is a parasite the guy with blue hair looks like a rejected vampire concept from twilight hey don't talk about icy narco like that he taught spongebob how to play the clarinet i hate icy narco so much he's an idiot he's type guy that only has one brain cell left that bounces around his skull like a window screen saver thanks jesus thanks juking jesus that that imagery is cute this girl has extendo feet with feet that big she don't need a car two steps and that bro should be at her destination [Laughter] screw me in the eye this girl is more useless than the letter k and knife wait does it didn't this dude get on tosh.0 for his comedy i like this guy veggie pizza on the lake get help you mess of recessive genes boobs radley why would you say that to scott walker with his veggie pizza no wonder i can't find any circuses to go to all the clowns are running this account all men i repeat all men are trash my dad is not she looks like that girl from bob's burgers well joe rogan does interview a lot of famous people whoa that is a very hairy man bro that's plus 30 light armor this is what you look like when you wear leather in minecraft wanna know something you can't unsee his hair starts where her stops joe rogan is the embodiment of dude like what if the colors you see like aren't the colors i see whoa dude honestly if he wasn't so successful and famous this is exactly who he'd be why do bronies get so upset about being friend-zoned i thought friendship was magic irony i genuinely didn't know bronies were still a thing john mulaney looks like a kennedy family offspring yet sounds like a 14 year old boy impersonating a 1970s sportscaster yeah yeah i can see it before after dreadlocks auckland coney's it bro went from lesbian to egyptian i'm sure the kid genuinely likes it okay let's let's be easy remember when tim allen tweeted this if we evolved from apes why are there still apes oh buzz lightyear i understand now why you thought you were a space ranger in the first movie i asked my college professor the same question and in an hour evolution was discredited adaptation is science if dogs evolved from wolves why are there still wolves why are there still single cell organisms and how do they get on twitter people have read it what is a question you have for people of an opposite gender that you wouldn't say irl guys when you sit down to poo in the toilet what do you do with your dangly bits do you let it touch the water do you put it on the seat do you put it on your leg oh my god this is exactly what my girlfriend asked me about last week i literally had to show her how i put it over my shoulder and it was a weird bonding experience but at least she knows now i regret to inform you that our bits do not hang as low as our self-esteem someday i hope my brain is as smooth as opie's like a freshly waxed bowling lane watching thoughts slide into the gutter and miss all the pins god bless opie's heart i've never heard an insult sound so sincere and heartwarming imagine looking like this and thinking you're the superior race dude looks like a super-sized minion probably has the verbal complexity of one as well i was secretly brilliant hey it's tim minchin i'm kidding don't attack me i love bill's hair it looks like he's standing in front of his own haircut it's not so much what he said but looking at bill's face after he said it why does your mustache look like the mountains preschoolers draw in their drawing class they're not drawing mountains fool they're drawing him here is a picture of my ugly face because apparently it doesn't matter what you post on this sub i played you in skyrim great my professor is really something rated awful i never wore my seatbelt while driving to school because i wanted to die before making it to his class i'm not sure what to say other than that i'm intrigued by your aspiration to become a dilf tell me a joke your best one wanna hear a joke about paper it's probably gonna be terrible you're just too good i'm witty and relatable quote of the day what did the zero say to the eight i'm not sure what to say other than that i'm intrigued by your aspiration to become a dilf oh boy no he didn't i think that the employee are just having too much fun employee singular ah plural subject verb agreement you singular mom thanks for putting up with such a peepee head of a son like my brother oh got you with the old bait and switch i dj this festival and can confirm that the teenager kicking this guard is over the age of 18 and will be prosecuted and sent to jail oh cool you got paid to press play your name spelled backwards is hard [Laughter] get your name changed for the love of god king of the d-bags hey it's this guy lamau he looks like an inexperienced manager at a small-time hotel that's in way over his head and doesn't know what to do with the crazy crowd that shows up on his first night shift so he just starts talking smack hoping it's good enough someone who's works in hotels i've noticed someone exactly like this oh that's just such a good definition of him wow oh i love this bro here's some topless pics oh yeah in iowa the farmers would try to milk you please find a shirt i mean hey at least he's got something to milk that's weird you look really up dog in that picture huh up dog you got that up dog look on your face what the frick you got the i get no lady and let my dog lick peanut butter off my balls look on your face dog not much how about you okay i like male designs but this show's female character designs kinda suck every moment she's on screen looks like it's true oh my god i'm so glad someone else also feels this about dr stone's characters honestly i understand art styles i really do but they just look so weird palpatine looks like an evil colin mockery it's your friend palpatine and your pal friend pertinent what's wrong with humans there's literally just a giant garbage island just floating out in the ocean oops wrong pick as a straight male how would you feel about your child having a homosexual school teacher who they're around for eight hours of the day if a gay teacher teaches my child the difference between there there and there i'm good why is he wearing one of those cheesy jokes shop disguises we can tell it's you behind the comedy mustache glasses and nose and now you will never unsee it on him ever again adele looks like she's been on a greek island singing abba songs for the last year oh mamma mia am i right college students do not have to go in depth to get a degree they can work their way through like many of us did before the day of student loans ma'am you were classmates with moses when college classes cost only a few shekels this man's eye placement allows him to see picasso's paintings as regular portraits no no don't say that four foot eleven huh try again not the icebreaker you want to go with do better keep being a little feminine pup and i'm gonna come over and hide all your stuff on the top of the refrigerator the monkey's poor i wish for the ability to switch between normal sight and sight that makes me see all the people that want to have kinky times with me granted you now have the ability to close your eyes oh my god destruction 100 kaboom you look like if post malone went to college smart idea to be honest next time i go to the beach i'm gonna anonymously call the police on every girl that looks better than me you're gonna be calling all day don't ruin your afternoon prince philip looks several decades younger in latest snaps he doesn't look a day over wriggle mortars i'm in class kids are working talking and whatnot i hear this you're like a plunger always bringing up old stuff i hollard what's a phase your significant other went through that drove you up the wall my wife went through this really weird phase where she dress up like herself and act like a huge freaking feminine dog all the time [Laughter] oh why do people stay together when they feel this way mo judge judy don't even care y'all if you were the trophy at the end of my race i would walk backwards he seems to be using his brain as just a filler to keep his skull from collapsing oof how are you doing wee-man are you a weird-looking straight guy or a weird-looking gay guy on your face just to cover it up so now we've gone from sexism to racism notice how every female employee at buzzfeed wears a nose ring because no one's willing to put one on their finger whenever i'm mad at you i go on goodreads and read one star reviews of your books my daughter that's cold man it's freaking brutal morty i'm so proud of her is kamal nanjiani's pp multiple colors yes every shade of your mom's lipstick sir please teach me your suaveness it took billions of years to create this universe countless generations upon generation of technological development and advancements in society we are truly the most advanced civilization in the known universe and the only known place in trillions of light years of empty space we were blessed with the knowledge of learning and becoming self-aware but apparently none of this mattered when someone decided to create fortnite prawn why don't you code yourself a hairline on the z-axis instead of only x and y god i love this subreddit do i need to revive caesar so you can practice using a freaking knife don't care what you think i think he sounds better with a scottish accent adam is the kind of guy to drop off his wife to her boyfriend's house oh no then shapiro the type of guy to remind the teacher to check last night's homework how can you say that you've awakened him you've got no evidence she was just going off feelings quackity is that kind of guy who can be 13 20 or 35 years old he's the guy for every girl no matter her daddy issues ian is dressed like he trafficks illegal iguanas on side to pay for his french rifle addiction what addiction ah slash hittable faces this lard-ass looking motherflipper this man about to show me my vaulted gringotts stereotypes the two guys hosting this vid have the likability and charisma of cancer i mean it doesn't help they're wearing by far the most boring dress shirts i have ever seen pizza karen i'm literally autistic and every day i feel increasingly not disabled compared to people like this pizza woman oh yes the hacking subway lady oh she's my favorite at this point this isn't a karen this is a betty ah don't do betty dirty until betty white is gone from this world you will respect that name sir i genuinely enjoy interacting with 98 of you all two percent of you however suck so much booty that your mouth has physically turned into a booty hall vacuum may you have become an entire booty hop just a vile gaped pit of poop flowing freely much love to the 98 today pickup lines did you like bubble gum cause i have something else pink that's gonna go in your mouth hard and dry and come out soft wet and sticky this is a good pickup line if you're 12 you're free to use it when you're picking up 12 year olds freaking hell dude i've just been murdered nice thank god i'll let the children know it's safe to play outside again double kill killing spring r slash frick you karen this karen who works at 7-eleven after an at-risk customer complained that she nor other customers were wearing masks she looks like the type of woman to bite your pee pee while sucking geez even god's had enough of carrots he's literally making her fade from existence brought to you by the science foundation heaviest objects in the universe sun neutron star black hole girls on tinder who say must be over six foot boys should then reply do you have one bigger than a football i mean they do but they're more like school-owned footballs that have been kicked around by kids for a decade or two before getting popped on the edge of a face [Music] oh that's a terrible idea men always think i take my glasses off during kinky times so they don't get damaged but really i just don't want to see a pp in high definition you might need your glasses on to see mine at all ooh self burn those are rare can always rely on nicocado to tell me that hey at least i'm not eating this much junk food this guy is eating mcdonald's so often his hairline is shaped like their logo oh that's worse than a bad diet it's genetics middle of the night kinky times the kind where you wake up entangled in each other and no words are spoken caresses turn into kisses and kisses turn into passion i'd just be happy if she stopped freaking snoring she's like an asthmatic yuck drowning in custard wow that is an imagination and a half 6x9 is the kind of guy who cancels his doctor's appointment because he was sick well you don't want the doctor to get sick you see i mean doctors are pretty important they help people who are sick you don't want to make him sick a word from the holy crusader your pee pee is smaller than the on literally every mobile game at you freaking sinners ninovirus has halted the release of new cardi b music every image i see cardi b and she always looks like someone just taught her how water works oh my god no way drink it again where does it go medusa can't be medusa at least medusa makes me hard when i look [Music] this is the first thing on reddit i have actually audibly laughed at the avector isn't real the avigdor oh for god's sake now listen here your oblong freak cake i will extend your neck above the average human height limit no girl has actually seen a picture of a man holding a fish and thought he has a lot of talent and skill and seems really adventurous and fun i would like to have sex with him so maybe let's stop doing that no man has ever seen a selfie of a girl with star freckles and butterflies around her face while wearing a halo and 16 different color gradients around them and thought boy is she pretty okay but to be fair this isn't her dating profile though still an excellent burn nonetheless if anything a man holding a fish means he'll be into you regardless of your smell just saying just a gentleman singing nothing to see here what do you guys say about that amrish vidali after keeping this song as alarm at 6 00 am i started getting up at 5 30 a.m you know at least that's a positive to take away from that like now he's getting up earlier so i guess in a way his music changed your life baby boomers did that thing where you leave a single square toilet paper on the roll and pretend it's not your turn to change it but with a whole society you hear that gretchen we're on dia change that role change that role gretchen name this band with four words or less my chemical dependence brothers from another sister 30 seconds to jail four finger meth punch teenage mutant heroin addicts meth italica crack street boys and my personal favorite beavis and the butt heads roast me these said be there or be square and this dude didn't show up ended up looking like minecraft steve that is this that is such a square at such a young age too man's got the joe swanson jawline beardless keanu reeves looks like spencer from icarly turning into snape mid transformation who does bad baby make music for girls who walk the mile in gym class will eat in flamin hot cheetos and cookie monster pajama paints coming from florida i know exactly what kind of girl they're talking about and they smell real bad too they smell like takis my friend is dating a guy named blaine and i accidentally called him blaze which was her ex's name and she got really mad at me as if it's my fault that she exclusively dates guys that sound like pokemon gym trainers now she's gonna dig a guy named brock and then she's gonna go off the deep end and date a guy named lieutenant serge [Music] [Laughter] hey it's boob mates if character was judged by how you ah come on come on say words damien say words if character was judged by how well you replaced the toilet paper roll you guys are drank somewhere between [ __ ] and [ __ ] on meth sorry mom lol roast me it says roast me in braille oh poor guy oh man franz's eu minister names her cat brexit because he quote meow is loudly to be let out but just stands there when i open the door okay nathalie the french always know how to expertly diss people alright oh no it's cats this is what people from bird box saw before they died i'd believe it he looks like a centaur and doesn't even have a horse body it doesn't have a horse body you're right about you know you're absolutely correct there is no horse body attached to that man charlemagne looks like an 11 year old tried to draw two pack instead of thug life it's hog life for charlemagne look at that shiny chrome dome on that man i think if i rubbed his bald head i'd get three wishes don't wear that crap to church you fat bruh no one wants to see that and then it's a vomit emoji which probably sounds like something like that that's a bold statement from someone who looks like the entire cast of duck dynasty to a bucket and left it to ferment for 50 years how dare you say that to my face well i'd say it to your back but my car only has half a tank of gas now sit back down i made a funny joke the laugh tracks coming in what's the difference between america and yogurt if you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture can we get a can we get a sound effect can we that was that was a good one do we get a rim shot please is that what's up is that is that what that's called i don't know what the the term for that pun sound is called [Music] is that freaking discord light mode yes and i use reddit light mode too your weak eyes are no match for mine you seek comfort in the dark like some foul goblin will i i bathe in the splendor of the light like the godly being i am perish the donut shop owner looks like a homeless jimmy fallon after his late night career went to put ah guys been struggling he looks like a character tommy wiseau would play man breaks into a burger king and drinks gallons of deep frying oil [Music] now before we get to the actual like you know insult of that is this man medically okay i first of all how did no one catch him breaking in because he looks like the boomer from left for dead too number two dude looks like squidward's house thanks uh jekyll berry five guys ed sheeran got hot he looks like a grilled cheese that fell in the dirt [Laughter] ed sheeran with tattoos is just not something i like seeing that that whole body tattoo thing makes him look like a soundcloud sad boy there are approximately one million ten thousand three hundred words in the english language but i could never string enough words together to properly express how much i want to hit you with a chair alexander hamilton to thomas jefferson it's a real quote my beard is like god why is he in the fallout 4 character creation bathroom [Laughter] you look like someone who's still evolving thanks nintendo oh hey another roast me if any guy with a finish on your face the makeup would dehydrate this enemies oh oh damn lemony snicket what serious unfortunate events you've been through you ugly oh man a little bit of explosives here i gotta try and uh lemony snicket what series of unfortunate events you've been through you ugly uh uh um you ugly son of a gun so it doesn't have the same impact dude you can't you can't this doesn't have the same punch honestly screw viruses they're not even alive they're just strands of punk dna that go around freaking us up normal in god-fearing life forms you don't even have a nucleus you stupid bacteriophage looking horizontally transmitting rna clump i'm sure i mispronounced one of those words the music is gay looks like you both have something in common if this gets r slash murdered by words i want to be in the screenshot thanks skeleton toucher not every mild insult is a murder you skeleton molesting freak god really said and from nothing let there be abrupt and created you smh dawg what is up with their why do they look like pixar characters get this out of here i didn't ask for dr seuss caricatures of real people grand wizard and his young apprentice these guys look like some kind of zelda merchants that sell you artichokes and pumpkins respectively [Laughter] welcome to audience we got just what you crave yao anti-gay dude caught in a gay strip club funny thread with a special pearl thought this would belong here this guy is so far in the claws he sucking wayne air and narnia we have been feeling good looking lately give us hell you look like you'll both cheat on each other with the same man ola fire emoji just to show that she's one of them bad baddies you know real for real real she a bad one yo shadow look like a [ __ ] about to cast a spell i hope your dad gets a speed boost next time he chases you with his belt i'll give this a yeah ain't that a throwback to an old meme human ken doll rodrigo alvas it looks like some sort of master race super serum gone horribly wrong charlie is starting to look like someone tried to draw keanu reeves from memory what's up everybody it's keonu reeves i can't do a critical of impression i can't do a impression of charlie time to talk about sex my son so what do you want to know the dad looks like he's just been let out of the cellar for his daily slice of bread [Music] [Laughter] oh kodak out here looking like the point one percent of the germs that survive hand wash damn kylie jenner is officially the youngest self-made billionaire in history about his self-made as a dad's financial boom got him my name's matt james i actually lent a girl an umbrella yesterday which makes the total number of girls i've made wet this year to you know minus one i like it but in my opinion it would be better if you placed hands on both legs one on each then you could control how much you want them to connect i would say your mom should get that tattoo but her legs never close enough for the fingers to touch that is fantastic if you ever wonder what having a brother is like what time you out 6 30 why because if you dress like a cow today and you go to chick-fil-a you get a free meal and you're already a castle one and you're already a cow so i want you to come with me [Laughter] us white girls who grew up with the little mermaid deserved a true to color ariel disney you made a huge mistake by hiring halle berry this is going in the trash i would criticize but i guess when your mother was an empty store brand wine cooler bottle and your father was a set of dollar store truck nuts we have to take you as you are also it's we white girls becky as in we white girls got arrested for public intoxication behind the armies again and they say this time they may not let us do community service at the church with a good wi-fi puppy sad face emoji that's really that that's a good one i mean look at him he looks like a clown man was bored in a sentience why does he look like a bully from it he looks like he smokes cigarette butts off the ground in the parking lot [Applause] nice mariah carey beginning with i don't want a lot for christmas and then revealing she wants you is such a good burn mark zuckerberg always looks like the guy in a zombie movie who's been bitten but is trying to keep it a secret from everyone you okay there mark you okay there zuckster yeah i'm fine i'm fine just just tired yeah you're bleeding from the arm there mark yo you get you got bit no no i didn't get bit yeah your skin's turning green [Laughter] me in fourth grade look under there friend underwear me you fool you absolute [ __ ] you are such a monumental idiot that you don't even realize what you just said i am a verbal magician and you my friend are a naive simpleton your family line deserves to die with you you you said underwear like what we wear under our clothes you puts [Laughter] you don't you ever meet someone who's just the human form of crumbs in the bed yeah that's me what you want about it huh my brother is a freaking gremlin this mfo looks like he runs on all fours up the stairs when his mom says the pizza rolls are done you know his mama goes hey mikey the pizza rolls they're finished and he just scutters up like i smell pepperoni it just scutters up on all fours why millie looking like a social worker ready to take your kid it's true she does she looks like one of those people who goes to a restaurant orders diet water she just can't have any carbs people who make their minecraft house out of birch use light mode on twitter good job trying to censor out nopafy's profile idiot did man really land on the moon in 1969 or was it all publicity stunned hi there it would take a team of 300 000 engineers working for nearly 10 years to design a vehicle to plumb the crushing depths of my disappointment in you right now and that brings us to the end of our slash rare insults and that's why it's one of my favorite subreddits it's always a jolly old good old fun time for the whole family if you like the video of a like down below and you know what just between you and me how about you subscribe okay how about that subscribe it's free doesn't cost you anything that's right you heard me right not a single dime and as always i'll be seeing you [Music] you

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,148,129

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes

Id: SwdWnNiXgOI

Length: 61min 24sec (3684 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 04 2021