ALL OF R/COMEDYHEAVEN

[Music] ages birth through seven ages eight through thirteen i'm mature now jokes about fecal matter are no longer amusing to me age 14 [Laughter] excuse me is this a society for asking stupid questions well read the sign buddy it's the society for asking stupid questions stupid goat gets owned dumb as frick wow i'm so dumb i'm so dumb and gay how you been that one's i put a blindfold on and now i can't see the tutorial on how to get a blindfold off because there's a blindfold in the way that's a good one carson thank you cvs pharmacy [Laughter] one stir review no no please god no please read from viewer three four five six eight three and it's a one store review so let's see what's going on the epic games i want fortnite to add a twerking emote and make the boobs bigger and the booty that's a humble request viewer three four five six eight three people brag about buying a house at age 16. buddy i built my own at age eight the censored out bruh anime is my only escape from this bs called burger king listen we all have our own escapes and burger king is just intolerable i understand what's the difference between the alligator and crocodile the difference is in the shape of their jaws alligators eat babies in an a shape crocodiles eat babies in a c-shape very bored right after this tweet i went for a walk and got hit by a semi for the past eight years i was in a coma but i'm so grateful to be alive today well were you he still got the original egg wake up sheeple 666 death metal was invented by the military industrial complex solely to sell civilians camo shorts and when you go to infowars my name is alex jones and we don't sell camo shorts we don't believe in the government agenda this is why i had to unfollow my uncle making a deposit at taco bell my man is struggling not a clue what the frick going on but you got some big old milkers man may i dm you me and my wife are getting divorced why my love doll is better than a real woman my love doll gave me urinary tract infection i'm going back to my wife god let's see who can drive what's the correct order all three at the same time but watch out jesus wikipedia crashed send us a crash report what were you doing when the crash happened eating a bean and cheese taco the life of a oh no oh [Music] no that is not the life of a gamer god i'm getting tired how long until you reach the fallopian tubes bro we need a corsair k95 rgb platinum mechanical gaming keyboard i'm not gay but 20 is 20 fortnight a suicide squad id card my name's gerald reputation and daddy's little monster bio a psychiatrist who treated criminally insane patients ability skilled gymnast and as crazy as you are desirable she grinded on my jeans but she ain't feeling jack donate my cell phone bruh that's my boss if a girl is grinding up against a man's jeans it would be normal for them to get hard however the girl doesn't feel anything at the small protrusion which he would assume was simply his cell phone in noelle's case it is not in fact the usual cell phone but it is actually his ball sack which can be assumed to be very very small war in the gulf 1991 i was there dude and it sucked desert storm who's that pokemon reply with your answer gopin open these nuts i often think about this moment from my parents wedding video where the cameraman just zoomed in on a plate of ham he got hungry can't blame the guy all this photography is hungry work today was a sad day it was the day we hanged tobias the golem of the village who attacked a villager in his house he got what he deserved hey toilet quagmire can you please explain mitosis sure thing peter [Laughter] hey guys what's the name of the song that goes hoes mad 24 times uh bohemian rhapsody during world war one the word frick was used well i would hope yeah i gotta go iron my dog [Laughter] see you later dude i gotta go iron my dog real quick i am made of marijuana every michael jackson grunt sign in to confirm your age the deep state of meditation which may lead to extraordinary states of consciousness i fell asleep and flying around my house it was awesome while i was flying i wanted to poop so i flew to my bathroom and poop when i woke up there was a poop in my pants your memory is on free i love that video so much nathan campbell are you still at jake's house you need to come home and start getting ready for bed [Laughter] it's a school night nathan just [Music] snort my crap damn nathan new yorker who works at a burger place welcome to the boycott joint new yorker who wants a burger give me a boyka a new yorker who works at a burger place one boy got coming up new yorker who cooks at the burger place time to cook a tasty boy you don't like short guy do you i like especially cute guy nope go drink more milk kid at taco bell am i pretty not one bit the hashtag watermelon freeze is back i'm weak in the face how can you tell if someone loves you back or not this one time i took a massive dump at a party and the toilet got clogged and then i realized there was no plunger so i had to scoop the crap out of the toilet out of the bathroom window and it landed on the dog outside i was like oh crap what does that have to do with anything story time thanks for the flight southwest air had a great time we're happy you enjoyed the extra leg room we look forward to seeing you again next time the man is peeing he is too he's just let it fly hello would you like help with our products i am a real person if you want real tight lol nice what puberty did to my friends what puberty did to me and he's making sh money changed no to the quran in my dad's phone can i throw a party this weekend chapter one [Laughter] if you could revive someone who was dead who would it be my dad he died of cancer that's lame i choose two-pack ronnie may i introduce you to my best friend jesus nope at keebler elves i have a question for my school project of the keebler culinary arts well gosh we hope we can help what is your question what cup size is mrs keemler [Laughter] please dj khaled spare me no sasuke not this time don't cry featuring xxxtentacion lil wayne bro i didn't even hit you that hard please don't cry just don't let mom hear you crying bro i don't want to get banned from my ipod again each time you open a book and read it a tree smiles knowing there's life after death a minecraft fat stinky steve i love stinky steve use our product if you want to stop having diarrhea from johnson's anti-diarrhea medicine carl's pro diarrhea medicine your product is for cowards adam can't wait to eat this succulent in sweet corn and it's only four for one dollar what do you guys say about that adam and he's just like i love this coin pardon my swag oh i i forgive you spongebob t-shirt capitaine america new zealand police when we have to tell someone their family member has died in a crash this is the worst everybody's bringing something tasty for the picnic we can't eat a tennis racket toad you freaking mistake yo mama's so ugly she's the reason why people put seeds in the ground so ugly mama do kill them with her ugly fade yo mama's so stupid she thought that luca rules the ultimate story was an actual book your mama's so fat that she died of diabetes i'm sorry for your loss your mama's so old she knows sex the side of six nine the media never talks about six nine was walking down the street one day when he saw a boy crying he asked him why you crying young blood the boy said i didn't go six for six on the top 100 billboard so six nine whispered in the boy's ear scum gang let you nuts hang hey you got any sisters by the way the boy took his advice and let his nuts hang he then dropped the hottest symphony of the 19th century that boy was beethoven we're off to see the wizard no you're freaking not fattest moment choose a bottom caption 126 things to do when you're feeling sad and blue i don't understand my doctor said if i don't get gf i'll die i'm not a liar see he's right doctor did say get gf or die please enjoy oh oh i am also why is this in a liquor store satan also uses education many think they're too smart to accept this one truth daddy what eye opening what each dollar of your income tax money pays for oh that's a lot of lasagna i'm so bored i went outside and knocked on my own door then came back in and said who is it oh you're such a silly willy i like cheese finally an appropriate topic of conversation for you and the guy next to you are there any foods that start with th i'm just wondering soup and sausages sodium expectation sodium is bad and just makes you bloated sodium reality sodium is an essential mineral for your body also i love how that dude looks like a gmod character model got blown up with the tool gun when peach turns down mario oh no did not realize they serve shark fin soup read about how it causes imbalance in ecosystems and contributing to decline of reefs please tell owners you don't want shark fin soup on the menu it's imitation shark fin made out of gelatin you dense cabbage songs that specifically remind me of my dad's second divorce that is really specific huh what's the biggest planet on earth jupiter's peeing with my boy scott oh yeah that's true bro ship right there oh man i really hope people take a really detailed look at that when they're checking it what's the name of my food i want to eat them but forgot how they were called and can't ask anyone since i'm alone shrimp oh yes oh my god thanks what why i farted on your dad's balls my dad is dead yeah he died of pulp what i think of [ __ ] brian from family guy oh man these are terrible i made all three of these crotch blanket for the family uh you want to run that by me one more time the penis monkey creepypasta part three i'll pass i think i'm okay some men just want to watch the world burn me i just want a garage with tall ceilings and a lift the beast didn't stop pooping until a 100 foot wide poop nado had fully engulfed the divers a whale blasted an ungodly amount of assham all over some diverse god peed that he did that he did how to make hulk juice my wife left me oh that went from 100 to zero real fast hey guys can anybody recommend an electrician in the area hmm new jersey's mystery high school pooper turns out to be school superintendent we're all kids at heart also it's new jersey it's like northern florida what'd you expect did you just stand there while i fell over and dropped all the laundry yes i watched it all unfold according to her face that joke landed real well hairstyle chart the shorn calf delicate beast iron triangle dunfrey's darkness orb hunter or my personal favorite child ontario teacher's license suspended for two months after telling student to lick me where i fart most legendary teacher retort of all time i bone my pitbull yeah that paints an ugly picture i found a light bulb in my bag of flour i don't really know what to say about that but it is a lot more than mildly interesting fastest boat steve steve is currently the world's fastest boat with a water speed record of an eye-watering 317 miles per hour ready to choke on my gas what the heck is this and zoe said give me the italian and no one gets hurt never he said with a grin for he is my new ukichan don't worry my love she called sneak sneak oh no i have been done captured she cried to be continued no no no flying to the ding dong appointment like oh my god look at her go i've lost eight pounds since july image unrelated van gogh painting probably not the original one it doesn't really look like it you're probably right about that my friend meat without feet also known as most fish just a small town girl living in a lonely world well i know this is kind of weird and pushy haha but would you like to have sex with me i'm not a creeper a pervert just a genuine guy i would treat you with respect and the sex would be good i can even make you squirt if the connection is right haha i will not judge you or think you're easy so yeah excuse me if i come across as a little uncalibrated but i think you're attractive so what do you think smiley face haha she took the midnight train going anywhere poor loser dude try not to laugh funny videos 20 20 part 7 oh my lord that is the worst thumbnail i've seen in a long time hey how old are you 10 seriously how old are you lol 10 10's too young for me lol i'm 21. okay are you 18 or older i'm 10. lmao i just want to know if you're 18 or older to see if you'd be down to chill sometime i'm 10. man that's the creepiest form of denial teefers 20 my wife keeps eating my captain crunch so i'm selling her upper teeth don't feel sorry for her she was warned twenty dollars are best offer yeah do not touch okay what's going on frick look both ways for ding dong man oh man crossing the street's gonna get a lot scarier for me now i hate the baby from ice age die wanted dead reward what's that reward man come on give it to us peeing over truck yo that's actually an impressive trajectory he's got going subway i've been waiting here for hours and still no train oh you crazy old lady you my homie big slime fell through the stairs man oh my gosh at least he didn't actually fall through the stairs he could have died she was eating at the gym burn those calories as they come in you know what i'm saying i love god my family my president and my country i have high blood pressure this one could blow at any moment what is a suitable punishment for my 14 year old daughter she used my fabric scissors to cut tortilla wraps death geez judy dial it back a few notches r tim a subreddit for people named tim for all you tims who grew up going by timmy how and when did you transition into tim mode makes it sound like they're all transformers the best dang finger you've ever tasted huh i doubt that i think my uber driver's in trouble uh you good hi on my way i'm lost how did this happen dinesh my kids have attended this school for three years and we love it here i found that the majority of teachers are excellent my son was karate chopped in the throat by a naruto wannabe hey man come on now come on now maybe homeboy was stepping you know what i'm saying put an onion in your sock and these targeted adds just know exactly how to push my buttons this toilet is currently out of order please use the children's ball pit sure the kids already do anyway also rondell mcdonnell's secret play space stay out of there everyone linus tech tip says computer he's right you know cops beat chinese man after asking for his name i've lost all faith in our police says okay how to mow the frick out of your lawn ah it's making me slightly uncomfortable recite the alphabet abc i'm not gonna do that where's the p oh there it is how to jump higher fast results now i have to watch this i gotta see where he's pretending this result's coming from my favorite quote of all time we ah so prolific uncle yeah uncle yeah perfume the attraction of love oh man i can only imagine what that smells like probably pap's blue ribbon and menthols mouse and rat glue pad i'm stuck please stay away alright will do did you know the boy you named as gay he is a homosexual bro you can't just be blowing my mind like that your username is how you die how do you die well ocean swimming thinks it's going to be ocean swimming so me at home ah me at balls you got me farting in the car by the fart guy that one hurts oh my gosh that's top tier content i'm gonna subscribe there's a cat in the gay bar yeah what of it mind your own business damn just remember that my wife died sent toe pics maybe egg mcmuffin rat is the newest fast food rodent star in new york finally i got bored of andy samberg years ago folks this is not what they mean when they said dress appropriately for the occasion or is it best and worst rat of the week best chris settled in really well with his new cage mates always races to the door to say hello to people worst maurice just a real a-hole god maurice third week in a row get it together cargo space car no do that car no fly with this invention females can now urinate allows women to go to the bathroom dang it's about time they've been waiting for years to be able to do that list of hair braids cornrows crochet braids lobster this text conversation is related to a door dash order doordash [ __ ] ah cute ones though what do you dream about when you're drifting off to sleep goose we're reaching out to cup your balls someone thinks you might need some extra support right now and asked us to help oh oh thank god thank you thank you so much the hunger games scoring scene one of the best parts in the movie katniss shooting arrow at apple i like men hey man good for you shop newborn baby okay pure baby organic cotton peekaboo or old baby why type c for fast charging c you know i'm pretty sure people that think like that are actually the smartest on earth hey andrew your order's been picked up from chipotle and your dasher is on the way hmm i'm so hungry i went there and asked for tacos since it's a taco place but they said they don't sell tacos and so i left this is the worst taco place ever does that say girls high school what kind of tacos were you ordering my friend a posting for a 2004 chrysler crossfire good start is this still available yeah it is okay are you interested no say hi to the new galaxy note i mean he did as asked he's a very kind gentleman all right so we have uh uploaded what five days ago strong and then four days later die stupid freaking idiot didn't deserve a pokey snack i fed you my favorite pokey snack you didn't even deserve it uh where are you i screwed up how i went to india not indiana just tell me you don't love me now i'm telling the truth honestly [Laughter] what the hell he's being she's being truthful he went to india it's funny trans people i'm trans society okay winston hi there hi guys holy crap it's winston from overwatch overwatch smiling at my phone and my mom said ah to be young and in love and i was actually looking at this and it's larry playing the tuba um you know what you and me both would uh we both laugh at that mutually amazon rainforest fire button minecraft ironic video is it ironic though is that an ironic video is that a funny ironic epic meme a new post in our slash crohn's disease holy crap my anus [Laughter] this message goes directly to bounty please give me the apology i deserve oh hi blank can you please send us a private message telling us your issue thank you no just give me the apology i deserve ah to be young and in love look they're making a heart hashtag wish i still had my best buddy rascal i miss him every day hashtag wish i still had my baby bad baby baby bag [Music] [Laughter] ribs i love austin powers uh what would happen if i put a sleeping pill on my coffee ah it'll go blue is that a 1999 bmw 5 series 528i sedan 4d for only 500. it's good fries yummy hollywood's bleeding out now god the amount of face tattoos post malone has is really ridiculous he kind of looks like an action figure that someone drew crayon all over it's kind of crazy [Laughter] bud light running through my piss that's a classic post lyric okay listen bart is no longer with us he ate all the freaking bees all right it's no longer bert's bees it's not even burnt or bees but we're verified my butthole is tight but my connection with god it's even tighter my mom is dying of cancer so let's hope one like equals one more day for her to live edit she just died yesterday but you have 4.5 000 likes how's that possible sorry for your loss though please be kind to each other okay 4chan is civilized i don't know why people say it's not look at that a humble request and a humble response mike wazowski got to the chip shop at his car and asked for some chips he had none left mike was a glum of storm raged inside and destroying everything and everyone in his path mike wazowski was feeling blue because the police were at his door nani nani crashed crash's anger was uncontained the entire police force was took over now mike was in charge then mike awoke and let her to scream it was only a dream by kane it's called mike wazowski get some chips yummy if you want to tow a heavy load buy a shitty if you want to swallow a big load buy a dodge what really god so many choices we choose to learn all organisms aim to survive and create more biomass but we choose to do more than that we choose to learn pog it's exactly god okay story time for you kids real quick um i i said pog to my family like unironically um we were all going to go to the movies and i really want to go watch scary stories to tell in the dark right so i brought it down by folks i'm like hey should we should go watch scary stories and tell in the dark and they're like yeah that sounds like a good idea and i out loud said oh poggers that's uh that's where that story ends you look like chris hemsworth oh you're a handsome devil aren't you my grandma ate cookie dough for lunch every week this is what happened to her and she broke her bones in several places jesus lord almighty he looked like crap dave yeah so what i like it i wish my parents loved me it is done poof nothing's changed i pooped myself so they don't love me no damn this bra is crazy the ancient technique of dong bending is my only hope you got it hang or should i say bang sharing my creation last three months ago yeah right hey you all fistic or something i was reading this through and i'm like wait what when i was a young boy i tried to turn a pair into a peach by staring at it for 11 days or straight what what happened did you succeed i didn't get my deliver so damn paul paul's the ceo of amazon he doesn't care what you have [Music] ah yes my dog is purebred eat your dog dr phil we either have danielle or eminem wait what is that i gotta hold on i gotta i gotta look this i gotta i gotta look this up images eminem is one of them what is this image what is this image i'm posting this on twitter hold on let's eat barney it is how he dies please eat me okay includes three meat yummy i got 846 dollars in food stamps right now comment if you need them i will not reply to inbox you know i'm a caseworker at the welfare office take this down i don't give a damn if he was god at the golden gates you need food stamps the rock responds to tom holland's praise by calling him a good buddy that's honestly the i wish rock would call me a good buddy why is this news stop for some dairy queen blizzards with the team between events in iowa that's not funny joey my uncle clock died in the great blizzard of 93. she'd be more respectful why do you say the f word is better than the n word oh what channel are you pewdiepie your pewdiepie yeah proofing uh hey how's it going bros my name is pewdiepie boat the goat look at your drunk face does he have a drunk face let's zoom in i mean not really i think you're just being facetious alicia i don't know if that was the right word to use small medium large xl double xl and triple xl and my god is that a wide unit that's a stupid looking haircut i can't even why is this happening why why is it [Music] what the hell it's so mean facts don't care about your feelings hey it's k-pop with an english subtitle this eventually led to the unwanted fetus and that's a bop i love this song yum trying to figure out where it all went so freaking wrong you know i fall to see high quality veggie tales facts not your real life problems you are the provider and i i'm the consumer feed me like you were created for i will spoon feed you raw sewage via the internet because that's what my followers deserve i will fight for my rights you cucumber freak oh no african kids try food for the first time that's terrible hey what fruit starts with a and ends with pull thanks oh my god what a name let's sound it out jay anthony vassan j anthony i did it uh hey today's my son jimmy's sixth birthday can you wish him a happy birthday and make his day screw you damn it's not very kid-friendly orange sour in fact hey look it's arch enemies i hope you collapse i hate you so much are these real people their faces are so weird looking dude that guy's got that dude's top lip is the size of a billboard are you kidding me what is going on but they're in love [Laughter] hello what's your name i'm kevin but everyone calls me purple dog uh what do people call you purple dog take a look someone help nigel he's trapped at a time loop draw a polygon with exactly six sides be sure to use a ruler jake now use a crayon to cover each vertex so your polygon how many vertices did you color six and what's the name of the polygon you drew hot dog i got a new text from hot girl guess what what you like me oh well just kidding nah chicken butt israel and palestine need study john lennon's imagine so i picture keemstar to talk all the time what's inside my son that is not what you should i'm not hitting the bell for that what's inside okay one question joker why didn't you keep any horses as fruit pies for yourself oh well that's because i don't like them wow he is crazy because you get a big delight in every bite of hostess fruit pies i just don't like i hate them stand up to bullies then kill them words are weapons but weapons are also weapons oh geez last night i was wearing my sister's pretty dress but i accidentally took a crap in it what should i do clean it hey yo any latinas need a ride hop in my whip lonely pot of milk long way from jungle hey it's the three foot six mafia [Laughter] the mario brothers the earth will be made new god will wipe away your tears sickness and death will be no more you hear that luigi marley and me marley dies bass boosted the saddest scene in film history now with boosted bass you know this reminds me of the bone bona hand 2012. how does it remind you of that can you elaborate please please elaborate i did the math i spent four percent of my life playing video games really because i spent 100 doing your mom what a baller what did one month say to the other moth the bird is named for its distinctive cold that's actually a fun fact the minecraft b is trans how and he got blocked for asking how i don't really understand the whole minecraft b is trans thing but you know what more power to you i guess i don't know why you didn't pick a cooler a cooler mob like you could have picked like the guardian these are like he's really cool or like the sheep because you can color the wool no no just a thought i am he's the new car who's the guy in front of you then if nine or younger don't watch this is shocking and heartbreaking and needs to be stopped how can permission be clear to cut down two thousand seven hundred trees to build a metro kids youtube star blippi regrets the viral video in which he poops all over his friends before he was blippi a mr rogers for the youtube age he was steezy grossman and he pooped on his friend well hey sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get it pants are an illusion and so is death i like what this guy's preaching [Laughter] rest in peace paul walker i'm almost 24 hours p free i can do this thank you all so much for joining me while i go on my adventure to stop myself it means so much for me drank more pee eminem pieces of advice for the kids remember the magic words please thank you and step off bro grandma is dead so let's eat all her pills and she won't be needing these anymore hey look the house's windows spell poop and they really do poop is that a pre-cracked egg no messy hand says time and look he enjoys ah finally this is shaquille o'neal's pregnancy test results in two minutes and it's over 90 accurate and i get two free shack stickers corn my coochie get wet hey orange juice what you playing rainbow six gameplay without the gameplay thanks buddy only 15 followers but it's got 34 watching that's a that's impressive that's some numbers rare cheeto nintendo duck hut handgun for 405 plus a four dollar shipping fee if ratatouille and my girl both drowning i could only save one catch me at the funeral with a tasty fettuccine alfredo yum yum i remember the moment i was in the hospital it was my 29th birthday my girlfriend and i had just been hit by a drunk driver i was getting glass removed from the laceration in my arm and i was confused but calm and the surgeons stitched my wounds my father walked in the room and i'd never seen him cry before he looked at me and broke down i'm so sorry she didn't make it oh dude i'm so sorry i'm so sorry dude unexpected item in the bagging area the brain hit eggs yo this reminds me the first time i tried coconut uh what's that true hey brother i'm chafing like a bra i have to crab walk everywhere i go i need a shift cover tonight uh wrong number folk no it's for you can you find someone to cover my shift tonight i'm 13. wait this isn't bradley did you know when a woman wears a leather dress a man's heart beats much quicker his throat gets dry he gets weak at the knees and begins to think irrationally ever wonder why this cushion smells like a new truck son goku we gotta save this dog on earth ah savannah no no time for that goku help pee is sticky and white in need of medical attention take him to the hospital chief can you stop sending me this crap no saitama got it you gotta check it out you guys look just alike except he's gotta be here hey let's take a look at what's trending today texans howdy fat guy trumpet 27 watching live 12 year old someone who was 12 years old screw you an accurate definition about 12 year olds anubis get out of here man hey zig mars what do you think about this app a five-star review dear guest thank you for your review it's unknown but he rocks the sticks he used to be the cutest child star guess who he is who is he who is he [Music] does anyone have a vacuum gage it is 2 45 a.m well i'm asking because i'd like to vacuum now am i male female no yes that's right i'm a massive land from the continent of africa two messages mother i got to bulb for your dumb stupid idiot piece of crap looser leave him alone clearly someone's a bit snappy from getting snapped at by the snapper turtle yeah this is why my job is reading other people's jokes in 1999 japan redesigned its flag from a less high quality image to a slightly higher quality image it seems joker 2019 four star review oh this happened to my buddy eric yeah i'm gonna need you to specify which parts exactly i love eating slugs well there's certainly no way we could have seen this coming is it illegal to look up girls without bras please answer this is not a joke the cops are already on their way to your house you sick little frick i bet you get your kicks checking out all those ankles don't you y'all you're pervert comment to set up for a joke and i'll do a punchline what do you call an amputee barber michael i mean he's not wrong b-wax i don't understand b-wax so either this police twitter got hacked or one extremely hardcore gamer was logged into the police account on their phone whoopsie cause of the great fire of london the answer is fire yes but that's that's not what i'm looking for today on remember when buzzfeed existed 12 celebrities who shared the same face with fictional characters number 12 daniel radcliffe and harry potter well done lauren incredible journalism you must be so proud number 15 burger king foot lettuce oh hell no eat this not that wait people what how common is it to eat a garden chair that a kfc would make an advert of it is this them trying to say that all their competitors food tastes like wood or something it makes no sense my best guess is it's them trying to subtly reference eating booty instead in which case i say nay for the booty is free what did you think of this video toast falling over yeah i'm not sure i'm not sure why i watched it p's on you return the favor does not reply for like two whole months of which he realizes he made a big mistake with that joke he types haha but what he really means is i'm so sorry please don't judge me as a disgusting person chained kong a prisoner of war a proud king now usurped by a plumber for a bit of context with this one in an episode of the kids cartoon arthur in an episode called sue ellen gets her goose cooked which i feel is a questionable title in itself the kids are playing an online game there's a character from overseas that they can't beat and they eventually beat her and her name was sun tzu 49 just some random chinese girl and someone decided to make a wiki page providing some historical background to a random photo in the background of the episode mao zedong mao zedong was a chinese communist revolutionary political theorist and politician there you have it folks arthur apparently defeated communism in an online game okay no hold up i actually looked into this a bit more it's actually legit this is not just someone making this up as a joke it was actually a purposeful reference to malcolm okay that's actually brilliant props to the freaking creators for that one that is so nice so much bull stuff on this app so glad i can be a breath of fresh air of truth and actual logic well by all means too mad seed us with your intellectual knowledge yuck my hamsters butts cheeks quite funny i disagree those juicy succulent cheeks are no joke at all and you shouldn't be making fun and laughing at this person's body hashtag body shame is not okay what country has the fastest growing population ireland it's dublin every year do you accept constructive criticism no we how do you say that picture of you right now i just okay i'm speaking it's just writing it down right now it's trying to tell everything i'm saying oh god i just love how confused he is whoever said diamonds are a girl's best friend horse you know i always find this kind of joke with horse girls to be interesting because i literally grew up with horses and a sister who had horses and maybe she was an extreme exception but i never came across her having this vibe of like oh no she's a horse girl kind of thing that is weird like not even her friends either it's sad because i feel like i've really missed out on an experience of a crazy person if you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube well i think that would be a neat noise i beg to differ then beg damn pikachu i'm sorry man what brings you on i want to call people and talk dirty here is me this is definitely me yep normal me family guy role playing club are you serious is this a thing when your only talent is making a funny voice so you just bank on it is rescheduled for 7 30 at ihop if you come text this number but don't curse because it's my mom's phone yes we need a louis at the quagmire we don't need another peter i'm already peter damn family guy role playing club is more of a hierarchy than game of thrones it sounds like my doctor when i tell him i drink three liters of cement per day not much of a laugh but very believable hey come on why don't you like me imagine this conversation is related to a door dash order i am hungry your food what gone what everyone have a great day why why because i care about my family so mad lad dad back at it again disrespecting his wife i see and the kid just screenshots it and shows it to the whole world for us to laugh spongebob boiling in a pot of sh okay that definitely explains why krabby patties are so tasty that in why mr krabs will never reveal the secret formula sebastian sebastian is a character in the hobbit is he really i didn't know sonic's brother was also a performer a slice of pie is 2.50 in jamaica nice it's three dollars in the bahamas awesome these are the pirates of the caribbean god damn it god damn your wii is not a parachute no see that's why they've got the ps5 out now that one is hi i'm paypal's virtual agent to get started simply ask me a question i am still learning so if i can't help you i'll direct you to additional resources i got scammed freaking loser true scary stories silhouettes with white dots i'm watching this at night because i'm a brave president okay but no joke i could totally see president trump saying this himself like actually confidently too oh man types of furniture chair stool chest are failed yes an entire town is furniture new message from dad i thought you'd like to know that i'm outstanding in my field i know this was likely to his kid but i would i would totally hire him i don't care i don't need the credentials this is all i need toronto defense lawyers oh they've got a cute little pit bullish the dog thing i don't know that's the type of dog it is i wonder why they have that there you can be charged with a sexual offense for sexual activity with a minor under 16 years of age cute me life goals basketball frog okay but no that is a small gap sir you can make that jump do not make the excuse to fall for basketball frog we clearly that would be you doing that on purpose at this point this is frank ocean that's a cat that that's a a cool cat wow what the hell is with his face i'm being so astounded by the face of the cat that i've just i've lost the ability for speech apparently what is my age if i was born in 1999 i was born in 1999 my age is 34 years what the hell i was born in 1995 in my age of 25 years well that is your personal problem what is red velvet cake made of bit of buttermilk some icing some cream cheese then a bit of a little bit a little bit of red ah i don't know why looking at this is so uncomfortable but like my entire nasal and throat area is just really uncomfortable right now just imagine those freaking hooves digging into my heart i don't think i need to explain this joke if you if you seriously can't comprehend it that's that's honestly on you no one even plays sword and shield anymore because they both suck i agree with this guy i reckon he's got some good points to make i'm gonna follow him i jacked off four times today man i miss her father in need after nine-year-old son spent two thousand eight hundred dollars jesus ah but don't worry you got 80 bucks you you're close enough yes or no what is this like old person tinder leave twitter for an hour and let your followers reply to this tweet with anything they want it could be a message for you a question a meme then come back to see what you got this was so cool what i love about this tweet is it's like a cry for help boyfriend is sitting by his computer eating sausage with wikipedia open to the page sausage what do you ever wondered how big texas really is me neither well for once a factual image actually being honest with itself my mailman when i order another cinderblock i didn't know these were things that came in the mail 10 most fun cities in illinois not this one though everyone looks weird and it's very uncomfortable will my pc work i hope that's not real do not plug that in it works guys how did this cow even succeed worse yet how the hell do you get him out of this is this how your friend's cow died wait what love the drums what instrument is used to create it uh drum post your pets and we'll give them a new name uh here's my pet he's got mittens because he's cute dog meanwhile in youtube for kids mickey mouse baby dead in gas explosion yay fun crying remorse stages of grief possible divorce because can handle emotional pressure yay look at him getting those gains oh he's a little strength boy in the making not even proper form dumb baby just look at that pelvic rotation you're trying to do a push-up you're trying to twerk i'm 18 now and girls can't say i'm too young anymore i will freak everyone in this planet this is aggressive brian austin i will literally frick you get over here come on me at age five verse me now look at me blow up modern rice everyone must enjoy this modern rice geez getting a bit intense in the hard cell there aren't you coolest pistols of all time the desert eagle the 44 magnum the 357 magnum the glock the beretta the ruger blackhawk and jon just john we love jon and to think i wanted to kill you two times in this quarantine you have become my friend i love you manuel this is actually really sweet to know about two people who are living together to actually end up growing and bonding even more as people oh no never mind no they're talking about a rat okay that's different my dumb ass grandpa gets a stroke while eating banana pudding ah you dummy god he's so selfish making us have to go to the hospital for him being lazy like that oh god i think so mean here we have what looks like an animated fortnite video and someone just loving to tag every single moment that they see a butt jesus dude you get a girlfriend at least save it for something that's not a kid's game oh am i kidding rule 34 has changed that whole idea of what is acceptable or not these days oh i love weird channel ads on youtube do not do that iron man lol mobile gaming what has this got to do with mobile gaming oh lol like league of legends like this person's content is just all over the place but god damn if i ain't curious as to what the hell happens full waterproof mattress protector breathable fitted mattress cover all this amazing stuff do you want proof here's your proof we got a baby to pee all over it yeah that stuff just rolls right off look at the girl he's got a freaking fire hydrant right there he's not gonna even get through that we are out of plastic forks we do have plastic knifes though i'm glad you feel really smug about that but uh do you have any plastic knives you know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold ha ha ha relatable meme joke hahaha me funny i like it it's fun because i relate to it seven signs you're getting better at rapping one you wake up in the morning with original music in your head two it's hard to focus on conversations because you're thinking of rhymes three friends introduce you as a rapper four friends ask you to rap at random points god five you find famous rappers you think you can take six you start cancelling things to go rap seven people start asking if you have music for sale oh bless rap nation for making a huge buck out of this kind of nonsense to those out there this just gives me weird i'm 14 and this is deep vibes like a lot of younger kids just would be following this stuff to a t in 2017 you listened to 525 600 minutes to one different song and one different artist along the way you explored one genre i think i've come across this one before so i'm gonna reiterate please tell me you did not have a premium subscription when you did this also at this point i feel like drake bell should be paying you i'm donating this kitty he doesn't get in the way or anything but i don't understand how he could have killed that big rat today was the rat tomorrow it could be me i'm scared yeah okay clearly you've gotten the offspring from the cat in captain marvel decided to pour the contents of a snow globe into a glass and drink it we'll keep you all updated on how this goes oh here's the update hospital well who saw that coming it's almost scary how much these kids look like their famous parent 20 celebrity children who look exactly like their parents i just noticed the photo halfway through reading it oh god it's so disproportionate hello is this still available yes including everything how much 100 i'm angry when karen's are stuck in quarantine but they still want to complain about something ah ah no no i don't like seeing a turtle with its shell as its skin i love how innocent the post is from facebook this photo is from three years ago today was your most commented on that year we thought you'd like to look back on it no i'd like to forget it police station calapitia five stars oh got arrested oh whoa for not carrying my identity card treated me very well cells are spacious and clean food was okay but rice for three times is a bit boring handcuff was a bit corroded but it's okay it does the job right the officers are friendly overall it was a nice experience this is a weirdly friendly review for someone who was arrested did you know cristiano ronaldo was the only player in history yeah yeah did you know iphone five dollars works fine just cracked at the bottom oh yeah i can see oh it doesn't look too bad still works i guess there's two types of men in the world those who fish and [ __ ] cats so churches are not essential but abortion clinics are essential got it yes because abortion is healthcare glad i could clear that up for you liz 600 000 babies a year would disagree with you i could easily win a debate against 600 thousand babies you can't ask me hi james can you remove the guy in the background no oh james friedman never stop being amazing i am on weed effects waitress what do you want can i get 10 eggs really yes judging by the background it looks like he did do you remember this is the very first letter i ever got from you uh-huh it's my treasure dear jacques i'll freaking kill you for giving me that fake painting get the freak out of my town this skateboarder just became the first woman in history that's what's happening now she's the first woman in history i'm trapped in the print shop not a joke send help i can only communicate by a campaign i cannot wait till my next elections thing happening so i could do this too i'm totally doing this holy crap hey how was your night my what night all right good night introvertedness level 100. now let us read an excerpt from the boo-boo hello people outside my room now is gonna be so confused and concerned now how satisfied are you with this shared image very satisfied somewhat satisfied neither satisfied nor dissatisfied somewhat dissatisfied very dissatisfied at hillary clinton whips and nay nays on the ellen show yeah i feel like half her loss was just the cringy things she did the youth were just like i don't want to vote for her she's just oh no filling my pc with beans and hiring a repairman to fix it i swear we've come across this guy so many times but the idea that this exists will never cease to be amazing if you're not subscribed to him yet already then what the hell are you doing eh i cannot stop thinking about this photo my uncle shared on facebook with 100 unironic intent i will heal the philippines and the whole world [Music] what the hell is going on in the philippines that a jesus the size of a freaking kaiju is like shooting laser beams down at everyone i'll be honest my children i actually can't heal your sickness in all your poverty but but i do have some sick disco life yeah look at these things go let's start a rave japanese amusement parks urge silence on roller coasters please scream inside your heart damn japan why you gotta be so boring works like a jam the best strategy for defeating enemies is to reduce their health to zero while maintaining your own health above zero god i hate some hints in video games and they pop up on the side and they're so dumb and like common sense like really oh oh really i didn't know hi you've come across an image on the internet a meme they say that is one blurry image with a blurry text that you don't actually understand but everyone else finds funny you're gonna find it funny too not because you actually understand it but because you find it confusing welcome to carlos alexa said a bad word johnny are you encouraging alexa to have impure thoughts as an ai again stop encouraging a robotic uprising goodbye world apologies for the previous tweet it was incredibly insensitive how is the crazy frog still existing these days it was like a 1990s thing how old is wario wario can be as young as four and as old as nine wow i i am concerned for his growth i mean i know this is more so like his character being created and stuff but still that's really weird what is a suitable punishment for my 14 year old daughter she used my fabric scissors to cut tortilla wraps death wishing well i wish to be irresistible to men poof you are now a chainsaw because men like chainsaws all men yup if there's one thing men will always love it's cutting down trees this used to be the official photo of the wikipedia page theft act of theft back when they were trying to be a bit more of a tutorial place than an information place checkmate flat tards i drank the fluoride got my flu shots ate the tide pods and watched elon send a red car into space on tv earth is a globe look at him crunching on all those tide pods too found a place for anime bros oh it's gay baby jail lock em up i'd be doing time in gay baby jail 5 28 19 at 8 45 pm is art just for homosexuals and women no oh hey carson very cool face you're making there yeah girl i bet you like that dick yeah balls too [Laughter] i don't like mega blazing because he gets a speed boost like my dad when he chases me with his belt seven people gave this a yeah [Laughter] thanks chris for the blue donkey jackets thanks alien alien hey it's bulpis my online pickup and store i don't get why that one's funny i'm gonna be honest with you maybe i'm just not a comedy man what could the pb find out june 3rd hashtag ihop thanks brazers up next news break local and breaking second pregnant cow shot with crossbow my of course it's in miami of course it's in miami oh god gotta love living in florida boys uni student catches rat eating his pet turtle so he crucified and burned it nice my name is carmen because i like cars and men so carmen what's your name carbon [Laughter] marijuana users trending pages miles tales prower amy rose cheeto man knuckles the echidna spyro they're all marijuana users are one true crush since 2009 plants vs zombies and that's a big boy teach me how to dance shakira no problem let's go and they're both dancing and snape's like duh [ __ ] don't even think about dating my daughter think about dating me her closeted gay dad frog go into crew look at them all how do we know they actually did it just pretending country roads take me home to the place i belong west virginia and so they stab mall oh dear you have fever i'll make chicken soup for you wtf just give them part parsley them all paracetamol paracetamol paracetamol could throwing captain america shield kill a real person decapitation i actually watched this video it's kind of cool the old man was so into he's like i got my gear on trying to play the part and then he threw the shield and knocked that thing's freaking head off mining our way out of type 1 diabetes [Laughter] that's that's a cute shirt i like that hey it's big dog's club the rightful king a big old dog with sunglasses because i'm cool why my love doll is better than a real woman my love doll gave me a urinary tract infection looks like dora is getting explo no eggs and bacon is a short song sung by candace while she is carrying ex and back into her mother and mom's birthday lyrics eggs and bacon oh yeah background information this is canada's shortest song sweet expecting excited engaged egg salad level 11 child birth oh dude i'm still on like level three single levels one and two are also single but just different stages level one is single because you're young level two is single because you're ugly level three is single because well you're still ugly it's still levels two and three are the same just one slightly advanced [Laughter] oh time to butcher names shahada hajj salat sakhat fast quran thanos okay fine i'm a homosexual eight people gave this a yeah thanks asdf i love weed how to kidnap me free weed free book fire exit david 16 racism anger issues gamer damn scared straight really targeted the real criminals in our youth huh when handsome man shows us private gay photos oh let's go to prom you stupid bro be me greg hi greg damn you charlie brown good grief hey it's gup hey it's gupps gubs butt hates gossiping gobs bathroom part one please support guys i need it i'm here for the soul stone welcome you've he's commenting into 10k can you make 10 comments on anyone interrupting it that's like a boss mic underscore mp look at him two three four five six seven eight nine but you forgot two more you idiot you loser you failed the challenge dancing with jesus he's a bobbling figurine look at the smile on that guy who's that pokemon kangaskhan it's grandma taking a crap in the dark and then cereal guys all like good old cereal guy when like craig gets out le belt yeah i play fortnite says like of under 14 yikes girl group chats versus guy group chats there's this local guy he has a gf but that's not important that could be changed mia yeah define girlfriend the ain't married define wife too tf it all means nothing black widow iron man thor captain america hulk [ __ ] diva a monkey monkey winton when i play overwatch with my friends sometimes i'll pick winston and we've had this thing we've been doing recently where we're just like we'll pick them and we'll go yeah dumb [ __ ] monkey and it tickles us every single time when the baby is less than a month old and parents decide to have a photo shoot like that little cute little gremlin little guy he's all like hey go for the camera i love them inside every masturbator is a normal person trying to break free stopmasturbationnow.org and that's a real risky photo you're trying to put out there man that's risky as hell who in the hell sends burnt weiner picks he does oh that's a good oh that's not a battle termites are coming protect the veil at all costs termites are extremely active in the okanagan region right now call a pest professional at the first sign of termite activity wanna know what to look for contact us protect the veil at all costs pineapple on pizz nah now pineapple on pizza depends on how kind of we're talking like a deep dish pizza because it's a deep dish pizza pineapple doesn't deserve to be on it if we're talking like a thin crust i can do a pineapple on pizza kids two frog riding design baby boys girls t-shirt kids funny short sleeve tops children cute t-shirt but the shirt says screw the police hell yeah the most powerful weapon in the world is the word of god and the gun the gun is god it's a god gun get nuked so just to clarify that i'm not racist i love all races nor normal black indian women i love the normal race oh yeah then black and indian too can't forget about women race our rms yearbooks are dropping just as fast as james charles's career buy our rms 2018 2019 yearbook for 40 in the office with cash check or with card appreciate that whoever you are no matter where you are you deserve to be happy you hold the power to change everything be great fortnight people's groceries new video following some people who retweet guys like riding a scooter so they can feel the wind blowing past their vagina it's true i see this is an absolute win oh i love it can i get that shirt that's awesome hell yeah sexy hair frick that's sexy he's so adorable he has your eyes and definitely your smile oh son you need a girlfriend why does spider have puss puss best answer no spiders don't have push push hey it's saint joseph's church spa spa can you get this stain out of my dress come again no this time it's transdressing got him how to get away with tax evasion [Music] 29 douche thanks liam the mrs said tie me up and do whatever you want so i tied it to the bed then got the bike out vroom vroom time to go off to the gaming bar have a couple of drinks to play some super mario brothers did you hear that tom cruise got ligma who's tom cruise the ligma balls beware please do not leave your open toothbrush in an open area lizards may lick your toothbrush lizards carry pathogenic bacteria in their mouths which are very toxic for humans please help us create social awareness forward this message to as many people as possible boogie2988 says i have a vagina now nice i really do love our planet thanks vin diesel you were home off the jail you feel like you could speak privately jailer roll john willard the jayla has decided to execute you oh i miss town of salem that was such a fun game the year is nine some [ __ ] be touching cow tits and oh boy he's about to invent cereal i beg your pardon beg and that brings us to the end of our slash comedy heaven and boys it's like going to church on sunday leave a like down below and if you really like the video if you love mk subscribe give us a little subscription just one little subscription it's not gonna hurt anybody and i'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 2,407,588

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/comedyheaven

Id: rBqfSR9itxc

Length: 61min 50sec (3710 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 28 2021