THE BEST OF r/ME_IRL

[Music] british people be like i don't know if i'm busy that day let me check my schedule oh what a weird dog maybe a dragon hi cloud i like this sudden headcanon of exactly how small animals speak in their heads my mom at the checkout you must not fail go me being sent out to find onions every time mom come on why can't you remember man shoots himself in the penis while robbing a chicago hot dog stand a wiener for a wiener sources dude trust me all right dude i trust you yikes that sounded kind of depressing better put a lmao in there to throw them off gotta soften the blow yo mofo's got a silencer i got a loud and sir me at friend's house friend so what do you want to do me i don't know it's your house i don't know you're the guest i don't know it's your house this will go on forever me murders an entire village and sets everything on fire minecraft he attack he attack but most importantly he attack you ever notice a hammer looks like a wee guy swinging a baseball bat no i didn't but now i can never unsee that thank you sorry we are closed due to short staff hire taller staff because i need a taco cool recipe for anyone struggling with depression bread i'll do you one better can i interest you in a miracle whip sandwich in ratatouille when linguine brings remy back to his apartment and gets all embarrassed and is like it's not much to a rat that's my level of insecurity dude same gotta click these bad boys a few times before using them yeah you know that's right the headline should clearly be kim jong il come on journalists don't make me do your job for you no no please maybe you should do their jobs for them julius caesar's assassination was the last time everyone in a group project did their part apart from the fact that 60 people agreed to stab him and he only had 23 stab wounds sounds about right [Laughter] 60 people did you know you can just start screaming basically anywhere it's not illegal or anything i learned that a long time ago that's what my youtube channel was i don't think this is working out i feel like you never listen to a word i say lol my bacon looks like a sea horse no his priorities are just in the right place i found a way to make my penis 12 inches long fold it in half hell yeah motherfreaker looks like me in the third grade except i was a little bit scrawnier hearing my voice in my head hearing my voice in videos sorry bro can't relate it baffles and infuriates me that hogwarts students don't take latin or greek accio literally i summon lumos freaking light expelliarmus expel weapon oh i wonder what levocorpus does you dumb bastard you illiterate it's called levitt corpus it lifts someone's body it levies yoga corpus hermione ghost wrote this and she's right i mean come on 30 000 years of evolution to improve senses and survive in the wild has led to this beautiful moment dog eats burrito in one second ain't that the truth burritos beware you've got a new apex predator on your hands how companies think we see prices well technically they're not wrong there's a reason they list it like that look it up hey bro you still have that owl for sale owl what owl oh i guess it was a dream lol okay must have been a cool dream i need to get out of this bed or i'm gonna be late for the couch same except swap couch with desk chair me tries to eat cake at 2am plastic cake container now all of china knows you're here seriously did they manufacture those things too sound that loud or what imagine trying to explain this to your future self two months ago i don't want to imagine that do you want to learn to play the banjo no thanks i see there are quite a few tabs torn off though when you drive your chevy to the levee but the levy is dry and them good old boys are drinking whiskey and rye guess this will be the day that i die when you're sleeping on the couch and someone wakes you up and tells you to go to your bed excuse me but i fell asleep where i fell asleep you shut up and leave me alone the most famous teens on tick tock just broke up keep searching boys we gotta find who the hell asked it's human nature to give too much of a crap about people that you'll never ever meet i miss the homies oh i agree my man hang in there we'll get our chance again soon me in the u.s on my fourth week of lockdown there are 72 519 stones in my walls i've counted them many times someone in italy on their sixth week but have you named them yet not yet my tongue finding the popcorn kernel in my tooth my finger trying to find it many whales are bigger than big bird and that's like his freaking thing whales are but a small speck in the eyes of jupiter you blubber nugget dang jupiter facts go hard my friend how are you so good at talking me the night before thinking of every possible conversation you gotta prep for everything guys if you're under 30 and your email address isn't a gmail account you're a serial killer oh thank god i moved to gmail a good while ago that way nobody will know i'm a serial killer now i'm safe no you can't just ignore my defense mechanism and eat me haha mouth go ah [Laughter] just a polite tall dutch guy at a concert i should get this shirt too i'm not tall i'm just generally disappointing to people yep i certainly feel that ants when i step on their stupid freaking pile of dirt that took them two thousand ant years to build [Laughter] someone do you have a special talent me oh my god it's not just me then thank the lord are you a boy or a girl i'm dead a fine gender see we told you there was more than two i don't give a single heck about a stranger's opinion on the internet i'm way more interested in garlic bread have you ever eaten freaking garlic bread it's delicious that strange-looking dog is on to something i mean i talk about garlic bread 90 of the time i'm chatting with folks me adding nevertheless in my essay for a little razzle dazzle that'll get you an a-minus six-year-old with one arm takes on pga tour pros and loses that's an article you love to see suspect i ain't talking cop sharpens knife we got ways of making people talk cuts a piece of cake can i have some cake is for talkers oh don't do that that's just inhumane movie dialogue movie soundtrack we need one more panel that takes it up a notch for the sound effects me and my profile pic versus me in the zoom meeting come on at least shower maybe get yourself some coffee you know also make yourself a 2d animated cartoon not that hard my anxiety thinking that everyone hates me my depression telling me no one cares enough about me to hate me [Laughter] mario kart mario kart is a video game designed to realistically simulate what driving is like in italy now i just imagine bullet bills being a regular occurrence in italy and it's driving me wild thinking about the guy who bowled the perfect game on 9 11. look i'm sure he wasn't 100 aware of what was going on at the time and if he was i mean you go bill denial i can't believe it's not butter anger what not butter bargaining could it be butter depression this is not butter unbelievable acceptance unsalted margarine [Laughter] me pours out last bit of cereal from the box the cereal oh oh no thanks one upvote equals five push-ups repost if you're brave me physically unable to do one push-up i'd have to put the limit on a hard seven and a half push-ups that's all i can give you me needs toilet at 3am we can go in smart or we can go in loud and dumb no you always go for loud and dumb assert your dominance in that 24-hour ihop when there's no next episode button to click on that's when the panic sets in because you gotta find something just as good when people ask how i learned to fix computers i just keep googling stuff and it keeps working the crocs are finally returning to rivers nature is healing we are the virus god dang it oh my freaking god we have to just keep washing dishes and putting them away and putting more food on them and washing them again over and over and over again until we die yes because that is the bare minimum for being an adult gen so you know what deal with it isn't it weird how we pay money to see other people you mean prostitution concerts or movies glasses there are two types of people in this world saw a pigeon having a job interview earlier i hope he got it me too he probably needs it a lot and times are tough right now i'm so lonely why must i live this life alone in solitude will this loneliness ever end don't freaking touch me anyways here's wonderwall why is your ukulele so big i feed it well when you see some children dropping your jewelry into lava guess i'll die the microwave the food the bowl show me the nitric oxide formula please no oh oh well so you want to do it the hard way huh you can't just post a random photo you found on the internet and expect people to get it the photo there it is me tries to walk quiet through the house at 4am my ankles can someone please explain to me why this phenomenon happens to nearly everybody please god ban the phrases in these uncertain times or in this together from commercials indefinitely burger king isn't your friend it's a freaking fast food chain marketing agencies respond quicker than the government that is very true and they always will when will the skate park be reopened when there's not a pandemic i'm a tad more worried about businesses and the well-being of working adults than a skate park that's because you can't kick flip greg oh greg you just got served dude dead inside but still horny more photos of me seriously how are people getting these the new bagless dyson soul harvester only 899.99 hey little man how's it going yeah bart would you like to say grace god we paid for all this ourselves so thanks for nothing yeah god when are you gonna start chipping in for groceries man me the least drunk my friends trying to give me their mcdonald's orders orders now i'm just getting a bag with like 37 cheeseburgers in it we'll nibble on that me paying my rent with negative oil barrel money water is so nice water doesn't call me an idiot i've got no proper response that's totally fair when you get an extremely rare item during the tutorial and the game lets you keep it seriously i want to know real quick if this phenomenon is true for everybody else keep an eye out for your local domino's drivers keep track of how many times the car is a piece of garbage and how many times the car is really nice because hey the amount of domino's drivers i've seen with porsches and stuff is really strange and makes me think i'm in the wrong business when it's so quiet that your ears start ringing silence silence buying one dollar for 25 cents merchant can sell any type of item to any kind of merchant and you got some good skills there bert have you seen my waste paper basket ask me that again and look into my eyes sometimes i'm ernie sometimes i'm burnt inside of you there is an ernie there is also a bert you are a muppet you were hired to build a suspension bridge i know this thing could collapse any minute probably this is completely unsatisfactory you mean you can feel it feel what the suspense so what kind of pictures would you like to see i want pictures of spider-man don't we all but no one on tinder ever gives them to us i wonder if he's thinking about me i need to reach that tree before that car or i'll die i gave birth to you mom me using logic in an argument look by now if you haven't learned that you can never technically beat your mom in any kind of argument you're gonna have a really rough time the rest of your life her go deeper me sorry all out of [ __ ] i wish i could pull the sad out of you like this i don't think it's working jim i think you're just pulling out my lymphatic system what would that not help you feel better maybe happier this is what my husband and i purchased at the grocery store the other day we don't have kids we are adults we pay bills and we drink water from a whale money whale spent seriously i want one of those i've always wanted one of these stupid things ah yes just completed a four minute task time to rest for three and a half hours you gotta give yourself plenty of beauty rest okay what's worse than a heartbreak stepping on your dog's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry i think he knows you're sorry boy age nine so obsessed with gaming that he plays for six hours a day are you kidding me that's insultingly low april 23 2021 there are 65 people in the u.s named joshua swain april 25th 2021 there are one people in the u.s named joshua swain what the hell happened here i'd like to know too the bad guy just waiting power rangers introducing themselves one by one and we've been over this the bad guys are very polite for waiting for them to finish when you die and six black guys start to dance with your coffin really don't like that shop imagine getting away with murder 20 years ago and then some [ __ ] drops a documentary on netflix bringing it back up frick when bartenders find new jobs after all the bars close down one accidental move and he's in some trouble i never ever know what to do in this exact situation but nine times out of ten i chose wrong anyway a hedgehog screaming at the ground this is what i look like when i try to do a push-up at the gym never thought i'd relate to a hedgehog so much you can do whatever you like with my image my music remix it re-release it whatever just never make me boring freddie mercury gets trapped in a slide and calls out for mama asmr well they didn't make them boring did they when someone asks how life is going oh come on you know when people ask they do not expect you to answer honestly because then that'll annoy them youtube recommending me a good video me telling myself i'm gonna go to sleep right after watching this one 12 other good recommended videos me at 5am every single night people in animal suit will not be tolerated at our stores go to other restaurant beast man no fur man in burger king jeez i heard that burger king is eventually going to come out with a new whopper that contains 100 furry meat me come on do something also me i'm bored what should we do we should rip off our skin and flesh and sneak into the cemetery as a prank yes yeah [Applause] guys what the hell are you doing what you doing taking a bath send pic bye i can grant you one wish but i have one condition when you die your soul will be mine cool i wish to be immortal then it's a deal wait a minute i'm so freaking pissed off i just realized they're called pancakes because they're cakes you make in a frying pan frick english waterfall oh my freaking god i'm furious yeah english is pretty great isn't it nose i just typed nose with my nose heart what the frick john are you okay john john just went straight up temple of doom on your man i'm sorry gaswag kinder gas away children those germans are up to something oh jesus christ who's that pokemon 25 year old me that's a freaking eevee is that the pope i didn't know he liked that song dude we got something in common well millennials finally stopped going out for avocado toast can everybody afford a house now yeah i've already bought like five i guess those boomers were right can i eat all of this macaroni probably i can i went on a journey of self-discovery today well in that case i go on a journey of self-discovery every single night sometimes multiple times every night i mean eating a lot of macaroni guys calm down the brain is the most important part of the body hey it may be the most important but it's also the dumbest and i hate it and i want a new one where can i get one gotta find me a bed on ebay huge bed twelve thousand dollars fancy bed ten thousand dollars let's go lowest to highest phone case toothbrush yep i feel that so hard only thing worse is when you find ads on craigslist for free items and then when you click on it that's when they tell you the real price north korean leader kim jong-un recently underwent cardiovascular surgery that reportedly went frickin terrible and now the [ __ ] is in critical condition this guy is human garbage but i gotta respect the clean fade i mean that's not something he did next create your community name r going to work that name isn't going to work pretty sure it is when it's your day but no one talks about it sad earth noises god the big dumb me i think god did that to like 80 of us people on social media that don't post anything hey up there yeah you can stay rent free just keep liking my tweets please lactose intolerant people when they realize they live in the milky way up there they go into the void stop them you missed your chance pal their filthy water are blessed ground if you see a horrid beast evolving push it back in don't need no stinky evolution in my house you got no money no get out of here me waking up to play video games after playing video games all night yo what game though i've been playing that pinball game on windows xp from my vast experience in watching cartoons that car is very tired no it's four tired count em up my friend when you win a match at 3am and you hear your parents clapping from their room they love me that's exactly what's happening the seedless watermelon if i cannot reproduce nobody else will another triumph for the seedless watermelon i need more seedless watermelon comics in my life how many days until 4 20 20 420 days you can only reblog this once 2020 will be a good year top 10 anime photos taken only a few months before tragedy oh yikes holy crap is this a stroller that tony hawk invented put that crap back this is not the year more than 20 sealed coffins discovered near luxor egypt yeah please put them back we don't need that crap i cry a lot for someone who isn't even that hydrated it's fine you're probably just crying urine at this point me finally takes my schizophrenia medication my homie jerome there he goes good riddance stay out of my brain me in front of my parents me in front of my friends me in front of my girlfriend me in the shower i feel like when you're in the shower you're not completely in this universe you're kind of like in a twilight zone so to speak me my wifi you are on this wi-fi but we do not grant you the rank of connected me denny's always open except when they aren't apparently what the hell made focaccia quiz have you made the bon appetit for kasha yet or do you live with someone who can jesus maybe they just wanted to make something tasty why you gotta be like that hey are you free to hang out tomorrow to do tomorrow emergency eye exam all day i don't see why not oh god my mom not very smart but very social my dad very smart but anti-social me stupid and anti-social got the best of both jeans i like how ads have gone from buy a toyota to this is a difficult and uncertain time for us all buy a toyota guess who's watching mk videos instead of spending time with their relatives i'm recording an mk video i wonder where i'll be three years from now i'm in my bedroom used roller skates 69 dollars nice when your boss finds your reddit account i can explain everything anyone know the frame data on bernie's forward smash me me me won't lie this is definitely me teenagers in boomer comics why won't this painting change when i touch it if mcdonald's advertised like apple nugget breaking a 15 year old boy has been arrested for sneaking an army of rats into st michael's high school the army of rats was allegedly meant to wreak havoc and also kill that dirty bourgeois [ __ ] principal what is matpat's full name matthew pathu of course i'm going to deliver the baby actually we'd like him to keep his liver guys would you give an average looking girl a chance if you were to approach you first to make the first move a guy would talk to a tree if it approached him first one time my phone went off during the act but the good news is i had set my ringtone as a recording of me sniffing and clearing my throat nobody suspected the thing this is proof that standardized tests don't measure intelligence because that was smart af and i got a 12. she's broken he's brock don't be an a-hole please be considerate someone in your neighborhood is scared of fireworks the same mf for he'll be barking all night long you're right bro you smack rats yeah nice rat smacker oh sorry wrong person no let's talk i hate when people ask me what i'll be doing in 38 days come on guys i don't have 20 20 vision if you guess the animal you'll be my girlfriend aunt correct youtube rewind 2019 will have at least four instances of someone saying okay boomer in the wrong context you know they're probably not wrong and that's sad slaps roof of car frick i broke the windows come on elon musk your alarm is set for 2 hours and 17 minutes from now this is such a such a personal call out i hate it emma watson was actually writing during the scenes where she had to use a quill and it's the cutest thing this is the zodiac speaking i'm not reading that whole thing not stolen but conquered okay but that's worse you do get how that's worse right what does that mean it's the louisiana purchase duh that's mama luigi to you mario when your chosen music application plays three straight bangers in a row that's it's true though i love that post laundry feeling when you've got all the a-list clothes back in the game oh absolutely six-year-old me opening automatic doors 38 year old me opening automatic doors it's true though i will do that until the day i die so why do you want to work for our company me i mean yeah what are they going to say no you're wrong what is betrayal when you're holding a baby and they put their arms out for someone else damn it be like that though adding lamau does not hide your hurt yes it does lamau cats should only eat cat food cat who wants a little salami during labor the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a cat feels like when you don't give cat salami cat win only cat food cats when haves a little salami what is this new meme i've never seen this until today oh my god issue can cats have salami cat should only eat cat food cats can have a little salami thanks bernie co-worker posted pictures of himself in random places when he quit found this on the back of a clock he quit two years ago everywhere i go i see his face my spotify algorithm finally i know what music you like me listens to take me home country roads for an hour my spotify algorithm huh if you could grow an extra body part what would it be and why probably a heart because a lot of people need heart transplants and not too many are available and i could give it to someone screw that i'd grow another arm so i could jerk off while playing assassin's creed brotherhood is it too late to change my answer happy thanksgiving europeans minding their own business bro share me the password of your netflix account i won't give it to anyone else my netflix after two hours me a non-native speaker proudly watching tv without having to use subtitles british accent this statue is called emptiness and was created by a grieving parent it describes how cats feel when they don't get any salami god damn it friend you can't fix the tesla truck me oh my god i instant buy if i had the money my cat a little salami got stop it coffee mug lisa simpson i love literal memes i don't know why choose your fighter burger guy anyone who would put food on a public restroom floor fears nothing and has nothing to lose asmr yoda goes for a job at taco bell but is denied due to being a registered sex offender and obama's there for some reason friendly reminder that it ate an entire slide because there was a pebble in his shoe well what else were you supposed to do dude my mom is in the room and you're talking about shaving your [ __ ] i'm speechless that speech boomers death gen xyz climate change bad economy gen xyz oh no when you're sick cave painting of you killing a saber-tooth only gets seven oogaboogas confused unga manga what'd you do this weekend nothing my brain i mean nobody wants to admit they ate nine cans of ravioli carnivores i only eat meat herbivores i only eat plants omnivores food is food hooray i'm helping good for you one tennis balls are 50 off oh my god that dog he's ready to kill he wants them my fbi agent after finishing his shift what the first minecraft tree sees i don't want to be a minecraft tree me not knowing what to wear the same black hoodie i've been wearing for five years my apartment's ginkgo tree realized it was november and panicked all right get these leaves off of me gonna tell my kids this was keanu reeves i'm okay with it jerry traynor's uh what a wonderful guy do you know how sexy it is when he teases you in bed with a bird leaf bro you mean a feather yeah heartbreak is horrible but have you ever gone into a virtual reality death game and watched the love of your life crumble into digital code without getting her email address damn it really do be like that though did you come here to die nah mate cammy yesterday is this called a fapoon or a spork if you call this a fapoon please stay far away from me not a cellphone inside just people living in the moment that's true warnings graphic sex swearing french oh god not french anything but the french girls when they accidentally touch each other's arms omg your skin is so soft i love it boys gay silence poor little parrot killed by the high temperatures ah no it's corn well that that's good cat stands for russian national anthem you can take cat from russia but you cannot take russia from cat step summary you took two steps last week that's two more steps in the previous week fitness isn't just a hobby it's a lifestyle who took my oh i found it wish to learn german language der dai das apple planning to release biggest iphone ever in 2020 jesus is enormous nightclub me shouting over the loud music at the bartender what is the soup of the day we're short staffer tonight that's crazy good luck though karl marx capital volume one when you find out approximately 95 of all ocean critters remain undiscovered all right then keep your secrets get it 13.7 billion years ago nothing everything boom me walking into the gym for the first time in three years while i have the tiger blares through my headphones yeah it's elbow in the corner of my desk my entire nervous system how is this so accurate like i can feel this image bro how you get hair before me give me that imagine using the lower left and upper burners on a stove this post was made by lower right burner gang i am in the lower right burner gang she's a funny meme my nose air describe a good strategy for getting fake internet points make a fake test question and write a good answer with your left hand then correct it right handed in red pen that's dumb nobody will believe that's real bottled during the roman empire the oldest bottle of wine in the world remains unopened since the 4th century drinks 4th century wine stomach hurts everything turns to black wake up and a horse carriage hey you're finally awake i just want someone to take me out like on a date or with a sniper gun surprise me he's scared so i gotta lure him out with some food your ram it belongs to me you can't discuss the history of toys r us without mentioning how the horrors of 9 11 made jeffrey briefly lose his cartoon innocence when i pass someone to see if they look as stupid as they drive my friends trying to give me their mcdonald's orders me the leafs drunk to find 33 creatures living in a cave that was sealed off for 5 million years seal that cave back up and walk away this is not the year man hashtag ten year challenge year seven to uni let me see your ears whatever you do to my daughter i'll do to you bisexual dudes oh no how is everything i don't know i've been ignoring it same man same most people kill it most vegans to the garden little one be free me your name is fred and you can live in that corner over there let me know if you need anything oh that's so me discord is full of wisdom any machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough ha ain't that the truth they said it couldn't be done oh my god it's glorious by 0.0001 bitcoin changes bio investor and entrepreneur living life in the sky eat sleep bitcoin casey neistat even liked it i love this petition to add meteor animations to the dino game when it connects to the internet oh no i have my phone in french what the heck is wrong with you i'm french oh i'm sorry i'm so so sorry oh wow this stick is sick hey coat guess what i am what fantastic depressed oh when you 20 minutes deep in an argument and you realize you misunderstood something oh that one gets me every time what's an adult problem nobody prepared you for fruit and vegetables expire faster when you're the one paying for them everything expires faster when you're the one paying for them i mean hell i just bought a loaf of bread and it spoiled on the way home allow calculator to make and manage phone calls wait costume party host what are you me a harp your costume's too small to be a harp are you calling me a liar oh ooh that's a good one i fixed giraffes no no you didn't six-year-old me getting out of the pool because my mom said my hot dog was ready my nine-year-old ass infecting my computer with viruses so i can get a cool mouse cursor i totally forgot about those i appreciate the honesty pick a password don't reuse your bank password we didn't spend a lot on security for this app the simpsons did not predict the future it's just that our reality is becoming so ridiculous it looks like a satire cartoon you did it you crazy son of a [ __ ] you did it every time you sneeze you steal it from somebody else there's only ever one sneeze in the world if two people sneeze at the same time they're borrowing the sneezes from each other very quickly it's like that electron thing it's exactly like that electron thing i'm gonna find whoever's been stealing my sneezes and break their legs have you ever had a really really good dream and when you wake up you get really freaking depressed that it was fake when i wake up i get really depressed because i woke up brain eat that entire pizza stomach please don't me eat the pizza i hurt so much i feel sick eat that dessert okay oh my god being shy and not talking saying the wrong things me didn't have my glasses walking across campus and thought i saw my boyfriend but then i thought no he's at work so i didn't say anything and at that exact moment my boyfriend was walking with his boss and says that's my girlfriend but she's not wearing glasses watch her not even recognize me and you know he was right accidentally played dad instead of dead when i encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels that's a sign of being a good dad simon you get new brain wrinkles when you learn something my brain after online classes i'm pretty sure that's my brain after literally anything me replying no worries to something that is very much worries me at a restaurant waiter here's your cup me oh thank you puts down cup thank you phil's cup up with water thank you i'll be back soon with your food thank you hey shout out to everyone who had pokemon cards when they were younger and didn't have a freaking clue how to use them that's me my hands up sex no wtf no i'm asking for gender male or female oh sorry lmao female cool wanna screw i doctor your results aren't good me can i see them probably not muhammad ali float like a butterfly jellyfish done sting like a bee i am nailing this how's life very hard what do you know so am i if you step on a person's foot they open their mouths just like trash cans lmao why am i still laughing at this all humans are trash cans confirmed when you rest your head against the bus window oh god that vibrating vision gives me a headache that is the perfect seat for someone like myself who despises being able to be seen while eating quarantine day number eleven i learned how to use the enchantment table oh my god how many levels did it take to get that enchantment babe i'm wet send me a duck pic okay if you insist quack dick yo what the heck yo if she ain't thankful for a duck pic she don't deserve a dick pic will i ever be as good as the old masters will i ever be as good as the old masters will i ever be as good as the old masters i'm the best your ancestors who were married and had three kids by the time they were 20 watching you struggle to walk past a girl oh i am totally not gonna open up the can of worms about my ancestors being able to treat women like property so on and so forth so whatever funny meme how much of an allowance did y'all get per week as a teen i was allowed to live there same i was also allowed to eat and use the electricity and the water waving goodbye on a zoom meeting the second the zoom meeting ends i've been doing that on phone calls for like 10 years the decoy keyboard is working now that is one big brain move my new business cards have just arrived please do not contact me where can i get about a thousand of these i don't know why but this just resonates with me on so many levels 21 savage say he's sitting on two albums of unreleased music i'ma be honest that looks like a chair cool sweater though spacex can land a rocket on a drone ship in the middle of an ocean and you can't even park a car straight to be fair though i've never seen someone actually park like that before when you're 30 seconds into your story and then you realize no one's listening ah pain x to one years old me x years old me that was not geometrically possible oh yeah that's right that's really weird to think about isn't it scratch scratch chump when your friend says he's going to sleep but you meet him in another match new research finds jupiter as flinging asteroids at earth honestly do you blame it absolutely not jupiter you keep doing your thing wi-fi connected that frickin act like it when you had been hiding in a corner at the party and suddenly your friend introduces you to the whole room hey oh no i gotta go now british english from school american english from movies my general disability to speak fluently internet slang german accent my pathetic english i hate this city thought i got a ticket but instead somebody left a corn on the cob on my [ __ ] oh my god it's all poland always has been stay off the tracks they're only for trains if you can read this you're not a train blind people maybe i am a train december 31st 2020 11 59 december 31st 2020 11 60. that's right we're never getting out of 2020 folks how to draw a sheep draw a cloud legs a circle for the head and there you have it a sheep someone draw a sheep using these instructions oh my god this really helped i think this is the best sheep i have ever drawn okay monty python relatives where's your son mom he's in his room playing video games tell him to come down we only see him once a month when he comes for supplies me i need a doctor's appointment receptionist okay checks bookings how about 10 tomorrow no i don't need that many currently laughing to myself in the library y'all ever noticed that the washington monument looks absolutely nothing like george washington whoa mind blown really makes you think huh the police need help identifying the person in these photos twitter do your thing i ain't no snitch but that's iron man my mom my logical argument do you know how much i've done for you ah crap here we go again fact of the day the reason why you can't dig a hole through the earth and come up on the other side is because your shovel would melt that's it that's the only reason what if you bring a second shovel that you put in the fridge beforehand to make it cold yeah that'll work okay [Laughter] is that jennifer lopez when your alarm goes off for the 500th time and you don't give a crap because you're a motorcycle and i wish i could be a motorcycle mom come outside i got groceries me oh god yeah anything but socks anything but socks outside dude this coffee will raise my productivity levels here we go weee wait no storage then four megabyte memory card is more than enough to save my 50 ps2 games storage now 500 gigabyte storage isn't enough to install my second game hell that's not even enough to get the new update for call of duty hey uh chief you're not gonna believe this holy crap they got him these guys need to figure out if they want to be seen or not jesus showing me memes from my phone and explaining why i can't go to heaven oh this is really nice jesus how the hell did this happen farmers using snapchat is such a freaking concept to me i am looking forward to many farm memes please continue erasers sacrifices their entire lives to make up for humans mistakes humans government work from home pilots when i turn the ac off to have more power in my car how it really is what it feels like convert all power from the life support to the main thrusters when you don't answer messages but you're sharing memes we know we know exactly what you're doing first date with a vegan last date with a vegan puberty wanting a deeper voice and to be taller have some ass hair instead best i can do flat earthers when they see a curve on the floor oh it's gotta be flat we gotta keep it flat dad can you please stop screaming it's just a video game also dad during football games dungeon skeletons there are so many cool weapons here i mean look at this crap what are you gonna use rusty iron spear nice me stands up really fast my entire body when you die you appear in a cinema with a number of other people who looked like you you find out that they're your previous reincarnations and soon you will all begin to watch your next life on the big screen too much my previous incarnations throwing popcorn at the screen and booing this [ __ ] is stupid i accidentally typed battle slippers instead of ballet slippers into google images and i was not disappointed i'm not disappointed either where can i get a pair me man t-rexes looked so cool scientist nah actually they looked like giant idiot birds oh bummer they were great hunters though there's evidence they were scavengers okay maybe just stop ruining they wore socks with sandals oh god they gotta ruin dinosaurs now too oh my god no no that's not true that's impossible you get comfortable in your bed you turn on some chill lo-fi music your laptop is fully charged so you turn on minecraft it starts raining outside perfect evening i gotta go walk my dog brb i'm back the return of the king yeah only took him 10 years that dog must be ripped those png transparent legs oh my god if 99 of people find you unattractive then around 75 million people on earth still find you attractive my self-confidence just shot up good luck finding the 75 million though me hungover eating breakfast my mom telling me the history of alcoholism in our family we used to be very happy and then she came along don't worry bud are you winning dad nope gotta buy another scratch card see you later son he's never coming home okay okay perfect writing it down put it in the bottle and oh boy whoever finds that is gonna be very happy summer i wish it was colder winter i wish it was warmer spring i wish i was happy me who thought the stuff on google classroom was optional months of unfinished assignments everyone why are you so negative me i exist without my consent don't we all little frog don't we all oh no six armed mercs wearing night vision goggles whatever will i do the sarcasm is astounding cactus why won't you let me hug you is it because of your prickles no it is because i do not like you i appreciate the honesty me at 2am imagining myself having a cute girlfriend and a healthy relationship with other people yeah it would kind of be nice having a healthy relationship with other people chat can't email i cannot essay of 3000 words henceforth i am unable to can brains programming what it looks like what it's actually do you know what 50 did when he got hungry 58 babe it's time for your hourly client update yes honey teachers in normal classes stop talking teachers now please guys say something reddit and twitter are my serious accounts because the funny one is my bank account oh that's the sad account look at that non-blurry kid over there lmao 4k 4ks [ __ ] cashier arrested for memorizing over 1300 customers credit card info for online purchases me trying to remember today's date me opening my eyes to see i have two minutes left before my alarm clock goes off every single day man service dog got his owner through grad school so the university gave him his own degree everyone liked that that's very true everyone did now he's an educated good boy what's the biggest impact you've made on the internet this is my cat oh my god he's legendary some woman in the middle ages does basic math the entire freaking town also that's how you beat those things sometimes my genius is it's almost frightening hearing my own voice in a recording can't relate to that one anymore i hear it far too often my brain at school my brain at 3 am while trying to sleep thunk ah you're awake i found you unconscious in the woods and brought you to my hut let me make you something to eat this is the biggest bird i've ever seen aliens right now be like we're up next god i'm so nervous i saw this documentary seven years ago when i think about this line every day all penguins have criminal look at tendencies i'll take them all please someone it smells like oranges me in the back of the class where can i get an orange that size uh no wtf it's cheekapoo can't can not henceforth i am unable to can fire versus fire not very effective poison versus poison not very effective dragon dragon dragon dragon dragon i am a huge dinosaur fearsome and mean nice neck what are you a freaking giraffe what's a giraffe loser what's a giraffe her i bet he's thinking about other women him what was that video that got removed from my youtube playlist you'll never ever know how mom peels potato how i peel potato but they both come out tasting the same my school is a historical landmark oh my god me refusing to touch my food until i find the right tv show on netflix my food me now this one here speaks to me down to my very soul an extremely rare picture of albert einstein teaching a class at lincoln university in pennsylvania in 1946. i keep forgetting this dude wasn't from the 1700s sorry i was late i spent 37 minutes in my towel staring at a wall when you realize you've gone the wrong way in public look at phonak surprise turn around can i be frank with you of course kimberly thanks mom of course frank i had two very attractive sims and they had a baby but the kid was hideous so i had it taken away then they had a daughter and she was beautiful but once she started school she brought a friend home it was the first kid he does not look happy introverts precious alone time countless holiday gatherings you all ever noticed that the washington monument looks absolutely nothing like george washington okay so it's not just me y'all ever noticed that the washington monument looks absolutely like george washington wait a second i put oil in my car and it's making sounds now like when i drive 100 pure olive oil dad mobile you better accept that or maybe don't he he might not be happy it's a prank roll them out calm down camera is there me whenever i get invited to something me whenever i'm not invited to something what does nani mean what nunny what what the frick does nani the frick mean i'm telling you what um millennials looking for a house in this city be like oh wow windows i don't think i can afford this place just going for a sick if that's all right no it's not all right because smoking is bad for you um and now you know and uh knowing is half the battle request looking for videos where people cuddle without doing it are you okay yeah i just miss my ex what crime did this tree commit to be put in tree jail treason forgot me lighter no no no no i said smoking is bad my boyfriend said oh my god my cat looks like baby yoda and i look over and sure enough yep that looks like baby yoda when i talk on the phone at my house yeah i've totally done that last one in the bottom right person a drunken mind speaks a sober heart me drunk af bees trigger cyber truck drivers be like me listening to the radio in january after the christmas music stops human music i like it when the group chat lane you gotta get your joke in before the subject changes i've i've experienced this one plenty of times it should not be a radical idea to say that all cats deserve to have the appropriate amount of salami as a basic fundamental right not just the top one percent of cats memes in 2012 oh you found someone else i'm pregnant memes of 2019 don't make me commit a melony me after taking a mean ass dump in the home depot toilet display girl our relationship is over me our relationship is what over facebook memes are taking over facebook memes are taking what over the perfect triangle doesn't exist 69 69 420. oh my god the big ass spider in my room is now named cottoneye joe because i want to know two things where did he come from where did he go update conan joe has been located and terminated f be careful with the fans they aren't meant for phones and may cook your phone internally how are you cook phones they is not meat too many bills to pay not liking your current life don't know what to do become a crab no sunburns no sand and swimsuit regrow lost limbs lots of legs never get fat and no responsibilities florida man stops street fight by running everyone over ah yes the negotiator when you break something and fix it just enough that the next person thinks they broke it the engineer well looks like you don't have any health insurance so we're gonna let you die okay fantastic thank you a man in hawaii who came face to face with a shark while surfing survived by punching the shark in the face meanwhile i saw a cockroach in my bathroom and now i shower at the gym me who thought 2013 was two years ago 2020 when you're at a house party and your friends find you upstairs playing lego star wars jedi business go back to your drinks the mandolin at a party are you that guy who brags about weird stuff no i'm the guy who takes the longest baths in the city did you know your heartbeats mimic the rhythm of music you hear 10 hours of absolute silence the original which day do you live in constant fear my best friend who's actually a pretty cool guy that i'd do just about anything for me for no reason streamer couples look like this you are not wrong a drink plus a drink plus a drink equals 30 a drink a burger and a burger equals 20. a burger fries and fries equals nine so what is a burger plus fries plus a drink 6.95 wrong make value lunch 6.95 he is not wrong he's very much correct when you've watched so many scooby-doo episodes that you immediately know who the bad guy is the problem of being faster than light is that you can only live in darkness santa giving coal to the bad kids the bad kids the bad kids melting the north pole santa me barks to my dog my dog hearing me make six grammatical errors in just one bark rip in peace eddie the sea otter that could dunk a basketball and suck his own ding dong goodbye soldier me and the boys taking a quick nap because we're all introverts and need time to recharge before we continue our usual shenanigans mcdonald's went from a happy kid to a depressed adult i think a lot of restaurants did like taco bell oops you added too much butter sugar flour baking soda egg ground beef what if your mental health had yearly wrap-ups like spotify does this year you cried 1183 times hated yourself afterwards 617 times avoided 17 social gatherings you were invited to believed 789 lies your anxiety told you vowed to try harder 9342 times yeah i'm glad it doesn't when you flush the toilet at your friend's house and the water starts rising i am therefore leaving immediately for nepal where i intend to live as a goat why did you get into comedy people were laughing at me anyway so i thought freaking might as well start charging them pictures from the 1970s pictures from another planet pictures from any big surveillance it's true people having a normal conversation me trying to join the conversation if earth was 10 feet closer to the sun we'd all burn up people in airplanes someone had signed into your account yeah that was me no it was on another device yes my tablet someone stole your tablet what no call the police americans have literally no banter i don't know what country this is coming from but we've probably beaten you in a war at some point i'm american civil war this is just every science teacher they just get overly emotional about this kind of stuff hey girl are you the cops no why because you probably aren't here for me but i'm going to act all nervous anyway plants emits ultrasonic scream when they are hurt researchers find vegans don't come on you know you're guilty me enters any quiet area my freaking organs the playstation 2 intro that's good that's a good meme right there first day is a cop me suspect is dancing naked through downtown dispatch copy that me i'll try but i'm not much of a dancer men it's so unfair men always die earlier than women also men jesus christ my brother wanted to show me his new tattoo oh my god no way maybe everything your own nice cat eats kangaroos is dead nowhere and purple penguins every day my egg beyonce kidnapped me wait a minute oh i don't drink just drugs from me thanks me falling in love with a girl god using her to hurt me for character development being 22 is so stupid and hilarious what am i supposed to do get married travel the world go to grad school write a book do meth i'll be sitting here miserably making spotify playlists until i'm told what to do when your teacher shows your test as the best but you cheated the secret ingredient is crime me the idea of my skull being crushed by a beautiful woman's thighs most of the world oh my god it's getting colder i wonder if it will snow for christmas australians my world's on fire how about yours by the age of 18 everyone has to choose their subclass watching anime having sex oh you're a feminist name every woman in very rare circumstances it is possible to see a full 360 degree rainbow from an airplane target locked firing lesbian ray your chances of getting killed by a cow are low but never zero hey my name is staff sergeant sharbunu i think that's how you say that i'm the army recruiter for your school and i just wanted to reach out and see if you've ever thought about the army or army reserves imma keep it real with you united states military i'm not freaking dying for an oil company nice haven't seen that one yet top 10 rappers eminem was too afraid to diss i mean yeah you don't mess with gru that's just that's just the rules your ancestors who were married and had three kids by the time they were 20 watching you struggling to walk past the girl this is a call out post girls after masturbating i'll freaking do it again guys after masturbating god is dead disney has started to remove baby yoda gifts across the internet due to fear of copyright issues oh no all right this says the left is correct and the right is incorrect but personally i think the bottom that's that's that's how you get maximum efficiency on the computer when you're trying to show someone a meme but they aren't looking yet so you're just awkwardly waiting for them to look at your phone when you're a woman living in the 1600s and you accidentally do math the town spoke america i think i forgot something the people if you forgot then it wasn't important america yeah you're right that weird clown thing that happened that's that's actually true wait a second you're offered fifty thousand dollars but if you accept it the person you hate the most in the entire world gets a hundred thousand dollars are you taking it yes why wouldn't i 150 thousand dollars i i get it i will never get enough of these cyber truck memes they're they're so good the world now runs on video game logic what's the first thing you do look at my stats to find out what the frick is wrong with me hello vegans if pigs were so smart why do 66 of them build houses with ineffective stupid materials millionaire makes 20 million dollars in 2020 hires artists to make art for 25 000 artist puts one streak on canvas millionaire thanks artisan has art appraised by an appraiser in his same circle of friends appraiser values artwork at 20 million dollars millionaire donates 20 million artwork to museum to get 20 million dollar tax write-off millionaire pays no taxes in 2020. me at museum this is stupid it's just a line on a canvas hipster next to me no you just don't understand because you're uncultured teenager is arrested after buying playstation 4 for eight i don't know what currency that is by weighing it in the fruit section and paying for six pounds of food at self service till wow that's uh that's a big brain moment boy translate these ruins they say up dog father what do you know of this creature what creature up dog boy what is up dog not much father what is up with you eyes narrowing i will stay alert for this up dog 90s don't sit too close to the tv 2019 oh my god i never even thought about that old white man calls you son southern woman calls you honey black woman calls you sugar british woman calls you love mom calls you a disappointment yeah that's the ultimate uh compliment i think write your name in reverse it's your demon name anna ava bob hannah eve we were good but now we're bad history channel there's no way a primitive civilization could have built the pyramids it must have been aliens this guy with a stick oh my god are you an idiot no no i'm not me as a child walks into the kitchen covered in my own blood holding a rabbit i fought from a hawk my mom on the phone melvin i'm on the phone dating someone is like gathering information until you realize you don't like that person anymore wow i hope to become a great conjurer one day sadly all i can summon now is disappointment same sabine same having too much can cause memory loss i read it on page 37 in a medical journal in november 2006 at 4 19 pm poor guy imagine your boyfriend is a photographer and instead of saying one two three he said i love you and you smile genuinely now scroll down because you're single ha joke's on you i'm not single stalking when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it oh geez finally white avocado [Laughter] doctor looking at my x-rays this is exactly what i was afraid of me what skeletons you're invited to suffer alright let's get on in there at least there's cake once in the fourth grade this guy got a two percent on his math quiz so everyone called him milk for the rest of the year tough break little guy every boomer comic i hate my wife father i cannot click the book sometimes i talk to myself for no reason oh me too dude me i'm not very hungry i just want something easy server maybe the chicken strips for six bucks me maybe it does but that doesn't help with my hunger random dad across the restaurant good one what's your wifi password it's on the back of the router the router lady gaga what are you doing if you're looking for my wi-fi password you can look no farther than elon musk's son's name that was a mouthful don't boil your iphone 6 in coca-cola dang there goes my evening plans computer save this image as 6606 499 f1e5c84d7c30.png me yeah teacher take out your books 13 year old me searching for it in my bag even though i knew i didn't have it it's too true my boss called me on discord and he's asking me serious work questions but i'm merely choking to death and he keeps asking me what's wrong but i how am i supposed to be professional when his icon is this seems pretty professional to me when you have a question for your mom but she's on the phone so you follow her silently waiting for her to end the call friend when i woke up i meditated did 50 push-ups and went for a 30-minute walk me when i woke up i spent an hour just waking up oof me you want to hang out later her sorry i don't talk to guys who are under six foot me please mom i miss you i don't want to die i want to be dead why is that so hard to grasp domino's guy please sign so i can leave no keep him there when you realize you've gone the wrong way in public look at phone act surprised turn around holy crap that's a call out for me if i've ever heard one please guys adding no no he's got a point meme to another meme doesn't make it yours no now he's got a point stop imagining fake scenarios and hurting your own feelings no i don't think i will i use dude as a gender-neutral term everyone's my dude even women so you frick dudes oh no think very carefully on your next steps i will beat all of you in rock paper scissors you go first paper scissors holy crap they did it oh my god land the lakes got rid of the native american woman on their butter but they kept the land things never change oh yikes does anyone remember when lol meant laughing out loud instead of this is to indicate that this brief text isn't hostile i do remember that period back in the myspace days but um those days are gone they're long gone and you have to let them go typing an entire rant and deciding not to press send oh gosh i do that with just regular comments because i feel like it's a waste of my time hey i've liked you for a while and i was just wondering if you'd like to go out with me no sorry my cat ran across my keyboard lol i don't even like you that much if you wave at the ocean it might wave back story of my goddamn life i was today years old when i realized this meme is a guy wearing a perry the platypus hat with his shirt up and not some high pigeon toy my brain can't decide between these two well i'm not going with shinji so i think we're gonna go with the other one huh when you accidentally breathe in while walking past someone smoking half of my respiratory organs were destroyed when i'm eating a soft food and something crunches in my mouth oh no no no it says that it's no longer available for me all right try now works now thanks cool i didn't actually do anything food debate square triangle i don't know why but triangle sandwiches hit different they really do it's just magic if you screwed up in high school you had to meet the teacher after class screw up more and you had to meet with the principal in 2004 i used this strategy to go all the way up the chain of command and meet george w bush people who say bruh people who say oof contributing nothing to a conversation my biggest struggle with this whole bull crap only people with glasses feel me no i feel you dude that's gotta completely suck ass current emotion dogs who are stuck but pretending everything is fine everything is fine as long as they're happy we're happy seriously though get them out of there orcas are a natural predator to moose explain please no the sacred texts realizing you don't feel depressed anymore realizing you don't feel anything at all anymore oh another call out post for me thanks mom can i ask you something without you getting angry no no you can't now get out teacher please rate each other's work yourself me and the boys look at all them commendations boys support boys when you need a weapon i need a weapon this is me when i need a weapon yeah when i use thank you for waiting instead of sorry i'm late to dampen anger butternut is a master of psychological manipulation parents why are you always laughing at your phone me nothing also me modern jesus what how i used to begin work emails hi how i begin work emails now i hope your family is in good health why are you so happy lately hey son it was earth day recently it's once a year and they named it after me so i guess you could say i'm rather important oh okay cool hey earth what day is it again today oh you're so confused sometimes it's sun that was awful five stars i'm the author and i think i did a pretty good job i'm sure you did mike i am so sure of it when a robber threatens to kill you but you're in the living room get a load of this guy when you say things are roger roger but they're not roger roger poor guy can someone uh give him a hug for me me all day me at night oh god i feel that i feel that in a different part of my body me giving mental health advice my mental health yep that seems about right my 84 year old grandmother apologized for having to wear her nightgown in front of us i said it was no problem and that it actually looked very comfortable so she immediately offered one to me it's not like i could have rejected this generous gift absolutely not and you look more comfortable than ever has anyone stopped to wonder why the heck this guy is standing on a stage dressed as spider-man i know i have who needs a girlfriend when you have disney plus me the answer is me pikachu what the hell oh no that's fine then never mind go about your business looking for some good movies on netflix oh that one hits ellen hits hard i'm going to set fire to something you love really that's just cute when you finally go to bed and you hear birds chirping sounds like a you problem oh yes a chocolate egg i'm so happy oh wow there's a surprise in it oh oh no it's a 5g antenna mom i'm not feeling good what is wrong with you people smashing people's androids then giving them iphones break people's legs then give them wheelchairs let me get a log symbol of sodium and nickel when someone changes the tv volume to an odd number that's not a multiple of five oh how dare they hey james i'm hungry do you want to go out to eat hi hungry i'm your son i adopted i'm not your dad researchers taught african grey parrots to buy food using tokens then paired them up giving one parrot 10 tokens and the other zero without being rewarded parrots would give some tokens to their broke partners so that everyone could eat i serve the parrot union oil is dirt cheap in the usa right now breaking news america invades america when you're the first one ever to wake up at the sleepover oh god yeah that's the freaking worst although your life will change once you just you know wake everybody else up when you discovered a new thing and then you constantly see it everywhere for no apparent reason yep that's called the gta effect my friends boss your voice is breaking me does absolutely nothing now yes i can hear you now i'm an engineer i solve practical problems hacker and movie typing zero one one zero one zero one zero people who are non-binary shut up human body i can grow a fully formed human baby in like nine months i'm talking brain functioning respiratory system eyeballs everything me cool cool uh how long will it take for my twisted angle to feel better seven years and it'll never be the same german ghost tank designed to produce a loud ooh sound to make allied forces suspect the forests were haunted by spooky ghosts i don't think that's what that's for i can't succeed i can suck smoking kills oh no there they are again dang it bleach is healthy it's mostly water and we're mostly water therefore we are bleach please don't inject or consume disinfectants wait you guys actually watch anime i thought it was a joke nope it was not a joke sharks according to media and pop culture yeah sharks in real life imma do a swim blub blub sometimes i feel like i'm dumb and then i remember i actually am okay my girlfriend put makeup on me for halloween and i had a guy at the bar yell at me your makeup looks good as hell bro you killed it now i understand how girls feel when other girls do the same to them it was incredible i felt so freaking beautiful i could use me some makeup papaya peach pineapple banana spring water maca powder and raw honey post workout smoothie obtuse rubber goose green moose guava juice giant snake birthday cake large fries chocolate shake i wonder how they'll get a confession out of him they're using reverse psychology oh shoot i committed the murder my child's hands look like this so mine can look like that i see what you doing you did him dirty pickaxe food oh crap torches yeah you can't forget the torches that's like one of the most important parts of that excursion i am the plus national geographic of every party i've ever been to man don't be so harsh on yourself national geographic is pretty sick a long sad chapter of the drug war is brought to a close as investigators finally arrest marijuana oh there he is they did get him most guys send nudes my boyfriend yeah i'm showering oh nice send me a picture of your hair up in a giant spike lol now if this ain't goals i don't know what is i love that she made it her twitter icon too if you had six minutes left to live what's the last song you'd listen to i'd spend the whole six minutes trying to pick a song and retweet looks like the united states is down one gay bowser hey i just moved to south america don't worry everybody the return of the king me as i sit right after taking a shower looking at myself in the mirror and wondering how i was ever able to trick anyone into having sex with me god every morning with me every morning i sure do love pizza i hope nobody poops on it no yes i too have a mosquito playing the world's smallest violin in my left ear and in my right i for some strange reason have the gobi desert drugs do not ruin your career drug tests do world health organization he figured it out me this quarantine shouldn't be that long the quarantine god don't remind me if i believe in aliens then somewhere out in space there are aliens that probably believe in aliens too which means someone somewhere believes in me teachers when they realize that not all classmates are friends impossible eight-year-old me ready to move out of my parents house cause they yelled at me that's me except i do it every time anybody yells at me even if they don't live with me but y'all not ready for this conversation god airpods sorry me overthinking about how i'm overthinking it's just a never-ending cycle guys i finally found a good zoom background for work meetings you are a genius and a scholar and i thank you my hands look like this so that her hands can look like that what if we held hands on the wii menu just kidding unless wow look at that moon i'm gonna take a picture yeah that's a big mistake my mom introducing me to her friends this animal sleeps its whole life away thanks mom omg my dad's an electrician at the zoo and look how he spent his morning i'm crying your dad's small i see what you did there learning how to play mary had a little lamb please don't make fun of me i won't make fun of you you might crush my head or something the perfect quarantine furniture doesn't exist sit and sip refillable wine bag chair 300 bucks gosh that doesn't even account for how much it's going to cost you to actually fill it with wine what's the worst pronunciation of your name you've ever heard sad as frick well are you sad maybe they're just concerned about you man why not work at home forever buy a dog america needs to get back to work by a cat 4 24 20 4 20 20 whoa who do we fight anyone not wearing a primary color this is my favorite line in the show my tears these huge companies all started from a garage what's your excuse i don't have a garage power rangers introducing themselves one by one the bad guys waiting for them to finish the bad guys are always so polite that way aren't they teacher can you count backwards from 100 for me six-year-old me duh 100 59 58 teacher that's incorrect who taught you that my microwave eight-year-old me opening my eyes in the pool without goggles i am the son of poseidon yeah it always makes you feel kind of like a badass and then your eyes hurt and that's all we got for you today folks again always remember that if you enjoyed this video consider dropping a like down below and hey if you really liked it make sure you subscribe and hit the bell icon and until next we meet i'll be seeing ya [Music] you

Channel: EmKay

Views: 3,872,147

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/me_irl, compilation

Id: 2qjxm18xGVg

Length: 66min 50sec (4010 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 01 2021